Category Archives: The Sports Junk Drawer

05/06/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Of course.

The show that was terrible on WZLX isn’t better on a worse station? Huh.

I’m just saying it’s awfully suspicious that Spirit Airlines went under right before every other sports fan in Boston was ready to drive Jaylen to the airport.

The Toronto Maple Leafs are lucky like Whitey Bulger when it comes to the Draft lottery.

Sports is supposed to be enjoyable but often sports is not.

Where’s the second longest bar in Worcester?

Ted Johnson wearing glasses makes me laugh every time.

Cakes are cooking for Masanori Murakami, Bob Seger, Jimmie Dale Gilmour, Mary MacGregor, David Leestma, Lynn Whitfield, Tony Blair, Tom Bergeron, Tim Simpson, Kate Collins, Julianne Phillips, George Clooney, Roma Downey, Mark Bryan, Martin Brodeur, Brooke Bennett, Edyta Sliwinska, Jason Witten, Adrianne Palicki, Gabourey Sidibe, Chris Paul, Emily Armstrong, Goran Dragić, Meek Mill, Dominika Cibulková, Jose Altuve, Naomi Scott, and Angel Reese.

I didn’t see the exit interview, did Jaylen say something pseudointellectual and glib?

The divorced whore table at the Knights was particularly aggressive the other night. I was focused on the game.

Hey, at least we don’t have to deal with any more stupid streaming-only Celtics playoff games this year.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I love that for them.”

Red Sox with a modest win streak?

Congratulations Stefon Diggs on your courtroom victory. Also; plan on being bankrupt about 5 minutes after retiring.

Green Line C Branch: May 6-17

Shuttle Buses replace service between Cleveland Circle & Kenmore for maintenance. Shuttles will not service Saint Mary’s Street, Kent Street, or Brandon Hall. Riders at Cleveland Circle can use the D Branch at Reservoir.

Does anyone in the world buy the middle tier of gasoline between unleaded and premium? Who is it for?

John Sterling. In life all good things come to an end, Suzyn. Like his shoehorning a Bambino-esque nickname for every Yankee player. RIP.

I stopped following Amaka Ubaka on Facebook tonight.

Divisive denim trend Szn!

Imagine being forced to scrub the floors while Bart Simpson menacingly informs you that your thetans are out of whack.

Punching Austin Reeves should be mandatory.

CVS needs to cool it with the text messages. I’ll pick up my prescriptions when I damn well please.

Buy gayer grass seed.

The Met Gala? Three Gobbles.

I would have watched Jaylen review tape on Twitch but, you know, I don’t have a gaming chair.

I woke last night to the sound of thunder
How far off I sat and wondered?
Started hummin’ a song from 1962
Ain’t it funny how the night moves?

When you just don’t seem to have as much to lose
Strange how the night moves
With autumn closin’ in…

Honk if you remember when Pinkberry was at the Prudential.

I heard Spurs-Timberwolves Game 2 can only be seen with a View-Master.

A power strip is what everything plugs into. Electricity.

Robert Edward Turner III. He’s why everyone grew up watching the Atlanta Braves on the SuperStation TBS. RIP.

I’m sure Kevin Durant won’t poison the next team he ends up with.

Best bet for the weekend: Cosplay Canadians in Buffalo outplay the genuine Canadiens.

Soon.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Night Moves.

Of course Bianca is sad that the Bruins and Celtics playoffs are over, but she’s smiling her way through it.

04/29/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Not a lot going on in the local sports scene, eh gang? Heh heh heh.
(And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that Dale has a new book available for preorder.)

Maybe the reason the Red Sox have been so bad that last few years is because Alex Cora loves his wife and family too much to cheat.

Mut breaking news about guys losing their shitty radio gigs is too much irony to handle.

Why do you hate barely comprehensible tie-in marketing campaigns?

Firing Alex Cora and his staff hours after a 17-1 win didn’t telegraph that the move was planned before the weekend. At all.

Robert Kraft has never thought of addressing a problem in a non-billionaire way.

It’s ok to not be ok with a player who sucks.

Wel, the good news is that the Celtics can only lose one more home playoff game this round. That’s also the bad news.

Bostonians haven’t been fucked over by an Italian like this since Charles Ponzi.

Bad night saved from being worse night by Good Kid.

Cakes are cooking for Willie Nelson, Luis Aparicio, Klaus Voormann, Vini Poncia, Duane Allen, Richard Kline, Johnny Miller, Reb Brown, Rick Burleson, Nora Dunn, Jerry Seinfeld, Kate Mulgrew, Daniel Day-Lewis, Mark Kendall, Eve Plumb, Michelle Pfieffer, Roger Eno, Phil King, Mike Babcock, Master P, Browning Nagle, Carnie Wilson, Andre Agassi, China Forbes, Uma Thurman, Mike Hogan, Rafael Betancourt, God Shammgod, David Lee, and Justin Thomas.

Missing Day 3 of the draft is total performative bullshit to satiate the fishwives. There’s no real reason “counseling” has to happen this weekend. The Kraft’s get to position themselves as champions of family. Bill would never.

I’m sure Dianna’s colleagues in the media had no idea this was happening.

Red Line Reminder: Sat, May 2 – Mon, May 4 Shuttle buses replace service between Broadway & Quincy Center for signal work. Ashmont trains will operate from JFK/UMass. Commuter rail will be fare-free between South Station & Braintree.

