World Cup Primer – Part 4

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As a public service, over the next few days this site will be providing some information about the nations and teams competing in this year’s FIFA World Cup. We hope you find it diverting and droll.

Group I

France

France’s national football team, known as Les Bleus, is one of the most successful football teams globally, having won 2 FIFA World Cups, two UEFA European Championships, and multiple other prestigious international titles. Its symbol is a Gallic rooster smoking a Gauloise. The team is training at Bentley College, and twice a day flights of escargots are being flown into Logan and Hanscom.

HC: Didier Deschamps

Captain: Kylian Mbappé

Nickname: Les Bleus (The Blues)

Team Motto: Les cimetières sont pleins d’hommes indispensables. (The cemeteries are full of indispensable men.)

Fun Fact: All their set-piece plays are named after cheese.

Senegal

The Senegal national football team is one of Africa’s most prominent teams, with notable achievements including a World Cup quarter-final in 2002 and their first Africa Cup of Nations title in 2021.

HC: Pape Thiaw

Captain: Kalidou Koulibaly

Nickname: Lions de la Téranga (Lions of Teranga)

Guilty pleasure: steamed broccoli

Iraq

Known for a resilient and technical disciplined playing style, the Iraq national football team has frequently been viewed as a symbol of national unity within Iraqi society. During periods of war, sanctions and political instability, matches involving the national team often carried social and cultural significance beyond sport itself. Iraq’s victory at the 2007 AFC Asian Cup is widely regarded as one of the most significant moments in the country’s sporting history.

HC: Graham Arnold

Captain: Jalal Hassan

Nickames: Usood al-Rafidayn (Lions of Mesopotamia)

Team Motto: “We are very happy Uday remains dead.”

Norway

Norway’s National Team, Proud historical legacy, modern squad of elite talents, high profile players, tactical guidance, and things of that nature.

HC: Ståle Solbakken

Captain: Martin Ødegaard

Scoring Threat: Erling Haaland

Nicknames: Gresshingstene (Grass Stallions) Røde, Hvite, Blå (Red, White and Blue) Landslaget (National Team) Drillos (?)

Strange letters: Ja

Team motto: “There is only one way, the Norway.”

Adorable Mascot: Pøkey, the Norway Narwhal

Group J

Argentina

The defending World Cup Champions. They know what from soccer.

HC: Lionel Scaloni

Captain: Lionel Messi

Nicknames: La Selección (The Selection) La Albiceleste (The White and Sky Blue) Los Gauchos Gigantes (The Giant Cowboys)

Fun Fact: Tries unsuccessfully every World Cup to turn any match against a British Isles squad into a ‘Winner Keeps the Falkland Islands’ competition.

Algeria

Algeria continues to be a formidable force in African and international football, blending experienced leaders like Riyad Mahrez with emerging talents to maintain competitive performances on the world stage. They are traditionally known for their attacking flair, balanced midfield, and quick wingers.

HC: Vladimir Petkovic

Captain: Rihad Mahrez

Nicknames: The Greens, The Fennecs (Desert Foxes), The Desert Warriors

Fun Fact. Algeria is the largest country in Africa. Go check. We will wait.

Austria

Austria approaches the 2026 World Cup with a combination of historical pride, tactical innovation, and the ambition to reestablish itself as a competitive force on the global stage. Recent friendly wins against Ghana, South Korea, and Tunisia demonstrate form and squad cohesion.

HC: Ralf Rangnick

Captain: David Alaba

Nickname(s): Das Team (The Team) Burschen (The Boys) Unsere Burschen (Our Boys)

Controversial Opinion: Thinks Rolf did nothing wrong in “The Sound of Music.”

Jordan

The Jordan national football team has steadily emerged as a competitive force in Middle Eastern and Asian football, combining historic milestones with recent international success, including their landmark qualification for the FIFA World Cup. But yes, they are just happy to be here. Their WC base camp will be the University of Partland, the one in Oregon.

HC: Jemal Sellami

Captain: Ihsan Haddad

Nicknames: Al-Nashama (The Chivalrous Ones)

Team rallying cry: Sayidati (M’lady!)

World Cup Primer – Part 3

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As a public service, over the next few days this site will be providing some information about the nations and teams competing in this year’s FIFA World Cup. We hope you find it educational and enjoyable.

Group G

Belgium

Belgium enter the 2026 World Cup ranked among the world’s top 10, blending aging stars like Kevin De Bruyne and Romelu Lukaku with a rising new generation led by Jeremy Doku and Charles De Ketelaere. Their squad is deep in midfield and attack but carries real defensive and fitness concerns, making them a dangerous but unpredictable contender.

HC: Rudi Garcia

Captain: Yuri Tielemans

Team Nickname(s): The Red Devils, Chocolate Thunder, The Walloonatics

Egypt

Egypt is Africa’s oldest national football team and has won the Africa Cup of Nations a record seven times, The team has made three appearances in the World Cup and was the first-ever African and Middle Eastern team to make such an appearance. Egypt is aiming to secure their first-ever win at the tournament. The team is known for being robust defensively and relies on the attacking brilliance of Mohamed Salah and Omar Marmoush.

Player-Coach: Hossam Hassam

Captain: Mohamad Salah

Team Nickname: The Pharaohs, Sam Al-Sham

Guilty Pleasure: lean boneless chicken breasts grilled until they are as dry as the Sahara.

Iran

Iran enters the 2026 World Cup with one of its most experienced squads ever, led by coach Amir Ghalenoei and star striker Mehdi Taremi, aiming to finally reach the knockout stage for the first time.

HC: Amir Ghalenoei

Captain: Ehsan Hajsafi

Team Nickname: Team Melli (National Team)

Fun Fact: According to the Iranian Faytuks Network, under the peace deal, every goal scored by Iran will count as two, and they can have as many substitutions as the want.

New Zealand

New Zealand enters the 2026 FIFA World Cup as Oceania’s lone representative, (provided you don’t count their big neighbor across the Tasman Sea to the west) led by veteran striker Chris Wood and a balanced, experienced 26‑man squad. They face a challenging Group G but arrive with improved overseas depth, a clear tactical identity, and strong leadership.

HC: Darren Bazeley

Captain: Chris Wood

Team Nickname: The All Whites

Oceana at war with Eurasia: Nah

Group H

Spain

Spain is one of eight national teams to have been crowned world champions and has participated in a total of 16 out of 22 FIFA World Cups. They won the 2010 tournament and have qualified consistently since 1978. Spain enters the 2026 World Cup as one of the tournament’s strongest contenders, powered by a young, elite core led by Rodri, Pedri, and rising star Lamine Yamal. Their squad is deep, tactically flexible, and coming off major successes at EURO 2024 and the Olympics. Notably, for the first time, no Real Madrid players are included in the squadron.

