Category Archives: Media Criticism

Region N First Round Results & Region V Predictions

A minor upset in the 8 vs. 9 matchup, apparently to know Marshall Hook is to hate him. Otherwise higher seeds advance.

Here’s ‘Patrick from Andover del Norte’ again;

Region U, I mean Region V, preview…

Dan Shaughnessy (1) vs Ken Laird (16) The only way Laird is pulling off this upset is if he finally bites the bullet and makes the switch to Country 93.7. Short of that, the increasingly irrelevant Dan Shaughnessy advances. Don’t expect a deep tournament run from 2011 Father of the Year.

Duke Castiglione (8) vs Hardy (9) Did you know that Hardy isn’t his real name? He’s actual Robert Poole. Did you know that Duke’s first name is actually Joseph? Joe Castiglione Jr has a better nom de guerre than Rob Poole. In this tournament that means Bobby Poole pulls off the minor upset. If anyone knows where he’s working now, please congratulate him.

Kevin Paul Dupont (5) vs Jimmy Stewart (12) There must be a lot of cat fanciers on the selection committee. How else can you explain the low seeding for the feline fetishist? I’m not even sure if KPD is still alive. Sorry TICA members, even the least athletic man on the planet can’t lose to a dead guy. J Stew to Round 2.

Fred Toucher (4) vs Jermaine Wiggins (13) Is Fred the zookeeper with the plain black hat or the one with the spindly arms? Both, neither, who cares? It’s amazing that the dominant morning drive program in a sports crazed region is hosted by such a banal, carpetbagging milquetoast on-air personality. Speaking of toast, Wiggy was the toast of the town 20 years ago, and now he’s a spot performer on Radio Titanic’s morning show. You can’t get much sadder than that. Wiggins advances.

DJ Bean (6) vs Mutt Mutnansky (11) DJ Bean wants to be an irritant. DJ Bean thinks he’s pulling the wool over your eyes. DJ Bean likes to pretend to be ambiguous in the hopes that someone will take the bait. DJ Bean craves attention. DJ Bean doesn’t escape the first round. Mutt keeps clinging to his media aspirations, and he can keep clinging on into round two.

Chris Gasper (3) vs Sean McAdam (14) These two put the sad in March Sadness. Kid Gas left the dying print media for the bright lights of television, quickly failed at narrating highlights, and had to scurry back to the Globe. McAdam works for Greg Bedard, although since he most likely isn’t getting paid, McAdam should really be classified as a volunteer. Gasper matriculates to the subsequent echelon.

Rich Keefe (7) vs Meg Ottolini (10) Rich Keefe wears baseball batting gloves when he plays wiffleball. Sad. People are constantly telling Meg-O how funny she is, and she believes them. Sadder. Ottolini moves on.

Ron Borges (2) vs Christian Arcand (15) On a day when they could have seeded other irrelevant dinosaurs like Eddie Andelman or Bob Ryan, the committee made disgraced plagiarist Ron Borges a 2 seed, a man who once knocked the hat off the head of a crippled boxing writer, and who claims that, if they had gone to school together, he would have taken all of Bill Belichick’s quarters. Christian Arcand, better luck next year. Ronny the Portuguese Man o’ War advances.

Touts on Louts, Part Two

Continuing, here’s Old Friend ‘Mike on Route One’:

TED JOHNSON

Why he’ll win

After failing to make the previous tournament, Ted capped off a shocking regular season with a 2 seed in the T region thanks to his scorching hot Patriots takes. He faces off against giant killer “DeathCat” Michael Holley in the first round, a mediot who features such pelts as Dale Arnold and Glenn Ordway on his wall. Not exactly your typical 15 seed. If Ted can avoid falling into Holley’s famed “repeat 2x” offense he has a real shot at making it to the round of 16 thanks to a cupcake Perillo/Yellow Teeth McCarthy matchup in the second round.

Why he won’t win

This region is absolutely loaded. As we know, experience matters. It’s a talent game in March and either Bert Breer or Ben Volin loom in the regional final. Additionally, like heavy armor in Ukrainian mud, are we even sure how his neck bolts will hold up once the sledding gets tough against the iron of this field? Make more disjointed metaphors.

