The 15

News Item: Red Sox graciously allow other AL squads to win Golden Glove Awards. Again.

This Bruins team is showing signs of being special, even more special than Charlie Jacobs’ most special mare.

If you are denigrating an in-Conference win at an opposing stadium, that’s on you, reader!

Short Story: The Nets see a mattress on the curb with INFESTED WITH BEDBUGS spray painted on it: “Hmm, what’s the catch?” And local (+ Sactown) area dummies, watching the Nets appraise the mattress: “Go outside and tell them that will cost them $100!’

‘Snowy Ramble’ is an anagram for Wosny Lambre.

Mull on that.

I hope World Series Game Seven won’t conflict with the Thanksgiving Day NFL games. First to the joke!

Bring more leftover Halloween candy into the office.

Cakes are cooking for Ken Rosewall, Dave Stockton, Stefanie Powers, Alan Jones, Jason Smith, Orlando Cabrera (allegedly), Roddy White, and Danny Cipriani.

I was hoping Nets assistant Schlomo Finklestein would be given a chance take over as interim HC for the fired Steve Nash.

Don’t blame me because you don’t understand what you said.

Change your life, bro.

Mattapan Trolley Update: Regular service is operating this morning.

A great god-nephew sounds like a real thing.

I hope the Red Sox weren’t hoping against hope that Chris Sale would opt out of receiving 55 million dollars.

Takeoff just wanted his flowers. And now he’ll get them. Sad.

An anagram for Wosny Lambre is ‘Womanly Serb.’

Hey gang of affiliated podbros, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The answer is literally in the pudding.”

Do you remember that day (that sunny day)
When you first came my way?
I said no one could take your place
And if you get hurt (if you get hurt)
By the little things I say
I can put that smile back on your face

Ooh, and it’s alright and it’s coming along
We gotta get right back to where we started from.

It has been a tumultuous time for the Colts offense, as they benched QB Matt Ryan and now fired OC Marcus Brady. They are 3-4-1 with a chance to hit a stride. A lot on coach Frank Reich’s plate now.

Can Dov Kleiman swing a monthly charge for his bluecheck?

To be fair, it’s not surprising an electrician doesn’t understand what ‘gaslighting’ is.

Sometimes flea flickers have such down bad energy.

Pro Tip: A perfectly delivered ‘well said’ is sure to spice up your marriage!

Hypocrisy is, after all, the homage vice pays to virtue.

Christian McCaffrey’s 49ers locker is in between George Kittle’s and Charvarius Ward’s and right across from Jimmy Garoppolo’s.

All the F bombs mixed in with the annoying lisps make them sound extra tough.

Don’t believe Mac Jones was actually sacked, sheeple! He was inviting Lawson into the backfield for a gay tryst and fell down! Look at the evidence!

‘Many Bowlers’ is an anagram for Wosny Lambre.

I’ve found one positive change on Twitter so far; I can now share beheading videos.

Yesterday I passed a tow truck and the poor driver was sobbing uncontrollably. I thought, “He’s headed for a breakdown.”

I keep wanting to call all the Michaela’s at work, ‘Michelle’, because that’s what they would have been named had they been born when I was.

Honk if you remember Tom Thacker.

Attention all philosophy professors: from now on, Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel is to be known as Georg WTF Hegel. You’re welcome.

Lot of experts on how to break windows with hammers out here.

I once told a parent who was upset that I didn’t plan on giving his kids any candy that I did not celebrate pagan rituals in my house. First thing out of his mouth, in front of his kids? “Fuck you.” I bet he voted for Trump.

Hampsy? If so; HAMPSY!!

Why all the yellow seats, John Henry?

Nothing like the ripe smell of porta potties to wake you up in the morning.

Yo ho, yo ho; a pirate’s life for me.

I’m sure Kyrie also knows this great documentary about how men are falsely accused of misbehavior by women all the time.

Wosny Lambre may be a bad person.

Best bet for the weekend: one last batch of Maggie Hassan ads, pro and con.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Miserable Fellow, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Come on and lead me on. Come on and tease me all night long. Loving you, I know it’s right, I’ll always need you, I’ll never leave you.

