The 15

Me crying at my TV screen saying, “you’re still him, Drake. You’re still HIM!“

Wow. 75 years now since Bobby Thomson’s home run. And how about Dave Winfield being born that very day?

Sources close to Lane Johnson said he’s retiring to spend time around “fewer Italians.”

Wow, CBS fired Romo. He should go to Barstool and paint his face with Mut.

Celtics tickets for this coming season are flying off the proverbial shelf as usual.

I love that the Brewers’ pitching coach is named Chris Hook.

Usually I prefer nacho cheese Doritos but sometimes cool ranch hits the spot.

The Red Sox might as well be the pallbearers at my funeral…until my last breath they will let me down.

I hate Ross Tucker’s big, dumb voice. He has a ‘fat kid in middle school’ voice.

Cakes are cooking for Kevin Godley, John Mellencamp, Ricky Phillips, Tico Torres, Yo-Yo Ma, Brian Sutter, Jayne Torvill, Judy Landers, Simon Cowell, Toni Braxton, Thom Yorke, Malia Hosaka, Johnnie Morton, Priest Holmes, Allison Munn, Shannon MacMillan, Charles Woodson, Taylor Hicks, Nathaniel Rateliff, Aaron Ashmore, Shawn Ashmore, Jake McLaughlin, Evan Longoria, Lee Nguyen, Mookie Betts, and Lewis Capaldi.

Putting on my best Carhartt polo to support my rape-victim friend.

That Patriots-Bills game was totally wild. It’s Ryan Murphy show level with bizarre occurrences.

My X account has been blocked by Dan Bongino and Martina Navratilova…

This weekend has all the potential for AC and heat in the same 24 hours. Mark my words.

Red Line Update: The delay has cleared.

Hey gang with their steamer trunks covered in destination stickers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “For a guy that’s been on eight teams in four years? I mean, I guess he knows the drill.”

You ever have a morning where you’re so tired that you pour your granola into your coffee?

I’m all set with the Teddy Swims White Claw commercials.

RIP Sam McDowell. I love Pat Jordan’s immortal line, sayin’ that McDowell’s pre-game warm-up sounded like “a small thunderstorm in the bullpen.”

Yankee fans must lead the league in backwards hat wearing.

I love how the NFL stadiums have the security stand on the sidelines facing the crowd, having no clue that people are about to fly into you and shred your knee.

Every time I see Chase Meidroth, I read it as ‘Cla Meredith.’

Tyquan Thornton…… oh man.

Look, there’s a lot of shit content out there. Hard to rise above the rest enough to get me to double take, but this vampire sitcom on CBS has done it.

Lots of bodegas in Weymouth, presumably.

Dondero is really the ultimate evolution of Felgerism. Just the extreme fluctuations of takes without any regard for what he said last week or even yesterday.

Or put another way, success is going from wild ass take to wild ass take without losing enthusiasm.

Hey buddy go bang a harlot and bother someone else or I will make sure X puts you in a corner.

Roger Goodell’s earned a lot of criticism, but keeping ads off game uniforms is one of the few things for which he deserves massive kudos.

What makes you sad, what makes you blue?
I’m all in rags with nothing to lose
We could traverse and find a way through
Land in the grass and start acting like fools.

You’re a prisoner by day
Is that what you choose?
Stand in the water, baby
It’ll get you through tonight.

I would contribute to a GoFundMe for New Hampshire to get its own network TV affiliates so we wouldn’t have to watch election commercials for candidates we can’t vote for/against.

Sam Yarnell needs to boost his follower count, playboi.

Colson Yankoff, a TE and former 4-star high school QB, is now the emergency QB for Washington.

Honk if you remember Grossman’s.

Seeing Jaylen as a Sixer has pee pee river man Greenie losing control of all his bodily functions.

Hardy has burn-victim mouth.

One time on vacation I went to some butterfly reserve on the Dutch part of Saint Maarten. Asked them if they liked the band Crazy Town. They had no idea what I was talking about.

Get well soon, Marchy.

Romeo Doubs’ one-handed TD catch really got Farrah Fawcetted!

Do you think if more people in the Red Sox front office had played Horizon Zero Dawn they would have left Sonny Gray stay in and finish the inning?

Every loser crying about McDaniels was the same sack of shit up in the 300s back in the day that would cry when he’d run a draw on passing downs.

Best bet for the weekend: putting up the storm windows & taking in the potted plants and Christopher Columbus statues.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, Joe Posnanski, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. My heart was breaking, hands are shaking
Bugs are crawling all over me.