Tag Archives: football

11/11/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Patrice Bergeron. He really could do that hockey.

At least everyone got to Gronk spike all weekend long, that’s what really matters.

I hope Jaylen’s Oriental harpist plays him something uplifting.

Really enjoying the fanz who demanded Gonzo “get the bag” now calling him spoiled and checked out.

That was just Niko being Niko.

I’m not sure Drake Maye knows there are safeties on the field.

When Embiid retires someday they will have a 20-minute tribute video of nothing but free throws.

Hand up I don’t know what a Blind Item is.

The production quality on Dianna Russini’s new show is a tick better than an Al Qaeda cave video.

The X app is terrible. It’s gotten so difficult to curate my timeline down to strictly tweets featuring phallic weather gauges.

Cakes are cooking for Warner Wolf, Vince Martell, Mutt Lange, Kathy Postlewait, Jim Peterik, Paul Cowsill, Marshall Crenshaw, Ian Craig Marsh, Lee Haney, Peter Parros, Stanley Tucci, Demi Moore, Mic Michaeli, Calista Flockhart, Roberto Hernandez, Bill Musgrave, Lin Elliott, Dave Moore, David DeLuise, Melvin Tuten, Adam Beach, Steve Konowalchuk, Jason Bowen, Leonardo DiCaprio, G. Reid Wiseman, Jason Grilli, Willie Parker, Natalie Glebova, Brittny Gastineau, Lil’ Dave, Matt Garza, Victor Cruz, Christa B. Allen, and Trey Smith.

Hold on. I was just watching “Have I Got News For You” and I just saw Jeffery Toobin is still on CNN? I thought we ousted that guy for snapping his carrot on a Zoom call!

I hate football, but I LOVE arguing about what’s a catch. Anyone else in the same boat?

Somewhere a divorced regional sales manager just bought a quarter-zip and decided to make it everybody’s problem.

Who schedules back surgery during football season? Was it brought on by chronic booster seat usage?

I think I’m going to exclusively greet people by tapping their leg from here on out.

Hey gang of over sharers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Thank you very much. You’re done.”

Looks like the shitty chili and Coors Light didn’t work Sunday, huh?

Did Mahomes lock his twink brother in the basement or sum i haven’t heard from buddy in years.

Is Danny Ainge ever expected to win in Utah or does he just get to pretend he’s rebuilding and collecting assets for the next 10 years?

I would actually rather die than ever find myself a slave of someone else’s college football team’s schedule again.

Lions players showing up in Jack Campbell jerseys. I think somebody is chopping onions in my house rn.

Let’s review: Pete Sheppard is a cocktail waitress, Mikey Adams drives for Uber, Gerry gets an allowance from the guy who fucks his sister. All of a sudden pumping gas and bagging groceries for the radio men doesn’t sound all that bad!

Was there any mention of Russini’s husband or Vrabel’s kid in the big story?

Red Line Update: Braintree Branch service is delayed about 15 minutes due to an earlier disabled train at Harvard.

The alpha move is make eye contact.

I truly do not care about re-litigating an 8-year-old sandpaper cheating saga in Australian Cricket. It just seems so boring to go over the details again when three dudes got suspended already and we’ve gone through a whole next era of cricket for both Australia and South Africa.

Do you think AJ Brown’s Patriots career consisting of 3 games and 9 receptions will be a learning experience for the weaponzz faction of Patriots fans? Never mind, I already know that answer.

You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat a hotel breakfast waffle iron.

Somehow the pocket pussies and Jenna Jameson name drop was the least offensive part of Koutouvides’ speech. can’t believe he described Aaron fucking Hernandez molding them like a mouth guard.

Imagine making a vest your signature look.

The voice actor reading the audiobook I’m listening to’s black lady’s voice is indistinguishable from everyone from WEEI’s Ordway impression and now I can’t unhear it.

I can’t stand to see you sad
I can’t bear to hear you cry
If you can’t tell me what you need
All I can do is wonder why.

Someday, someway, aw
Someday, someway, yeah, now
Someday, someway
Maybe I’ll understand you.

This whole time I thought Sharia Law was a WNBA player.

I love that Jaylen models himself as some kind of samurai, stoically going about his craft. In actuality, he plays with the demeanor of a teacher’s aide who just discovered the two retarded kids sucking each other’s dicks in the janitor’s closet.

I’ll look at the offensive tape tomorrow. Can only handle so much pain on one day.

We are happy to report that missing person, Rayjay Strikeswithagun, has been located safe. Thank you for helping by sharing the message!

Russini must fuck like a porn star given she’s not that good looking and has a terrible personality and is Italian.

