Author Archives: scartsy15

09/28/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Artist’s conception of Jim Stewart’s Catphone.

 So there. For the 4th consecutive autumn, the Red Sox are not going to win the World Series.

Who does Ime Udoka think he is; Gene Lavanchy?

Get well soon, Mac Jones. Hoyer will game-manage until you are well. Say well more.

Always interesting to see which MLB teams remember to wish their Jewish fans a happy new year.

But Brett Favre!!

Bruins. No pressure on you.

Happy METCO Gorilla Day. At least John & Gerry learned their lesson from that one.

Cakes are cooking for Bridgitte Bardot, Steve Largent, Ron Fellows, Anne White, Grant Fuhr, Janeane Garofolo, Moon Unit Zappa, Jeezy, Emeka Okafor, St. Vincent, and Hilary Duff.

The Bills Mafia Kubler-Rossing their way through not getting the 20-0 season they expected is pleasantly diverting.

This Judge home run watch has turned into a slog, like waiting for Yaz’s 3,000 hit.

Actually was in line behind a nice little old lady who held up the 12 Items or Less lane by paying with a check. It was like an Elvis sighting.

Biggest thing I took out of that whole segment is not only Jeys demeanors with Sami but Jey sideyeing Roman hard when he had the mic and Roman asked for it back.

There are still 77 newspapers?

Red Line Reminder: Shuttle buses replace train service between JFK/UMass and Broadway this weekend, October 1 – 2, from start to end of service.

Maybe don’t let the players pick the next coach?

Ravens DT Michael Pierce suffered a biceps tear in Sunday’s win, sources say, but there is not definitive word yet on how to proceed and if Pierce can continue playing at some point this season. Those tests and decisions are ongoing.

At least Roush Fenway Keselowski Racing was competitive.

Hey gang of Woj Bombers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Ime and Rob both finish inside.”

Dean Wormer, how many NESN360 subscribers are coming in to see Jared Carrabis get another tattoo?

You know the dealer, the dealer is a man
With a lot of grass in his hand
Ah but the pusher is a monster
Good God he’s not a natural man
The dealer, for a nickel lord
He’ll sell you lots of sweet dreams
Ah but the pusher’ll ruin your body
Lord he’ll leave… he’ll leave your mind to scream.
God damn ahh the pusher.
God damn, God damn the pusher.
I said God damn God, God damn the pusherman.

I do have to admit I have been very disappointed that Aaron Judge’s hair has not fallen out this season.

Proper begging the question usage is my love language.

I still have yet to hear an explanation as to how Ser Criston Cole could just beat a knight (and loved of the King Consort) to death at the wedding of the heir to the Iron Throne and it’s just ignored? I know Alicent scoops him up but that’s a lot to ignore. lol

I guess Boegarts screwing up Judge’s Triple Crown bid would be a nice send-off.

It’s a leg. Calais Campbell landed on it. The doctors will take a look.

Don Orsillo has broadcast 3,000 MLB games. That’s something like 875,000 pitches counted!

Honk if you remember when cars always had cigarette lighters on the dashboard.

Don’t worry, England; The NFL is coming to Tottenham Hotspur Stadium to heal your City of London.

I’m going to still be writing 5782 on my checks until Cheshvan! Such a tsuris!

Pithy one-liner.

Kyed’s sideways move to PFF seems to have really paid off for him.

Did Celtics interim HC Joe Mazzulla’s family come from the same village in Italy as Mike Tirico’s?

Hope someone asks Myles Garrett how the car crash felt.

Note out of the Marlins clubhouse: Richard Bleier is believed to be the first Jewish player to be called for 3 balks in one inning on Rosh Hashanah.

Did the famously tough NYC media grill Coach Saleh about his phone call from Trump? I thought as much.

Aloha means ‘goodbye’. Aloha, NFL Professional Bowl.

Good seats still available for the Tampa Bay Ray’s final visit to Fenway Park October 3rd-5th.

Stay safe, Floridan readers, friends & well-wishers.

Best bet for the weekend: Unfrozen tundra.

New England QB Mac Jones – Doubtful (franks and beans)

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sourcesBill James, BSMW poster Lebron, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Last night I held Aladdin’s lamp and so I wished that I could stay. Before the thing could answer me, well, someone came and took the lamp away.

And Happy Birthday to Oscar winner Mira Sorvino
(Photo by Ron Galella, Ltd./Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

From The 15 Vault – Happy Mo Lewis Day!

(From The15 Archives, originally published on this date in 2019.)

Not all heroes wear capes.

The Day Drew Almost Died

(Sung to the tune of Don McLean’s “American Pie.”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember how that QB used to make me smile.
And I thought if he had the chance,
That he could make Krafty Bob dance,
And maybe we’d be happy for a while.

But Parcells leaving made me shiver,
And Pete Carroll could not deliver.
Good news on the doorsteps;
Tom Brady would soon get more reps.

