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Football Cat’s Week 9 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on November 5, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

Fun cat fact of the week: In the 11th century, Madrid was under Arabic domain, and a very high wall was built around the city to defend it from Christian invaders. In 1085, the Christian troops of King Alfonso VI approached the wall under cover of darkness. One of his soldiers managed to climb the city wall by inserting his dagger between gaps in the stones as foot-holds. His fellow soldiers began calling him “Gato” because he climbed the wall with the agility of a cat. To commemorate this feat, that soldier and his descendants assumed the name of “Gato”. That is why all Madrileños are referred to as “Gatos”.

However to be considered a true “Gato” you must have been born in Madrid, and both your parents must have been born in Madrid, and all four of your grandparents must have born in Madrid. Otherwise you are, as the kids would say, a larper.

The inverse rule applies to “Italian” and “Irish” Americans

Sunday Breakfast Time
Bengals (-3) at Falcons
Los gatos atigrados muelen a palos el pene

Sunday Lunch Time
Broncos (-2.5) at Panthers
Black Cats bust Broncos

Cowboys (-6) at Colts
Cowboys corral Colts

Jets at Chiefs (-9.5)
Natives knock Knickerbockers

Lions (-7) at Dolphins
Felines feast on Flipper

Browns at Saints (-1.5)
Sheduer shreds Saints

Giants (-3.5) at Eagles
G-men win the Shukri Wrights Bowl

Rams (-5.5) at Commanders
Blue wave swamps the Pinkos

Sunday Dinner Time
Texans (-4.5) at Chargers
Chargers are powerless

Raiders at 49ers (-9.5)
Niners roll Raiders

Packers at Patriots (-2.5)
Maye beats Meatmen

It’s almost an anagram for: “Man beats Maye’s meat”

Cardinals at Seahawks (-10.5)
Seattle wins bird battle

Sunday Prowl Time
Buccaneers at Bears (-6)
Bears bounce Bucs

Monday Prowl Time
Bills (-2.5) at Vikings
Buffalo wings Norsemen

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 8 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on October 29, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

Halloween Jokes to delight your Trick-or-Treaters

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by it’s diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

Why did the Ghost of John Dennis’s go to the bar?

To get some Boos!

Why did zombie Chris Gasper get kicked out of church?

He tried to eat the organ

What is A.J. Brown’s favorite Halloween candy?

Butterfingers

What does Robert Kraft give out for Halloween?

Boo-logna sandwiches

It was either bologna or little blue squares

Sunday Lunch Time
Ravens at Bills (-3.5)
Hairy cows spook scary black birds

Titans at Bengals (-10)
Stripey cats pounce on flopping Tits

Cardinals at Cowboys (-6.5)
Boys BBQ pretty red birds

Vikings at Lions (-2.5)
Jungle Kings dethrone Vi-Kings

Colts at Jaguars (-7.5)
Spotted cats corral colts

Raiders (-1.5) at Jets
Jets keep Raiders below the Mendoza line

Browns at Steelers (-3.5)
Elves yoke Yinzers

He’s making a list and checking it twice, so you know it’s accurate

Falcons at Buccaneers (-1.5)
Penix pumps Baker’s boys

Sunday Dinner Time
Chargers at Rams (-7)
LA wins! (Horny sheep version)

Chiefs (-1.5) at Broncos
Broncos bust Indigenous Peoples

Patriots (-7.5) at Dolphins
Patriots squish the fish

Greatest non-Super Bowl win in franchise history!

Sunday Prowl Time
Eagles at Commanders (-3.5)
Swamp Things make Philly look silly

Monday Prowl Time
Bears at Seahawks (-3)
Fake Seabirds put Bears into early hibernation

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 7 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on October 22, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

From The Collaborative that brought you the Immaculate Squid and your daily SteveRdle, comes a new brainteaser… Is It, 1789 or 2026?

Today’s clue:
“Following recent events in the Bastille neighborhood, and after careful consideration, we felt it appropriate not to move forward with the planned event in Paris”

Is It, 1789 or 2026?

If you guessed 1789, well sorry 24601, you will not be taking home any fabulous prizes to little Cosette.

The correct answer is 2026!

