5/15/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer
(Editor’s Note: in last week’s Junk Drawer a quote from Mark Farinella was mistakenly attributed to comedian Mitch Hedberg. We apologize for the error and thank Mr. Farinella for pointing it out.)
I bet everyone is happy the Celtics came back on the road and finally won a close playoff game.
Drew Bledsoe rooted for Roy Stalin in Better Off Dead.
You could run a black light over the court at MSG and not find any winning DNA.
Who greenlit Harrison Butker’s commencement speech? Nick Adams? Fred Waterford?
A quarter of the season done, and the Red Sox lead the league in ERA. If that holds up, it would be the first time that has happened since two years before the Magna Carta was signed.
Drew Bledsoe is the Platonic ideal of a coach’s kid.
Will rookies wearing their actual game numbers improve Patriots coverage this year?
Nothing says I’m a dickhead Boston cop like a bald head and a goatee.
Cakes are cooking for Anna Maria Alberghetti, Wavy Gravy, Don Nelson, Brian Eno, Chazz Palminteri, George Brett, Mike Oldfield, Dan Patrick, Kevin Von Erich, Melle Mel, John Smoltz, Emmitt Smith, Desmond Howard, Jennifer Rizzotti, Ray Lewis, Ryan Leaf, David Krumholtz, Josh Beckett, Justin Morneau, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Christiane, and Andy Murray,
Max Strus has never actually hit a three against a team other than the Celtics.
Hey gang of potential sports managment agency clients, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Do rib tattoos hurt? I want one.”
Drew Bledsoe would be divorced too if he played in the NFL for 23 seasons like Brady.
I’d rather be backed over by my ciggy breath girlfriend than have friends that play fight with me after a few beers.
Someone please give Jennifer Connelly a meatball sub. Or two.
Shouldn’t Mother’s Day be every day of the year?
Red Line Reminder: May 18-19 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Broadway and Braintree due to bridge and track work. Regular Red Line service will operate between Ashmont and JFK/UMass.
Drew Bledsoe parks his car diagonally across four parking spaces at the supermarket.
Celtics are lucky Okoro can’t score-o. He has to be 0 for his last 15.
Leah Hextall. Naughty.
Hey Ken, find the dog food that I ordered on Amazon two weeks ago, loser. Yaaaaaa!
Spike Lee still alive? What a cvnt.
Drew Bledsoe’s sheared artery was the first time we learned he had heart.
Imagine being Turtleboy’s lawyer. After a while, you must be like, “Why are you such an asshole?”
Is Zack Cox trespassing?
The mute button loves PK Subban.
You don’t need to use the search bar Ma; the page you’re looking for is already open in a tab. Cursor up. Up. Up! No, don’t scroll down! Up! You see the tabs up top? right in the middle! Click there!
Drew Bledsoe would be friends with Shooter McGavin.
A: the1987 Los Angeles Lakers.
The fact there are Red Lobster restaurants in Connecticut is a point for the ‘CT isn’t really part of New England’ side of the argument.
If you’re looking for a catchy tune with a funky beat, you could do much worse than Shalamar.
When did Court TV get so bad/cheesy?
Honk if you’ve eaten at The Weathervane/Lobster in the Rough.
Kelsey Plum forgot her blouse!
Drew still using the roast from over a week ago as an excuse to keep insulting Tom kinda makes him look like the asshole we all know him to be.
And you may ask yourself, “How do I work this?”
And you may ask yourself, “Where is that large automobile?”
And you may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful house.”
And you may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful wife.”
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down.
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground.
Into the blue again, after the money’s gone.
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground.
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.
Radar guns have changed. There is no way that all these pitchers hit 100mph so consistently. No one threw it faster than Nolan Ryan but now every middle-reliever does? Impossible.
Dallas’s NHL team should have been named the Lone Stars.
UConn is a baseball school.
Can you really cry while giving a speech about the loss of masculinity? Asking for an idiot kicker.
Who’s the Florida Panthers diving coach, Thornton Mellon? Bravo.
Statistics that other people research and post should get acknowledged or attributed to them if they are used, not just stolen. It’s a lousy thing to do.
Drew Bledsoe got traded to another team in the division.
Red Lobster got Frying Dutchman’d with its ultimate endless shrimp promotion. Arrrrr!
Welcome to the big leagues, Caitlin Clark.
Best bet for the weekend: Not Mystik Dan. Sorrey!
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, but nothing from Mark Farinella, don’t you worry your pretty little head, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. The second time around. Ooh, the second time is so much better, baby.