The 15

My favorite part of the weekend Celtics game was seeing Doris chatting with Deuce. Two legends.

Red Sox are still in on everyone that’s left!

Dirty player Mac Jones had plenty of time to sabotage the Bengals plane before it left whichever airport it left from.

Luka and Kemba combined for a 61-20-10 stat line!

Gotta put the puck on net in a shootout situation, Bruins.

Don’t flounce away mad, Deej. Just flounce away.

Being a much worse offense with essentially the same personnel is no one’s fault really.

Cakes are cooking for Edgar Winter, Jorge Velásquez, Denzel Washington, Raymond Bourque, Willow Bay, Linus Torvalds, Adam Vinatieri, John Legend, and Sienna Miller.

Were the concussion spotters concussed?

Don’t worry, there’s a Sea Dog out there that can eat up Hill and Eovaldi’s innings!

Remember Ann Landers used to tell people “You have a point there but if you comb your hair to one side people won’t notice”? There should be gif of her saying that. It would be very useful on Twitter.

I ain’t changing for no bitch

If you have a better way than following 2,000 accounts to find constant pointless arguments, I’d like to hear it.

Q-bert is a psycho but I could have hate sex with her.

Top Gun: Maverick and Glass Onion still the two best films of the year. The Batman up there as well

Foxboro Line Train 746 (8:54 am from Foxboro) has been cancelled due to a mechanical issue. Passengers will be accommodated by Franklin Train 708 (9:12 am from Forge Park) & Foxboro Train 748 at 10:30 am.

My brother-in-law cancelled their cable and got fuboTV. My dad was trying to get the Celtics on and was yelling “WTF is Tofu TV? Who likes tofu? Why don’t you have cable like a normal person?”

White boy Deuce Tatum is an infinitely fruitier prop than the Ullmark/Swayman hug.

Todd Bowles always looks like he’s searching for a lost dog.

Hey gang. This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I don’t think I could comfortably type in that foofy font.”

Portis is Milwaukee’s Grant.

They catch the fish and then let it go. They don’t want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

Give me a ticket for an aeroplane
I ain’t got time to take no fast train
Oh, lonely days are gone, I’m coming home
Well, my baby she wrote me a letter.

Next time you run into old friend Dennis Eckersley at the old ballpark, ask him how spending time with his family is going!

Appeals officers Derrick Brooks and James Thrash, jointly appointed by the NFL and NFLPA, have reduced the discipline assessed to Randy Gregory and Oday Aboushi, respectively, from one-game suspensions to fines of $50,000 for Gregory and $12,000 for Aboushi. A resolution for the post-game fight.

Texas Tech getting to play in the TaxAct Texas Bowl seems an unfair advantage.

A Bertucci’s gift card? You shouldn’t have! No; really.

Bucs will make the playoffs by playing in a frozen concentrated orange juice can of a division, caller!

Hackett? Guess not! BWAHAHAHAHA!!

Fun Fact: Steve Burton once ate nine large slices of pizza on the air during a 2009 broadcast.

Someone please sent Dan Kelley a free Sports Huddle sweatshirt.

Let’s take a moment to memorialize the bluegrass artists we lost this year due to senseless violence; Joey “lil’ Foot Locker” McBanjodick, Jr. Gutbucket Calhoun, Cumberland Gap-tooth McGroot, Lefty Wright, Clawhammer Smith-Johnson, Rosiny Rodger Ruggles, Kirby ‘Dustbuster’ Bissell, Yodelin’ Lil Biggs, Stompy Jeff McGillicuddy, Colonel Doctor Reno Benteen, Sluggo Katsulas, Zeke ‘Big Shamisen’ Cooper, White Lightning Red Schmidtt, Phillip ‘Harmonica’ Quigley III, Presentable Davey Conlin, Johnnie ‘Taskmaster’ Stern, Aesculapius F.X. Moneymaker, and Two Sheds Junior Johnson.

Honk if you remember Eastbay.

The route trees this year they have Dutch elm disease.

Tua in concussion protocol. I guess he didn’t pass the “watching a funny movie on the team plane” test this time.