Hey NBAonNBC, next time could you have a sense of the moment and not immediately grab Tatum for an interview so we could see what would happen with Brown?

We all know they jailed Russell Brand for his political views right? Also, for the raping.

Finding a good tattoo artist in Florida where there’s seemingly one every few blocks shouldn’t be this difficult but alas…here we are.

I’m not dealing with Vrabel’s mustache all month.

People need to realize that the entire reason women’s sports exist as a separate category from men’s sports is because men were afraid that women could be better than them at something.

So worried how Curry and Durant greet each other tonight. Couldn’t sleep all night.

Imagine double-teaming the DUNE: PART 3 popcorn bucket with your best friend Niko Koutouvides and then he constantly brings it up unprompted at public gatherings.

Honk if you remember ‘One on One: Dr. J vs. Larry Bird.’

Xfinity Mobile Arena is one of those too-many-sound-effects venues. It feels like the production guy is afraid of having just basketball sounds. Having Mr. Burns saying “Exxxxcellent” after every basket gets old.

That Texas fumble/forward pass thing is the most obviously fixed play I’ve seen in college football in a few weeks.

PJ row row row your boat aggressively to nowhere .merrily merrily merrily merrily..you’re a bag of hot air.

Is it good when you’re getting regular EKGs in your early 30’s?

Doctor Doom’s team is going to absolutely obliterate the Avengers, X-Men, etc. – this is gonna be like the 2017-18 Golden State Warriors against a High School JV team.

I’m a little worried the Philadelphia Board of Elections is going discover a box in the trunk of a car containing 25 more free throw attempts for the Sixers.

Best bet for the weekend: Headed off to my gym in Norwell for a squatting contest against that Andy Mike guy. Ill talk to you guys later.

I knew Jaylen’s hairline was getting more and more unrealistic, but this is ridiculous.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Today is actually a good day to thank a veteran for their service.

And happy birthday to Australian/American actress and model Lisa Gleave, perhaps best known as a Barker’s Beauty on The Price Is Right, and Briefcase Model #3 on Deal or No Deal.

Football Cat’s Week 8 NFL Picks 2026

Have a Jolly Halloween!

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by it’s diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

I was told there’d be no math

Why did the Ghost of John Dennis’s go to the bar?

To get some Boos!

The morticians did a great job

Why did zombie Chris Gasper get kicked out of church?

He tried to eat the organ

Get well soon Kid Gas

What is A.J. Brown’s favorite Halloween candy?

Butterfingers

He’s on the all hands thumbs team

What does Robert Kraft give out for Halloween?

Boo-logna sandwiches

It was either bologna or little blue squares

Sunday Lunch Time
Ravens at Bills (-3.5)

Hairy cows spook scary black birds

Titans at Bengals (-10)
Stripey cats pounce on flopping Tits

Send Bobs

Cardinals at Cowboys (-6.5)
Boys BBQ pretty red birds

Vikings at Lions (-2.5)
Jungle Kings dethrone Vi-Kings

Colts at Jaguars (-7.5)
Spotted cats corral colts

A jaguar colt

Raiders (-1.5) at Jets
Jets keep Raiders below the Mendoza line

Browns at Steelers (-3.5)
Elves yoke Yinzers

He’s making a list and checking it twice, so you know it’s accurate

Falcons at Buccaneers (-1.5)
Penix pumps Baker’s boys

Sunday Dinner Time
Chargers at Rams (-7)

LA wins! (Horny sheep version)

Fake News from 1942

Chiefs (-1.5) at Broncos
Broncos bust Indigenous Peoples

Patriots (-7.5) at Dolphins
Patriots squish the fish

Greatest non-Super Bowl win in franchise history!

Sunday Prowl Time
Eagles at Commanders (-3.5)

Swamp Things make Philly look silly

Monday Prowl Time
Bears at Seahawks (-3)

Fake Seabirds put Bears into early hibernation

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

October Guest College Football Column

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

Tar Heel fans might need to self-medicate after these last two games. Sure, they’re huge wins that invoke dreams of making it to a bowl game, but these contests are not for the faint of heart. Football is a game of inches, its margin of error nearly invisible. One or two plays can wildly alter the perception of figures whom you’d initially think should be above being slaves to the variance that is collegiate football.

If a hard-fought loss would have been enough cause to demand heads—or a head, to be precise—to roll at UNC, I won’t return fire and say Duke should fire Manny Diaz. They shot themselves in the foot, dug themselves out of a hole, and nearly kept the Victory Bell in their possession. It just didn’t happen this time. A late-game drive by UNC powered them over their in-state rival for a 24-20 win that doubles as a modest upset.