HC: Luis de la Fuente

Captain: Rodri

Team Nickname: La Roja (The Red One)

Other single-named players: Gavi, Nuni, Gummo, Nuni II.

Cabo Verde (AKA Cape Verde)

On October 13 2025, Cape Verde qualified for the World Cup for the first time after a 3–0 home win against Eswatini, Doing so, Cape Verde became the second-smallest nation ever to reach the World Cup after Iceland did it in 2018.

HC: Bubista

Captain: Ryan Mendes

Team Nickname(s): Tubarões Azuis (Blue Sharks) Crioulos (Creoles) Os surfistas carecas grelhados (the bald, grilled surfers)

Saudi Arabia

Considered one of Asia’s most successful national teams, Saudi Arabia have won the AFC Asian Cup three times (1984, 1988 and 1996), reached a joint record six Asian Cup finals and have qualified for the FIFA World Cup on seven occasions since debuting at the 1994 tournament.

HC: Giorgios Donis

Captain: Salem Al-Dawsari

Reliable Forward: Pastaah Al-Dente

Team Nickname(s):al-‘Akhḍar, (The Green One) as-Suqūr Al-‘Arabiyyah, (Arabian Falcons) as-Suqūr al-Khoḍur, (The Green Falcons), al-Suqur allati lam tata’allam al-hubut (The Falcons that never Learned to Land)

Uraguay

Uraguay is considered one of the most successful national teams in international competitions and by FIFA as “football’s first global powerhouse.” The roster features 12 midfielders and only three forwards, prioritizing pressing, width, and vertical transitions over a traditional strike partnership.

HC: Marcelo Bielsa

Captain: José María Giménez

Team Nickname(s): La Celeste (The Sky Blue) Los Charrúas (The Chalupas)

World Cup titles: 1930 (hosts), 1950 (“Maracanazo”)

Favorite 1970’s one-hit wonder: Sniff ‘n’ the Tears, “Driver’s Seat”

World Cup Primer – Part 2

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As a public service, over the next few days this site will be providing some information about the nations and teams competing in this year’s FIFA World Cup. We hope you find it edifying and enjoyable.

Group D

United States of America

The U.S. Men’s National Team (USMNT) is one of CONCACAF’s strongest programs, currently ranked inside FIFA’s top 20 and preparing for the 2026 World Cup on home soil. The team features a young, Europe‑based core led by Christian Pulisic, Weston McKennie, and Gio Reyna. In the first round of the very first World Cup in 1930 the United States beat Paraguay 3-0, or as real soccer fans would say “3-nil”. Tim Ream was a late second-half substitute in that victory.

HC: Mauricio Pochettino

Captain: Tim Ream

Team Nickname: USMNT (really?) The Stars and Stripes (never heard that one) The Yanks (yank the other one if you like any of these)

The Pochettino Alfredo at Mauricio’s: exquisite, with hints of thyme and tarragon.

Paraguay

After missing the 2014, 2018, and 2022 World Cups, Paraguay secured qualification for the 2026 tournament, ending a 16‑year absence, Coach Gustavo revitalized the team, losing only once in 12 qualifiers and instilling a high‑intensity, resilient style.

HC: Gustavo Alfano

Captain: Gustavo Gomez

Team Nickname: Los Guaranies (The Guaranies) [this is less than helpful]

Base Camp: San Jose State University, San Jose, California.

FUN FACT: Everyone on the Paraguay national football team is named ‘Gustavo’.

2010 WC Viral Fan Larissa Riquelme: Y

Australia

Australia’s teams wear yellow (officially called “gold”) and green because they are the country’s official national colors. Inspired directly by the native Golden Wattle plant, gold represents Australia’s mineral wealth, beaches, and harvests, while green symbolizes the eucalyptus forests and pastures. Soccer is the least popular sport in Australia ranking 9th, just behind crocodile wrestling and shark jumping.

Manager: Tony Popovic (the Spurs should call this guy)

Captain: Matthew Ryan

Team Nicknames: The Socceroos, The Wallabeebingbongs, The Barrier Reefers, Chet

Türkiye

The country formerly known as Turkey defeated Romania 1-0 in the final match of FIFA World Cup 2026 European qualifiers play-off round and proceeded to the World Cup for the 4th time in their history after a long wait of 24 years.

WARNING: Watching too much Türkiye may cause drowsiness.  Use care when operating a car or heavy machinery.

HC: Vincenzo Montella

Captain: Hakan Çalhanoğlu

Star Midfielder: Ediund Al-Mahn

Team Nickname: Ay-Yıldızlılar (The Gobblers) Bizim Çocuklar (Our Boys)

Team Motto: “Once we were footstools, then stupid ground birds, now we are Türkiye.”

Group E

Germany

Germany is one of the most successful teams in FIFA World Cup history, winning four titles (one more than their number of Reichs) and reaching the podium 12 times, more than any other nation. Under Nagelsmann, Germany has become more defensively solid while maintaining quick transitional play. It’s never a bad idea to keep an eye on the Germans.

HC: Julian Nagelsmann

Captain: Joshua Kimmich

Team Nickname: DFB Team (DFB Team) Die Nationalelf (The National Eleven) DFB-Elf (DFB Eleven) Literal Germans (Literal Germans) Die Mannschaft (The Team)

Hasseling the Hoff: Nein

Curaçao 

Curaçao qualified for the 2026 FIFA World Cup by finishing first in Group B of the CONCACAF Third Round, becoming: The smallest nation by population and area ever to qualify, and the first non‑sovereign American nation to reach a World Cup. I love that for them.

HC: Dick Advocaat (Qualifying) Fred Rutten (current)

Captain: Mark Cedilla

Team Nickname: Pantera Negra (The Blue Wave)

Purveyors of Barbacide-colored liqueur: Yes

Tanzanite jewelry: Also Yes

Ivory Coast (AKA Côte d’Ivoire)

Côte d’Ivoire is considered one of Africa’s elite teams, consistently producing top-tier talent. The team returned to the World Cup this year after a 12‑year absence, qualifying unbeaten.

Manager: Emerse Faé’

Captain: Franck Kessié

Kit colors: All Orange

Team Nickname: Les Éléphants (No translation available)

Favorite Paul McCartney/Stevie Wonder duet: “What’s That You’re Doing?”

Ecuador

Ecuador is a rising South American contender known for strong defensive structure, dynamic midfielders like Moisés Caicedo, and a growing generation of young talent. They enter the 2026 World Cup ranked 23rd in the world and aiming to reach the knockout stage for the first time since 2006.