That interview with Bob Lobel really puts the “Final” in “Sports Final”. What?

What with an outside perspective, you can kinda see now what made Kacsmar and Sports Talk Joe go insane.

The Sierra Nevada Celebration was hard to find in bottles this season.

Has anyone done a well-being check on Rex Ryan? Remember when he insisted on living in the Buffalo suburb that historically gets the most lake-effect snow?

Connecticut has seven cities and towns that have names that in -bury!

I wasn’t going to enjoy my time off from work but Shukri urged me to, so now I will.

Best bet for the weekend: bad weather for football, worse weather for an NHL Winter Classic.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, Bill James, BSMW posters Canadian Soldier and Miserable Fellow, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Have a better one.

Did Deuce not mention he wanted the Celtics to win for his birthday? Encouraging 2nd half last night, tho.

Ben Drieth was looking up and smiling at the officiating costing NE a win against the Raiders on a game played December 18th.

Congratulations Argentina, good match, France. Is the World Cup Pro Bowl this weekend?

Jeff Saturday has got to be the first NFL head coach to coach a game on a day of the week that is also his name, right?

Once people realize the MLS draft is happening right now they’ll forget all about the Patriots for a day or two. They got a Boston College kid!

Goodbye, JD Martinez, hello Justin Turner.

I hope Meyers feels bad for ruining Judon’s Hanukkah.

Steelers waited 40 years to retire Franco Harris’ number and he won’t be down for breakfast a couple days before it was going to happen. Good job reading the actuarial tables for former Pittsburgh players.

Cakes are cooking for Tyrell Biggs, Ralph Fiennes, Mike Sullivan, Dina Meyer, Kirk Maltby, DaBaby, Meghan Trainor, and Casper Ruud.

Is any actress more talented than Margot Robbie? Can’t wait to see Babylon.

MBTA Update: All Charlestown, East Boston and Hingham/Hull Ferry service has been cancelled for tomorrow, December 23, due to the forecast high winds.

Mattapan Trolley Update: Regularly scheduled service has resumed.

Well, at least RB Victor Rosa showed up to play at Myrtle Beach.

Hey gang of zombie hunters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Your father lost to cholesterol. Cry.”

I don’t understand these NFT’s at all. How can they sell it if they’re digital?

Happy for Interim Coach Deion Branch.

Matty Journeyman, everybody!

The NFL has announced that it reached a multi-year deal with Google giving YouTube TV and YouTube Primetime channels exclusive rights to NFL Sunday Ticket in the United States beginning next season. Whoa.

News Item: Jay Mohr is engaged to Lakers owner Jeannie Buss. Also, Jay Mohr is still alive.

I am dissenting, I’m looking differently
I do whatever I please, exactly what I want to be
I don’t fit into general rules
Ignore them all the time

Breakin’ the rules, gonna take my share
Live my own life, I don’t care
I don’t fit into general rules
Ignore them all the time

United we stand – Eternal ban
Together we are strong – Eternal ban.

Whopper Whopper Whopper Whopper. #SorryNotSorry

I really just like Root Beer.

Visa Vanilla Gift Cards are the modern American Express Travelers Cheques.

Les Bruins sont un wagon!

Kenny Albert looks like a Jimmy Kimmel DALL-E.

At this point, I think David Andrews is made of 85% Ihedigbo.

The dream police, they live inside of my head.

Franco’s Italian Army didn’t participate in the Spanish Civil War? Huh.

I believe in John Henry and I believe in Tom Werner, and never in the world would I second-guess the current leadership of the team, C Bloom and others. I’m just not sure I can see where the foundations are.

Had an oven roast this week. It was kind of flavorless. If only there was some kind of local powdered spice rub available I could have added to it.

I wanna be a race car passenger – just a guy who bugs the driver…Man, you really like Tide.

Have the sense to stay dead, dummy.

Lexus December to Remember>Mercedes Winter Event>Toyotathon>Chevy Red Tag Sales Event>Happy Honda Days

Honk if you remember the Sears Wish Book.