Instead, I want to highlight the execution of the Tar Heels and celebrate their accomplishments thus far, six games into the season. Entering the 2026 campaign, the mood was dour. Traditional media outlets saw the gauntlet of a schedule the Tar Heels were saddled with and thought it charitable to throw them four wins. Fans of the university became enamored with apathy, wishing for UNC to foreclose on its football program and focus on basketball.

Watching Tar Heel fans succumb to defeatism eerily reminded me of Patriots fans who’d watch their team go 12-4 every year but seemed to look for permission from the outside world to enjoy what they were seeing.

To rectify what went wrong in 2025, Belichick reshuffled the deck on the coaching staff. Hiring Bobby Petrino caught many people off guard, including me. But in hindsight, it was a sign Belichick was still able to get a big fish into his pond and adapt his professional background to fit the college style.

Previous offensive coordinator Freddie Kitchens wished to run a rigid, pro-style offense. Being a pro coach, Belichick was probably open to keeping someone who spoke his language as he embarked on this new, unfamiliar terrain.

The 2025 Tar Heels offense was slow and predictable, finding itself often behind the chains. If your first-down play results in a loss of 5 yards, leaving you staring at a 2nd and 15, you can essentially get the punt team ready. Opposing defenses knew UNC could only excel in short-yardage situations, so they’d stack the box, force Gio Lopez to throw, and defang the one thing UNC could do well with ease.

In my view, we don’t appreciate the fact that while college is a step below the professional ranks, it does pose a unique series of challenges for coaches. Coaches who are used to working with veterans nearing the age of thirty are suddenly working with raw talent just entering their twenties. Kitchens’ pro-style offense amounted to a mere 288 yards per game, ranking an abysmal 128th in the nation.



Belichick’s mistake was not being flexible. He did not allow Lopez to audible at the line, wishing to control the game entirely from the sidelines. Lopez is a raw, younger player who needed to learn a complex, NFL-style scheme that he likely was not ready for. In Belichick’s eyes, Lopez didn’t possess the ability or the experience needed to diagnose complex defensive disguises. Lopez, currently the starting quarterback for No. 21 Wake Forest, is having a breakout year, throwing 17 touchdowns to just one interception. That fact alone shows not even Belichick is above needing time to adapt. It stems from the faulty assumption that if professional athletes can handle a 500-play volume with micro-managed pre-snap restrictions, college kids should find it even easier because the talent is a step down. But the difference between NFL and college players is that the former are full-time employees. The NCAA restricts activity to 20 hours a week. As laughable as it seems, the rules still prioritize college athletes as “student-athletes” who need to get to class.

The Tar Heels needed more flexibility and imagination. Petrino came in and instituted a college-proven system that features elements of the “veer and shoot” alongside heavy personnel packages. He brought a massive infrastructure, utilizing pre-snap looks and creativity to manufacture plays that simply did not exist under Kitchens. Petrino found ways to utilize having two or even three tight ends on the field at once to create heavy blocking advantages, successfully unlocking the multi-back committee of Demon June, Benjamin Hall, and Jaylen McGill.

While Lopez was straightjacketed by Belichick & Kitchens, Petrino has trusted Billy Edwards Jr. with the structural freedom to make adjustments at the line based on defensive alignment. The raw per-game stats suggest a clear upward trend. The paltry 183 passing yards in 2025 is now a workable 218. The infinitesimal 6.2 yards per attempt last season rose to 7.9.

What we’re seeing is a merging of Erhardt-Perkins with college concepts. A non-negotiable rule for Petrino is putting pass protection above everything else. He is not afraid to slow down the tempo and streamline the pass protection terminology.

When we talk about Belichick adapting to the college game, Petrino having to change his language to better fit this hybrid-style offense also deserves attention. NFL playbooks use rigid, wordy play-calls where every single specific route, protection adjustment, and alignment is explicitly spelled out in a long string of text. Petrino finding a way to merge traditional elements of Erhardt-Perkins with modern college shorthand—using single-word concept tags like “snag”, “tosser”, or “mesh” and having everyone on the field know their individual responsibility by just those terms—is nothing short of miraculous.

Under Petrino and newly promoted running backs coach Natrone Means, the Tar Heels’ ground game developed into a three-pronged attack able to carry the burden. Hall is the early-down specialist; June is the physical, short-yardage and red-zone back; and McGill plays the hyper-efficient change-of-pace role (exemplified by his clutch 24-yard game-winning run against Duke).

