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05/20/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on May 20, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

I wish Jaylen would shut up OR dribble.

Surprised Mickey Gasper hasn’t been questioned about the Gardner Museum heist.

Hey, everybody. Chill. Wemby ain’t Wilt and Wilt wasn’t Wemby. Very different players. But thanks to Wemby’s versatility you could pair them, and wouldn’t that be frightening?

Why wouldn’t they just keep using an opener for Bello? Because it was actually working?

Too little, too late on that goalie change. methinks.

James Harden should be left on the airport tarmac even though they aren’t flying anywhere.

Kyle Schwarber looks like he could be a Steiner brother.

When the NFL’s schedule release aligns with your colonoscopy prep, you write about both.

In terms of Boston movies, RA thinks he’s Affleck in The Town, but he’s actually Cliff Robertson at the beginning of Charly.

Annie Agar has almost zero white knights.

Way to let slip your husband had a no-show job with the Sox, second Mrs. Varitek.

Florio suggesting that Russini was pressured into fucking Vrabel the same day someone finds her thirst trap video is perfect. No notes.

Cakes are cooking for Sadaharu Oh, Tison Street, Cher, Craig Patrick, Steve George, Jane Wiedlin, Bronson Pinchot, Susan Cowsill, Tony Goldwyn, David Wells, Todd Stottlemyre, Mindy Cohn, Busta Rhymes, Matt Czuchry, Mike Flanagan, Jayson Werth, Rachel Platten, Sierra Boggess, Chris Froome, Enes Kanter Freedom, Harris Reed, Tara Davis-Woodhall, and Trinity Rodman.

Genuinely woke up and immediately smiled thinking about how I get to watch Wemby later. Like first thought of the entire day.

It’s 2026 and we are complaining about not getting Brusder Gratarol in the Betts deal?

Tony ‘Engagement’ Farmer. Boom. Roasted.

It’s not until you start listening to Bill Simmons with your young kids in the car that you realize how often he curses – including dropping f-bombs – on air. We were listening to his episode with Nick Wright, and I felt like I’d brought my kids to see Goodfellas.

Not a lot of babies being named Bob like there used to be.

Homemade mayonnaise?

Blue Line Update: Shuttle buses are replacing service between Wonderland and Revere Beach due to an issue with the overhead wire at Wonderland. Please expect delays as shuttles are dispatched.

Scal discovered Cooper Flagg and Stephen Curry.

I love a last name that reminds me of how Superman was paralyzed.

In accordance with his will, Mark Fuhrman’s Nazi memorabilia will be bequeathed to Curt Schilling.

I wonder why the white guy with a racially ambiguous name and million+ followers that commentates on the NBA chooses not to use an actual picture of himself?

It’s just easier to function when it’s pleasant outside and not awful.

Dave Mlicki pitched the very first regular-season game between the Mets and Yankees in 1997, and he shut out the defending champions, spinning curveballs and striking out eight. Any list of great Subway Series performers starts with him.

Hey gang of professional word-users, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You can see all the water shining on the grass.”

Man, how about that footie match? Blimey!

Mickey Gasper looks like if you incorporated Mario into RBI baseball with a cheat code.

Honk if you remember Schlitz beer.

‘Sir Winston Tulips’ was Upton Bell’s Provincetown stage name for the summer of 1980.

Maybe the Red Sox should let Tolle close his own starts?

Seems I’ve got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I’ve got to leave before I start to scream
Won’t someone lock the door and turn the key

Feeling alright (oh, no)
I’m not feeling too good myself (on, no)
If I feeling alright (oh, no)
I’m not feeling that good myself, yeah (oh, no)

Apparently there are people who are so anti-vaccine that they aren’t getting their dogs their rabies shots!!! WTF is that?! Never read Cujo?!

Who forgot to say Spida?

According to Annie Agar, she lost weight because she stopped eating refined sugar. Her entire diet must have consisted of refined sugar.

Kendrick Perkins needs to explode like Mr. Creosote.

You guys are so upset about the Red Sox being the only Boston team left when you could just be watching the Giro d’italia and then the Tour de France and then the Vuelta and then the world championships and then oh my goodness what’s this is that cyclocross I see!?

That is blatant Free Jacks erasure.