Since no one won today’s game, all the prizes will auctioned off with the proceeds to be split amongst the interns.

Thank you for being with us today, and remember to please help control the dog population. Have your dogs spayed, neutered or donated to scientific research. Goodbye, everybody!

L’heure du Petit-Déjeuner du dimanche
Steelers (-3) at Saints
Les Saints de La Nouvelle-Orléans triomphent et s’offrent un défilé de la victoire sur les Champs-Élysées

Sunday Lunch Time
49ers (-3.5) at Falcons
Purrdies rub Penix the wrong way

Buccaneers at Panthers (-3.5)
Black cats cook the Baker boys

Giants at Texans (-10)
Everything is bigger in Texas, even the Giants margin of defeat

Colts at Vikings (-6.5)
Norsemen discover that Carlie Irsay-Gordon’s notebook is full of cookie recipes.

Dolphins at Jets (-4.5)
Jets soar over tanking Phins

Browns (-1.5) at Titans
Brownies bite Tits

Bengals at Ravens (-3)
Stripey cats pounce on Poes

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos (-4.5) at Cardinals
Mile Highers club Cards

Packers at Lions (-3)
Jungle Kings devour Meatmen

Rams (-4.5) at Raiders
Horny sheep leave Las Vegas with a win

Sunday Dinner Time
Chiefs at Seahawks (-2.5)
All three generations of Kenneth Walkers will be celebrating

Monday Prowl Time
Cowboys (-4.5) at Eagles
Dallas does Dom

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 6 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on October 15, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

This weekend coxswains and cocksmen from across the globe will be flowing into the Hub of the Universe to take part in the world’s largest Regatta… The Head of the Charles!

Prep school lore has it that the phrase “Lose your shirt” originated in the crew tradition of shirt-racing, when members of the losing team were obliged to strip the racing shirts off their backs and hand them to their opponents on the water. Today crews pass shirts on the dock, tempering the humiliation of their defeat. This delay of the exchange has allowed savvy rowers to pivot to trading less expensive shirts for cost saving purposes. Any penny pinching cox out there are encouraged to visit the official The15net store for a wide variety of affordable and fashionable t-shirts.

Sunday Breakfast Time
Texans at Jaguars (-3)
Spotted cats topple Texan tourists

Sunday Lunch Time
Bears (-3) at Falcons
Bears slap Penix-less birds of prey

Ravens (-4.5) at Browns
Scary black birds bomb Browns

Titans at Colts (-7)
Horses honk hooters

Jets at Patriots (-7.5)
Patriots intercept Jets

The first 100 people in line receive a free bag of sawdust

Saints at Giants (-1.5)
Popes pop Pituitaries

Panthers at Eagles (-1.5)
Black cats sauce Big Dom’s meatballs

Steelers (-3) at Buccaneers
Steelers bake Bucs

Sunday Dinner Time
Cardinals at Rams (-13.5)
Cardinals get crushed in the City of Angels

Chargers at Chiefs (-8.5)
Chefs cook Chargers

Bills (-6) at Raiders
The Mafia controls Vegas

Sunday Dinner Time
Cowboys at Packers (-1.5)
Pokes prevail in the Ice Bowl rematch

Monday Prowl Time
Commanders at 49ers (-7.5)
Purrrrdy swamps DC

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Uncategorized

Football Cat’s Week 5 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on October 8, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

From the home office in Shedd Park…

Drake Maye’s Top 5 Conspiracy Theories:
5. Fumbles aren’t real
4. Chemtrails are creating atmospheric disturbances which are increasing the number of interceptions
3. Prolonged exposure to the electromagnetic field emanating from Robert Kraft’s surveillance bunker is weakening the soft tissue of the players
2. The real Bill Belichick is being held captive in the lighthouse while his clone is out damaging his legacy
1. Fluoridation caused Mike Vrabel to have a six year affair with Dianna Russini

I do not avoid women, Drake, but I do deny them my essence

Sunday Breakfast Time
Eagles at Jaguars (-4.5)
Spotted cats enjoy a win over a spot of tea

Sunday Lunch Time
Bengals (-7.5) at Dolphins
Stripey cats feast on fish

Vikings (-1.5) at Saints
Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints? Dey be the Vikings.

