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10/21/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on October 21, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

I hope the Celtics understand by losing a road game they disappointed a fat human Coinstar.

Are we sure “Dr. Jesse Morse” isn’t just Markwayne Mullin in a lab coat?

Have the judges who picked the finalists been to Logan Airport? “Voice of” should clearly be an unintelligible Dominican accent.

Bob Uecker just cracked a Miller somewhere.

I’m definitely impressed by the guy with “MBA” in his zoom display name.

Great job with the fast healing, but the grace of God needs to bestow ball security upon TreVeyon next.

For the many who seem interested: Progresso, $4.49; Campbell’s, $4.29.

You can’t stop Mikko Rantanen, you can only hope he doesn’t score four goals against you.

You’d be missing throws too if your wife was hobnobbing with hairy Armenians.

Imagine being a Callahan Stan. He looks like Freddy Krueger and sounds like RFK Jr. with AIDS.

Cakes are cooking for Manfred Mann, Elvin Bishop, Judith Sheindlin, Everett McGill, Lee Loughnane, Patti Davis, Charlotte Caffey, Eric Faulkner, George Bell, Ken Watanabe, John Flaherty, Mo Lewis, Andrew Scott, Mélanie Turgeon, Will Estes, Kim Kardashian, Zack Greinke, Glen Powell, and Doja Cat.

I missed the NBA. I did not miss watching Joel Embiid play basketball.

They’re still drinking root beers out in Provo.

Never realized how many French Studies majors have been on Twitter and IG this whole time, kid.

We’re looking down our noses at Attleboro 7s now?

Sacramento Kings guard Ben Simmons is believed to have sustained a torn Achilles tendon at practice Sunday. He can now go back to doing what he loves most; not playing basketball.

I see you, Robert Spillane.

Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a signal problem near Davis. Trains may stand by at stations.

Every time I hear Garrett Wilson I think of Garrett Morris.

Can’t imagine holding any high-end Justin Herbert cards. The Chargers are the worst team in the NFL.

I don’t like my visa picture.

Bledsoe, Mahomes and Maye married somebody who loved them before they were famous. Shitheads like Brady marry the supermodel and weep about their divorce in their Instagram stories.

Little powdered donuts are still very elite.

Hey gang of Eurohoopers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I appreciate all the internet doctors trying to diagnose and help, but I’m in the best hands. So everyone can relax now. And I don’t have HIV or AIDS.”

Yaaaaaa Sully … Big Govahment is running the classic pump and dump gas scheme … yaaaaaaaa

Calling a Mexican person Taco on a social media app is definitely one way to convince people you’re not a racist.

I could see ESPN tossing the bag at Greg Olsen.

Jaylen Brown says he bought a gold harp, and now has someone come over twice a week to play it as the sun goes down while his chef cooks dinner.

Seriously, how the hell is there 450 different types of Drew Bledsoe football cards?

Kage Moush?

Zolak gets so bored when the game is decided. Squirrel brain.

Roger McQueen wearing No. 95 for Anaheim is terrific.

Mike Reiss has a snacking problem. There, I said it.

If we’re talking artists from the 2010’s I’m not sure why Flo Rida isn’t seen as above Bieber Rihanna etc.

Lift the weights
Run the miles
Boil the eggs

Obviously the Halloween theme from the original 1978 movie is ICONIC, but i think the synthesizer version from Halloween II (1981) is even spookier and creepier.

I must have been through ’bout a million girls
I love ’em and I leave ’em alone
I didn’t care how much they cried, no, sir
Their tears left me cold as a stone

But then I fooled around and fell in love
I fooled around and fell in love
I fooled around and fell (pause) in love
Fooled around and fell in love.

Bledsoe got more tail in the nineties than a bus station toilet seat.

I have no idea what L.L. stands for.

‘Karon Prunty’ sounds like a woman who would send back a steak at an Outback.

Jay-Z pulled a Dick Cheney?

The Knicks actually raised the mid-season tournament banner as well? Leave it to the Knicks to ruin everything.

Coach Drip will be failing upwards to Chargers head coach very soon.

I know he’s won a championship and is one of the best players in the world, but I think this 3pm game on a Tuesday in October is Tatum’s legacy.

Coach Bill Belichick. Owning.

I mean, having listeners is nice, but it’s not the same as winning a Marconi Award.

Doubs needed a guardian cap for his torso and legs.

Honk if you remember Rocky Point Park.

Can Archie Manning send some of his goon squad to clean out the Parisian rioters before the Steelers/Saints game dimanche?

I need somebody way smarter than me to explain why the “exposure” of Dave Portnoy calling UConn-UMass the “cum bowl” is worth it.

Poor Jeff Howe. The guy has Vague Symptoms Syndrome.

I shouldn’t have put off taking the drive to see the Mysterious Hanging Boulder to 2027.

The Philadelphia Eagles try to kill any more of their players?

Best bet for the weekend: An early must-win game for both the Celtics and Knicks at the TD Garden.

“Is that Mikey Adams or Artie Lange?” – “Jon Eater-parel.” – “Gerry looks like the world’s longest living progeria patient.” – “Dennis looks like different parts of ancient corpses sewn together with new clothes from his closet.”

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, Old BSMW Friend Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Relax.

*The colors say Fall, but the open toes say Indian Summer.*

10/14/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on October 14, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

The Patriots red 1980s throwback uniforms are commonly called their “Pat Patriot” unis but the modern Flying Elvis mascot is still called Pat Patriot so technically their current unis are Pat Patriot too. Quite the conundrum.

Baseball truly is America’s game because it’s the only sport where sacrifices are built into the fabric of the game.

Well into October and Drake Maye still has some pretty good t-shirt tan lines going on his arms.

Are we supposed to say that some women at gyms don’t dress like whores?

Bad chirp.