That fella who won the PGA Championship looked a bit too dusky to be an Englishman to me. Must be the coal dust.

Isiah Kiner-Falefa has now played all nine positions in the big leagues.

Hailey Van Lith sounds like an indie band name.

Break up the Revs?

The Buffalo Sabres fans can go back to not having jobs now, I guess.

Best bet for the weekend: reports of record-breaking travel.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Take these broken wings And learn to fly again Learn to live so free.

*RIP to careless chanteuse Claudine Longet. She’s with Spider Sabich again, possibly.*

05/13/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on May 13, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Patriots first pick Caleb Lomu..6’6” 313 pounds is an AVID golfer..

Just a reminder Bostonians, Mickey Gasper has a moustache, while Chris Gasper has a beard.

First the Peebs, now the Fleet are done with the ‘yoffs too?

I hate the Montréal Canadiens with a burning passion, but sacre merde it must be unbelievable to watch a playoff game in their ol’ barn.

Jarren Duran shouldn’t be on any social media at all. No forms of communication except telegraph.

Actually, you can eject Wemby from a playoff game for that.

Maybe Mike Vrabel will get a year off like Cora did. Steve Roenicke available?

WWE is in its WCW era.

Nothing like the drip drip drip of NFL schedule release week.

Way to heroically win one more playoff game than the Celtics did, Sixers.

Something you may not know: Greg Weissert is a clubhouse glue guy. A close friend of Crochet, Story, Duran and the group of bigger names on the roster. A key cog in the clubhouse culture.

Being serious I can’t wait for the Patriots schedule to drop. Going week by week and figuring out which games I’m attending is awesome.

Mitch Johnson looks like one of the ethnically ambiguous backup dancers from “Hamilton.”

Cakes are cooking for Roch Carrier, Harvey Keitel, Senta Berger, Armistead Maupin, “Blue” Lou Marini, Magic Dick Salwitz, Stevie Wonder, Paul Thompson, David Simon, Dennis Rodman, Chris Washburn, Darius Rucker, Parrish J. Smith, Tom Nalen, Josh Taves, Pusha T, Barry Zito, Mike Bibby, Sunny Leone, Lena Dunham, Robert Pattinson, Tyrann Mathieu, Willson Contreras, and Morgan Wallen.

Bob Ryan spending his golden years replying to everyone on twitter is a cautionary tale for the sports debate industrial complex.

Trevor Bauer just needs to get Josina Anderson in his camp.

Duran deleting his whole Instagram account and not just the offending Holley post signals to everyone that he’s having a mental crash out, and that’s his comfort zone. Can’t criticize me!

I hope the $12.5M cap hit next season for the Grizzlies Brandon Clarke gets removed. Right thing to do.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Everyone whines about nepotism with regard to Noah Eagle. Did he have certain advantages to get his foot in the door? Of course. That’s called life. But once you’re in the door, you need to be good to stay there. And he is excellent.

TwoTimes tried to warn us.

Hey gang of innkeepers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “If you got time to tweet, you’ve got time to be neat.”

Is Ken the new WALLDICK? I’m missing out on all the zoinks action.

Philly must have contracted the Mazulla Myth, it must spread by human contact.

Bobby Cox didn’t die like five years ago? Huh.

You can call it what you wanna
I call it messin’ with the kid.

You know you’re at a good brewery when the two TV’s are playing women’s soccer and rodeo.

It’s UFC, not EBT.

Musta got lost, musta got lost, musta got lost
Somewhere down the line
Musta got lost, musta got lost
Give away the day you were mine.

That scene in the Netflix documentary where Cora was preparing the other coaches to handle Duran’s feelingzzzz if he didn’t make the all star team was so embarrassing.

Vic Morrow got an autopsy, too.

Jersey Mike’s turkey and provolone is one of the best subs you’ll ever have.

LeBron must be hating all the ‘will he or won’t he retire’ attention.

When Tolle walks off the mound he looks like a local stumbling out of Triple O’s in 1983.

Matt McCarthy also gets his dental work done at Town Fair Tire.

Hilarious to me that Roman Anthony talked up Alex Bregman all offseason as a leader and someone he looked up to, and then the Sox promptly let him go. Mighta been nice to keep a guy like that!

Kara Lawson shoulda been the third contestant on Celebrity Jeopardy! All-Stars with Katie and Mina!

