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09/02/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 2, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Eh. Scheduled loss.

Mainstream CFB writers being introduced to a BB team winning a rock fight is delightful. And 15-10 is like a perfect Belichick win. Pisses off exactly all the right people.

All these trust fund kids circle jerking over how little they made in their useless media jobs isn’t at all triggering.

They weren’t booing Páez, they were still cheering on Woo!

In the back of my mind I thought the Pro Bowl had been eliminated years ago.

Dolly held the exact same social and political views as me!

I’m not going to be used as a pawn as the two sides piss at each other. If a deal isn’t done by September 9th, then I’ll be livid.

Derek Jeter did not “dive into the stands” to catch a ball. He made a nice running catch in the playing field, and his momentum carried him into the stands. Nice play, but not heroic.

I don’t even know what Good Good is other than redundant.

Note to broadcasters especially in MLB. Please call players by their last names and not their first. Its Rafaela not Cedanne. The trend started years ago and it isn’t a good one.

Since Boston doesn’t have a WNBA team yet, I’ve adopted Golden State as my team strictly because of Veronica Burton. The Valkyries won their third straight last night, and @Veronicaab22 had 13 assists and 0 turnovers. She has 29 assists and 1 turnover during the win streak.

Apropos of nothing, I hope Corey Kiner gets a locker in the corner of the locker room, so we can all call it Kiner’s Korner. #iykyk

Cakes are cooking for Peter Ueberroth, Mary Jo Catlett, Harry Northup, Rosalind Ashford, Nate Archibald, Terry Bradshaw, Rosanna DeSoto, Mark Harmon, Jimmy Connors, Linda Purl, Mario Tremblay, Steve Porcaro, Eric Dickerson, John S. Hall, Jeff Russell, Keanu Reeves, Lenox Lewis, Cynthia Watros, Rich Aurilia, Jason Hammel, Rachael Gunn, and Brandon Ingram.

No one ever talks about how heavily accordion is featured in Mexican music.

The people who hate seeing Kirk Herbstreit’s dog on TV are the same people who drive 5 mph under the speed limit in the left lane. You can’t convince me otherwise.

Hey, didja all hear about this guy who pretended to be a 49ers player? Haven’t seen many people talking about it. Crazy stuff, huh?

Red Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to an earlier signal problem at Harvard.

I’m sorry but being a WAG is not being a woman in sports.

Omg seriously what is in Mickey’s crotch?

If I wanted to watch sweaty men dance in tight attire, I’d attend a Chippendales show rather than a Savannah Bananas game.

Dad is never using Venmo. You cannot make him.

Yesterday was “rentree” in France, a massive day. ALL of the schools are back in session Mayors and principals were interviewed on television.

Team Gaga btw. Madonna can kick rocks.

The Red Sox fill-in play-by-play guy on radio tonight sounds like Pablo Torre after 1.5 martinis, and I can’t shake it. But excited for the Clippers dirt he’ll have for the 7th inning stretch.

Where does one even acquire an Anduril hat?

The play made by Monasterio is ruled a catch against any other team. fact, not opinion.

Lucy go for a walk or something in Boston we boo if you stink up the joint you don’t like it move to Mars.

Can Elon ban all Barstool-related content? Every video I see is like “Oh man, Scuzzy and Grunch were going at it in the Chicago office today. Apparently one of them hooked up with Kacey Jugzzz at Dave & Buster’s last night? Super crazy. I’m glad Fat Tits Snapback Guy was recording.”

Hey gang of finger lickers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Black buns and mashed potatoes sounds like something I’m not going to image search.”

I hope Jedixson Páez pitches on Section 10 Night.

Feels like I can’t make fun of the Clancy women anymore when there’s a large chunk of dudes convinced Sandusky is innocent.

Well, I hope MLB brings back protesting a game after the lockout season!

Thinking of that fat fucking cvnt Lifshatz calling people retards as his neck fat jiggles from typing is hilarious.

GTA 6 players will need to learn how to maintain a relationship, according to IGN. Don’t you play video games so you don’t have to go shopping with your wife?

I love the Mickey Gasper story as much as the next guy, but I draw the line at “Hey Mickey you’re so fine”

Greg you couldn’t be more wrong about this sub shop take you have in the oven and the Italian subs and all that nonsense.

I’ve found a home with writing haikus. The requirements are oddly helpful.

Bright eyes full of dreams,
Laughter ringing through the air,
Shining proud and free.

Lol you ever looked into toilet paper? If you aren’t using bamboo by now….yikes.

I bet Mike Mussina knows what day this is. I sure do.

Love her, but Heidi Watney should uncinch the screws holding her face back a couple of turns.

A Bill hasn’t defeated Dykes like that since DOMA back in ‘96.

You can tell someone is a football expert when they list a team’s schedule by the quarterbacks they’re going to play.

What time do they lock the Coliseum they got there in Rome for the night?

After a few hours of searching the house (detachable penis)
And calling everyone I could think of
I was starting to get very depressed (detachable penis)
So I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast

Then as I walked down Second Avenue
Towards St. Mark’s place where (detachable penis)
All those people sell used books and other junk on the street
I saw my penis lying on a blanket (detachable penis)
Next to a broken toaster oven
Some guy was selling it (detachable penis)
I had to buy it off him, he wanted 22 bucks (detachable penis)
But I talked him down to $17.

People sure do demand a lot of decorum from a sport where it’s commonplace to gnaw on a wad of tobacco.

What a needy prick Giardi is. Really.

What if Good Good Golf re-shoots the ad but it’s RA getting shoved to the ground?

Rule 5 is usually a synonym for a bum.

Pro Tip: Ham sandwiches get indicted, not North Shore three-way beefs.

Honk if you remember The Jerry Lewis MDA Labor Day Telethon.

I know more about cards than 99.9% of people who own cards. I’ve covered cards for 26 years.

Lomu…..Latu…..Latu….Lomu.

Doesn’t every single gambling ad read on The Ringer end with “must be 21 and present”?

Turn off your radios numrods.

Jamai Webster still occasionally starts a question that he has no idea how to finish.

It’s my favorite time of year. BC could go undefeated!

Best bet for the weekend: buying 7 dozen eggs and 4 gallons of milk.

Take their picks! All of them!!
(N.B. Kansas City won this Week 14, 2019 game 23-16, with Butker 3-3 on field goals, 2-2 on extra points.)

