TO’s & Threes – Celtics Column 03/27/26

You know who didn’t come back from an Achilles injury? Achilles.

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

It is almost impossible to appreciate anything in our modern, instant gratification world nowadays. It is not enough for a top 5 superstar to return from a devastating injury in less than a year after surgery; if he is not immediately his old self after two weeks, then he’s a bum. Must be comfortable writing 240-character eulogies from the comfort of your couch while wondering what toppings you’ll order for your next pizza pie.

The concerns for Jayson Tatum are real, and they are also expected. If by some miracle he was his MVP-caliber self at this point, I’d consider it a glitch in the matrix. You can compare him to Kevin Durant, but the difference is Durant took 18 months to recover. The argument against Tatum is that he is not the otherworldly shot-maker Durant is. He plays more like a mini-Giannis, utilizing bully-ball to a maximalist extent. Two different players—all they shared was having the same injury at one point during their primes.

But it’s not like Durant is the same player since his injury. The shot-making is still off the charts, but his passing, playmaking, and athleticism suffered. The contrast between what he is now and what he was in 2014, 2016, 2017, etc., is stark. Even as he’s recovered, he lost something that cannot come back. That’s what makes the Achilles worse than most other injuries.

Does our Hoplite still have his hops? So far. The shooting touch will return, in time.

For Tatum, it’s impossible to see what he’s lost yet. It’s hard to attribute his missed attempts to the injury or just growing pains reintegrating into the offense. We probably don’t want to admit it, but the Celtics established a cohesive hierarchy in Tatum’s absence and reinvented themselves from a high-volume three-point team living and dying on variance to a multi-faceted system that incorporates cutting, the post, and near-the-basket action. Essentially, they are a superior version of the 2024 team in terms of the ways they can score. Whether Tatum can find his footing on a team that isn’t as reliant on him is another topic for discussion.

Prior to his return, Tatum said he was not coming back to be a role player. I don’t know why the term “role player” is treated like a slur in NBA circles. Role players are important. They play, well, a crucial role. Role players are the glue that holds your star players together and elevates the rest of the roster. If we look at the Los Angeles Lakers and the little renaissance they’re experiencing, it can be attributed to LeBron James’ usage going down dramatically and clearing the way for Luka Doncic and Austin Reaves to be their No. 1 and No. 2 best players. It’s something Tatum should be open to so Jaylen Brown and Derrick White can continue leading the show. If Tatum was slotted into a role similar to Baylor Scheierman for the rest of the year, I struggle to see the indignity beyond fat losers online having a laugh.

 (Photo by Brian Fluharty/Getty Images) 

It is undersold how difficult it is for Tatum to rediscover his groove in the late parts of the regular season, in the midst of a tight race for the second seed. Tatum is not in basketball-playing shape, and we can’t fault him for that. He’s huffing and puffing, playing nearly thirty minutes a night when less than a month ago he just started playing competitive five-on-five.

The pluses Tatum brings on the floor are his defense and passing. The Celtics’ turnovers are cut down when he’s on-ball, facilitating and moonlighting as the point guard. He’s their best dribbler and passer by far. But what the Celtics aren’t better at when Tatum is on the floor is shooting the basketball. Sam Hauser is critical to their outside game. A development this season has been Brown’s decision-making and ability to not settle for jump shots, whereas in the past he would. He’s a constant attacker who’ll create for himself even while guarded tightly, and can kick out to an open Hauser in the corner after commanding lethal amounts of gravity.


Tatum on the floor in his current state messes with that nucleus. That’s not to say he’s a hindrance. The Celtics sport a +14.1 net rating when he’s playing. And we shouldn’t ignore the fact that Tatum has altered his play style to better complement those around him. He is being more selective in his shot attempts, emphasizing his other skills that don’t involve just scoring. But there are some tweaks needed to make the offense flow smoother.

If Joe Mazzulla can figure out a way to lower Tatum’s minutes, reduce his role into a perimeter shooter, versatile defender who can guard multiple positions and crash the boards—sort of like a high-energy bench player who starts—you’ll basically have a taller version of Derrick White.

In 2026-27, the expectations for Tatum will be that he returns to his All-NBA form. Until then, a role player is what should be expected from him, and he deserves a certain amount of grace for what he’s battled against and what he’s willingly sacrificed for the betterment of the team.

Tatum is not sulking in his tent.

Vinny Jace is a special contributor to The15net.com. He does not live on the coast of the wine-dark Aegean Sea.

2026 March Sadness – The Hateable 8

It’s all building up to something. Eight very hateable media members soon will be reduced to four. By your votes. Polls will close at 9 PM EDT.

Update: Polls will close temporarily at 12:30 PM EDT to deal with voting irregularity issues. Thank you in advance.

2nd Update: Done.

03/25/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Still time to pick up a thoughtful Opening Day Eve greeting card.

Does NESN really need to have a 40-man roster?

Schools should teach people how to hit a baseball like Shohei Ohtani. And pitch a baseball like Shohei Ohtani.

