2022 The15 March Sadness Region C – Round One
Please cast your votes below. Polls will remain open until 1:30 PM EST tomorrow, March 9th. Everybody have fun tonight!
Region V First Round Results
Our first big upset of the Tourney as Arcand is found to be worse than the #2 seeded Borges thanks to a late surge of voting. It’s not a Super Bowl or a presidential election, but it’s something. In other matches, Chris Gasper garners a Saddam Hussein-esque percentage of the votes in his favor, followed close behind by DJ Bean.
In the 8/9 Castiglione vs ‘Hardy’ tilt, the Iheardahim edged out the pseudonym, MegO is a no-go vs Keefe, KPD whining about Jim Rice is not enough to get past call screener JStew, and Shaughnessy is at the top of his profession, and in the V Region.
2022 The15 March Sadness Region V – Round One
Cast your votes below. Voting will remain open until noontime 12:45 PM EST, tomorrow March 8th. Let your voice be heard!
Update: 12:49 PM EST – Voting is now CLOSED.
Region N First Round Results & Region V Predictions
A minor upset in the 8 vs. 9 matchup, apparently to know Marshall Hook is to hate him. Otherwise higher seeds advance.
Here’s ‘Patrick from Andover del Norte’ again;
Region U, I mean Region V, preview…
Dan Shaughnessy (1) vs Ken Laird (16) The only way Laird is pulling off this upset is if he finally bites the bullet and makes the switch to Country 93.7. Short of that, the increasingly irrelevant Dan Shaughnessy advances. Don’t expect a deep tournament run from 2011 Father of the Year.
Duke Castiglione (8) vs Hardy (9) Did you know that Hardy isn’t his real name? He’s actual Robert Poole. Did you know that Duke’s first name is actually Joseph? Joe Castiglione Jr has a better nom de guerre than Rob Poole. In this tournament that means Bobby Poole pulls off the minor upset. If anyone knows where he’s working now, please congratulate him.
Kevin Paul Dupont (5) vs Jimmy Stewart (12) There must be a lot of cat fanciers on the selection committee. How else can you explain the low seeding for the feline fetishist? I’m not even sure if KPD is still alive. Sorry TICA members, even the least athletic man on the planet can’t lose to a dead guy. J Stew to Round 2.
Fred Toucher (4) vs Jermaine Wiggins (13) Is Fred the zookeeper with the plain black hat or the one with the spindly arms? Both, neither, who cares? It’s amazing that the dominant morning drive program in a sports crazed region is hosted by such a banal, carpetbagging milquetoast on-air personality. Speaking of toast, Wiggy was the toast of the town 20 years ago, and now he’s a spot performer on Radio Titanic’s morning show. You can’t get much sadder than that. Wiggins advances.
DJ Bean (6) vs Mutt Mutnansky (11) DJ Bean wants to be an irritant. DJ Bean thinks he’s pulling the wool over your eyes. DJ Bean likes to pretend to be ambiguous in the hopes that someone will take the bait. DJ Bean craves attention. DJ Bean doesn’t escape the first round. Mutt keeps clinging to his media aspirations, and he can keep clinging on into round two.
Chris Gasper (3) vs Sean McAdam (14) These two put the sad in March Sadness. Kid Gas left the dying print media for the bright lights of television, quickly failed at narrating highlights, and had to scurry back to the Globe. McAdam works for Greg Bedard, although since he most likely isn’t getting paid, McAdam should really be classified as a volunteer. Gasper matriculates to the subsequent echelon.
Rich Keefe (7) vs Meg Ottolini (10) Rich Keefe wears baseball batting gloves when he plays wiffleball. Sad. People are constantly telling Meg-O how funny she is, and she believes them. Sadder. Ottolini moves on.
Ron Borges (2) vs Christian Arcand (15) On a day when they could have seeded other irrelevant dinosaurs like Eddie Andelman or Bob Ryan, the committee made disgraced plagiarist Ron Borges a 2 seed, a man who once knocked the hat off the head of a crippled boxing writer, and who claims that, if they had gone to school together, he would have taken all of Bill Belichick’s quarters. Christian Arcand, better luck next year. Ronny the Portuguese Man o’ War advances.