I understand that several members of the 2001 Patriots left Gillette Stadium in tears thinking that Coach Belichick didn’t love them anymore because he didn’t send a video message.

Landman is the perfect name for a player who’s good at putting the ball on the ground.

I love how Ordway pats himself on the back as the reason WEEI was so popular when here’s the thing: all it was, was that there was no competition.

Would it kill her to go by Ann Maye?

I wish Bernie Brewer still slid into a mug of beer.

Cakes are cooking for Ralph Lauren, Billy Harrison, Justin Hayward, Dave Schultz, Katy Manning, Sheila Young Ochowicz, Marcia Barrett, Greg Evigan, Beth Daniel, Thomas Dolby, Isaac Mizrahi, Keith Byars, Lori Petty, Joe Girardi, Karyn White, Steve Coogan, Sylvain Lefebvre, Jim Jackson, Erika de Lone, Javon Walker, Usher, Jay Pharoah, and Jared Goff.

And there’s leftover cake in the break room from Bianca de la Garza’s birthday yesterday.

Brand new Garden floor this season. But tradition is important to the Celtics, so they’ve once again kept the bolts — even though they aren’t functional. (The boards fit together in sort of a tongue-and-groove manner.) The floor coating fills in the bolt gap, so it’s all smooth.

I think Greenwell tried to associate balding with wearing baseball hats.

Paul George is like a cat. He will jump in your lap every once in a while. He’s super lovable. Other times, you’re like, ‘Where’s Paul George?’ ‘Oh, he’s in the garage.’

Kelly Clarkson has put us all in danger.

Orange Line: Delays of about 20 minutes while personnel address a signal problem at Forest Hills. Trains may stand by at stations.

Ziegler, you’ve done it again!

Boystown is a throwback kind of place. I haven’t seen gaggles of gays in basic bars for a while.

Somebody cue up “Oklahoma! Where the wind comes right behind the rain.”

Source: UTEP over UTSA in a Secret Scrimmage.

RJ Mitte. Even Kendra mentioning the suicide hotline couldn’t stop him. Sad. RIP.

Honestly this Heat court, in the context of the rainbow going on everywhere else, is more Heat Culture than the literal “Heat Culture” court.

I was today years old when I learned what a scrimmage touchdown meant.

Pritch is back! Under contract for a two year extension!

George Lucas is upset that he didn’t think of Kindle Vildor as a Star Wars character name.

I’m not watching these Derrick White Pizza Shark commercials all season.

How many ‘K’s are there in Korn Ferry again?

Finally getting around to Ted Lasso’s newest season, and I can’t disagree more with the haters. It’s fine. It’s fun. It’s not meant to be an epic work of art. I will simply enjoy it.

Knock-knock! Who’s there? Richie Incognito! Richie Incognito who? EXACTLY.

The only person who cared more about a breakfast than Walt Jr. is Dan Shaughnessy.

Abby Chin did what Scal could never do… Disguise them titties in a flattering way.

Zolak didn’t have to make a Mazz apology? Weak.

Imagine being in eighth grade and your dad posts your school picture on Twitter for millions to see. And putting your kid’s picture on Twitter should be an automatic CPS visit.

I’m addicted to Bruins hockey and never sleeping more than 4 hours a night.

Love hurts, love scars

Love wounds and mars

Any heart

Not tough or strong enough

To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain

Love is like a cloud

Holds a lot of rain

Love hurts

Ooh, ooh love hurts.

Bill Simmons thinks robbing graves in the cemetery is called “cradle robbing”?

Honk if you remember Quiznos.

As the million dollar man ted dibasie said they don’t ask how they won..it’s who won.

Salmon Capistrano!

Good to see Dr. Pappas and the crack Red Sox medical staff didn’t see Garrett Whitlock had a broken leg.

Never listen to football takes from a guy who wears more mascara than Tyra Banks.

Luckily for the GSW fans Al Horford will be able to fill in a few times a month for the ailing Kristaps Porzingis.

Natural athletes heal faster than gritty ones.

Tucker Carlson thinks Glenn Ordway has a small pool of podcast guests.

Best bet for the weekend. Contented coachmen in the aftermath of The Head of the Charles Regatta.

*Disgusting. The Patriots’ own website is counting how many beers Zolak is drinking during his segment with Vrabel.*

*And happy birthday to Czech supermodel Daniela Pestova.*

10/07/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on October 7, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Me crying at my TV screen saying, “you’re still him, Drake. You’re still HIM!“

Wow. 75 years now since Bobby Thomson’s home run. And how about Dave Winfield being born that very day?

Sources close to Lane Johnson said he’s retiring to spend time around “fewer Italians.”

Wow, CBS fired Romo. He should go to Barstool and paint his face with Mut.

Celtics tickets for this coming season are flying off the proverbial shelf as usual.

I love that the Brewers’ pitching coach is named Chris Hook.

Usually I prefer nacho cheese Doritos but sometimes cool ranch hits the spot.

The Red Sox might as well be the pallbearers at my funeral…until my last breath they will let me down.

I hate Ross Tucker’s big, dumb voice. He has a ‘fat kid in middle school’ voice.

Cakes are cooking for Kevin Godley, John Mellencamp, Ricky Phillips, Tico Torres, Yo-Yo Ma, Brian Sutter, Jayne Torvill, Judy Landers, Simon Cowell, Toni Braxton, Thom Yorke, Malia Hosaka, Johnnie Morton, Priest Holmes, Allison Munn, Shannon MacMillan, Charles Woodson, Taylor Hicks, Nathaniel Rateliff, Aaron Ashmore, Shawn Ashmore, Jake McLaughlin, Evan Longoria, Lee Nguyen, Mookie Betts, and Lewis Capaldi.

Putting on my best Carhartt polo to support my rape-victim friend.

That Patriots-Bills game was totally wild. It’s Ryan Murphy show level with bizarre occurrences.