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, BSMW Old Friend Humphrey, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We’re dancing in the streets.

And Happy Birthday to Mexican actress Salma Hayek.

08/26/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on August 25, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Being really into baseball feels closer to being into trains or military history than it does following other sports. That’s not a judgement but an observation.

I think I’d rather be found in the actual ‘Palestine’ instead of a trailer park in East Palestine, Ohio.

Rear Admiral is like an alien from Men in Black trying to blend into society as a real person.

The Saugus Rocket with a worse takeoff than the Space Shuttle Challenger.

You would assume an MLB team owner would be more Hanukkah Steinberg than Kwanza Jones.

I’m sorry to say this because she seems like a lovely person but Mary Steenburgen’s voice goes right through me.

Roman is almost Nomar spelled backwards.

The local media was visibly disappointed there were no fights during the Pats/Eagles joint practice.

Sam Malone’s character was inspired by B’s Derek Sanderson – a charismatic athlete who hung around Boston bars in the ’70s and developed a drinking problem which derailed his career.

The only way Jerry Thornton could love Sophie Cunningham more is if she seduced a 14-year old boy.

Barn coat sales must spike every two years right before they start filming political ads.

Boutte had a lot of big catches. Big Boutte.

Cakes are cooking for Moe Tucker, Valerie Simpson, Bob Cowsill, Billy Rush, John Kinsella, Branford Marsalis, Ola Ray, Chris Burke, Dan Vickrey, Shirley Manson, Myron Guyton, Adrian Young, Drew Hester, Elaine Irwin, Melissa Mccarthy, Tyler Connolly, Carey Tally, Patrick Kennedy, Jamal Lewis, Chris Pine, Macaulay Culkin, Birdie Kim, John Mulaney, David Price, Wayne Simmonds, James Harden, and Keke Palmer.

If I was a billionaire NFL Owner, you’d never have to worry about me being in the news for soliciting prostitutes or going to a rub and tug. I’d be too busy just loving life owning an NFL team and wanting to win Super Bowls. Just saying lol

Lay off the naturals lady.

Have you seen any crazy hummus dip patterns lately?

Random but I love that theres just been a group of birds hanging out in left field all day. Eli White might be a Disney Princess in disguise.

Blue Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a maintenance train inspecting the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Not to be misogynistic but women are idiots.

We live in a world where I have to see Tyler Milliken half naked. I’ve see that fat bitches tits more times in 6 months than Ive seen my wifes.. in fairness to Tyler, he looks like he’d understand what a love tap to the eye means after dinner.

Little League World Series dads in the stands wearing arm sleeves is why they hate us.

Eli White is Jewish Dave Roberts.

If Klay Thompson in 2000 2627 is part of your big 3, then your 3 is not big at all.

The Red Sox have gone from 14 games under .500 to 14 games over .500 in 62 days, the second-shortest such turnaround in MLB history (Elias Sports Bureau). The Red Sox are also the first team in MLB history to get to extra innings by way of two Mickey Gasper solo homers and a fastball hitting an umpire squarely in the face (Hurley Sports Bureau).

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson.

Hey gang, this Week’s Phrase that Pays is, “What a strange reply. But yeah, you do you too.”

Cedanne cannot be trusted to challenge pitches.

Why didn’t Michael Holley think of that move when he was stuck co-hosting with Mike Salk?

It would really stick it to the patriarchy if Sara Civ were to dump them out.

An MBTA Orange Line shuttle bus that was supposed to take passengers to North Station accidentally drove them to Stoneham instead Thursday morning. The driver is no longer working the shuttle service. It happened on Day 1 of the 11-day Orange Line shutdown.

News Item: WNBA team reveals new queer turtle mascot to taunt Indiana Fever star Sophie Cunningham. Okay.

Paul Perillo is actually starting to look like the animated Bob’s Discount Furniture guy.

I got a ton of respect for Marcus Freeman. A Jim Tressel Buckeye if there ever was one.

Mario Hilario blowing Liberace isn’t as gay as the Sox outfield gayball celebration dance. Which is gay.

They left poor Lucy alone with Matt McCarthy on Boston Has Entered the Chat.

Want to hear something funny? I just dreamed I saw Mickey Gasper it a 414-foot homer to dead center!

A fan in a Luka Dončić jersey threw a green object on the court while the Sparks and Dream were lined up at the free-throw line. The object was covered up with a towel and the fan was chased onto the concourse by security.

Islands in the stream
That is what we are
No one in-between
How can we be wrong?
Sail away with me
To another world
And we rely on each other, ah-ha
From one lover to another, ah-ha

Gresh keeps hot sauce in his purse? Who does he think he is, Hillary Clinton?

Honk if you remember living in a world where Mr. Don LaFontaine did the movie trailer voiceovers.

Fun fact: Dolly Parton wrote the songs ‘Jolene’ and ‘I Will Always Love You’ on the same day. But do you know who she wrote that second song about? You guessed it: Frank Stallone.

Middlebrooks having to gently contradict Flemming about 500 times a night is great radio.

Steve Buckley spends the year between the Oldtime Baseball Games sniffing the game-worn flannel uniforms.

A Cameo pep talk from someone who randomly cries over nothing? Where do I send my money?

Patriots did Celtics fans a solid by bringing a new Jaylen to town.

“Cash Considerations” would kinda be a perfect name for a Brian Cashman podcast.

Looking forward to the Celtics-76ers joint practices.

Kenni dresses like Sally O’Malley.

I am ready to go full Mensa Matt when they just hand Story his job back..pal.

The one damn time all the 350+ lb guys at Barstool HQ could be put to good use and not one of them to be found.

Best bet for the weekend: The Storrowings before ‘Allston Christmas.’

*(In reality, the Oldtime Game uniforms are returned to storage by Royal White Laundry of Somerville.)*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Michael NMI Hurley, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I hope life treats you kind.

*Dolly Parton was a national treasure. She will be missed. RIP, nice lady.*

08/19/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on August 19, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Everyone will want to be in the Pat McAfee business.*

You’d think after the Patriots played their first preseason game of the season WEEI would have their resident football expert, Ted Johnson, on to break down the game, but he must be overtired from late night tweeting and that’s why he isn’t on?

Holley passing out looks like when Urkel finally sees Laura Winslow in a bathing suit.

Can’t load the dishwasher? Murdered a cop OR your children? Well, don’t worry, ladies, we’re not allowed to hold you accountable for anything!