So they’re not keeping Varitek on as “Special Assistant for Calling Four No-Hitters”, or whatever?

Hey gang of cutsies! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Who gets sensi over warmies??”

Did WEEI err in canning Fitzy and Hart during such an exciting news week? (short pause) No.

Vrabes may be saved only by Kraft wanting to avoid the optics of a franchise in turmoil having their 4th head coach in as many years.

Remember when Simmons said fuck in an HBO commercial that one time? He was so proud of himself.

I’ll try to be polite. You are waaaay out of your league, and I suggest you cease embarrassing yourself in public by flouting your basketball ignorance.

Say, will Bendetson receive a retroactive Pulitzer Prize? Ryder could hand deliver it.

Sh!t Unfunny Fired WEEI Guys Say:
‘What do you mean Sarge has my old job at Gillette Stadium?’
‘Do you think there are any ‘Teddy Twenties’ left anywhere?’
‘No, they didn’t forget to add the Providence numbers to the overall ratings.’

Imagine the size of the blue pin that Vrabel is gonna have to wear next year. Fucking thing’s gonna be bigger than a frisbee.

Ted and the Retreads? That should be the show title.

Really impressive that Henry could seize the Mr. Burns energy so decisively from Jacobs.

Well what was Vrabes supposed to do when Dianna showed up and started rubbing her big fakies up against him? Say no? And possibly hurt her feelings?!

Kelly Oubre ever figure out who hit him in the crosswalk?

I mean this with the straightest face I can say it with, but it feels like the days of the “NFL insider” are dying. Major W for local reporters.

Nick Nurse trying too hard to be Drew Carey.

Hopefully they’re counseling Vrabel on how to find hotter chicks.

You can do a lot worse for lunch than Roma tomatoes, cucumbers, avocado and a vinaigrette of your choice.

Crazy
I’m crazy for feelin’ so lonely
I’m crazy
Crazy for feelin’ so blue
I knew
You’d love me as long as you wanted
And then someday
You’d leave me for somebody new
Worry
Why do I let myself worry
Wonderin’
What in the world did i do
I’m crazy
For thinkin’ that my love would hold you
I’m crazy for tryin’, and crazy for cryin’
And I’m crazy for lovin’ you.

Imagine the most stressful part of your day was the dream you had the night before?

The other station’s afternoon drive actively roots against the local teams and trolls their audience, yet WEEI still can’t manage to put a replacement level show against it to compete with. The incompetence is impressive.

Christina Erne’s huge dress distracted me from her lies about the lack of rain this spring.

Honk if you remember Roger Clemens striking out 20 Seattle Mariners on this day in 1986.

Broads don’t want solutions, they want sympathy.

Millennial basketball “experts” need to know some good basketball was played in the 20th century.

Aloha means ‘goodbye’. Aloha, Chris Simms.

Russini loses her job while Peter Schrager proudly wears knee pads over his dress sackss to orally service any member of the McVay coaching tree.

If the Red Sox win the World Series does Alex Cora get a ring?

NBA ROY Cooper Flagg.

That Spotify playlist could have used some Muskmelon.

The sports news from the last two weeks made me sad all over again that we lost Larry Johnson. Think of the incomprehensible cartoons!

Best bet for the weekend: No game seven in the Playoffs, but a forced game seven in the Playoff.

Swan Boats are finally open for the season. But do they presage Duck Boats?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Mammas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys.

And happy birthday to Aussie actress Katherine Langford.

04/15/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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They were both in town on business! The NFL Combine! Nothing to see here!

News Item: Dianna Russini resigns. But don’t worry, I’m sure she will land on her knees.

Another 100-point season for the Good Kid?

Media people beat their chests all the time about their importance and their standards, but not so fun actually having to be held to them.

Friends drive two hours to hold hands. Let’s move on.

So were fans telling Jarren Duran to kill himself a few years ago when he was regularly freaking out at them well before the very believable suicide story was even aired?

It’s another victory for Belichick and total disdain for all media.

Getting fired the same month you found out you were elected to the hall of fame as a coach is the most Doc Rivers thing ever.

Dickie V is more cancer than man at this point.

Damar Hamlin’s clone should have put the green jacket on Rory.

Cakes are coking for Marty Wilde, Dave Edmunds, Ted Sizemore, DeDe Lind, Linda Bloodworth-Thomason, Emma Thompson, Kevin Lowe, Thomas F. Wilson, Lynne Austin, Kevin Stevens, Linda Perry, Samantha Fox, Dara Torres, Ed O’Brien, Stacey Williams, Phillippi Sparks, Andy Daly, Vickie Johnson, Sergei Krivokrasov, Chris Stapleton, Patrick Carney, Seth Rogen, Margo Price, Antonio Cromartie, Emma Watson, Maisie Williams, Sexyy Red, and Jordon Chiles.

Vrabel will now have to interlock fingers with Karen Guregian the next time he sees her.

Your nickname including ‘Big’ when you work for Barstool doesn’t seem to be a useful differentiator.

Bruins fandom is just ruined by a bunch of fucking losers who think it’s a damn TV show. They’d rather watch Behind the B than pay attention to the actual fucking game.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “We’re in the WNBA free agent blender, folks.”

Imagine being those editors at The Athletic tasked with the investigation? For the first time ever, you actually want to see some cvnty broad from work’s group photos from vacation with her girlfriends.