Everyone NE fan at the Monday Night Football must have felt like they wasted a night waiting for The Great Pumpkin instead of trick-or-treating.

Bruins have been skating their winning lane and aren’t yet at full strength.

Brian Cashman fears no reprisals!

Really, really need a home win this weekend UMass Football.

At least the Celtics can still go 81-1.

I’m hearing that Red Sox assistant GM Eddie Romero visited Rafael Devers in the Dominican Republic on his birthday so he could personally count the number of candles on the cake.

Cakes are cooking for John Cleese, Lee Greenwood, Patty Sheehan, Rick Carlisle, John Kasay, Vernon Lewis, Kristi Richards, Brady Quinn, and Lonzo Ball.

The Astros pitching staff has cornered the market on shitty hairstyles.

All Rockport Line Commuter Rail trains will terminate and originate at Salem until further notice due to a signal issue. The Beverly to Rockport shuttle bus will accommodate passengers to and from Salem station.

Keep the silver game pants, Pats. Lose the Bad Idea jeans, Bill.

Bert Breer tweeting about Jalen Hurts in an Astros hat is Peak Bert Breer. Well, it was until his follow-up tweet, I guess. Still stand by my point, though.

People are acting surprised that Eric Hosmer is blocking Padres fans on Twitter. To be honest I’m surprised more athletes don’t do it. Former Boston Bruins defenseman Dougie Hamilton blocked me and I didn’t even know he was on Twitter. Not sure what I did, but Dougie’s loss.

Kyle Lowry is fat enough to work for 98.5. JK, fatness aside, he is otherwise ineligible to work for the Sports Hub.

Ted Johnson has white knights? Huh.

So wait, I’m supposed to get different candy in case trick or treaters come by who claim to have peanut allergies? Nut allergies are made up, like, ‘fibromyalgia’, or ‘long COVID’, or ‘thyroid cancer.’

When the Patriots aren’t playing on Sunday, and the Bruins and Celtics both have the day off as well, Red Zone Channel is an extra great treat.

Children born in 1989, the year “Seinfeld” premiered, are now the same age as George Costanza on that show.

Ava Raine has that Alexa Ray Joel ‘looks like her dad’ thing going on. Unfortunately.

Hey gang of sensibly proportioned people, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “So there are illegal midgets out there?”

Does anybody know how the story really goes
Or do we all just hum along
Sell your soul and sign an autograph

Big bang baby, it’s a crash, crash, crash
I wanna die, but I gotta laugh
Orange crush mama is a laugh, laugh, laugh
Spin me up, spin me, spin me out.

Apparently the cure for cancer is VIP tix to the Patriots and a Kraft, Bon Jovi meet and greet. Moonshot! Thank you Joe Biden!

James Gunn about to pump out some more HITS, we’re eating good!

Following an offseason in which they were severely limited in terms of cap flexibility and without a first-round pick, the Bears are now set to enter the 2023 offseason with picks to draft with and by far the most cap space in the NFL ($100M+). Plenty of resources to work with.

Love how they say its the mile high club. But it’s really 6 miles and change lol do your math. Regardless…. It’s awesome.

I was watching the Phillies/Astros 1980 NLCS game. Luzinski was a big Polack.

Pasta’s Good Kid-ness is enduring.

“I feel great”, I think those were Oscar Wilde’s last words.

The site could use a dedicated coffee mug salesman.

There are 29% more games in which a player scores exactly 1 run than games with 1 RBI. But 2 Runs Scored and 2 RBI are almost perfectly even, and there are 8 times as many games in which a batter drives in 4 runs than games in which he scores 4. 5 runs/RBI, 70 times as many.

Danielle Murr was back in radio?

You’re never out of the game if Stephen Curry is on your team.

I thought TIE Fighters couldn’t operate in planetary atmosphere. Is this something from the computer games that is no longer considered canon, or am I just misremembering?

Honk if you remember Banana Milk Duds.