My X account has been blocked by Dan Bongino and Martina Navratilova…

This weekend has all the potential for AC and heat in the same 24 hours. Mark my words.

Red Line Update: The delay has cleared.

Hey gang with their steamer trunks covered in destination stickers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “For a guy that’s been on eight teams in four years? I mean, I guess he knows the drill.”

You ever have a morning where you’re so tired that you pour your granola into your coffee?

I’m all set with the Teddy Swims White Claw commercials.

RIP Sam McDowell. I love Pat Jordan’s immortal line, sayin’ that McDowell’s pre-game warm-up sounded like “a small thunderstorm in the bullpen.”

Yankee fans must lead the league in backwards hat wearing.

I love how the NFL stadiums have the security stand on the sidelines facing the crowd, having no clue that people are about to fly into you and shred your knee.

Every time I see Chase Meidroth, I read it as ‘Cla Meredith.’

Tyquan Thornton…… oh man.

Look, there’s a lot of shit content out there. Hard to rise above the rest enough to get me to double take, but this vampire sitcom on CBS has done it.

Lots of bodegas in Weymouth, presumably.

Dondero is really the ultimate evolution of Felgerism. Just the extreme fluctuations of takes without any regard for what he said last week or even yesterday.

Or put another way, success is going from wild ass take to wild ass take without losing enthusiasm.

Hey buddy go bang a harlot and bother someone else or I will make sure X puts you in a corner.

Roger Goodell’s earned a lot of criticism, but keeping ads off game uniforms is one of the few things for which he deserves massive kudos.

What makes you sad, what makes you blue?
I’m all in rags with nothing to lose
We could traverse and find a way through
Land in the grass and start acting like fools.

You’re a prisoner by day
Is that what you choose?
Stand in the water, baby
It’ll get you through tonight.

I would contribute to a GoFundMe for New Hampshire to get its own network TV affiliates so we wouldn’t have to watch election commercials for candidates we can’t vote for/against.

Sam Yarnell needs to boost his follower count, playboi.

Colson Yankoff, a TE and former 4-star high school QB, is now the emergency QB for Washington.

Honk if you remember Grossman’s.

Seeing Jaylen as a Sixer has pee pee river man Greenie losing control of all his bodily functions.

Hardy has burn-victim mouth.

One time on vacation I went to some butterfly reserve on the Dutch part of Saint Maarten. Asked them if they liked the band Crazy Town. They had no idea what I was talking about.

Get well soon, Marchy.

Romeo Doubs’ one-handed TD catch really got Farrah Fawcetted!

Do you think if more people in the Red Sox front office had played Horizon Zero Dawn they would have left Sonny Gray stay in and finish the inning?

Every loser crying about McDaniels was the same sack of shit up in the 300s back in the day that would cry when he’d run a draw on passing downs.

Best bet for the weekend: putting up the storm windows & taking in the potted plants and Christopher Columbus statues.

*We’ll leave a saucer of milk out for you.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, Joe Posnanski, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. My heart was breaking, hands are shaking
Bugs are crawling all over me.

09/30/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 30, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

When Austin Wells drove in George Lombard, I said to myself, ‘Self; the Red Sox aren’t going to lose this game 1-0.’ And I was right!

Drake Maye has the grip strength of Stephen Hawking.

All lists are inherently awful.

Here’s hoping the Patriots follow the Bruins lead and beat the team from New York Sunday.

Pedro doesn’t age. The new Bobby Orr.

‘Angry Bill’ died? Like, recently, not ten years ago? RIP.

Why didn’t the umpire tell Verlander’s daughter to get the hell off the field?

I miss AJ’s gravity. That shit was real, bro.

Cakes are cooking for Angie Dickinson, Johnny Mathis, Marilyn McCoo, Victoria Tennant, Catie Ball, John Lombardo, Barry Williams, Fran Drescher, Marty Stuart, Crystal Bernard, Eric Stoltz, Trey Anastasio, Kathleen Madigan, Tony Hale, Jenna Elfman, Carlos Guillén, Marion Cotillard, Candice Michelle, Martina Hingis, Dominique Moceanu, Kieran Culkin, Lacey Chabert, T-Pain, Mary Paoletti Brown, Max Verstappen, and Maddie Ziegler.

Pro tip: Don’t post an old picture of yourself posing with a ‘Saved By the Bell’ actor. It doesn’t end well.

Roman Anthony is made of precious antique Murano glass.

Crockpot bags are the greatest invention.

Peyton Tolle is on the right side of being a weirdo, Triston Casas is on the wrong side.

Like boxing, styles make WNBA playoff series.

Love how they air the Protect College Sports Act ads like we get a chance to vote on it.

The Good Kid will make a great captain.

Green Line: Due to signal modernization work there is no service between North Station & Babcock St (B), Kenmore (C+D), & Heath St (E) through October 4. Use buses for service to Copley/Back Bay. Use Orange Line between Back Bay & North Station.

Bobby Manning always sounds like he just huffed a canister of computer duster.

That Madden trailer looks like a parody.

I’ve got Laura Rutledge bot looking accounts following me now on Instagram.

Fine, I’ll say it. The Brazilian national anthem stinks.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Sex is great, but have you ever worn a sweatshirt?”

News Item: Bruins concession souvenirs this year include ice cream in goalie masks and draft beer in a hockey glove mug.

Zolak should check his tone. The only QB with worse ball security than Maye is his kid.

John Schreiber being on the Yankees playoff roster against the Red Sox isn’t something you can ever truly prepare for.

Hasselbeck doesn’t look so good. Hope he’s well.

Watched FLEABAG on Prime. Six 1/2 hour eps. Funny, raunchy, something very different. I dug it.

How is there no video of the Section 10 block party after the grand slam?

