Category Archives: The Sports Junk Drawer

04/20/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Yes, you can play better defense than someone who has a bigger contract, you dummies.

What’s all this I’m hearing about a War on THE15?

Hope you bet on a Kenyan winning.

Run the ‘score more goals than the opposing squadron’ play, Revs.

People who don’t think Smart was DPOY-worthy also think Mac Jones has hit his ceiling, and for the same reason.

Is Chebet like Smith?

Get well soon Bruins players.

Is Jamos deploy in Donbas fight denazify Ukraine, same as trade Hayward. No time watch games, but biggest Celtics East Euro moment since 1988 Royal Cheese preseason tournament, John Most no pronounce Dražen Petrović vroom vroom weeee crash Hahaa I boil boot make soup. Is Jamos.

Cakes are cooking for John Carney, Raymond van Barneveld, Grant Smith, Carmen Elektra, Lenka Němečková, and Lisa Ervin.

Hey Big Starr, can you tell me where do they serve meat sandwiches at Fenway Park?

I miss having the box scores in the newspapers. Has any pitcher won two games yet? See, if all the box scores were in the paper, I would know that. But when you have to look up box scores on the internet, you miss some stuff.

Sorry Charlie Day was scheduled for April 6th, but was celebrated locally on April 19th.

Effective immediately, wearing a mask on the T is now optional except for on The RIDE. The MBTA continues to follow @CDCgov guidelines in encouraging people to wear face masks on public transit. Please respect your fellow passengers’ decisions.

Iowa St LB Jake Hummel is visiting the #Bears today after visiting the #Vikings last week. He’s been busy with meetings & workouts since a Pro Day where his 4.50 forty would have ranked 4th among LBs, his 6.85 3-cone would have ranked 1st, and his 4.28 20-yd shuttle ranked 2nd.

Catching up on news I missed during my depressive episode and I’ve learned that Liz Sheridan died. She’s best known as Jerry’s mom on “Seinfeld” but I will always remember her as the delightfully-named Mrs. Ochmonek on “ALF.” R.I.P.

Zebra Cakes for breakfast…#Owning

I refuse to believe @katienolan is a poor broadcaster, doesn’t know baseball, etc. She does. I’m *convinced* some Apple TV bigwigs told her in private like “our producers/male viewers cannot handle a hyper competent, young, attractive, hilarious woman in MLB media so tank this”.

O-blate spher-oid! Clap Clap ClapClapClap! O-blate spher-oid! Clap Clap ClapClapClap!

Not trying to be mean, but it feels like MLB umpires should need to be able to pass some sort of physical fitness test.

Hey gang of amateur particle physicists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Find proton both sides vibe.”

Fenway Park has announced expanded Vegetarian options this season, with peanuts now available at the following locations: Home Plate Deck – Fifth Floor – Big Concourse – Home Plate Concourse – Coca Cola Deck – 3rd Base Concourse – Twins ’47 Third Base Deck – Pavilion Level – 1st Base Concourse – Jersey Street – Right Field Roof Deck

Oh yes, I would be remiss if I did not congratulate Peres Jepchirchir on her Boston Marathon win.

UBurger is down to one location on the edge of downtown Andover near Phillips Acadamy. The burger boom has gone bust.

Kate Beckinsale Posted A Sexy Snap Wearing Fishnets, And I Can’t Stop Staring At Her Sculpted Legs

I’m much wiser now
A lifetime of memories run through my head
They taught me how
For better or worse
Alive or dead
I realize there’s no turning back
Life goes on the offbeaten track

Losing the mask mandate was a good start, but now howabout taking down the extra protective netting past the dugouts at Fenway?

Charge more for hoops tix, UConn.

Honk if you remember emergency call boxes on highways.

Add April Graupel (Jerimoth Hill Community College – Track Team) to my great sports names file.

I can probably name more DPOY’s than PMOY’s.

Pro Tip: the voluntary workouts are actually kinda mandatory, N’Keal.

All you biologists sure told Catherine Varitek! LOL. ROTFL.

A Patriots Hall of Fame red jacket probably coordinates well with Vince Wilfork’s jort bib overalls. Probably.

BetQL wants to pay Lucy more, but worries that she will spend the money on food.

Shouldn’t have fucked with The Logo, McKay.

Say hello to your AL East leading Boston Red Sox.

Moist nut butters!

Best bet for the weekend: good seats being available at The Trop.

The swan boats? Guess what? They’re back. Can spring weather be far behind?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. (Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)

And HBD to Miranda Kerr, who apparently has a Fall birthday in her native Australia.

04/14/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Is Opening Day at Fenway just around the corner? It truly is.

’81-81 here we come’ is still in play.

So, basically Schefty’s initial tweet said “Haskins was hit by a dump truck that might as well have been hauling his wasted career in the back.”

Nets fans want Boston, eh? Be careful what you wish for.

If Steve Pagliuca buys Chelsea, then two Boston sports teams will share ownership with two Prem League clubs. ‘New England’, indeed.