There is still a lot of work to be done, as the flaws are noticeable. The offense can burn bright for one quarter, then go AWOL in the ensuing quarters. But what’s established is a know-how, a willingness to get down and dirty, and poise in the face of overwhelming adversity.

The recent contest against Duke exemplified the anomalous tendencies of the Tar Heels. They jumped out to a 17-0 lead, taking advantage of sloppy football from the opponent. Then, instead of shutting the door, they left it open for Duke to walk through. Jordan Shipp fumbled, which led to a Duke defensive score. McGill fumbled in their own end zone. And then a muffed punt gave Duke another short-yardage score.


Suddenly, they were facing a fourth-and-four at their own 28, down by three points. The game, and arguably the season’s momentum, was on Edwards’ shoulders. The offense had stagnated since leaping to that 17-0 lead. Edwards stood firm in the pocket and zipped a pass over the middle to tight end Jelani Thurman, who made a clutch 12-yard catch to move the chains and keep the game alive. A few plays later, UNC took the lead and, eventually, secured the win.

That’s confidence. That’s big-boy football. And that’s exactly what we hope to see from the Tar Heels in the second half of this season.

Vinny Jace is a special contributor to The15net.com.

Football Cat’s Week 5 NFL Picks 2026

Wake up sheeple

From the home office in Shedd Park…

Drake Maye’s Top 5 Conspiracy Theories:
5. Fumbles aren’t real
4. Chemtrails are creating atmospheric disturbances which are increasing the number of interceptions
3. Prolonged exposure to the electromagnetic field emanating from Robert Kraft’s surveillance bunker is weakening the soft tissue of the players
2. The real Bill Belichick is being held captive in the lighthouse while his clone is out damaging his legacy
1. Fluoridation caused Mike Vrabel to have a six year affair with Dianna Russini

I do not avoid women, Drake, but I do deny them my essence

Sunday Breakfast Time
Eagles at Jaguars (-4.5)

Spotted cats enjoy a win over a spot of tea

Yeah baby!

Sunday Lunch Time
Bengals (-7.5) at Dolphins

Stripey cats feast on fish

Look a catfish


Vikings (-1.5) at Saints
Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints?  Dey be the Vikings.


Raiders at Patriots (-3.5)
Birds may not be real, but Drake Maye IS!

Safety first


Browns at Jets (-2.5)
Brown out shuts down New York


Texans (-6.5) at Titans
Texans top Tits

Texan tit top


Colts at Steelers (-2.5)
Yinzy over Indy


Giants at Commanders (-3)
Greek Giant skins Washington

I thought you said “green giant”

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos (-3.5) at Chargers

Bolts shock Broncos


Lions (-5.5) at Cardinals
Jungle Kings devour pretty red birds

Roar!


Bears (-2.5) at Packers
Meatmen grind out a win

I am not a bear


49ers at Seahawks (-3)
Fake Seabirds soar as Purrdy slumps in the perpetual rain of Seattle

Wet gray cat sitting beneath a sidewalk awning on a rainy city street
Yet another miserable rainy day in Seattle

Sunday Prowl Time
Ravens (-3.5) at Falcons

Penix slaps the Scary Black Birds

Monday Prowl Time
Bills at Rams (-2.5)

Horny Sheep clip Hairy Cows

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Guest Patriots Column – Rhamondre Stevenson, an Appreciation

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

Nobody will mistake Rhamondre Stevenson for Kevin Faulk*. On any given Sunday, he might make you want to throw your remote straight through your television screen. Yet, when you step back from what he is not, you can begin to appreciate what he is—and where he will ultimately land in Patriots history. He carries the dubious honor of being that rare breed of NFL player who is completely indispensable, yet seemingly contextually unloved by the very fans who rely on him. Every Sunday, I watch the Patriots and mutter the exact same sentence to myself: “I don’t think Rhamondre has any legs left.”

He is akin to a diesel engine that refuses to die in a Foxborough winter. He isn’t on the field because he runs like Corey Dillon, and he certainly isn’t there because he possesses the historic ball security of BenJarvis Green-Ellis. Instead, he has survived multiple coaching and front-office changes because he is a quiet, reliable veteran who can pass-block with the absolute best at his position.

Mondre is essentially a perpetually loading screen. Every start to a season, his stats look completely paltry, prompting the immediate thought that his time in New England is up. Then, poof! The efficiency metrics magically turn respectable by the end of the regular season, and he finds his way right back onto the roster next autumn.