Great news, NFL officiating looked at the tape, and now says it was Agholor who lateraled away the game, not Meyers.

Brocton Rox sign C Marika Lyszczyk. CONSONANTS. (And sometimes Y.)

I don’t want to hear any nonsense about a Kirk Minihane podcast being boring or focused on an esoteric feud.

This just in; Francisco Franco Harris is still dead.

Peppermint bark?

That was some Wasabi Fenway Bowl.

I think Chris Berman looks great. They did a really nice job on him.

Remember: steer away from the skid.

Best bet for the weekend: visions of sugarplums. Whatever they are.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, Bill James, BSMW posters Bedford Dad and Lefty, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Merry Christmas and God bless us, every one.

Celtics were too cute by half, well, too cute by a quarter, but won in OT.

Are you, Bob Hohler telling me that Jermaine Wiggins didn’t major in Finance at either Marshall or Georgia?

Everybody was licking their chops Monday to send their insincere condolences about Mike Leach.

Contrast that with the outpouring of genuine grief over Grant Wahl; in a way I’m glad I only learned who he was after he died.

Was Holy Cross the best college football program in the Commonwealth in 2022?

Make better decisions guy who was concussed 5 seconds ago!

The Great Kid with the game winning shootout goal.

I liked Mutnansky’s paring with Merloni, solely because the show name sounded like ‘Mutton Lou’, which brings to mind an itinerant renaissance faire victullar. And now they’re both on the outs.

YOU lost the Griner trade!

Cakes are cooking for Peter “Spider” Tracy, Cindy Gibb, Bill Ranford, André Couto, Patty Schnyder, Michael Owen, Jakub Błaszczykowski, and Julio Pimentel.

‘Home grown talent’ is fetishized. But it’s still okay to hate this Red Sox Ownership Group.

Warren Sharp looks like he plays Flugelhorn in an ironic hipster band.

I see all the infectious disease experts on Twitter have updated their resumes to include hostage negotiation on their list of skills.

Michael Keaton wants to do a Beetlejuice sequel and a Batman Beyond movie and studios…aren’t letting him? If Michael effing Keaton wants to do a project, you say THANK YOU and you do it!

Severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

The Sports Huddle took shits bigger than Upton and Lobel’s show.

MBTA GLX – CONSONANTS!

Croatians are just Slovenians with a better soccer team.

If the local media employed someone named Gethin Coolbaugh I think we would know about it.

I love Dorchester I hate driving in it.

Hey gang of softhearts, here’s this week’s Phrase that Pays, “Don’t feed the attention raccoon, Cindy!”

Stop the Alpering.

Ever sentence Cheryl Miller’s brother utters is more painful than his prior sentence. Full of ego. That said he is kinda funny in those Wendy’s commercials.

You walked into my house last night
I couldn’t help but notice
A light that was long gone still burning strong
You were sitting, your fingers like fuses
Your eyes were cinnamon

You said you stand for every known abuse
That was ever threatened to anyone but you
And why should I know better by now
When I’m old enough not to?

Imagine thinking Deion Sanders cares about anything other than Deion Sanders.

If your god has 99 names it has none.

The Syndicate always wins.

You’re running out of time to buy Genuine The15 Merch in time for Christmas.

Honk if you remember Woolco.

I see Von Miller couldn’t bribe the Radiologist Man.

I miss the days of the Patriots inactives being scribbled in Ernie’s chicken scratch handwriting.

Poetry Interlude:

There once was a man who liked soccer,

He wore a gay shirt in a shocker,

The emir got irate,

So they poisoned his plate,

And now he goes home in a locker.

Mustard, Johnson and Merloni on weekends? Who says no?

I hope Kyler Murray has a hobby he can fall back on during all the extra downtime he’ll have now.

I swear I have seen more totally useless crap for sale this Christmas than any Christmas ever. What I mean is just “innovations” that obviously have no value to almost anybody and are obviously going to fail, but somehow somebody got money to manufacture them and put them on TV.

Does anyone else giggle when they drive past a Christmas garden center sign advertising ‘Kissing Balls?’