Raiders at Patriots (-3.5)
Birds may not be real, but Drake Maye IS!

Browns at Jets (-2.5)
Brown out shuts down New York

Texans (-6.5) at Titans
Texans top Tits

Colts at Steelers (-2.5)
Yinzy over Indy

Giants at Commanders (-3)
Greek Giant skins Washington

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos (-3.5) at Chargers
Bolts shock Broncos

Lions (-5.5) at Cardinals
Jungle Kings devour pretty red birds

Bears (-2.5) at Packers
Meatmen grind out a win

49ers at Seahawks (-3)
Fake Seabirds soar as Purrdy slumps in the perpetual rain of Seattle

Wet gray cat sitting beneath a sidewalk awning on a rainy city street — Yet another miserable rainy day in Seattle

Sunday Prowl Time
Ravens (-3.5) at Falcons
Penix slaps the Scary Black Birds

Monday Prowl Time
Bills at Rams (-2.5)
Horny Sheep clip Hairy Cows

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 4 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on October 2, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

The calendars may gave flipped to October, but our top scientists at CoCoRaHSS have discovered a strange atmospheric phenomenon, emanating out of One Patriot Place, resulting in all of New England being transported back to Mid-Maye!

The “Community Collaborative Rain, Hail, Snow and Suck Network”, more commonly known as CoCoRaHSS (pronounced KO-ko-rozzzzzzz), is a grassroots volunteer network of backyard football/weather observers of all ages and backgrounds, working together to map precipitation and piss poor quarterbacking in their local communities.

Sunday Lu̶n̶c̶h̶ Second Breakfast Time
Colts (-3) at Commanders
Indianapolis Jones skins Commies

Jets at Bears (-3)
Da Bears scramble the Jets

Titans at Ravens (-11.5)
Tits may be ass

Packers (-3.5) at Buccaneers
Green topples Tampa in the “Battle of the Bays”

Patriots at Bills (-6.5)
Bills batter Bledsoe 2.0

Drew Bledsoe but with an extra chromosome

Jaguars at Bengals (-2.5)
Spots over Stripes

It’s advanced fashion, you wouldn’t understand

Cardinals (-1) at Giants
Due to Jaxson’s injury, Brother Jim told Brother John to get JJ to back up Jamesis. J-Men win!

Rams (-2) at Eagles
American Birds soar over road weary Rams

Cowboys at Texans (-2.5)
Houston has too many problems

Félicette made it back alive, suck it Laika

Sunday Dinner Time
Dolphins at Vikings (-10)
With Arch Manning in Miami and Dante Moore with the Jets, in 6 months the Patriots may have the worst QB in the division. Minni over Miami.

Chargers at Seahawks (-6.5)
Fake Seabirds make Brother Jim wish he had traded for JJ McCarthy

Chiefs (-4.5) at Raiders
The Autumn Wind is a Raider, pillaging just for fun. He’ll knock you ’round and upside down, and laugh when he’s conquered and won… but not this time!

Broncos at 49ers (-3)
Bucking Billies struggle at sea level

Sunday Prowl Time
Lions (-3.5) at Panthers
Black Cats dethrone Jungle Kings

Monday Prowl Time
Falcons at Saints (-2.5)
In a stunning reversal, Popes penetrate Penix

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 3 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on September 25, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

🚨 A Storm Team 15 Weather Alert! 🚨

If that crazy, fat, bald, old man who lives alone in his creepy basement apartment has seemed extra irritable lately, it’s not only because he’s been getting his teeth kicked in on Twitter every day (although that’s 99% of the reason). It’s also because his rheumatism is probably acting up due to the impending Nor’easter (that and his eleven meniscus surgeries).

Nor’easter Preparedness Tips:

Stock Up on the 4 B’s: Beer, Bread, Batteries and Beer
Secure the Exterior: Bring patio furniture, garbage cans, and any small children indoors
Protect Windows: Baseball season isn’t over, but it might be time to install the storm windows
Clear Drainage: Send your wife up the ladder to clean out the gutters and downspouts
Vehicle Prep: Keep your gas tank full. Remember, much like your beer fridge: “half full is empty”
Check on Your Elderly Neighbors: They may have some extra beer

Stay safe, keep your paws dry, and remember: if the house blows away, you still have eight lives left.