Imagine how good Garza would be if he had Scheierman’s haircut

Shameless mumbling company man Lou is wildly overestimating the reservoir of goodwill he built up being Nomar’s butler.

Knicks play a very entitled game for a team that has won jack shit. and Towns is 7’2″ 325 lbs and also somehow the softest player in the league.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

Blue Line: Delays of about 15 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

So there’s now an opening at Barstool for a 500 pound fake gambling expert? we know one who needs a gig!

Russini has burn victim lips.

The WNBA super max being $1.4 million is objectively hilarious. I remember when McHale wanted a million dollars and on the top of the Globe Sunday sports page Larry Johnson drew a picture of him as a pig eating a trough full of money.

Whether its to Nairobi or Nineveh or Nashua, the yen to travel exists in all of us.

Forsberg now has a mullet?

It’s really sad, but this whole unseemly affair makes me skeptical of the true motives of the women in thigh-high boots who interview the tall athletes on TV. I think I’m gonna have to call out of work to regroup here.

Jeff Passan’s face is unsettling. He looks like if Cillian Murphy got stung by bees.

Anyone ever heard of Whitey Ford?

There are Jawas who have less bot engagement than Bob Ryan.

Bobby Manning talks like he mainlines Thorazine.

I keep seeing these brutally embarrassing Russini clips and one question comes to mind: did she ever actually report anything?

Bring back the blue Red Sox road alternates.

Buckle up, the playoffs means it’s peak performative szn.

It’s so seamless switching between the Amazon Prime app and the NESN 360 app!

When I’m sitting on the basement toilet, why does my wife always have to come downstairs and “do something” — every single time?

This Vrabel story unfortunately overshadowed the Red Sox’ first series win of the season.

If you didn’t like Justin Bieber’s Coachella set, just say you simply don’t get it. It was an intimate masterpiece that could only work for 1% of musicians (if that). Bravo, Justin Bieber and welcome back Kidrauhl.

I haven’t seen an Italian get cooked like this since Sacco & Vanzetti.

Will Smith thinks Dianna’s husband is too deeply into the cuckold lifestyle.

Cancer is clearly mad at Dick Vitale for all that fundraising.

the omnipresent Rich Hill going to end up in the Red Sox bullpen in late August.

Airports reveal character. And it’s always someone in an Eagles shirt.

And so I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed
Just to get it all out, what’s in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar
And so, I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs, “What’s going on?”

And I say, hey-ey-ey, hey-ey-ey
I said, “Hey, a-what’s going on?”
And I say, hey-ey-ey, hey-ey-ey
I said, “Hey, a-what’s going on?”

Poor Di Russini loses her job while Peter Schrager proudly wears knee pads over his dress pants to orally service any member of the McVay coaching tree.

Honk if you remember Post Offices being open until midnight on Tax Deadline Day.

If my daughter tells me she wants to “work in sports,” I’m trebucheting her to a convent.

BJBSJ getting Kacsmar canceled saved him from going down with the Football Outsiders ship eleven years later! You’re welcome.

Can’t wait to see the team chemistry when Fudd and Bueckers break up.

I always keep my bottle of Frank’s Red Hot next to the DayQuil.

Bruins 7th Player Award-Minten is fine, I guess, but how is it not Aspirot?

I don’t think you can canoodle innocently.

Shams Charania is fucking Cathy Engelbert. Everybody know it and nobody says anything about it.

I aspire to have the job security of Aaron Boone and Alex Cora.

Best bet for the weekend: Marathon prep.

Less than ideal.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, @PatriotsDaily, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Standard deduction.

This is Ashley Nicole Moss, she has a journalism degree and graduated Magna Cum Laude … so what are we talking about?

04/08/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Probably nothing.

Best friends hold hands all the time. What’s the problem?

You can’t win them every year, UConn. That goes for the men as well as the women.

Red Sox are AIDSier than that lesion on Cora’s face.

This year’s Celtics broad cast was better than the one last year, I guess.

I assure you, there are still white people at Fenway.

Geekie off the schnied. The rest of the Black & Gold? eh.

I think the powers that be have drastically overestimated people’s desire for more Kelce family content.

First they say Bill is too hostile to the media. Now this. Make up your mind, people.

Cakes are coking for Stuart Pankin, Tim Thomerson, Steve Howe, Jim Lampley, Mel Schacher, Adam Woods, Barbara Kingsolver, Kane Hodder, Fred Smerlas, John Schneider, Izzy Stradlin, Julian Lennon, Terry Porter, Lisa Guerrero, Robin Wright, Patricia Arquette, Alex Gonzalez, Emma Caulfield, Jeremy Guthrie, Taylor Kitsch, Gennady Golovkin, Ezra Koenig, Félix Hernández, Matthew Healy, CeeDee Lamb, and Isaac Hempstead Wright.

Yeah, let’s get NFL-like catch rules for baseball. That’ll go great. ‘You have to make a baseball move after you catch it.’

Courtney Love looks absolutely nothing like Courtney Love.

It was a magnanimous gesture for Geno to offer that insincere apology.

Anthony Lopopolo is JK Rowling character levels of hilarious. Why not just name him ‘Vowels Spaghettini?’

Hey gang of reply guys, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I was disappointed that you were joking, then I clicked the probable spam and was disappointed you were telling the truth.”