I can’t remember if I cheered,
When I read that his artery was sheared,
But I sure know that Coach Bill lied,
The day Drew almost died.

So bye bye cerebral statue guy.
Threw the passes to the D-line,
Or hit the corners in stride.
And Nick and Ron were drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing “Drew is such a nice classy guy”.
Drew is such a nice classy guy.

Does Drew even read his Book of Plays?
Then why’d he just pass it to the Tampa Bays,
If the Coach didn’t tell him so?
You don’t believe in gaining yards,
You can’t be saved by Parcells and Cafar…do.
And can you teach me how to move real slow?

Well, I know the media’s in love with him,
‘cause I saw one slurpin’ on his Jim,
He got down on his knees,
Man, I dig that dig-nity.

I was a lonely Globie in Foxboro,
With a speed-dial line to Tom Donohoe.
But I knew I had nowhere left to go,
The day Drew almost died.

I started singing,
Bye bye cerebral statue guy,
Threw the passes to the D-line,
Or hit the corners in stride.
And Nick and Ron were drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing “Drew is such a nice classy guy”.
Drew is such a nice classy guy.

Now for five years we been on our own,
Zeffross Moss grows fat, and we’ve had Michael Stone,
But that’s not how it used to be.
When the Statue took a nut crushing sack,
With skills he borrowed from Mike Tomczak,
And footwork that made him look, like a tree.

Oh, and while the Statue was on the turf,
Tommy led the Patriots rebirth.
The Drew era was adjourned,
No more picks would be returned,
And while Borges ripped the coach for Starks,
The QB moved to Orchard Park,
And we raised banners in the dark,
The day Bledsoe almost died…

We were singing,
Bye bye cerebral statue guy,
Threw the passes to the D-line,
Or hit the corners in stride.
And Nick and Ron were drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing “Drew is such a nice classy guy”.
Drew is such a nice classy guy.

Tall, strong slinger with a broken finger,
Passes not complete but they sure were zingers.
Six and two but falling fast.
Drew often ended up on the grass,
Whenever he tried for a forward pass.
With the jokes in the press box giving Coach such sass.

Now Mo Lewis’ hit was sweet perfume,
As the stench of Bledsoe’s failures loomed,
We all got up to dance,
As the new guy got a chance.
Oh, as Brady played with nerves of steel,
The Statue’s limits were soon revealed.
Six Banners now hang above the field,
Where Drew, he nearly died.

We started singing,
Bye bye cerebral statue guy,
Threw the passes to the D-line,
Or hit the corners in stride.
And Nick and Ron were drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing “Drew is such a nice classy guy”.
Drew is such a nice classy guy.

And there we were down in Foxboro,
A QB lookin’ oh so slow,
With another I-N-Teeeeeee.
Drew be nimble, Drew be sacked,
Mo nearly broke poor Drew’s back,
But he played with dignity-y-y.

Oh, and as I watched him dive off the stage,
Tameeka’s disks cost 1.2 mil to assuage.
Max Lane could not repel,
Made Reggie White fast as a gazelle.
And as the blames piled high into the night,
Couldn’t be Drew, he was alright,
I saw Borges laughing with delight,
The day Drew almost died.

He was singing,
Bye bye cerebral statue guy,
Threw the passes to the D-line,
Or hit the corners in stride.
And Nick and Ron were drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing “Drew is such a nice classy guy”.
Drew is such a nice classy guy.

I met a man who sang the blues,
And I asked him for some happy news,
But he just smiled and turned away.
I looked up that great box score,
Of the Minnesota game some years before,
But even then some said that Bledsoe couldn’t play.

And ar the Globe: the writers screamed,
Nutscrubbers cried, and Ron Borges schemed.
But not a word was spoken;
The AP feed was broken.
And the three men I admire true;
The Tuna, Don King and Cerebral Drew,
They caught the last train for Montana, too.
The day the Drew almost died.

And they were singing,
Bye bye cerebral statue guy,
Threw the passes to the D-line,
Or hit the corners in stride.
And Nick and Ron were drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing “Drew is such a nice classy guy”.
Drew is such a nice classy guy.

They were singing,
Bye bye cerebral statue guy,
Threw the passes to the D-line,
Or hit the corners in stride.
And Nick and Ron were drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing “Drew is such a nice classy guy”.
Drew is such a nice classy guy.

Copyright 2007 BSMW. Lyrics by Kevin, InThisTown, BOSsportsfan34, Smilin’ Joe Hesketh, Miserable Fellow, Marty Nopointe, Joe Dokes, UncleGizmo, and Ironhead.

09/21/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Zdeno. No Middle Name. Chára.

Thanks for the memories and for retiring as a Bruin, Big Z.

Plawecki DFA’d? The Sox season really ended that day. Although technically it did so several weeks back.