Sad hearing about Ochre from Vengeance of the Nerds. Reminds me of my college days.

Ladies, for your own safety, stop messing with the thermostat!

Best bet for the weekend: tree pollen.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I just called, to say, I love you.

*And happy birthday to actress and apparently also singer Debby Ryan.*

05/06/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on May 6, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

The show that was terrible on WZLX isn’t better on a worse station? Huh.

I’m just saying it’s awfully suspicious that Spirit Airlines went under right before every other sports fan in Boston was ready to drive Jaylen to the airport.

The Toronto Maple Leafs are lucky like Whitey Bulger when it comes to the Draft lottery.

Sports is supposed to be enjoyable but often sports is not.

Where’s the second longest bar in Worcester?

Ted Johnson wearing glasses makes me laugh every time.

Cakes are cooking for Masanori Murakami, Bob Seger, Jimmie Dale Gilmour, Mary MacGregor, David Leestma, Lynn Whitfield, Tony Blair, Tom Bergeron, Tim Simpson, Kate Collins, Julianne Phillips, George Clooney, Roma Downey, Mark Bryan, Martin Brodeur, Brooke Bennett, Edyta Sliwinska, Jason Witten, Adrianne Palicki, Gabourey Sidibe, Chris Paul, Emily Armstrong, Goran Dragić, Meek Mill, Dominika Cibulková, Jose Altuve, Naomi Scott, and Angel Reese.

I didn’t see the exit interview, did Jaylen say something pseudointellectual and glib?

The divorced whore table at the Knights was particularly aggressive the other night. I was focused on the game.

Hey, at least we don’t have to deal with any more stupid streaming-only Celtics playoff games this year.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I love that for them.”

Red Sox with a modest win streak?

Congratulations Stefon Diggs on your courtroom victory. Also; plan on being bankrupt about 5 minutes after retiring.

Green Line C Branch: May 6-17

Shuttle Buses replace service between Cleveland Circle & Kenmore for maintenance. Shuttles will not service Saint Mary’s Street, Kent Street, or Brandon Hall. Riders at Cleveland Circle can use the D Branch at Reservoir.

Does anyone in the world buy the middle tier of gasoline between unleaded and premium? Who is it for?

John Sterling. In life all good things come to an end, Suzyn. Like his shoehorning a Bambino-esque nickname for every Yankee player. RIP.

I stopped following Amaka Ubaka on Facebook tonight.

Divisive denim trend Szn!

Imagine being forced to scrub the floors while Bart Simpson menacingly informs you that your thetans are out of whack.

Punching Austin Reeves should be mandatory.

CVS needs to cool it with the text messages. I’ll pick up my prescriptions when I damn well please.

Buy gayer grass seed.

The Met Gala? Three Gobbles.

I would have watched Jaylen review tape on Twitch but, you know, I don’t have a gaming chair.

I woke last night to the sound of thunder
How far off I sat and wondered?
Started hummin’ a song from 1962
Ain’t it funny how the night moves?

When you just don’t seem to have as much to lose
Strange how the night moves
With autumn closin’ in…

Honk if you remember when Pinkberry was at the Prudential.

I heard Spurs-Timberwolves Game 2 can only be seen with a View-Master.

A power strip is what everything plugs into. Electricity.

Robert Edward Turner III. He’s why everyone grew up watching the Atlanta Braves on the SuperStation TBS. RIP.

I’m sure Kevin Durant won’t poison the next team he ends up with.

Best bet for the weekend: Cosplay Canadians in Buffalo outplay the genuine Canadiens.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Night Moves.

*Of course Bianca is sad that the Bruins and Celtics playoffs are over, but she’s smiling her way through it.*

Yet Even More Little-Known Beantown (and Foxborough) Sports Facts!

Posted on April 22, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Note: Patrick Scartelli has taken this week off from Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer. In his place is a submission from good friend of The15net dot com, sportswriter Mr. Stanislas Tecumseh Darden, Jr., with an excerpt from his book, ‘406 Little-Known Beantown (& Foxborough) Sports Facts!’

The then-New England Whalers won their first and only World Hockey Association Avco World Trophy at the Boston Garden in 1973!