The Kraft Productions logo still has a pink tie, but hipster RKK now goes with an open collar!

Boy Tom Verducci has the IQ of a doorknob.

Is it a rule that everybody on the Toucher & Hardy show has to wear a hat?

Lou damn Merloni just said that soft schedule talk is overplayed. Just for the baseball team, I assume.

Butch Huskey was one of our great names. RIP.

Hey gang of weather dudes! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Lol. There isn’t a map out there you won’t dispute.”

Dart Adams invented the run-on sentence.

Cakes are cooking for Bill Cleary, Renée Richards, Story Musgrave, Diana Muldaur, Jill St John, Jack Canfield, Ian Gillan, Bill Clinton, Gerald McRaney, Tipper Gore, Toshio Suzuki, John Deacon, Jonathan Frakes, Ned Yost, Peter Gallagher, Darryl Sutter, Ivan Neville, Ricky Pierce, Morten Andersen, Ron Darling, Valerie Kaprisky, Joey Tempest, John Stamos, Kevin Dillon, Kyra Sedgwick, Lee Ann Womack, Tabitha Soren, Mary Joe Fernandez, Michael Todd, J. J. Hardy, Christina Perri, Patrick Chung, Kirk Cousins, and Marcello Hernández.

That’s the funniest part of the Michael Holley video. Florio doesn’t care about Michael at all, he’s just upset the segment got fucked up.

The Pat MacAfee album is giving off ‘Matt and Ben wrote the Good Will Hunting script all by themselves’ vibes.

Aug 18, 1967. Tony C’s Cooperstown journey was de-railed. The Fenway silence as he lay at home plate was deafening.

The only time I was “dehydrated” I drove in to a MBTA pole.

How is it possible that Lindsay Clancy is more sane than most of the women supporting her?

Monasterio is a better Rusney Castillo.

Blue Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a maintenance train inspecting the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

There’s never been a positive news headline involving a quarry.

Sonny Gray is just a ball player.

I picture the McCourtys looking at each other during the game like, “should there be all this dead air?”

Glenn ‘Doc’ Rivers, now enshrined in the Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame.

Tommy John needing Tommy John surgery, the odds on that must have been astronomical. RIP.

I’ve heard that all the best radio personalities fight for the 9-11 Saturday morning shift. Almost as sought after as DJ Bean’s 6-7 AM Soccer show.

Lucy I like you but slow your role please.

It seemed like the Chiclets guys were letting RA dip his toe back in the brackish pod waters and he predictably goes and has 17 nips on a Monday. Many such cases.

Watching Tom Caron walk around the park peddling 50/50 tickets is not good television.

Gotta give credit to Sir Mix-A-Lot, he wrote hit songs that gave love to both big butts and big boobs!

Dr. Frasier Crane is a Hank McCoy variant.

What did Hayden Panettiere know about the Red Sox hacking Pitch Comm? Taken from us too soon.

Providence isn’t sending their best to wheel of fortune.

Are we still pretending Annie Agar is funny? Or can we stop? Tits don’t make you funny. Please be better.

Fun fact: Mama Scartelli, with her atrocious Boston accent, pronounces drawer as ‘draw’.

I had no specific animus towards that Conley guy, so RIP to him. But imagine being remembered as the curator of dongs.

Orange Line Reminder: August 20-30 Service will be suspended between Oak Grove and Back Bay for infrastructure upgrades. Use shuttle buses between Oak Grove and North Station. Use the Green Line between North Station and Copley/Back Bay. Commuter Rail alternatives are available.

That twisted fruit Jake 100% got his dog stuck down by Boston Harbor on purpose and called the news himself for attention. He then made sure to call into the Sports Hub to talk about it, too.

Aubrey Huff trying to play in the women’s baseball league yet?

Honk if you remember the Little Black Sambo Merry-Go-Round at Story Land.

One of the McCourty’s was pretty good doing color on Westwood One during the playoffs. I’m not sure which one because they all sound alike.

Nobody gonna take my car, I’m gonna race it to the ground
Nobody gonna beat my car, it’s gonna break the speed of sound
Ooh it’s a killing machine it’s got everything
Like a driving power big fat tyres everything

I love it and I need it I bleed it
Yeah it’s a wild hurricane
Alright hold tight
I’m a highway star…

Drizzilicious sounds like a fake gay rapper on The Boondocks.

I bet Rich Keefe cried. Again.

Michael Holley looks like RuPaul when the AIDS test came back.

Euthanizing those who genuinely enjoy Pat McAfee seems like the moderate position.

I love a good conspiracy theory as much as the next guy, but when did every bored housewife turn into Art Bell?

Turgeman is Israeli for Vrioni.

Eagles’ fourth quarterback is Cole Payton which sounds like what ChatGPT would answer if you asked it to create a name for a generic backup QB.

I am calling for a total and complete shutdown of white women watching murder trials until we can figure out what’s going on.

Pablo Sandoval was a Jimmy Fund captain? At least they got something out of him.

I look forward to Vrabel’s human shields becoming more outlandish as the season goes on. He’ll be juggling ALS patients while blindfolded by the end of the year.

Red Sox 2-0 on TV38 this season.

It’s odd that longtime Clippers season ticket holder Bill Simmons wants that story to go away.

Best bet for the weekend: Gonzo gets the bag!

“Bway-nos tahr-days, amigos! We all know how important the Jimmy Fund is, Don. Those kids need our help. But I got an even better idear: helpin’ my beauterful son Jared get outta prison. Look, he made a mistake, but the young lady there shouldn’t auhter have made him angry. It’s time to put aside the annermosity and bring my son home. BE SURE TO TEXT #FREEJARED TO THE NUMBAH ON YOUR SCREEN BELOW.”

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Matt Vautour, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I got all the trouble I’m ever gonna need. And I just don’t want no more.

Guest Patriots Column – Regarding Hunter Henry

Posted on August 13, 2026 by guestcollaborator72 Leave a comment

Doesn’t he just look right in the old Pat Patriot uniform, Craig?

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

New England has a history of dynamic tight ends who, in the barest sense, acted as security blankets for their quarterbacks. Of course, that is a criminally minimalist way to explain the contributions of Rob Gronkowski, Ben Coates, and Russ Francis. They could block, catch, run, and open up the game. They’re either enshrined in Canton, waiting for their gold jacket, or at worst qualified to be inducted into the Hall of Very Good (Coates).