So glad David Ortiz didn’t do what Tom Brady is doing. As sad as his retirement was, he went out on top.

Zappe gets the Glengarry Playbook.

Who knew Antonio Brown was a scorpion? Besides everybody.

Is Bet with Dicey worth a look every week? It is if you like winning money! BET!

Grant Williams is innocent!!

TMZ gave Jerry Lee Lewis the ol’ Pat Burns dead/not dead treatment?

World Series’ that involve teams that switched Leagues just hit different.

Watching the video of Harper’s homer back and … wow, that camera guy on the field while he rounds the bases is really intrusive. May be just me, maybe got great shots, but that’s history and injecting the cameras into it feels off to me.

Weird that there was no mention of Ben Volin in Chad Finn’s Boston Sunday Baseball Paper media column.

Congratulations to Elon on purchasing Twitter low after the company’s stock price tanked.

Best bet for the weekend: cocky Jets fans.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. What would you do? What would you do if I followed you? What would you do? I follow.

Sorry for the delay. (shrug) Happy PreFriday.

Bill Russell no doubt approved the Celtics beating Philadelphia in the opener.

Goal scoring so far doesn’t look to be a problem for the Bruins.

Is Bailey Zappe a system quarterback yet?

It’s time for Steve Perrault to embrace his true vocation: playing Uncle Fester in a dinner-theatre troupe.

Were Stidhsy and Kennedy invited to the wedding?

Cakes are cooking for John Lithgow, Lynn Dickey, Evander Holyfield, Brad Daugherty, Jon Favreau, Prakazrel Michel, and Louis Oosthuizen.

The newspaper helped promote MLB to kids as much as anything. We used to read box scores and league leaders for hours, plus the baseball cards. Kids don’t do any of that anymore.

Gregg Popovich, the unofficial sommelier of the NBA, has six players on his roster who cannot legally drink.

DC should only let Matt Reeves and James Gunn touch their properties. Put the adults in charge.

NESN blows. Sure, spend all your money on digital boards that at best distract and at worst don’t track correctly while not getting the audio to work.

Calm down Marty Mornhinweg.

Blue Line Update: The work scheduled for the rest of this week has been cancelled.

Cute, fun, made up story, Ben!

Adalberto Mondesi is 27 now. Does he still have a chance to be a good player, or is he out of time?

There’s no electrical plates in here!

Celtics interim head coach Joe Mazzula burns off nervous energy by chewing gum. Ime should have tried that.

Brady skipped two practices and a walkthrough this week and had the balls to yell at his linemen during the game?

Hampsy?

How does Netflix not have Snoop Dogg’s voice saying “so just chill ’til the Next Episode” when you hit ‘still watching?’

Tyquan Thornton should wear 3-inch thick wristbands.

Glad to see Bill Russell’s widow getting some airtime. She’s earned it.

If you have two Mike Florios you really don’t have any.

‘The 76’ers are letting the Celtics take open shots in game 1 of 82 in case they see them again 7 months from now in the playoffs’ is a wild theory, Sam Vecenie. Wild.

Meghan Markle thought she was going to use her international relations degree for the role of “Suitcase Girl”?

Take all the time off you need, Carlos. Get your house in order, Media Mike.

Nick Wright is what DJ Bean would look like to me if I took acid and drank one Miller Lite.

Zappe Fever is not even a real medical condition, big brain.

News Item: Toucher and Rich bringing show producer Mike Lockhart back, and paying his entire salary. In a related story, Adam Jones to send Christian Arcand a ‘tough break, pal’ note, as soon as he finds out where he lives.

Slade’s Bar Grill is a Boston institution for a variety of reason.

I wish I was the brakeman
On a hurtlin’ fevered train
Crashing headlong into the heartland
Like a cannon in the rain.

With the beating of the sleepers
And the burnin’ of the coal
Counting the towns flashing by
In a night that’s full of soul.

With light in my head
You in my arms.

Springfield Thunderbirds looking for their first win of the AHL season in Laval tonight.

I wish Joe Torre was still involved in baseball somehow.

Who knew a lingering side effect of Sochi Stray Dog Eye AIDS was increased levels of pomposity?