Sunday Lunch Time
Chargers at Bills (-7)
Bills short circuit Bolts

Panthers (-2.5) at Browns
Black cats poop out Brown turds

Texans (-2.5) at Colts
Someone has to win, and Indy lost the coin flip

“What’s the most you ever lost on a coin toss?”

Jets at Lions (-6.5)
Kings of Beasts feast fancy on Gino’s Jets

Patriots at Jaguars (-2.5)
Spotted cats pounce on Maye’s many mistakes

Chiefs (-11.5) at Dolphins
Miami is definitely “Planning for Manning”©

Titans at Giants (-6)
Tits bounce G-Men

Bengals (-3.5) at Steelers
Stripey cats won’t be caged

Seahawks (-6.5) at Commanders
Fake Seabirds soar in the Swamp

Sunday Dinner Time
Cardinals at 49ers (-8.5)
Purdy’s cats swallow pretty red birds

Don’t look back. Something might be gaining on you

Vikings at Buccaneers (-2.5)
Bucs shake and bake the Norsemen

Raiders at Saints (-3)
Saints stay above the Mendoza line

Ravens (-3) at Cowboys (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)
Pássaros pretos assustadores venceram os gauchos

*Don’t you wanna play the beautiful game out in Brazil*?

Sunday Prowl Time
Rams (-2.5) at Broncos
Horny sheep thrive at elevation

Monday Prowl Time
Eagles at Bears (-3.5)
American Birds leave Bears bawling

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 2 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on September 18, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

A statement for immediate release from New England Patriots and Gillette Stadium Owner Robert Kraft…

🚨 LOCAL MUSICIANS WANTED 🚨

Are you looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?

Do you possess an instrument, a pulse, and absolutely zero financial ambitions?

Do you know how to keep your opinions to yourself?

Brilliant! Because we have the perfect opportunity for YOU! We are putting together a band to open for legendary singer songwriter and all around mensch, Mr. Ed Sheeran on September 25th and 26th. Our previously booked act, a highly unprofessional meshugener schmuck, tragically canceled on us. That putz’s loss is your golden opportunity!

What We Offer
Unparalleled Exposure: Play for a stadium full of people that was expecting someone else entirely!
The Thrill of the Rescue: Bask in the heroic glory of saving our event from absolute disaster.
Complimentary Air: Breathe all the ambient oxygen you want while on stage.
Free Refreshments: A half-empty cooler of lukewarm Gatorade awaits you backstage, plus one (1) complimentary bologna sandwich after your performance is complete. (NOTE: The sandwich will only be available on night two.)

What We Need
Anyone who can carry a tune, hold a beat, or at least look convincing pretending to do so. Someone with absolutely no opinions on anything, especially regarding an obscure ongoing minor dispute in the Middle East. A performer with a deep, spiritual understanding that “art is its own reward” – because you won’t be getting paid.

If this sounds like you, please bring your gear and your talent down to One Patriot Place. We will supply the mandatory blue square pin.

Sunday Lunch Time
Panthers (-1.5) at Falcons
Black Cats pounce on predators

Vikings at Bears (-5.5)
Bears knockout Norsemen

Bengals at Texans (-3)
Stripey Cats give Houston problems

Steelers at Patriots (-5.5)
Kraft bans Qanon Rodgers from preforming at Gillette

Packers (-4) at Jets
Meatmen grind up Gotham

Eagles (-7) at Titans
American birds top Tits

Saints at Ravens (-8.5)
Scary Black Birds martyr Saints

Browns at Buccaneers (-8.5)
Bucs bake Brownies

Sunday Dinner Time
Jaguars at Broncos (-3)
Spotty cats love high places

Raiders at Chargers (-7)
Plugs turn out Vegas lights

Seahawks (-4.5) at Cardinals
Fake Seabirds swarm pretty red birds

Commanders at Cowboys (-3.5)
Cowboys master Commanders

Dolphins at 49ers (-12.5)
Prospectors fry fish

Sunday Prowl Time
Colts at Chiefs (-6.5)
Watch out Men of Czonka, 17-0 is still on the table

Don’t go popping that champagne just yet

Monday Prowl Time
Giants at Rams (-7)
Horny sheep gore G-men

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 1 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on September 11, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

Our long national nightmare is over! Football Cat has returned to brighten your humdrum lives and fill your coffers with money.

