The 15

A Northeastern/Harvard Beanpot Final? WOW.

You’re supposed to have players arrested Friday or Saturday of the Super Bowl weekend, not ten days before it.

Good for Lifshatz for not spilling the beans on the Kyrie trade.

Everyone forgets Adrian Klemm was the first Patriots player Belichick ever drafted.

How big was that Chinese balloon? Well, take Bob Kraft. Now imagine that he’s fifty feet tall. The balloon was four times taller than that Bob Kraft!

Is ESPN grudgingly reporting on LeBron James being the new all-time scoring leader?

Brady & Belichick on a podcast together giving each other their flowers.

Cakes are cooking for Brooke Adams, Dino Ciccarelli, Alonzo Mourning, Maura Healey, Damon Denson, Dave Farrell, Cecily Strong, Jeremy Davis, Klay Thompson, and Bethany Hamilton.

the Daisy Sour Cream song has no business going that hard.

Just stick that in your ditty bag!

Snowfall is a thing of the past with global warming.

MBTA Alewife Update: Garage levels G, 2, 3 & 4 will reopen with limited capacity on Feb 8. Level 5 will remain closed, & garage users cannot access it or the Lobby floor. We’ve made a safe, accessible path to the busway for bus & shuttle service & have staff on site for rider support.

Did Nick Caley legally change his name to “Nick Caley, Young Rising Coach”?

Does Kyrie have any history of not working well with another ball dominant player other than all those times he already hasn’t?

I thought hypodescent was a bad thing in these United States in 2023.

Lou Damn Merloni claiming that the Red Sox are the only team that will get you mocked for thinking they’re going to win is insane. The fucktard fans in this town, that he helped fuel, hate all the local teams.

Holy hell, what a move from Sarah Nurse!!!

I’ve said it before but of course these people who put ‘senior reporter’ in their LinkedIn care about titles.

49ers QB Brock Purdy will meet with Dr. Keith Meister in Dallas on Feb. 21 and plans to have surgery to repair his torn UCL on the 22nd, sources say. The surgery, set to be done by the respected Rangers doc, will allow Purdy to make a full recovery & be ready for training camp.

You get back here and you listen to my Blizzard of 78 stories!

Jerry Jones..I’m the most delusional famous person in Dallas Kyrie Irving..hold my beer old man

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “a hinky-dink football game, held in a hinky-dink town, played by hinky-dink players. That’s all second place is – hinky dink.”

Is there a prop bet as to whether SB halftime performer Rhianna experiences a ‘wardrobe malfunction?’

Leaping Lanny Poffo has died, what a sad day will this be. But lucky for us, I took the time, to write this eulogy rhyme on a Frisbee!

Love is in the water
Love is in the air
Show me where to look
Tell me, will love be there?
Will love be there?

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn’t have one. So I got a cake.

LeBron only holds the scoring title because he played so deep into the playoffs and Finals for over half his career.

Congratulations Turkeypie Jefferson for winning the Song of the Year Grammy.

How many prominent players can you think of who are clearly identified with one team, but who actually changed organizations before they came to the majors?

I prefer to watch games alone unless I’m going to the game. I don’t need side distractions when I’m watching football.

Honk if you remember the “Bert Bell Benefit Bowl.”

I’m thinking of writing a science fiction story. It’s called, ‘The Nice Grandma Who Completely Understands the Recycling Rules in the Town She’s Lived in For Fifty Years.’

Go win Gisele back, Tom. One more ring.

Be sure to say hi to the Bag Pod when you’re over to Radio Row this week.

In bowling I root for the pins.

Did you like the new Prow Bowl format? Was it Manning-y enough for you? Let us know in the comments.

Best bet for the weekend. cameras on Mom Kelce.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, Bill James, BSMW posters Hacksaw & Canadian Soldier, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. December promise you gave unto me. December whispers of treachery. December clouds are now covering me. December songs no longer I sing.