Hunter Henry, now entering his age-32 season with the Patriots, likely won’t receive a gold jacket or be widely remembered. The fandom of this current Patriots team is centered on Drake Maye—and understandably so. Eventually someone who catches his spirals will become a Twitter darling to the hyper-online community. But that won’t be Henry. Something about how he plays, looks, and conducts himself doesn’t register. Yet on the field he’s been the team’s most dependable player in an era plagued by instability.

Since Bill Belichick signed Henry in the rare Robert Kraft green-lit splurge of 2021, his quarterbacks have been plentiful and mostly bad: Mac Jones, Bailey Zappe, Jacoby Brissett, and then finally Maye. Despite that, his raw numbers never dipped, and he has compiled an impressive résumé over his five seasons in Foxborough.

In five years, Henry ranks among franchise tight ends third in receptions (259), fourth in yards (2,973), fourth in touchdowns (26), first in catch percentage (68.3%), and fourth in total games (81).

While Gronkowski excelled in the vertical game, Coates specialized in brute force across the middle, and Francis was a trailblazer in utilizing raw, imposing speed, Henry has exercised spatial awareness and acts as a high-IQ chain mover.
He cannot duplicate the blocking ability of Gronkowski, though he does excel as a positional blocker, accumulating an above-average block win rate of 75.8%. Everything Henry does is in the shadows and easily forgotten.

On third downs he is primarily the safety blanket his quarterback will look to if things break down. Over his career, an elite 84.4% of his third-down receptions have resulted in a first down. In third-and-medium settings, Henry can use his football IQ to find and exploit soft spots in zone coverage.

He can use his body to shield off trailing defenders, giving Maye an open, low-risk window to throw into. Even when defenders lock down in man coverage on third down, Henry’s strong hands stand out. He ranked fourth among all tight ends with 13 contested catches last season.

In the red zone, Henry can find his way through traffic, boasting an impressive 63% catch rate inside the 20-yard line. Twenty-four of his touchdowns in a Patriots uniform have come from inside the red zone. What he does is actually similar to what A.J. Brown does, only from the inside rather than the outside.

Just recently he signed a two-year extension and will be expected to shoulder the brunt of the load at his position, as he has throughout his entire tenure. Co-stars at the position have come and gone: Jonnu Smith, Mike Gesicki, Austin Hooper, and now rookie Eli Raridon is expected to suit up next to him as the second tight end.

Henry represents dependability and leadership both on and off the field even as the team around him burned.

It’s all about Drake Maye in Foxborough. As it should be. And Brown eats up what little oxygen is left. Henry exists on the fringes, but when you look at what he’s meant to this franchise that’s been in flux, you can’t put a price on that level of peace of mind.

Vinny Jace is a special contributor to The15net.com.

2026
NFL

07/29/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on July 29, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*You wouldn’t ask a hard question to a coach holding a puppy, would you?*

I would suggest that Portnoy not take retards with him to Celebrity Family Feud, but I honestly don’t know who the non-retarded Barstool employees are.

How do you have x-rays negative and a broken wrist?

I love a good Facebook page.

Dr. Blumberg is neglecting her wifely duties; keeping Robert’s pathological need to be in front of a camera in check.

If you get into an online argument about badminton, do they say “you don’t know cock”?

It’s over for Mr. Lombardi.

Lot of bad tattoos at the beach right now.

LeBron is not a Wolf.

Hi not being a jerk but please don’t use “kiddos.” Kids or campers works. Thx

Cakes are coking for Charles Schwab, Roz Kelly, Michelle Angelo, Neal Doughty, Leslie Easterbrook, Geddy Lee, Ken Burns, Patti Scialfa, Scott Steiner, Martina McBride, Mike Williams, Wil Wheaton, Wanyá Morris, Josh Radnor, Allison Mack, Ashley McBryde, Chad Billingsley, and Dak Prescott.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays (enough to be constantly on vacation) is, “Maybe the crew at Dave & Busters are still trying to fish out those skee balls.”

311 is very polarizing.

You get tired much earlier in the night after a fun day at the beach.

The WNBA is going to fuck up the free lunch after the one-car funeral procession for their league.

I don’t want to say I called the Mead injury right away but that’s exactly how it unfolded, like an old AAA map of New England in your glove compartment.

Imagine sharing a screen with Chris Curtis and being, by far, the uglier person.

Cumberland College thought Team Barstool got their asses kicked.

I like that Dan Kelley strays into slightly edgier content than Dan Kelley Sports.

A seagull pooped on my mom’s head at the beach. Thankfully she was wearing my old Hartford Whalers hat that i never wore because it was the wrong hat style. Still sucked having to throw away a Whalers hat at a CT Beach.

Living on a lighted stage
Approaches the unreal
For those who think and feel
In touch with some reality
Beyond the gilded cage

Cast in this unlikely role,
Ill-equipped to act
With insufficient tact
One must put up barriers
To keep oneself intact.

Curtis Mead got injured before some not-as-clever-as-they-think social media person tried to get him to attempt pronunciations of Massachusetts towns in his Aussie accent.

We also monitor your Facebook, too, dummy.

I love the phrase “prospect hugging,” Every player in baseball was a prospect at some point in time. They were all hugged.

Curtain bangs are out. Cloud bangs are in.

That Romo bodycam footage was underwhelming – you’ll all probably pass ten drivers before noon tomorrow drunker than he was.

How can you not love a guy who spreads sawdust during the day, and hot takes at night?

Watch the Backlund cage match vs Snuka from MSG….listen to that crowd.

Red Line Update: Delays of about 20 minutes due to a switch problem at JFK/UMass. Trains may stand by at stations.

Honk if you remember “Captain” Lou Albano.

Fun fact: I’ve never had an Uncrustable. Not opposed, just hasn’t happened.

Will Mead be back before Roman?

Wilt Chamberlain played one season for the Harlem Globetrotters.

Belichick chooses friends like an aspy automaton.

Obviously not the main point of the news this week but Tony Romo pretty lucky at 46 to have his grandparents still alive.

No, I think we should debate Jordan and LeBron again.

Down undah, a limp wrist is an advantage kehd.

Ryan Whitney someday donating his brain to BU for study will have a nice symmetry to it.

Best bet for the weekend: loud and pointless ‘WR1’ arguments.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Matt Vautour, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx.