Hasta la bye-bye, Jerry York. Stick tap.

Why don’t they make the whole season out of tournaments?

Cakes are cooking for Shari Redstone, Meg Mallon, Mike Trombley, Anthony Michael Hall, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and Rebecca DiPietro.

Schefter added ‘tragic’ onto his latest update in case nobody considered a 25 year old getting killed by a car a tragedy. I’ve seen dozens of tweets saying that 25 is too young to die. I didn’t know that.

Everyone’s Clayton Kershaw hot take is wrong, even those that directly contradict the others.

Are the Celtics playing to win a sign that Williams will be back sooner than expected, or that Jaylen really isn’t vaxxed?

Scottie Schleffler did not ‘come out of nowhere’, you dummies.

There’s no difference between a fracture and a break.

I have no idea if we got participation trophies as a kid because I always won.


Hey gang of pretend overtime enthusiasts, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Crazy with all this talk about contact sports. I played Hockey at a Catholic school that still today is one of premier”

Get your house in order, TalkShoe.

Kyrie Irving Pretending to Fast Game > Michael Jordan Flu Game.

Please board all Framingham/Worcester Line trains on the inbound platform (Track 2) at Westborough and Grafton until further notice today.

Tiger Woods’ caddie, Joe LaCava of Newtown, CT, is apparently a big Giants fan.

I have a belly button.

Well, I heard the Ukranians were actually targeting the Moskva’s identical sister ship, the Sixto.

Speaking of the NBA and vaccines, Dr. Jonas Salk’s polio vaccine had been in use for 30 years back when the Knicks last won anything.

God, did you hear about the late Gilbert Gottfried’s Aladdin co-star Robin Williams?

At least nobody can ever say Nick Wright’s hair isn’t lifelike.

F1 Fun Fact: the safety car has only been deployed once in the last eight years, during the Hungarian Grand Prix.

Would’ve been a bigger tragedy had Haskins performed up to expectations; then we’d have to consider impacts to keeper leagues. What?

You know your former newspaper is desperate for ad revenue when a giant ad for Astroglide personal lubricant shows up on its Internet home page. That’s a slippery slope they’re going down.

But then one night in the lobby, yea, of the Commodore Hotel
I chanced to meet a bartender who said he knew her well
And as he handed me a drink he began to hum a song
And all the boys there, at the bar, began to sing along

If you’ll be my Dixie chicken I’ll be your Tennessee lamb
And we can walk together down in Dixieland
Down in Dixieland, down in Dixieland

It’s a poor craftsman that blames his tools or wardrobe provider.

Fenway Park is now cashless? How so? Because every time I would go to a Red Sox game, I’d always leave having no cash left!! BWAHAHAHA!!! But seriously Craig, a ‘reverse ATM’ sounds dirty.

Honk if you remember the ARA General Belgrano.

Never should have placed that futures bet that a Belarusian runner would win the Marathon.

Welcome to the team, Vernon Dozier.

An interesting one: the Colts hosted CB Stephon Gilmore on a visit today.

I had no idea Greg Hill was also a firefighter!

If it’s an actual person on base, it’s not a ghost runner, stupid.

Doug Edert and Bryant College? A perfect match! PTT!

Best bet for the weekend: delicious and peaceful Easter dinners.

She plays bass guitar? What can’t Megan Rapinoe do?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW user Lefty, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Yes, this is a day late. What are you gonna do about it. Weep.

Mrs. Justin Verlander wishes you a Happy Easter. It always comes back to baseball, Danny.

04/06/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Why yes, he is quite pleased with himself.

March Sadness champ Greg Bedard wasted no time preparing his title defense, which is weird because he can no longer compete.

No one tell me who won the basketball championship! I taped it to watch later!

JK; I know the 1957 title game loss was avenged! Right Bob?

Perhaps we’re letting our hatred of Massarotti cloud our judgment that he sucks.

Warren Sharp’s real name? Touty McToutface.

YOU thought the Celtics were going to coast to the ECF before Rob got hurt! You did! You did!

Get well soon, Hampsy.

Cakes are cooking for Black Francis, Gerald Diduck, Paul Rudd, Tim Hasselbeck, Myleene Klass, Diora Baird, James Wade, and Peyton List.

Celtics need to somehow figure out how to do the player honors/number retirement ceremonies when they play on the road.

Cautiously optimistic about Team USA’s chances playing out of Group B.

I hope Tiger Woods is cutting his Ambiens in half. It would suck to win The Masters and have no memory of it.

They took the plexiglass down at the front counter of the package store last week. The pandemic is over.

Hey gang possibly consisting of an odd number of people, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Who have the ok to the weekend thing?”

Mattapan Trolley: Shuttle buses replace trolley service the weekend of April 30 – May 1, from start to end of service.

SwingJuice sells hospital gowns?

Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never read too much in spring training stats, good or bad. But Bobby Dalbec has had a good spring. Letting the ball get deep, good swings, letting his power play. Good balance, etc. Looks very hitterish.