Wicked excited that in-person legalized sports betting has finally arrive in Massachusetts. And will be even more so when all the betting apps are good to go as scheduled in time for the March Madness Tournament. What? Why the laughing?

The Clover Cabal runs the Association.

Hoping the NFL does something during the Super Bowl promoting AED and CPR.

Red Sox traded Barnes for Bleier? More like Blehhhh!

Maybe a group hug session with the devastated NBA officials is in order for Joseph Ossai.

So Joansie had an opportunity to reinvent himself as something more than cut-rate Felger impressionist and decided against doing so.

Cakes are cooking for Princess Stéphanie of Monaco, Michelle Akers, Tim Naehring, Mark Recchi, Gabriel Batistuta, Patrick Wilson, Michael C. Hall, Ron Welty, Geoff Sanderson, Big Boi, Phil Ivey, Jason Isbell, Lauren Conrad, and Rhonda Rousey.

Do the participants in the East-West Shrine Bowl get one of those cool blankets?

Travis Kelce’s blaccent rivals Scalabrine’s.

Family Guy is where Seth MacFarlane put all his bad opinions and American Dad is where he puts all his good opinions.

Bobby Hull, he was set in his ways. Rest now, old timer.

And Billy Packer finally died, too.

But UConn Men’s basketball is not dead. At all.

It’s 2023 and 60-year-old guys trailing 10 yards behind the play are still spotting the ball.

The Celtics miss Marcus Smart in the lineup. There, I said it.

Do you ever just get the song from that TV ad for Milton Bradley’s ‘Perfection’ game stuck in your head? Yeah, me neither.

Romo was going to say, ‘you got three nuh-ice young men.’

Fun fact: Tom Cruise has never won an Oscar.

The NFL Professional Bowl…now with even more of the insufferable Manning family over more days!

Hey Audacy fix your app make it better ..it’s like toilet paper

The real question about any hitter is “How many games did he win for his team, with his bat?”

The Patriots have signed WR Lynn Bowden Jr. to a reserve/future deal for 2023. He spent 2022 on their practice squad.

I didn’t see any ‘Detective Chimp’ project in James Gunn’s initial ten planned DCEU announcement. Sad.

News Item: Channel 4 tests a 6PM newscast without a sports report. In deference to longtime sports director Steve Burton, he will not be told of the move. WBZ will have the amiable anchor deliver a “report” at his usual 6:20 slot in a different studio that will not air.

Gene Krupa lived long enough to witness Upton Bell’s dismal stint as the GM for the New England Patriots.

Hey gang of security risks, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Stop at Top flop bop.” I’m serious!

Pats should name Kelly Clarkson O-line coach.

What one thing are you looking forward to during the baseball season that isn’t the actual game? Me? Can’t wait to hear Jonny Miller ask the tough questions.

You thought God was an architect, now you know,
He’s sitting in a black car ready to go;
You make some new friends after the show,
But you’ll forget their names,
In 24 frames.

I miss seeing JB’s weird hairline in the comfort of the studio. Why do these dopes have to be sitting at a desk on the field? What’s the benefit for me, the viewer?

Honk if you remember the Milton Bradley game Perfection.

Man, you hop on the exercise bike for a half-hour and everybody decides it’s time to hire a coach.

Rose in Titanic was a selfish jerk for dropping the Heart of the Ocean into the ocean…she could have sold it and helped feed millions of starving kids’s

Dee. Meco. Ryans.

If a “Rules Analyst’ is a key component of your sport’s broadcast team and people still don’t understand what the rules are, guess what? Your sport sucks.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.

Oooh, everyone is suddenly an expert on the topography & geography of 10 miles west of Boston! Nerds.

Sean Payton: from below sea level to mile high. Pretty neat.

Evan Lazar is also no longer a free agent?

Tom Brady retired? Heard that before. Fool me once, etcetera.

Keep your eyes peeled for multisport expert Mike Loyko at the Encore Boston Harbor Sportsbook.