*Dutch tilt Bianca. Like a Batman TV show villainess. She can tie me up anytime. What?*

07/15/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on July 15, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Boston Stadium and its natural grass is gone.*

America’s Hat is on fire. Disapprove.

I still haven’t heard Paul George say a single word. For that reason alone, the Celtics won the trade.

Maybe Fenway Park will get the All-Star Game again in 2099.

Bomani Jones still has a podcast? Good for him!

Got home to all the doors and windows open while it’s 86 out.

Sam Neill. OOTG’s. Gone too soon. Maybe they can clone him, from bits of his DNA?

Need Caleb Durbin to hit a grand slam at some point so I can use “Durbie fully loaded” for a headline.

I like to think there is a chestnut eating contest somewhere in the world and Joey Hot Dog is the champion.

Carrabis looks like how Japanese people draw Americans in hentai porn.

I hate that I have to share a world with people who find Pat McAfee entertaining and informative.

Cakes are coking for Linda Ronstadt, Artemis Pyle, Trevor Horn, Jesse Ventura, Jeff Carlisi, John Stallworth, Terry O’Quinn, Alicia Bridges, Joe Satriani, Kim Alexis, Willie Aames, Forest Whitaker, Lolita Davidovich, Brigitte Nielsen, Kirt Manwaring, Adam Savage, Carnell Lake, Scott Foley, Brian Austin Green, John Dolmayan, Diane Kruger, Gabriel Iglesias, Damian Lillardm and Masataka Yoshida.

Good for the Rockies. Finally nailing a draft.

Sorry Norway, but cables & catwalks rules apply to all Florida stadia.

No one celebrates entry level jobs like the sports industry. But congrats to Michael Hurley, I guess!

Punches landed in Vegas: Bam Adebayo: 1, Conor McGregor: 0

Worcester Line Train 533 (10:50 AM from South Station) is operating 10-20 minutes behind schedule between Boston Landing and Worcester due to necessary track work and a switch issue.

Le Braquet is bousted…..well not mine…..!!!!

‘You’re the co-pilot? Wow, you’re pretty enough to have been a stewardess!’ as a pick-up line may not get you cleared for landing, Iceman.

Try to imagine being upset about the 3rd summer league game.

Hair is only useful under age 30.

A fantasy football draft in early July is fucking insane.

Hey gang of right-swipers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Oh, you tryna get bumpy, my Nilla?’

Al’s Seafood in North Hampton kinda owns.

Do you ever lay in bed at night and think about just how good Rajon Rondo was.

Lindey Graham only died to fuck all the people on Kalshi who bet on McConnell being the next dead senator. RIP.

Adam here’s a non sports question or debate I would love a discussion of is what’s the worse kind of in law to deal with ..a gossiper? Or a complainer all the time?

Taylor Mathis looks like she’d have a hotter voice.

We’re doing “reach” in the baseball draft now?

Ain’t no change in the weather
Ain’t no changes in me
Well, there ain’t no change in the weather
Ain’t no changes in me
And I ain’t hiding from nobody
Nobody’s hiding from me
Oh, that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

9.5 hours of sleep + 60 eggs hard boiled = gear for the 47 year old man.

Imagine not wanting to pump a baby into Laura Dern?

They should make the whole of extra time out of corner kicks only.

Tootle your signal device if you shop at a foodstore.

It doesn’t matter if you believe in the Red Sox. All that matters is that the Red Sox believe in the Red Sox.

Thrilled to find out ̶R̶e̶a̶d̶ Rear Admiral is a fellow fan of physical media. Back in the day RA was going to color the outside edge of the CDs with a green felt tip, but all he could find was one of those giant Marks-A-Lot pens and he ended up spending the afternoon huffing that.

You suppose Platner’s oyster farm is set up like a concentration camp?

The LPGA ladies are fun to watch if you’re a golf purist. Just insane ball striking. And a few of them rise to ‘sweaty tennis broad’ level.

And yet his profile pic is of a black man…

The Revs should have their own hall of fame.

Kendra looks like Thomas the Tank Engine, but with rosacea.

I wonder if Nick Wright was wearing a Lindsey Graham jersey the other night.

All the best sex apps names evoke VD symptoms.

In their inaugural season, the @VermontGreenFC women’s team is going to the national championship.

Oh man, Chris Simms put Brady 9th on his all-time QB list.

Imagine if Wemby played goalie.

Best bet for the weekend: a Red Sox second-half stumble out of the gate.

*That big Viking fella, he gets America.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Call me the breeze.

*And happy birthday to German actress/former model Diane Kruger.*

07/01/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on July 1, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Is anyone in here actually turning off their radios??

Contreras is a compelling character – fiery hotheaded Latin with a grudge against shifting tectonic plates. His partner is his polar opposite – Yoshida is icy cool and inscrutable. The tsunamis and violent earth movements are but a falling cherry blossom in the stream of this life.

Fun fact: The attempts in a World Cup shootout are not “penalty kicks” because they don’t penalize anything — they just use that procedure. They’re “kicks from the penalty mark.” (See law 10.3.)

Jaylen Brown is clearly not the 7th best player on his team by any reasonable metric, but using analytics to troll him into a meltdown? Very funny.

Weathermen saying it’s going to be hot this week but I’m staying woke.

They should play “Sweet Caroline” at the second half hydration break to make sportswriters around the world get unnecessarily angry.

I love how in 2026 there are people who still look to Ordway for info on how the NBA works.

Is “brash” a synonym for “brainless moron”? #lol

There’s no truth to the rumor that Early strained his elbow trying to pick up Roman Anthony’s bar tab.

However this LeBron James situation plays out, it’s going to be fascinating. Could be a lot of CBA/trade/cap stuff at play here. Should be fun to put together!

Cakes are coking for Sam Rutigliano, Jamie Farr, Twyla Tharpe, Doug Carpenter, Geneviève Bujold, Debbie Harry, Mama Scartelli, Fred Schneider, Dan Aykroyd, Steve Shutt, Mike Haynes, Alan Ruck, Brian Sabean, Lorna Patterson, Grant Daulton, Hannu Kamppuri, Nancy Lieberman, Evelyn “Champagne” King, Carl Lewis, Roddy Bottum, Carl Fogarty, Patrick McEnroe, Pamela Anderson, Julianne Nicholson, Missy Elliott, Jarome Iginla, Liv Tyler, Nelson Cruz, Charlie Blackmon, Michael Wacha, and Tate McRae.