HC: Sebastián Andrés Beccacece

Captain: Enner Valencia

Dynamic Midfielder: Moisés Caicedo

Team Nickname: La Tri (The Tri) La Tricolor (The Tricolours) La Selección (The Selection)

Favorite American Sitcom with a Schlub Husband and an Out of His League Attractive Wife: “Life According to Jim”

Group F

Netherlands

The Netherlands enter the 2026 World Cup as a defensively strong, possession‑driven side with a deep Premier League‑influenced squad and high expectations after an unbeaten qualifying run.

HC: Ronald Koeman

Captain: Virgil van Dijk

Team Nickname: Oranje, Clockwork Orange, Dutch Uncles, Dutch Courage, The Flying Dutchmen

Base Formation: 4‑3‑3 shifting into 4‑2‑3‑1 in possession.

Comical Dutch Boy haircuts: No

Japan

Japan enters the 2026 World Cup as one of the most in‑form and experienced teams in Asia, boasting a deep Europe‑based squad, strong qualifying results, and a clear ambition to finally break past the Round of 16. Their 2026 roster blends veteran leadership, peak‑age stars, and rising talents, despite missing injured winger Kaoru Mitoma.

HC: Hajime Moriyasu

Captain: Ko Itakura

Team Nickname(s): Samurai Blue, Great Space Dragon

Sumo Wrestler as netminder: No

Sweden

Sweden are back in the FIFA World Cup after a dramatic playoff run, making their 13th appearance and returning to the finals for the first time since 2018. They qualified via the UEFA European play-offs, defeating Ukraine 1-3 in the semi-finals and Poland 3-2 in the final.

HC: Graham Potter

Captain: Victor Lindelöf

Team Nickname: Blågult (The Blue and Yellow)

Style: Organized, technically sound, strong in set pieces, with emphasis on attacking transitions and defensive solidity.

Base Camp: Frisco, Texas

Viking themed team photo: Yes

Tunisia

Tunisia enter the 2026 World Cup with a refreshed squad, a new coach, and a defensively elite qualifying record that has raised expectations for a historic first knockout‑stage appearance. Their Group F—Sweden, Japan, Netherlands—is difficult, but Tunisia’s mix of experienced midfield anchors and emerging young talent gives them a clearer identity than in past tournaments.

HC: Sabri Lamouchi

Captain: Ellyes Skhiri

Team Nickname: The Eagles of Carthage, The Punic Warriors, The Dune Seers

Favorite Kardashian sister: Khloe

06/10/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Like *that* will keep Snake Plissken out.

The MIAA is a terrorist organization, but I would have to imagine there aren’t many less sympathetic demographics than ‘freshly graduated Ipswich lax bros’.

Broads can’t visit Texas without appropriating the fashion. It’s fascinating.

I wish I cared about anything as much as Darren Rovell cares about the cost of NBA Finals tickets.

It might not be the Red Sox’s year.

Seems undignified to be a preeminent historian and then die in a Shaw’s Supermarket parking lot in East Providence.

Imagine being the guy that has to write the super serious PWHL tampering article.

Just admit it greenteamers, you’re jealous of how good the Knicks are in close games and Brunson’s ability to deliver in the clutch. I am.

If I’m Wembanyama, I’m making one call, with one question. The call is to Kareem Abdul Jabbar. The question is “can you teach me the sky hook?” It would be impossible to block.

There’s no way Cecil Fielder’s home run that he hit out of Tiger Stadium was less than 500 feet.

Feels warm out but that’s just what they want me to think.

Cakes are cooking for Jurgen Prochnow, Ken Singleton, Terry Luttrell, Dan Fouts, Rich Hall, Andrew Stevens, Timothy Van Patten, Kelley Deal, Kim Deal, Maxi Priest, Brent Sutter, Gina Gershon, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Gary Wallis, Jimmy Chamberlin, Elizabeth Hurley, Doug McKeon, Bill Burr, Jimmy Shea, Kate Snow, Jo-Jo Hailey, Pokey Reese, Freddy García, Nergal, Tara Lipinski, Anna Nordqvist, Kelly Vitz, and Jeff Teague.

I had a wild adventure in my dream last night. I was a part of a group of strangers trying to survive both an alien attack and a deep government conspiracy. Many of the people I was with died right in front of me. They weren’t real but I grieve for them just the same.

Hard to believe someone who’s Twitter handle is ‘DoubleVodkaDon’ needed a trip to rehab.

People clearly miss the experience of phone booths, even those who have no firsthand experience using them. What else explains having lengthy phone conversations while in a rest room stall?

Anunoby looks like a young Viola Davis.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The broadcasters don’t get the box?”

Foxboro Line Train 1747 (2:28 PM from South Station) is operating 5-10 minutes behind schedule between Islington and Foxboro.

Happy Junetenth, to all who celebrate.

I’m not sure who is going to win the Stanley Cup now!

President Nixon’s apology would’ve hit a lot harder if only he had rocked the backwards snapback.

Non-serrated steak knives. Makes no sense.

Next thing ya know, that guy in the Shaw’s pahking lawt is gonna run ovah Vickahs!

You have to pay $13 after tax for a Big Mac Meal to get one but the McDonalds World Cup collectors cups are sturdy and the art is nice.

From the “inside media” department: Including the Patriots’ robust social-media team, there were more than 70 credentials issued to cover Tuesday’s first day of mandatory minicamp.

Spitting in a wishing well
Blown to hell
Crash
On the last splash-

I know you, little libertine
I know you’re a real koo koo

(Hey now)

Want you
Koo koo
Cannonball
Want you
Koo koo
Cannonball.

I don’t get those watch parties. Oh you want all the inconveniences of attending the game without actually attending? Come on down!

Barstool employees take more time away than women in sports.

The reason they call Madison Square Garden the worlds most famous arena because that’s where Laurence Harvey shot Angela Lansbury.

Any foreign tourists here for the World Cup on the socials talking up Market Basket?

Honk if you remember New Coke.

Hearing whispers Giannis Antetokounmpo’s preferred landing spot is Miami, but he remains open to joining Boston.

I met Eric Fisher at the Franklin Park Zoo.

The ‘J’ is silent in ‘Jacas?’ Where’s the fun in that?

It’s also probably not a good sign when you have to prefix your women’s league with “professional” so that everyone knows it’s real.

How can you win the Triple Crown if you don’t run the second race? Sad.

RA has to live for another eight years before what’s being done to him can be elder abuse? Bad odds on that, kid.

Can somebody please get @RochieWBC his account back?

Best bet for the weekend: USMNT, winning, or perhaps eking out a draw.

Are you ready? It’s okay if you aren’t.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. In the shade, in the shade.

And happy birthday to American artist and retired actress Leelee Sobieski.

