The 15

Bill Russell no doubt approved the Celtics beating Philadelphia in the opener.

Goal scoring so far doesn’t look to be a problem for the Bruins.

Is Bailey Zappe a system quarterback yet?

It’s time for Steve Perrault to embrace his true vocation: playing Uncle Fester in a dinner-theatre troupe.

Were Stidhsy and Kennedy invited to the wedding?

Cakes are cooking for John Lithgow, Lynn Dickey, Evander Holyfield, Brad Daugherty, Jon Favreau, Prakazrel Michel, and Louis Oosthuizen.

The newspaper helped promote MLB to kids as much as anything. We used to read box scores and league leaders for hours, plus the baseball cards. Kids don’t do any of that anymore.

Gregg Popovich, the unofficial sommelier of the NBA, has six players on his roster who cannot legally drink.

DC should only let Matt Reeves and James Gunn touch their properties. Put the adults in charge.

NESN blows. Sure, spend all your money on digital boards that at best distract and at worst don’t track correctly while not getting the audio to work.

Calm down Marty Mornhinweg.

Blue Line Update: The work scheduled for the rest of this week has been cancelled.

Cute, fun, made up story, Ben!

Adalberto Mondesi is 27 now. Does he still have a chance to be a good player, or is he out of time?

There’s no electrical plates in here!

Celtics interim head coach Joe Mazzula burns off nervous energy by chewing gum. Ime should have tried that.

Brady skipped two practices and a walkthrough this week and had the balls to yell at his linemen during the game?

Hampsy?

How does Netflix not have Snoop Dogg’s voice saying “so just chill ’til the Next Episode” when you hit ‘still watching?’

Tyquan Thornton should wear 3-inch thick wristbands.

Glad to see Bill Russell’s widow getting some airtime. She’s earned it.

If you have two Mike Florios you really don’t have any.

‘The 76’ers are letting the Celtics take open shots in game 1 of 82 in case they see them again 7 months from now in the playoffs’ is a wild theory, Sam Vecenie. Wild.

Meghan Markle thought she was going to use her international relations degree for the role of “Suitcase Girl”?

Take all the time off you need, Carlos. Get your house in order, Media Mike.

Nick Wright is what DJ Bean would look like to me if I took acid and drank one Miller Lite.

Zappe Fever is not even a real medical condition, big brain.

News Item: Toucher and Rich bringing show producer Mike Lockhart back, and paying his entire salary. In a related story, Adam Jones to send Christian Arcand a ‘tough break, pal’ note, as soon as he finds out where he lives.

Slade’s Bar Grill is a Boston institution for a variety of reason.

I wish I was the brakeman
On a hurtlin’ fevered train
Crashing headlong into the heartland
Like a cannon in the rain.

With the beating of the sleepers
And the burnin’ of the coal
Counting the towns flashing by
In a night that’s full of soul.

With light in my head
You in my arms.

Springfield Thunderbirds looking for their first win of the AHL season in Laval tonight.

I wish Joe Torre was still involved in baseball somehow.

Who knew a lingering side effect of Sochi Stray Dog Eye AIDS was increased levels of pomposity?

Honk if you remember actress Zoe McClellan. And if you see her, idk, contact law enforcement, I guess.

Major League Baseball is better when the Yankees are contending for a World Series every season. There; I said it.

There’s just something special about physical tickets, very cool.

Bill Russell loved Aloe Blacc. And VistaPrint.

Tired: Everyone in the building hates Mac. Wired: Every other member of the local sports media hates Volin.

Have to believe #1 Son Jonathan gave dear old dad the lovely gift of an iron-clad prenuptial agreement.

Did Jack Easterby’s wife look back at the Texans facility and turn into a pillar of salt?

A least your Sounders are the CONCACAF Champs, Seattle.

Welcome to mortgage-free Wester Mass, Mark Daniels. Springfield; It’s like a baby Providence.

No driving angry, Bubba Wallace.

Taylor Heinicke takes over for Carson Wentz for now for the Commanders. Can he get the ball more to Terry McLaurin?

Best bet for the weekend: Yankees match up well against their nemesis Houston Astros.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Audacy employees who choose to remain anonymous, BSMW poster Lefty, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Avarice and greed are gonna drive you over the endless sea. They will leave you drifting in the shallows or drowning in the oceans of history.