Will Flemming should be shot into the sun for promising me smiles.

Lakers fans complaining about Luka and Reaves being injured, try dealing with consecutive first round picks DYING and get back to me.

Maybe Mike Vrabel is just an affectionate greeter?

LMAO at Barkley pretending he pays attention to women’s basketball.

Bodhisattva, would you take me by the hand?

Word of advice, if you have bipolar or another mental illness, don’t jack up your credit cards when in a mania or in a depression…use cash! Interest is a nasty mofo.

Drew Carter is morphing into Chris Forsberg.

Remember, weakness is just pain leaving the body.

The Section 10 podcast has been dropped by more platforms than Katie Nolan.

Don’t worry, guys, I’m sure Mike Reiss will hold Coach Vrabes accountable.

“Portuguese pulled pork” is what Sal calls a handjob.

The Michigan guys look taller because their numbers are so small and set high.

Flavor Flav passing Snoop as our most Reddit-coded rapper.

Dianna’s not perverted; she’s just Italian.

I will remember you
Your silhouette will charge the view
Of distant atmosphere
Call it morning driving through the sound
And even in the valley.

In and around the lake
Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there
One mile over we’ll be there and we’ll see you
Ten true summers we’ll be there and laughing, too
24 before my love you’ll see I’ll be there with you.

I look forward to Chuck Klosterman’s next book where he writes about “How the Challenger Explosion Explains the ABS Era.”

Your insole size is the same as your shoe size.

Sir Paul McCartney doesn’t get enough credit for the “Spies Like Us’ song.

Puka is going to Nazi rehab?

Honk if you remember David Copperfield making the Statue of Liberty disappear.

Triston. Not #owning.

Vrabes will now have to interlock fingers with Karen Guregian the next time he sees her. All fix!

Whether it’s a hotel in Chicago on the Artemis II spacecraft, breaking the toilet will make you feel like a numrod.

Blink and you missed it, but Don Orsillo was back in town during the series against the Padres!

Jerry Thornton is really scared he’s going to join his brothers in hell.

CVS not immediately offering the Easter candy at 50% off is a breach of the unwrittens.

A little hand-holding is all Peter King ever really wanted.

Congratulations, Steve Burton.

Cooper Flagg is just unbelievable.

Best bet for the weekend: it coming down to the final hole on the last day at Augusta National.

Deleted. But the foreverality of the interwebs and things like that.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Old Friends Hacksaw and Miserable Fellow, @PatriotsDaily, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Perfect for entertaining, or just snacking.

And happy birthday to actress Kirsten Storms.

04/01/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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It’s still Spring Training for the NESN Graphics Department.

There’s nothing wrong with our Sox that can’t be fixed by a few games at America’s Most Beloved Ballpark.

Ah. That’s how Tiger’s hitting ’em.

Mut pretending that reaction video was live is hilarious. Have you ever yelled “Trap, Trap!” at a TV screen?

I like NESN’s new score bug.

Duke fans watching the final seconds of that game must have felt a level of horror usually reserved for a manned spaceflight disaster.

If you think about it, every night should be Women In Sports Night.

Can you really get fired from a job when you worked three hours a week?

The creator of Severance definitely got the idea after listening to his wife recap her workday for two hours a night.

Will Italy take part in the Soccer NIT?

Cakes are cooking for Ali MacGraw, Robin Scott, Simon Crow, Billy Currie, Annette O’Toole, Barry Sonnenfeld, Mark White, Scott Stevens, Jumbo Elliott, Mark Jackson, Mike McCoy, Richard Christy, Magdalena Maleeva, David Gilliland, Jon Gosselin, Tangela Smith, Jean-Pierre Dumont, Bijou Phillips, Randy Orton, Hillary Scott, Mackenzie Davis, Brook Lopez, Logan Paul, and Álex Palou.

WTF happened to Lenny Dinardo? Vernon used to think he was dreamy, now he looks like an evil head of security for a nefarious corporation on a TV show.

Is there a media outlet that Andrew Raycroft doesn’t work for?

Colonoscopy went great. No polyps and don’t have to get another one for 10 years.

Just know people are staring at my weird-ass tan line at the gym right now.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “He’s without shame or competence.”

Ullmark with five goals against in the first after being mentally “unavailable” in the last game, but Sweeney got robbed getting Letourneau, Kastelic and Korpisalo with salary retained.

Every Grant Hill comment sounds like a generic sound bite in a video game.

Cassidy out, Torts in? Weird.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to an earlier signal problem at State.

Kid pulled up from the Lincoln Memorial. What a friggin’ shot!

Congratulations to Chris Boomer Berman on being named to the Disney Legends. I first met him watching Red Sox Batting Practice back in the late 80’s.

NBC does sports broadcasting the best and it isn’t even close.

Project Hail Mary renewed my faith in movies. And not just because Gosling’s character is Ryland Grace and his ship is Hail Mary. So it’s literally “Hail Mary, full of Grace.”

Why are there people clamoring to hear a Jared Carrabis podcast?

It’s not in the words that you told me, girl
It’s not in the way you say you’re mine
It’s not in the way that you came back to me
It’s not in the way that your love set me free
It’s not in the way you look or the things that you say that you do

Hold the line
Love isn’t always on time, whoa-whoa-whoa
Hold the line
Love isn’t always on time, whoa-whoa-whoa.