Local Media: “Steelers week two sure looks like a must-win game…” (Patriots win) “…well, that doesn’t count.”

The Celtics will be fine as long as no one else gets injured or needs surgery that will sideline them for 4-6 weeks.

Getting Aaron Judge out of his current pinstriped uniform might make him look less like a giant circus freak.

Nice dub, UMass Football. You too, Boston College.

To be fair, the Connecticut Sun really didn’t stand a chance against Becky Hammon’s giant basketball brain.

Ben Volin understands irony like Alanis Morissette did. Don’t you think?

Cakes are cooking for Stephen King, Artis Gilmore, Cecil Fielder, Maggie Grace, and John Kitna.

That Bucs-Saints game (had) me looking like woah woah what do we have here

Orange Line Update: All fix!

My robot vacuum disappeared under some piece of furniture a couple of weeks ago. I know it is out there somewhere, but I just don’t have the energy to organize a search for it.

You gotta love Portnoy calling Minihane a local show. Kirk took it in stride, like he does with all things.

Character Power Rankings after Episode One:

1. Warlaird Cor Trullblitz the Moosehearted – Where do his true loyalties lie?

2. Anona, Electress of Baverphlact – You go, girl!

3. The Royal Concoctioneer Deem ap Zeem – Hmm, where is this character arc going?

The Appalachian State radio guys apparently broke into some obscure holler dialect or started speaking in tongues.

To me network shows are the channels you can get with an antenna.

Never want to see the ambulance.

I’m kind of waiting to see something that tells me that Triston Casas is better than Bobby Dalbec. So far I haven’t really seen it. Anybody?

News Item: “The Phantom of the Opera” will close on Broadway after 35 years in February 2023.

I search the composting hashtag frequently.

Need a little time to wake up
Need a little time to wake up, wake up
Need a little time to wake up
Need a little time to rest your mind
You know you should so I guess you might as well….

What’s the story morning glory?
Well?

I’m not one to brag, but all three of my fantasy football teams won the past weekend. Huh? What? Yes; that is so brag-worthy!

you can critique Mac Jones all you want but you better do the same for your boy Justin fields cause if you don’t. We all know why

Is George Wendt in the new Fletch movie?

Here’s the thing; with apple picking: It’s about pie building, not about accumulating Granny Smiths.

You can’t re-ignite the donnybrook, former Coach Kangol.

RIP, Shelby Jordan.  His death means that John Hannah is the last survivor of the Pats’ great o-line of the Fairbanks Era: Gray, Lenkaitis, and Sam Adams Sr. all have died.

Aaron Judge is like having two 30-HR guys on the team, but only using one roster spot.

Honk if you remember LoJack.

My lawn? rebounding nicely, thank you.

Gunner Olszewski did a lot of muffing in New England too.

Notice the new Lucky logo at midcourt?

The Patriots are trading OT Justin Herron to the Raiders, per source.

Did Kayce Smith take anything to the face this weekend?

Calling Babe Ruth “a lazy fats tits” because he was overweight the second half of his career is also odd. Alejandro Kirk was was a MLB All Star (deservedly so) in 2022. Baseball players have always come in all shapes and sizes.

When do I get my The FBI’s/NCIS’s Incredible Crossover Event, CBS?

From the Azores to the Ashkenazi, it’s about the beautiful game, Danny.

Best bet for the weekend: Patriots holding Lamar. Demeatrice. Jackson. Jr. under 101 yards rushing.

Shut right the Hell up that this was ‘almost an interception’.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sourcesBill James, BSMW poster Canadian Soldier, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t leave me high. Don’t leave me dry.  

And Happy Birthday to country music superstar Faith Hill.

09/15/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Needs more logos, but you get it.

Your Resilient Red Sox only need to go 12-7 over the rest of the season to finish 81-81. That’s doable!

14 15 other NFL teams are also winless, caller. Buck up, lil camper.

Don’t let the Sun win tonight, Aces!

Unless they win out and get help from other squads, the Revolution will not be televised this MLS postseason.

Benching players isn’t a real thing, just like framing pitches.

Bernie Shaw dying the same day as the Queen is the ultimate Farrah Fawcett’ing.

Cakes are cooking for Pete Carroll, Tawny Little, Earnest Byner, DJ Kay Gee, Tom Hardy, Mike Dunleavy, Jr., and Wout van Aert.

A torn pectoral muscle on a Watt brother? Inconceivable!

Plymouth Rock does make Old Sturbridge Village look like Six Flags by comparison.

Owning a samurai sword is in a dead heat with having a face tattoo as the biggest red flag there is.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “How, but also hoe.”

Wake up the Echoes. No, really.

Starfucker Bob Kraft loves a Black man with a record more than Quincy Jones does.

News Item: Roger Federer announces his retirement from professional tennis.