There are evidently two Queensryches now.  The one that’s awesome, and the one everyone thinks sucks. And if you have two Queenryches, you have none.

I want Solomon Hughes to make a Tim Duncan movie after seeing him in Winning Time. They could call it “The Most Boring Movie Ever.”

Like Lucy, that Greg Hill Show poll question had Curtis’s grubby fingerprints all over it.

Jeff Howe’s successful battle with cancer was shorter than some people’s entire careers in the mulching business.

Be less consistent as to which jacket pocket you put your car keys in…you can’t!

Cameron Smith? Does he look good in green? Could be.

To be fair, Gerry Callahan had no idea his coffee beans sold for $14.88. That’s because he figured the price in Reichsmarks.

Add boys lacrosse players Caden Padelford & Devin Lampron from Waconah Regional HS (Dalton, MA) to my list of great sports names.

Could be holding you tonight
Could quit doing wrong, start doin’ right
You don’t care about what I think
I think I’ll just stay here and drink.

Hey, puttin’ you down, don’t square no deal
Least you know the way I feel
Take all the money in the bank
I think I’ll just stay here and drink.

Dan Orlofsky first and foremost should be concerned about being a Maynard G. Krebs lookalike.

Honk if you remember the Ice Capades.

Can Doctor Strange diagnose sports injuries on TV from his Bleeker Street sofa?


Fun Fact: the phrase “clappin’ them cheeks” was coined by Bert Bell.

This is where my ‘Duke lost, Lakers eliminated, watch out Yankees fans’ joke would go if I didn’t see Mike Coley or whoever from Barstool make one first. Whew! That was close!

No cute little cake cooking for Lou Merloni? Sniff. I’m making a mockery of his birthday!

The Patriots converted $2.85M of DE Deatrich Wise’s base salary into a signing bonus, creating $1.9M in salary cap space per source. A move made to accommodate the trade of WR Devante Parker.

The Yankees-Red Sox rivalry will have to wait a day to be renewed.

Best bet for the Weekend: azaleas and Jim Nantz wildly overestimating how many of us consider him to be our friend.


Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, The Entitled Town Group Chat, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Listen close and you can hear that loud jukebox playin’ in my ear.

“Miss Spirinac is ready for The Masters.

03/30/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Boston Pride. Yes indeed.

Meniscus Tear Twitter is the worst.

Consecutive Isobel Cup wins? Titletown is back, Baby!!

Every time Bob Kraft speaks when there’s no confetti on the ground, I like him less.

A Michigan/Denver and Minnesota/Minnesota State Frozen Four in Boston? Why all the yellow seats, Dale?

Outcome Based Rules Change SZN.

Pro Tip: Maybe don’t go with the 3-year BSJ membership option.

Cakes are cooking for Joey Sindelar, MC Hammer, Dave Ellett, Julie Richardson, Martin Love, and Chris Canty.

Honestly, the worst part about the slap is the TAKES we’re being subjected to by the blue check brigade in response to it. Insufferable. SHUT. UP.

Taylor Hawkins devoted half his life to fighting Foo. I doubt we shall see his like again. RIP.

I really wish I was a suit person, I’d love to be the guy in the suit at Wrestlemania week in Dallas.

If you could be rich and powerful in life, but have your name be disgraced throughout history, would you do it?

You did the HIPAA violation! You did! You did!

Sometimes when I’m feeling particularly emotionally unstable and just need to cry I watch the video of Secretariat in retirement running around by himself in a paddock by a lake, anyone else? No just me. Cool cool cool.

Fun Fact: Rutgers is the State University of New Jersey, not Michigan!

Following a thorough in-depth inspection of the Orange Line tunnel, MBTA engineers & partner agencies have determined that it is safe to resume Orange Line service. Trains will travel at reduced speeds in this area & bypass Haymarket Station, which is closed until further notice.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘Good call, Karen Carpenter.’

Do Charlie and Jada’s alpacas know each other?

Middle schoolers are known for their perfect defensive rotations.

Well I’ve heard Kimberley A. Martin and Cari Champion can’t even legally ride in the same Uber.

Paige Bueckers? More like Paige Buckets, amirite?

It’s physically impossible to have not heard a Foo Fighters song, even for late adoption country & western devotees.

Q: What did Troy Kotsur say when they told him he’d won an Oscar? A: WHAT?!

I’m not saying The North End Restaurant Community should take inspiration how to deal with the Mayor from that slapping incident at the Oscars, but..

I could almost go there
Just to watch you be seen
I could almost go there
Just to live in a dream.

But no, I won’t go for any of those things
To not touch your skin is not why I sing
I can’t help myself
I’ve got to see you again.

Now is fighting allowed in the PHF, or do they just tease someone ’til they develop an eating disorder?

Honk if you remember the Ice Capades.

Can’t wait to see the Top Gun sequel. How many of Admiral Iceman’s ribbons are for volleyball?

You have to worry about all those Dikembe Mutombo-type eighth graders.

Are bucket hats the new painter’s caps?

I bet Eddie Andelman call that song ‘Everyone Forgets About Bruno.’