LeBron’s performative tantrum would have barely been an acceptable response to finding out Kobe’s helicopter tried to take a shortcut through a mountain.

Um … why would you steal an airbag?

Well I think it’s sweet that Paul Giamatti is memorializing his friend Coolio by saying ‘yes’ to every acting gig and appearance that is offered to him.

Give it up for Hatchet Man Bob Hohler everybody!

Best bet for the weekend: You can attend a free screening of Bull Durham at Polar Park, home of the Triple-A Woosox, in Worcester this Friday (2/3). Doors open at 6 PM. (It’s indoors, don’t worry)

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, Bill James, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Hold your devil by his spoke and spin him to the ground.

Now Ocean Staters get to hear “Bill O’Brien went to Brown” a gazillion times a week while here in the Commonweath, we will hear “Andover native Bill O’Brien” again!

I wouldn’t have felt ill-served if Coach Mazzulla had broken tradition and used a timeout during that last 15 seconds or so. Would have been nice to win a scheduled loss.

Only Barnes can DFA Barnes!!

The NFL’s plans for neutral-site league championship games derailed because of a Bills team being allergic to snow is too delicious.

Jac Collinsworth wears more eye makeup than Derek Carr and Peter Schrager combined.

The Bruins are some sort of Zamboni Wagon.

Hat-In-Ass Brian Phillips should never be able to live down the fact that he wanted to give a broken-down Cam Newton $25 million a year after three fucking games. Just a tremendous loser.

Cakes are cooking for The Honky Tonk Man, Billy Andrade, Bob Sweeney, Penny Moore, Vincent Brisby, Ace Steel, Mario Haberfeld, Volodymyr Zelensky, Xavi, and Alicia Keys.

Pretty sure there’s a subreddit of people putting cucumbers in their tacos.

Fun fact: The Duke College Women’s basketball team is currently ranked 13th while the men are unranked. You go, ladies!

Eddie Andelman calls that Oriental film that was nominated for Best Picture, ‘Everything All Over the Place.’

Toronto seemed a more logical landing spot for Adalberto Mondesi, what with all the other sons of former MLB players on their squad.

Jennifer Coolidge should have her Golden Globe Award taken away as punishment for those Old Navy ads.

Can werewolves be out in the daytime? Let us know in the comments.

That latest Celtics loss to the Magic? Meh. The 07-08 Celtics couldn’t handle the Wizards. Happens.

YOU thought we weren’t getting any snow this year! You did! You did!!

I don’t understand who the target demo is for watching half a dozen future zipper jobs watch games they are allegedly gambling on.

Greetings, gang of Winter Weekend attendees, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “it’s expensive to have baseball players.”

Now which one is Michelle Williams and which one is Julia Stiles?

So I know you all hate construction for existing, but you’re welcome for making your city better anyway.

I didn’t realize I was a gluebag, whatever that is.

You’re not allowed to lecture Pats fans/give out fandom do’s & don’ts if you switched allegiances from the Pats to the Bucs when Tom left, sorrey.

Buzz Aldrin is a steely-eyed missleman.

Did Daryl Johnston raid Freddy Lynn’s closet?

Put the “roid” guys in the Baseball HoF already. Except for The Ohio Con Man. Because fuck him, that’s why.

Showing out, showing out, hit and run
Boy meets girl where the beat goes on
Stitched up tight, can’t shake free
Love is the drug, got a hook on me.

Todd Helton’s stats is that they are SO good they are disorienting, so people ignore them. It’s like when Dick Stuart hit 66 HR in the minors, he said when guys hit 35 the org would get all excited about it, but when he hit 66 they didn’t know what to do, so they just ignored it.

Andy Hart crowdsourcing his hot takes is something else.

Honk if you remember tan M&M’s.

The NFL needs more Eli Apple-types dancing on graves after a win.

Here’s my question about Ted Lasso — what team does Richmond replace in the EPL? I know it’s fiction, but it feels like the kind of small detail that Brett Goldstein would have worked out.

