Tag Archives: 2026

Football Cats Week 1 NFL Picks 2026

Our long national nightmare is over!  Football Cat has returned to brighten your humdrum lives and fill your coffers with money. 

The cat knows ball

If you live under a rock and are unfamiliar with THE Football Cat™, our AI overlords have been kind enough to provide this brief bio:

Football Cat is a humorous NFL prediction feature on the Football Cat Category page of The 15 website.

Who is Football Cat?

Location: Lives in New Hampshire.

Hobby: Loves watching football.

Identity: Literally a cat.

What Does Football Cat Do?

Weekly Picks: Shares regular NFL game predictions throughout the football season.

Special Events: Publishes special columns for holidays and big events, like Thanksgiving games and the NFL playoffs.

Funny Commentary: Uses silly nicknames and jokes to describe teams and matchups.

Who are you calling silly?

Sunday Lunch Time
Bears (-2.5) at Panthers

Windy citizens blow past black cats

Buccaneers at Bengals (-3.5)
Stripey cats claw out a win over Corsairs

Meow-rrrgh!

Ravens (-3.5) at Colts
Scary black birds coral Colts

Saints at Lions (-7)
Jungle kings knockout N’Awlins

roar

Bills (-1.5) at Texans
Hairy cows stampede Texicans

Browns at Jaguars (-7.5)
Spotted cats flush the Browns


If it’s Brownie, flush him downie

Jets at Titans (-1.5)
Assmen pancake Tits

Jets are ass

Falcons at Steelers (-3)
Men of Steel can Tua Fish Birds

Sunday Dinner Time
Packers at Vikings (-1.5)

Cheesemen ooze over the Juicy Lucies

Lucy has been juicing

Commanders at Eagles (-4.5)
American birds bash Commies

Dolphins at Raiders (-3.5)
Miami is “Planning for Manning” (copyright)

Went from 1 to 3

Cardinals at Chargers (-10.5)
Bolts zap pretty red birds

Shocking

Sunday Prowl Time
Cowboys (-2.5) at Giants

Pituitaries pop Pokes

A giant cowboy

Monday Prowl Time
Broncos at Chiefs (-2.5)

Indigenous people bust Broncos

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Guest College Football Column

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

Little was expected from North Carolina as they entered Ireland to play the TCU Horned Frogs in the season opener—the same team that thrashed them 48-14 and set the Tar Heels on a path of endless ridicule. Revenge never tasted so sweet, as Bill Belichick and his boys white-knuckled a 15-10 win. What makes this moment sweeter for a Belichick fan such as myself is the sense of how hard the team worked the entire offseason just to put their best foot forward. The roster turnover was jaw-dropping in its magnitude, akin to selectively thinning a forest to burn away the smaller, weaker underbrush and dead wood.

UNC introduced 59 new players to the squad this offseason, including 19 transfers and 40 first-year players. Meanwhile, 31 players departed through the transfer portal alongside standard graduations. Most of the team is made up of underclassmen, which hopefully signals the job security Belichick has for this season and the next as he develops them into effective juniors and seniors.

If you can’t stand the heat, get rid of the Kitchens.

On top of that, Belichick brought in Bobby Petrino to replace Freddie Kitchens. It’s too early to say whether UNC will improve from their dastardly, last-place mark in the ACC offensively from the year before. But his coaching, fused with the new crop of players led by 23-year-old journeyman Billy Edwards Jr., breathed fresh air into the system. The stat sheet was not lit up with gaudy numbers. But playing nearly error-free football on a sloppy field, combined with a modest 16-of-28 passing performance and 232 yards, is a hell of an improvement. Petrino was brought in to implement a balanced, pro-style offense mirroring the system Belichick ran in New England. So far the marriage has worked out well—and dare I say, it breeds confidence going forward.

But as Belichick says, coaches lose games; players win them. You’d be hard-pressed to find positive performances from UNC last season, especially on offense. The defensive side yielded hard-nosed, gritty efforts that typically went unnoticed. The only player on offense I can think of who left a mark on me from last year was running back Demon June (today he ran for 25 yards on 6 rushes), who now shares backfield duties with Benjamin Hall (11 carries, 36 yards) and Jaylen McGill (5 rushes for 33 yards and UNC’s lone touchdown).


But let us start by exalting the defense. Xavier Lewis served as UNC’s wrecking ball on the interior, dismantling TCU’s blocking and racking up 2 sacks and 4.5 tackles for loss on his own. Coincidentally, Lewis was one of Bill’s first recruits.
Linebacker Derek McDonald led the entire team in total production. He clogged the running lanes all afternoon, securing a team-high 9 tackles. Defensive lineman Jaylen Harvey provided excellent edge containment and registered 5 combined tackles.

TCU did not score a single point in the second half. While everyone rushes to blame Sonny Dykes and try to place him on the hot seat, we should keep in mind this is a TCU team that won 9 games the last two seasons. They are a good program, and beating them is no small feat. Offensively, just by staring at the team stats you get a sense of how quietly UNC dominated TCU: 322 total yards to their opponents’ 281; 5.6 yards per play to their even 4. UNC committed just 3 penalties to TCU’s 11.

The team might have a legitimate weapon at tight end in Jelani Thurmond, who caught 4 passes for 94 yards, including an explosive 35-yard catch to ignite the Tar Heels’ opening scoring drive. Jordan Shipp went into the game expected to be Edwards’ most sure-handed receiver and lived up to the expectations, snagging 5 catches for 71 yards.

Overall, a solid opening for UNC hoping to wash away the bitter taste of last season 4-8 record. There’s a lot of work to be done; bumps in the road are surely to be expected. Progress is typically nonlinear. But as of now, the sky appears less filled with doom and gloom.

Vinny Jace is a special contributor to The15net.com. 