Andy Reid shouldn’t be in a commercial where they say ‘We’re a family again.’

John Mulaney is just Bowen Yang for bros. One note.

The thing that drives me nuts with Drake Maye is all these cvnts second guessed every decision made by Belichick, they lost their mind over every bad play out of Brady, Gronk, Gilmore or any other star. But Maye can suck for weeks on end and we’re doing fucking Zapruder film shit to prove it definitely wasn’t Drake’s fault!!

And while we’re at it, yeah, I’m this miserable in real life, Dan. I work for a fucking living and spend my off day walking the dog in the downpour, cleaning my basement, watching an abortion of a football game, and cooking a delicious goddamn dinner. I don’t post 9 photo grids online for a couple cents from Elon while mooching off my wife’s salary and acting like I’m better than everyone else for it.

Well, you’re windy and wild
You got the blues in your shoes and your stockings

You’re windy and wild, oh, yeah
Well, you’re built like a car
You got a hub cap diamond star halo
You’re dirty, sweet, and you’re my girl

Get it on, bang a gong, get it on
Get it on, bang a gong, get it on (ooh, yeah)

Once worked with a person who withdrew from their 401k with penalty to buy gold to bury in their backyard.

I just hope the open of tonight’s Red Sox Yankees game focuses on the ‘Curse of the Bambino.’

Nicholas Batum just concluded an 18-year NBA career without ever attracting much attention. But 18 years means someone always wanted you around. Au revoir, Monseiur.

Drake made it sound like the football was disgorged from an elevator at The Overlook Hotel.

Northampton is just one of many cities/towns in Western MA. They don’t rep 413.

There are more people alive today that have seen first-run episodes of The Ernie Kovacs Show than have watched Fleabag.

Kristaps Porzingis is out indefinitely to open training camp with a health issue, per Warriors. Another immediate blow to GSW’s depth.

Get up, walk the dog, turn the computer on and all of a sudden it’s dinner time.

Is UMass a wagon??

The Sullivans want to know why a nor’easter couldn’t have necessitated the cancelation of The Jackson’s Victory Tour in its entirety.

Celtics haven’t had a captain since Rondo in 2014.

As God as my witness, when it was reported 946 could add a member, I was going to post it should be Jaida Parker. I never got around to it. Either way, she fits perfectly. Raw’s hitting its stride, focusing on younger/fresher talent!

Honk if you remember ‘Good Morning, Miss Bliss’.

I feel like Dak Prescott always looks awesome, until he doesn’t. A perfect Tony Romo replacement.

You don’t hit your macros by taking care of a screaming kid.

It takes me a good three games of playoff baseball to get a read on each network’s scorebug.

“Human services coordinator” sounds like what a hooker would put on a LinkedIn page.

Has Coach Vrabes considered renting out a movie theater and showing the team The Program?

It makes me smile that Lucky gets his own Media Day photos.

Best bet for the weekend: buses traveling to Buffalo.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Well it’s plain to see you were meant for me. And I’m your toy, your 20th century boy.

*And Happy Birthday to sturdy Italian model & Actress Monica Bellucci.*

09/23/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 23, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Were people expecting a Zolak to be good at quarterbacking?

In early May, the idea that the Red Sox would need to buy champagne and beer to celebrate making the playoffs seemed preposterous. Let them have their moment.

Ironically, Caleb Williams has to not play this weekend to look like less of a pussy.

Nothing more basic than a “my sport is tougher” pissing match.

The Patriots not only didn’t lose, they actually won!

Baseball savants: Today is the 118th anniversary of Fred Merkle’s alleged “boner.” The rest of you don’t give a shit.

Tommy DeVito was excited in the locker room. Why? He got Aaron Rodgers’ jersey.

Saw an alligator on my way to Starbucks. Owning.

Subaru Sue O’Connell has more sick relatives than Manny Ramirez.

Cakes are cooking for Julio Iglesias, Steve Boone, Neal Smith, Bruce Springsteen, Maren Jensen, Larry Mize, Marvin Lewis, Jason Alexander, John Harbaugh, Mark Woodforde, Pete Harnisch, Jeff Cirillo, Tapio Laukkanen, Ani DiFranco, Karl Pilkington, Anthony Mackie, Keri Lynn Pratt, Anneliese van der Pol, Matt Kemp, Joba Chamberlain, Brandon Jennings, and Maleah Joi Moon.

Tortilla chips can be the oyster crackers of chili if you do it right.

He was too old by that point, but I’ve always thought Paul Newman would’ve been perfect for the Frank Costello role in The Departed. Not a huge fan of Nicholson’s performance.

My dog, Clavicular, is sure enjoying the cooler temps outside today.

Michael Lombardi started a Substack. Football Done Right is where my NFL writing lives now: the Tuesday review, the Friday Lombardi Look Ahead, QB and power ratings, and deep dives like this one on why Dan Campbell has never fixed the Lions defense. Free and paid tiers.

Brit soccer fans would have had a multi-stanza “Rodgers Can’t Fuck” chant good to go, Pats fans. Just sayin’.

These last 6 Red Sox games feel like NFL Preseason Game #3.

Green Line: Due to signal modernization work there will be no service between North Station & Babcock St (B), Kenmore (C+D), & Heath St (E) Sep 26 – Oct 4. Use buses for service to Copley/Back Bay. Use Orange Line between Back Bay & North Station.

How you all feel watching Tolle on the hill is exactly how I feel watching The Butchie.

Can we be honest here? Sydney Sweeney was not chosen for the ad as a “representation of women in sport,” she was chosen for the ad because they’re trying to sell a gambling app to 18-24 year old males who masturbate frequently.

Japan is an amazing place.

Hey gang of tough love givers, ‘this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “stop calling girls hon. It’s disgusting.”

If I’m the Patriots I bring back Joe Milton III to put pressure on Drake Maye’s job. Drake is quickly becoming the athletic version of Mac Jones.