I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

How ‘Bout that dumb formation, Cowboys?

With the Bills knocked out of the playoffs, The Union of Concerned Beantown Sports Fans has moved the Doomsdsay Clock back two minutes from midnight, to 5:17.

There’s no way the fault could lie with the Rooney Rule itself.

Wins up in Montreal always feel more valuable. It’s probably due to the exchange rate.

Update: Doug Kyed is still a free agent.

I love that Bill O’Brien’s hiring does not change Patscap’s 2023 Patriots salary cap space number.

The fact that only six movies have ever grossed 2 billion dollars and James Cameron made three of them is kind of ridiculous.

That Bray Wyatt. Amirite?

Kraft made Bill hire a fellow Ivy League football player, Tone.

Nobody cares what you think. Ask Chatham.

Best bet for the weekend: being told GEHA Field at Arrowhead Stadium is very loud.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, Bill James, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Posted on my laptop using my phone’s hotspot in my cold car.

It’s going to be such a tsuris, Boston Herald. Don’t say The15 didn’t warn you.

So I guess there won’t be a lot of jars being opened from 2-6 at WEEI.

That’s not how the Statue of Liberty play is supposed to be run, Ravens!

Doug Kyed is still a free agent.

Buying a one-way ticket to Thailand? Sus.

So are we, sports media watchdogs, free to unfollow Marshall Hook, now?

I was led to believe only New England coaches & coordinators burned time outs and called plays well short of the sticks. That Super Wild Card Weekend was illuminating.

Cakes are cooking for Ted DiBiase, Mark Messier, Brady Anderson*, Dave Bautista, Christian Fittipaldi, Thor Hushovd, Julius Peppers, and Leonard Fournette.

The Bruins and Celtics are making it look easy.

Twitter made the world better by giving people a forum to proudly advertise that they think you can win a game 1.49 times.

I would have told my kicker to make the extra points. Coached him up, even.

“It’s my understanding” is Phil Perry’s way of saying “I saw someone else’s tweet”.

On the other hand, the United States probably won the 1972 Men’s Olympic Basketball Finals at least 2.49 times.

The fact that Gabz has so many people vouching for her when that behavior is in plain sight tells you everything you need to know about that industry.

Yes, the Redskins had to play five days after Sean Taylor was murdered, but that didn’t happen on the field, The Last Boy Scout style. Was that game declared a no-contest? Did the Los Angeles Stallions get gifted a neutral-site playoff game too?

Arcand can’t get out from under Jones’ shadow. The Art Garfunkel of Boston sports talk radio.

Hewwo Gang of numrods. This week’s Phrase that Pays is “have sex”..pal.

You know Patriots season is officially over when the olds are whining that Jayson Tatum is scoring 50 and he’s happy about it.

Lunch boxes were a fucking art form when I was a kid. Where did we go wrong as a society?

Not being able to determine who the Boston Herald sports editor is seems like more of a feature than a bug.

Update: Worcester Line Train 509 (8:50 am from South Station) is operating near schedule between Wellesley Farms and Worcester.

The Patriots have requested permission to speak with Vikings WRs coach Keenan McCardell for their OC position, sources say. He joins a growing list of candidates that also includes Alabama OC Bill O’Brien.

Imagine if JLo worked the Dunkin drive thru too? You could easily put three Large Iced Regulars on that ass.

Tom Brady vouched for Antonio Brown.

You say I’m a dreamer
We’re two of a kind.
Both of us searching for some perfect world
We know we’ll never find.
So perhaps I should leave here
Yeah, yeah, go far away.
But you know that there’s nowhere that I’d rather be
Than with you here today.

Aren’t M&Ms and Twix made by the same company?

Serves Coach Harbro right for being mean to Melissa Stark.

You won’t believe how many stores I had to visit this morning before I found a buggywhip!

Rest In Power to Jamin Pugh aka Jay Briscoe.

