Author Archives: TheIntern15

2022 Christmas/Holiday Mixtape Playlist

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(Dear The15net dot com Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is a musical playlist for your particular winter holiday enjoyment. And everyone else who stayed off the naughty list this year. Click HERE to download. Additional song suggestions are welcomed in the comments. )

Rene The Red-Nosed Rancourt- The New Original Six

It’s Yuletide In Manhattan Where I Live- PK and the Fingerwaggers

The Little Dumber Boy – JoeRay2199

Joshy Got Run Over By a Reindeer – The Dunkin Duet

White Christmas (And Every Other Day) – Gerry and the Callahans

Fleece Nobby Dad – Shukri Wright and the Nightmares

In Dulci Jewbilo – Gabby and her All Starr Band

I Saw Mommy Kissing Gene Lavanchy – The Felger 5

NORAD’s Tracking Santa? (That’s a violation of the TOS!) – Ron Catamount Muskmelon

Blew Christmas – DJ Bean and the Gloryhole Seekers

Where Did I Say It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year? – Steve and The Atamians

Last Christmas (Hopefully) – Upton Bell & Vito Stellino

All I Kept for Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth) – Kelbo Thompkins and the 200 Line

All Abroad the Sleigh Ride! – The Shunettes

Peace on Earth, Sox Pax on Sale – America’s Most Beloved Ticket Office

Baby It’s Cold Outside, And Here’s A 90 Second Video To Prove It – BHL

The Medfield Carol – Section 334 Chorus

The Little Drummer Goy – Gabz & the Golden Menorahs

Gabby the Glizzy Gobbler – Roy Rogers

My Snow Hat’s Now In A Snowbank (and That’s Nowhere For It To Be)- Volin’s Simple Brain

Do You See What I SAW? – Lil Redding

Low, How A Chaim E’er Spending – Trans Commonwealthian LGBTQIA+ Orchestra

A Coachman’s Christmas- Oswald Brougham and the Knowledge

Fairy-tail of New York – DJ Bean

All I Want For Christmas (Is Jews) – Gabby and her All Starr Band

Do They Know It’s Christmas, Loser? – Band AIDS

Santa Got His Bag, Now He Needs His Flowers – Zwarte Peabsy

I’m Hearing That the Carolers Are Wishing You a Merry Christmas – Albert Breer

Baby it’s Cold Inside, Babe – Roger & Josh

Walk Rudolph Walk – Shuk Berry

The Nutrocker Suite- A Daily Pounding

Christmas Means That Truck Day’s Rounding Third – Merle Samuel Hornsen

Frosty; A Man Made of Snow? WOW – Steve Burton

A White Christmas? Nooo! – Billy Smafia

All I Want for Christmas is Shu Videos – The 15 Collaborative Choir

Jingle Balls – BJ Dean and the Blackburns

Do Astronauts Get Mistletoe Instead Of Athlete’s Foot? –Little Tiny Jerry Thornton & The Rimshots

Oh Come, All Ye Smoothies – ET Weekend Choir

Pinned Mittens- Rumford Eagle

The Christmas Song – Mensa Matt

O’ Tannenbaum (He’s Done It Again!) – Winning The Back Page

The Carol of Bert Bell – Meek Mill

My Nuts Sitting on Your Open Chest – Sal King Cole

A Child’s Christmas At The Whalers- The Brass Bonanzeers

Oh Christmas Sales- Shalize Navidad

I Wanna Rocketcar For Hannukkah- Rickkyboy and the Scofflaws

Big Dong Merrily On Thigh – The Wallfloorers

A Visit From St. Nicholas- recited by The Honorable Thomas M. Menino (deceased)

Christmas Time is Here (instrumental) – Ron Poster

Jag fick ditt svenska ‘Yule Log’ här – Rubber Volvo

Have Yourself A Murray Hewett Christmas- Flight Of The Conchords w/Thirdkill   

Santa Baby – Bianca de la Garza                    

S’Wonderful Life- Suzy Zou Bisou (With First String Kevin)

Simply Having A Wonderful Christmastime/Step Into Christmas- Avenged Sevenfold

Christmas In Millis – Average White Band

CORI the Snowman – Steve Autry and the Middlesex County Boys

Winter Wonderland T Stop – Pierre Nightmare

Christmas (Daddy Please Come Home) – Deedsy Jr.

I’ll Be Home for Christmas (Because I’m Unemployed) – Bing Mutnansky

The Twelve Days of Beating Every Topic Into the Ground – Boston Media All Stars United for Charity

(Photo courtesy of North Pole’s Own Patrick.)