Sell wetter ham in the grab-n-go case by the deli, Market Basket!

Jason Garrett brings as much life to an event like Bill Belichick does to a Christmas carol.

Volleyball stadium? They can’t use the basketball gym?

Blue Line: Delays of up to 15 minutes due to a maintenance train inspecting the overhead wires. Trains may be asked to stand by at stations.

Matt Patricia right now is still more successful than YOU, radio talking man. He is. He is!

Suzy Kolber always sounds like she’s smiling as she’s talking. That might sound strange – but I just love listening to her host.

Chargers CB JC Jackson, who is questionable for tonight, is recovering from surgery necessitated by Jackson being born with an extra bone in the back of his ankle, sources say. That extra bone was causing pain and inflammation, so the arthroscopic procedure was to remove it.

Sara Civian is a free agent.

Got to give some cred to Manny Machado, I think. I’ve never been a Machado Man, but he is now in his 11th major league season and has never had anything remotely resembling an off season. Not too many guys have ever done that.

Vincent D’Onofrio being Private Pyle, Edgar The Bug, and Kingpin is fucking throwing me for a loop.

Have a thicker TV.

Sue Bird is retired from the WNBA, but still plans on having more knee injuries.

It ain’t the way you move
It ain’t the way that you move me
Oh no
It ain’t the way you shake
It ain’t the way that you shake me
Oh no
I’ve lived 25 years
I’m a kid on the run
I got a pistol for action.

That toad Gary Washburn should stick to not knowing basketball.

I have also informed my bees the Queen has died.

Kirk should, he should do a, another true crime podcast, but this one, it would be about what killed WEEI!

Honk if you remember the CableACE Awards.

You should always order your chicken and waffles under an assumed name and not ‘gram the pic until later.

I can’t find any fun sized Three Musketeers bars anywhere; is there a nougat shortage too?

For those wondering, Skeets Quinlan played in 49 NFL games and finished his career with 258 carries for 1,514 yards and 9 TD rushing.

Is the Duke of Dorchester invited to the Queen’s funeral?

In 1994, Bulgaria had the only soccer team where all players last names ended in ‘OV’.

Best bet for the weekend: a real dark place/trap/must-win/rock fight/phone booth/ flu game at no-longer Heinz Field.

Okay toots. whatevs.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, Buckingham Palace, other writers, league and team sourcesBill James, The Bag Pod podcasters who choose to remain anonymous, BSMW poster NorwoodZip, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. God Save the King.

Bianca de Nîmes Garza.

09/08/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

“Where am I?” ‘Palm Beach Atlantic University.’

Did the NFL bring the 2022 Lombardi trophy to Los Angeles in case Buffalo leads at halftime?

I demand Gallinari go get a third opinion!!

The Patriots leaving early for Miami is proof they are desperate, caller.

You can’t buy the kind of good publicity you get by scheduling a secret basketball game to entertain inmates which then leaks to the public, as it would.

Xander Bogaerts. Fakest good season ever (non-Benintendi division).

Imagine being the greatest athlete in the history of professional sports and you still have a cvnt wife.

I don’t call LIV Golf ‘Liv; I call it ’54’. Thanks for visiting Boston, Our Friends The Saudis.

Lucy Burdge is doubtless sad about the news of Queen’s Elizabeth II’s health but will still tell you to bet the over on her making it through the weekend.

Cakes are cooking for Rogie Vachon, Aimee Mann, Greg Minor, P!nk, Alexandre Bilodeau, Arrelious Benn, Bruno Fernandes, and Shane Dylan.

By the way, “Magic Number Time” is also known as “football season.”

Probably a good thing dragons were extinct before insurance agencies started. The premiums for riding then would be outrageous.

Always when I’m in the car. Death, taxes and big NBA news when I’m driving!

Oh God, not another hacky Timothée Chalamet impression!

Every football player in the 1940’s was a Polack with a 3-letter first name.

There’s significance to Kenny Pickett being second, and not third, on the depth chart with the Steelers. Means he’ll dress on game day, and that the coaches feel comfortable with him as the guy they put in in a pinch.

If I’m living in Middle Earth I’m not going anywhere near a body of water.

How can Cam work in the produce department, yet be so unfamiliar with green salads?

So the Super Bowl winning teams gets to host the Kickoff Thursday Game? What a great tradition. It must date all the way back to 2020!

Hey gang of diva WR’s, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “silly cap dollars.”

News Item: Patriots traded Mason for a fifth-round pick earlier this offseason.

I can’t log on to my Instagram so I think it’s time to be dramatic and start planning funeral arrangements.

I wonder if Glenn Ordway has enough $ to buy WEEI from Audacy?

The EuroBasket ball looks like one that’s been on the playground for a year, but has that perfectly worn-in feel and comes off your hand just right.

Blue Line Update: Trains are returning to regularly scheduled service.