Yahtzee!

Hey Chaim; I love borderline starters with no position, can make the whole team out of them?

Argies somehow survived being up 2-0, the worst lead to have in soccer.

Best bet for the weekend (if you’re Chris Gasper): Strolling Newbury Street sipping gourmet cocoa whilst shopping for the most decadent accessory bag.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, Bill James, BSMW posters Coma, Hacksaw and Lebron, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Almost makes me wanna cry The weather’s so beautiful outside. 

Finding out today that another home-grown Boston Red Sox player wouldn’t re-sign with the team would be the worst thing to ever happen on December 7th.

Remember, Team USA is young. Keep telling yourself that.

If only Ben Volin had reason not to be so trusting about what to click on in his Twitter DM’s. Sad.

Now Bruce Cassidy can stop crying himself to sleep. Probably.

Xander? X-Man? Xan? Bogie? Big X? Xanderino?

Regarding PFF’s layoffs: I haven’t seen so many grinders go down at once since Joe Murray’s last visit to the North End.

Oh well, if Alabama’s losses were on the last play then they’re really undefeated.

That was Boston’s 8th straight win vs. Brooklyn? If it gets to 10 then Brooklyn has to give Gang Starr back…

Cakes are cooking for Johnny Bench, Susan Collins, Larry Bird, Peter Laviolette, C. Thomas Howell, Terrell Owens, Shiri Appleby, Sara Bareilles, and John Terry.

I’m hearing whispers that Eastern Standard will return in 2023.

I love how the music stations around here insist on covering sports.  If I wanted to hear the opinion of someone who doesn’t understand football I would turn on the sports radio station.

Maybe Jon Heyman thinks it’s funny to mock what an Arson Judge does just past the anniversary of that terrible Worcester fire, but I don’t find if very funny.

Patricia doesn’t know what he’s doing! Admit it! Admit it!

Please board Fitchburg Line Train 416 (1:09 pm from Littleton/Route 495) on the outbound platform (Track 1) at West Concord and Concord today.

Kenley? That’s a girl’s name.

Hey gang of final countdowners, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Splash the Zeros.”

Frank Martin seems legit.

A major change for the Bills: Coach Sean McDermott announces that Von Miller did have exploratory surgery yesterday and they ended up repairing his ACL. He’s out for the season.

Steps for a successful marriage: 1 – don’t fuck your black coworker.

Well, he gave her a dimestore watch
And a ring made from a spoon
Everyone is looking for someone to blame
But you share my bed, you share my name
Well, go ahead and call the cops
You don’t meet nice girls in coffee shops
She said baby, I still love you
Sometimes there’s nothin’ left to do

Oh you got to
Hold On, Hold On
Baby got to Hold On
Take my hand, I’m standing right here,
You got to Hold On.

Kenley Jansen and Xander Bogaerts grew up on neighboring islands (Curaçao and Aruba). Jansen speaks 5 languages, Bogaerts 4. They’re two of the only players in the league who speak Papiamento. Both represented the Netherlands in the 2017 WBC.

Is Florida State in Colorado? Like one of those Miami of Ohio situations?

Goodbye to Krystie Alley!

Penalty kicks. The great un-equalizer.

Just saw Drew Brees’ face. Lighting strikes are no joke! Wait, what?

A new Red Sox ownership group would tear out Linda’s rooftop gardens. We can’t let that happen.

Every time I hear ‘Yodny Cajuste’ I think he should be the Blue Jays 4th outfielder from 2002.

Value of Judge No. 62 home run ball being auctioned just went up. Being a lifetime Yankee makes it more valuable.

Honk if you remember when Shea was in the minors.

These World Cup wins has Portugal ready to party like its 1499!

Top Gun can’t be gay; Kelly McGillis is in it.

The Los Angeles/California/Anaheim Angels have now been a part of the American League for more than one-half of the league’s history. They are the only expansion franchise that can make that claim. There will not be another for at least 14 years.

The eventual fate of the Pearl Harbor raid participant cruiser IJN Tone could have been written by O Henry.