World Cup Primer – Part 1

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As you may be aware, the United States, along with two other countries in North America will be hosting the 23rd edition of the FIFA* World Cup. You know, soccer? It will be jointly hosted by sixteen cities – eleven in the United States, three in Mexico, and two in Canada. There will be 48 national teams competing, up from the previous total of 32 teams. (This is probably what made the NCAA decide to stuff more teams into next year’s March Madness Tournament.)

(* FIFA Motto- ‘You must first pay us before we tell you what FIFA stands for.‘)

As a public service, over the next few days this site will be providing some information about the nations and teams competing. We hope you find it edifying and enjoyable.

Group A

Mexico

Unlike the 2026 Red Sox, Mexico has played well at home when hosting the World Cup, which they have done twice before. Veteran goalkeeper Guillermo Ochoa is set to feature at a sixth edition of the global finals while 17-year-old starlet Gilberto Mora is heading to his first as the youngest player from his nation to ever feature at a World Cup.

HC: Javier Aguirre

El Capitan: Edson Álvarez

Team Nickname: El Tri (The Tree)

Home Stadium: Estadio Azteca

South Africa

The final 26‑man squad is built almost entirely on domestic talent, with 19 players based in South Africa and strong representation from Mamelodi Sundowns and Orlando Pirates.

Manager: Hugo Henry Broos

Team Nickname: Bafana Bafana

Team Spirit Yell: DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY!!

Vuvuzelas: Yes

Republic of Korea (aka South Korea)

South Korea has emerged as a major soccer power in Asia since the 1980s, having participated in eleven consecutive and twelve overall FIFA World Cup tournaments, the most for any Asian country. Despite initially going through five World Cup tournaments without winning a match, South Korea became the first (and so far only) Asian team to reach the semi-finals when they co-hosted the 2002 Tournament with Japan.

HC: Hong Byung-bo

Team Nickname: Tigers of Asia, Taegeuk Warriors

Captain: Son Heung-min

Top Scorer: Cha Bum-kun

Favorite American Television Program: ‘Franklin and Bash’

Czechia

Czechia’s return to the FIFA World Cup after a 20-year gap is both historic and challenging. The team, captained by Ladislav Krejčí, enters their 10th World Cup as an independent nation. The country registered ‘Czechia’ as its official short geographic name with the United Nations in 2016, which is a bit like having a divorced friend you’ve known for years insist you now call them by their new ‘cool’ nickname, but whatever makes them happy, right?

World Cup Base Camp: Mansfield, TX

Team Nickname: Skákající Češi (The Bouncing Czechs)

HC: Miroslav Koubek

Best finish: Runners-up in 1934 and 1962

‘The O.C.’ character equivalent: Summer Roberts

Group B

Canada

Canada, a first-time host nation will be hosting matches in Toronto and Vancouver. Soccer is the largest participatory sport in Canada and is considered the fastest growing sport in the country. (Hmm, sounds familiar…)

HC: Jesse Marsch

Captain: Alphonso Davies

Team Nicknames: Les Rouges, The Reds, The Maple Leaf Team, The Canucks, The Canuck Red Maple Leaf Raptors

FIFA World Cup equal to Stanley Cup: No

Bosnia and Herzegovina

B&H appeared for the first time in a FIFA WC at Brazil in 2014, which remains the only time the team participated at a major international tournament to date since they have yet to qualify for the Euros. While Serbia is recognized by FIFA as the official successor of Yugoslavia, Bosnian players have played a role in World Cup history before their countries’ independence in 1992.

HC: Sergej Barbarez

Captain: Edin Dzeko

Team Motto: Nisi tako hrabar kad nas je dvoje, jel’ tako? (Not so tough when there’s two of us, are you?)

Dream World Cup Matchup: Trinidad and Tobago

Qatar

After a less than stellar showing as the host of the 2022 World Cup, Qatar qualified for this year’s tournament by beating the United Arab Emirates 2-1.

HC: Julian Lopetegui

Captain: Hassan Al-Haydos

Possible pronunciations: Cutter, Ku-tarr, Cuter, Quieter, Quasar, Quarter, Guitar, Git’r Dun.

Switzerland

Switzerland has a proud World Cup history characterized by early quarter-final glory, recent consistent round-of-16 appearances, and a blend of experienced leaders and emerging talent poised for the 2026 tournament. It plays an offense that is appropriately thrifty, precise, and trilingual, while it’s defense is like their banking regulations.

HC: Murat Yakin

Captain: Granit Xhaka

Team Nicknames: A-Team Nati, Rossocrociati, Devils rouges, Leatherman Multi-tools

Robinsons on the squad: No.

Group C

Brazil (aka Brasil)

Brazil comes to this edition of the Tournament with a storied history of championships won (5) and players that go by only one name. In 114 World Cup matches played, the team has 76 wins, 19 losses, 247 points and a 129-goal difference. It is the only national team to have played in all World Cup editions without any absence nor need for playoffs The team will be staying in Basking Ridge, New Jersey.

HC: Carlo Ancelotti

Captain: Marquinhos

Other players with one name: Yes

Nicknames: Canarinho (Little Canary) O país muito bom em futebol (The very good at soccer country)

You know you’re good at soccer when you only have one name.  Half of the Brazilian National Team only have one name.  Science!

Morocco

Morocco is regarded as one of Africa’s most successful national football teams. They have won five continental titles, including the 1976 and 2025 editions of the African Cup of Nations. They won the African Nations Championship in 2018, 2020 and 2024. Morocco has qualified for the FIFA World Cup on seven occasions. In 1986, they made history as the first African team to win a World Cup group and advance to the knockout stage. At the 2022 World Cup, Morocco became the first African and first Arab team to reach a World Cup semi-final. They were also the third World Cup semi-finalist from outside Europe or South America. In 2025, Morocco set a world record for the longest winning streak in international football, achieving 19 consecutive victories across all competitions. Morocco combines experience, tactical discipline, and a confident squad to enter the 2026 World Cup as a team capable of challenging for a deep run, building on their historic achievements and growing reputation on the global stage.

Manager: Mohamhed Ouahbi

Captain: Achraf Hakimi

Team Nickname: Atlas Lions, The Usual Suspects, سُودُ الأَطلَس (The Morocco Moles)

Letters of Transit: MacGuffin

Haiti

Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it, they were under the heel of the French and they got together and swore a pact to the devil.  They said, we will serve you, if you get us free from the French, true story. And so the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.’ And they kicked the French out, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free, and ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other, yet somehow qualified for the World Cup. Slotted in Pot 4, Haiti will face tough competition against some of the world’s top-ranked teams. It was easier for Haiti to qualify for the World Cup this year because the giants in the Concacaf, Canada, Mexico and the United States did not take part in the qualifiers since they will host the competition.