Is Perdue basketball legally obligated to have an ogre on their team every year?

UConn hero Braylon Mullins looks like someone who lied about being older than they are just so they could serve their country in World War I.

A: Dental dams.

TreVeyon could spend less time interpreting the Bible and more time watching defensive formations on film. Just sayin’.

Our Lady Peace still got it.

Tiger would have been fine if those stupid truck people hadn’t “slowed down” to “turn into a driveway,” Who does that!?

Honk if you remember The Great Blue Hill Volcano.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

Dual Cams. Nice for engines, less so for Twitter.

Is there a bin of discarded outfits from Dirty Water TV that Lucy changes into for Boston Has Entered the Chat?

Skenes got roughed up on Opening Day? Women weaken legs.

The Rooney Rule is really more of a Rooney Suggestion.

Triston Casas shut down? That never happens.

Best bet for the weekend: a humdinger of a game between Michigan and Arizona.

Aloha means ‘goodbye.’ Aloha, Dan Lifshatz.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. F-f-f-foolin’.

Some days Bianca just wants to feel sparkly.

03/25/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Still time to pick up a thoughtful Opening Day Eve greeting card.

Does NESN really need to have a 40-man roster?

Schools should teach people how to hit a baseball like Shohei Ohtani. And pitch a baseball like Shohei Ohtani.

Imagine being snubbed by “Sarge?”

Losing at cornhole to an armless guy must be humiliating.

A post about former #Patriots running back BenJarvus Green-Ellis popped up on my timeline. It looked familiar because I posted it 6 months ago. Stealing posts and taking credit for other people’s work/research stinks. Be original or give credit. Simple.

James Hagens Watch < Butch Coolidge’s Watch.

If I didn’t want to be recognized I’d probably not dress myself up like a Lewis Carroll-themed episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Musicals in the right creative hands are good movies.

News Item: New food items to be sold at Fenway Park this season. I should hope so: the stuff left over from 2025 must have spoiled by now, or else have freezer burn.

Cakes are coking for Paul Michael Glaser, Bonnie Bedelia, Elton John, Jean Potvin, Robert O’Reilly, Maisie Williams, Mary Gross, John McDermott, Lee Mazzilli, Hugo Burnham, Haywood Nelson, Mark Brooks, Marcia Cross, Alex Solis, Sarah Jessica Parker, Tom Glavine, Cathy Dennis, Dan Wilson, Travis Fryman, Magnus Larssen, Cammi Granato, Sheryl Swoopes, Lark Voorhies, Wladimir Klitschko, Nathanael Bargatze, Joe King, Katharine McPhee, Kyle Lowry,  Alyson Michalka, Mikey Madison, and Sha’Carri Richardson.

There is also some leftover cake in a Herb Chambers dealership breakroom, if you want something not from a vending machine.

Holy fargin’ leg, Vasy!!!!

I love when the Boston Radio Watch guy tells me who was topping the charts 37 years ago. It’s like he’s reading my mind!

Hey gang of allegedly sapphic sisters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “They never considered me.”

The Saturday night “oohs” and “aahs” in Montreal just hit different. @hockeynight

Hey guys, it’s flag football. Settle down.

No Beanpot teams in the NCAA Hockey Tournament this year, that hasn’t happened since 1981.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

I can’t imagine being a born rich white girl and needing so badly to feel oppressed that I pretend to be half-gay.

UConn fans rooting for St. John’s are the worst.

Stoughton MBTA Commuter Rail Passengers: Train 972 (the 7:18 PM train from Stoughton to South Station) will operate via the Fairmount Line making all stops between Fairmount and South Station.

No man’s a jester playing Shakespeare
‘Round your throne room floor.
While the juggler’s act is danced upon
The crown that you once wore.

And sooner or later
Everybody’s kingdom must end.
And I’m so afraid your courtiers
Cannot be called best friends.

Caesar’s had your troubles
Widows had to cry.
While mercenaries in cloisters sing
And the king must die.

Stop the presses! I just saw Michigan’s Aday Mara attempt an (awkward) old- fashioned hook shot! And then Mara amazingly guided in a backward alley-oop finish!

Shaddup, you fake loser account with your idiotic bullshit takes. Beat it, bitch.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s good practice to keep your cream out of the refrigerator during coffee drinking hours; they don’t call it “table cream” for nothin’.

Jim Rice talks like an anthropomorphic cat from a lesser known ‘70s Disney movie.

Honk if you remember Tom Dempsey.

People have strong feelings about the black jelly beans.

The Red Sox, they could surprise you!

“Rooster”, the new Steve Carell show on HBO, is pretty good so far. Has a sitcom vibe to it.

A: miniature rubber ducks.

To be fair I wouldn’t want to do my taxes either if i only got paid with several dozen 1099s because I didn’t have any real jobs.

Is James Hagens’ hockey nickname Hagesy or Haigy?

If Voltaire had been a basketball fan, I’m sure he would have said, “Si Victor Wembanyama n’existait pas, il faudrait l’inventer.”

I don’t hate Rick Pitino. Sorry, comrade.

What do you call a professional cornhole player with no arms and legs in the ocean?
Bob!

Overpay for a Kelce more. You can’t!

Best bet for the weekend: the college basketball women’s favorites covering the spread.

A definite paucity of Fribbles to be found in South Dakota. Unfortunately.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Natural’s not in it.