Let’s all agree to stop acknowledging Guyliner from Braintree.

Why did Nantz making it sound like it’s a big deal that a defensive lineman never had a TD in college?

In the wee, wee hours
Your mind gets hazy
Radio relay towers
Gon’ lead me to my baby.
The radio’s jammed up
With talk show stations
It’s just talk, talk, talk, talk
‘Til you lose your patience.

Mister state trooper
Please don’t stop me.

Colorado native Tim Miller had to wear an ole Miss shirt today because his beloved LSU lost. what a scamp!

Another solid game from Will Campbell.

Sometimes my mustache bothers me, but I can’t shave it cause then I’d look Amish.

Rachel Dratch, you still got it, kid.

License to Ill was revolutionary Mort. It was the REAL 1st rap album to cross over into suburbia and was the genesis for rap becoming mainstream.

Tape measures in America have centimeters.

You just can not take New York City seriously as long as it continues to air JEOPARDY! before “Wheel Of Fortune”.

Angel Reese is genuinely Tim Duncan.

New investigation for UNC: Does Bill Belichick steal Kristi Noem’s husband’s fetish? If UNC worms its way out of that contract, he could always do Walking Bets.

The Red Sox no longer have an interim manager but they still have an interim Citgo sign.

Tom is going to have a toothpick in his mouth and a pack of smokes rolled up in his sleeve when he calls the game next week. Edgy!

Loop Loc has a variety of color ways and styles that accentuate your pool area in style and safety.

Honk if you remember when Cheryl Ladd replaced Farrah Fawcett on Charlie’s Angels.

That guy over there, he looks like the woodchuck Joey Gladstone used to fist on Full House.

I see Todd Helton got a zesty statue.

Dan Campbell is an idiot’s idea of a great coach, style over substance.

Tell that one Freiermuth story again.

“Someone else’s business” is certainly one way to describe being a homewrecker.

The Entitled Town Podcast is my only source for WNBA playoff predictions except for the rest of the internet.

Best bet for the weekend: raingear.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, David Burge, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Glory Days.

*Bianca doesn’t want summer to end, either.*

09/16/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 16, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

A lot of you are gonna crawl back into the woodwork when Drake bounces back. Bookmarks and screenshots last forever, though.

I learned from the sideline reporter last Friday night that BC is 4 miles away from Brigham Young Hospital.

Sue O’Connell is like Keith Olbermann if he were a man.

Don’t ask me why Ben Shelton has never won a Grand Slam tournament. How are seven guys in the world better than this guy?

Okay so apparently Chris Smith is the coolest reporter in Boston so that’s good to know.

Melbin?

Here’s the thing: starting a podcast, is the new, ‘pivot, to video!’

Butch from the Cape would be very disappointed.

I can’t belive Bob would genocide Mackerelmore like that.

Cakes are cooking for Joe Butler, Bernie Calvert, Dennis Conner, Kenney Jones, Ron Blair, Rosemary Casals, Ed Begley Jr, Susan Ruttan, David Bellamy, Henry Louis Gates Jr., Loyd Grossman, Mickey Rourke, Lenny Clarke, Robin Yount, David Copperfield, Jennifer Tilly, Orel Hershiser, Tim Raines, Mickey Tettleton, Bilinda Butcher, Mark Parent, Richard Marx, Bernie Parmalee, Marc Anthony, Chester McGlockton, Amy Pohler, Shawntel Smith, Dan Dickau, Fan Bingbing, Madeline Zima, Nick Jonas, Bryson DeChambeau, Metro Boomin, and Aaron Gordon.

Coach Vrabes, your behavior disappointed Katie Nolan.

Have an image in my head of Jeff Howe being pissed off that the Angel of Death has once again passed by him to flirt with another member of his social circle.

Edge of Tomorrow with Tom Cruise is an EXTREMELY underrated movie.

That Clay Matthews chin pic is more believable than Glenn’s.

Spero Dedes and Adam Archuleta will be on the week 3 CBS call for Patriots-Jaguars the network announced. A team one week to E team the next.

Need Pablo Torre to do an episode on Kendra’s income streams.

A football pre-game show with Pat McAfee AND Jason Kelce?!!!! Is it Christmas already??

Hey gang of karma chameleons, this week’s Phrase that pays is, “Trans Sisters. We are getting scolded by LITERAL BOY GEORGE for being trainwreck Jew haters. Gay dad is disappointed in us. We’ve gotta get our shit together.”

Wait, the placekicker for Green Bay is named ‘Trey Smack?’

Was hoping to hear Mike Conley say he’s wearing #45 with the Celtics because he was a huge Andrew DeClercq fan.

If my ND shirt doesn’t come in soon Babz is gonna hear about it.

Lots of celebrities talk a big game. Few back it up with actions like Mr. Steve Buscemi.

The Red Sox have mastered the art of the Matrix slide.

This is no social crisis
This is you havin’ fun
No crisis
Gettin’ burned by the sun
This is true-

This is no social crisis,

Just another tricky day for you.

Krafty Bob fucked Ed Shreehan like the hand of a 60-year old Vietnamese masseuse.

Just saw The Odyssey and had an out of body experience when Sean Avery popped up lmao

Boy, did Green Bay take a massive shit in their pants.

Taylor Swift doing a song/soundtrack for the next Tom Cruise movie? Co-starting in it? No way that’s random. For the record – I’m in favor of any of that.

Bert Bell invented “the Streisand Effect.”

Green Line C Branch Update: The delay has cleared.

Of course Mutnansky is Team Will Flemming.

Hot take: Rutgers might not be very good this year.

I’m hearing that the lingering effects of long Covid means that Ted Sarandis is unable to be a guest on Big O’s podcast for the foreseeable future. Heartbreaking.