Take a look at how he starts every year when players of his caliber should theoretically be at their freshest. Instead, what should be his peak routinely acts as his statistical nadir. Four games into 2026, he is right on script-

• 2023: 60 attempts, 164 yards, 2.7 Y/A

• 2024: 65 attempts, 267 yards, 4.1 Y/A

• 2025: 31 attempts, 125 yards, 4.0 Y/A

• 2026 (Right Now): 44 attempts, 163 yards, 3.7 Y/A

Just for comparison’s sake, let us invoke the immortal Emmitt Smith. Specifically, his Arizona Cardinals era. In 2003, Smith finished his second-to-last NFL campaign with 90 carries, 256 rushing yards, 2 TDs, and a brutal 2.8 yards per attempt.

In short: every September, Rhamondre partakes in Halloween early, dressing up as a washed-up legend before completely turning the ship around in the winter.

Meanwhile, he continues to quietly compile milestones. By pushing his career totals to 5,105 scrimmage yards, he has climbed to 13th in team history. Furthermore, by punching in his 29th career rushing touchdown during an upset 29-26 win on the road against Buffalo (Stevenson compiled 47 yards on 13 rush attempts, a TD, a two-point conversion, and added 3 catches for 27 yards), he officially tied the aforementioned “Law Firm” for 10th all-time in franchise history. He’s funny like that.

There is a definitive reason why Bill Belichick loved him, and why the current regime deemed him worthy of a long-term anchor. As Belichick noted back in 2022: “He’s had a couple of really good plays in pass protection. James White-level plays. Seeing things, making adjustments, that kind of thing. He’s been a big help for us in that area of the game, whether it’s been blitz pickup, flare control, catching the ball, all of the above.” Spulpit Link

I call him Mondre, he calls me Vin. Or he would, if he knew me.

The tape matches the praise. Last year, Mondre posted a stellar 69.9 pass-blocking grade from Pro Football Focus, ranking him comfortably 5th in the entire league among qualifying backs. In stark contrast, TreVeyon Henderson’s pass blocking graded out at a brutal 30.7—ranking 62nd out of 63 qualifiers. Ironically, Henderson was highly touted for his blocking pedigree coming out of Ohio State, but the pro game has proven difficult for the young back to grasp.

Mondre is essentially an offensive lineman masquerading as a running back. He absorbs the heaviest, ugliest blows on the roster, which naturally stunts his ability to break off high-efficiency runs. Yet, the team must keep feeding him to maintain a semblance of offensive unpredictability that they simply do not possess with Henderson on the field. With Mike Onwenu out for the year, Mondre faces a grueling season that has barely even begun.

That is why his late-game knee injury against Buffalo should spark immediate concern. While his absence nominally means the higher-upside Henderson will see more action, it also means the offense has lost the only viable blocker who poses a threat as a ball carrier. Drake Maye will be highly vulnerable against the Raiders if Stevenson cannot suit up. A New England running game that was already resting inside a coffin will be lowered directly into the ground if the only remaining options are Henderson—who can run but cannot block—and fullback Reggie Gilliam—who can block but cannot run.

This article is now scaring me!

Four games in, the Patriots have already gotten more than they bargained for. Sitting at 2-2, they face winnable but highly dangerous matchups over the next two weeks against Las Vegas and New York. They are walking a tightrope that gets increasingly thinner as the injury report grows correspondingly thicker.

*- Maybe Tony Massarotti.

Vinny Jace is a special contributor to The15net.com.

Football Cat’s Week 4 NFL Picks 2026

Back off man, I’m a scientist

The calendars may gave flipped to October, but our top scientists at CoCoRaHSS have discovered a strange atmospheric phenomenon, emanating out of One Patriot Place, resulting in all of New England being transported back to Mid-Maye!

Mid-Maye

The “Community Collaborative Rain, Hail, Snow and Suck Network”, more commonly known as CoCoRaHSS (pronounced KO-ko-rozzzzzzz), is a grassroots volunteer network of backyard football/weather observers of all ages and backgrounds, working together to map precipitation and piss poor quarterbacking in their local communities.

Sunday Lu̶n̶c̶h̶  Second Breakfast Time
Colts (-3) at Commanders
Indianapolis Jones skins Commies

Commies… I hate those guys

Jets at Bears (-3)
Da Bears scramble the Jets

Titans at Ravens (-11.5)
Tits may be ass

Gluteus Catsimus

Packers (-3.5) at Buccaneers
Green topples Tampa in the “Battle of the Bays”

Patriots at Bills (-6.5)
Bills batter Bledsoe 2.0

Drew Bledsoe but with an extra chromosome

Jaguars at Bengals (-2.5)
Spots over Stripes

It’s advanced fashion, you wouldn’t understand

Cardinals (-1) at Giants
Due to Jaxson’s injury, Brother Jim told Brother John to get JJ to back up Jamesis. J-Men win!