Pick #199 in the 2000 NFL Draft was a compensatory pick granted to New England after punter Tom Tupa signed with the New York Jets! New England used that pick to draft Michigan QB Tom Brady!

From 1997 to 2007, giant Coke Bottles were attached to a left field light tower for advertising purposes at Fenway Park!

Boston Globe writer Jerry Nason in 1936 coined the term, ‘Heartbreak Hill’ for that stretch of the Newton Hills of the Boston Marathon!

The Boston Celtics and the Boston Red Sox both won their last championships at home!

Boston Garden’s first sporting event was on November 17, 1928, a boxing card headlined by Boston Native “Honey Boy” Dick Finnegan’s defeat of Andre Routis!

The New England Revolution was the last franchise in Major League Soccer to adopt a new logo!

No one knows what happened to the Isobel Cup!

In December of 1995 five fans were electrocuted when a goalpost removed from Foxboro Stadium by jubilant fans came in contact with power lines!

The George R. White Memorial Stadium would be a great potential site for a women’s soccer league team to play!

For several years, Red Sox slugger David Ortiz had no idea what teammate Dustin Pedroia’s first name was!

The Bruins’ Stanley Cup finals appearances in 1988 and 1990 were both disrupted by power outages!

The late Pro Football Hall of Fame inductee Art Donovan played his college football with the Boston College Eagles!

In 1939, a financial dispute between Ice Follies figure skater Sonje Henie and her managers led Boston Garden General Manager Walter Brown and eight other arena managers to found the Ice Capades!

At Fenway Park, there is a big concourse called The Big Concourse!

The New England Free Jacks are defending three-time Major League Rugby Champions!

Fenway Park’s first night game took place on June 13, 1947, when the Boston Red Sox played under the new lights for the first time!

The Beanpot is neither a bean nor a pot, but rather, it is a college hockey tournament between four Boston-area colleges & universities!

The Boston Braves played at Braves Park, (which is now Nickerson Field) from 1915 until 1952!

Three generations of McNeeley’s (Thomas Senior, Tom, and ‘Hurricane’ Peter) boxed professionally at Boston Garden!

The Massachusetts Institute of Technology athletics mascot is a beaver named Tim, which is MIT backwards!

The TD Garden has never hosted an NBA All Star Game! The last one in Boston was played in 1964!

Fenway Franks are made by Everett-based Kayem Foods Inc.!

Joan Benoit won the Woman’s Division of the Boston Marathon in 1979 and 1983, setting a record that would last for 11 years!

Star Cambridge Rindge and Latin hooper Patrick Ewing shocked Beantowners by signing a letter of intent to play for Georgetown instead of a local school!

Fenway Park is the oldest stadium in Major League Baseball!

2026

04/08/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on April 8, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Best friends hold hands all the time. What’s the problem?

You can’t win them every year, UConn. That goes for the men as well as the women.

Red Sox are AIDSier than that lesion on Cora’s face.

This year’s Celtics broad cast was better than the one last year, I guess.

I assure you, there are still white people at Fenway.

Geekie off the schnied. The rest of the Black & Gold? eh.

I think the powers that be have drastically overestimated people’s desire for more Kelce family content.

First they say Bill is too hostile to the media. Now this. Make up your mind, people.

Cakes are coking for Stuart Pankin, Tim Thomerson, Steve Howe, Jim Lampley, Mel Schacher, Adam Woods, Barbara Kingsolver, Kane Hodder, Fred Smerlas, John Schneider, Izzy Stradlin, Julian Lennon, Terry Porter, Lisa Guerrero, Robin Wright, Patricia Arquette, Alex Gonzalez, Emma Caulfield, Jeremy Guthrie, Taylor Kitsch, Gennady Golovkin, Ezra Koenig, Félix Hernández, Matthew Healy, CeeDee Lamb, and Isaac Hempstead Wright.

Yeah, let’s get NFL-like catch rules for baseball. That’ll go great. ‘You have to make a baseball move after you catch it.’

Courtney Love looks absolutely nothing like Courtney Love.

It was a magnanimous gesture for Geno to offer that insincere apology.

Anthony Lopopolo is JK Rowling character levels of hilarious. Why not just name him ‘Vowels Spaghettini?’

Hey gang of reply guys, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I was disappointed that you were joking, then I clicked the probable spam and was disappointed you were telling the truth.”