Do we like the J.J. Peterka deal? Let us know in the comments.

Hey gang of snack food addicts, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Hey fat Grimace, get your dick out of the zebra cakes.”

Dianna Russini was making 800K a year? She brought home the bacon and the hog.

Sucks when you’re already uncomfortable on camera as it is and someone makes a dick comment on your appearance. And I’ve even been working on it lately because I don’t want to die of liver failure at 42. But hey internet a-holes don’t care. Oh well.

Carrabis spends more time driving by Cora’s house than working on his legs.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

You can never have toumani camaras.

How are the midgets in Nova Scotia? I feel they’re probably more midgety with the exchange rate.

Head Dummy gonna Head Dummy.

Can’t tap your helmet? Can’t throw your helmet at people? This sport has gotten soft!

Has anybody thought how much this elevates Trick’s wins over Sami? You can slide him into the main event anytime now with clear logic. Give a guy his flowers and help establish another talent. Good business.

Jaylen will go full Kyrie if someone says he’s the seventh smartest player on the team.

In honor of Italian-American Night, all the women will be absolutely smoking hot for the first five innings, and then they’ll turn into their fat mothers for the last four.

It’s so nice not to be followed around by cops anymore.

Nick Cattles doing a million trade proposals after being aggregated once is a tremendous look into his vapid empty head.

Maybe don’t open mouth kiss all the other gym dudes?

I don’t like certain elements of Socialism but I do know that Mayor Zoran Mandani Is already a national figure .

The rivalry lasts 9 innings. Being decent people lasts a lot longer.

Mbappe is probably going to with that SuperToe Award.

Massachusetts hasn’t had this bad a week for Hooters since back when Linda H. had her implants removed.

John Zannis is unequivocally the biggest retard in Celtics media and that says so much because he’s talking next to Bobby Manning.

Side loading is how Asians get pregnant.

People used to call sports radio wanting to make Clemens and Pedro closers. Let’s just take Cy Young winners pitching 200 plus innings a season and have them throw 60 innings instead. Dear departed EGA was a big proponent of converting Clemens to a closer. It all goes back to Dave Righetti. Anyone who throws a lot of strike outs should automatically become the closer, kid!

My favorite part of free agency so far was windy dropping “What if Jaylen Brown goes to the Cavs and LeBron James joins him there?” as the ESPN show went to commercial. The way he dropped that and strutted back to the desk like a boss was amazing.

I love seeing fat guys respect each other.

An MLB work stoppage might give Roman Anthony enough time to get healthy.

Don’t leave me hanging on the telephone
Don’t leave me hanging on the telephone

It’s good to hear your voice, you know it’s been so long
If I don’t get your calls then everything goes wrong
I want to tell you something you’ve known all along

Don’t leave me hanging on the telephone.

Freddy was the spiritual grandson of Max von Sydow’s ‘Good Nazi’ character in Victory. I hope you nabobs of negativity are proud of yourselves.

Why do you need to understand a community to make a Red Sox hat?

Don’t invite Jaylen to a conciliatory dinner at Toscano’s, send him to Table by himself and tell him to fuck off.

Honk if you remember Milly Alcock..

Can’t wait to see if Willson Contreras gets ejected for the 3rd straight game today.

New music on the radio is in desperate need of more saxophone.

Ivan Ivan? Really?

I guess ‘Annoying Pizza-Loving Midget Jew’ was deemed too clunky a title for Portnoy’s book.

Don’t forget to thank an armed service member this weekend.

Red Sox are in last place at the end of June with the worst record they’ve had in decades, and it’s still a Baseball Town.

Germany lost to a line on the map?

Best bet for the weekend: everyone comes back from the 4th with the same number of fingers they started with. Happy 250th, United States of America.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Matt Vautour, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. The tide is high but I’m holding on.

*And happy Birthday to French actress Léa Seydoux.*

Guest Patriots Column – Musical Chairs in the WR Room?

Posted on June 8, 2026 by TheIntern15 Leave a comment

Actual wide receiver room may appear differently.

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

The dust has settled, the new car has been driven off the lot and onto the road. Now it’s time to get a clear idea of what the Patriots have and what they’ll need to do to sustain it. A.J. Brown, for all the faults I’ve previously attributed to him, remains a very explosive talent with a year or two of above-average production left in the tank. While it’s unlikely he’ll rack up 1,500 yards and touchdowns in the high teens again, you have to be optimistic that offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels will find ways to utilize him that go beyond the stat sheet.

The 2025 Patriots receivers were a plucky, pugnacious group that punched above their weight class. Rather than relying on a single player to carry the load, they spread the wealth. Stefon Diggs was a focal point of the interior passing game, logging 52% of his total snaps in the slot. Mack Hollins was heavily featured as a “power slot”—a physically imposing receiver who lines up inside rather than outside. Unlike traditional slot receivers, power slots use their size, strength, and blocking ability to exploit smaller nickel cornerbacks.
It was a classic “Do Your Job” team that spread the ball around and played a balanced, flexible style that minimized weaknesses. While the 2026 Patriots are far from perfect, there is reason to view them as superior to the squad that just made the Super Bowl.

Brown made no secret of his dissatisfaction with his role in Philadelphia. While how he expressed that dissatisfaction remains a bone of contention for me, the underlying reasons appear understandable. The Eagles ran a rigid, perimeter-based approach that kept Brown on the outside. He ran a career-low 12.4% of his routes from the slot and was targeted on dig or crosser routes just 22 times. He was locked into a vertical wideout role—something he can do—but it led to stagnation for both him and those around him, as the Eagles couldn’t find the offensive groove they needed.

For McDaniels, it’s fair to assume he doesn’t see Brown as a Randy Moss redux. More likely, he views him as a Rob Gronkowski redux: a physically imposing, gritty “big slot” who will work primarily from the inside. When that isn’t in the game plan, they can utilize Brown in what they called “Spear Routes” last year—two deep posts designed to clear out the safeties so the backside receiver can cut underneath on a deep dig.

Pro Football Focus data highlights Brown’s value in the slot. His grades dating back to 2022 remain strong, and any recent downtick can be attributed more to how Philadelphia ran its offense than to Brown’s own decline.