Imagine being snubbed by “Sarge?”

Losing at cornhole to an armless guy must be humiliating.

A post about former #Patriots running back BenJarvus Green-Ellis popped up on my timeline. It looked familiar because I posted it 6 months ago. Stealing posts and taking credit for other people’s work/research stinks. Be original or give credit. Simple.

James Hagens Watch < Butch Coolidge’s Watch.

If I didn’t want to be recognized I’d probably not dress myself up like a Lewis Carroll-themed episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Musicals in the right creative hands are good movies.

News Item: New food items to be sold at Fenway Park this season. I should hope so: the stuff left over from 2025 must have spoiled by now, or else have freezer burn.

Cakes are coking for Paul Michael Glaser, Bonnie Bedelia, Elton John, Jean Potvin, Robert O’Reilly, Maisie Williams, Mary Gross, John McDermott, Lee Mazzilli, Hugo Burnham, Haywood Nelson, Mark Brooks, Marcia Cross, Alex Solis, Sarah Jessica Parker, Tom Glavine, Cathy Dennis, Dan Wilson, Travis Fryman, Magnus Larssen, Cammi Granato, Sheryl Swoopes, Lark Voorhies, Wladimir Klitschko, Nathanael Bargatze, Joe King, Katharine McPhee, Kyle Lowry,  Alyson Michalka, Mikey Madison, and Sha’Carri Richardson.

There is also some leftover cake in a Herb Chambers dealership breakroom, if you want something not from a vending machine.

Holy fargin’ leg, Vasy!!!!

I love when the Boston Radio Watch guy tells me who was topping the charts 37 years ago. It’s like he’s reading my mind!

Hey gang of allegedly sapphic sisters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “They never considered me.”

The Saturday night “oohs” and “aahs” in Montreal just hit different. @hockeynight

Hey guys, it’s flag football. Settle down.

No Beanpot teams in the NCAA Hockey Tournament this year, that hasn’t happened since 1981.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

I can’t imagine being a born rich white girl and needing so badly to feel oppressed that I pretend to be half-gay.

UConn fans rooting for St. John’s are the worst.

Stoughton MBTA Commuter Rail Passengers: Train 972 (the 7:18 PM train from Stoughton to South Station) will operate via the Fairmount Line making all stops between Fairmount and South Station.

No man’s a jester playing Shakespeare
‘Round your throne room floor.
While the juggler’s act is danced upon
The crown that you once wore.

And sooner or later
Everybody’s kingdom must end.
And I’m so afraid your courtiers
Cannot be called best friends.

Caesar’s had your troubles
Widows had to cry.
While mercenaries in cloisters sing
And the king must die.

Stop the presses! I just saw Michigan’s Aday Mara attempt an (awkward) old- fashioned hook shot! And then Mara amazingly guided in a backward alley-oop finish!

Shaddup, you fake loser account with your idiotic bullshit takes. Beat it, bitch.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s good practice to keep your cream out of the refrigerator during coffee drinking hours; they don’t call it “table cream” for nothin’.

Jim Rice talks like an anthropomorphic cat from a lesser known ‘70s Disney movie.

Honk if you remember Tom Dempsey.

People have strong feelings about the black jelly beans.

The Red Sox, they could surprise you!

“Rooster”, the new Steve Carell show on HBO, is pretty good so far. Has a sitcom vibe to it.

A: miniature rubber ducks.

To be fair I wouldn’t want to do my taxes either if i only got paid with several dozen 1099s because I didn’t have any real jobs.

Is James Hagens’ hockey nickname Hagesy or Haigy?

If Voltaire had been a basketball fan, I’m sure he would have said, “Si Victor Wembanyama n’existait pas, il faudrait l’inventer.”

I don’t hate Rick Pitino. Sorry, comrade.

What do you call a professional cornhole player with no arms and legs in the ocean?
Bob!

Overpay for a Kelce more. You can’t!

Best bet for the weekend: the college basketball women’s favorites covering the spread.

A definite paucity of Fribbles to be found in South Dakota. Unfortunately.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Natural’s not in it.

And happy birthday to IndyCar race winner Danica Patrick.

Sorry Sixteen Preview – March Sadness 2026

Welcome to Round 3 of March Sadness 2026, when the true pieces of shit separate themselves from the turds.

You can’t tell the players without a scorecard


If you were expecting a “Sour Sixteen” preview, then we have one word for you… SORRRRRREY! It’s now the “Sorry Sixteen” © ®Patent Pending. And a very sorry preview it is…

Region C
1 Greg Bedard vs 5 Dan Shaughnessy

It took overtime for Shank to sneak into the Sour Sorry Sixteen by the skin of his McTeeth. Look for Bedard to kick his balls up around his head.

The sun will come out tomorrow, but only for one of these two

2 Fred Toucher vs 3 Adam Jones
Fred Toucher spent a lot of time last week defending himself against accusation of racism. You know who doesn’t spend a lot of time defending themselves against accusations of racism? Non-racists. He doth protest too much advances.

