Category Archives: The Sports Junk Drawer

11/03/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Gerald. Peter. Remy. 1952-2021

Well, if you can’t win the World Series, I guess it’s okay if the team that used to play in your city defeats the team that knocked you out of the playoffs. Congratulations to the once-Boston Braves.

Nep Castiglione got the scoop on the RemDawg getting called out at third, as it were. Go figure.

Can you surf in a Fremen stillsuit?

Cam Newton led the Patriots to .500 with a win in LA versus the Chargers too, caller.

Fenway Park golf cart > Nursing Home Cat.

Aaron Rodgers didn’t get the discount double jab?

Marcus Smart who is shooting 29% from the field should shut his fucking clam.

Cakes are cooking for Dwight Evans, Dennis Miller, Karch Kiraly, Kym Hampton, and Tariq Abdul Wahad.

Okay, I’ll say it. I miss ‘Treat Yourself.’

I talked to a scout the other day- he was intrigued by Greg Dickerson’s fast twitch muscles.

Henry Ruggs III had to get home.

If Brady were still in New England we’d know that he is also unvaccinated.

Wait: Jerry, Jared, Jenna, & Jordan Remy? They’re like the Kardashians with all the K’s, but even shittier people.

Weymouth’s Own Charlie Coyle is like Tito Jackson! Or something.

Red eye flights. Yeah right,as if! LOL

Fremen ride their sandworms single-file, to conceal their numbers.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Make sure none of your buddies put a fake dick in your bag.”

Jerry can’t snap his fingers at waitresses anymore. Sad.

I want to cheer for Bolden!

Lots of buzz on the street about that Ed Lasso TV show. Is it on USA?

Sunday was be the first time this season Brandon King did not earn a NLTBE active roster bonus. His cap number will not change this week.

‘RIP Manny Remy’ – John Kerry

I still feel like MLB should let the pitchers who want to hit continue to do so.

Buy cows. Bitcoin cows!

Fremen think NBA players wear too much neoprene.

Green Line D Branch: Delays of up to 15 minutes westbound due to a train with a mechanical problem at Newton Centre.

New England Revolution playoff packages are now available.

He said “I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup
And spit out better words than you”
But you didn’t
Man, you’re kidding yourself if you think
The world revolves around you
You know you got lots to give
And so many options
I’m real sorry
‘Bout whatever happened to you.

I believe the clinical term is “high functioning”.

Seven cancer battles. Seven career home runs. Only in baseball.

Packers QB Aaron Rodgers was quoted as saying he’s been “immunized.” By the letter of the law in the NFL, that does not equal vaccinated.

Honk if you remember American Express Travelers Cheques.

As one computer said, if you’re on the train, and they say Portal Bridge, you know you better make other plans..

Lemme tell you kids, back in my day, the fun sized candy bars were the size of gorilla fingers!

Former Raiders WR Henry Ruggs III is a must sit-in all formats.

Congratulations to Michelle Wie on being the first elected female Mayor of Beantown.

Best bet for the weekend: forgetting to fall back one hour.

Smoking two packs a day. Jared Remy. ‘Name 2 known killers.’
Check out these boobs. And Jenny! HeyOHHH!!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, and #the15 were used in this column. Here comes the pizza!!

10/27/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Less than ideal.

Has the national mourning period over Joe Buck’s busy season started before this week or is it just during the World Series?

Thanks for having the troll on your podcast, Mister Wall Defender. For the watch…

Bob Neumeier is gone. And there’s a lot wrong with that.

Is it possible this Celtics roster is better built to play under Brad, and Brad’s roster last year was better built to play under Ime?

The Supporters Shield sounds like something you wear while recovering from a hernia operation. Congrats, Revs. I guess.

Sox ousted from the ALCS, and then comes a frost warning followed a bomb cyclone nor’easter. Nature knows that the summer game is done in New England.

Cakes are cooking for Manu Katché, Rick Carlisle, Mary T. Meagher, Mike Ricci, and Sergei Samsonov.

Headlights? You intend to operate my Dymaxion Vehicularaxeron after sunclipse?

A minimum of two World Series games is probably more lucrative for Atlanta than an All-Star Game. Suck it, Manfred.

The Over the Air Antenna decides Mr. Scartelli
I just follow the signal

Pasta is still a goal-scoring Good Kid.

Best player in the Ocean State. Benny Hurd. Remember the name.

Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin swiftly rejects any speculation he’d be a candidate for the USC job. “Never say next, but never.”

News Item: Eversource is prepared for the storm.