Will Flemming should be shot into the sun for promising me smiles.

Lakers fans complaining about Luka and Reaves being injured, try dealing with consecutive first round picks DYING and get back to me.

Maybe Mike Vrabel is just an affectionate greeter?

LMAO at Barkley pretending he pays attention to women’s basketball.

Bodhisattva, would you take me by the hand?

Word of advice, if you have bipolar or another mental illness, don’t jack up your credit cards when in a mania or in a depression…use cash! Interest is a nasty mofo.

Drew Carter is morphing into Chris Forsberg.

Remember, weakness is just pain leaving the body.

The Section 10 podcast has been dropped by more platforms than Katie Nolan.

Don’t worry, guys, I’m sure Mike Reiss will hold Coach Vrabes accountable.

“Portuguese pulled pork” is what Sal calls a handjob.

The Michigan guys look taller because their numbers are so small and set high.

Flavor Flav passing Snoop as our most Reddit-coded rapper.

Dianna’s not perverted; she’s just Italian.

I will remember you
Your silhouette will charge the view
Of distant atmosphere
Call it morning driving through the sound
And even in the valley.

In and around the lake
Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there
One mile over we’ll be there and we’ll see you
Ten true summers we’ll be there and laughing, too
24 before my love you’ll see I’ll be there with you.

I look forward to Chuck Klosterman’s next book where he writes about “How the Challenger Explosion Explains the ABS Era.”

Your insole size is the same as your shoe size.

Sir Paul McCartney doesn’t get enough credit for the “Spies Like Us’ song.

Puka is going to Nazi rehab?

Honk if you remember David Copperfield making the Statue of Liberty disappear.

Triston. Not #owning.

Vrabes will now have to interlock fingers with Karen Guregian the next time he sees her. All fix!

Whether it’s a hotel in Chicago on the Artemis II spacecraft, breaking the toilet will make you feel like a numrod.

Blink and you missed it, but Don Orsillo was back in town during the series against the Padres!

Jerry Thornton is really scared he’s going to join his brothers in hell.

CVS not immediately offering the Easter candy at 50% off is a breach of the unwrittens.

A little hand-holding is all Peter King ever really wanted.

Congratulations, Steve Burton.

Cooper Flagg is just unbelievable.

Best bet for the weekend: it coming down to the final hole on the last day at Augusta National.

Deleted. But the foreverality of the interwebs and things like that.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Old Friends Hacksaw and Miserable Fellow, @PatriotsDaily, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Perfect for entertaining, or just snacking.

*And happy birthday to actress Kirsten Storms.*

04/01/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on April 1, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*It’s still Spring Training for the NESN Graphics Department.*

There’s nothing wrong with our Sox that can’t be fixed by a few games at America’s Most Beloved Ballpark.

Ah. That’s how Tiger’s hitting ’em.

Mut pretending that reaction video was live is hilarious. Have you ever yelled “Trap, Trap!” at a TV screen?

I like NESN’s new score bug.

Duke fans watching the final seconds of that game must have felt a level of horror usually reserved for a manned spaceflight disaster.

If you think about it, every night should be Women In Sports Night.

Can you really get fired from a job when you worked three hours a week?

The creator of Severance definitely got the idea after listening to his wife recap her workday for two hours a night.

Will Italy take part in the Soccer NIT?

Cakes are cooking for Ali MacGraw, Robin Scott, Simon Crow, Billy Currie, Annette O’Toole, Barry Sonnenfeld, Mark White, Scott Stevens, Jumbo Elliott, Mark Jackson, Mike McCoy, Richard Christy, Magdalena Maleeva, David Gilliland, Jon Gosselin, Tangela Smith, Jean-Pierre Dumont, Bijou Phillips, Randy Orton, Hillary Scott, Mackenzie Davis, Brook Lopez, Logan Paul, and Álex Palou.

WTF happened to Lenny Dinardo? Vernon used to think he was dreamy, now he looks like an evil head of security for a nefarious corporation on a TV show.

Is there a media outlet that Andrew Raycroft doesn’t work for?

Colonoscopy went great. No polyps and don’t have to get another one for 10 years.

Just know people are staring at my weird-ass tan line at the gym right now.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “He’s without shame or competence.”