So the other fake stat creators also hate Tyler “Warren Sharp” Brickner? Good to know.

It always delights me when the Lone Gunmen show up in X-Files episodes.

Explaining to people all the clues that the Queen is actually dying – the kids are all going to Scotland! the BBC is in mourning dress! it’s actually Operation Unicorn because she’s at Balmoral! — like I’m breaking down an episode of House of the Dragon for my mom over here.

Is it called Mount Rainier because of all the rain over there?

I fall to pieces
Each time I see you again
I fall to pieces
How can I be just your friend?

You want me to act like we’ve never kissed
You want me to forget (to forget)
Pretend we’ve never met (never met)

And I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but I haven’t yet
You walk by, and I fall to pieces.

There is a reason why Matthew Stafford described himself as 100% heading into tonight. Following a PRP injection and a non-surgical procedure aimed at healing the elbow, Stafford has completed his 6-month rehab. He’s ready.

I too wish to remain comfortable and at Balmoral.

Yahoo says my fantasy draft grade is a C-?! Well I grade your grading ability a D- then!!

He is just a cornered animal fighting back.

Today is Star Trek Day. So honk if you remember Doctor Spock.

Using the same logic the mediots apply to who’s truly responsible for the Patriots’ success, I think I can safely conclude that Bill Belichick was the only thing keeping Tom and Gisele together.

Hot dogs and French fries are bad for your health? Naw you don’t say?

The final KJ and Dondero Show was broadcast on WEEI Sunday. Also, WEEI had broadcast something called the ‘KJ and Dondero Show’ prior to Sunday, apparently.

Stacey Dash is going to be heartbroken when she finds out about Bernard Shaw and David Arnold. In February. Of 2024. RIP.

So glad Eck was in the booth for Casas’ debut.

Did you ever want to, when in the canned vegetable aisle of the supermarket, just shout out ‘NIBLETS!!” at the top of your lungs? Well don’t; after that they will kindly but firmly ask you to leave.

The Florida humidity turned Jalen Mills’ hair green!

Congratulations on an enviably successful career Serena. Don’t screw it up by un-retiring, like some people do.

Best bet for the weekend: Prince Charles measuring the rooms for new drapes at Buckingham Palace.

A herd of Buffalo predictions. We’ll see.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, Buckingham Palace, other writers, league and team sourcesBill James, Bannerman General Ser Reisner, Audacy employees who choose to remain anonymous, BSMW poster Blinded by the Lombardis, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. God Save the Queen.

And HBD to Neko Case.

From The 15 Vault – The 2020 Labor Day Playlist

(Originally published September 5th, 2020)

Its ovah.

Dear BJBSJ Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is a musical playlist for your Labor Day Weekend enjoyment. Click HERE to download. Songs to enjoy as you stay six feet apart and, because you’ve been so good with following the rules, you can listen in any order. Suggestions for additional tracks are welcomed.

  • Watermelon – Mezerg
  • I’ll Drop Tears For Ya – Cancel Culture Club
  • This is Mitch Moreland – Gabby Guthrie
  • Dick Move – Chico and the Baseball Boys
  • Snoop TKO – Teddy Suyourass
  • 25 or 6 to 4 – TC and the Final Scores
  • Shipping Up to Hymietown – The Droptears McNultys
  • Silly Summer Tourney – Saldo Nova
  • Seatwarmer – Steve Roenicke and the Marked Men
  • Wide Right – The 3 Percenters
  • Good Rockin’ Tonight – Commander Sarandis and His Retractable Dome Air Patrol
  • The Mins Are Alt Right – The Whom
  • Mama Said Knock You Out – Team Simone
  • In the Year 2020 – Zager and Absolutely No Evan’s
  • Eight and Eight Here We Come – TJM and the Technicolor All-Stars
  • Dave’s Not Herr – Jewel (acoustic)
  • Do You Know the Way to BJBSJ? – The Massachusetts State Police Marching Band
  • Franzia Energy – The Dear Wifeys
  • There Is Nothin’ Like A Dame – Cast of South Pacific
  • Never Learn Not To Love – The Beach Boys
  • Working (From Home) Man – Power Ceiling
  • Love Theme to Untitled Gary Tanguay Project – Burt Bacharach
  • Qwite Fwankly – Qwiet Wiot
  • Happy Worker Song – Shigeyoshi Wholesome Entertainment and Vending Concern Song Group
  • Jeepin’ N Weepin’ – Drivin N Cryin
  • A Spoonful of Sugar – OBF and the 3 Livers
  • There’s One Good Sunday For Apple Picking, And This One Just Ain’t It – The Postermen
  • The Last Belt Notch Blues – The Quarantine Fifteen
  • Josie (Is Not the Name of This Song) – W.A. Brown
  • Stuck Truck Blues – Norton Adams & The State Collegians (Live)
  • Bellingham to Boston – The Seven Dollar Meatballs
  • Summer Dollars – Amity High School Concert Band
  • We Will Follow You Into the Dark – Deathcab for Kirkie
  • The Boys of Summer –Tru C Royle
  • BHP – Brie2Brie (with Fun Uncle Carlos)
  • Bass Rocks – Willie Alexander
  • On Top of Spaghetti – Pasta & The Good Kids
  • Paddle Board (live w/ monologue) – Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band
  • Family Emergency – Bubble Poppin’ Tuukkas
  • We Gefilte This City – Starrship
  • I Hope You Weren’t Driving Also – Regular Brian and the Granite State Finger-Wags
  • Sweater Girl Weather – Pneumatic Uzbeks
  • Shock Jock Talk – Royal Jen & The Planning Board
  • B-hole Pics – Asstec Camera
  • Killing Him Softly With My Picks/ Bill the GM
  • Cause I’m Black Y’all – Elle D
  • Summertime – UnderLemon: A Tribute to Badfish (with Splenda Rae)
  • (I May) Lie Down Again – The Dear Wifeys
  • Ratted and Shunned – Dave Brown and His Band of Renown
  • Night Scratching – R.E.M.D.A.W.G.
  • No Money No Problems – The Rabbi’s Daughter
  • It’s Designed to Break Your Heart – Lady BoSox and the Little Green Monsters
  • Storm Window SZN – The Hot Stovers