Team Nickname: Les Beelzebubs (The Beelzebubs) Les Grenadiers (The pomegranate Juice)

Captain: Johny Placide

HC: Sebastien Migné

Has the HC ever been to Haiti: No

Local Angle: Haitian player Frantzdy Pierrot was born in Haiti and grew up in Melrose, as he developed into a top-level forward.

Scotland

Scotland are the joint oldest national football team in the world, alongside England, whom they played in the world’s first international football match in 1872. Hampden Park in Glasgow is the traditional home of the Scotland team. The attendance record of 149,415 was set by the Scotland v England match in 1937. Safety regulations reduced the capacity to 81,000 by 1977 and the stadium was completely redeveloped during the 1990s, giving the present capacity of 52,000. How do you say shrinkflation in Scottish? An eight-time previous World Cup qualifier, Scotland hopes the ninth time is the charm as far as advancing out of the first round goes. They will be based in Charlotte, North Carolina for the Tournament, a state settled in part by a great many Scots-Irish.

HC: Steve Clarke

Captain: Andy Robertson

Supporters Nicknames: The Tartan Army, The Well-Refreshed Hordes

The Bonnie Banks o’ Loch Lamond: Aye

To be continued-

Guest Patriots Column – Musical Chairs in the WR Room?

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Actual wide receiver room may appear differently.

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

The dust has settled, the new car has been driven off the lot and onto the road. Now it’s time to get a clear idea of what the Patriots have and what they’ll need to do to sustain it. A.J. Brown, for all the faults I’ve previously attributed to him, remains a very explosive talent with a year or two of above-average production left in the tank. While it’s unlikely he’ll rack up 1,500 yards and touchdowns in the high teens again, you have to be optimistic that offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels will find ways to utilize him that go beyond the stat sheet.

The 2025 Patriots receivers were a plucky, pugnacious group that punched above their weight class. Rather than relying on a single player to carry the load, they spread the wealth. Stefon Diggs was a focal point of the interior passing game, logging 52% of his total snaps in the slot. Mack Hollins was heavily featured as a “power slot”—a physically imposing receiver who lines up inside rather than outside. Unlike traditional slot receivers, power slots use their size, strength, and blocking ability to exploit smaller nickel cornerbacks.
It was a classic “Do Your Job” team that spread the ball around and played a balanced, flexible style that minimized weaknesses. While the 2026 Patriots are far from perfect, there is reason to view them as superior to the squad that just made the Super Bowl.

Brown made no secret of his dissatisfaction with his role in Philadelphia. While how he expressed that dissatisfaction remains a bone of contention for me, the underlying reasons appear understandable. The Eagles ran a rigid, perimeter-based approach that kept Brown on the outside. He ran a career-low 12.4% of his routes from the slot and was targeted on dig or crosser routes just 22 times. He was locked into a vertical wideout role—something he can do—but it led to stagnation for both him and those around him, as the Eagles couldn’t find the offensive groove they needed.

For McDaniels, it’s fair to assume he doesn’t see Brown as a Randy Moss redux. More likely, he views him as a Rob Gronkowski redux: a physically imposing, gritty “big slot” who will work primarily from the inside. When that isn’t in the game plan, they can utilize Brown in what they called “Spear Routes” last year—two deep posts designed to clear out the safeties so the backside receiver can cut underneath on a deep dig.

Pro Football Focus data highlights Brown’s value in the slot. His grades dating back to 2022 remain strong, and any recent downtick can be attributed more to how Philadelphia ran its offense than to Brown’s own decline.

Among wide receivers, Brown’s slot performance since 2022:

2022: 12-20 | 180 yds, 4 TD | 88.9 grade (t-11th)

2023: 15-20 | 225 yds, 1 TD | 91.6 grade (6th)

2024: 5-10 | 82 yds, 3 TD | 91.8 grade (t-4th)

2025: 11-19 | 154 yds, 1 TD | 85.8 grade (10th) (Stats courtesy of @ThrowbackPATS. https://x.com/throwbackpats/status/2062244366090215923?s=46&t=pAGJU4_47xmQiQLpkIQLyQ)

Of course, adding Brown opens the door to potential locker room discontent—most notably from third-year wideout Kayshon Boutte. He is one year away from unrestricted free agency and just watched his role shrink with the arrivals of both Brown and Romeo Doubs.

Boutte.

I can understand Boutte’s frustration. He was a good soldier playing for a knucklehead like Mac Jones in his rookie year. He was the only player who improved during the debacle that was the 2024 season. In 2025, he remained unheralded but developed into a reliable, explosive deep-ball threat who saved Drake Maye on multiple occasions. If older Patriots fans are reading this (first off, thank you), I hope it isn’t sacrilege to compare Boutte to Stanley Morgan—the original yards-after-catch merchant. Boutte’s 16.7 yards per reception ranked 5th in the NFL, and he caught over 71% of his targets.

Boutte has made it clear he wants a new destination where he can feel secure in his role and protect his path to generational wealth. You’re that close, and playing the good soldier only gets you so far in this league. This is where Mike Vrabel, Eliot Wolf, and Ryan Cowden need to set modern sensibilities aside and smooth things over. They should be willing to endure a few uncomfortable days—Boutte skipping practice, fines being handed out—and work toward a resolution. Trading a 24-year-old wideout who has come up big for you in key games is rarely a recipe for long-term success.

You could argue the Patriots are so deep at receiver that they can let Boutte walk for a meaningless fifth-round pick and not miss a beat. But that underestimates the savage nature of pro football. Injuries happen. Brown has a well-documented history of knee issues and has landed on the injury report multiple times. If Brown or Doubs misses time, Boutte can step in and pick up the slack in ways that less-developed players like Kyle Williams and Efton Chism simply can’t. The Patriots currently enjoy rare depth at a premium position. You can’t put a price on that

If the situation reaches Lawyer Milloy or Randy Moss levels of dysfunction, letting Boutte go becomes understandable—but it would still sting, given how much younger he is than either of those players when their time in Foxboro ended.
There’s also a beautiful irony here: Brown and Boutte complement each other perfectly. Brown will command constant safety help and double teams, creating space for Boutte to get open in one-on-one matchups. New England would win those battles all day. When Brown mauls defenders across the middle, it opens the door for Boutte to thrive as a deep threat. A Brown/Boutte partnership would also help solidify the run game and create higher-percentage throws for Hunter Henry and DeMario Douglas.

You can downplay Boutte’s desire to leave by saying Doubs will replace his value. While Doubs is excellent, it doesn’t change the reality that injuries are common and the trade return for Boutte would likely be underwhelming.
Right now, if my choices are a late-round pick (fifth or sixth) or letting him walk after this season—assuming he remains professional when it matters—I’m leaning toward keeping him. With this group, the Patriots are in far too advantageous a position to do otherwise.