Honk if you remember actress Zoe McClellan. And if you see her, idk, contact law enforcement, I guess.

Major League Baseball is better when the Yankees are contending for a World Series every season. There; I said it.

There’s just something special about physical tickets, very cool.

Bill Russell loved Aloe Blacc. And VistaPrint.

Tired: Everyone in the building hates Mac. Wired: Every other member of the local sports media hates Volin.

Have to believe #1 Son Jonathan gave dear old dad the lovely gift of an iron-clad prenuptial agreement.

Did Jack Easterby’s wife look back at the Texans facility and turn into a pillar of salt?

A least your Sounders are the CONCACAF Champs, Seattle.

Welcome to mortgage-free Wester Mass, Mark Daniels. Springfield; It’s like a baby Providence.

No driving angry, Bubba Wallace.

Taylor Heinicke takes over for Carson Wentz for now for the Commanders. Can he get the ball more to Terry McLaurin?

Best bet for the weekend: Yankees match up well against their nemesis Houston Astros.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Audacy employees who choose to remain anonymous, BSMW poster Lefty, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Avarice and greed are gonna drive you over the endless sea. They will leave you drifting in the shallows or drowning in the oceans of history.

The October Hunter’s moon has been so bright you could read a newspaper by it. If people still read newspapers.

Alphas don’t lock their twitter accounts.

Mookie Betts has one more post season RBI in a Red Sox uniform than Ian Kinsler, caller.

Deucedly polite of the Red Sox to not extend their season further into October so as to give the Bruins and Celtics the local spotlight.

A GOOSE! On the FIELD! During a Playoff Game! Can you BELIEVE it!?

Krejci had 4 points in his return to the US while Bitsy Griener rots in a Russian jail over a CBD vape pen.

Cakes are cooking for Mike Barnicle, Jerry Trupiano, John Ford Coley, Pat Day, Doc Rivers, Jerry Rice, Kate Walsh, Nancy Kerrigan, Summer Sanders, Roger Lima, Paul Pierce, and Park Ji-min.

Baseball injuries are so absurd… And this isn’t me saying “baseball players are pussies.” But in no other sport do dudes get hurt carrying deer meat up a flight of stairs, or burning themselves by ironing a shirt…while wearing the shirt.

When do we expect/estimate this year’s World Series to end, does anybody know?

MBTA Update: If you worked here, you’d be on your train right now.

It’s a fucking Drake lyric!

The Sullivan Tire commercials make me miss home.

Former Panthers coach Matt Rhule had several opportunities last offseason for big-time college jobs, but he turned them down to stay in Carolina. Now, he’ll have his choice of coveted college jobs.

Garapollo saving everyone’s ass out west. Good for you kid

Extra Toasty Cheez-It’s are a top tier snack.

Why do you hate sporting teams honoring indigenous peoples as worthy warriors?

Before the term “bullshit” moved into mass circulation, the term most often used for that was “bunk”. I think “bunk” was derived from an earlier term, “bunkum”. I think that usage of the word “bunk” is rapidly becoming archaic. I don’t think you hear or read it much anymore.

I want heart rate on players so bad. Test it like they do with mic-ing players up.

Hey gang, the sense I get from inside the building is that this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “This, presumably, is to set up a lawsuit.”

There’s two fake Justin Ramos’s. The real one and the other one.

Knock-Knock. Who’s there? Christian Arcand. Not anymore you’re not! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Yesterday was David. Lee. Henderson Day. The David before the David.

South Shore is the king of pizza while North Shore is the king of roast beef in this state.

Have 30 Seconds To Mars and 5 Seconds of Summer ever appeared at the same music festival before?

I’ll never understand the incessant noise they play at Dodger Stadium. It’s just plain obnoxious.

These are the days of miracle and wonder
This is the long distance call
The way the camera follows us in slo-mo
The way we look to us all

The way we look to a distant constellation
That’s dying in a corner of the sky
These are the days of miracle and wonder
And don’t cry baby, don’t cry
Don’t cry.

