The 15

At least everyone got to Gronk spike all weekend long, that’s what really matters.

I hope Jaylen’s Oriental harpist plays him something uplifting.

Really enjoying the fanz who demanded Gonzo “get the bag” now calling him spoiled and checked out.

That was just Niko being Niko.

I’m not sure Drake Maye knows there are safeties on the field.

When Embiid retires someday they will have a 20-minute tribute video of nothing but free throws.

Hand up I don’t know what a Blind Item is.

The production quality on Dianna Russini’s new show is a tick better than an Al Qaeda cave video.

The X app is terrible. It’s gotten so difficult to curate my timeline down to strictly tweets featuring phallic weather gauges.

Cakes are cooking for Warner Wolf, Vince Martell, Mutt Lange, Kathy Postlewait, Jim Peterik, Paul Cowsill, Marshall Crenshaw, Ian Craig Marsh, Lee Haney, Peter Parros, Stanley Tucci, Demi Moore, Mic Michaeli, Calista Flockhart, Roberto Hernandez, Bill Musgrave, Lin Elliott, Dave Moore, David DeLuise, Melvin Tuten, Adam Beach, Steve Konowalchuk, Jason Bowen, Leonardo DiCaprio, G. Reid Wiseman, Jason Grilli, Willie Parker, Natalie Glebova, Brittny Gastineau, Lil’ Dave, Matt Garza, Victor Cruz, Christa B. Allen, and Trey Smith.

Hold on. I was just watching “Have I Got News For You” and I just saw Jeffery Toobin is still on CNN? I thought we ousted that guy for snapping his carrot on a Zoom call!

I hate football, but I LOVE arguing about what’s a catch. Anyone else in the same boat?

Somewhere a divorced regional sales manager just bought a quarter-zip and decided to make it everybody’s problem.

Who schedules back surgery during football season? Was it brought on by chronic booster seat usage?

I think I’m going to exclusively greet people by tapping their leg from here on out.

Hey gang of over sharers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Thank you very much. You’re done.”

Looks like the shitty chili and Coors Light didn’t work Sunday, huh?

Did Mahomes lock his twink brother in the basement or sum i haven’t heard from buddy in years.

Is Danny Ainge ever expected to win in Utah or does he just get to pretend he’s rebuilding and collecting assets for the next 10 years?

I would actually rather die than ever find myself a slave of someone else’s college football team’s schedule again.

Lions players showing up in Jack Campbell jerseys. I think somebody is chopping onions in my house rn.

Let’s review: Pete Sheppard is a cocktail waitress, Mikey Adams drives for Uber, Gerry gets an allowance from the guy who fucks his sister. All of a sudden pumping gas and bagging groceries for the radio men doesn’t sound all that bad!

Was there any mention of Russini’s husband or Vrabel’s kid in the big story?

Red Line Update: Braintree Branch service is delayed about 15 minutes due to an earlier disabled train at Harvard.

The alpha move is make eye contact.

I truly do not care about re-litigating an 8-year-old sandpaper cheating saga in Australian Cricket. It just seems so boring to go over the details again when three dudes got suspended already and we’ve gone through a whole next era of cricket for both Australia and South Africa.

Do you think AJ Brown’s Patriots career consisting of 3 games and 9 receptions will be a learning experience for the weaponzz faction of Patriots fans? Never mind, I already know that answer.

You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat a hotel breakfast waffle iron.

Somehow the pocket pussies and Jenna Jameson name drop was the least offensive part of Koutouvides’ speech. can’t believe he described Aaron fucking Hernandez molding them like a mouth guard.

Imagine making a vest your signature look.

The voice actor reading the audiobook I’m listening to’s black lady’s voice is indistinguishable from everyone from WEEI’s Ordway impression and now I can’t unhear it.

I can’t stand to see you sad
I can’t bear to hear you cry
If you can’t tell me what you need
All I can do is wonder why.

Someday, someway, aw
Someday, someway, yeah, now
Someday, someway
Maybe I’ll understand you.

This whole time I thought Sharia Law was a WNBA player.

I love that Jaylen models himself as some kind of samurai, stoically going about his craft. In actuality, he plays with the demeanor of a teacher’s aide who just discovered the two retarded kids sucking each other’s dicks in the janitor’s closet.

I’ll look at the offensive tape tomorrow. Can only handle so much pain on one day.

We are happy to report that missing person, Rayjay Strikeswithagun, has been located safe. Thank you for helping by sharing the message!

Russini must fuck like a porn star given she’s not that good looking and has a terrible personality and is Italian.

Hey NBAonNBC, next time could you have a sense of the moment and not immediately grab Tatum for an interview so we could see what would happen with Brown?

We all know they jailed Russell Brand for his political views right? Also, for the raping.

Finding a good tattoo artist in Florida where there’s seemingly one every few blocks shouldn’t be this difficult but alas…here we are.

I’m not dealing with Vrabel’s mustache all month.

People need to realize that the entire reason women’s sports exist as a separate category from men’s sports is because men were afraid that women could be better than them at something.

So worried how Curry and Durant greet each other tonight. Couldn’t sleep all night.

Imagine double-teaming the DUNE: PART 3 popcorn bucket with your best friend Niko Koutouvides and then he constantly brings it up unprompted at public gatherings.

Honk if you remember ‘One on One: Dr. J vs. Larry Bird.’

Xfinity Mobile Arena is one of those too-many-sound-effects venues. It feels like the production guy is afraid of having just basketball sounds. Having Mr. Burns saying “Exxxxcellent” after every basket gets old.

That Texas fumble/forward pass thing is the most obviously fixed play I’ve seen in college football in a few weeks.

PJ row row row your boat aggressively to nowhere .merrily merrily merrily merrily..you’re a bag of hot air.

Is it good when you’re getting regular EKGs in your early 30’s?

Doctor Doom’s team is going to absolutely obliterate the Avengers, X-Men, etc. – this is gonna be like the 2017-18 Golden State Warriors against a High School JV team.

I’m a little worried the Philadelphia Board of Elections is going discover a box in the trunk of a car containing 25 more free throw attempts for the Sixers.

Best bet for the weekend: Headed off to my gym in Norwell for a squatting contest against that Andy Mike guy. Ill talk to you guys later.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Today is actually a good day to thank a veteran for their service.