11/16/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

To the Moon, Artemis, to the Moon!

‘Celtics Fans demand Tatum be named NBA MVP right now’ is the MVP of straw man bad faith arguments.

Nineteen Bruins skaters have scored at least one goal this season, with The Great Kid netting nine of ’em.

Here’s hoping the Red Sox can lure back some of their 2023 free agents.

Man, imagine if all that rain had stayed snow?

I thought Brazilians all knew capoeira? Why did Gisele even need a Jui-jitsu instructor? That’s on Tom.

Also, ‘Capoeira’ sounds like the title of a Winter Hill Gang underboss.

If the analytics people want to do something good work on convincing people that the prevent D up by one score is idiocy.

Cakes are cooking for Ebby Thust, David Leisure, Shigeru Miyamoto, Terry Labonte, Frank Bruno, Mina Garrison, Tim Scott, Lisa Bonet, Sedrick Shaw, Oksana Baiul, and Amar’e Stoudemire.

Real missed opportunity not having Riri Williams holding a Dunkin’ Donuts cup in her hand during her introduction. Be better, Feige.

Hold on a minute. MAGA Nicky had her feet amputated?

Jaylen Brown is going to be poor if he keeps dropping all these dimes all over the place.

I hope Tay-Tay saw my setlist suggestions.

News Item: Lil’Jordan Humphries released after team determined he was actually not Lil. At all.

El*n! Lolololol!

Providence Line Train 818 (11:15 am from Providence) is operating 5-15 minutes behind schedule between Providence and South Station. Fitchburg Line Train 409 (9:30 am from North Station) is operating 5-15 minutes behind schedule between Shirley and Wachusett. Haverhill Line Train 205 (9:40 am from North Station) is operating 5-15 minutes behind schedule between North Wilmington and Haverhill due to train traffic.

Mercury Morris? Still alive. The Mercury division of Ford? Dead. Life is unfair.

Hey gang of interns! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, ‘I’m pretty sure my first crush was the guy on the Brawny paper towels.”

‘I’m not tryin’ to make you, I don’t want to touch your skin,
I know all there is to know about you and all your sins.
Well, you ain’t too young or pretty and you sure as hell can’t sing,
Any time you want to sell your soul
I’ve got a toll-free number you can ring.’

‘Oh-eight-oh-oh-triple-six-oh, yeah
Oh-eight-oh-oh-triple-six-oh, yeah.’

If the Bills manage to back into the playoffs they could be a frisky little squad going on the road in the Wild Card round.

A ten dollar per day charge for making International calls? That doesn’t sound right.

Apple pie toast isn’t a thing.

Rams coach Sean McVay confirms that WR Cooper Kupp has a high ankle sprain and he will have tightrope surgery tomorrow. Headed to IR, he’s out at least four weeks.

Archaic!

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

In-laws visiting for the holidays gives you a great chance to catch up on all those CBS procedural shows you’ve been successfully avoiding.

Honk if you remember the SS Edmund Fitzgerald.

Pucks on net, Jack.

f. You could learn something about pageantry and showmanship from Munich, Anne Frank House.

I hope the performances from the other teams in the city will help pressure the Red Sox into actually spending some money this offseason.

How’s tis for English..

Yuppie coffee shops taste better when you don’t pay.

Wasn’t Arcand fired by WEEI? Great get, tho.

You don’t need to say “I’m a hokie but” before offering condolences to the UVA shooting.

Denny Walling should have played for the Red Sox.

If only a prominent NFL coach had been advocating for everything to be reviewable for the last decade plus or so.

Lotta good squads in the Big East Men’s Basketball.

Happy Anniversary, Entitled Weekend crew!

Best bet for the weekend: Rex Ryan yapping up a storm with them ridiculous fake choppers.

Overcast. Patriots. Practice.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sourcesMitch Hedberg, Bill James, BSMW poster NorwoodZip, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Love spreads her arms (&) Waits there for the nails. I forgive you, boy. I will prevail.

And a Happy Birthday to Finnish Prime Minister Sanna Marin.

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