Rams (-2) at Eagles
American Birds soar over road weary Rams

Cowboys at Texans (-2.5)
Houston has too many problems

Félicette made it back alive, suck it Laika

Sunday Dinner Time
Dolphins at Vikings (-10)

With Arch Manning in Miami and Dante Moore with the Jets, in 6 months the Patriots may have the worst QB in the division. Minni over Miami.

Chargers at Seahawks (-6.5)
Fake Seabirds make Brother Jim wish he had traded for JJ McCarthy

Chiefs (-4.5) at Raiders
The Autumn Wind is a Raider, pillaging just for fun. He’ll knock you ’round and upside down, and laugh when he’s conquered and won… but not this time!

Autumn wind? Sounds chilly

Broncos at 49ers (-3)
Bucking Billies struggle at sea level

Sunday Prowl Time
Lions (-3.5) at Panthers

Black Cats dethrone Jungle Kings

Monday Prowl Time
Falcons at Saints (-2.5)

In a stunning reversal, Popes penetrate Penix

Please your Holiness, no more Penix

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Beat Football Cat! (2026 Week 3)

Stay dry.

Can YOU pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes! But so far, the best anyone has done is eked out a tie! Insufficient!

How to play? Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win your choice of either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack, a $25 Ninety Nine Restaurant Gift Card, or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket, Big Y, Shaw’s, or Stop & Shop! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)

You should try and win prizes.

(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)

Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:

Chargers at Bills

Panthers at Browns

Texans at Colts

Jets at Lions

Patriots at Jaguars

Chiefs at Dolphins

Titans at Giants

Bengals at Steelers

Seahawks at Commanders

Cardinals at 49ers

Vikings at Buccaneers

Raiders at Saints

Ravens at Cowboys

Rams at Broncos

Eagles at Bears (Tiebreaker – total points scored)

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) or, if that isn’t how you roll, post them on the Twitter and our autumnal group of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

And good luck to all our contestants!

It’s like I’m in Blade Runner, or Wobey Mike’s idea of Seattle.

Football Cat’s Week 2 NFL Picks 2026

Free what?

A statement for immediate release from New England Patriots and Gillette Stadium Owner Robert Kraft…


🚨 LOCAL MUSICIANS WANTED 🚨

Are you looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?

Do you possess an instrument, a pulse, and absolutely zero financial ambitions?

Do you know how to keep your opinions to yourself?

Brilliant! Because we have the perfect opportunity for YOU! We are putting together a band to open for legendary singer songwriter and all around mensch, Mr. Ed Sheeran on September 25th and 26th. Our previously booked act, a highly unprofessional meshugener schmuck, tragically canceled on us. That putz’s loss is your golden opportunity!

What We Offer
Unparalleled Exposure: Play for a stadium full of people that was expecting someone else entirely!
The Thrill of the Rescue: Bask in the heroic glory of saving our event from absolute disaster.
Complimentary Air: Breathe all the ambient oxygen you want while on stage.
Free Refreshments: A half-empty cooler of lukewarm Gatorade awaits you backstage, plus one (1) complimentary bologna sandwich after your performance is complete. (NOTE: The sandwich will only be available on night two.)

What We Need
Anyone who can carry a tune, hold a beat, or at least look convincing pretending to do so. Someone with absolutely no opinions on anything, especially regarding an obscure ongoing minor dispute in the Middle East. A performer with a deep, spiritual understanding that “art is its own reward” – because you won’t be getting paid.

If this sounds like you, please bring your gear and your talent down to One Patriot Place. We will supply the mandatory blue square pin.

Don’t mention Paw-listine

Sunday Lunch Time
Panthers (-1.5) at Falcons
Black Cats pounce on predators

Vikings at Bears (-5.5)
Bears knockout Norsemen

Bengals at Texans (-3)
Stripey Cats give Houston problems

Steelers at Patriots (-5.5)
Kraft bans Qanon Rodgers from preforming at Gillette

Fire up the space laser

Packers (-4) at Jets
Meatmen grind up Gotham

Don’t try this at home

Eagles (-7) at Titans
American birds top Tits

Did someone say American tit top?

