07/29/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

I would suggest that Portnoy not take retards with him to Celebrity Family Feud, but I honestly don’t know who the non-retarded Barstool employees are.
How do you have x-rays negative and a broken wrist?
I love a good Facebook page.
Dr. Blumberg is neglecting her wifely duties; keeping Robert’s pathological need to be in front of a camera in check.
If you get into an online argument about badminton, do they say “you don’t know cock”?
It’s over for Mr. Lombardi.
Lot of bad tattoos at the beach right now.
LeBron is not a Wolf.
Hi not being a jerk but please don’t use “kiddos.” Kids or campers works. Thx
Cakes are coking for Charles Schwab, Roz Kelly, Michelle Angelo, Neal Doughty, Leslie Easterbrook, Geddy Lee, Ken Burns, Patti Scialfa, Scott Steiner, Martina McBride, Mike Williams, Wil Wheaton, Wanyá Morris, Josh Radnor, Allison Mack, Ashley McBryde, Chad Billingsley, and Dak Prescott.
Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays (enough to be constantly on vacation) is, “Maybe the crew at Dave & Busters are still trying to fish out those skee balls.”
311 is very polarizing.
You get tired much earlier in the night after a fun day at the beach.
The WNBA is going to fuck up the free lunch after the one-car funeral procession for their league.
I don’t want to say I called the Mead injury right away but that’s exactly how it unfolded, like an old AAA map of New England in your glove compartment.
Imagine sharing a screen with Chris Curtis and being, by far, the uglier person.
Cumberland College thought Team Barstool got their asses kicked.
I like that Dan Kelley strays into slightly edgier content than Dan Kelley Sports.
A seagull pooped on my mom’s head at the beach. Thankfully she was wearing my old Hartford Whalers hat that i never wore because it was the wrong hat style. Still sucked having to throw away a Whalers hat at a CT Beach.
Living on a lighted stage
Approaches the unreal
For those who think and feel
In touch with some reality
Beyond the gilded cage
Cast in this unlikely role,
Ill-equipped to act
With insufficient tact
One must put up barriers
To keep oneself intact.
Curtis Mead got injured before some not-as-clever-as-they-think social media person tried to get him to attempt pronunciations of Massachusetts towns in his Aussie accent.
We also monitor your Facebook, too, dummy.
I love the phrase “prospect hugging,” Every player in baseball was a prospect at some point in time. They were all hugged.
Curtain bangs are out. Cloud bangs are in.
That Romo bodycam footage was underwhelming – you’ll all probably pass ten drivers before noon tomorrow drunker than he was.
How can you not love a guy who spreads sawdust during the day, and hot takes at night?
Watch the Backlund cage match vs Snuka from MSG….listen to that crowd.
Red Line Update: Delays of about 20 minutes due to a switch problem at JFK/UMass. Trains may stand by at stations.
Honk if you remember “Captain” Lou Albano.
Fun fact: I’ve never had an Uncrustable. Not opposed, just hasn’t happened.
Will Mead be back before Roman?
Wilt Chamberlain played one season for the Harlem Globetrotters.
Belichick chooses friends like an aspy automaton.
Obviously not the main point of the news this week but Tony Romo pretty lucky at 46 to have his grandparents still alive.
No, I think we should debate Jordan and LeBron again.
Down undah, a limp wrist is an advantage kehd.
Ryan Whitney someday donating his brain to BU for study will have a nice symmetry to it.
Best bet for the weekend: loud and pointless ‘WR1’ arguments.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Matt Vautour, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx.