Wasabi Fenway Bowl fever grips Hub.

What exactly did Nia think the C’s could do about Ime? Say nothing?

Jimmy G thinks AD is always hurt but never injured.

I’m pretty sure if we had a De’vante Bausby I’d remember that.

MLB contracts are getting into crazy number of years! There: I said it.

Best bet for the weekend: Arizona sunshine disinfects the Patriots offensive woes.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Barrelling down the boulevard. You’re looking for the heart of Saturday night.

You think this Celtics team looks good now just wait until they hire Mark Jackson or Juwan Howard!

We are the Boston bruins And in TD Garden..good luck.

I hope genius Coach McVay is okay after that helmet-to-face collision. He may have forgotten some play sequences from a game he saw seven years ago!

The Red Sox are quite surprised their generous offer was not the winning bid for that player’s services!

A belated Happy thanksgiving to all. Even the couple losers I know, thankful for your stupidity.

Really though; what is a catch these days? I used to think ‘Brazilian Supermodel’, but now I’m not so sure.

Why aren’t you Hailing the Victors?

Cakes are cooking for Ridley Scott, Terrence Malick, David Mamet, June Chadwick, Bob Tewksbury, Bo Jackson, Ben Stiller, Aldair, Iván Rodríguez, Elisha Cuthbert, Chrissy Teigen, and Kaley Cuoco.

Ocean Water is not consumable for humans.

If you post an actual photo of you as your pfp because you think it gives you the high ground over Spiderman avis that’s your choice. But people are within their rights to post it back at you in an argument and say your wife looks like the guy from Smashmouth. It’s just the rules.

When Tom Cuddy was in fifth grade, the local YMCA took a bunch of children to tour WBZ radio in Boston.

If you clap sarcastically when the Patriots force a Buffalo punt, they will be shamed into playing better!

Hey there, gang of ratio enjoyers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Bro your name is Albert.”

The NFL had Bebe Rexha performing over in a corner of the Detroit Lions playing field? That’s not to be done.

Middleborough, Kingston & Greenbush Lines Diversion On the weekend of December 3-4, express buses will replace regular train service between South Station and Braintree. Passengers to/from Quincy Center or JFK/UMass will be accommodated by a bus making local Red Line stops.

It’s November. Good time for a March Madness-style bracket.

Stidhsy is winning at life.

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Steelers RB Najee Harris, who was ruled out of Monday night’s game with an abdominal injury, did not suffer a major injury, sources say. His status this week is up in the air, and he’ll be reevaluated as the practice week goes on. But no significant injury is good news.

I hear Ray Bourque is intrigued by those giant hats.

So many exclamation points!!

When you hear the music you make a dip
Into someone else’s pocket then make a slip
Steal a car and go to Las Vegas, ooh, the gigolo pool
Hanging out by the state line, turning holy water into wine
Drinking it down, oh-oh-oh
Aw, I’m on a bus on a psychedelic trip
Reading murder books, tryin’ to stay hip
I’m thinkin’ of you, you’re out there so
Say your prayers.

What the fuck would Twellman know about the World Cup?

Syracuse. Detroit Mercy. Both 3-4, with losses to Bryant.

Best movie endings ever? Shawshank Redemption? and Casablanca? You be the judge. @wbznewsradio

If Wales had beat England with there being no current Prince of there they would have been allowed to leave.

Is Drake a Don?

Please keep sharing those graphics showing who you listened to the most this past year.

How do you not resist walking around to your Bronco fan buddies and randomly asking them, “Did you know that Russell Wilson has never received a single MVP vote?”

Honk if you remember Genoese statesman and admiral Andrea Doria.

Nick Wright looks like the bad guy in a Romanian soap opera.

The Bogaerts situation is reminiscent of what happened with Jon Lester, who rejected a $70m offer from the Red Sox and got $155m from the Cubs later in the same year.

George Lopez. Delivering the unfunny sitcom lines Americans won’t do!

Still tired. What’s the half-life of tryptophan?

Pro tip: it’s pronounced FEE-FAH.

I feel that Peter Gammons is a figure worthy of some permanent award.