The 2022 Labor Day Weekend Playlist

Nobody on the Road. Nobody on the beach.

(Dear The15net dot com Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is the return of the musical playlist for your Labor Day enjoyment. Songs of Summer ending, songs of Autumnal beginnings. And songs about work. Now during even numbered years, apparently. Click HERE to download.)

Baby Come Back – Fat Charlotte

Beautiful Texas Sunshine – Poachable Spurs

SIDEBAR (Nubian a Nuisance remix) – Dart Adams

I Tout le Mond – Ugly Kid Gas

Sometimes Dead is Better – The Hillside Road Vipers

This Land Is My Land, This Land Is My Land – Arlo Shukrie

Climate Grief Blues – Imposter

Visualization Of The Space Mind Gargamel Part XVIII: Lighthouse Dust Medallion – Dero Spedes

There Ain’t No Money in Wood – Alarmingly Big Little Peters

Mayor Wu – Steely Dan

You Try Quitting Quiet I Will Fire You Loud You Dumb Son Of A Bitch – Tiger Mike

Atlantic City – Chiggsy & The Referbs

Shukri in the Sky and Whatnot – The Bullgangers

Everybody’s Working For the Weekend (except me because I don’t get consecutive days off) – Josh and the Jelly Sticks

September Morn – GG Allin

SZNs of Twitter – Aerosmith featuring Spike King

This Is the Time – Olivia Rodrigo

The Loneliness of a Long Distance Drinker – The Popes!

Mama was a Wheelman – Ye-Ho Shua

Take The Over And Shove It (wherever you want) – BetQL Paycheck

Safety Dance – Men Without Coordinators

He Touched Me, Pete – The Braintree Catholic Boys School Choir

Unreal – CLN&S

I Write the Songs, Kevin – Bert Bellson

Turtleboy Rocks – Vernelton John

You’re So Vain (When did I say this song is about you, Mike?) – Carly Simonize

Return of The Mac – Hopes & Dreams

Concrete Workers of the World, Unite! – Comrade Callahan

This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) – Ace

We Need Real Rain For This Fake Drought – Ron Muskmelon Catamount

Secret Giants Fan – Shukri Rivers

iono – Lil Lul Lol

I Walk The Orange Line – Charlie Card

Christmas In September – Mose Allston

Mr. Mine Owner (Just Let ‘im Decide) – Bruce Springsteen – Old Goofball Board Sessions

1 to 9 – Dolly Marton

Another Employee Bites the Dust – Freddie Kirkury

September – Earthwind Moreland

Pumpkin Spice Girls – Gord Marley and the Whalers

Won’t Get Fooled Again – The Valuencers

No Sleep Till Brookline – Big Shuk and the Carpetbaggers

G2 Blues – Elvis Berkley

Lucy and the Cry With Overs – The Bad Beatles with Turtle Turtle

Hang On Snoopy – Libations?

The Clown/Did I Say to Take the Money and Run? – Stever Mille Band

Tall Trees in Georgia – Buffy Sainte-Merrimack

Narcos (bass clef remix) – Tammy Tuba (with Trombone Shorty and Barry Tone)

(Have a song suggestion? Or a compliment? Leave it in the comments! Enjoy!)

08/31/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Visionary Linda’s Fenway Rooftop Gardens got nothing on Linda’s Revamped Frontyard.

I. Declare. AUDACYRUPTCY!!

Or perhaps not. Someone should ask that blogger if ‘David Field’ sounded suspiciously like ‘Don Yee.’