The Tom Brady 600th touchdown football guy should have held out for all the other stuff plus a white pool cover.

Cuck Modi. That’s it; that’s the post.

Betting on sports and refrigerator runs can be risky!

MBTA Commuter Rail Update: While conditions are easing across the system, significant impacts continue as a result of damaging winds, rain, & flooding. Our crews are working to resolve issues across the network but ongoing delays are occurring due to severe equipment damage, signal issues, & down trees.

Black Twitter has a problem with John Stockton? Weird!

Timothée Chalamet needs a sandwich. A panini. Or a paninée, maybe.

Big bang baby, it’s a crash, crash, crash
I wanna cry, but I gotta laugh
Orange crush mama is a laugh, laugh, laugh
Nothing’s for free, nothing’s for free.

Not big on continental breakfast items in general but a properly done salt bagel with the accoutrements and a flat white is a good change of pace.

The Joe Kelly Fuck Club has a posse.

I’ve never been a fan of wearing a snap back hat backwards. Fitted hats only.


The wins are the best because then I can listen to the Talking Radio Men dismissively denigrate them!

Charlie Morton is no Gregory Campbell.

Energy is never lost. Only transferred from one form to another. See you back on March 31. – Red Sox

Honk if you remember Rusty Jones.

No, Neumie didn’t die from complications from laminitis, why would you even think that?

I thought ‘Flat’ White was a dead ball era hurler.

Word on the street is money can be exchanged for goods or services.

“Try hard, hanger-on” > “recruited walk-on”

Best bet for the weekend: people still calling the team the San Diego Chargers.

Prove you aren’t a robot.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, @basementscout and #the15 were used in this column.

Cindy Fitzgibbon says, what are you gonna do? Stay dry, stay safe.
Bonus Seattle Weather snapshot!

10/20/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

The man you came to see.

Commissioner Goodell isn’t as unaccountable as an ordinary MLB umpire is.

A tie is as good as a draw, Revs.

Did the NHL schedule makers think the Ringling Brothers Circus was in town?

Thankfully it’s still baseball season, so these football losses doesn’t count yet. Whew!

For all you fans of the orange leather, as we embark on another NBA season, be sure to throw “Cattles On Causeway” a twitter follow. @CausewayPodcast

You can’t complain about about the refs when Mac Jones only goes two-point-two innings!

The on the PUP thus ineliglble to play malingering malcontent cornerback would have saved the game, caller.

Can they finally arrest Pete Rose now for killing Ray Fosse?

We’re hearing a certain pizza heir is single!

Cakes are cooking for Dave Krieg, Razor Ramon, Billy Zabka, Chantel Tremitiere, John Krasinski, and Candice Swanepoel.

A Touch & Rich syndication deal? Zoinks!

I for one can’t believe Hank Steinbrenner is just sitting there and letting this happen to his team!

Here for the trade convention?

Essentially: Baker Mayfield still has a chance to play the following week. But Sunday to Thursday was just too fast. Now he’ll focus on rehab and tightening up the shoulder.

Jerry Thornton still cares more than YOU.

Hey NBC Sports Boston, as the great Bob Ryan once said, what’s the fascination with Chris Forsberg?

Green Line Reminder: Shuttle buses replace B Branch service between Kenmore and Babcock St, Mon – Thurs, beginning at 8:45 PM through the end of service. Also: Shuttle buses replace D Branch service between Brookline Village and Riverside, Mon – Thurs, beginning at 8:45 PM through the end of service. More:

No. Just no.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Sure it was a bad call BUT…”

UConn football with the dub!

Well, you can make a big impression or go through life unseen
You might wind up restricted and over seventeen
It’s so hard to be careful, so easy to be led
Somewhere beyond the pavement, you’ll find the living dead

We’re all behind you, Anita. So to speak.

Media superstardom still somehow eludes Owen Pence.

Puppet Show
Chicago Sky Victory Parade

Tampa Lightning placed Nikita Kucherov on Long Term Injured Reserve today. The move gives Tampa Bay an additional $9,500,000 in their LTI Salary Relief pool.

What are the Boston Mayoral candidates stances on dog racing?

Do you think imposter syndrome (fake dynasty variant) contributed to Lane Johnson’s depression?

No one chuckles like Gene Hackman.

Please do not explain a baseball game to me that I literally just watched live at Fenway!

Ben Volin’s ‘Lets go Barves’ has the cadence of an inside joke. Sorrey!