Intern Street Team People on the Street Interview

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Our Intern Street Team was out and about asking the locals, “What are you going as for Halloween?”

Lucas O. – “Scituate Lighthouse. Or a Ninja Turtle.”
Jenna Z. – “Wrench Reynolds, from the Muzz & JF Show.”
Walter Majeski, MBTA Senior Inspector – “Marvel Studios Honcho Kevin Feige.”
Jocko McLaughlin, tavern flanneur – “Secretary of the Commonwealth Bill Galvin “
Susan Catamount, High School Student – “Terrestrial Radio.”
Rufus Khastufas, retiree – “James Rebhorn.”
Olivia N. – “Linda Pizzuti’s Visionary Fenway Park Rooftop Gardens.”
Harry Borowitz, Student – “A Not Likely To Be Earned contract incentive.”
Evie Lee, Student – “Rose Tico. Or Sexy Mayor Wu.”
Jeff Hartoupian, Chiropractor – “Dart Adams.”
Billy Peloquin, Stockbroker –“A cornered animal.”
Cleophas J. – “Mina Kimes’ huge football brain.”
Jessica Katsulas, Medical Device Sales – “Sexy Mindy Kaling.”
Lorraine Vermilion, Tourist – “An inexplicably angry tow truck driver.”
Shukri White, Multimedia Influencer – “Train Engineer.”

Happy Halloween, everybody.

Happy Upton Bell Day

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Upton Bell came very close to General Managing the New England Patriots to ten wins over two years, Mike.

Upton is Bert Bell’s son. Bert Bell was once the Commisioner of the NFL. Bert Bell was Upton’s father.

Upton Bell claims credit for more discoveries, innovations, and interactions with famous people than even Eddie Andelman!

Upton was General Manager of the New England Patriots. In 1971 he forgot to send option letters to the Patriots players, effectively making the entire team free agents.

The Patriots record during Upton’s tenure as GM was 9-19.

Upton Bell can do anything he puts his mind to, Kevin.

Everyone who could refute any of Upton’s Commander McBragg/Baron Munchausen/Forrest Gump stories is conveniently dead.

Upton is so old he understands all the outdated pop culture references in the previous sentence.

Upton Bell believes nepotism has no place in the modern NFL, Mike.

On Twitter, Upton likes to reply, and replies to likes!

Upton Bell was There At the Beginning. Of the AFL, not the United States.

Upton will turn 100 in 2037.

Upton wishes you a Happy Him Day.

From The 15 Vault – An Excerpt: ‘406 Little-Known Beantown (& Foxborough) Sports Facts!’

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(Originally published  July 24, 2019 )

Note: Patrick Scartelli and The Sports Junk Drawer will appear Thursday, owing to the Labor Day holiday. In his place is an excerpt from good friend of The15net dot com, sportswriter Mr. Stanislas Tecumseh Darden, Jr., with an excerpt from his forthcoming book, ‘406 Little-Known Beantown (& Foxborough) Sports Facts!’

books.

At one time, Yawkey Way was known as Jersey Street!

First baseman Bill Buckner’s costly error was in Game 6, not Game 7 of the 1986 World Series!

Celtics Hall-of-Famer Bill Russell was, in effect, traded for the Ice Capades!

And speaking of ice, the Bruins for many years played their home games at the Boston Garden, which has a smaller ice surface than the now standard 200′ x 85′!

Red Sox pitcher Bill “Spaceman” Lee was never an astronaut. The nickname derived from his ‘spacey’ personality!

The New England Patriots actually held a 3-0 in Super Bowl XX!

‘The Splendid Splinter” Ted Williams hit a home run in his final at-bat at Fenway Park!

Despite public perception to the contrary, Atlanta Hawks center Tree Rollins bit Celtics guard Danny Ainge, not the other way around!

The Boston Bruins won a deciding Game 7 versus the Vancouver Canucks in the 2011 Stanley Cup Championship!

Tom Brady was drafted by the Expos in 1995 as a catcher!

The initial of Tom & Jean Yawkey are written in Morse code on the Fenway Park manual scoreboard!

Mr. Robert ‘Bob’ Kraft owned Foxboro Stadium before he bought the New England Patriots!

NBA great Shaquille O’Neal played his final season with the Celtics!

Prior to the 1994 MLB realignment and addition of a so-called ‘wild card’ team, the Yankees and Red Sox were unable to face one another in the playoffs!

Patriots star Troy Brown has received a TD pass and recorded an interception from Drew Bledsoe!

A ‘Bruin’ is an archaic term for a brown bear!

