04/08/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Best friends hold hands all the time. What’s the problem?
You can’t win them every year, UConn. That goes for the men as well as the women.
Red Sox are AIDSier than that lesion on Cora’s face.
This year’s Celtics broad cast was better than the one last year, I guess.
I assure you, there are still white people at Fenway.
Geekie off the schnied. The rest of the Black & Gold? eh.
I think the powers that be have drastically overestimated people’s desire for more Kelce family content.
First they say Bill is too hostile to the media. Now this. Make up your mind, people.
Cakes are coking for Stuart Pankin, Tim Thomerson, Steve Howe, Jim Lampley, Mel Schacher, Adam Woods, Barbara Kingsolver, Kane Hodder, Fred Smerlas, John Schneider, Izzy Stradlin, Julian Lennon, Terry Porter, Lisa Guerrero, Robin Wright, Patricia Arquette, Alex Gonzalez, Emma Caulfield, Jeremy Guthrie, Taylor Kitsch, Gennady Golovkin, Ezra Koenig, Félix Hernández, Matthew Healy, CeeDee Lamb, and Isaac Hempstead Wright.
Yeah, let’s get NFL-like catch rules for baseball. That’ll go great. ‘You have to make a baseball move after you catch it.’
Courtney Love looks absolutely nothing like Courtney Love.
It was a magnanimous gesture for Geno to offer that insincere apology.
Anthony Lopopolo is JK Rowling character levels of hilarious. Why not just name him ‘Vowels Spaghettini?’
Hey gang of reply guys, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I was disappointed that you were joking, then I clicked the probable spam and was disappointed you were telling the truth.”
Will Flemming should be shot into the sun for promising me smiles.
Lakers fans complaining about Luka and Reaves being injured, try dealing with consecutive first round picks DYING and get back to me.
Maybe Mike Vrabel is just an affectionate greeter?
LMAO at Barkley pretending he pays attention to women’s basketball.
Bodhisattva, would you take me by the hand?
Word of advice, if you have bipolar or another mental illness, don’t jack up your credit cards when in a mania or in a depression…use cash! Interest is a nasty mofo.
Drew Carter is morphing into Chris Forsberg.
Remember, weakness is just pain leaving the body.
The Section 10 podcast has been dropped by more platforms than Katie Nolan.
Don’t worry, guys, I’m sure Mike Reiss will hold Coach Vrabes accountable.
“Portuguese pulled pork” is what Sal calls a handjob.
The Michigan guys look taller because their numbers are so small and set high.
Flavor Flav passing Snoop as our most Reddit-coded rapper.
Dianna’s not perverted; she’s just Italian.
I will remember you
Your silhouette will charge the view
Of distant atmosphere
Call it morning driving through the sound
And even in the valley.
In and around the lake
Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there
One mile over we’ll be there and we’ll see you
Ten true summers we’ll be there and laughing, too
24 before my love you’ll see I’ll be there with you.
I look forward to Chuck Klosterman’s next book where he writes about “How the Challenger Explosion Explains the ABS Era.”
Your insole size is the same as your shoe size.
Sir Paul McCartney doesn’t get enough credit for the “Spies Like Us’ song.
Puka is going to Nazi rehab?
Honk if you remember David Copperfield making the Statue of Liberty disappear.
Triston. Not #owning.
Vrabes will now have to interlock fingers with Karen Guregian the next time he sees her. All fix!
Whether it’s a hotel in Chicago on the Artemis II spacecraft, breaking the toilet will make you feel like a numrod.
Blink and you missed it, but Don Orsillo was back in town during the series against the Padres!
Jerry Thornton is really scared he’s going to join his brothers in hell.
CVS not immediately offering the Easter candy at 50% off is a breach of the unwrittens.
A little hand-holding is all Peter King ever really wanted.
Congratulations, Steve Burton.
Cooper Flagg is just unbelievable.
Best bet for the weekend: it coming down to the final hole on the last day at Augusta National.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Old Friends Hacksaw and Miserable Fellow, @PatriotsDaily, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Perfect for entertaining, or just snacking.




