Honk if you remember when Dan Shaughnessy was still selling ‘The Curse of Babe Ruth’ books.

This upcoming week, I’ll be investing in @iluvtacos0822‘s OnlyFans.

I may have my facts wrong, but I don’t think the Red Sox have lost an ALCS since the time the ‘chicken & waffles’ scandal led to John Farrell resigning back in 2015.

Frank Caliendo? He’s no Rich Little.

All pretend business owners should rent office space for a month. Think of the selfie opportunities!

Nothing says “sports gambling” like Patton Oswalt.

Maybe don’t be a junkie?

See, it’s funny because he’s not from Waltham but Carrabis is pretending he is. Buy a $35 T-shirt.

Cam is now vaccinated. Good job. Good effort.

Can you believe how out of touch college football twitter is? Going crazy about some no-defense game between two random teams, Texas and Oklahoma, while ignoring the tense Harvard-Cornell game, where Harvard’s undefeated season is on the line.

This postseason really has been an Earl Weaver wet dream.

Best Bet for the weekend: bringing two sweaters to The Head of the Charles Regatta; one to wear, and another to tie loosely around your neck.

“Podokesaurus to become Official State Dinosaur of Massachusetts? Roar! Ryanasaurus Bob should be official dinosaur! Outrage! Podunkasaurus not see Bill Russell play! ROAR!!”

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, Bill Kristol, BSMW poster Irregular Brian and #the15 were used in this column. Better not forget it on your shopping list –
You can stop and buy one, it’s The Wilbury Twist.

Actress Autumn Reeser. Happy Autumn, everybody!

10/13/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Look who’s out in public again after 20 months!

(Publishing note: there was a Monday holiday, but the woke counter-holiday cancels that out. Usual schedule prevails. )

The NE Revolution is clearly quitely inspiring the other local squadrons. And maybe some Marathon participants, too.

It’s like his father who is the district attorney said: You can’t script October.

New England Patriots with the same record as the sure-to-go-undefeated Kansas City Chiefs. Season back on.

Kevin Kiermaier only likes white rappers.

And that, is why you always DESTROY your cellphone rather than turn it over to the League.

Good job, UMass. Good effort, UConn.

Baseball writers: enforce the unwritten rules, but don’t follow the written rules.

Kyrie. MAGA folk hero. And still not our problem anymore.

Cakes are cooking for Jerry Trupiano, Kate Walsh, Summer Sanders, Ed Ellis, Paul Pierce, and Jimin.

I bet Dean Wormer knows how many people cared that Dan Shaughnessy’s streak of covering Red Sox playoff games in person ended last week.

I guess Coach Flores didn’t have institutional knowledge about Tom Brady. Sad.

Hazel Mae? Yes, yes she may. She may indeed.

If the SF Giants didn’t want insensitive jokes about their GM’s name then they shouldn’t have hired a terrorist. What?

Smoltz is no Glavine.

Hey there Gang participating in a coordinated effort to pump the tires of a rookie QB who has been good in five games and start fitting him for a red jacket or is it a gold one? This week’s Phrase that Pays is “an incurable case of bobo-ism.”

Frank Caliendo; meet Vaughn Meader.

Courtney Vandersloot. What are you gonna do? Tough series loss, Connecticut Sun.

Saddest Marathon Day ever.

I wish I could bet on the Glazers never having had a black friend. Thanks a lot, Senate President Karen E. Spilka!

Chaim. Owning. Or perhaps leasing at a very favorable rate.

Orange Line Update: Trains are returning to regularly scheduled service.

John Cusack! A different Barstool Dave!! Craig Calaterra!!!

Mina Kimes cares more than you do.

“Intellectually, we baseball media types are a breed apart.” “What the fuck is a ground rule double?” Same people.

Congrats on the Training Camp sex, Stihdsy.

Well, we were just another band out of Boston
On the road and tryin’ to make ends meet
Playin’ all the bars, sleepin’ in our cars
And we practiced right on out in the street
No, we didn’t have much money
We barely made enough to survive
But when we got up on stage and got ready to play, people came alive

Rock and roll band, everybody’s waitin’
Gettin’ crazy, anticipatin’
Love, and music, play, play, play, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Dancin’ in the streets of Hyannis
We were getting pretty good at the game
People stood in line and didn’t seem to mind
You know everybody knew our name
Livin’ on rock and roll music
Never worried ’bout the things we were missin’
When we got up on stage and got ready to play, everybody’d listen

Rock and roll band, everybody’s waitin’
Gettin’ crazy, anticipatin’
Love, and music, play, play, play, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Playin’ for week in Rhode Island
A man came to the stage one night
He smoked a big cigar
Drove a Cadillac car and said
“Boys, I think this band’s outtasight
Sign a record company contract!
You know I’ve got great expectations!
When I hear you on the car radio
You’re gonna be a sensation!”