Best bet for the weekend: A stunning World Cup upset.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, Bill James, BSMW poster BrianInWA, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. We all came out to Montreux on the Lake Geneva shoreline.

One thousand NHL points for the Bruins captain. Pretty neat.

Bubble Boy Buffalo Bills.

No Jaylen, those weren’t the Steppin’ Shukri’s outside of Barclays showing support for Kyrie.

Yes, but Wales cares about soccer.

John. Young. Brown. Junior. Former Celtics owner. One-time Governor of Kentucky. American. RIP.

Cakes are cooking for Dale Sveum, Brian Glynn, Jim Pyne, Vin Baker, Adam Eaton, Jonathan Papelbon, Nicklas Backstrom, Gabriel Landeskog, and Miley Cyrus.

Congratulations to the UMass Men’s Basketball Team for winning the Myrtle Beach Invitational.

Forest Inn Coney Dogs never disappoint.

Yes yes, of course you can bring your yams to Thanksgiving!

There are no famous NBA trainers, only infamous ones.

Update: Normal boarding has resumed for all Lowell Line trains at West Medford and Wedgemere.

Hey there, gang of World Cup enthusiasts/hooligans! This week’s Phrase that pays is, “Great kits out there on the pitch!”

Why would you root for the team playing against the college football powerhouse? No reason?

Today I feel Qatari. I feel Arab. I feel African. I feel gay. I feel disabled. I feel like a migrant worker. I feel charming. Oh so charming. It’s alarming how charming I feel.

Falcons TE Kyle Pitts’ season is done after an MRI confirmed he has a torn MCL, per league source. @RapSheet 1st.

Rita Moreno: Y

Karalis calling something ugly? He looks like a potato that got left in a hot car.

7 episodes into Andor now and they have not missed even one time. Let Susanna White direct an SW movie, please, Mr. Felloni.

Ames is returning. Can Zayre’s be far behind?

Grandpa, were he here, would tell you they would feed the yams to the pigs, they weren’t considered people food. But yours are fine!

I hear Mobile is the New Orleans of Alabama.

The cvnty Patriots tweet/Green Monster cover photo corollary is superseded only by the JetBlue Park cover photo. Both of which are dwarfed by four team logo profile pic. Which is obliterated by the Lakers/Patriots/Euro soccer team bio line.

Real business is done on paper.

A day or two ago, the story I must tell
I went out on the snow and on my back I fell
A gent was riding by in a one-horse open sleigh
He laughed as there I sprawling lie, but quickly drove away.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh.

I know NFL wide receivers like going for the one-hand catches, but if they can catch it with two, that still seems like a better plan.

Does Tomáš Nosek have a nickname?

‘NBA trainers’ are what the Brits call basketball sneakers.

I like to think that old friend Pats67’s new Buffalo pals found Nick Cafardo’s lost hat, and now worship it.

Following up: The Atlanta Falcons have placed Kyle Pitts on IR for a minimum of 4 games. Unfortunately, the below-mentioned tweet will still materialize as far as the injury concluding Pitts’ season, as previously mentioned per league source.

Josina Josaywhat?

Honk if you remember any of the 1971, 1987, or 1989 Thanksgiving Day snowstorms.

They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There’s more to it than that.

I wonder if tax fraud is part of former NBA official Ken Mauer’s religion too.

If Twitter’s going out, let’s do it right. My mom played Warren Devon at her funeral and if I had one, I’d do the same. (I won’t.)

Absolutely astonishing to me how many people still don’t get Marcus Semien.

These are your yams? Well what you have here are actually sweet potatoes. Which you added brown sugar and a honey glaze too. You brought diabetes to our Thanksgiving table.

Just skate your lane, National Hockey League.

Re: Sean Kugler & Mexico City, 700 years of culture dating back to Tenochtitlan, and all anyone thinks of is ‘donkey show.’

On the Sports Huddle, was a Four Gobbles rating a good thing, or a bad thing?

Best bet for the weekend: Black Friday Deals abounding.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, Bill James, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Enjoy your Thanksgiving. And also: perhaps people hate you because you’re a smarmy anjerk, Greg Bedard.