Just a meniscus tear for Danilo Gallinari. Celtics fans dodged a bullet, unlike Brian Robinson Jr. Get well both of you.

4 PM Saturday games in the summer are elite. Go to a game, go out for drinks/dinner on a rooftop or in the North End, grab some gelato (shop staffing permitting), watch the sunset, thrive.

Karrie Archibald notifies me her dad is alive and well… And thanks everybody for their concern…

Andrew Callahan looks like an extra from a Nugenix commercial.

Revs are currently in the wrong bunch of seven squads. Could use a W or three in their upcoming September matches.

Sun versus Sky? Sounds like a fable, or native lore.

Scott Zolak could stand in the middle of a North Attleboro industrial park and shoot someone and he wouldn’t lose any of his fans. It’s incredible.

Cakes are cooking for Richard Gere, Gina Schock, Jeff Frye, Jennifer Azzi, Debbie Gibson, Pádraig Harrington, Jeff Hardy, Ted Ligety, Mohammad bin Salman, and Chuck the Tuxedo Cat.

Just turned on the U.S. Open. What happened to Tsitsipas?

Carolina has been in the market for offensive weapons. Jax was open to dealing Laviska Shenault. A perfect match.

When folks say Michael Jordan is their favorite athlete, it’s such a boring and lazy answer. Gimme something different man.

Just watch the Luke Bryan documentary like your wife is forcing you to do like a normal person.

Out: Cry. In: Cope.

Tom Brady was definitely healing a new face during his 11-day absence from Bucs camp.

Paul Perillo’s career now consists of appearing on TV three times a year in front of a dancing claymation Bob’s Discount Furniture guy.

Ciao, gang! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I saw bones come out I hope nothing serious but I fear the worst.”

Peter Vescey is an asshole.

It occurred to me that “hippie” and “hipster” are similar words, yet hippies and hipsters are different – I think about things like this – and now I’ll go back to thinking about the circumference of the earth and the depth of the Mariana Trench, also things I think about.

MBTA Red Line Update: Your train is stopped one stop away.

I don’t know about this Saudi golf business, but were we still all mad at the Krauts and Japs in 1962?

Pro tip: Sackface Andelman is the one that looks like a ballsack.

Out of all the chips in the world, BBQ chips are my favorite. Cool Ranch Doritos probably 2nd tho.

Death by misadventure usually ends in a retired number.

I’ll take Tom Curran seriously when he stops using his middle initial unnecessarily.

Can’t wait to count the empty seats at Vito Stellino’s funeral.

News Item: Juliette Binoche: ‘I loved two men at once’. (Diedrich Bader as Lawrence in Office Space GIF)

I follow the Moskva
Down to Gorky Park
Listening to the wind of change.

An August summer night
Soldiers passing by
Listening to the wind of change.

The world is closing in
Did you ever think
That we could be so close, like brothers.

The future’s in the air
Can feel it everywhere
I’m blowing with the wind of change.

If there are curmudgeons, why aren’t there catmudgeons and birdmudgeons and goatmudgeons?  Just imudgeon it. . . Honk if you remember Danny Almonte.

Like Kellen Mond more. You can’t!

Cats get so much happier after you feed them.

First Len Dawson now Ernie Zampese, the tobacco industry can’t survive that kind of hit! Watch your back, Jim Leyland, is all I’m sayin’.

Think that Rory McIlroy is a little bit good at golf?

I want to do stuff to Katie.

It might not be the Red Sox’s year.

The music of Yung Gravy is very helpful in these trying times.

Halloween candy in supermarket displays in August? I’ll retire to Bedlam.

It’s a low bar, but Chad Graff is already better than Matt Fairburn.

Best bet for the weekend: people thinking aloud that Monday feels like a Sunday.

Weep, you honks and bobos. (Graphic courtesy of that huge loser Mark Danels)
Fine. Here’s your Bianca de la Garza fix for the long weekend.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sourcesBill James, Audacy employees who choose to remain anonymous, BSMW posters Hacksaw, Laszlo Panaflex, and Lebron, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. In the still of the night I hear the wolf howl, honey, sniffing around your door. In the still of the night I feel my heart beating heavy, telling me I gotta have more.

Welcome Back Students!

Welcome back to all the college and university students! And a particular welcome to our new crop of student interns here at The15, both in the Greater Boston area and elsewhere:

Emily O. Anderson – ’25 University of Massachusetts – Boston

George H. Babip – ‘ 24 Boston University

Matthew F. X. Breuer – ’24 Emerson College

Evie Dzodocz – ’25 Liberty University

Sheherizade Fedayan – ’24 Emerson College

Madison Emily Gardiner – ’24 Framingham State University

Joshua Kaliszewski – ’23 Bunker Hill Community College

Lisa A. Pudlo – ’24 University of Massachusetts – Lowell

Beatriz Emily Santos – ’26 Northeastern University

Aoife Emma Sgringoli – ’24 Boston University

Michael Skellig Jr. – ’25 Northeastern University

Japheth Snell – ’24 Bob Jones University

Bohdan Tafka – ’23 Connecticut School of Broadcasting

Lawrence L. Trullbrooke – ’25 Boston College

Kyle Verdoux – ’23 Community College of Rhode Island

We hope to learn as much from you, as you do from us. Remember: Knowledge Is Good.