That was a big win for Trackhouse Racing.

I do not now know enough details to conclude whether or not Jabril Peppers will be part of the compensatory pick calculations.

The thing is, the Foo always win out in the end.

Thanks again to all the March Sadness voters for getting us this far.

Best bet for the weekend: more blueblood basketball than a horseshoe crab pick-up game.

For Old Friend BBtL.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, pseudonymous radio professionals masquerading as a sibling, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Dark, like the shady corners, inside a violin.

Erin Gray, who probably didn’t deserve that slap. Probably.

03/23/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Story Time! PTT!

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Antivernal Equinox. Yes, I say ‘antivernal.’

John Clayton always looked to be the picture of robust good health. RIP.

Everyone but YOU got better!

News Item: The Red Sox will wear a patch this season to commemorate Jerry Remy. A nicotine patch?

The secret to the Celtics success? They dropped the umlaut.

In some ways “We Are All Patriots”, but in a more correct way Ty Montgomery is now a Patriot.

Are we sure Cesar “The Abuser” Peralta is capable of such a heinous act?

Cakes are cooking for Teresa Ganzel, Steve Redgrave, John Strohm, Yasmeen Ghauri, Jonas Bjorkman, and Jason Kidd.

The 15 also possess hypersonic missiles. No, you can’t see them.

I’ve been saying “What would they do with Leonard Fournette?” in my Lou Gorman voice talking about Willie McGee.

And now I’ll have lunch.

It’s a bad look to sell more PS5’s than you actually have on hand, Karen Guregian. It is!

One note on the NBA: Does anyone else miss the twenty second timeout?

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Everyplace is a bathroom if you really want it to be.”

Not often you hear Semisonic’s other song.

Whoever the referee was who decided that the signal for the 3-point shot was 1 arm raised (3-point try) and the second arm raised when it goes in… that guy was an absolute genius. The signal for an exciting play is the same as a universally understood symbol for excitement.

What’s with the billowy slacks? Can we bring back the tight pants, clams?

Middleborough/Lakeville Line Train 011 (11:15 am from South Station) is operating 5-15 minutes behind schedule between Montello and Middleborough.

Ah yes, please explain to me, a baseball editor, that spring training games do not count!

It’s hard to hate plumage.

Honk if you remember red pistachios.

Hey, I’ve got an idea for new Bruins defenseman Hampus Lindholm’s nickname: ‘Lindy’.

Ever so rarely that man in a million’s born
Gentle and soft, but who’d just as soon off you,
For looking the wrong way as not

‘I didn’t even recognize youse cuz you look nothing like your mugshot!’ is probably considered a good thing to say when being introduced to a mobster.

The lesson from last season shouldn’t be “Do what the Rams did.” It should be “Any given Sunday.”

That junkie horse from the Kentucky Derby died?

That package of turkey from the deli grab-and-go section was $13.50, and not the $3.50 I thought it was? Less than ideal.

The PC Friars hoopsters will have some tough calamari to chew facing Kansas.

Will now be tweeting some random thoughts.

Best bet for the weekend: Bobby Dalbec adding to his Grapefruit League-leading RBI totals.

From The 15/15 Vision Eye Chart Column:

SPOTTED: Michael Stipe & Claude Julien splitting a basket of loaded fries at Cleveland Hopkins Airport.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Laszlo Panaflex and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Hit the Panic Button! 

And Happy Birthday to actress Nicholle Tom.

03/16/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Theyah ruining my Ides of March, caller! (h/t ITT From Route One in Brookline)

Thanks to all who are participating in the March Sadness Biggest Mediot Tournament. the voters, not the media.

News Item: They hear you.

The Red Sox have starting pitchers to show us how many weird ways people can injure themselves, apparently.

It would be laugh out loud hilarious if someone tweeted that Brady came out of retirement because his children were poorly behaved.

Why not this Bruins team?

Every Patriots transaction that doesn’t get less in return than the Herschel Walker trade isn’t a fleecing you weirdos.

NBCSN couldn’t have brought Dickerson back for a day to work the bleep button for KG’s jersey number retirement ceremony?

Cakes are cooking for Flavor Flav, Patty Griffin, Pat Harlow, Blu Cantrell, Alexandra Daddario, Theo Walcott, and Joel Embiid.

What happens in The Sandlot if you hit a ball into the rusted-out junk car? Ground rule double?

An Alpha can’t get drip fits that cost bands without his bag, son.

Maybe Deshaun Watson just misunderstood the boundaries of the legal tampering period?

There’s nothing like a good quality order of onion rings.

You know, back in the day, The NIT was the Tournament everyone paid attention to.

Scott Hall won’t be down to re-form American Starship with Dan Spivey.

Hey gang of valor thieves! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Looking for some fisting pumping fun for your big night!?”

The Raiders traded Khalil Mack in September of 2018 to the Bears. The following month, they traded Amari Cooper to the Cowboys. Three seasons later, each of them has been traded again just two days apart.

