The 15

2-0, the most dangerous lead in sports.

A lotta Celtics fans getting the big sads now that they’ve learned Jayson and Jaylen aren’t best fwiends.

Ronaldo is the only Portuguese guy I’ve ever seen with two eyebrows.

Getting screamed at in Arabic has to be frightening.

Look, that was a disappointing game, but the memories of the USA Soccer snapback I bought will last three, maybe four more days.

Keith Smith is underappreciated until you trade for Paul George and need some explanations.

Belgium has more planet players.

Cakes are coking for Janice Pennington, Jeffrey Tambor, Kim Darby, Raffi Cavoukian, Wolfgang Puck, Anjelica Houston, Jack Lambert, Kevin Bacon, Joan Osborne, Bob Ctvrtlik, Billy Crudup, Michael Weatherly, Beck, Staci Wilson, Wang Zhizhi, Sophia Bush, Jamie Cook, David Corenswet, Jaden Smith, and Maya Hawke.

The fattest most pungent smelling people are always the most opinionated.

I just can’t get out of my head that if only MLS had promotion and relegation Freese wouldn’t have fucked up that third goal.

Why didn’t Brad navigate the Celtics out of the worst CBA in sports in one fell swoop? Felgy coulda done it.

Pochettino looks like he wants to show me how clogged my car’s cabin air filter is.

I don’t know why I think it’s funny that Vrabel took his wife to Taylor Swift’s wedding, but I do.

Airport meals are a killer.

Green Line D Branch: Delays of about 20 minutes due to a disabled train near Brookline Village. Trains may stand by at stations.

Ironhead has broken containment.

So California Bill has his endoscopy? Let me guess: no polyps, but lots of solipsism.

Hey gang of hyperboleists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “There was the Babe Ruth trade out of Boston and then this is probably next.”

Is Carli Lloyd pregnant or is this a Christina Erne situation?

Bring back the Shaw’s Pro Summer League.

A Roger Goodell flunkie is furiously taking notes on the FIFA appeals process.

As my grandpappy used to say, the poor always find time to fuck and paint mini furniture.

Wait, Jaylen Brown and A.J. Brown are cousins?

If I was playing against Messi I would make sure we talked about how someone should mark him.

Buying off deadbeats and grifters with a lifetime meet and greet fast pass is the easiest move Rubin ever made.

Who do you think you’re calling a ‘deranged little clique?’

I somehow don’t believe Thierry Henry actually cares about growing the game in the United States.

@fartpants86 I just reported you to twitter ..

What question did Dondero ask at the presser? Oh, right. Right right right.

Pick yourself up off the side of the road
With your elevator bones and your whip-flash tones
Members only hypnotizers
Move through the room like ambulance drivers

Shine your shoes with your microphone blues
Hirsutes with your parachute fruits
Passing the dutchie from coast to coast
Like my man Gary Wilson (I rock the most)

Where it’s at
I got two turntables and a microphone.
Where it’s at
I got two turntables and a microphone.

I guess we can talk about that paint on Jaylen’s head now.

If you’re going to invent your own hall of fame might as well make the path to induction arbitrary and capricious.

Brad twice basically saying “what the fuck are you talking about?” to Shaughnessy was pretty great.

Nothing good begins “divorce response”.

Imagine how good Pulisic will be in 2030 when he’s healthy!

Honk if you remember the MetLife blimp.

The Nantucket police got any, you know, promising, uh, leads on the missing Breer bikes?

Quite frankly, this whole FIFA ordeal reeks of private equity.

Oh, you’re looking to grow the game? Good luck. We’re putting the ugliest American we got on this story: Ben Volin.

Payton Tolle is the first Red Sox pitcher since Dennis Eckersley (1978) to make at least 4 starts of 6.0+ innings and 0 ER in a single season prior to turning 24.

What do people expect Brad to do, sit there and say “Yeah, we don’t think Jaylen is that good”? For years, we heard sports radio wetbrains saying that Brown and Tatum couldn’t play together. Now that Brad finally agrees, he’s the bad guy?

It’s amazing how Bill Simmons always has an object lesson from his own life to poorly analogize with a current sports situation.

Gonna have to bill my idiot New Hampshire relatives 35 cents for the returnable cans and bottles the threw into the regular trash on the 4th of July.

Best bet for the weekend: ships that are tall.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, PatriotsDaily, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.