Rock and roll band, everybody’s waitin’
Gettin’ crazy, anticipatin’
Love, and music, play, play, play, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

It was recently pointed out that we lost both Fred Travalena and Danny Gans in the same year, 2009.

Maybe the four backup O linemen should be the starters?

Fun Fact: Incredibly, Back to the Future 2 correctly predicted the Vegas Golden Knights would defeat the Seattle Kraken 4-3!

Ain’t no beaches in Brockton.

Shawn Crable’s Dream Journal > Mac Jones’s Improvement Journal.

The Rays champagne order can join the 1969 Lakers balloons now, I guess.

Glad that Lori Loughlin is returing to TV as Abigail Stanton.

Veteran CB Corn Elder was signed to Washington Football team active roster off the #Panthers practice squad, per agent @agentbutler1 of @agency1amg.

Honk if you remember Walt Hriniak.

Gruden wasn’t and isn’t wrong about Goodell.

News Item: Springfield Thunderbirds return to the ice at the MassMutual Center Saturday.

So it’s Houston as the ALCS opponent then? Lousy cheaters.

Scott Zolak is demonstrably terrible at his job as a color commentator.

Jim Kaat. 40 acres and a jadrool.

Mention TurtleCunt, Kirkie you coward!

This Mac Jones credit cake tastes terrible. And such small portions!

That YouTube home run ball poacher weirdo is going to beaten up real bad someday.

The only Ray I ever found likeable was Ray Goulding.

Did YOU Respect the Art today?

Best bet for the weekend: It’s called Bruins.

Wait, what?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, Those who wish to remain anonymous and #the15 were used in this column. Cool the Engines. Cool the Engines Down.


10/06/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

All this will be lost. Like tears in rain.

Can one claim a moral victory from a loss that meant Coach Bill can’t call himself the Owl any longer?

But, but the evening lottery number was 1-9-7-8! Poor, irrelevant Dan.

Go look up Floyd Giebel and get back to me.

Dondero, who nobody normally reacts to, opining about the art of entertaining, is fucking entertaining. A paradox.

It’s almost like Gilmore was malingering. Aloha, Stephon.

It’s also preseason for those crying about preseason NHL officials.

Get (h)er, Urb!

Cakes are cooking for Elisabeth Shue, J.J. Stokes, Rebecca Lobo, Richard Seymour, Daniel Brière, and Addison Rae.

Johnny Lawrence is going to be good once he gets rid of the hardo High School head coach.

JD Martinez sprained his ankle tripping over a base? Only in baseball.

Bubba Wallace winning at Talladega was even more impressive considering he was pulled over three times by the police during the race.

Please bring Bucky Dent to every game against the Red Sox, NYY.

Produce jockeys are now trying to denigrate Super Bowl rings and Hall of Fame gameplans. Technology was a mistake. All of it.

Is there minor league professional lacrosse?

Hitting range balls before a charity scramble is a clown move.

It’s always funny to me when the pregame show has to hype up NFL games for two hours and then has to be throw in the “stay tuned to ESPN for some great WNBA action!”

Schefty breaking out the MAN WALKS ON MOON headline font for the SHOCKING release of Gilmore. FFS.

Ha! You call that a turnip?

Good luck to the talented and delightful Katie Nolan on her next project which I will never watch or listen to.

Imagine paying for a $28 shirt in 4 monthly payments.

The 15: sex positive.

Hey gang of enjourtainerulists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Respect the art.”

Who knew paying Steve Buckley to watch Leo Durocher on The Munsters wasn’t a viable business model?

I drink a lot
I get naked a lot
I like man coverage for my Defense
I keep it simple and I let the Players Play

That halftime show is going to cure racism. You watch.

Blue Line Update: Delays of up to 15 minutes due to an earlier signal problem at Orient Heights.

Rehab worked fine for me, but I didn’t spend the whole time arguing with everyone there about the illuminati.

Kyrie. Not our problem.

Marisa Ingemi only got another beat writing job because the league expanded, caller.

Arcand looks like the 3rd runner up in a Jason Segel lookalike contest.

Oh remember my darling
When spring is in the air.
And the bald headed birds
Are whisp’ring ev’rywhere.
You can see them walking
Southward in their dirty underwear.
That’s Tennessee Bird walk.