Ullmark with five goals against in the first after being mentally “unavailable” in the last game, but Sweeney got robbed getting Letourneau, Kastelic and Korpisalo with salary retained.

Every Grant Hill comment sounds like a generic sound bite in a video game.

Cassidy out, Torts in? Weird.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to an earlier signal problem at State.

Kid pulled up from the Lincoln Memorial. What a friggin’ shot!

Congratulations to Chris Boomer Berman on being named to the Disney Legends. I first met him watching Red Sox Batting Practice back in the late 80’s.

NBC does sports broadcasting the best and it isn’t even close.

Project Hail Mary renewed my faith in movies. And not just because Gosling’s character is Ryland Grace and his ship is Hail Mary. So it’s literally “Hail Mary, full of Grace.”

Why are there people clamoring to hear a Jared Carrabis podcast?

It’s not in the words that you told me, girl
It’s not in the way you say you’re mine
It’s not in the way that you came back to me
It’s not in the way that your love set me free
It’s not in the way you look or the things that you say that you do

Hold the line
Love isn’t always on time, whoa-whoa-whoa
Hold the line
Love isn’t always on time, whoa-whoa-whoa.

Is Perdue basketball legally obligated to have an ogre on their team every year?

UConn hero Braylon Mullins looks like someone who lied about being older than they are just so they could serve their country in World War I.

A: Dental dams.

TreVeyon could spend less time interpreting the Bible and more time watching defensive formations on film. Just sayin’.

Our Lady Peace still got it.

Tiger would have been fine if those stupid truck people hadn’t “slowed down” to “turn into a driveway,” Who does that!?

Honk if you remember The Great Blue Hill Volcano.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

Dual Cams. Nice for engines, less so for Twitter.

Is there a bin of discarded outfits from Dirty Water TV that Lucy changes into for Boston Has Entered the Chat?

Skenes got roughed up on Opening Day? Women weaken legs.

The Rooney Rule is really more of a Rooney Suggestion.

Triston Casas shut down? That never happens.

Best bet for the weekend: a humdinger of a game between Michigan and Arizona.

*Aloha means ‘goodbye.’ Aloha, Dan Lifshatz.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. F-f-f-foolin’.

*Some days Bianca just wants to feel sparkly.*

03/18/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on March 18, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Hockey jerseys no contain magic?

I love how Jim Nantz every year has to go from March Madness to The Masters two days later.

The Red Sox players performing well in the WBC is a positive sign for the season to come, right?

Upton Bell’s Father Bert Bell who founded the Philadelphia Eagles wanted Green from the very beginning.

Would totally watch a “Swingers”-style comedy starring Andy Wong, JStew, Sarge, and that other charmless slob.

Alex Caruso would be a beloved Celtic. I really believe that.

I’ve deleted a post incorrectly identifying who was suspended today. It was Johan Rojas of the Philadelphia Phillies who was suspended.

News Item: Bryce Huff announced that he is starting a company called Neighborstone, which will build safety infrastructure to help with fire risk on lithium-ion batteries.

I guess I’ll root for whichever team from a Massachusetts college or university made it into the Tournament.

Cakes are cooking for Carl Gottlieb, Drew Struzan, Brad Dourif, Rick Martel, Irene Cara, Luc Besson, James McMurtry, Bonnie Blair, Jerry Cantrell, Queen Latifah, Adam Levine, Chad Cordero, Lily Collins, and J.T. Realmuto.

Good to have an old-school Twitter night on tap (hopefully). #Oscars

I’m so damn proud of our gold medal winning sled hockey team. I hope someday to learn what their names are.

Åberg? Å no!

Meal prep, bro. Nothing like planning to essentially eat leftovers every day.

Sorry if I missed your tags today. I’m a little laid up w my back.

AI coach already telling me to tone down my weightlifting 10 days out from 20-mile race. This is the robot trying to weaken the man in order to take over the world. Cannot be fooled.

The winner of the WBC should face the winner of the NBA Cup.

Food cleanse includes booze? WTF.

I’m pretty sure there were entire months where the Revs didn’t score 6 total goals. Good job.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s good practice to keep your cream out of the refrigerator during coffee drinking hours; they don’t call it “table cream” for nothin’.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Playing in the NFL is pretty cool, but ya know what’s *really* cool? Preventing lithium battery fires.”