Wait until Kirk investigates the Iroquois death on Season Three of ‘The Case’!

Honk if you remember the Cambridge Aku-Aku.

The Padres uniforms look like what I imagine Guatemalan UPS drivers wear.

Krejci, what is that, Italian?

Have fun making pizzas again Patriots practice squad feel-good story guy.

So the Tampa Bay Lightning abuse LTIR and underage high school girls, allegedly?

We need more political ads where the candidate’s family definitely loves them.

I feel bad for Tommy Trombone, or whoever they guy was the Mets closer entrance song was done by.

Best bet for the weekend: Coach Bill not being up front about injuries, not like cool Coach Shanny.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Mama don’t take my Kodachrome away.

Not that this should be our first concern, but was there any damage to the Red Sox’ spring training complex when Ian went through Ft. Myers?  Anybody know?

You can’t spell ‘Moral Victory’ without an L. Sorrey!

The success of Brady’s marriage was all Belichick. Good job letting that amêijoa talk you out of New England only to get divorced anyway, Tom.

Bruins will have some tough roster decisions to make.

Giants quarterbacks Daniel Jones (ankle) and Tyrod Taylor (concussion) are injured. With the next game in London, anyone they sign will need to have a passport.

Mmm, yes, quite impressive, the American League 162 game season home run record. Wow.

Cakes are cooking for Clive Barker, Imrah Khan, Careca, Michael Andretti, Mario Lemieux, Patrick Roy, Josie Bissett, Grant Hill, Kate Winslet, and Javier Villa.

It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall all alone. You count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops.

Celtics are still a couple players short…of being able to roll out a starting 5 who have been involved with one of Kris Jenner’s daughters!

Sliders are really just flattened meatballs.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Nothing better to do this morning, weirdo?”

The Baseball Paper would like to point out the Red Sox will still end the year winning at least 60 more games than the Patriots will.

Who gets custody of Youk?

But if you get rid of the abusive youth coaches you won’t have youth sports.

Black guys love wearing hats of teams they don’t root for.

The “What does Vegas know?” guy is my favorite kind of dummy.

You go and apologize right now to Aaron Rodgers and Peter King you impudent young man!

Red Line Update: A wet leaf is reported to be on the tracks. Expect delays.

my name more precious to be diamonds n Gold

Y y’all keep playing with my character

they tried to barry me forgot i was a

Seed

The fat, sweaty bald guy who sings the chorus on Gangsta’s Paradise is still with us though, right?

If Arthur Fonzarelli were a Milwaukee City Councilman, what would he say to indicate a vote in the negative? Nayyyy!!

Father wears his Sunday best
Mother’s tired she needs a rest
The kids are playing up downstairs
Sister’s sighing in her sleep
Brother’s got a date to keep
He can’t hang around.

Our house, in the middle of our street.

Commanders RB Brian Robinson has been designated to return to practice. An incredible recovery after being shot last month. He can play as early as this Sunday.

Honk if you remember Socks Seybold.

Good job, UConn football.

First the Queen of England, now the Queen of Country. RIP, Loretta Lynn.

Sanibel was one of the most places I’ve been.

The Patriots are bringing out epic uniforms to play… the frigging Lions. Yuck!

Don’t tell me my package has arrived at the shipping location when all that really happened is that a label was printed.

Someone needs to reassure Benny and Vivi that even if Gisele and Tom do divorce, it doesn’t mean they will be treated like Jack.

You really can’t beat the ‘3 leather belts for $15’ deal in the Better Living Center during The Eastern States Exposition.

Force ghost Dick Rehbein advises Bill on drafting quarterbacks.

Running after that tire was a bad move, NASCAR Camping World Truck Series pit crew guy.

This crazy dude at Boca Pavilion that wore knee high socks on his arms talked like Antonio Brown raps. No difference.

Did Brian Hoyer watch MacGruber on the flight back from Wisconsin?

Christian Bale. Underrated.

Best bet for the weekend: Maggie Hassan ads on all the Boston stations.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. One Step Beyond!!