CHRIS GASPER

Why he’ll win

Gasper had an incredible regular season and endured a lot of turmoil to get here. Even with the distraction of changing “jobs”, Chris managed to stay pot committed to his Mac Jones takes. His wildly entertaining style of takes – Phi Synonym-a – has endeared him to fans this past year. But somehow, the committee did not reward him with a higher seed. Despite this, his first round matchup against Sean McAdam, who I’m not even sure is still in sports, is a walkover. From there, he will move on to face, in all likelihood, DJ Bean in the round of 32. Mothers lock up your daughters, this matchup is going to be a dog fight, a phone booth game, and played in a very dark place. (and I don’t mean a vineyard Night) Whoever emerges from this will have proven that they can take a pounding. Look for Gasper to come out on top.

Why he won’t win

The voters are very much committed to legacy. Dan Shaughnessy is human vomit, obviously. But has he done enough this year to merit the generous seeding? (Dan is, of course, a generous seeder himself) It’s tough to envision a scenario where Kid Gas goes toe-to-toe with Shank. It might be closer than you think but it doesn’t feel like it’s Chris’ time yet. He’s going to come at the king, so he best not miss. (note: I’ll bet you a free TruCoat that Chris has tweeted some variation of “best not miss” because he’s an erudite consumer of high culture like The Wire, but also, he has a significant amount of “street cred” as they call it.) Sadly, for this single ploy pinto, he won’t make it to the Final Four.

ANDY GRESH

Why he’ll win

Let it not be said that Moe Gresh doesn’t have big game experience. The man played with his hand in the dirt and in his nose. When you’ve competed at the highest levels of football (Rhode Island) and you almost beat Hofstra that one time, your resume speaks for its flippin’ self. What kind of cat is Gresh? One that knows how to win.

Why he won’t win

A 2 seed!? A 2 seed!? (you should read that in the incredulous Michael Holley voice) The committee must have had a bad ice cube whilst seeding the N region. Even if he manages to squeak by the Greek Freak John Karalis, he’s headed for a buzzsaw in the most underseeded mediot of the tourney, one Tom E Curran. This is just a bad matchup for Gresh. Curran is peaking at the right time (the last six years) and Gresh is giving time and temp with a mumbling Rick Teef.

FITZY

Why he’ll win

Speaking of Greeks, he’s by far the best Hellenic-masquerading-as-a-Mick in the entire field. Fitzy is a real riser, a stretch 4 (see because his face looks like pulled taffy) who could make some noise in the early rounds. If you didn’t think the committee had a sense of humor, look no further than the laugh riot matchup in the round of 32 between Fitzy and Big Gym Murray. Like Rickles and Pryor in their primes. There’s no love – or scally caps – lost when these two get together.

Why he won’t win

Fitzy? More like can’t-fit-see-him-advancing-to-the-sweet-sixteen.

LOU MERLONI

Why he’ll win

Wanna see him pull a deep run out of his hat? The Fabulous Merloni, back for another run. His hair is the same natural color as another proven March winner, Coach K. He’s had historical success in the poles [sic] and the Big Dance. (The Mashpee Ballet)

Why he won’t win

What? You don’t think he’s gonna win the whole damn thing? Sniff. Ok. Ok. Fine. Sure. You’re gonna bet against the guy who has to matchup against the overall 1 seed who is currently stomping his dick 24-3 in the ratings? Ok. Fine. Sure. Sniff.

Touts on Louts, Part One

Here’s what our in-the-know sources say about the 2022 March Sadness field:

From ‘Señor Carlos’:

Region N:

Greg Bedard (1) vs Jon Wallach (16) Almost a coach, almost hired in Vegas, almost making payroll for his website employees. Wallach is terrible, but no chance of an almost an upset here. Or any chance of an upset. Bedard moves on.

Andrew Callahan (8) vs Marshall Hook (9) Who are these people? When in doubt, pick the higher seed. I guess.

Scott Zolak (5) vs Steve Buckley (12) This is a tough choice. Zo has ruined many great Patriots moments calling the games. Buckley has been a low key hot taker and agenda carrying mediot for decades. Tough choice here, but I got to go with Buck Shot getting the victory. Say tough more.

Trenni Kusnierek (4) vs Phil Perry (13) Perry? Never heard of him. I know Trenni is terrible. She moves on.