(Appearance of actual interns may vary.)

08/24/22 Sports in The Junk Drawer Column

Rail Replacement – I’m a Train Choo Choo
Them Brits know how to handle institutional decline.

So of course, the thing most likely to result in horrid shit takes happens. Twice. Going great!

Yes, that could be either the Pats or the Sox.

Skinny bones should heal quicker, right?

I would love to go to an oceanfront resort that put a big living room on the beach.

Devers: he’s the same age as the Little Leaguers! Get it? Get it??

If a rap show happens in New England and you don’t see Dart, did it really happen?

Two cheers for WEEI for the Jimmy Fund Radiothon thing.

Cakes are cooking for Vince McMahon, Mike Shanahan, Cal Ripkin Jr, Dana Gould, Marlee Matlin, Dave Chappelle, and Arian Foster.

Is Kayce going to wear white for the wedding? What, it’s a valid question!

I am really, really, extra really glad that Bill Lee is OK, but, Jesus, having a heart attack in the bullpen while warming up to enter a professional baseball game at age 75 would have been the most poetic exit of all time.

Mike McDaniel has proven noted genealogist Chuck D’s “Fear of a Black Planet” thesis to be incorrect.

Never had too much Crown Royal. Not a big fan. Just give me a Budweiser and I’m happy.

What color stripe on the American flag do tow truck drivers get?

Fitchburg Line Train 416 (12:25 pm from Wachusett) is operating 5-15 minutes behind schedule between Shirley and North Station.

Hey gang of Brooklynite hoopster hipsters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “we have agreed to move forward with our partnership.”

Beyonce loves making spaghetti and sandwiches. She could feed me virtually anything and I’d be happy.

I’m travelin’ down that lonesome road
Feel like I’m draggin’ a heavy load
Yeah, I’ve tried to turn my head away
Feel ’bout the same most every day

(You know what I’m talkin’ about, baby)

You’re in a car, what’s the worst that can happen if you try to drive through that flooded underpass? Go for it.

Do you have a tan plan?

All the farmers and ranchers are selling their herds! Tomatoes won’t be grown anymore! California will have a megadrought AND a megaflood! The UN warns of nuclear annihilation! Covid! Monkeypox! Polio!

We lost Lul Pab?

I love when Laura Rutledge is covering football no matter what. I don’t care if it’s just a preseason game. Keep shining Laura- people notice.

MBTA Orange Line Update: Nope.

Why is raw bacon always cut longer than the width of your largest frying pan?

Let me translate: “He won 17 games 3 years in a row for the Sox. Awful person. Sucks. No moment of silence. Go Orioles.”

Late August at noontime is perfect sweatshirt weather.

Another lost practice for YOUR Patriots. Sad.

Best part of the season, where Dave O’Brien awkwardly chats with people who are dying.

Honk if you remember the Hellenic Flu.

I called someone a psychopath for a minimally weird thing yesterday and my wife was like “do they sit on the deck and look up where every plane that passes overhead is going?” and I thought maybe she had a point.

Jim? Jimbo? Jimmy? Jom?

Using hot dogs as straws? This is why the terrorists and Peter King hate us.

On subject, do you think Doug Kyed has a thigh tattoo of that ‘we’re all trying to find out who did this’ guy in the hot dog suit?

It started out in neon lights and then all got dark.

I’ve seen more Josh McDaniels praise this week than I did during all his time in new England.

Historically, some starting pitchers with less than 200 wins HAVE made the Hall of Fame, including Jack Chesbro (198), Dazzy Vance (197), Ed Walsh (195), Rube Waddell (193), Lefty Gomez (189), Sandy Koufax (165), Addie Joss (160) and Dizzy Dean (150).

Christian Kirk caught 5 passes from Trevor Lawrence in the Jaguars’ last preseason game and is a value play later in your drafts.

Don’t think we didn’t notice the Jujyfruits are now smaller, Heide Candy Company.

PGA Tour Championship starts Thursday. Who do you like?

Best bet for the weekend: having a tan plan.

Overwater Cabana SZN.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Old Friend howzie, Josh Marion (stick tap to TapeGrindah for convincing me Josh was on the level, babe), Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. One Step Beyond!!

And HBD to singer Perri ‘Pebbles’ Reid.
There are respectful. ways to memorialize Len Dawson. That ain’t it, Chief.
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