I watched “Fukushima: A Nuclear Nightmare” last night on HBO and I can’t remember the last time a documentary brought me to tears that much.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

The black dog and the wandering boy
Come around every night.
The wandering boy never gets any older
The black dog doesn’t bite.
He just sits on the floor at the corner of the bed
Watching for the things that haunt.
They oughta both go away when I take my meds:
But they don’t.

Hey, somebody lie to me
Hey, somebody lie to me.

There is no greater Lenten sacrifice than choosing a hot buttered lobster roll as your meatless Friday meal.

My lawyer laughed at “dipshit”.

Just so everyone knows: true NCAA tournament “upsets” begin at 4-13. And don’t even think about 9 over 8.

Honk if you remember the Gardner Museum heist.

Do you guys ever think about how epic Anya Taylor-Joy’s peripheral vision must be?

“Dubai Chocolate” is the weirdest psyop I’ve ever encountered.

You can tell I’m a weather enthusiast because I measure rainfall to the hundredth of an inch.

That wasn’t quite the St. Crispin’s Day speech, Aaron.

The clump of confiscated gallon containers of booze is a welcome addition to St. Patrick’s Day Parade B-roll footage.

Welcome Boston Legacy FC.

Maybe should have boiled the corned beef for another hour.

I wonder if any former Patriots player and a current Celtics player were ever guests on the Tonight Show before. Probably not.

Can’t put all your hopes into a Zacha hat trick every game.

Best bet for the weekend: Flag Football, what else?

*It’s nice not having to defend Tom anymore when he’s like this.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Let’s dance.

*And happy birthday to producer/actress/singer/model and Miss America 1984 (resigned, for reasons) Vanessa Williams.*

2026 March Sadness Round One Day One

Posted on March 10, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

In either a stinging rebuke of the Selection Committee’s choices, or a positive affirmation of their Wild Card selections, the voters have swept all four wild cards to victory over their normally seeded opponents. What a moment! Polls for the first full day of the Tournament will remain open until 9 PM EDT tonight, March 10th. Please enjoy.

02/11/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on February 11, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

After the flyover, the situation deteriorated.

A Super Bowl loss that doesn’t involve Mike Ditka, Buddy Ryan, Fridge Perry, the Foxboro Stadium WATS line, good ole Brett Favre, Desmond Howard, any and all New York Football Giants, or Beta testing legal formation, possession and scoring rules? I’m okay with that.

Lindsey Vonn thinks Will Campbell shouldn’t have been out there if he was less than 100%.

Scal found Cooper Flagg in an abandoned potato field in Aroostook County.

How far along has cloning technology come and if far enough can Dante Scarnecchia donate some DNA?

If Drake Maye and New England’s offense looked like that all season, maybe Sam Monson would have voted him MVP.

It’s the Olympics for Mediviac flight helicopter crews, too. Probably.

Tatum cleared to practice? How exciting!

Bad Bunny is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.

Adam Vinatieri getting into Canton is well deserved. There: I said it.

So when pitchers and catchers report, is there a set location at the Spring Training facilities, or does it vary team-to-team?

Curling is just less greasy bocce.

Cakes are cooking for Tina Louise, Lynn Goldsmith, Vangelis Kordompoulis, Jeb Bush, David Uosikkinen, Richard Mastracchio, Becky LeBeau, Carey Lowell, Sheryl Crow, Ken Shamrock, Sarah Palin, Mo Willems, Jennifer Aniston, Damian Lewis, Alex Jones, Jaroslav Špaček, Andy Lally, Brice Beckham, Peter Hayes, Brandy Norwood, Matthew Lawrence, Natasha Bobo, Kelly Rowland, Natalie Dormer, Aubrey O’Day, Mike Richards, Beat Feuz, Laurent Duvernay-Tardif, Rosé, and Khaled.

Czechia is the Czech Republic’s snappy nickname, like calling Tom Caron ‘TC.’

Blue Line Update: Delays of about 30 minutes while personnel address a track problem at Suffolk Downs. Riders can use Rt SL3 bus for alternate service between Airport and South Station.

Never could understand the lack of personal hygiene among the Fourth Estate.

I just watched Ron Harper Jr thoroughly out play Kevin Durant. They might have to ban Brad Stevens, man.