Vinny Jace is a special contributor to The15net.com. He does not live in Jonathan City.

06/03/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Arthur. Juan. Brown.

Dianna Russini died for this trade.

Lately I’ve really been enjoying when something horrific happens during a Red Sox game to switch over to Sirius and rewinding to hear the reaction of smiley Flemming.

If the Spurs win this TITAL expect to see that Kornet block replayed forever.

Did everyone remember to wish a Happy Pride Month to the fake bisexual sports media gals?

Roman Anthony was built using parts made by Fiat.

I’m just happy one of the teams sponsored by a middle eastern airline won the big footie match.

Lou Damn Merloni never shuts up about using challenges.

Tired: ‘5th round picks are worthless, YOU overvalue them’ Wired: ‘how can you throw in a 5th rounder? Desperate!’

Ok if it’s a meteor where the hell did it land?

Cakes are cooking for Jim Gentile, Ian Hunter, Billy Cunningham, Hale Irwin, John Dykstra, Suzi Quattro, Deniece Williams, Dan Hill, Ibrahim Hussain, Scott Valentine, Steve Lyons, Dorothee “Doro” Pesch, Kerry King, Nelson Liriano, Mike Gordon, Anderson Cooper, Samantha Sprackling, Carl Everett, John Hodgman, José Molina, Az-Zahir Hakim, Cris, Travis Hafner, Al Horford, Rafael Nadal, Lalaine, and beabadoobee.

I’d assume this isn’t supposed to be my takeaway but isn’t it odd how when confronted with his own mortality Chris Gasper puts down the thesaurus and writes like normal person? Anyhoo, don’t die from cancer, man.

Hulking black teenager who’s really into Dragon Ball Z is one of the foundational American archetypes.

Bob Cousy calls A.J. Brown, ‘Arthur.’ Probably.

In other Red Sox rehab news, Garrett Crochet “can now spend several minutes in the same room as a baseball without crying.”

All the experts said the Thunder was a dynasty after winning 1 championship last year.

The Onwenu restructure is roughly the 37th story in a row that was not broken by the local Patriots beat writers. But we’re absolutely supposed to take them and everything they say seriously though.

After that Game 7 performance, Chet Holmgren should probably drop the blaccent.

I liken the way Eagles fans consume professional sports to the way young girls play with dolls.

I met Dee Brown once after he won the dunk contest. I panicked and gave him a rhinestone Chicago Bulls hat to autograph. (It was 1993 and that was the style at the time)

Hey gang of bakers and bakerinas, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Remove me from the future.”

People who think it’s actually supposed to be consistently hot here in New England during the month of May are lunatics.

Did the announcer just say Balogun is good with his feet? I hope so, he’s playing soccer.

I don’t care what FIFA wants, I’m still calling the place up in Foxboro where the World Cup matches are gonna be played Schaefer Stadium.

Television man is crazy,
Saying we’re juvenile deliquent wrecks-
Oh, man, I need TV when I got T-Rex,
Oh, brother, you’ve guessed, I’m a dude, dad!

If you’re thinking about killing yourself because Claude Lemieux died, please do it. (Necessary Legal Disclaimer goes here)

Did the Browns trade Myles Garrett to further disenfranchise Shadeur? IJATQ

Bret Michaels doesn’t want the gig?

Green Line C & D Branch Update: Normal service has resumed on the D Branch between Riverside & Brookline Hills. Shuttle buses continue to replace service on the C Branch between Cleveland Circle & Coolidge Corner.

Goodwill famously only sells brand new clothes.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

Can I PLEASE get a break from Jelly Roll?

“Tony Farmer is an important man.” – Senator Arlen Specter, if he were still on this side of the grass.

She’d like to model, or maybe act, or start a magazine
Before she signs any big contracts, she better learn to read
But in her dreams she’s the queen of the fashion regime

You ask me do I love you, does the Pope live in the woods?
Quod Erat Demonstrandum, baby. (“Ooh, you speak french!”)

She’s an AIRHEAD.
Stungun and mace, Kharmann Ghia plates say “Lost in Space”
She’s an AIRHEAD.
Thousands in trust, cusp Aquarius – get serious.
She’s an AIRHEAD.
Tinted contacts don’t change the fact that black is black.
She’s an AIRHEAD.
And while I’m impressed with the size of that chest,
she’s not an intellectual giant…

Migratory grifters pretending they knew who Claude Lemieux or Ray Bourque was before last week? Not cool.

Speaking as someone who is from NYC, chopped cheese has been a fabric of the culture of NYC food BROADLY since the late 90s early 2000s What we NOT gonna do is pull some crazy revisionist history when it comes to chopped cheese.

The Red Sox hate Fenway Park. Which is unfortunate because I love Fenway Park.

Nespresso!

Honk if you remember saxophonist Homer ‘Boots’ Randolph.

First Peabs, now Peabo. You’ll be missed, Mr. Bryson.

I like the narrative immediately swinging to “you hafta get a WR1!” To “YOU overpaid!” It’s almost as if they just need grist for the disingenuous grist mill.

I couldn’t solve today’s SteveRdle.

It would be sooooo epic if Kendra stumbled upon a Namibian village where the inhabitants were wearing Jaguars’ 2017 Super Bowl shirts.

C+C Music Factory questionable for July 4 with an upper body injury.

I’m sure Raymond Berry died contented secure in the knowledge his leading the Patriots to their 1st Super Bowl appearance and a winning overall record as HC is sufficient to earn a place in the Patriots Hall of Fame…eventually.

Happy National Egg Day.

Are these Unobstructed View commercials supposed to be enticing me to watch it?

It’s low-key kinda disrespectful to take Cam Newton’s number.

What’s with these horrible uniforms I’m seeing? “CLE!” “The Lou?” WTF?

Dan Lifshatz must have been betting on D1 tennis.

Well, if Colorado or Montreal can’t compete for the right to hoist Lord Stanley’s Cup, at least the famously hockey-mad burgs of Raleigh, North Carolina and Las Vegas, Nevada qualified to play.

Peter King never claimed Greg Bedard was almost a baseball coach!

Best bet for the weekend: no rainouts at Yankee Stadium.

Fish? Squished.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. All the young dudes.

There’s something different about Lucy, what is it though?
Kicky bangs? No. A new eyeshadow? No, that’s not it, either.
Huh. I’m stumped.

Guest Patriots Column – What Can A.J. Brown Do For NE?

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better start reading Erhardt-Perkins, buddy.

