The 15

The Patriots red 1980s throwback uniforms are commonly called their “Pat Patriot” unis but the modern Flying Elvis mascot is still called Pat Patriot so technically their current unis are Pat Patriot too. Quite the conundrum.

Baseball truly is America’s game because it’s the only sport where sacrifices are built into the fabric of the game.

Well into October and Drake Maye still has some pretty good t-shirt tan lines going on his arms.

Are we supposed to say that some women at gyms don’t dress like whores?

Bad chirp.

I understand that several members of the 2001 Patriots left Gillette Stadium in tears thinking that Coach Belichick didn’t love them anymore because he didn’t send a video message.

Landman is the perfect name for a player who’s good at putting the ball on the ground.

I love how Ordway pats himself on the back as the reason WEEI was so popular when here’s the thing: all it was, was that there was no competition.

Would it kill her to go by Ann Maye?

I wish Bernie Brewer still slid into a mug of beer.

Cakes are cooking for Ralph Lauren, Billy Harrison, Justin Hayward, Dave Schultz, Katy Manning, Sheila Young Ochowicz, Marcia Barrett, Greg Evigan, Beth Daniel, Thomas Dolby, Isaac Mizrahi, Keith Byars, Lori Petty, Joe Girardi, Karyn White, Steve Coogan, Sylvain Lefebvre, Jim Jackson, Erika de Lone, Javon Walker, Usher, Jay Pharoah, and Jared Goff.

And there’s leftover cake in the break room from Bianca de la Garza’s birthday yesterday.

Brand new Garden floor this season. But tradition is important to the Celtics, so they’ve once again kept the bolts — even though they aren’t functional. (The boards fit together in sort of a tongue-and-groove manner.) The floor coating fills in the bolt gap, so it’s all smooth.

I think Greenwell tried to associate balding with wearing baseball hats.

Paul George is like a cat. He will jump in your lap every once in a while. He’s super lovable. Other times, you’re like, ‘Where’s Paul George?’ ‘Oh, he’s in the garage.’

Kelly Clarkson has put us all in danger.

Orange Line: Delays of about 20 minutes while personnel address a signal problem at Forest Hills. Trains may stand by at stations.

Ziegler, you’ve done it again!

Boystown is a throwback kind of place. I haven’t seen gaggles of gays in basic bars for a while.

Somebody cue up “Oklahoma! Where the wind comes right behind the rain.”

Source: UTEP over UTSA in a Secret Scrimmage.

RJ Mitte. Even Kendra mentioning the suicide hotline couldn’t stop him. Sad. RIP.

Honestly this Heat court, in the context of the rainbow going on everywhere else, is more Heat Culture than the literal “Heat Culture” court.

I was today years old when I learned what a scrimmage touchdown meant.

Pritch is back! Under contract for a two year extension!

George Lucas is upset that he didn’t think of Kindle Vildor as a Star Wars character name.

I’m not watching these Derrick White Pizza Shark commercials all season.

How many ‘K’s are there in Korn Ferry again?

Finally getting around to Ted Lasso’s newest season, and I can’t disagree more with the haters. It’s fine. It’s fun. It’s not meant to be an epic work of art. I will simply enjoy it.

Knock-knock! Who’s there? Richie Incognito! Richie Incognito who? EXACTLY.

The only person who cared more about a breakfast than Walt Jr. is Dan Shaughnessy.

Abby Chin did what Scal could never do… Disguise them titties in a flattering way.

Zolak didn’t have to make a Mazz apology? Weak.

Imagine being in eighth grade and your dad posts your school picture on Twitter for millions to see. And putting your kid’s picture on Twitter should be an automatic CPS visit.

I’m addicted to Bruins hockey and never sleeping more than 4 hours a night.

Love hurts, love scars

Love wounds and mars

Any heart

Not tough or strong enough

To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain

Love is like a cloud

Holds a lot of rain

Love hurts

Ooh, ooh love hurts.

Bill Simmons thinks robbing graves in the cemetery is called “cradle robbing”?

Honk if you remember Quiznos.

As the million dollar man ted dibasie said they don’t ask how they won..it’s who won.

Salmon Capistrano!

Good to see Dr. Pappas and the crack Red Sox medical staff didn’t see Garrett Whitlock had a broken leg.

Never listen to football takes from a guy who wears more mascara than Tyra Banks.

Luckily for the GSW fans Al Horford will be able to fill in a few times a month for the ailing Kristaps Porzingis.

Natural athletes heal faster than gritty ones.

Tucker Carlson thinks Glenn Ordway has a small pool of podcast guests.

Best bet for the weekend. Contented coachmen in the aftermath of The Head of the Charles Regatta.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, Old BSMW Friend Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Heartbreaker, soul shaker. I’ve been told about you.