Touts on Louts, Part Two
Continuing, here’s Old Friend ‘Mike on Route One’:
TED JOHNSON
Why he’ll win
After failing to make the previous tournament, Ted capped off a shocking regular season with a 2 seed in the T region thanks to his scorching hot Patriots takes. He faces off against giant killer “DeathCat” Michael Holley in the first round, a mediot who features such pelts as Dale Arnold and Glenn Ordway on his wall. Not exactly your typical 15 seed. If Ted can avoid falling into Holley’s famed “repeat 2x” offense he has a real shot at making it to the round of 16 thanks to a cupcake Perillo/Yellow Teeth McCarthy matchup in the second round.
Why he won’t win
This region is absolutely loaded. As we know, experience matters. It’s a talent game in March and either Bert Breer or Ben Volin loom in the regional final. Additionally, like heavy armor in Ukrainian mud, are we even sure how his neck bolts will hold up once the sledding gets tough against the iron of this field? Make more disjointed metaphors.
CHRIS GASPER
Why he’ll win
Gasper had an incredible regular season and endured a lot of turmoil to get here. Even with the distraction of changing “jobs”, Chris managed to stay pot committed to his Mac Jones takes. His wildly entertaining style of takes – Phi Synonym-a – has endeared him to fans this past year. But somehow, the committee did not reward him with a higher seed. Despite this, his first round matchup against Sean McAdam, who I’m not even sure is still in sports, is a walkover. From there, he will move on to face, in all likelihood, DJ Bean in the round of 32. Mothers lock up your daughters, this matchup is going to be a dog fight, a phone booth game, and played in a very dark place. (and I don’t mean a vineyard Night) Whoever emerges from this will have proven that they can take a pounding. Look for Gasper to come out on top.
Why he won’t win
The voters are very much committed to legacy. Dan Shaughnessy is human vomit, obviously. But has he done enough this year to merit the generous seeding? (Dan is, of course, a generous seeder himself) It’s tough to envision a scenario where Kid Gas goes toe-to-toe with Shank. It might be closer than you think but it doesn’t feel like it’s Chris’ time yet. He’s going to come at the king, so he best not miss. (note: I’ll bet you a free TruCoat that Chris has tweeted some variation of “best not miss” because he’s an erudite consumer of high culture like The Wire, but also, he has a significant amount of “street cred” as they call it.) Sadly, for this single ploy pinto, he won’t make it to the Final Four.
ANDY GRESH
Why he’ll win
Let it not be said that Moe Gresh doesn’t have big game experience. The man played with his hand in the dirt and in his nose. When you’ve competed at the highest levels of football (Rhode Island) and you almost beat Hofstra that one time, your resume speaks for its flippin’ self. What kind of cat is Gresh? One that knows how to win.
Why he won’t win
A 2 seed!? A 2 seed!? (you should read that in the incredulous Michael Holley voice) The committee must have had a bad ice cube whilst seeding the N region. Even if he manages to squeak by the Greek Freak John Karalis, he’s headed for a buzzsaw in the most underseeded mediot of the tourney, one Tom E Curran. This is just a bad matchup for Gresh. Curran is peaking at the right time (the last six years) and Gresh is giving time and temp with a mumbling Rick Teef.
FITZY
Why he’ll win
Speaking of Greeks, he’s by far the best Hellenic-masquerading-as-a-Mick in the entire field. Fitzy is a real riser, a stretch 4 (see because his face looks like pulled taffy) who could make some noise in the early rounds. If you didn’t think the committee had a sense of humor, look no further than the laugh riot matchup in the round of 32 between Fitzy and Big Gym Murray. Like Rickles and Pryor in their primes. There’s no love – or scally caps – lost when these two get together.
Why he won’t win
Fitzy? More like can’t-fit-see-him-advancing-to-the-sweet-sixteen.
LOU MERLONI
Why he’ll win
Wanna see him pull a deep run out of his hat? The Fabulous Merloni, back for another run. His hair is the same natural color as another proven March winner, Coach K. He’s had historical success in the poles [sic] and the Big Dance. (The Mashpee Ballet)
Why he won’t win
What? You don’t think he’s gonna win the whole damn thing? Sniff. Ok. Ok. Fine. Sure. You’re gonna bet against the guy who has to matchup against the overall 1 seed who is currently stomping his dick 24-3 in the ratings? Ok. Fine. Sure. Sniff.
Touts on Louts, Part One
Here’s what our in-the-know sources say about the 2022 March Sadness field:
From ‘Señor Carlos’:
Region N:
Greg Bedard (1) vs Jon Wallach (16) Almost a coach, almost hired in Vegas, almost making payroll for his website employees. Wallach is terrible, but no chance of an almost an upset here. Or any chance of an upset. Bedard moves on.