Among wide receivers, Brown’s slot performance since 2022:

2022: 12-20 | 180 yds, 4 TD | 88.9 grade (t-11th)

2023: 15-20 | 225 yds, 1 TD | 91.6 grade (6th)

2024: 5-10 | 82 yds, 3 TD | 91.8 grade (t-4th)

2025: 11-19 | 154 yds, 1 TD | 85.8 grade (10th) (Stats courtesy of @ThrowbackPATS. https://x.com/throwbackpats/status/2062244366090215923?s=46&t=pAGJU4_47xmQiQLpkIQLyQ)

Of course, adding Brown opens the door to potential locker room discontent—most notably from third-year wideout Kayshon Boutte. He is one year away from unrestricted free agency and just watched his role shrink with the arrivals of both Brown and Romeo Doubs.

I can understand Boutte’s frustration. He was a good soldier playing for a knucklehead like Mac Jones in his rookie year. He was the only player who improved during the debacle that was the 2024 season. In 2025, he remained unheralded but developed into a reliable, explosive deep-ball threat who saved Drake Maye on multiple occasions. If older Patriots fans are reading this (first off, thank you), I hope it isn’t sacrilege to compare Boutte to Stanley Morgan—the original yards-after-catch merchant. Boutte’s 16.7 yards per reception ranked 5th in the NFL, and he caught over 71% of his targets.

Boutte has made it clear he wants a new destination where he can feel secure in his role and protect his path to generational wealth. You’re that close, and playing the good soldier only gets you so far in this league. This is where Mike Vrabel, Eliot Wolf, and Ryan Cowden need to set modern sensibilities aside and smooth things over. They should be willing to endure a few uncomfortable days—Boutte skipping practice, fines being handed out—and work toward a resolution. Trading a 24-year-old wideout who has come up big for you in key games is rarely a recipe for long-term success.

You could argue the Patriots are so deep at receiver that they can let Boutte walk for a meaningless fifth-round pick and not miss a beat. But that underestimates the savage nature of pro football. Injuries happen. Brown has a well-documented history of knee issues and has landed on the injury report multiple times. If Brown or Doubs misses time, Boutte can step in and pick up the slack in ways that less-developed players like Kyle Williams and Efton Chism simply can’t. The Patriots currently enjoy rare depth at a premium position. You can’t put a price on that

If the situation reaches Lawyer Milloy or Randy Moss levels of dysfunction, letting Boutte go becomes understandable—but it would still sting, given how much younger he is than either of those players when their time in Foxboro ended.
There’s also a beautiful irony here: Brown and Boutte complement each other perfectly. Brown will command constant safety help and double teams, creating space for Boutte to get open in one-on-one matchups. New England would win those battles all day. When Brown mauls defenders across the middle, it opens the door for Boutte to thrive as a deep threat. A Brown/Boutte partnership would also help solidify the run game and create higher-percentage throws for Hunter Henry and DeMario Douglas.

You can downplay Boutte’s desire to leave by saying Doubs will replace his value. While Doubs is excellent, it doesn’t change the reality that injuries are common and the trade return for Boutte would likely be underwhelming.
Right now, if my choices are a late-round pick (fifth or sixth) or letting him walk after this season—assuming he remains professional when it matters—I’m leaning toward keeping him. With this group, the Patriots are in far too advantageous a position to do otherwise.

Vinny Jace is a special contributor to The15net.com. He does not live in Jonathan City.

2026
NFL

06/03/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on June 3, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Dianna Russini died for this trade.

Lately I’ve really been enjoying when something horrific happens during a Red Sox game to switch over to Sirius and rewinding to hear the reaction of smiley Flemming.

If the Spurs win this TITAL expect to see that Kornet block replayed forever.

Did everyone remember to wish a Happy Pride Month to the fake bisexual sports media gals?

Roman Anthony was built using parts made by Fiat.

I’m just happy one of the teams sponsored by a middle eastern airline won the big footie match.

Lou Damn Merloni never shuts up about using challenges.

Tired: ‘5th round picks are worthless, YOU overvalue them’ Wired: ‘how can you throw in a 5th rounder? Desperate!’

Ok if it’s a meteor where the hell did it land?

Cakes are cooking for Jim Gentile, Ian Hunter, Billy Cunningham, Hale Irwin, John Dykstra, Suzi Quattro, Deniece Williams, Dan Hill, Ibrahim Hussain, Scott Valentine, Steve Lyons, Dorothee “Doro” Pesch, Kerry King, Nelson Liriano, Mike Gordon, Anderson Cooper, Samantha Sprackling, Carl Everett, John Hodgman, José Molina, Az-Zahir Hakim, Cris, Travis Hafner, Al Horford, Rafael Nadal, Lalaine, and beabadoobee.

I’d assume this isn’t supposed to be my takeaway but isn’t it odd how when confronted with his own mortality Chris Gasper puts down the thesaurus and writes like normal person? Anyhoo, don’t die from cancer, man.

Hulking black teenager who’s really into Dragon Ball Z is one of the foundational American archetypes.

Bob Cousy calls A.J. Brown, ‘Arthur.’ Probably.

In other Red Sox rehab news, Garrett Crochet “can now spend several minutes in the same room as a baseball without crying.”

All the experts said the Thunder was a dynasty after winning 1 championship last year.

The Onwenu restructure is roughly the 37th story in a row that was not broken by the local Patriots beat writers. But we’re absolutely supposed to take them and everything they say seriously though.

After that Game 7 performance, Chet Holmgren should probably drop the blaccent.

I liken the way Eagles fans consume professional sports to the way young girls play with dolls.

I met Dee Brown once after he won the dunk contest. I panicked and gave him a rhinestone Chicago Bulls hat to autograph. (It was 1993 and that was the style at the time)

Hey gang of bakers and bakerinas, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Remove me from the future.”

People who think it’s actually supposed to be consistently hot here in New England during the month of May are lunatics.

Did the announcer just say Balogun is good with his feet? I hope so, he’s playing soccer.

I don’t care what FIFA wants, I’m still calling the place up in Foxboro where the World Cup matches are gonna be played Schaefer Stadium.

Television man is crazy,
Saying we’re juvenile deliquent wrecks-
Oh, man, I need TV when I got T-Rex,
Oh, brother, you’ve guessed, I’m a dude, dad!

If you’re thinking about killing yourself because Claude Lemieux died, please do it. (Necessary Legal Disclaimer goes here)

Did the Browns trade Myles Garrett to further disenfranchise Shadeur? IJATQ

Bret Michaels doesn’t want the gig?