Fake ASL interpreter is my absolute dream job.

Honk if you remember where to get a score card at Pine Oaks Golf Course.

Surely the fans who complain about the Patriots OC every year regardless of who it is are right this time.

Great news everybody, Curtis Mead is “definitely touching a bat”.

Now is the spy bunker actually in Gillette Stadium proper, or, like, in the closed Game Stop location in Jonathan City?

Remember: laughter is a involuntary response.

The best part of an Ohio State loss is Bertie Breer’s insincere congratulations to the other team.

Best bet for the weekend: Fluff.

The15 Writers’ Room- ‘The Big O has transformed into CGI Errol Flynn’ ‘Clean cut Kurt Sutter’ ‘He looks like he’s starring in a reboot of Shane’ “looks like he’s been the star of Days of Our Lives for the past 30 years.’ ‘Kinda looks like The $15 Dollar Man’
*‘Like someone photoshopped Tom Selleck into his face’ ‘Looks like Leonardo DiCaprio would if he dated someone over 25’*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, Old Friend Humphrey, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. It’s all too beautiful.

*And happy birthday to model/actress Alexis Bledel.*

09/10/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 10, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Drew Lock outduels Brain Lock.

Well, at least Revolution salvaged a win for the region tonight!

Is Ed Hand Hogdale’s conservator?

Imagine the first thing you think of after the Gonzalez signing is Dave Brown?

Doug Eddings didn’t like the tilt of Western Michigan’s helmets and gave Michigan another play.

We’re all poorer for not hearing Jerry Remy say “Mickey Gaspah.”

I guess Pablo found out…

It’s nice that they have a football game to support this Microsoft Tablet promotion.

Who could have forseen the Michael Lombardi implosion coming?

Cakes are coking for Artie Tripp, Danny Hutton, José Feliciano, Larry Nelson, Barriemore Barlow, Bill O’Reilly, Don Muraco, Don Powell, Joe Perry, Gary Danielson, Amy Irving, Pat Mastelotto, Johnny Hickman, Carol Decker, Chris Coloumbus, Colin Firth, Randy Johnson, Joe Nieuwendyk, Robin Goodridge, Big Daddy Kane, Guy Ritchie, Ben Wallace, Ryan Phillippe, Timothy Goebel, Misty Copeland, Joey Votto, Matthew Followill, Ashley Monroe, Coco Rocha, Jordan Staal, and Brooke Henderson.

Nancy Grace is a great American.

If it’s not a Super Bowl, it’s not a Super Bowl rematch.

Nick Wright is what Gorilla Monsoon once famously said..the fountain of misinformation.

Ms. Rachel can hoop, Oh HELL YEAH!

Hey gang that’s got spirit, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “They all have great jobs they just sling cvnt for the love of the game.”

I hope El Prez doesn’t have to shutter the Chicago Office as a cost cutting measure after the Rutgers bet debacle.

Fun Australia Fact: All the koalas have chlamydia.

Sorry, but I ain’t getting in a driverless automobile of any kind. I don’t trust it.

Jason Kelce’s TV is mounted too high.

Maybe they should call her ‘Ben Shelton’s girlfriend’ instead of ‘Dennis Rodman’s daughter.’ Would that be better, ladies?

Map out your route during the Orange Line diversion between Forest Hills and Back Bay. On September 10-14, use alternate transit: Free shuttle buses, free Commuter Rail trains between Forest Hills, Ruggles, Back Bay, and South Station.

That Van Natta article about no wrongdoing being found seems to have been really accurate.

Patriots will rebound when they’re back home, with the welcoming lighthouse and the blank wall where the Jerod Mayo mural used to be.

A 20 piece McNugget is $7 right now.

If baseball wasn’t at minimum, occasionally boring the Savannah Bananas wouldn’t be a thing.

The puffy helmet looks extra gay when you suck.

Buddy, what’s up with those bobo batteries? No wonder why they’re all dead as Dillinger. When it comes to batteries, you gotta go Duracell, or Energizer. Only two options.

Just a reminder that UNC plays East Tennessee State on Saturday afternoon, in case you’re looking for some REAL football.

Imagine watching Nancy Grace on TV in 2026?

Clips could have gotten away with the whole thing if Kawhi just took a picture next to a tree.

The Farmer’s Dog has been named the NFL’s first official Pet Food Partner. The multi-year partnership kicks off with a campaign starring Giants RB Cam Skattebo and his senior rescue dog, Duke.

That wasn’t very abercrombie of Drake Maye.

Eddie Andelman would have loved this 7’3” Chinese chick. She’s the basketball equivalent of a sumo hockey goalie.

Flailing Flemming finally forces Finn fingerwag.

As a running back would you rather be a bell cow or a work horse?

Go. Go U. Go UMass. Go UMass!

Excited to watch Frusen Glädjé prove he deserves the 50-million-dollar contract extension.

My day literally consists of editing my Patriots hype video, continuing my “Patriots as Comic Book Characters” blog, pretending to check my work email, repeat.

They send you to rehab to get cured off of the edibles?

I don’t think I’ve ever seen fog like this before…

Want some whiskey in your water?
Sugar in your tea?
What’s all these crazy questions
You’re askin’ me?
This is the craziest party
That could ever be
Don’t turn on the lights
‘Cause I don’t wanna see

Mama told me not to come, oh Lord
Mama told me not to come
She said, “That ain’t the way to have fun, No.”

A plastic container of spices loses 17% of its flavor when it crosses state lines.

‘Pallet fort’ in French is ‘fort de palette.’

Fantastic. Wish you the best. You will have a suit on your door when AI opens up your info. We will have fun then!

Cover screws have torque specs?

We lost Danny Gans way too soon. Incredible talent.

Mut put out a video that he thought a horse Portnoy owns had a great shot of winning its race at Saratoga and the nag came in eighth place. Incredible.