Saints at Ravens (-8.5)
Scary Black Birds martyr Saints

Browns at Buccaneers (-8.5)
Bucs bake Brownies

Elf on the baking shelf

Sunday Dinner Time
Jaguars at Broncos (-3)

Spotty cats love high places

Raiders at Chargers (-7)
Plugs turn out Vegas lights

Seahawks (-4.5) at Cardinals
Fake Seabirds swarm pretty red birds

Commanders at Cowboys (-3.5)
Cowboys master Commanders

Dolphins at 49ers (-12.5)
Prospectors fry fish

Sunday Prowl Time
Colts at Chiefs (-6.5)

Watch out Men of Czonka, 17-0 is still on the table

Don’t go popping that champagne just yet

Monday Prowl Time
Giants at Rams (-7)

Horny sheep gore G-men

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 1 NFL Picks 2026

Our long national nightmare is over!  Football Cat has returned to brighten your humdrum lives and fill your coffers with money. 

The cat knows ball

If you live under a rock and are unfamiliar with THE Football Cat™, our AI overlords have been kind enough to provide this brief bio:

Football Cat is a humorous NFL prediction feature on the Football Cat Category page of The 15 website.

Who is Football Cat?

Location: Lives in New Hampshire.

Hobby: Loves watching football.

Identity: Literally a cat.

What Does Football Cat Do?

Weekly Picks: Shares regular NFL game predictions throughout the football season.

Special Events: Publishes special columns for holidays and big events, like Thanksgiving games and the NFL playoffs.

Funny Commentary: Uses silly nicknames and jokes to describe teams and matchups.

Who are you calling silly?

Sunday Lunch Time
Bears (-2.5) at Panthers

Windy citizens blow past black cats

Buccaneers at Bengals (-3.5)
Stripey cats claw out a win over Corsairs

Meow-rrrgh!

Ravens (-3.5) at Colts
Scary black birds coral Colts

Saints at Lions (-7)
Jungle kings knockout N’Awlins

roar

Bills (-1.5) at Texans
Hairy cows stampede Texicans

Browns at Jaguars (-7.5)
Spotted cats flush the Browns


If it’s Brownie, flush him downie

Jets at Titans (-1.5)
Assmen pancake Tits

Jets are ass

Falcons at Steelers (-3)
Men of Steel can Tua Fish Birds

Sunday Dinner Time
Packers at Vikings (-1.5)

Cheesemen ooze over the Juicy Lucies

Lucy has been juicing

Commanders at Eagles (-4.5)
American birds bash Commies

Dolphins at Raiders (-3.5)
Miami is “Planning for Manning” (copyright)

Went from 1 to 3

Cardinals at Chargers (-10.5)
Bolts zap pretty red birds

Shocking

Sunday Prowl Time
Cowboys (-2.5) at Giants

Pituitaries pop Pokes

A giant cowboy

Monday Prowl Time
Broncos at Chiefs (-2.5)

Indigenous people bust Broncos

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

09/02/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Tough outing.

Eh. Scheduled loss.

Mainstream CFB writers being introduced to a BB team winning a rock fight is delightful. And 15-10 is like a perfect Belichick win. Pisses off exactly all the right people.

All these trust fund kids circle jerking over how little they made in their useless media jobs isn’t at all triggering.

They weren’t booing Páez, they were still cheering on Woo!

In the back of my mind I thought the Pro Bowl had been eliminated years ago.

Dolly held the exact same social and political views as me!

I’m not going to be used as a pawn as the two sides piss at each other. If a deal isn’t done by September 9th, then I’ll be livid.

Derek Jeter did not “dive into the stands” to catch a ball. He made a nice running catch in the playing field, and his momentum carried him into the stands. Nice play, but not heroic.

I don’t even know what Good Good is other than redundant.

Note to broadcasters especially in MLB. Please call players by their last names and not their first. Its Rafaela not Cedanne. The trend started years ago and it isn’t a good one.

Since Boston doesn’t have a WNBA team yet, I’ve adopted Golden State as my team strictly because of Veronica Burton. The Valkyries won their third straight last night, and @Veronicaab22 had 13 assists and 0 turnovers. She has 29 assists and 1 turnover during the win streak.

Apropos of nothing, I hope Corey Kiner gets a locker in the corner of the locker room, so we can all call it Kiner’s Korner. #iykyk

Cakes are cooking for Peter Ueberroth, Mary Jo Catlett, Harry Northup, Rosalind Ashford, Nate Archibald, Terry Bradshaw, Rosanna DeSoto, Mark Harmon, Jimmy Connors, Linda Purl, Mario Tremblay, Steve Porcaro, Eric Dickerson, John S. Hall, Jeff Russell, Keanu Reeves, Lenox Lewis, Cynthia Watros, Rich Aurilia, Jason Hammel, Rachael Gunn, and Brandon Ingram.

No one ever talks about how heavily accordion is featured in Mexican music.