Andrew Callahan (8) vs Marshall Hook (9) Who are these people? When in doubt, pick the higher seed. I guess.
Scott Zolak (5) vs Steve Buckley (12) This is a tough choice. Zo has ruined many great Patriots moments calling the games. Buckley has been a low key hot taker and agenda carrying mediot for decades. Tough choice here, but I got to go with Buck Shot getting the victory. Say tough more.
Trenni Kusnierek (4) vs Phil Perry (13) Perry? Never heard of him. I know Trenni is terrible. She moves on.
Marc Bertrand (6) vs Rob Bradford (11) As terrible as Bradford is, Bertrand used to push back against Felger with his hot takes when he was the third guy on that show. When he got his own show he became a hot taker on Felger’s level. I know, say show more. Marc the 5th Diabeatle advances.
.Adam Jones (3) vs Dan Roche (14) The 100% fraud in Jones vs the 100% real in Roche. Roche upsets Jones. 2nd year in the row Jones loses in the 1st round as a higher seed. Maybe shut down and retool? Or maybe have a cheeseburger or three?
Tom E Curran (7) vs Peter Abraham (10) As we mentioned before about Bertrand pushing back against hot takes, Curran did it more and better for years. At some point, Curran went to the dark side. He has three kids college age, so maybe he was offered more money to go that route? Point is, he knew better but still did it anyway. Curran moves on here, and has a good chance to make the round of16.
Andy Gresh (2) vs John Karalis (15) Hand in the dirt vs ears in the air? I expect Gresh to move on.
‘Patrick from Andover del Norte’:
Region C:
Mike Felger (1) vs Steve Happas (16) The undisputed king of the sportz media airwaves pitted against some guy named Steve. The most lopsided opening round matchup since Dave Egan took on Upton Bell back in 1952. Happas isn’t even the most relevant Dakota in this tournament. Round 1 goes to Felger in a rout.
Mike Giardi (8) vs Brian Scalabrine (9) Scal made most of his waves while commenting on Covid-19 vaccines. Now that he’s at the NFL Network, Mike Giardi is more interested in surfing than making waves. Not being a worthy successor to Tommy Heinsohn isn’t a big enough to beat out one of NBCSN’s original Mean Girls. Giardi moves on to Round 2.
Andy Hart (5) vs Jared Carrabis (12) We’ve entered the body dysmorphia portion of the bracket. Inch for inch, Andy Hart may be the dumbest person in this Region. Carrabis has hitched his wagon to a dying sport, dumb but not dumber than Dumbo. Hart slips through.
Lou Merloni (4) vs Matt Fairburn (13) There was once bidding war for Lou Merloni’s services between the two radio stations. Now Lou doesn’t even have a show. Wait, I’m being told he does have a show, it’s just that no one listens to it. Fairburn came to Boston from his beloved Buffalo to cover the Patriots for the Athletic (which I’ve never read). Stalin would have been proud of the way Fairburn scrubbed his Twitter history. Since then he’s been pretty quiet. Merloni advances.
Fitzy (6) vs Chris Mannix (11) It’s rare to have such a mismatch with a 6 vs an 11. “Thanks Dad” Chris Mannix did his best work in the late 90’s while working in the Celtics locker room, but his nothing more than a minor irritation today. Faux Fitzy on the other hand should be jailed for his cultural appropriation and crimes against humanity (aka his “comedy”). The Greek from New York walks to Round 2.
Jim Murray (3) vs Chris Curtis (14) To think I once enjoyed listening to Big Jim as he spun Dinosaur Junior records on my commute home. The moist(sic) interesting thing about Chris Curtis is promoting some obscure gambling app when she’s not crying. Big Jim may have lost his afternoon DJ slot to Adam 12 back in 2010 but he’s not losing to a poor little rich girl’s Jim Halpert. Large Gymnasium move on.
Rich Shertenlieb (7) vs Mark Dondero (10) My initial reaction to this match up was, ‘who the hell is Rich Shertenlieb?’ Dondero is the biggest wannabe nobody in the market, but better a wannabe than a who the hell. The human embodiment of an epileptic seizure takes this one in for our first upset.