Who divided up the days into hours
The hours into minutes
How could they really be that smart?
Who divided up the minutes into seconds?
They must’ve had a broken heart
Must’ve had a broken heart

So that Billerica/Boston College kid the Bruins just signed has an Irish last name, but the French misspelling of Mark? Must be one of them New England mixed marriages.

Don’t know why I checked in on Touch and Rich, but Plain Black Hat thinks the hyperlocal Lizzie Borden house is in Salem.

Saw two girls fistfight at Sullivan’s Tap after a Celtics win last week so yeah, I’m thinkin’ Boston’s back.


What happens when Purdue plays Wisconsin? Who gets all the calls then?

Red Line: Delays of up to 15 minutes northbound due to a train with an earlier mechanical problem at Downtown Crossing.

My attitude about the new MLB labor deal is that I’m happy to be the last person to figure what was done. As long as we have a season, I’ll get the details when they matter.

Back in my day all you needed for a SWAT show was a cool theme song, a bread truck painted blue, and Bobby Urich.

Hey well I’m the friendly stranger in the black sedan won’t you hop inside my car
I got pictures got candy I am a lovable man I’d like to take you to the nearest star
I’m your vehicle baby
I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go

I’m your vehicle woman
By now I’m sure you know that I love ya (love ya)
I need ya (need ya)
I want you got to have you child
Great God in heaven you know I love you

Re-watching The Little Mermaid and something I didn’t catch the first time is that Ariel says she is sixteen years old and the film ends with a wedding.

Your profile picture is you at Gillette.

The year I officially gave up on playing college basketball was 1997 when I began taking classes at Harvard… Makes the math easier.

Bill forgot to develop Winovich! Like a roll of film in an old desk drawer!

Amanda Bynes has revealed that a Hollywood director once cruelly told her that she ‘looked like a monster’ in certain lighting.

Best of luck to the UMass Minutewomen in the distaff roundball Tourney.

An NFT to WEEI’s Larry Johnson would be ‘no feeling (in) toes.’

Honk if you remember Dennis Brolin.

You’ve got to be careful, dealing with idiots. They’re apt to catch you by surprise by doing something so dumb you wouldn’t believe a grown person could actually behave like that.

No more sports news programming over to NESN?

The lockout really reduced the number of Red Sox writers from March Sadness consideration. An oversight.

Spulpits are mostly trust funders passing time away at their Dad’s finance firm until they can realize their lifelong dream of being the next Breer or Princiotti. Useless.

Best bet for the weekend: Providence Friars once again lucking out.

You got another one of your own, KG.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Coma and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Time for the Follies. Cya on the Weekend Thread.

And we’d be remiss if we did not wish a happy birthday to actress Lauren Graham.

03/09/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer


Are you doing your part to decide who moves on in the March Sadness Biggest Mediot Tournament?

Level with me: is it too late in the season to start my backyard rink?

I wasn’t going to gamble online until the betting sites began signing talentless dipshits to produce content.

Why not this Celtics team?

I hear tell my buddy Bootleg Barnicle has instructed the maids to refer to caviar as ‘Freedom Fish Eggs’ for the duration of the current crisis.

Does Russell Wilson think lightning will strike twice in Denver and he will get carried to a Super Bowl win by the Broncos defense?

Hope the Packers shareholders won’t have to work extra shifts at the plant or get a side hustle to pay Aaron!

A letdown loss after a successful West Coast road trip isn’t the end of the world, Bruins fans.

The Revolution kick off Leg 1 of the Scotiabank Concacaf Champions League Quarterfinals Wednesday night at Gillette Stadium. Tickets are available.

Cakes are cooking for Tony Lockett, Michael Patrick MacDonald, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Clint Dempsey, and Oscar Issac.

Kyle Van Noy released: Dan O’Brien Kia commercials hardest hit.

One of my favorite Coach K memories over the last 40 years was Dickie V always referring to her as ‘the beautiful Mickie Kryzweski’, in case anybody thought he was lying about his glass eye.

Jim Rice: kind to injured little girls, mean to reporters. I’m okay with that.

You will NEVER see a live action MCU film where Graviton is the main villain but any Marvel head knows he’s a major Avengers foe. Most people don’t read comic books. Reality is, the cartoons or live action films/shows are the entry point for most people watching these movies…

So I tune in to the NEC Men’s Basketball Conference Championship game and a Mexican soccer match broke out!

Bobby Wagner, any relation?

Mister we could use a man like Claire Chennault again.

An NFL player that took last year off to deal with “mental health” issues spent the off-time gambling on games, then spent today reacting to his suspension with a series of LOL tweets. But yeah, they definitely should have cut Agholor, given up draft picks and paid Ridley $11MM.

Why did you buy the vitamins if you’re not going to remember to take them?

If you want some way to let the people around you know Pasta Is A Good Kid, but nonverbally; you may soon be in luck.

Hey gang of immunized cheeseheads, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “however, reports about me signing a contract are inaccurate.”

Have a more obvious frame-up of Britney Griner, Russian border agents. You can’t!