Gotta win this one, Connecticut Sun.

What’s this about Pandora Peaks being back in the news?

Panthers GM Scott Fitterer has already made 8 trades in his first year on the job: Traded away: QB Teddy Bridgewater, OT Greg Little, LB Denzel Perryman, Traded for: QB Sam Darnold, CB Stephon Gilmore, CB CJ Henderson, DE Darryl Green, K Ryan Santoso. Wheeling and dealing.

Somebody primary challenge Spilka. Please. I wanna bet on sports in the Commonwealth!

Fandom = delusion. That’s why I don’t consider myself a fan. I’m simply an educated observer who prefers one particular outcome over the other. If you’re not hating the teams you root for 90% of the time, you’re doing it wrong.

Honk if you remember Garber’s Gorillas.

Really though; doinking the upright should be worth 4 points.

Now which one is Vanessa Carlton and which one is Michelle Branch?

I don’t think that crowd was chanting ‘Let’s go, Brandon!”

The Ringer has recorded TWO separate podcasts in which some white dudes gather to rewatch The Depahded, yet not a single iota of WNBA content in sight … at least be original in your brazen disrespect!

This has to be one of the greatest Red Sox teams of the Covid Era.

The joke’s on the Athletic; Buckley purchased an entire bolt of vintage uniform flannel at the linen auction!

Where was the Fake Spike King with the Gilmore scoop?

Best bet for the weekend: Sale. Owning.

Revs rout Montreal Impact, 4-1.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW poster Hacksaw and #the15 were used in this column

I love base ball.
Happy for Britney. The toplessness represents freedom!

09/29/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

We can’t believe it either.

The Red Sox are giving the thumbs-up from the hospital bed.

Kyrie is anti-vax AND going to use it as an excuse to skip games? I’d say he’s playing 3D chess but I don’t think he believes in that level of geometry.

Alex Guerrero can’t get cuffed and frog-marched soon enough.

I think the Bruins have a netminder that can steal you a game. Finally.

Hi Weather Girl! Panties or bra? LOL

I think Dean Wormer knows how many times previous Belichick has been likened to an owl.

Kirk! Aiden! Talk about Aiden, Kirk you coward!

Cakes are cooking for Andrew ‘Dice’ Clay, Hersey Hawkins, Erika Eleniak, and Jake Westbrook.

When it comes to frozen Walmart pizza, the name I think of is “Dave Portnoy”

When it comes to deciding which is worse, I used to think it was nostalgia bias, but as of late I have come around to believing what’s actually worse is recency bias.

Have more gimmicky singing shows, Fox.

Jamie Collins? No Interest.

Keep up the non-losing streak, New England Revolution!

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “multiple un-named sources.”

There are zero normal women in law enforcement.

Blue Line: Delays of up to 15 minutes due to a maintenance train inspecting the overhead wires. Trains may be asked to stand by at stations.

Now it’s apple picking weather.

If there are any Hollywood guys reading. . .the athlete that you could make a GREAT movie about would be Big Bill Tilden. I promise you: there is no other story like that one anywhere else in sports.

Maybe if Belichick was a Dr. Robert Leonard client he’d get some positive press.

Why don’t they build the whole plane out of effort?

Jerry was a race car driver
He drove so god-damned fast.
Never did win no checkered flag
But he never did come in last.

Jets WR Jeff Smith, not at practice today, was in a car crash heading to the facility this morning, source said. He will be on the injury report today with details of what he’s dealing with.

That Blair! Amirite?

That was a pretty ugly half of football. Looked like two teams and offenses that kinda miss the HOF franchise QBs they used to have. #NotYourDadsPatriotsvs.Saints

Honk if you remember the Mercury division of the Ford Motor Company.

Emmy Award-winning Katie Nolan is a free agent.

Daughtry is a super underrated band. I’ve probably said it before- but I’ll say it again.

CBS has three FBI shows?

Maybe people act like a jerk to Bob Kraft because they know they can get away with it.

Best bet for the weekend: MLB Playoff Wild Card reshuffling.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Coma and #the15 were used in this column. Captain Pierce was a fireman. Richmond engine #3

You have our permission to boo this man Sunday.
It is also Halsey’s birthday today. HBD, H.

09/22/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Bah De Yah.

A draw is as good as a tie, Revs.

Bringing in Otto Graham to a ‘greatest quarterback ever’ debate is the football equivalent of Godwin’s Law.