Green Line C & D Branch Update: Normal service has resumed on the D Branch between Riverside & Brookline Hills. Shuttle buses continue to replace service on the C Branch between Cleveland Circle & Coolidge Corner.

Goodwill famously only sells brand new clothes.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

Can I PLEASE get a break from Jelly Roll?

“Tony Farmer is an important man.” – Senator Arlen Specter, if he were still on this side of the grass.

She’d like to model, or maybe act, or start a magazine
Before she signs any big contracts, she better learn to read
But in her dreams she’s the queen of the fashion regime

You ask me do I love you, does the Pope live in the woods?
Quod Erat Demonstrandum, baby. (“Ooh, you speak french!”)

She’s an AIRHEAD.
Stungun and mace, Kharmann Ghia plates say “Lost in Space”
She’s an AIRHEAD.
Thousands in trust, cusp Aquarius – get serious.
She’s an AIRHEAD.
Tinted contacts don’t change the fact that black is black.
She’s an AIRHEAD.
And while I’m impressed with the size of that chest,
she’s not an intellectual giant…

Migratory grifters pretending they knew who Claude Lemieux or Ray Bourque was before last week? Not cool.

Speaking as someone who is from NYC, chopped cheese has been a fabric of the culture of NYC food BROADLY since the late 90s early 2000s What we NOT gonna do is pull some crazy revisionist history when it comes to chopped cheese.

The Red Sox hate Fenway Park. Which is unfortunate because I love Fenway Park.

Nespresso!

Honk if you remember saxophonist Homer ‘Boots’ Randolph.

First Peabs, now Peabo. You’ll be missed, Mr. Bryson.

I like the narrative immediately swinging to “you hafta get a WR1!” To “YOU overpaid!” It’s almost as if they just need grist for the disingenuous grist mill.

I couldn’t solve today’s SteveRdle.

It would be sooooo epic if Kendra stumbled upon a Namibian village where the inhabitants were wearing Jaguars’ 2017 Super Bowl shirts.

C+C Music Factory questionable for July 4 with an upper body injury.

I’m sure Raymond Berry died contented secure in the knowledge his leading the Patriots to their 1st Super Bowl appearance and a winning overall record as HC is sufficient to earn a place in the Patriots Hall of Fame…eventually.

Happy National Egg Day.

Are these Unobstructed View commercials supposed to be enticing me to watch it?

It’s low-key kinda disrespectful to take Cam Newton’s number.

What’s with these horrible uniforms I’m seeing? “CLE!” “The Lou?” WTF?

Dan Lifshatz must have been betting on D1 tennis.

Well, if Colorado or Montreal can’t compete for the right to hoist Lord Stanley’s Cup, at least the famously hockey-mad burgs of Raleigh, North Carolina and Las Vegas, Nevada qualified to play.

Peter King never claimed Greg Bedard was almost a baseball coach!

Best bet for the weekend: no rainouts at Yankee Stadium.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. All the young dudes.

*There’s something different about Lucy, what is it though?*
*Kicky bangs? No. A new eyeshadow? No, that’s not it, either.*
*Huh. I’m stumped.*

Guest Patriots Column – What Can A.J. Brown Do For NE?

Posted on June 2, 2026 by TheIntern15 One comment

better start reading Erhardt-Perkins, buddy.

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

It’s difficult in the moment to gauge how you’ll ultimately feel about a transaction like the one the Patriots just made for star wideout Arthur Juan ‘A.J.’ Brown. The new-car smell evaporates quickly and gives way to pessimism. But the truth is we won’t know for sure until the fall whether this is the move that pushes the defending AFC champions over the top.

The Brown/Patriots/Eagles affair was the worst-kept secret in the league for months. You only had to wait until four o’clock on the afternoon of June 1, when Philadelphia was no longer on the hook for the 29-year-old wideout’s massive $43.4 million dead-money cap hit, to consummate the deal.

The Eagles wanted cap relief and assets; the Patriots wanted a big-name weapon to pair with their blue-chip quarterback and solid wide receiver group. Safe to assume both sides got what they wanted. The Eagles get to split Brown’s salary between the 2026 and 2027 seasons while picking up a 2028 first-round pick in the process. The Patriots finally land the big-name weapon that has eluded this team since Randy Moss (or Brandin Cooks, depending on how you look at it).

Philadelphia had clearly lined their ducks up in a row, knowing Brown wasn’t sticking around. They drafted a wide receiver with their first-round pick this year, promoted DeVonta Smith as their WR1, and stayed relatively quiet on trade partners beyond New England. This entire saga lacked significant drama because it had felt inevitable since October of last season, when Brown and quarterback Jalen Hurts had a very public falling out.

The red flags are obvious for the Patriots. Brown is quick to let players, coaches, and the media know when he’s dissatisfied. He stomped his way out of a well-run Eagles organization.

It’s easy to envision him burning bridges with Mike Vrabel, clashing with Josh McDaniels, and forcing Drake Maye to deal with the kind of prima donna behavior that can be cancerous to a young star quarterback.

Historically, you’d rather be the team unloading a vaunted WR1 than acquiring him. Once a big-money wide receiver is over 28, his chances of consistently living up to that contract tend to decline.

Yet the appearance of security a star like Brown provides often leads teams to overlook that reality. Football remains the one major sport where you can realistically build from within and still have the flexibility to pounce on the right opportunity.
You very rarely buy a championship in pro football. What New England is hoping for is that Brown has a seismic enough impact to make the offensive line, linebacker depth, and defensive line concerns irrelevant.

Brown is already showing significant wear and tear after seven seasons of bruising, bully-ball work with the Titans and Eagles. His physical style has taken a toll: double knee surgery after his rookie contract, repeated knee issues, and clear athletic decline (his yards-after-catch average dropped to a career-low 12.9 this past season).

Many are comparing this deal to the Patriots’ past acquisitions of Randy Moss or Brandin Cooks, but the circumstances and player profiles aren’t the same. Moss was older but cost only a fourth-round pick. Cooks was just 24, cost a first- and a third-rounder, and was flipped for two firsts a year later. Brown cost significant draft capital, is five years older than Cooks was at the time, and comes with larger question marks.

Howie Roseman is an excellent general manager. If Eliot Wolf is truly running the show in Foxboro, it’s hard to see him getting outmaneuvered here. The Patriots got their shiny new toy and have officially “won” the offseason. History shows that rarely translates into winning actual games.