Marc Bertrand (6) vs Rob Bradford (11) As terrible as Bradford is, Bertrand used to push back against Felger with his hot takes when he was the third guy on that show. When he got his own show he became a hot taker on Felger’s level. I know, say show more. Marc the 5th Diabeatle advances.

.Adam Jones (3) vs Dan Roche (14) The 100% fraud in Jones vs the 100% real in Roche. Roche upsets Jones. 2nd year in the row Jones loses in the 1st round as a higher seed. Maybe shut down and retool? Or maybe have a cheeseburger or three?

Tom E Curran (7) vs Peter Abraham (10) As we mentioned before about Bertrand pushing back against hot takes, Curran did it more and better for years. At some point, Curran went to the dark side. He has three kids college age, so maybe he was offered more money to go that route? Point is, he knew better but still did it anyway. Curran moves on here, and has a good chance to make the round of16.

Andy Gresh (2) vs John Karalis (15) Hand in the dirt vs ears in the air? I expect Gresh to move on.

‘Patrick from Andover del Norte’:

Region C:

Mike Felger (1) vs Steve Happas (16) The undisputed king of the sportz media airwaves pitted against some guy named Steve. The most lopsided opening round matchup since Dave Egan took on Upton Bell back in 1952. Happas isn’t even the most relevant Dakota in this tournament. Round 1 goes to Felger in a rout.

Mike Giardi (8) vs Brian Scalabrine (9) Scal made most of his waves while commenting on Covid-19 vaccines. Now that he’s at the NFL Network, Mike Giardi is more interested in surfing than making waves. Not being a worthy successor to Tommy Heinsohn isn’t a big enough to beat out one of NBCSN’s original Mean Girls. Giardi moves on to Round 2.

Andy Hart (5) vs Jared Carrabis (12) We’ve entered the body dysmorphia portion of the bracket. Inch for inch, Andy Hart may be the dumbest person in this Region. Carrabis has hitched his wagon to a dying sport, dumb but not dumber than Dumbo. Hart slips through.

Lou Merloni (4) vs Matt Fairburn (13) There was once bidding war for Lou Merloni’s services between the two radio stations. Now Lou doesn’t even have a show. Wait, I’m being told he does have a show, it’s just that no one listens to it. Fairburn came to Boston from his beloved Buffalo to cover the Patriots for the Athletic (which I’ve never read). Stalin would have been proud of the way Fairburn scrubbed his Twitter history. Since then he’s been pretty quiet. Merloni advances.

Fitzy (6) vs Chris Mannix (11) It’s rare to have such a mismatch with a 6 vs an 11. “Thanks Dad” Chris Mannix did his best work in the late 90’s while working in the Celtics locker room, but his nothing more than a minor irritation today. Faux Fitzy on the other hand should be jailed for his cultural appropriation and crimes against humanity (aka his “comedy”). The Greek from New York walks to Round 2.

Jim Murray (3) vs Chris Curtis (14) To think I once enjoyed listening to Big Jim as he spun Dinosaur Junior records on my commute home. The moist(sic) interesting thing about Chris Curtis is promoting some obscure gambling app when she’s not crying. Big Jim may have lost his afternoon DJ slot to Adam 12 back in 2010 but he’s not losing to a poor little rich girl’s Jim Halpert. Large Gymnasium move on.

Rich Shertenlieb (7) vs Mark Dondero (10) My initial reaction to this match up was, ‘who the hell is Rich Shertenlieb?’ Dondero is the biggest wannabe nobody in the market, but better a wannabe than a who the hell. The human embodiment of an epileptic seizure takes this one in for our first upset.

Tony Mazz (2) vs Jason Mastrodonato (15) The luckiest man on the planet, with a face for radio and a voice for print, dominates an unsuspecting, and heretofore unknown Red Sox columnist to close out the first round of Region C. Sone advice for Jason, shorten your last name to “Mass” and repeatedly hit yourself in the nuts with a hammer until your voice goes up six octaves, otherwise you’ll never make it in this market.

MARCH SADNESS RETURNS!

It’s Back.

First Round Schedule:

Region N – March 6 Region V – March 7 Region C – March 8 Region T – March 9

Voting will begin tomorrow, March 6th to determine the most hated mediot in the Greater Boston listening, viewing, and reading area. (NB: As John Tomase won the most recent Tournament conducted by our predecessor organization BJBSJ in 2019, he is therefore ineligible, and not an oversight on our parts. cheers.)