If you live under a rock and are unfamiliar with THE Football Cat™, our AI overlords have been kind enough to provide this brief bio:

Football Cat is a humorous NFL prediction feature on the Football Cat Category page of The 15 website.

Who is Football Cat?

Location: Lives in New Hampshire.

Hobby: Loves watching football.

Identity: Literally a cat.

What Does Football Cat Do?

Weekly Picks: Shares regular NFL game predictions throughout the football season.

Special Events: Publishes special columns for holidays and big events, like Thanksgiving games and the NFL playoffs.

Funny Commentary: Uses silly nicknames and jokes to describe teams and matchups.

Sunday Lunch Time
Bears (-2.5) at Panthers
Windy citizens blow past black cats

Buccaneers at Bengals (-3.5)
Stripey cats claw out a win over Corsairs

Ravens (-3.5) at Colts
Scary black birds coral Colts

Saints at Lions (-7)
Jungle kings knockout N’Awlins

Bills (-1.5) at Texans
Hairy cows stampede Texicans

Browns at Jaguars (-7.5)
Spotted cats flush the Browns

Jets at Titans (-1.5)
Assmen pancake Tits

Falcons at Steelers (-3)
Men of Steel can Tua ~~Fish~~ Birds

Sunday Dinner Time
Packers at Vikings (-1.5)
Cheesemen ooze over the Juicy Lucies

Commanders at Eagles (-4.5)
American birds bash Commies

Dolphins at Raiders (-3.5)
Miami is “Planning for Manning” (copyright)

Cardinals at Chargers (-10.5)
Bolts zap pretty red birds

Sunday Prowl Time
Cowboys (-2.5) at Giants
Pituitaries pop Pokes

Monday Prowl Time
Broncos at Chiefs (-2.5)
Indigenous people bust Broncos

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Sorry Sixteen Preview – March Sadness 2026

Posted on March 23, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

Welcome to Round 3 of March Sadness 2026, when the true pieces of shit separate themselves from the turds.

You can’t tell the players without a scorecard

If you were expecting a “Sour Sixteen” preview, then we have one word for you… SORRRRRREY! It’s now the “Sorry Sixteen” © ℠ ® ™ _{^{Patent Pending}}. And a very sorry preview it is…

Region C
1 Greg Bedard vs 5 Dan Shaughnessy
It took overtime for Shank to sneak into the ~~Sour~~ Sorry Sixteen by the skin of his McTeeth. Look for Bedard to kick his balls up around his head.

The sun will come out tomorrow, but only for one of these two

2 Fred Toucher vs 3 Adam Jones
Fred Toucher spent a lot of time last week defending himself against accusation of racism. You know who doesn’t spend a lot of time defending themselves against accusations of racism? Non-racists. He doth protest too much advances.

Region V
1 Jim Murray vs 12 Chris Curtis
Advancing to the Sour Sixteen may be the second most shocking thing Curtis has ever done, but Large Gymnasium wins the battle of the bald middle aged dimwitted overconfident flash boys.

Curtis, in happier times, with the most shocking thing he’s done.

2 Marc Bertrand vs 3 Andy Hart
The Far Side kid burns lil’ Andy with his magnifying glass

Region N
1 Gabrielle Starr vs 4 Kevin F Paul Dupont
The woman in sports snips KPD’s sports manhood

2 James Stewart vs 3 Michael Felger
Jimmy Stewart gives Felger the Lavanchy treatment.

Gentleman, hide your ladies… and your cats

Region T
1 Ted Johnson vs 5 Scott Zolak
We will finally get an answer to a question that has been confounding medical experts for decades: Which causes more long term cognitive issues, head trauma or substance abuse? We’ve got good news, you can keep doing drugs kids, CTEd snowplows Zo.

2 Chris Gasper vs 3 Albert Breer
Breer sends Kid Gas to the golden showers.