Charlie Puth? what is that, Comanche Indian?

Kraft setting up a war room at Gillette to track antisemitism is hilarious. Meanwhile the team is forced to choke down powdered eggs in the cafeteria.

Hey gang of AP stringers! this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Your new name is Irridium Shafafa.”

Bad Bunny’s Halftime performance? I loved it. it was much better than ‘Cats.’ I’m going to see it again and again.

Jamie Jaquez looks like an extra in Black Sails.

The irony of a guy named Walker winning Super Bowl MVP – because he’s good at running.

Boston College’s decade-long regional Beanpot drought nightmare is finally over.

If you’re a woman who’s never taken a self-defense class, now would be a good time to start.

Mike Reiss Mailbag – “That’s a very thoughtful question BigDogSaladTosser69.”

The Maine Red Claws changing their name to the Maine Celtics is like reverse of all the minor league baseball teams that went from being the ‘Podunk (MLB affiliate name)’, to, say, The ‘Cobalt City Electric Armadillos,’

Hey Peacock, can you get us Olympic feeds without announcers? This curling pair knows less about curling than a stray dog knows about The Kuiper Belt.

I’m nails
I’m a knife
I’m a preacher with a gun
I’m a one man lie
I’m a king
I’m a ruse
I’m born again with no life to lose

Cause it don’t mean all that much, does it?
But we never really had a choice
No, it don’t mean all that much to us
But we never really had a choice
We’re conscience killers
Don’t want no conscience at all.

I asked a normie what they thought about lobster-adjacent AI programs that soon will be frame mogging and jestergooning at greater than moid levels and they had no idea what I was talking about. I thought I would cry.

Green Day gets better with time. Great set.

I hope Drake Maye at least gets the benefit of the bargain that comes with the Kendall Jenner curse. If you know what I mean.

Honk if you remember Toots Shor.

The last Monday game Kansas basketball lost in their own building came on Feb. 5, 2001: 79-77 against Iowa State.

I really should have eaten an early lunch today when I had the chance.

Guyanese sounds like some men’s rights thing.

A: Benny the Ball, Choo-Choo, Brain, Spook, and Fancy-Fancy.

Finally saw Sinners and really liked it. I made a conscious effort to not learn anything about it beforehand. It was nice having no expectations.

Woodward, Bernstein, Farinella.

Tom Brady doesn’t have a dog in the fight for the Super Bowl but he does have a dog in a cloning facility which is objectively way worse.

The Globe is bringing everyone back they sent to Santa Clara? Why?

My suggestion for the Super Bowl halftime next year: Oasis. They’re the biggest band in the world again, and they’re perfect for it. Liam Gallagher would be a bit of a wild card, but oh well.

Any other ex-Celtics that can’t play more than 15 minutes a week available? Asking for a friend.

Mike Tirico went from covering a sporting event, to then covering a sporting event. He didn’t cure polio.

Pspspsps. PSPSPSPS!

Best bet for the weekend: Olympics, or Spring Training batting practice. Pick em.

Cooz bobblehead night at the TD Garden. (Plumber and accountant bobbleheads sold separately.)

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Dakota Randall, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I beat the Devil’s tattoo.

I sincerely hope the Puccini, Verdi, and Rossini big head guys will be foot racing each other between halves at Serie A matches in the near-future.

Football Cat’s Super Bowl LX Pick

Posted on February 6, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

The Patriots are back in the Super Bowl for the 12th time in the past 41years. For all you non-math majors out there, that equates to 29.3% of the time. Not bad for a franchise that used to play in a Zayre’s parking lot back in the AFL days.

The Patriots have now been to 4 more Super Bowls than any other team, with an overall record of 6-5 heading into Sunday’s game. If they win, they will break a tie with the Steelers for the most wins in Super Bowl history. If they lose, they will break a tie with the Broncos for most losses in Super Bowl history. So win or lose they are guaranteed to make history. We here at Football Cat World Headquarters just hope everyone has fun!

Speaking of fun, here is a fun fact: Sam Darnold is 0-4 against the Patriots in his career, three losses with the Jets and one with the Panthers. He has thrown 1 touchdown and 9 interceptions, with a combined passer rating of 41.2. The Patriots are the monkey in Sam Darnold’s wrench.