Who is Jake in Boston?

A few days ago, a billboard disparaging the wise owl (???) coach of the New England Patriots, Bill Belichick, appeared on RTE 1 to much promotion from 98.5 The Sports Hub.

If the moniker “Jake in Boston” wasn’t enough of a tell that this is a deranged sports radio fan who has had their thinking so twisted up that they’d spend thousands of dollars to shit on his alleged favorite team to get attention from his Hub heroes, then his updated version of the billboard sure made it clear. Citing coaching tree record, a trivial concept that Belichick has zero control over and doesn’t exist anywhere but in the world of call-in sports talks.

Seems like somebody wants attention. But he’s sending mixed messages. Having his face blurred out for a television interview, as if he thinks he delivered a literal killshot to the eight time Super Bowl winning coach and has entered witness protection.

Sawft

Well, it doesn’t work like that, cupcake.

Sorrey!

From an interview a while back:

Jake likes billboards, apparently.
Jake from State Hospital? IJATQC.

Who is Jake from Boston?

Exactly who you thought he was.

Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer: Emergency Cam Newton Edition

Bill is Bill again and all is right in the world.

Cam Newton released, Spulpits, coffee girls hardest hit.

It’s a good thing Cam is so genuinely nice, otherwise that means the self-described tough & cynical Boston Sports media all got fooled.

Interesting. Belichick admitting his draft mistake of not trading up for Mac Jones, even if his arrogance won’t allow him to just come out admit it.

If anything Newton is a system quarterback. That system is Tecmo Bowl.

Fits. Cam wore them, and also gave New England fans them.

Next media move will be how Bill fucked over all the free-agents who came to Foxboro for Cam.

I think Bill said to himself: “Would Greg Bedard just give Mac the keys already? Yes, he would, and that is the only way forward.”

Can’t wait for Jac Colinsworth’s in depth analysis of the Cam Newton release.

Another miss for Fake Spike King.

No designed run plays for Cam in presason was a tell, in retrospect.

Prior to the news I felt like that striped shirt-wearing Jets fan trying to rationalalize selecting Ken O’Brien over Dan Marino. “Obviously Bill knows something the people up here don’t.” Everybody wuz sayin McCorkle.

I wonder is Stidhsy jumped out of the pedicure chair when he read the Cam news today.

The best thing about losing Cam Newton is losing his Tebow-like fanbase who, like a cult, follow him wherever he goes and blames everyone but him for every mistake he makes. Good riddance.

Props to TEC, who was on an island among the media saying it was still a competition.

Does Belichick leave for his dream job with the Giants now and grab Cam again on the cheap?

An unvaccinated, shotputting quarterback is a competitive disadvantage.

And this had to happen with the pandemic-related additional uneployment benefits ending in Massachusetts this weekend.

I guess Bill thinks Mac Jones is better than Ryan Mallett.

by̾e̺ ̣b̖ͧy̅e̝ ̰C̈́am̠̆

( Compiled from the15 and various BSMW board alumni accounts. )

The Glenn Ordway Boston Media narrative:  Not so fast, my friends

Glengarry Glenn Ordway

If you’re a regular reader of The15Net.com, you’re familiar with the phrase ‘Boston Sports Media is an incestuous cesspool’.

This has never been more true in the case of the most recent “retirement” (Kathryn Hahn Wink Dot JPG) of Glenn Ordway, 21st Century radio’s answer to “What if Eddie Andelman’s Sons Don’t Take Away His TracFone?” Glennie always loathed Eddie, which is amusing because Ordway is what he loathed.

“Retirement”

A Steve Buckley comparison to WEEI Ordway 2.0 could be elderly Willie Mays falling on his face during the ’73 World Series, but OMF isn’t close ratings-wise for any playoff. OMF Ordway is staggeringly bad, but Glenn’s bloated ego is worse. He’s 1510 The Zone Eddie Andelman, just not as interesting. Ordway’s legacy is more complicated than Steve Buckley’s Athletic fluff job and Pissant Alex Reimer’s fawning piece on the unvisited WEEI.com would have you believe. Boston media might be the only free market where competition doesn’t improve the product. Boston media is insular. They don’t want to improve, compete, or be criticized; they want to keep their gigs without any heavy lifting. That is Glenn Ordway’s Boston Media legacy. Chisel that one on his gravestone.

