The 15

🚨 A Storm Team 15 Weather Alert! 🚨

If that crazy, fat, bald, old man who lives alone in his creepy basement apartment has seemed extra irritable lately, it’s not only because he’s been getting his teeth kicked in on Twitter every day (although that’s 99% of the reason). It’s also because his rheumatism is probably acting up due to the impending Nor’easter (that and his eleven meniscus surgeries).

Nor’easter Preparedness Tips:

• Stock Up on the 4 B’s: Beer, Bread, Batteries and Beer
• Secure the Exterior: Bring patio furniture, garbage cans, and any small children indoors
• Protect Windows: Baseball season isn’t over, but it might be time to install the storm windows
• Clear Drainage: Send your wife up the ladder to clean out the gutters and downspouts
• Vehicle Prep: Keep your gas tank full. Remember, much like your beer fridge: “half full is empty”
• Check on Your Elderly Neighbors: They may have some extra beer

Stay safe, keep your paws dry, and remember: if the house blows away, you still have eight lives left.

Sunday Lunch Time
Chargers at Bills (-7)
Bills short circuit Bolts

Panthers (-2.5) at Browns
Black cats poop out Brown turds

Texans (-2.5) at Colts
Someone has to win, and Indy lost the coin flip

Jets at Lions (-6.5)
Kings of Beasts feast fancy on Gino’s Jets

Patriots at Jaguars (-2.5)
Spotted cats pounce on Maye’s many mistakes

Chiefs (-11.5) at Dolphins
Miami is definitely “Planning for Manning”©

Titans at Giants (-6)
Tits bounce G-Men

Bengals (-3.5) at Steelers
Stripey cats won’t be caged

Seahawks (-6.5) at Commanders
Fake Seabirds soar in the Swamp

Sunday Dinner Time
Cardinals at 49ers (-8.5)
Purdy’s cats swallow pretty red birds

Vikings at Buccaneers (-2.5)
Bucs shake and bake the Norsemen

Raiders at Saints (-3)
Saints stay above the Mendoza line

Ravens (-3) at Cowboys (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)
Pássaros pretos assustadores venceram os gauchos

Sunday Prowl Time
Rams (-2.5) at Broncos
Horny sheep thrive at elevation

Monday Prowl Time
Eagles at Bears (-3.5)
American Birds leave Bears bawling

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.