Region N First Round Results & Region V Predictions

A minor upset in the 8 vs. 9 matchup, apparently to know Marshall Hook is to hate him. Otherwise higher seeds advance.

Here’s ‘Patrick from Andover del Norte’ again;

Region U, I mean Region V, preview…

Dan Shaughnessy (1) vs Ken Laird (16) The only way Laird is pulling off this upset is if he finally bites the bullet and makes the switch to Country 93.7. Short of that, the increasingly irrelevant Dan Shaughnessy advances. Don’t expect a deep tournament run from 2011 Father of the Year.

Duke Castiglione (8) vs Hardy (9) Did you know that Hardy isn’t his real name? He’s actual Robert Poole. Did you know that Duke’s first name is actually Joseph? Joe Castiglione Jr has a better nom de guerre than Rob Poole. In this tournament that means Bobby Poole pulls off the minor upset. If anyone knows where he’s working now, please congratulate him.

Kevin Paul Dupont (5) vs Jimmy Stewart (12) There must be a lot of cat fanciers on the selection committee. How else can you explain the low seeding for the feline fetishist? I’m not even sure if KPD is still alive. Sorry TICA members, even the least athletic man on the planet can’t lose to a dead guy. J Stew to Round 2.

Fred Toucher (4) vs Jermaine Wiggins (13) Is Fred the zookeeper with the plain black hat or the one with the spindly arms? Both, neither, who cares? It’s amazing that the dominant morning drive program in a sports crazed region is hosted by such a banal, carpetbagging milquetoast on-air personality. Speaking of toast, Wiggy was the toast of the town 20 years ago, and now he’s a spot performer on Radio Titanic’s morning show. You can’t get much sadder than that. Wiggins advances.

DJ Bean (6) vs Mutt Mutnansky (11) DJ Bean wants to be an irritant. DJ Bean thinks he’s pulling the wool over your eyes. DJ Bean likes to pretend to be ambiguous in the hopes that someone will take the bait. DJ Bean craves attention. DJ Bean doesn’t escape the first round. Mutt keeps clinging to his media aspirations, and he can keep clinging on into round two.

Chris Gasper (3) vs Sean McAdam (14) These two put the sad in March Sadness. Kid Gas left the dying print media for the bright lights of television, quickly failed at narrating highlights, and had to scurry back to the Globe. McAdam works for Greg Bedard, although since he most likely isn’t getting paid, McAdam should really be classified as a volunteer. Gasper matriculates to the subsequent echelon.

Rich Keefe (7) vs Meg Ottolini (10) Rich Keefe wears baseball batting gloves when he plays wiffleball. Sad. People are constantly telling Meg-O how funny she is, and she believes them. Sadder. Ottolini moves on.

Ron Borges (2) vs Christian Arcand (15) On a day when they could have seeded other irrelevant dinosaurs like Eddie Andelman or Bob Ryan, the committee made disgraced plagiarist Ron Borges a 2 seed, a man who once knocked the hat off the head of a crippled boxing writer, and who claims that, if they had gone to school together, he would have taken all of Bill Belichick’s quarters. Christian Arcand, better luck next year. Ronny the Portuguese Man o’ War advances.

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