Tony Mazz (2) vs Jason Mastrodonato (15) The luckiest man on the planet, with a face for radio and a voice for print, dominates an unsuspecting, and heretofore unknown Red Sox columnist to close out the first round of Region C. Sone advice for Jason, shorten your last name to “Mass” and repeatedly hit yourself in the nuts with a hammer until your voice goes up six octaves, otherwise you’ll never make it in this market.
2022 The15 March Sadness Region N – Round One
Let’s do this. Vote below.
Voting will remain open until Midnight EST.
MARCH SADNESS RETURNS!
First Round Schedule:
Region N – March 6 Region V – March 7 Region C – March 8 Region T – March 9
Voting will begin tomorrow, March 6th to determine the most hated mediot in the Greater Boston listening, viewing, and reading area. (NB: As John Tomase won the most recent Tournament conducted by our predecessor organization BJBSJ in 2019, he is therefore ineligible, and not an oversight on our parts. cheers.)
03/02/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer
Baseball Opening Day cancelled? We’re gonna need a bigger mood lamp.
A Twitter meltdown is a gift for everyone.
Maybe Jetes should have listened to Glenn Rivers? “Rebuilding is hard.”
Why the hell does Aaron Rodgers need to do a cleanse? He doesn’t shit himself enough during the playoffs?
Here’s hoping Phil Mickelson finds another sponsor that is also all CONSONANTS.
Vitali Klitschko is the mayor of Kiev? How am I just finding out about this?? Next you’ll tell me ‘Peanut’ Tillman is now an FBI Agent!
Interesting.
Cakes are cooking for Raimo Summanen, Laird Hamilton, Daniel Craig, Amber Smith, Ben Roethlisberger, and Becky G.
Bob Kraft could have averted this whole unpleasantness if he just made Vladimir give him his ring back.
Know what’s never locked out or on strike? The Cape League. Get the family and take in some games this summer. You won’t regret a second of it.
It must be tough being the only woman ever who has cancer and wants stuff. Dial it back, toots.
Brett Netzer just set a record for exit velocity.
Demar Derozan plays like the guys I grew up watching get buckets in the NBA back during the Horizontal Hold, Vertical Hold & turning the TV antennas until you get a clear (or clearer) picture days. I’m old.
Can anyone point me to a reliable alt-Right to English dictionary?
Green Line Update: Shuttle buses are being phased out and service has resumed with delays due to an earlier power problem near Boylston.
You don’t bring a potato chip clip to a cat fight.
Zolak thinks the Supreme Court has too many names that are hard to pronounce.
Fun Fact: Writer Gardner Fox is credited with introducing the utility belt concept for Batman in Detective Comics #29.
Remy is going to be a hard act to follow for the Sox. He just had the right balance; knowledgeable and forthright, not harsh, not attention-seeking, didn’t say stupid stuff. Didn’t lecture. Sometimes I got tired of hearing about the 1979 team, you know? Tough to follow, though.
Scal has zero idea how literally anything works. It’s incredible.
TB12 can easily squash all these “Team X will pursue Tom Brady for 2022” but he seems content to let the rumor mill churn. Seems odd to me.
I think you have to act like that if you’re given an 80’s teen comedy villain name like ‘Brett Netzer’.
Robert Parish turned 40 before the 1993-94 NBA season. He had 12 PPG 7 RPG 1 BPG in 27 minutes a night. They intended to replace him at center with Dino Radja if they didn’t draft a replacement. In the 1994 Draft, Boston picked Eric Montross at #9. They traded him in 1996.
Hey gang of not-at-all out-of-their-depth people! This week’s Phrase that Pays is: “It wasn’t all just Tom Brady.”
We atThe15net dot com join many of the in-sports community in celebrating National Psychosomatic Ailment Awareness Day.
Confusion never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks, gonna
Come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know, singing
Come out upon my seas
Curse missed opportunities, am I
A part of the cure
Or am I part of the disease, singing; You are…you are…
Met Karl Ravech in Newport once. That guy could stand up straight under a picnic table.
Here I am at Dick’s Sporting Goods. So many golfs and fishings to buy, but I’m not going to do that today. Just want to be here.
Honk if you remember ‘The Nature World of Captain Bob.’
Did Chaim have to get the goy who turns his stove on to fire Brett?
When there was only one set of footprints that’s when Zero Hedge was carrying you.
Where’s your will to be weird?
60 years ago. Wilt. 100 points. Riiiiight. Okay.
Celtics closing the gap.
It’s a good thing I finally remembered to wash all my useless cloth masks! SMDH.
Damn you Nana Gary Myers.