Keep Cashman and Boone. Please.

I rate that Applebees commercial 4 wet teddy bears and 1 singing hood ornament.

Juancho Hernangómez? Frankly, it sounds made up!

Happy Autumnal Equinox, Merle.

Restore the four pitch intentional walk, MLB.

I wonder if Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend voted for Annissa Essaibi George?

Kirk is having problems with interpersonal relationships!

Cakes are cooking for Joan Jett, Mike Richter, David Adjaye, Emmanuel Petit, and Ashley Eckstein.

“All Gas, No Brake” is a really fucking perfect Jets slogan. Good way to slam into a ditch.

A Bruins ‘Captains’s Practice?’ Sounds like a violation of the league collective bargaining agreement to me.

Aaron Schatz is Jewish? Huh.

Jerry Thornton having the hackiest Earth, Wind & Fire 9/21 tweet was taken off the board in Vegas.

Do the Bills have institutional knowledge about the Dolphins?

Hey 5 bouroughs gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Miss the Accelerator, Hit their Dick.”

Reggie Jackson is two days older than Cher. That is all.

“i didn’t get beat out! i didn’t get beat out!!”, cam continues to insist as he slowly shrinks and transforms into a corn cob


Buccaneers place WR Antonio Brown on reserve/COVID-19 list.

Lisa Byington. That’s it. That’s the post.

Additionally, you taunters may get off of John Mara’s lawn.

Ok, we get it: Dan Campbell’s a hardo. How many different ways can you say it?

Six, Two and Even.

Evan Lazar has fluid hips and grinds tape.

Green Line Reminder: Shuttle buses replace B Branch service between Kenmore and Babcock St, Mon – Thurs, beginning at 8:45 PM through the end of service. Also Shuttle buses replace D Branch service between Brookline Village and Riverside, Mon – Thurs, beginning at 8:45 PM through the end of service.

De La Cretaz? Not really LatinX. But dresses like DJ Bean’s imaginary friend.

I know you’ve heard it all before.
So I don’t say it anymore.
I just stand by and let you
Fight your secret war.

And though I used to wonder why.
I used to cry ’til I was dry.
Still sometimes I get a strange pain inside.
Oh, Joey if you’re hurting so am I.

Starting a Heritage Month on the 15th is taking mañana culture a bit far, dontcha think?

Happy Mo Lewis Day Eve, everyone.

Honk if you remember the White Fuel Sign atop the Hotel Buckminster.

The Connecticut Sun is playoff-ready.

Do you know another tune though, Tom Senior?

When things end with #The15, they tend to end emphatically.

Kitchen when? Kitchen Now!!!

Is it time to declare the Mac Jones experiment a failure? My column…

Best bet for the weekend: rain out at the Eastern States Exposition, BKA ‘The Big E.’

Back in the day. Amirite?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and #the15 were used in this column. Never was a cloudy day.

Not Ruthie, but Rosie. Rosie Langello.

09/15/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

“The more I think about it, the more I appreciate the Equator.” First real Larry King, now Fake Larry King Norm Mcdonald. RIP.

Take this down. Paul Pierce is a Hall of Famer.

Red Sox stil make the playoffs. Probably.

You see, Mac Jones completed too many passes on Sunday.

Lou Merloni is a shameless, mumbling company man.

Smerlas reminiscing with Ordway about two a day’s in training camp! Who is this postgame show for? 

Norm Macdonald dead? Damn those snowmobiles!

Cakes are cooking for Earnest Byner, Chad Bratzke, Tom Hardy, Heidi Montag, and Jenna Marbles

Matthew Fairburn is the new Julian McWilliams. Just less thorough.

Kevin Harlan is terrible and so is whoever his non-union former Chiefs sidekick is.

Sorry UMass broke your quarterback, Boston College.

Find someone who loves you as much as Mittens Volin loves Ryan Fitzpatrick. (Who played for Harvard.)

Not sure who that guy was, but everyone knows the real Steve from Blues Clues died in Vietnam.

The Jets are working out a group of punters, including longtime Saints P Thomas Morstead.

Joey Gallo is the Gene Tenace of 21st century baseball.

Enjoyed Bill Russell’s previously written, confused hostage Hall of Fame acceptance speech which generously praised his wife. Wonder who wrote it?

Snobbar som Jobbar.

Pats OL Trent Brown’s calf injury lists him as made the scene, week to week, day to day, hour to hour.

Deep down, I suspect Millwall does care.

Hope Stihdsy enjoyed the apple picking on Sunday.