Basketball players vaping weed? C’mon, Boogie.

Green Line B Branch Update: Regularly scheduled service has resumed.

Alex Bowman doing the legacy of the No. 48 car proud with a win at Vegas.

d. Nobody likes a fatso, Elton John. Disappointing.

In a voice message sent to a group chat that has been widely shared in Dominican baseball circles, David Ortiz, perhaps the most influential baseball voice in the country, came out strongly against the international draft, according to a copy of the message obtained by ESPN.

‘Cause you’ve got personality
Walk (with personality)
Talk (with personality)
Smile (with personality)
Charm (with personality)
Love (with personality)
And plus you’ve got a great big heart!

Ben Allbright pretending to be hacked by Russians is still the greatest Twitter moment.

I just looked it up. Merrimack is still ineligible for postseason play until the 23-24 season.

Honk if you remember gasohol.

So does only Russia get to have oligarchs? You’d think Greece would have some.

This “fake reporter” is trying to be better. As I said have a nice day.

No Foxboro franchise tag slapping?

Will Mr. Entenmann’s casket be white with a clear plastic window? RIP you baking legend.

Congratulations to Robert Kraft and Dr. Dana Blumberg on their engagement.

Why do I have to wait until October to watch Oz?

I’m going to call it ‘The Drew Lock Trade’.

Best bet for the weekend: an unexpected winner of The PLAYERS Championship at TPC Sawgrass.

The only Robert Wagner that matters.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW poster Pats67 and the members of #the15 were used in this column. So over (over and over) And over (over and over) Oh, I’ll be a fool for you.

Alexandra Daddario. Approve!

03/02/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Bruins goalie Jeremy Swayman named NHL rookie of the month for February.

Baseball Opening Day cancelled? We’re gonna need a bigger mood lamp.

A Twitter meltdown is a gift for everyone.

Maybe Jetes should have listened to Glenn Rivers?  “Rebuilding is hard.”

Why the hell does Aaron Rodgers need to do a cleanse? He doesn’t shit himself enough during the playoffs?

Here’s hoping Phil Mickelson finds another sponsor that is also all CONSONANTS.

Vitali Klitschko is the mayor of Kiev? How am I just finding out about this?? Next you’ll tell me ‘Peanut’ Tillman is now an FBI Agent!


Cakes are cooking for Raimo Summanen, Laird Hamilton, Daniel Craig, Amber Smith, Ben Roethlisberger, and Becky G.

Bob Kraft could have averted this whole unpleasantness if he just made Vladimir give him his ring back.

Know what’s never locked out or on strike? The Cape League. Get the family and take in some games this summer.  You won’t regret a second of it.

It must be tough being the only woman ever who has cancer and wants stuff. Dial it back, toots.

Brett Netzer just set a record for exit velocity.

Demar Derozan plays like the guys I grew up watching get buckets in the NBA back during the Horizontal Hold, Vertical Hold & turning the TV antennas until you get a clear (or clearer) picture days. I’m old.

Can anyone point me to a reliable alt-Right to English dictionary?

Green Line Update: Shuttle buses are being phased out and service has resumed with delays due to an earlier power problem near Boylston.

You don’t bring a potato chip clip to a cat fight.

Zolak thinks the Supreme Court has too many names that are hard to pronounce.

Fun Fact: Writer Gardner Fox is credited with introducing the utility belt concept for Batman in Detective Comics #29.

Remy is going to be a hard act to follow for the Sox. He just had the right balance; knowledgeable and forthright, not harsh, not attention-seeking, didn’t say stupid stuff. Didn’t lecture. Sometimes I got tired of hearing about the 1979 team, you know? Tough to follow, though.

Scal has zero idea how literally anything works. It’s incredible.

TB12 can easily squash all these “Team X will pursue Tom Brady for 2022” but he seems content to let the rumor mill churn. Seems odd to me.

I think you have to act like that if you’re given an 80’s teen comedy villain name like ‘Brett Netzer’.

Robert Parish turned 40 before the 1993-94 NBA season. He had 12 PPG 7 RPG 1 BPG in 27 minutes a night. They intended to replace him at center with Dino Radja if they didn’t draft a replacement. In the 1994 Draft, Boston picked Eric Montross at #9. They traded him in 1996.

Hey gang of not-at-all out-of-their-depth people! This week’s Phrase that Pays is: “It wasn’t all just Tom Brady.”

We atThe15net dot com join many of the in-sports community in celebrating National Psychosomatic Ailment Awareness Day.

Confusion never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks, gonna
Come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know, singing

Come out upon my seas
Curse missed opportunities, am I
A part of the cure
Or am I part of the disease, singing; You are…you are…

Met Karl Ravech in Newport once. That guy could stand up straight under a picnic table.

Here I am at Dick’s Sporting Goods. So many golfs and fishings to buy, but I’m not going to do that today. Just want to be here.

Honk if you remember ‘The Nature World of Captain Bob.’

Did Chaim have to get the goy who turns his stove on to fire Brett?