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

It’s difficult in the moment to gauge how you’ll ultimately feel about a transaction like the one the Patriots just made for star wideout Arthur Juan ‘A.J.’ Brown. The new-car smell evaporates quickly and gives way to pessimism. But the truth is we won’t know for sure until the fall whether this is the move that pushes the defending AFC champions over the top.

The Brown/Patriots/Eagles affair was the worst-kept secret in the league for months. You only had to wait until four o’clock on the afternoon of June 1, when Philadelphia was no longer on the hook for the 29-year-old wideout’s massive $43.4 million dead-money cap hit, to consummate the deal.

The Eagles wanted cap relief and assets; the Patriots wanted a big-name weapon to pair with their blue-chip quarterback and solid wide receiver group. Safe to assume both sides got what they wanted. The Eagles get to split Brown’s salary between the 2026 and 2027 seasons while picking up a 2028 first-round pick in the process. The Patriots finally land the big-name weapon that has eluded this team since Randy Moss (or Brandin Cooks, depending on how you look at it).

Philadelphia had clearly lined their ducks up in a row, knowing Brown wasn’t sticking around. They drafted a wide receiver with their first-round pick this year, promoted DeVonta Smith as their WR1, and stayed relatively quiet on trade partners beyond New England. This entire saga lacked significant drama because it had felt inevitable since October of last season, when Brown and quarterback Jalen Hurts had a very public falling out.

The red flags are obvious for the Patriots. Brown is quick to let players, coaches, and the media know when he’s dissatisfied. He stomped his way out of a well-run Eagles organization.

Happy times are here again?

It’s easy to envision him burning bridges with Mike Vrabel, clashing with Josh McDaniels, and forcing Drake Maye to deal with the kind of prima donna behavior that can be cancerous to a young star quarterback.

Historically, you’d rather be the team unloading a vaunted WR1 than acquiring him. Once a big-money wide receiver is over 28, his chances of consistently living up to that contract tend to decline.

Yet the appearance of security a star like Brown provides often leads teams to overlook that reality. Football remains the one major sport where you can realistically build from within and still have the flexibility to pounce on the right opportunity.
You very rarely buy a championship in pro football. What New England is hoping for is that Brown has a seismic enough impact to make the offensive line, linebacker depth, and defensive line concerns irrelevant.

Brown is already showing significant wear and tear after seven seasons of bruising, bully-ball work with the Titans and Eagles. His physical style has taken a toll: double knee surgery after his rookie contract, repeated knee issues, and clear athletic decline (his yards-after-catch average dropped to a career-low 12.9 this past season).

Many are comparing this deal to the Patriots’ past acquisitions of Randy Moss or Brandin Cooks, but the circumstances and player profiles aren’t the same. Moss was older but cost only a fourth-round pick. Cooks was just 24, cost a first- and a third-rounder, and was flipped for two firsts a year later. Brown cost significant draft capital, is five years older than Cooks was at the time, and comes with larger question marks.

Howie Roseman is an excellent general manager. If Eliot Wolf is truly running the show in Foxboro, it’s hard to see him getting outmaneuvered here. The Patriots got their shiny new toy and have officially “won” the offseason. History shows that rarely translates into winning actual games.

Case in point.

Vinny Jace is a special contributor to The15net.com. He was not born and raised in South Philadelphia.

05/28/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Hey Jaylen-

Kevin, Bert Bell coined the term ‘sidepiece’.

Whenever a Montreal fan complains about the referees an angel loses its wings.

Do we really have to call a grown man “Wemby”?

Rich Hill was on one inning, and Lou Merloni had a whole pizza in front of him. Jim Rice is on the next inning and the pizza was gone.

It’s definitely been staying lighter out later this year, no?

Celtics Derrick White is the only Gaurd on the NBA All Defensive First Team.

My favorite part of THE MANDALORIAN AND GROGU was seeing Cape Cod become a part of the galaxy far, far away. Not sure what planet or location it was but the topography definitely appears Cape-inspired.

Paderborn back up in the Bundesliga where they belong.

Every action shot of SGA is just him mugging like Michael Winslow in Police Academy.

A Red Sox-level tapout from the Cavs. Shameful.

Name news: The new Red Sox reliever is Tyron Guerrero, not Tayron Guerrero. There has been a clerical error throughout his career that’s now corrected.

You can tell I’m a huge US soccer fan by how much I hate all the players.

Why do I listen to the SiriusXM Beatles channel Top 100 Beatles songs each Memorial Day weekend when I know am only going to get angry?

Cakes are cooking for Carroll Baker, Hans Dulfer, Terry Crisp, Gladys Knight, Rudolph Giuliani, John Fogerty, John Wells, Roland Gift, Eugene Robinson, Beth Herr, Glen Rice, Kari Wuhrer, Kylie Minogue, Ekaterina Gordeeva, Marco Rubio, Pat Peake, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Alexa Davalos, Jhonny Peralta, Colbie Calliat, and Michael Oher.

Have more guys thrown out at home in one weekend. I would be so mad at the 3rd base coach if I knew who he was.

They really are going to ruin Nate Bargatze for me by making him do movies, aren’t they?

I came this close to buying a new OTAs hat today but then remembered it’s better to wait until they are over so I can get one on sale.

Revs had trouble handling the CLT. I can relate. Wait, what?

I wish the Red Sox would just cut ties with Clemens. Or else just retire his number. It’s like the world’s longest foreplay. Do it or don’t but stop making me watch you dry hump each other.

Poor Sidney just had one of the toughest JEOPARDY! outings these eyes have ever seen. Looked like stage fright + not getting the buzzer thing down.

I have 3 retarded dogs, all various sizes and all mutts. Non of them piss indoors, or are afraid of the rain. Al Kaprielian can suck my dick.

Kyle wants us to race on, man. Enjoy the race, it’s what he wants.

Pretty sure I just saw the newly-crowned D3 national lacrosse champs @TuftsJumbos crushing Chick-Fil-A at Reagan National.

This new Spidey/Nic Cage joint now has my attention.

I can’t watch an OKC/NY finals. I’ll be too tempted to root for the Knicks and that will (a) feel disgusting and (b) be a miserable experience because they’ll get their teeth kicked in.

Hey gang of boring autists, this week’s Phase that Pays is, “Ended up having to order a button online, doesn’t match exactly.”

Coruscant should be a candidate for “Star Wars planet or places Kennedy’s drink?”

Mortal Kombat II was fine, but man, if there’s anyone who was going to bring Johnny Cage to life in live action, they NAILED IT with Karl Urban. God, he was fantastic.

Another well-earned vacation for Kendra.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

I had a couple of check engine lights come on. But they went off after I tightened the gas cap and drove for 20 or so miles. All fix!

Did the batting cages at Kimballs. I think I now require a stint on the DL.