Sorry Sixteen Preview – March Sadness 2026

Welcome to Round 3 of March Sadness 2026, when the true pieces of shit separate themselves from the turds.

You can’t tell the players without a scorecard


If you were expecting a “Sour Sixteen” preview, then we have one word for you… SORRRRRREY! It’s now the “Sorry Sixteen” © ®Patent Pending. And a very sorry preview it is…

Region C
1 Greg Bedard vs 5 Dan Shaughnessy

It took overtime for Shank to sneak into the Sour Sorry Sixteen by the skin of his McTeeth. Look for Bedard to kick his balls up around his head.

The sun will come out tomorrow, but only for one of these two

2 Fred Toucher vs 3 Adam Jones
Fred Toucher spent a lot of time last week defending himself against accusation of racism. You know who doesn’t spend a lot of time defending themselves against accusations of racism? Non-racists. He doth protest too much advances.

Region V
1 Jim Murray vs 12 Chris Curtis

Advancing to the Sour Sixteen may be the second most shocking thing Curtis has ever done, but Large Gymnasium wins the battle of the bald middle aged dimwitted overconfident flash boys.

Curtis, in happier times, with the most shocking thing he’s done.

2 Marc Bertrand vs 3 Andy Hart
The Far Side kid burns lil’ Andy with his magnifying glass

Region N
1 Gabrielle Starr vs 4 Kevin F Paul Dupont

The woman in sports snips KPD’s sports manhood

2 James Stewart vs 3 Michael Felger
Jimmy Stewart gives Felger the Lavanchy treatment.

Gentleman, hide your ladies… and your cats

Region T
1 Ted Johnson vs 5 Scott Zolak

We will finally get an answer to a question that has been confounding medical experts for decades: Which causes more long term cognitive issues, head trauma or substance abuse? We’ve got good news, you can keep doing drugs kids, CTEd snowplows Zo.

2 Chris Gasper vs 3 Albert Breer
Breer sends Kid Gas to the golden showers.

It’s outrageous, egregious, preposterous

Vote early and often!

Football Cat’s Super Bowl LX Pick

The Patriots are back in the Super Bowl for the 12th time in the past 41years. For all you non-math majors out there, that equates to 29.3% of the time. Not bad for a franchise that used to play in a Zayre’s parking lot back in the AFL days.

No metal bleachers

The Patriots have now been to 4 more Super Bowls than any other team, with an overall record of 6-5 heading into Sunday’s game. If they win, they will break a tie with the Steelers for the most wins in Super Bowl history. If they lose, they will break a tie with the Broncos for most losses in Super Bowl history. So win or lose they are guaranteed to make history. We here at Football Cat World Headquarters just hope everyone has fun!

Nothing is more fun than winning!


Speaking of fun, here is a fun fact: Sam Darnold is 0-4 against the Patriots in his career, three losses with the Jets and one with the Panthers. He has thrown 1 touchdown and 9 interceptions, with a combined passer rating of 41.2. The Patriots are the monkey in Sam Darnold’s wrench.

Are YOU really going to lose to Sam Darnold?


And as we head into the long off season, remember Tom Brady may hate you but Football Cat loves you. See you in September.

Sunday Dinner Time
Seahawks (-4.5) at Patriots

Fake Seabids can’t exorcise these ghosts. Drake Maye IS!

You go girl!

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Conference Picks 2026

Storms brewiin’

Not only do we have an AFC Championship game to look forward to on Sunday, but we also have the storm of the century bearing down on our beloved six state region, yes even Rhode Island. How much snow will YOU get? Well, that depends on many factors: how close to the benchmark the storm is, where does any banding set up, what is the QPF and how much love you have in your heart.

My heart isn’t in it

And before you rush out to the stores to stock up on bread and milk, remember these wise words:
“Look, I’m not saying I could do it better than them. I’m just saying they’re wrong a lot. That’s a fact. They’re wrong a lot. We all make mistakes. I’m not being critical of them, I’m just saying I don’t think you can go based on that. My experience of going with the forecast in this area two days before the game, I mean I’d bet a lot that they’re wrong, just based on history because they’re almost always wrong. An hour before the game, maybe. You might have something to work with there. I think if you start game planning for what the weather is going to be and you game plan wrong, you’ve wasted a lot of time.” – Bill Belichick, October 31, 2014

14 day forecast?!?!?!

Sunday Early Dinner Time
Patriots (-4.5) at Broncos

Patriots bust Broncos

He’s comfortable at altitude

Sunday Late Dinner Time
Rams at Seahawks (-2.5)

Horny Sheep spook Darnold

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Divisional Round Picks

It’s been a fun week basking in the glory of the first Patriots playoff win since Super Bowl LIII, but now it’s time to focus on the next opponent, the Houston Texans. What better way to break it all down, than a Dan Shaughnessy style look at how each team’s respective home town matches up with the other.

A football cat


Houston has the Johnson Space Center.
Foxborough has the Gillette Stadium Lighthouse.
Advantage: Patriots

The landlocked lighthouse is much more impressive

Well there you have it, bet your kid’s college tuition on the home team and thank us later

Saturday Dinner Time
Bills at Broncos (-1.5)

Buffalo sauces Nix

Buffalo are right at home in Denver

Saturday Prowl Time
49ers at Seahawks (-7)

Fake Seabirds rain on Purrrdy’s parade

Someone left the cat out in the rain

Sunday Early Dinner Time
Texans at Patriots (-3)

As that great Patriot, Patrick Star once opined: “The stars at night are dull and dim whenever they have to be over dumb old stupid Texas! “

SpongeBob had it fisrt

Sunday Late Dinner Time
Rams (-3.5) at Bears

Horny sheep bang da’ Bears

This is why all Bears fans support two teams

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.