In 1966 Ernie Banks–who was not fast, was 34 years old and did not normally hit a lot of triples. . .in 1966 Ernie hit 3 triples in one game, and 2 in another one.

Fun Fact: Massachusetts has 16 municipalities that end in -ham, and 4 that end in -mouth!

It never has been and never will be Justin Herbert’s fault.

Who told you I wanted banana-flavored antacids? I did not want banana-flavored antacids.

Is Russell Gage selling merch, too?

Honk if you remember Clubman by Pinaud.

Is Bill Belichick the only thing standing between Bob Kraft drunkenly offering Lamar Jackson $250M guaranteed?

If I were inclined to steal jokes, I too would steal from Woody Allen. What?

The NBA has 2-way contracts. The North Shore has 3-way beefs. Advantage: North Shore.

I understand that Curt Schilling has the ceremonial dagger that belonged to the SS major assigned to the Monti Ossenfort redoubt in the Alps.

If Tom does go to Las Vegas, maybe the Raiders will stop crying about the Tuck Rule being correctly applied?

Went to see The Banshees of Inisherin in the theaters. I would give it one thumbs up.

Being an ironic Chargers fan is gayer than ironically cosplaying at being gay.

Red Sox sign Adam Duvall? All fix! PTT!

The Kit-Kat candy bar has the name “Kit-Kat” imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate!

How much does a fawning feature in Boston Magazine cost?

Chris Ford, the NBA’s Tom Tupa, dead at 74.

Best bet for the weekend: Tony Romo calling Josh Allen, ‘Mr. January’.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, Bill James, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. I’m the Urban Spaceman, baby. I’ve got speed. I’ve got everything I need. (Stick tap to BSJ Subscriber Tracker for the Brady Anderson asterisk.)

Why won’t someone force Bill to stop being mean to those blameless local media types?

I don’t think the Globe is going to need a slimy hit piece to justify the exiling of the absolutely dreadful Tony Massarotti from the game broadcast. But maybe they can give us one just for fun?

Cohasset fella should’ve Google searched “how not to kill and dismember anyone including my sweet wife.”

Of course a horned frog had no chance against a bulldog. That’s just nature.

Ian Rappaport tweets announcing firings including a picture of the guy really makes me believe he’s not a spectrum-y robot.

Pasta. No longer just A Good Kid, he’s The Great Kid.

Cakes are cooking for Madeline Manning-Mimms, Ben Crenshaw, Normand Léveillé, Tracy Caulkins, Mary J. Blige, Rory Fitzpatrick, Kazuki Nakajima, and Danuta Kozák.

What’s higher, Alexandra Eckersley or Derrick White’s hairline?

It’ll never not be funny that a group of nominal adults with journalism degrees came up with “Media Good Guy” as a name for an award.

This is what happens when you trust Rodgers in a must-win game.

I just love how defensive the 98.5 cult gets of people who talk shit behind microphones all day. Irony is dead

Wickersham was ready to crown McVay the greatest ever.

Adam Rich was just turning his life around.

Quinnipiac U. Known for political polling, and right now, for leading the Mens College Hockey Rankings.

Is the awesome ping-pong table back in the Dolphins clubhouse yet?

Please board all Fitchburg Line trains on the outbound platform (Track 1) at Brandeis/Roberts today.

You don’t often see tits out like that at an airport Red Robin.

Willie Davis? Criminally underrated. Among the most underrated players ever.

Hey gang of incoherent sports fan cosplayers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “ones a company, twos a party in the penalty box!”

Maybe another year in the system is what Agholor needs?

The hero is exposed when
His crimes are brought to the light of day
Won’t be feelin’ sorry, sorry, sorry
On the judgement day
It wasn’t me who said
There’ll be a price to pay
And i won’t feel bad at all
When the hero takes a fall
When the hero takes a fall
(Hero takes a fall) oh no

Acknowledging the subtweeting is the best way to prove you’re not a rabbit-eared weirdo desperate for engagement.