At one time, Jersey Street was known as Yawkey Way!

Celtics GM Arnold ‘Red’ Auerbach drafted Indiana State player Larry Bird an year early!

The Boston Braves baseball team, not the Red Sox, originally helped launch the Jimmy Fund charity!

Gillette Stadium was originally going to be named CMGi Field!

The Boston Garden had no air conditioning!

The left field wall at Fenway Park is know colloquially as “The Green Monster!” It is 37.2 feet high!

The ‘Spoked B’ Boston Bruins logo contains eight spokes!

Boston was the home for one season to a USFL team, called the Boston Breakers!

Former Patriots linebacker Mike Vrabel scored 8 touchdowns with New England, on 8 receptions!

Red Sox great Dennis Eckersley has won a Word Series, a Cy Young Award, and been named the AL Most Valuable Player; as a member of the Oakland Athletics!

In the 1980 NBA Draft, the Celtics traded their #1 overall pick in a swap that netted them center Robert Parrish, and a pick used to select forward Kevin McHale!

Hockey great Robert Gordon ‘Bobby’ Orr signed his first contract with a Bruins farm squad at the age of fourteen!

The now-New England Patriots actually debuted as an American Football League team in 1960, called the Boston Patriots!

Danny Ainge is a Mormon!

Red Sox great Ted Williams was the last major leaguer to hit over .400 for the season, when he hit at a .406 average back in 1941!

College and NFL footballs, or ‘pigskins’, are actually made from cowhide!

Drew Bledsoe, the Patriots #1 overall pick in the 1993 Draft, was replaced as starting quarterback due to suffering an injury on September 23, 2001 by Tom Brady!

Baseball great George Herman ‘Babe’ Ruth played for both Boston baseball teams, the Red Sox at the start of his career, and the Braves at the end of it!

balls
Soon available!

Follow Mr. Darden at @StdSportswriter on Twitter.

Intern-al Poll #2

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Some people prefer cupcakes more.

Salutations! We are the Summer Interns of the15net dot com! Some of us are new, some are holdovers from the 2021-22 academic year. Mr. Scartelli and a goodly number of the 15 insisted we “stop being testaments to uselessness” so we will be running occasional polls this summer. So without further ado:

Should the song, ‘Muffin Man’ by Frank Zappa be included on the 2022 Memorial Day Mixtape Playlist?

Intern-al Polling

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Beantown! Yay!!

Howdy! We are the Summer Interns of the15net dot com! Some of us are new, some are holdovers from the 2021-22 academic year. Mr. Scartelli and a plurality of the 15 insisted we “stop being testaments to uselessness” so we will be running occasional polls this summer. So without further ado:

Breer. Yates. Rap. Water carriers. But who is the most useless?

Friday Afternoon Press Release

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FOR RELEASE ON APRIL 8, 2022 EMBARGO UNTIL 3 PM EDT

April 8, 2022

Vernon Dozier to join the15net.com as local beat sports reporter.

The15 are pleased to announce the hiring of Mr. Vernon Dozier in the capacity of beat reporter for the local sports teams. Mr. Dozier has previously worked for Deadspin, TMZ Sports, and Goy at the Game, as well as physical media at The Boston Phoenix and The Cape Ann Times-Gleaner. A resident of Rockport (MA), Mr. Dozier can be found on Twitter at @VernonDozier_15. Welcome to Titletown, Vernon!

April 8, 2022

Winner of the 2022 NITwit Invitational T*ournament Disqualified.

After a short but thorough investigation, it has been discovered that the winner of the 2022 NITwit Invitational T*ournament, a Mr. Steven R. Lowell of Reading, MA, was ineligible to compete owing to violations of the T*ournament’s morals clause and PED policy. Resultantly, the runner up, a Mr. Brian Spulpit-Phillips, of no fixed address has been installed as the 2022 Champion.

You hate to see it.


The 15 are a news gathering association of concerned citizens designed to combat hottakes, specifically as it pertains to Boston sports.

March Sadness Results – The Four You Deplore Winners & Consolation Match

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Don’t expect to see much of this picture over the next 72 hours. At all.
You tried, Large Gym and Little Ben.

The March Sadness Final Matchup is set. Almost A Coach Greg A. Bedard of (for now) the Boston Sports Journal versus Chris Gasper of the Boston Globe. Due to overwhelming interest, there will now be a consolation match between the runners-up. Noontime EDT today until noontime EDT tomorrow Sunday April 3rd. Championship Monday after that. Thank you for your interest in ridiculing mediots. cheers.

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