 So there. For the 4th consecutive autumn, the Red Sox are not going to win the World Series.

Who does Ime Udoka think he is; Gene Lavanchy?

Get well soon, Mac Jones. Hoyer will game-manage until you are well. Say well more.

Always interesting to see which MLB teams remember to wish their Jewish fans a happy new year.

But Brett Favre!!

Bruins. No pressure on you.

Happy METCO Gorilla Day. At least John & Gerry learned their lesson from that one.

Cakes are cooking for Bridgitte Bardot, Steve Largent, Ron Fellows, Anne White, Grant Fuhr, Janeane Garofolo, Moon Unit Zappa, Jeezy, Emeka Okafor, St. Vincent, and Hilary Duff.

The Bills Mafia Kubler-Rossing their way through not getting the 20-0 season they expected is pleasantly diverting.

This Judge home run watch has turned into a slog, like waiting for Yaz’s 3,000 hit.

Actually was in line behind a nice little old lady who held up the 12 Items or Less lane by paying with a check. It was like an Elvis sighting.

Biggest thing I took out of that whole segment is not only Jeys demeanors with Sami but Jey sideyeing Roman hard when he had the mic and Roman asked for it back.

There are still 77 newspapers?

Red Line Reminder: Shuttle buses replace train service between JFK/UMass and Broadway this weekend, October 1 – 2, from start to end of service.

Maybe don’t let the players pick the next coach?

Ravens DT Michael Pierce suffered a biceps tear in Sunday’s win, sources say, but there is not definitive word yet on how to proceed and if Pierce can continue playing at some point this season. Those tests and decisions are ongoing.

At least Roush Fenway Keselowski Racing was competitive.

Hey gang of Woj Bombers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Ime and Rob both finish inside.”

Dean Wormer, how many NESN360 subscribers are coming in to see Jared Carrabis get another tattoo?

You know the dealer, the dealer is a man
With a lot of grass in his hand
Ah but the pusher is a monster
Good God he’s not a natural man
The dealer, for a nickel lord
He’ll sell you lots of sweet dreams
Ah but the pusher’ll ruin your body
Lord he’ll leave… he’ll leave your mind to scream.
God damn ahh the pusher.
God damn, God damn the pusher.
I said God damn God, God damn the pusherman.

I do have to admit I have been very disappointed that Aaron Judge’s hair has not fallen out this season.

Proper begging the question usage is my love language.

I still have yet to hear an explanation as to how Ser Criston Cole could just beat a knight (and loved of the King Consort) to death at the wedding of the heir to the Iron Throne and it’s just ignored? I know Alicent scoops him up but that’s a lot to ignore. lol

I guess Boegarts screwing up Judge’s Triple Crown bid would be a nice send-off.

It’s a leg. Calais Campbell landed on it. The doctors will take a look.

Don Orsillo has broadcast 3,000 MLB games. That’s something like 875,000 pitches counted!

Honk if you remember when cars always had cigarette lighters on the dashboard.

Don’t worry, England; The NFL is coming to Tottenham Hotspur Stadium to heal your City of London.

I’m going to still be writing 5782 on my checks until Cheshvan! Such a tsuris!

Pithy one-liner.

Kyed’s sideways move to PFF seems to have really paid off for him.

Did Celtics interim HC Joe Mazzulla’s family come from the same village in Italy as Mike Tirico’s?

Hope someone asks Myles Garrett how the car crash felt.

Note out of the Marlins clubhouse: Richard Bleier is believed to be the first Jewish player to be called for 3 balks in one inning on Rosh Hashanah.

Did the famously tough NYC media grill Coach Saleh about his phone call from Trump? I thought as much.

Aloha means ‘goodbye’. Aloha, NFL Professional Bowl.

Good seats still available for the Tampa Bay Ray’s final visit to Fenway Park October 3rd-5th.

Stay safe, Floridan readers, friends & well-wishers.

Best bet for the weekend: Unfrozen tundra.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Lebron, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Last night I held Aladdin’s lamp and so I wished that I could stay. Before the thing could answer me, well, someone came and took the lamp away.