Another big goal for Capi!

I thought the whole point of having chicks on the college recruiting staff was so they’d have sex with the recruits?

Honk if you remember Carling Black Label.

Luckily Brown’s not injury prone and hasn’t had high ankle sprains last all season long before in Tennessee or anything.

Dawn Light makes the all-Synonym Team.

The NBA Cup winner should get the forfeited Clippers picks.

What does Jerry Thornton do for Barstool now anyways? Is he their correspondent to the Vatican?

You go out there and show that hyboid cancer who’s boss Marc Bertrand!

Walpole Joe Morgan. Lunchpail guy and manager of these nine. Magic. He will be dearly missed.

Best bet for the weekend: Eagles over Scarlet Knights out to Chestnut Hill.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, Marlee Wierda, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Shalise Manza Young. Shalise Manza Young. Shalise Manza Young, went to the baño; what have they done?

The 2026 Labor Day Weekend Playlist

Posted on September 3, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

(Dear The15net dot com Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is the musical playlist for your Labor Day weekend enjoyment. In the car, at the beach, by the lake, or just at home. Assorted Songs of Work and Toil, Songs of Celebration & Songs of Summer’s Departing. Click HERE to download.)

You Can’t Sideload Happiness – 4 Tabs Tiled

Pineapple Upside Down Cake – Muddle of Pudd

Catfishing Toes – MegO Rapscallian

Seersucker Sal (Done Got Killed by His Gal) – Turkeypie Jefferson

Feels – Fat Human Coinstar

It’s Raining Lies – The Drought Doubters

A Shitbird’s Lament – Pat McAfee

You Can Leave Your Tarp On – Joe Cocker

Love – Jaren Dolers

Who Won? We WON – Clamcastic Fantastic

Fictitious Fish – Jethro Trull (with Fictional Friction)

Crazy Baker Lady (gluten free mix)- Deadmau5

Someone’s in Sedona with Dianna – Mick Gindaloon & His Dumb Polacks

My Ever Changing Moods – Marion Council

Strange Fruit – Upton Bellie Holiday

Blitz, JC, The Barber, & Johnny V – They Might Be Giants

Unfunny Man – Emerson Lotzia & Palmer

Where Have All the Traffic Cones Gone? – MassDOT Highway Division Special Projects Chorus

My Best Friend Dan Lifshatz – Known Cunt

3 to 5 – Joshy Parton

Heading for a Fall – The Michael Hollies

Take Em Out (Miss Porter’s Mix) – Franz Onlyfans

Slur – Tears for Rears

Makin’ Mercury Grand Marquises – Ron Catamount Muskmelon

(Don’t Go Back to) Nashua – J.R.M.

Where Did I Say I Was A Fortunate Son? – Steve Steve R

Pictures Of Butchie – The Murphs

Data Center Outage Blues – Norton Adams & The State Collegians (Live)

Paprika Caravan – Martin Denny

Big Jeff From Work – Wamesit Lanes Men’s Glee Club

Union Sundowning – Bob Ryan

Birth, School, ???, Death – Gillfathers

Something’s Fishy – The Aggrieved White Clam Exercise Band

Drivelinin’ – Robert Parker

Have a Job Do a Job Work a Job Give a Job – The Middsy 5

Uncrustable in Paradise – Marvelous Mike

Take This Job and Rat Shovel It – Brawny Paycheck

That’s What I Want – Lil Nas BHL

Amor y Control – Ruben Blades

No Work and All Play – Living in a Van Marion

Don’t Talk to Me About Work (Unless it’s During a Strike) – Lou Merloni

You’re Next – Happy Warriors Cancellation Brigade

Vacation – We All Wish Kendra Would Go-Go

We’re Going to Be Friends – Marvelous Mike and the Fudge Stripes

Free Fallin’ – Michael Holley, Michael Holley!

Love Photo No. 9 (in the grid) – Dan Kelley Sports

The Hot Dog Rollers Won’t Fix Themselves – First Aid Kit (feat. Yngwie Malmsteen)

Pictures of Sal – The Milk Carton Kids

Main Theme to ‘The Fat Guy & The AI P.I.’ -The CBS Procedural Orchestra

Unsafety Dance – Men Without Shame

(Have a song suggestion? Or a compliment? Leave it in the comments! Or just reply on Twitter, I guess.)

09/02/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 2, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Eh. Scheduled loss.

Mainstream CFB writers being introduced to a BB team winning a rock fight is delightful. And 15-10 is like a perfect Belichick win. Pisses off exactly all the right people.

All these trust fund kids circle jerking over how little they made in their useless media jobs isn’t at all triggering.

They weren’t booing Páez, they were still cheering on Woo!

In the back of my mind I thought the Pro Bowl had been eliminated years ago.

Dolly held the exact same social and political views as me!

I’m not going to be used as a pawn as the two sides piss at each other. If a deal isn’t done by September 9th, then I’ll be livid.

Derek Jeter did not “dive into the stands” to catch a ball. He made a nice running catch in the playing field, and his momentum carried him into the stands. Nice play, but not heroic.

I don’t even know what Good Good is other than redundant.

Note to broadcasters especially in MLB. Please call players by their last names and not their first. Its Rafaela not Cedanne. The trend started years ago and it isn’t a good one.

Since Boston doesn’t have a WNBA team yet, I’ve adopted Golden State as my team strictly because of Veronica Burton. The Valkyries won their third straight last night, and @Veronicaab22 had 13 assists and 0 turnovers. She has 29 assists and 1 turnover during the win streak.