And happy birthday to IndyCar race winner Danica Patrick.

03/18/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Venezuela needed a W.

Hockey jerseys no contain magic?

I love how Jim Nantz every year has to go from March Madness to The Masters two days later.

The Red Sox players performing well in the WBC is a positive sign for the season to come, right?

Upton Bell’s Father Bert Bell who founded the Philadelphia Eagles wanted Green from the very beginning.

Would totally watch a “Swingers”-style comedy starring Andy Wong, JStew, Sarge, and that other charmless slob.

Alex Caruso would be a beloved Celtic. I really believe that.

I’ve deleted a post incorrectly identifying who was suspended today. It was Johan Rojas of the Philadelphia Phillies who was suspended.

News Item: Bryce Huff announced that he is starting a company called Neighborstone, which will build safety infrastructure to help with fire risk on lithium-ion batteries.

I guess I’ll root for whichever team from a Massachusetts college or university made it into the Tournament.

Cakes are cooking for Carl Gottlieb, Drew Struzan, Brad Dourif, Rick Martel, Irene Cara, Luc Besson, James McMurtry, Bonnie Blair, Jerry Cantrell, Queen Latifah, Adam Levine, Chad Cordero, Lily Collins, and J.T. Realmuto.

Good to have an old-school Twitter night on tap (hopefully). #Oscars

I’m so damn proud of our gold medal winning sled hockey team. I hope someday to learn what their names are.

Åberg? Å no!

Meal prep, bro. Nothing like planning to essentially eat leftovers every day.

Sorry if I missed your tags today. I’m a little laid up w my back.

AI coach already telling me to tone down my weightlifting 10 days out from 20-mile race. This is the robot trying to weaken the man in order to take over the world. Cannot be fooled.

The winner of the WBC should face the winner of the NBA Cup.

Food cleanse includes booze? WTF.

I’m pretty sure there were entire months where the Revs didn’t score 6 total goals. Good job.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s good practice to keep your cream out of the refrigerator during coffee drinking hours; they don’t call it “table cream” for nothin’.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Playing in the NFL is pretty cool, but ya know what’s *really* cool? Preventing lithium battery fires.”

I watched “Fukushima: A Nuclear Nightmare” last night on HBO and I can’t remember the last time a documentary brought me to tears that much.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

The black dog and the wandering boy
Come around every night.
The wandering boy never gets any older
The black dog doesn’t bite.
He just sits on the floor at the corner of the bed
Watching for the things that haunt.
They oughta both go away when I take my meds:
But they don’t.

Hey, somebody lie to me
Hey, somebody lie to me.

There is no greater Lenten sacrifice than choosing a hot buttered lobster roll as your meatless Friday meal.

My lawyer laughed at “dipshit”.

Just so everyone knows: true NCAA tournament “upsets” begin at 4-13. And don’t even think about 9 over 8.

Honk if you remember the Gardner Museum heist.

Do you guys ever think about how epic Anya Taylor-Joy’s peripheral vision must be?

“Dubai Chocolate” is the weirdest psyop I’ve ever encountered.

You can tell I’m a weather enthusiast because I measure rainfall to the hundredth of an inch.

That wasn’t quite the St. Crispin’s Day speech, Aaron.

The clump of confiscated gallon containers of booze is a welcome addition to St. Patrick’s Day Parade B-roll footage.

Welcome Boston Legacy FC.

Maybe should have boiled the corned beef for another hour.

I wonder if any former Patriots player and a current Celtics player were ever guests on the Tonight Show before. Probably not.

Can’t put all your hopes into a Zacha hat trick every game.

Best bet for the weekend: Flag Football, what else?

It’s nice not having to defend Tom anymore when he’s like this.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Let’s dance.

And happy birthday to producer/actress/singer/model and Miss America 1984 (resigned, for reasons) Vanessa Williams.

3/11/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Tatum is back! And so’s his dad!

I never hear anything about Tatum’s rehab except for people bitching about always hearing about it.

Do fake food allergies count abroad?

You’re laughing? I’m groggy because I had an hour of my life stolen from me and you’re laughing? (The hour I lost was from watching the premiere episode of ‘R.J. Decker’.)

In today’s NFL you need a roster with a mix of hyphens and apostrophes in the names to succeed.

The NBA should store all evidence of  Edrice Adebayo’s 83 point game in the same vault they keep the “proof” of Wilt’s “100 point game.”

And no, I ain’t calling a grown man, ‘Bam.’

Wonder how many Bruins fans are aware TDGarden each night offers $5 draft beer (12 oz)?

How do we convince Yoshi to play for the Red Sox like he does in World Baseball Classic games?

It’s not plagiarism if no one hears it.

Cakes are cooking for Rupert Murdoch, Sam Donaldson, Mark Stein, Bobby McFerrin, Nina Hagen, Curtis Brown, Rob Paulsen, Cheryl Lynn, James Pinkerton, Mike Percy, Alex Kingston, Wallace Langham, John Barrowman, Rami Jaffee, Johnny Knoxville, Adam Wakeman, Bobby Abreu, Becky Hammon, Benji Madden, Joel Madden, Elton Brand, Thora Birch, Anthony Davis, and Jodie Comer.

Fun fact: Jason Tatum had his face tattooed on his repaired Achilles tendon.

Nice weather we’re having, eh?