‘Celtics Fans demand Tatum be named NBA MVP right now’ is the MVP of straw man bad faith arguments.

Nineteen Bruins skaters have scored at least one goal this season, with The Great Kid netting nine of ’em.

Here’s hoping the Red Sox can lure back some of their 2023 free agents.

Man, imagine if all that rain had stayed snow?

I thought Brazilians all knew capoeira? Why did Gisele even need a Jui-jitsu instructor? That’s on Tom.

Also, ‘Capoeira’ sounds like the title of a Winter Hill Gang underboss.

If the analytics people want to do something good work on convincing people that the prevent D up by one score is idiocy.

Cakes are cooking for Ebby Thust, David Leisure, Shigeru Miyamoto, Terry Labonte, Frank Bruno, Mina Garrison, Tim Scott, Lisa Bonet, Sedrick Shaw, Oksana Baiul, and Amar’e Stoudemire.

Real missed opportunity not having Riri Williams holding a Dunkin’ Donuts cup in her hand during her introduction. Be better, Feige.

Hold on a minute. MAGA Nicky had her feet amputated?

Jaylen Brown is going to be poor if he keeps dropping all these dimes all over the place.

I hope Tay-Tay saw my setlist suggestions.

News Item: Lil’Jordan Humphries released after team determined he was actually not Lil. At all.

El*n! Lolololol!

Providence Line Train 818 (11:15 am from Providence) is operating 5-15 minutes behind schedule between Providence and South Station. Fitchburg Line Train 409 (9:30 am from North Station) is operating 5-15 minutes behind schedule between Shirley and Wachusett. Haverhill Line Train 205 (9:40 am from North Station) is operating 5-15 minutes behind schedule between North Wilmington and Haverhill due to train traffic.

Mercury Morris? Still alive. The Mercury division of Ford? Dead. Life is unfair.

Hey gang of interns! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, ‘I’m pretty sure my first crush was the guy on the Brawny paper towels.”

‘I’m not tryin’ to make you, I don’t want to touch your skin,
I know all there is to know about you and all your sins.
Well, you ain’t too young or pretty and you sure as hell can’t sing,
Any time you want to sell your soul
I’ve got a toll-free number you can ring.’

‘Oh-eight-oh-oh-triple-six-oh, yeah
Oh-eight-oh-oh-triple-six-oh, yeah.’

If the Bills manage to back into the playoffs they could be a frisky little squad going on the road in the Wild Card round.

A ten dollar per day charge for making International calls? That doesn’t sound right.

Apple pie toast isn’t a thing.

Rams coach Sean McVay confirms that WR Cooper Kupp has a high ankle sprain and he will have tightrope surgery tomorrow. Headed to IR, he’s out at least four weeks.

Archaic!

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

In-laws visiting for the holidays gives you a great chance to catch up on all those CBS procedural shows you’ve been successfully avoiding.

Honk if you remember the SS Edmund Fitzgerald.

Pucks on net, Jack.

f. You could learn something about pageantry and showmanship from Munich, Anne Frank House.

I hope the performances from the other teams in the city will help pressure the Red Sox into actually spending some money this offseason.

How’s tis for English..

Yuppie coffee shops taste better when you don’t pay.

Wasn’t Arcand fired by WEEI? Great get, tho.

You don’t need to say “I’m a hokie but” before offering condolences to the UVA shooting.

Denny Walling should have played for the Red Sox.

If only a prominent NFL coach had been advocating for everything to be reviewable for the last decade plus or so.

Lotta good squads in the Big East Men’s Basketball.

Happy Anniversary, Entitled Weekend crew!

Best bet for the weekend: Rex Ryan yapping up a storm with them ridiculous fake choppers.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, Bill James, BSMW poster NorwoodZip, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Love spreads her arms (&) Waits there for the nails. I forgive you, boy. I will prevail.

Congratulations Astros. They should lean into the ‘cheater’ black hat team persona. Maybe get Lance Armstrong to throw out the first pitch next season.