When there was only one set of footprints that’s when Zero Hedge was carrying you.

Where’s your will to be weird?

60 years ago. Wilt. 100 points. Riiiiight. Okay.

Celtics closing the gap.

It’s a good thing I finally remembered to wash all my useless cloth masks! SMDH.

Damn you Nana Gary Myers.

Are the Red Sox trying to get people to attend the Tony Mazz-called games in person?

As my buddy Wayne’s Fatha says; Happy Lent.

That Gabz. I’ve never seen someone so arrogant and offer so little to society, and I know a lawyer that defends child molesters.

Best bet for the weekend: A Toyota driver winning at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Dart Adams, Bill James, BSMW posters 02062, Chuck Schick, Laszlo Panaflex, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. And nothing else compares. Oh, nothing else compares.

Milla & Mila, both born in Ukraine.

02/23/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Finland has won its first Olympic ice hockey gold medal, beating the Russian Olympic Committee (ROC) team 2-1 in the men’s final at the National Indoor Stadium in Beijing.

Is Aaron Rodgers going to start cutting himself? That thing reads like an emo vague suicide threat.

I’m a big fan of KG’s Celtics Alzheimer’s toward Ray.

JC Jackson has the big sads he wasn’t woken up at 12:01 AM Tuesday by the sound of a Brinks truck backing down his driveway.

Austin Cindric? Thats not a NASCAR name, that’s a Star Wars name.

So my takeaway from the just-ended Olympic Games is that Norwegians are good at winter sports.

Good day to get outside today and silicone up the snow shovels.

Marchand would have been sent to Gitmo, or the Regional Reception Centre for doing what Nathan MacKinnon did.

Is Johnny Weir related to Bobby?

Although I think multiple quarterbacks will end up going in Round 1 of the 2022 NFL Draft, as of now I don’t have a definite Round 1 grade on any of the 2022 QB prospects, which would be the first time since 2013 for me.

Congratulations to Identical Best Friend Sixto on being elected to the Salón de Amigos. ¡Felicidades!

Cakes are cooking for Peter Fonda, Bobby Bonilla, Helena Suková, Kelly Macdonald, Charles Tillman, Andre Ward, and Dakota Fanning.

Aaron Rodgers said today that he isn’t ready to talk about his future because he is just coming out of 12 days of Panchakarma. That is 12 days of throwing up and diarrhea followed by levitation. I’d prefer 12 days of the Three Stooges, Abbott and Costello, followed by Meditation.

DJ Khaled is supposedly Miami’s own, but he was a ballboy for the Orlando Magic. Makes you think.

Pauly is what a Mafioso names a parrot.

Alway entertaining when the Patriots Media Pitchbot goes all T-800 on some loser.

Is ironing heteronormative?

Hard to say which led to worse bunch of hot takes, the Matt Stafford photographer fall non-reaction, or the Juwon Howard slap that set off the melee at the Kohl Center.

Gift cards won are twice as sweet as gift cards purchased.

KC Chiefs have released LB Anthony Hitchens. but keep repeating that the “Cap is crap,” mantra.

Hey gang that I’m in no way obsessed with! This Week’s Phrase that Pays is; “You’re saying that I snort narcotics?”

Happy for the Finnish Men’s Hockey Squad.

I will never understand why the Big Ten Conference takes care of Wisconsin the way they do.

If the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has a house band, why doesn’t the Baseball Hall of Fame have a house baseball team? Or two teams; they can play each other 50 games a year on Doubleday Field and otherwise tour and beat the hell out of college teams, for credibility.

Considering how much is made of Belichick’s coaching tree or lack thereof, Mike Tomlin’s coaching tree is basically a telephone pole.

Going to the IKEA and having to say out loud, “I see you have the Flerk, but do you have any more of the Flermpgh in stock?”

Insert a lyrics snippet to your favorite Mark Lanegan song here. RIP.

Red Line Update: The work scheduled for this weekend, Feb. 26 – 27, has been cancelled due to the weather.

Was Dianna Russini flown in to help Finnish skier Remi Lindholm?

News Item: Dunkin’ jumps into spring early with new Salted Caramel drinks and other items.

Honk if you remember “Where’s Huddles?”

Patriots fans seem to pay absolutely zero attention to how the team does business.

Everyone forgets the Miracle on Ice 1980 USA Men’s Hockey team played Finland in the Gold Medal game.

Galoshes; great comedy word.

For goodness sake; someone please give Tom Brady a reassuring hug.

Time for bed. Right after I wash my mouth out with soap for that foul tweet earlier.

Pasta. He is a good kid. Keep that in mind.

Paul O’Neill to be enshrined in Yankee Stadium III’s’ Monument Park? It’s a non-starter unless they plan on honoring Graig Nettles and Willie Randolph that same night.

Best bet for the weekend: franchise tags getting lightly applied outside of New England.

Haha. You dummy.
No sacred cows, sorrey!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Coma, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Have the Trees stopped Screaming, Clarice?

A car sunglasses selfie? I think this means Bianca is going to lead the truckers to Washington DC.