The people who hate seeing Kirk Herbstreit’s dog on TV are the same people who drive 5 mph under the speed limit in the left lane. You can’t convince me otherwise.

Hey, didja all hear about this guy who pretended to be a 49ers player? Haven’t seen many people talking about it. Crazy stuff, huh?

Red Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to an earlier signal problem at Harvard.

I’m sorry but being a WAG is not being a woman in sports.

Omg seriously what is in Mickey’s crotch?

If I wanted to watch sweaty men dance in tight attire, I’d attend a Chippendales show rather than a Savannah Bananas game.

Dad is never using Venmo. You cannot make him.

Yesterday was “rentree” in France, a massive day. ALL of the schools are back in session Mayors and principals were interviewed on television.

Team Gaga btw. Madonna can kick rocks.

The Red Sox fill-in play-by-play guy on radio tonight sounds like Pablo Torre after 1.5 martinis, and I can’t shake it. But excited for the Clippers dirt he’ll have for the 7th inning stretch.

Where does one even acquire an Anduril hat?

The play made by Monasterio is ruled a catch against any other team. fact, not opinion.

Lucy go for a walk or something in Boston we boo if you stink up the joint you don’t like it move to Mars.

Can Elon ban all Barstool-related content? Every video I see is like “Oh man, Scuzzy and Grunch were going at it in the Chicago office today. Apparently one of them hooked up with Kacey Jugzzz at Dave & Buster’s last night? Super crazy. I’m glad Fat Tits Snapback Guy was recording.”

Hey gang of finger lickers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Black buns and mashed potatoes sounds like something I’m not going to image search.”

I hope Jedixson Páez pitches on Section 10 Night.

Feels like I can’t make fun of the Clancy women anymore when there’s a large chunk of dudes convinced Sandusky is innocent.

Well, I hope MLB brings back protesting a game after the lockout season!

Thinking of that fat fucking cvnt Lifshatz calling people retards as his neck fat jiggles from typing is hilarious.

GTA 6 players will need to learn how to maintain a relationship, according to IGN. Don’t you play video games so you don’t have to go shopping with your wife?

I love the Mickey Gasper story as much as the next guy, but I draw the line at “Hey Mickey you’re so fine”

Greg you couldn’t be more wrong about this sub shop take you have in the oven and the Italian subs and all that nonsense.

I’ve found a home with writing haikus. The requirements are oddly helpful.

Bright eyes full of dreams,
Laughter ringing through the air,
Shining proud and free.

Lol you ever looked into toilet paper? If you aren’t using bamboo by now….yikes.

I bet Mike Mussina knows what day this is. I sure do.

Love her, but Heidi Watney should uncinch the screws holding her face back a couple of turns.

A Bill hasn’t defeated Dykes like that since DOMA back in ‘96.

You can tell someone is a football expert when they list a team’s schedule by the quarterbacks they’re going to play.

What time do they lock the Coliseum they got there in Rome for the night?

After a few hours of searching the house (detachable penis)
And calling everyone I could think of
I was starting to get very depressed (detachable penis)
So I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast

Then as I walked down Second Avenue
Towards St. Mark’s place where (detachable penis)
All those people sell used books and other junk on the street
I saw my penis lying on a blanket (detachable penis)
Next to a broken toaster oven
Some guy was selling it (detachable penis)
I had to buy it off him, he wanted 22 bucks (detachable penis)
But I talked him down to $17.

People sure do demand a lot of decorum from a sport where it’s commonplace to gnaw on a wad of tobacco.

What a needy prick Giardi is. Really.

What if Good Good Golf re-shoots the ad but it’s RA getting shoved to the ground?

Rule 5 is usually a synonym for a bum.

Pro Tip: Ham sandwiches get indicted, not North Shore three-way beefs.

Honk if you remember The Jerry Lewis MDA Labor Day Telethon.

I know more about cards than 99.9% of people who own cards. I’ve covered cards for 26 years.

Lomu…..Latu…..Latu….Lomu.

Doesn’t every single gambling ad read on The Ringer end with “must be 21 and present”?

Turn off your radios numrods.

Jamai Webster still occasionally starts a question that he has no idea how to finish.

It’s my favorite time of year. BC could go undefeated!

Best bet for the weekend: buying 7 dozen eggs and 4 gallons of milk.

Take their picks! All of them!!
(N.B. Kansas City won this Week 14, 2019 game 23-16, with Butker 3-3 on field goals, 2-2 on extra points.
)

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, BSMW Old Friend Humphrey, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We’re dancing in the streets.

And Happy Birthday to Mexican actress Salma Hayek.

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