Apropos of nothing, I hope Corey Kiner gets a locker in the corner of the locker room, so we can all call it Kiner’s Korner. #iykyk

Cakes are cooking for Peter Ueberroth, Mary Jo Catlett, Harry Northup, Rosalind Ashford, Nate Archibald, Terry Bradshaw, Rosanna DeSoto, Mark Harmon, Jimmy Connors, Linda Purl, Mario Tremblay, Steve Porcaro, Eric Dickerson, John S. Hall, Jeff Russell, Keanu Reeves, Lenox Lewis, Cynthia Watros, Rich Aurilia, Jason Hammel, Rachael Gunn, and Brandon Ingram.

No one ever talks about how heavily accordion is featured in Mexican music.

The people who hate seeing Kirk Herbstreit’s dog on TV are the same people who drive 5 mph under the speed limit in the left lane. You can’t convince me otherwise.

Hey, didja all hear about this guy who pretended to be a 49ers player? Haven’t seen many people talking about it. Crazy stuff, huh?

Red Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to an earlier signal problem at Harvard.

I’m sorry but being a WAG is not being a woman in sports.

Omg seriously what is in Mickey’s crotch?

If I wanted to watch sweaty men dance in tight attire, I’d attend a Chippendales show rather than a Savannah Bananas game.

Dad is never using Venmo. You cannot make him.

Yesterday was “rentree” in France, a massive day. ALL of the schools are back in session Mayors and principals were interviewed on television.

Team Gaga btw. Madonna can kick rocks.

The Red Sox fill-in play-by-play guy on radio tonight sounds like Pablo Torre after 1.5 martinis, and I can’t shake it. But excited for the Clippers dirt he’ll have for the 7th inning stretch.

Where does one even acquire an Anduril hat?

The play made by Monasterio is ruled a catch against any other team. fact, not opinion.

Lucy go for a walk or something in Boston we boo if you stink up the joint you don’t like it move to Mars.

Can Elon ban all Barstool-related content? Every video I see is like “Oh man, Scuzzy and Grunch were going at it in the Chicago office today. Apparently one of them hooked up with Kacey Jugzzz at Dave & Buster’s last night? Super crazy. I’m glad Fat Tits Snapback Guy was recording.”

Hey gang of finger lickers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Black buns and mashed potatoes sounds like something I’m not going to image search.”

I hope Jedixson Páez pitches on Section 10 Night.

Feels like I can’t make fun of the Clancy women anymore when there’s a large chunk of dudes convinced Sandusky is innocent.

Well, I hope MLB brings back protesting a game after the lockout season!

Thinking of that fat fucking cvnt Lifshatz calling people retards as his neck fat jiggles from typing is hilarious.

GTA 6 players will need to learn how to maintain a relationship, according to IGN. Don’t you play video games so you don’t have to go shopping with your wife?

I love the Mickey Gasper story as much as the next guy, but I draw the line at “Hey Mickey you’re so fine”

Greg you couldn’t be more wrong about this sub shop take you have in the oven and the Italian subs and all that nonsense.

I’ve found a home with writing haikus. The requirements are oddly helpful.

Bright eyes full of dreams,
Laughter ringing through the air,
Shining proud and free.

Lol you ever looked into toilet paper? If you aren’t using bamboo by now….yikes.

I bet Mike Mussina knows what day this is. I sure do.

Love her, but Heidi Watney should uncinch the screws holding her face back a couple of turns.

A Bill hasn’t defeated Dykes like that since DOMA back in ‘96.

You can tell someone is a football expert when they list a team’s schedule by the quarterbacks they’re going to play.

What time do they lock the Coliseum they got there in Rome for the night?

After a few hours of searching the house (detachable penis)
And calling everyone I could think of
I was starting to get very depressed (detachable penis)
So I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast

Then as I walked down Second Avenue
Towards St. Mark’s place where (detachable penis)
All those people sell used books and other junk on the street
I saw my penis lying on a blanket (detachable penis)
Next to a broken toaster oven
Some guy was selling it (detachable penis)
I had to buy it off him, he wanted 22 bucks (detachable penis)
But I talked him down to $17.

People sure do demand a lot of decorum from a sport where it’s commonplace to gnaw on a wad of tobacco.

What a needy prick Giardi is. Really.

What if Good Good Golf re-shoots the ad but it’s RA getting shoved to the ground?

Rule 5 is usually a synonym for a bum.

Pro Tip: Ham sandwiches get indicted, not North Shore three-way beefs.

Honk if you remember The Jerry Lewis MDA Labor Day Telethon.

I know more about cards than 99.9% of people who own cards. I’ve covered cards for 26 years.

Lomu…..Latu…..Latu….Lomu.

Doesn’t every single gambling ad read on The Ringer end with “must be 21 and present”?

Turn off your radios numrods.

Jamai Webster still occasionally starts a question that he has no idea how to finish.

It’s my favorite time of year. BC could go undefeated!

Best bet for the weekend: buying 7 dozen eggs and 4 gallons of milk.

Take their picks! All of them!!
(N.B. Kansas City won this Week 14, 2019 game 23-16, with Butker 3-3 on field goals, 2-2 on extra points.)

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, BSMW Old Friend Humphrey, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We’re dancing in the streets.

And Happy Birthday to Mexican actress Salma Hayek.

Welcome Back Students!

Posted on September 1, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Welcome back to all the college and university students! And a particular welcome to our new squad of student interns here at The15, both in the Greater Boston area and elsewhere:

Emily Barncoat – ’29 Northeastern University

Fern Beckfick – ’29 Emmanuel College

Treydon Bouchet – ’29 University of Massachusetts – Lowell

Waylen Champlain – ’29 College of the Holy Cross

Zorba Fitzmurphy -’28 Boston University

Armando Glurge – ’29 Suffolk University

Willard Kelley – ’28 Bunker Hill Community College

Anastasia Krill – ’29 Boston College

Donnie Lonergan – ’28 Assumption University

Stefon Machafo – ’29 Emerson College

George Rao – ’29 Boston College

Ryan Sorghum – ’29 University of Massachusetts – Boston