Are the Red Sox trying to get people to attend the Tony Mazz-called games in person?
As my buddy Wayne’s Fatha says; Happy Lent.
That Gabz. I’ve never seen someone so arrogant and offer so little to society, and I know a lawyer that defends child molesters.
Best bet for the weekend: A Toyota driver winning at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Dart Adams, Bill James, BSMW posters 02062, Chuck Schick, Laszlo Panaflex, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. And nothing else compares. Oh, nothing else compares.
02/23/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer
Is Aaron Rodgers going to start cutting himself? That thing reads like an emo vague suicide threat.
I’m a big fan of KG’s Celtics Alzheimer’s toward Ray.
JC Jackson has the big sads he wasn’t woken up at 12:01 AM Tuesday by the sound of a Brinks truck backing down his driveway.
Austin Cindric? Thats not a NASCAR name, that’s a Star Wars name.
So my takeaway from the just-ended Olympic Games is that Norwegians are good at winter sports.
Good day to get outside today and silicone up the snow shovels.
Marchand would have been sent to Gitmo, or the Regional Reception Centre for doing what Nathan MacKinnon did.
Is Johnny Weir related to Bobby?
Although I think multiple quarterbacks will end up going in Round 1 of the 2022 NFL Draft, as of now I don’t have a definite Round 1 grade on any of the 2022 QB prospects, which would be the first time since 2013 for me.
Congratulations to Identical Best Friend Sixto on being elected to the Salón de Amigos. ¡Felicidades!
Cakes are cooking for Peter Fonda, Bobby Bonilla, Helena Suková, Kelly Macdonald, Charles Tillman, Andre Ward, and Dakota Fanning.
Aaron Rodgers said today that he isn’t ready to talk about his future because he is just coming out of 12 days of Panchakarma. That is 12 days of throwing up and diarrhea followed by levitation. I’d prefer 12 days of the Three Stooges, Abbott and Costello, followed by Meditation.
DJ Khaled is supposedly Miami’s own, but he was a ballboy for the Orlando Magic. Makes you think.
Pauly is what a Mafioso names a parrot.
Alway entertaining when the Patriots Media Pitchbot goes all T-800 on some loser.
Is ironing heteronormative?
Hard to say which led to worse bunch of hot takes, the Matt Stafford photographer fall non-reaction, or the Juwon Howard slap that set off the melee at the Kohl Center.
Gift cards won are twice as sweet as gift cards purchased.
KC Chiefs have released LB Anthony Hitchens. but keep repeating that the “Cap is crap,” mantra.
Hey gang that I’m in no way obsessed with! This Week’s Phrase that Pays is; “You’re saying that I snort narcotics?”
Happy for the Finnish Men’s Hockey Squad.
I will never understand why the Big Ten Conference takes care of Wisconsin the way they do.
If the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has a house band, why doesn’t the Baseball Hall of Fame have a house baseball team? Or two teams; they can play each other 50 games a year on Doubleday Field and otherwise tour and beat the hell out of college teams, for credibility.
Considering how much is made of Belichick’s coaching tree or lack thereof, Mike Tomlin’s coaching tree is basically a telephone pole.
Going to the IKEA and having to say out loud, “I see you have the Flerk, but do you have any more of the Flermpgh in stock?”
Insert a lyrics snippet to your favorite Mark Lanegan song here. RIP.
Red Line Update: The work scheduled for this weekend, Feb. 26 – 27, has been cancelled due to the weather.
Was Dianna Russini flown in to help Finnish skier Remi Lindholm?
News Item: Dunkin’ jumps into spring early with new Salted Caramel drinks and other items.
Honk if you remember “Where’s Huddles?”
Patriots fans seem to pay absolutely zero attention to how the team does business.
Everyone forgets the Miracle on Ice 1980 USA Men’s Hockey team played Finland in the Gold Medal game.
Galoshes; great comedy word.
For goodness sake; someone please give Tom Brady a reassuring hug.
Time for bed. Right after I wash my mouth out with soap for that foul tweet earlier.
Pasta. He is a good kid. Keep that in mind.
Paul O’Neill to be enshrined in Yankee Stadium III’s’ Monument Park? It’s a non-starter unless they plan on honoring Graig Nettles and Willie Randolph that same night.
Best bet for the weekend: franchise tags getting lightly applied outside of New England.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Coma, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Have the Trees stopped Screaming, Clarice?
The 15 