I see Megan Fox is trending. Is she playing Lady Macbeth?

Have a scragglier chrysanthemum. You can’t!

A British woman tennis player won the US Open? What next, a blancemage winning Wimbledon?

Won my fantasy football opener after drafting Kyler Murray. Thanks, Josh!

WARRIOR Ice Arena. That’s it. That’s the post.

95% of sports media would be just as happy to cover the red carpet arrivals at the VMA’s or the Met Gala.

I don’t eat boiled mutton or jellied eels on 7/4, but that’s just because I’m normal.

I missed Brimfield? Oh no.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “I don’t know anyone who voted for Annissa Essaibi George.”

News Item: the troubled Boston Sports Journal financially unable to complete warm snuggly blanket giveaway promotion.

I mean, who does Kayce think she is, Doris Day or something?

Green Line E Branch Update: Regularly scheduled service is resuming.

Get over yourself, goodbye (goodbye)
It must be hard to be you yeah
Livin’ in your life
I was always the one to cry (to cry)
Now everything, everything, everything is alright.

Sneaky Orange Hobbitses!

Great news, you guys. Kid Hocules will be the referee next week!

Honk if you remember the Who’s More Grizzled? SNL skit.

Sketchers. Comfortable as advertised. 

Knock-Knock. ‘Who’s there?’ TJ Ward. ‘TJ Ward who?’ EXACTLY.

Do Joey Murray’s outfits come with a ukulele?

Best bet for the weekend: Revs start another winning streak.

Revolution. On a record-setting pace.
Abby. Normal. Not crying out for attention, like some people I could name.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and #the15 were used in this column. Based on a true story.

09/09/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Still your New England Patriots all time rusing leader.

I wish I could decide if the Red Sox season is over, or if they should start getting their playoff rotation in order.

It’s not imposter syndrome if you aren’t actually talented.

RIP, Nomar from The Wire.

The Super Bowl champs get to play the first game of the new NFL season? Since when?

RIP, former New Orleans Saint great, David Pattern. Rest easy.

I really don’t think that one voter not voting for Derek Jeter is much of a news story.

And not Sam “The Bam” Cunningham as well! RIP.

Cakes are cooking for Jim Corsi, Adam Sandler, Jill Sudduth, Michael Bublé, and Michelle Williams.

Find someone madder than Ma Scartelli that college football is preempting the start of ABC World News Tonight. You can’t!

Giambi was safe.

Jeff Howe now covers the whole League for the Athletic, bro. Congratulations.

Just found the english muffins…in the freezer. That’s a new one.

Dugie benched on his own bobblehead night? Rough swag.

Raiders star TE Darren Waller has added to his representation, bringing on agents Damarius Bilbo and Kelton Crenshaw of Klutch Sports Group to work with him.

30,000 Trupianos at Fenway think every ball hit into the air is a HR.

The gap between the U and the serif of the B in Upton Bell’s logo is low-key enraging.


It came out in 1956, and Bill Doggett’s “Honky Tonk, Part 2” has stood the test of time as the greatest Rock era instrumental of all-time.

See if you can hold BC under 70 points, UMass. Please.

Why didn’t Jeter’s parents include a ‘don’t get the herp’ clause in his contracts? 

Having to issue a clarification of a statement about the difficulties of coaching during this pandemic that was intentionally misconstrued into an anti-vaccination screed is probably why Belichick dislikes the media.

This may be they year I actually buy a cowboy hat at The Big E.

Where are my Revs fans readers at?

Orange Line experiencing southbound delays of about 10 minutes due to a train with a mechanical problem at Chinatown.

Green Line B Branch Update: Trains are returning to regularly scheduled service.

There is no “n” in “restaurateur”.

In a way-back corner of a cross-town bus
we were hidin’ out under my hat.
Cashin’ in on a thirty year crush;
You can’t be young and do that.
You can’t be young and do that.

Honk if you remember 2 PM start times for Baltimore Colts games.

The statue is famous!

Whenever I travel to Buffalo I always check into the hotel under the name, “Swanton Zubaz.”

If Top Gun: Maverick had come out when it was first scheduled, everyone who enlisted in the Navy the day after seeing it would now be in the Reserves phase of their hitch.

Best bet for the weekend: Coach Flores sending blitzers after Mac Jones.

Great catch, great player.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster NASCL and #the15 were used in this column. Ignore the noise.

It’s Hispanic Heritage Month, maybe, so here’s Bianca de la Garza.