Region V
1 Jim Murray vs 12 Chris Curtis

Advancing to the Sour Sixteen may be the second most shocking thing Curtis has ever done, but Large Gymnasium wins the battle of the bald middle aged dimwitted overconfident flash boys.

Curtis, in happier times, with the most shocking thing he’s done.

2 Marc Bertrand vs 3 Andy Hart
The Far Side kid burns lil’ Andy with his magnifying glass

Region N
1 Gabrielle Starr vs 4 Kevin F Paul Dupont

The woman in sports snips KPD’s sports manhood

2 James Stewart vs 3 Michael Felger
Jimmy Stewart gives Felger the Lavanchy treatment.

Gentleman, hide your ladies… and your cats

Region T
1 Ted Johnson vs 5 Scott Zolak

We will finally get an answer to a question that has been confounding medical experts for decades: Which causes more long term cognitive issues, head trauma or substance abuse? We’ve got good news, you can keep doing drugs kids, CTEd snowplows Zo.

2 Chris Gasper vs 3 Albert Breer
Breer sends Kid Gas to the golden showers.

It’s outrageous, egregious, preposterous

Vote early and often!

03/18/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Venezuela needed a W.

Hockey jerseys no contain magic?

I love how Jim Nantz every year has to go from March Madness to The Masters two days later.

The Red Sox players performing well in the WBC is a positive sign for the season to come, right?

Upton Bell’s Father Bert Bell who founded the Philadelphia Eagles wanted Green from the very beginning.

Would totally watch a “Swingers”-style comedy starring Andy Wong, JStew, Sarge, and that other charmless slob.

Alex Caruso would be a beloved Celtic. I really believe that.

I’ve deleted a post incorrectly identifying who was suspended today. It was Johan Rojas of the Philadelphia Phillies who was suspended.

News Item: Bryce Huff announced that he is starting a company called Neighborstone, which will build safety infrastructure to help with fire risk on lithium-ion batteries.

I guess I’ll root for whichever team from a Massachusetts college or university made it into the Tournament.

Cakes are cooking for Carl Gottlieb, Drew Struzan, Brad Dourif, Rick Martel, Irene Cara, Luc Besson, James McMurtry, Bonnie Blair, Jerry Cantrell, Queen Latifah, Adam Levine, Chad Cordero, Lily Collins, and J.T. Realmuto.

Good to have an old-school Twitter night on tap (hopefully). #Oscars

I’m so damn proud of our gold medal winning sled hockey team. I hope someday to learn what their names are.

Åberg? Å no!

Meal prep, bro. Nothing like planning to essentially eat leftovers every day.

Sorry if I missed your tags today. I’m a little laid up w my back.

AI coach already telling me to tone down my weightlifting 10 days out from 20-mile race. This is the robot trying to weaken the man in order to take over the world. Cannot be fooled.

The winner of the WBC should face the winner of the NBA Cup.

Food cleanse includes booze? WTF.

I’m pretty sure there were entire months where the Revs didn’t score 6 total goals. Good job.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s good practice to keep your cream out of the refrigerator during coffee drinking hours; they don’t call it “table cream” for nothin’.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Playing in the NFL is pretty cool, but ya know what’s *really* cool? Preventing lithium battery fires.”

I watched “Fukushima: A Nuclear Nightmare” last night on HBO and I can’t remember the last time a documentary brought me to tears that much.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

The black dog and the wandering boy
Come around every night.
The wandering boy never gets any older
The black dog doesn’t bite.
He just sits on the floor at the corner of the bed
Watching for the things that haunt.
They oughta both go away when I take my meds:
But they don’t.

Hey, somebody lie to me
Hey, somebody lie to me.

There is no greater Lenten sacrifice than choosing a hot buttered lobster roll as your meatless Friday meal.

My lawyer laughed at “dipshit”.

Just so everyone knows: true NCAA tournament “upsets” begin at 4-13. And don’t even think about 9 over 8.

Honk if you remember the Gardner Museum heist.

Do you guys ever think about how epic Anya Taylor-Joy’s peripheral vision must be?

“Dubai Chocolate” is the weirdest psyop I’ve ever encountered.

You can tell I’m a weather enthusiast because I measure rainfall to the hundredth of an inch.

That wasn’t quite the St. Crispin’s Day speech, Aaron.

The clump of confiscated gallon containers of booze is a welcome addition to St. Patrick’s Day Parade B-roll footage.

Welcome Boston Legacy FC.

Maybe should have boiled the corned beef for another hour.

I wonder if any former Patriots player and a current Celtics player were ever guests on the Tonight Show before. Probably not.

Can’t put all your hopes into a Zacha hat trick every game.

Best bet for the weekend: Flag Football, what else?

It’s nice not having to defend Tom anymore when he’s like this.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Let’s dance.

And happy birthday to producer/actress/singer/model and Miss America 1984 (resigned, for reasons) Vanessa Williams.
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