02/16/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

The precedent and temptation are there, but don’t do it, Detroit.

With the St. Louis Rams of Inglewood (CA) winning SB LVI, I’m happy for Sony Michel, but mostly for Cooper Kupp. Obvi.

Boston University wins 2022 Beanpot; the Terriers short, regional nightmare is over.

Celtics? Worst team riding a nine-game winning streak in all of sports.

Tuukka Rask overshadowing Marisa Ingemi is soooo hockey of him.

Cheered to see that Richard Seymour will be duly enshrined in the Football HoF. More, please.

Well I’m glad that cryptocurrency can never go the way of, say,!

Big ups to the IOC for averting an invasion of Ukraine by overturing the suspension of that doped-up 15-year-old Russian figure skater. (Editor’s Note: Please disregard if the scheduled Russian invasion transpires.)

Cakes are cooking for LeVar Burton, John McEnroe, Andy Taylor, Bebeto, Larry Jones, Elizabeth Olsen, and, ladies and gentlemen, The Weeknd.

Ahmad Rahad may still have the lead, but Bill Belichick is coming up fast on the rail in the Worst Friend Picker Derby.

The league, er, Association is propping up the 22-36 Spurs.

Why didn’t Tom just ask Easterby to Jesus the footballs to the desired PSI?

I’m sorry but why would a non-hierarchical relationship be looking for a term that’s the equivalent of a hierarchical one? If you have the equivalent of a primary partner, don’t you just have a primary partner? Am I missing something here?

Whatever, Brookline.

Andre the Giant absolutely stacked up and then pinned six midget wrestlers.

Marisa Ingemi is again a free agent.

I know it is not practical, but a fun option would be to poll the fans arriving at the park on whether they want to see a DH or pitchers batting. One ticket, one vote. The teams don’t know until game time which way it will go. Think about it; lot of fun.

Why are there power lines in these bruise evidence photos?

I was recently made aware of a few offensive tweets I made when I was in my late 30’s that have since been addressed. I wanted to apologize if I’ve ever offended anyone on that platform. I’m not the same person I was when I was younger & I’m committed to being a better person everyday.

Have you ever used pink Himalayan salt?

It’s a great feeling when that giant frozen-over hunk of snow finally flies off your car’s roof when you’re on the highway. Liberating, really.

Losing to the US in Olympic Hockey serves Canada right for beating us at the soccer.

Only the ephemeral lasts.

Nice suit, Jimmy Harden. I didn’t even know someone had an ‘ Urban Herman Munster’ collection. Looks good on you, though.

No, really: how many people are in the Dick Butkus twitter account writers room?

Giada could make a can of sardines seem appetizing.

When did OBJ become America’s Sweetheart?

Some dink commented on one of my articles saying he hasn’t seen a good piece from me yet. How brave of you to bash someone’s work while you hide behind a fake name! Try writing about a sport during a months-long lockout when there’s no real news and then you can talk shit.

Gotta say that Jacobellis snowcross run haven’t jumped out of my seat cheering like that since a Phelps race.

Marisa Ingemi is no longer a free agent.

Between Ivan Reitman and P.J. O’Rourke, it’s been a sad week for Harvard/National Lampoon alums. RIP.


Zero carbohydrate Budweiser must be pretty tasty, huh?

I don’t know if Mina is going to be able to smirk her way past all the Angry Philly Fans.

Hey gang of true romantics! This week’s Phrase that Pays is; “To my best friend and the love of my life. The one. The love”

Is David Chase broke?

You’re telling me none of the Gamgees or Brandybucks or Tooks or even the Sackville-Bagginses could have taken care of Ben Volin’s sick family, forcing him to miss covering the Super Bowl?

Honk if you remember Glick University.

I keep hearing about these Overton Windows: is that the manufacturer Johnny Pesky was associated with?

Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about bum cakes
My gal’s got ’em.
Big bottom
Drive me out of my mind.
How can I leave this behind?

Don’t feel bad Cincinnati. You still have inedible chili, Pro Football Focus HQ and Jimmy Koch’s airport and bus station main brewery.

Cedar Waxwings! Right outside! Did you see them?

I hear it took fifteen takes for that T-Mobile commercial with Miley Cyrus before they got one where she didn’t have a wardrobe malfunction.

A skit that’s like Plato and Socrates on Around the Horn…is this anything?

Fun fact: The Goodyear Blimp is the official bird of Redondo Beach, California.

So when is Super Bowl SBK?

Since you asked, the federal government specifically divides YOUR tax dollars between Israel and gay abortions. Just yours.

Slovakia? That’s like half a real country now! You can’t be losing to them! Bad hockey team! Bad!

Ask more questions! I can’t! Or can I?

Have a Happy John Valentin’s Day this Friday.

Best bet for the weekend: pitchers and catchers not reporting.

Lorum Ipsum, Larry.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. The15 remind you to clear all snow and ice from your vehicle before taking to the roads.

Not Jhene Aiko, but Kay Adams.
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