Hold onto your hats but I have a crush on the white girl from Duke.

I don’t know how to pronounce ‘Doubs.’

Complain more about McAvoy playing “hero ball.”

Watching 3 basketball games at once is terrible.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Knowing the name of an NBA official is a warning sign, like a check engine light.

Hey gang of tournament enjoyers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “They hear us.’

I’m gonna get in the car
Drive away
Drive so far
No one’s gonna find me
Put my foot on the gas
Accelerate
Drive so fast
No one’s gonna catch me.

Gonna get in the car
Drive away
Drive so far
No one’s gonna find me
Put my foot on the gas
Accelerate
Drive so fast
No one’s gonna catch me.

It’s about time for CHB to plague poor Bob Cousy and his family by heading off to Worcester to ask the 97-year-old legend whom Pritchard reminds him of.

So Brady is a witless incompetent GM who screwed up a simple trade, correct?
That’s the way this works.

Best of luck tomorrow against Miami of Ohio, UMass.

Sealants!

Really weird when a random old Red Sox game is on NESN+ and you realize pretty quickly you were at it.

Honk if you remember New York Jet QB Geno Smith. I have news about that.

A man broke my Nespresso machine! A one-armed man! You find that man!

Who is your favorite sports agent or agency? Let us know in the comments.

You can tell I’m a serious basketball fan because I refer to a flagrant as an F1.

Kyle Teel is Italian? Austin Wells is Dominican?

Stick tap to the Selection Committee.

Best bet for the weekend: a Donaldbrook over to Southie, kid.

311, fartknockers!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friends Lebron and Canadian Soldier, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t worry. Be happy.

And happy birthday to American singer-songwriter, musician, actor, entrepreneur, and philanthropist Lisa Loeb.

03/04/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Braiden Ward-Mikey Romero- Kristian Campbell-Mickey Gasper.

Swayman apologized, can we get his daily account back please?

If there’s one consistent through line of fan behavior I’ve observed over the course of attending hundreds of games, it’s that women seem to think the request to remove your caps for the anthem doesn’t apply to them. Very strange.

Bro, sorry if I somehow unfollowed. I would never. I don’t trust this place.

The funniest thing about being a southern transplant in New England is guessing whether something labeled “spicy” on a menu is white people spicy or actually spicy.

Anytime you can bring in a headcase receivah, you gotta do it!

Does anyone else get slightly confused when the Globe Pitchbot pitch isn’t written by Felger and Mazz?

Some important news: New New Scrubs is a 10 out of 10.

Rob Bradford has such a wet voice. When he says Kutter Crawford, I almost feel the spittle on me.

It must be difficult being bisexual when you’re always on vacation.

Cakes are cooking for Adrian Lyne, James Ellroy, Emilio Estefan, Mykelti Williamson, Rick Mast, Patricia Heaton, John Mugabe, Ray Mancini, Steven Weber, Jason Newsted, Khaled Hosseini, Paul W. S. Anderson, Dav Pilkey, Kevin Johnson, Evan Dando, Patsy Kensit, Chaz Bono, Jos Verstappen, Robert Smith, Hawksley Workman, Jason Marsalis, Landon Donovan, Draymond Green, Nick Castellanos, Obi Toppin, and Brooklyn Beckham.

Rewatch both Gold Medal games in full with my 4th of July Playlist playing? Don’t mind if I do.

It’s always a great sign when middle aged broads smile and don’t show their teeth.

Hedy gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m sorry Aerin Frankel – autocorrect is the worst.”

Neil Sedaka’s got some jams. RIP.

I like when people say “Now I wish Canada won.” Oh yeah, rich white guys from Ontario are totally different from rich white guys from Minnesota!

Quarter zip fleece? Not my scene. I prefer the 3/8th zip.

Orange Line: Through March 8. Shuttle buses are replacing service between Back Bay and Forest Hills for signal work. Commuter Rail is fare-free between Forest Hills and South Station.

Imagine telling a chick you’re taking her to “Cream City” and then ending up in Milwaukee.

I know a place where I can go when I’m alone
Into your arms, whoa, into your arms I can go
I know a place that’s safe and warm from the crowd
Into your arms, whoa, into your arms I can go.

And if I should fall
I know, I won’t be alone
Be alone anymore.

I’m with Hurley on this one. Sumo oranges are the best. So I guess those three weeks on the Rich Shertenlieb Show weren’t entirely, fruitless?

Puerto Ricans fucking love ‘the wave.’

Steroid abuse is known to damage ligaments and tendons.

The Patriots literally didn’t think Alec Pierce could be available.

We have a Scaz AND a Stiz!?

Oh, like the Celtics never had a ‘The Naked I Night’, back during Princess Cheyenne’s heyday.

Khusnutdinov. He’s like a mini-Marchand.

Every woman thinks she’s a badass until it’s time to turn on the AC at Christian Barmore’s house.

Honk if you remember Comet Hale-Bopp.

The entertainment industry having awards shows every other week; what do they think they are, sportswriters?

I might pass on canoeing the Saco next year.

Steve Kerr declared POTS is a fake disease again. These hockey broads are having a terrible week.

I just need Hugo to say, “basketball is life.”

Pajamas at the airport? No. I wear an off the rack suit from Kohl’s when I fly. People think I’m an Air Marshal.

Seems like the deficiencies in the Patriots NFLPA report card could be easily fixed by throwing money at the problems. Oh. Right.