The throwback Bruins sweaters evoke feelings of nostalgia.

Philadelphia is going to be heartbroken again when they eventually learn they also lost the MLS Championship thing.

Give Mac access during the bye week to the 3rd down plays out of the Zappe playbook Bill!

Boston 1 Woston 0.

Aaron Carter is clearly retaliation for Takeoff.

That Miller signing was an own goal off your dick, Bruins.

Bills 0-2 in the tomato can AFCE division?

Cakes are cooking for Lou Ferrigno, Todd Gill, Bill Guerin, Chris Jericho, Susan Tedeschi, David Duval, Jimmy Hitchcock, Sisqó, and Adam Dunn.

Give me Matthew McConaughey press conferences all fucking day.

Can’t find a recipe (which tells me it’s a bad idea) – what happens if I mix up a negroni and put it in an ISI Siphon?

All the biggest media personalities walk home.

“The Colts signed Jeff Saturday to be their head coach? That’s bananas.” – Aaron Boone

Lanyards!

I order the club sandwich all the time, but I’m not even a member, man! I don’t know how I get away with it.

BROGDON should always be capitalized, in the way WARRIOR Ice Arena is.

Does Big Jim’s phone receive election information too?

Red Sox decline James Paxton’s option. He got paid $10 million to throw as many pitches as I did. Hot stove!!

Commuter Rail Fairmount Line Weekend Diversion – On the weekend of November 19th and 20th, buses will replace regular train service between Readville & South Station to allow for work on a switch replacement project.

No, baby, I said “terrible punt”.

Chaim Bloom said Oct. 6 that Xander Bogaerts is the Red Sox’s No. 1 priority. But the team also is preparing a Plan B in case he leaves.

Why is Dan Orlovsky wearing Sir Elton John’s glasses?

I want whoever came up with that awful Car Shield commercial with Ric Flair to go to jail.

You can tell it’s the Standard Time because it lasts almost half the year.

Pierre Nightmare! Sacre bleu!

Hey Space City gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, ‘Handle your liquor, stinkman.”

News Item: Russians to send convicted WNBA star Britney Griner to an undisclosed penal colony. I didn’t think Griner even likes penals?

I never had a damn thing, but what I had
I had to leave it behind
You’re the hardest thing
I ever tried to get off my mind
Always something greener on the other side of that hill
I was born a wrangler and a rounder
And I guess I always will.

Heard it in a love song
Heard it in a love song
Heard it in a love song
Can’t be wrong.

My mother went to the doctor today. She brought the doc a can of tuna from Spain with a little bow. If my mom gives you a can of tuna from Spain, she really likes you.

“I’m happy for Dusty Baker.” For why?

Say ‘quartile’ more.

Honk if you remember ‘Sing Along With Mitch’.

I think I might apply to be the Colts running backs coach or something, seems like they just glance at resumes, give you your key card and tell you where the cafeteria is.

The Worcester Railers are 9-0-0. The have the momentum of a, oh, you know.

Coogler did it again, didn’t he?!

Grow up. Tom Brady is not coming back to play for New England.

Pulled Pork Taco? #SignMeUp

Robert Francis “‘Beto” O’Rourke seems like he’d be easier to vote for than 90% of our options, but his career is going nowhere as long as he is working Texas. It’s like taking the fastest greyhound in the world and entering him in the Kentucky Derby. Greyhounds just don’t beat horses at that distance.

Zach Braff looks like he was dipped in wax.

I hope before his term as Governor is done, Charlie Baker gets in on the act and sends a planeload of Irish bartenders that overstayed their work visas to Colorado or somewhere.

Connecticut’s Own Joey Logano. Penske material, and now a two-time NASCAR Cup Series Champion.

Would the Colts bringing in Ime for an interview satisfy the Rooney Rule?

Peter McNab. Gone too soon. Rest in peace.

Best bet for the weekend: Germans depressed that Gisele will not be there for the Bucs/Seahawks game in Munich.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, Bill James, BSMW poster Laszlo Panaflex and Lebron, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Change your life, bro.