09/02/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

The Mac & Cheese stands alone.

Man, what lousy luck for the Red Sox to get hit with all these breakthrough COVID cases.

Gasper raises a good point: When have we ever seen accurate passers who spread the ball around be successful in this offense? Not for at least 1 years!

I’m sure the next Minifan live event will get the show back into the red! Or the black, whichever the good one is.

That was a well-timed loss, NE Revolution. Michael Gee would approve.

Can Scott Zolak wear a standard issue Klan hood, or does he need to go custom for the wonky eye?

Source: CLNS is laundering hot takes through Greg Bedard and the BSJ.

Cakes are cooking for Keanu Reeves, Lennox Lewis, Salma Hayek, Tommy Maddox, and Katarina Studenikova.

And a happy 90th birthday soon to the Springfield Newspaper’s Garry Brown!

ISIS-K, the New Coke of terrorist organizations.

From Cris, to Jac, the next Collinsworth’s Christian name will be just two CONSONANTS.

Schwarbsy. Owning.

Masking fatigue may be real, but at it’s worst doesn’t require getting hooked up to a ventilator.

Asante Samuel should do a podcast with Ted Johnson.

Carles Gil seemed to be grievously injured, but now is back? That never happens in soccer!

At this rate Zo is going to suggest it may be a good idea for Mac to have season ending knee surgery.

Allston Christmas is too commercialized nowadays.

Man, it has been so hot out, I’m hearing Andy Hart has been dating Nancy Quill just for the shade!

Bon Voyage, Jonah Keri! Ne fait pas tomber le savon.

The market for wildly inaccurate Montreal Expos articles dried up, I guess.

Heyyy besties, this week’s Phrase that Pays is”Considering talking about football is my job, I think I know.”

“Arm Talent?” Not actually a thing. Sorrey!

‘Antivaxxer Conservative Radio Talk Show Host’ just passed ‘Aspiring Rapper’ on the mortality rate charts.

Orange Line Update: Service is suspended between Ruggles and Jackson due to water in the track area. Customers can use Route 22 service between stations. Customers can also use Route 39 service between Forest Hills and Back Bay.

John Havlicek, who was the best all/around player in the NBA for four years.

Jed Hoyer > Brian Hoyer.

Bill is having the Pats training staff treat the team with horse paste and aquarium cleaner, caller!

Sometimes I swear they raise the gas prices just before holiday weekends.

Power lines!

Schedule more cupcake non-conference opponents, UConn Basketball. You can’t!

Florio’s take is something your dumbest acquaintance at work wouldn’t even say. “Imagine if the Bucs signed Newton?” would be met around the cubicles by the biggest “so the fuck what?” in the history of Earth.

Who do you think the vaccinated Red Sox player is? Tell us your best guess in the comments!

Jungle Cruise in on Dale Arnold’s Top Ten list of films based on amusement park rides.

Did it rain last night?

It was pleasure to cover Cameron Newton. He was funny, accountable and personable despite sucking shit. I enjoyed our weekly chats about how his day was going during media sessions. Best of luck to him.

So Carles Gil has his own Alex Guerrero? Interesting.

Bishop Sycamore, 2nd Century saint & martyr, whose impromptu sermons brought peace to those Christians about to be attacked by beasts in the Roman Colusseum; patron saint of athletic mismatches.

Pro tip: Vermouth? Not shelf stable. Refrigerate after opening.

Carson Green is now headed back to the #Texans practice squad, source said.

Honk if you remember “Ellis the Rim Man.”

News Item: Western Massachusetts residents preparing to close their pools for the season.

Cam was just turning his life around.

Your computer is like an umpire. When you have an argument with your computer, the computer always wins.

I have waited with a glacier’s patience
Smashed every transformer with every trailer
‘Till nothing was standing
65 miles wide..

Everything breaks their way, UMass football could go 6-6. Here’s hoping.

Apple cinnamon is significantly tastier than Pumpkin spice.

Can’t straight think? Slunk jeep.

Bedard wants a parade for the guy who threw 8 TDs. SMDH.

How can there be no blotchy Irishman in the running to be Mayor of Boston?

The practice squad is for stashing.

Kinda getting sick of grilling. There: I said it.

Best bet for the weekend: Trumping an All-Pro NFL player in football knowledge using your Fisher-Price credentials.

Chris Sale. Sy Syms probably wouldn’t have cared much for him, but Boston fans do.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Kingasaurus and #the15 were used in this column. Looks like a pump, feels like a sneaker.  

Katie. Keen!
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