Ah, the famously complex flavors of Duval County, Florida.

Alex Guerrero being Brady’s snitch on the Raiders is glorious. There’s only man who can fix this: Jack Easterby.

Best bet for the weekend: World Baseball Classic Fever Grips Hub.

Nothing rhymes with orange.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. God’s Great banana skin. Gonna get ya.

Bianca has us ready to spring forward.

02/25/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Picture perfect.

The Fanatics guy knows that he has to do better.

All the in-sports gals must have been pissed they didn’t get to use the ‘don’t be sad USA, your women’s hockey team won!’ troll had Canada won on Sunday.

For those in recent days who’ve played curling for the first time — whaddya think?

Pfft. I can’t believe Tatum is making his comeback all about him.

I feel like they could hand out the medals and the stuffed animals at the same time.

Do you think the guys on the hockey team called Kash, “Patsy“?

If I had Tourettes my tics would be shouting “Queen of the North”, “Deuce is Everything”, and “Bobby Dalbec is The Fruith” because I’m a good fucking person.

Whole lotta Boston bars opened very early on this Sunday and they’re jam-packed. Love to see it.

Jaylen should dribble into more crowds.

Did we really need Bill Speros to blow the lid off the fact that Australia is a long way away?

Cakes are cooking for Sally Jessy Raphael, Tom Courtenay, Herb Elliott, Doug Yule, Ric Flair, Kenny Gradney, Neil Jordan, César Cedeño, James Brown, John Doe, Dennis Diken, Stuart “Woody” Wood, Jeff Fisher, Kurt Rambis, Paul O’Neill, Lee Evans, Brian Baker, Carrot Top, Veronica Webb, Alexis Denisof, Nancy O’Dell, Byron Dafoe, Daniel Powter, Sean Astin, Anson Mount, Julio Iglesias, Jr., Justin Jeffre, Chelsea Handler, Rashida Jones, Kash Patel, Bert McCracken, Tara Wilson, Jameela Jamil, Hideki Matsuyama, and Eugenie Bouchard.

Listening to Bill Simmons “fix” problems by presenting much worse alternatives is so triggering.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

According to Babz’s lengthy post, nothing is Fanatics fault, and they are all lovely, caring people. I bet they regret inviting our best and brightest in to give them the what for!

Tabitha Peterson was incredible. Tremendous shot to end it. I am all in on the women’s curling.

Breaking: Ahead of Closing Ceremonies, NBC announces it will dedicate CNBC to show nothing but Curling reruns as run-up to the next Olympiad. Only interruption with be an annual all-day Three Stooges fest on July 4 and Thanksgiving.

Hey gang with a clearly delineated organization chart! This week’s Phrase that Pays is: “My teeth are a lot straighter than yours and my stomach is definitely smaller.”

It’s really tough rooting for the Tkachuk’s.

The fact that Tourette’s guy didn’t shout “WATCH WOMEN’S HOCKEY” proves to me that he is also a raging misogynist.

All the best jobs have non-consecutive days off.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem between Maverick and Aquarium. Trains may stand by at stations.

90% of my For You tab is now just “Did you see what [insert new disgusting slob from Barstool] did?!”

Is asking yourself questions as a framing mechanism gay? Yes.

Just pick up a glove!

Anytime you can beat the Lakers when Pat Reilly gets a Saturday Night Fever statue dedicated to him is delicious.

I’m getting really sick and tired of this Connor McDavid vs Josh Allen debate!

How will the Boston Globe print subscribers have any idea that Daily Jeremy Swayman shut down?

Snow core samples?

Is it racist for a honkie to cast a vote for favorite Purple Drank? (It’s Fanta, by the way. Sorry Crush!)

Do the Italians think Coldplay is American?

Let me tell you how it will be

There’s one for you, nineteen for me
‘Cause I’m the taxman
Yeah, I’m the taxman

Should five per cent appear too small?
Be thankful I don’t take it all
‘Cause I’m the taxman

Yeah, I’m the taxman

(If you drive a car, car)
I’ll tax the street
(If you try to sit, sit)
I’ll tax your seat
(If you get too cold, cold)
I’ll tax the heat
(If you take a walk, walk)
I’ll tax your feet

Taxman!

When God Created Adam did he have a Quarterback in mind?

You dummies don’t realize that Tourette’s guy at the BAFTA’s was obviously a work!

Paavo Nurmi!

Honk if you remember when Payton Pritchard was hoping to move on in 2023 so he could go somewhere and have a bigger role, but Brad Stevens kept him and he earned a bigger role with the Celtics.

The first rule of being in a union is that you need to tell everyone you’re in a union.

Everyone wants to be HexClad… until it’s time to perform…pal

Tape Grindah’s cortisol level must be spiking after totally getting Stoolmogged by Ganguay who’s doing a lot of Prezmaxxing lately.

Is an Authentic Fan Council something like a Fan Advisory Group?

Tara Lipinski could definitely wreck a dick.

Love something as much as mother’s do warning you about food recalls in states three time zones away.

You can tell I’m a weather enthusiast because I use terms like ‘mashed potatoes’ and ‘wet cement’ to describe snow.

Best bet for the weekend: thawing, then refreezing. Then repeat.

Oh come on, they’re adorable!
See?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.

And happy birthday to actress Téa Leoni.
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