The lack of anyone in mainstream media to offer criticism – spare me Charred Finn and Pissant Reimer, PR flacks under the guise of media critics – enables this. Paraphrasing Finn as done on the late BJBSJournal.com: Boston Sports Media is a family. A Crime Family.

Glenn Ordway was smug Senator Geary after meeting Michael in Tahoe. I’m not saying he murdered a prostitute in a brothel, caller; I’m just asking the question. (That’s how you do it, right, Glenn?)

“Here’s the thing Mister Corleone; you can never have, enough pitching!”

Ordway was a man with no term limits in a one-party state. Never as smart as he thought, Ordway was caught off guard and gassed for Mike Fucking Salk at the end of his first run at EEI. He was relegated to the internet – a platform he once mocked – to do shows with guests bribed with expired gift cards.

OMF Ordway 2.0 never mattered. He was handed a guaranteed contract given by inept, desperate Entercom management, and he mailed it in daily. Ordway 2.0 was Pablo Sandoval.

LJ loves Glenn, he really does, Craig.

Ordway is the Godfather of modern Sports Media in Boston. That’s not a compliment.

Sheesh.

He double-dipped on his duplicity by going all-in on a ticket scalping scheme with his friend/co-host Fred Smerlas in the mid-nineties with the “Patriots Tailgate” glorified tent at Rodman Ford – a vendor Ordway had in his hip pocket – where they marked up tickets to Parcells/Bledsoe era games at Foxboro Stadium by multiples of multiples in exchange for lukewarm hot dogs and potato salad while Steve DeOssie sweated on patrons inhaling his cigar smoke.

Ordway was a staunch Bledsoe over Brady guy and mocked his audience for suggesting otherwise. Good call, Fredo.

(040308, Boston, MA) the man of the hour Glenn Ordway at the annual Whiney Awards hosted by Glenn Ordway at the Wang theater. Thursday, April 03, 2008. (Staff photo by Stuart Cahill)

Ordway gave Dan Shaughnessy and Ron Borges additional prominent platforms. He did the same for Alex Reimer and John Tomase. Two-thirds of the Unholy Trinity of current Boston radio, Michael Felger and Tony Massarotti, were regulars on the old Big Show. The Big Show was dreadful performance art. Facts didn’t matter, strawmen and fabricated narrativez did. The Whiner Line existed in no small part because the hosts weren’t funny or smart enough to create their own material. Ordway made a living for close to 50 years making fun of athletes, managers, coaches, and GMs, yet when BSMW’s Bruce Allen offered mild, thoughtful criticism of him on a website Glenn claimed nobody read, he would spend segments railing against Bruce and his Boston Sports Media Watch site. No one was more thin-skinned than the Big O.

Well, that didn’t work as planned.

Ordway the Program Director repeatedly killed Ordway the host, failing to see where media was headed as early as 2001 and derisively casting aside bloggers like Allen, Bill Simmons (I know, I know) and Dave Portnoy as losers in their mother’s basements. I’ll guess Ordway didn’t possess the self-awareness to see the irony when he was relegated to his wife’s attic for the Big Show Unfiltered podcast, which was less successful than The Gerry Callahan Q-Anon Hour sponsored by Shea Concrete, The Greg Bedard Podcast or Entitled Town.

Despite this, Ordway owns a house overlooking the ocean in Cohasset, proving a sucker is born every minute.

Ordway took a farewell tour when he got fired for Mike Salk 8.5 years ago,but yet again Ordway is getting thrown out on his ass due to illness: Listeners are sick of him. (Apologies for recycling a Howie Carr joke.) For most, getting fired again for underperformance after being replaced by Salkie and then being teamed with two ex-jocks on a fourth tier radio station would be shameful, but Glenn Ordway is incapable of shame.

OMF ‘is the sound you make when you see your show came in fourth, Again.

Ordway was an exceptional opportunist, give him that. He was an outrage profiteer, feasting on the misery of his customers. If that is a talent, he’s talented. If Ordway is the Godfather of anything, he’s the Godfather of Gaslighting.

He’s Exhibit A for the prosecution in the landmark Turn Off Your Radios case before the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court.

Seriously. Turn off your radios.

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