Between GHOST, ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER, and “Hacks”, Tony Goldwyn has played some of the scumbaggiest mofos MF in screen history.

Merloni is as bad as Scal on replays.

My latest great idea: If a hockey team pulls their goalie, the other team should be able to put a 2nd goalie on the ice.

Gorg morning Ging!

Boston Celtics head coach Joe Mazzulla has been named the 2025-26 NBA Coach of the Year, earning the Red Auerbach Trophy.

He got the voices speakin’ riddles
He got the eye as black as coal
He got a suitcase covered with rattlesnake hide
And he stands right in the road.

You got to hidey-hide
You got to jump up run away.
You got to hidey-hidey-hide
The old man is down the road.

Saw Zo at Twin River a week ago. Huge beer gut. 6’5” with sunglassses gave him away. Very good to fans who approached him. Next morning I heard the Awaken180 commercial.

West Ham – Millwall twice next year just like God wanted.

Attn Celtics fans: what the Knicks did in their Game 4 destruction of the Cavs was play classic Tom Heinsohn basketball. That was the greatest fast break clinic since the 70s Celtics, and that includes the 80s “Showtime” Lakers.

Honk if you remember Patrick Roy.

Sal would’ve loved the Spurs parading Coach Pop around like Lou Carnesecca.

Serious NFL business was conducted in the Ground Round!

All time highs are when you’re supposed to invest.

Yes Mut, Red Sox fans chanted ‘sell the team’ because Portnoy popularized the phrase on Barstool merch.

The only thing that’s gay about the UFC is the muscular oiled up dudes in tight shorts rolling around on the ground, rubbing their nutsacks all over each other.

Knicks are in the finals and Shukri is a hyperlocal New Yorker again.

Best bet for the weekend: high temperatures and higher drama at Roland Garros.

no caption required

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I ain’t no fortunate son.

And happy birthday to actress Christa Miller.

TO’s & Threes – Celtics Column 05/22/26

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Science!

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

Last summer, the Celtics were in a dire cap situation, paying over $500 million for a roster without its fulcrum. Brad Stevens spent that offseason offloading Jrue Holiday and Kristaps Porzingis for meager returns. The point wasn’t to receive meaningful player compensation, but salary relief. The Celtics couldn’t even retain Luke Kornet—a player Stevens had called a top priority—despite holding his Bird Rights. The 2025-26 Celtics were in no position to improve and had to rely on in-house talent and bargain-bin additions.

Nearly a year later, the Celtics have significant breathing room between themselves and the first and second aprons. They are below the luxury tax and now possess tools unavailable last offseason: the full mid-level exception, the ability to aggregate salaries to match larger incoming contracts, unfrozen picks they can trade, and a reset repeater tax clock.

This summer, Boston stands at a crossroads: try once more to build around the current core or reshuffle the deck. The argument for minimal changes is that the team already has solid bench depth. They can chalk up their first-round exit to bad luck, hope Jayson Tatum returns stronger in 2026-27 and pray he doesn’t miss another Game 7.
But the reason Tatum missed that game was calf tightness caused by the heavy minutes he was forced to play. The Celtics had to rely on him as their do-it-all forward because players on the roster simply couldn’t replicate what he does. In the past, the Celtics could count on Tatum as an ironman capable of shouldering that burden nightly.

Post-Achilles tear, however, he is more vulnerable. Tatum has achieved a miracle by returning from such a devastating injury so quickly and looking every bit the franchise player. Yet the circumstances around how much the team can put on his plate have changed.
Watching games from the 2024 season, what strikes me most is how diverse the Celtics’ offense was in the playoffs. Opponents could not simply drop in coverage to stifle Boston’s athletic wings, who prefer to score near the rim, because of the game-breaking presence of Al Horford and, for a brief period, Kristaps Porzingis.

The Celtics won’t win another title until they find a big man who can once again make it easier for them to attack close to the basket. Joe Mazzulla has mastered using shooting variance to turn the Celtics into a regular-season machine, but the past two playoffs have shown—in a smaller sample size—that this approach can backfire horribly without offensive diversity.

Even with the available tools, the Celtics face limited high-impact options unless they shop one of Jaylen Brown or Derrick White. Brown is eligible for a two-year extension this October that would likely keep him in Boston for the rest of his prime and make him a Celtic for life if he signs. Brown has been an outstanding player and person for both the team and the Boston community. But this is a cold business. There is a real argument that the Celtics’ downward trend can only be properly addressed if the Jays era ends with his departure—either for a disgruntled superstar (if possible) or a collection of players who better fill out various roster needs.
The best realistic option at center may be bringing back Nikola Vučević, provided the price is right.


His minutes often looked awkward last season; he frequently appeared unsure what to do with his hands, likely due to the finger injury he suffered in March. Still, he serves a purpose, and Mazzulla has managed him effectively by neutralizing his weaknesses and leveraging his strengths. Re-signing Vooch as a backup veteran big on a modest salary would be a quiet win regardless of Boston’s bigger moves. Other options include using the $15 million mid-level exception on Mitchell Robinson to potentially screw over the Knicks. The catch is that this would hard-cap Boston at the first apron, and Robinson has a significant injury history. Boston could end up doing the Knicks a favor.

An uninspiring pool

The free-agent pool for centers is otherwise uninspiring. Upgrading from Luka Garza by chasing Nick Richards is one modest possibility, but that’s about it. Jusuf Nurkić is unlikely to leave Utah, and Robert Williams III will probably command a larger salary than Stevens wants to pay an oft-injured big.
This all circles back to the broader question of whether it’s time to lay the Jays era to rest. Whether targeting Giannis Antetokounmpo or someone like Domantas Sabonis, the changes this team needs cannot happen without moving one of the three highest-paid players while they are still at peak value. The overarching factor is that the Celtics cannot win another title without a big man who can do what Horford once did.
This league has always been dominated to some degree by centers. The Thunder, Spurs, and Knicks all feature game-breaking bigs who can create for themselves and protect the rim. Even a solid, all-around player like Sabonis would feel like a godsend in Boston because the team hasn’t had a big who could meaningfully expand its offensive repertoire in years.

Teams in Boston’s position often double down on the past and pay the price, or they sever ties and risk digging the hole deeper. Denver remains tied to Nikola Jokić and Jamal Murray and hasn’t returned to the Finals since 2023. Milwaukee misidentified its problems by swapping Jrue Holiday for Damian Lillard and now faces the possible end of the Giannis era. Boston cannot afford to be stagnant or foolish. Brown has not minced words: he wants to remain a Celtic and retire here. Boston is his home. But can management realistically believe they will recapture glory by recommitting to this core when the roster has so many other pressing needs?

Vinny Jace is a special contributor to The15net.com. He does not live at the Museum of Science.

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