12/28/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Good night, sweet prince. Thank you for your service, and for announcing your retirement before the season was over.

My favorite part of the weekend Celtics game was seeing Doris chatting with Deuce. Two legends.

Red Sox are still in on everyone that’s left!

Dirty player Mac Jones had plenty of time to sabotage the Bengals plane before it left whichever airport it left from.

Luka and Kemba combined for a 61-20-10 stat line!

Gotta put the puck on net in a shootout situation, Bruins.

Don’t flounce away mad, Deej. Just flounce away.

Being a much worse offense with essentially the same personnel is no one’s fault really.

Cakes are cooking for Edgar Winter, Jorge Velásquez, Denzel Washington, Raymond Bourque, Willow Bay, Linus Torvalds, Adam Vinatieri, John Legend, and Sienna Miller.

Were the concussion spotters concussed?

Don’t worry, there’s a Sea Dog out there that can eat up Hill and Eovaldi’s innings!

Remember Ann Landers used to tell people “You have a point there but if you comb your hair to one side people won’t notice”? There should be gif of her saying that. It would be very useful on Twitter.

I ain’t changing for no bitch

If you have a better way than following 2,000 accounts to find constant pointless arguments, I’d like to hear it.

Q-bert is a psycho but I could have hate sex with her.

Top Gun: Maverick and Glass Onion still the two best films of the year. The Batman up there as well

Foxboro Line Train 746 (8:54 am from Foxboro) has been cancelled due to a mechanical issue. Passengers will be accommodated by Franklin Train 708 (9:12 am from Forge Park) & Foxboro Train 748 at 10:30 am.

My brother-in-law cancelled their cable and got fuboTV. My dad was trying to get the Celtics on and was yelling “WTF is Tofu TV? Who likes tofu? Why don’t you have cable like a normal person?”

White boy Deuce Tatum is an infinitely fruitier prop than the Ullmark/Swayman hug.

Todd Bowles always looks like he’s searching for a lost dog.

Hey gang. This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I don’t think I could comfortably type in that foofy font.”

Portis is Milwaukee’s Grant.

They catch the fish and then let it go. They don’t want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

Give me a ticket for an aeroplane
I ain’t got time to take no fast train
Oh, lonely days are gone, I’m coming home
Well, my baby she wrote me a letter.

Next time you run into old friend Dennis Eckersley at the old ballpark, ask him how spending time with his family is going!

Appeals officers Derrick Brooks and James Thrash, jointly appointed by the NFL and NFLPA, have reduced the discipline assessed to Randy Gregory and Oday Aboushi, respectively, from one-game suspensions to fines of $50,000 for Gregory and $12,000 for Aboushi. A resolution for the post-game fight.

Texas Tech getting to play in the TaxAct Texas Bowl seems an unfair advantage.

A Bertucci’s gift card? You shouldn’t have! No; really.

Bucs will make the playoffs by playing in a frozen concentrated orange juice can of a division, caller!

Hackett? Guess not! BWAHAHAHAHA!!

Fun Fact: Steve Burton once ate nine large slices of pizza on the air during a 2009 broadcast.

Someone please sent Dan Kelley a free Sports Huddle sweatshirt.

Let’s take a moment to memorialize the bluegrass artists we lost this year due to senseless violence; Joey “lil’ Foot Locker” McBanjodick, Jr. Gutbucket Calhoun, Cumberland Gap-tooth McGroot, Lefty Wright, Clawhammer Smith-Johnson, Rosiny Rodger Ruggles, Kirby ‘Dustbuster’ Bissell, Yodelin’ Lil Biggs, Stompy Jeff McGillicuddy, Colonel Doctor Reno Benteen, Sluggo Katsulas, Zeke ‘Big Shamisen’ Cooper, White Lightning Red Schmidtt, Phillip ‘Harmonica’ Quigley III, Presentable Davey Conlin, Johnnie ‘Taskmaster’ Stern, Aesculapius F.X. Moneymaker, and Two Sheds Junior Johnson.

Honk if you remember Eastbay.

The route trees this year they have Dutch elm disease.

Tua in concussion protocol. I guess he didn’t pass the “watching a funny movie on the team plane” test this time.

That interview with Bob Lobel really puts the “Final” in “Sports Final”. What?

What with an outside perspective, you can kinda see now what made Kacsmar and Sports Talk Joe go insane.

The Sierra Nevada Celebration was hard to find in bottles this season.

Has anyone done a well-being check on Rex Ryan? Remember when he insisted on living in the Buffalo suburb that historically gets the most lake-effect snow?

Connecticut has seven cities and towns that have names that in -bury!

I wasn’t going to enjoy my time off from work but Shukri urged me to, so now I will.

Best bet for the weekend: bad weather for football, worse weather for an NHL Winter Classic.

Stidhsy. Winning. At life.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sourcesMitch Hedberg, Bill James, BSMW posters Canadian Soldier and Miserable Fellow, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Have a better one.

And a Happy Birthday to Swedish cross-country skier Jonna Sundling.

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