Stetson Bennett is receiving AARP mailers for cripes sakes.

Baseball taught me needing help in the last week of the season to make the playoffs never works. Looking at you, Orioles.

I just want the new governor to follow tradition and wear the fleece vest when she’s in the MEMA bunker during weather emergencies.

It’s a good thing for the Red Sox that Rafael Devers is still just a baby and therefore doesn’t fully understand the concept of money or he could have asked for an even larger contract extension than the 313.5 million one.

First, you get the coaching. Then you get the executing. Then you get the owning.

I heard that if you play the 2022 Buffalo Bills Highlight Video backwards, it says “Damar is dead, miss him, miss him!”

Trev Story on the shelf for a while? Move Dalbec to the middle infield. All fix!

There is not a single moment in life that causes me as much stress as trying to drive on to the conveyor belt at the automatic car wash.

I think it’s great that you got a word-a-day calendar for Christmas.

I’m hearing that Brogdon hasn’t even packed yet!

Rams OC Liam Coen has now officially returned to Kentucky to reassume its offensive coordinator position with the NFL season over. While Sean McVay’s decision awaits, LA will certainly need a new OC.

Honk if you remember The Channel.

PC Friars ride a nine-game win streak into being ranked 19th in Associated Press Mens BB Poll.

A fat guy in a Hawaiian shirt? Now I’ve seen everything!

When are the Brockton Rox going to make Carlos Correa an offer?

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

What are the odds that Goodell hasn’t already booked the Buffalo trainers/first responders as his Draft Day human boo shields for April?

It should be more socially acceptable to tell people they aren’t attractive.

Bill Campbell, taken from us too soon. His nickname was ‘Soup.’ RIP.

All toads are frogs. But not all frogs are toads.

Best bet for the weekend: trust-funders being triggered by ‘Super Wild Card Weekend.’

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, Bill James, BSMW poster Blinded by the Lombardis, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. I’d say her values are corrupted but she’s open to change.

Commotia cortis? I don’t think so. Let’s just say out loud what everyone is thinking: it was the Qatari government.

If you go to the Winter Classic, but don’t tell everyone you went to the Winter Classic, did you actually go?

The Red Sox and Devers agreed on a contract! All fix!

The last time the Bruins played a Winter Classic at Fenway, Avatar was the number one movie in the world. The more things change, the more they stay the same!

Connecticut Huskies visit Amica Mutual Pavillion to take on the Providence College Friars. Should be good.

RIP Dick Flavin, Red Sox poet laureate. Like his poems, he goes on.

Has Coach Mazzulla already lost his team, caller?

Cakes are cooking for Cory Everson, April Winchell, Michael Stipe, Joe Kleine, Guy Forget, Deana Carter, David Toms, Garrison Hearst, Ted Lilly, Al Jefferson, Katie Crutchfield, and Derrick Henry.

It will always be the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl to me.

Who said Spida?

BBWAA Hall of Fame Ballot SZN.

The TCU Horned Frog? Actually, it’s a lizard. But not to be confused with the similar Texas spiny lizard.

Not sure why, but I had a very vivid dream last night that Mike Vrabel was coaching the Patriots. Bill Belichick was also standing on the sidelines for some reason, Lamar Jackson was at QB and they were lighting up the Jets. No more late-night gin & tonics for this guy, I think.

Bob Kraft sure loves touching dudes.

Hey babe gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You both wish you were me.”

I love being reminded that professional athletes are people.

Michigan and Ohio State both losing was a good way to end 2022.

Green Line and Orange Line Reminder: Service will be bypassing Haymarket station in both directions the weekends of Jan 7 – 8 & 21 – 22 to allow for work on the Government Center Garage demolition project.

Tom Cuddy > ‘Major Tuddy.’

Thoughts & prayers to fantasy football squads with Bills and Bengals players, and also their league Commissioners.

The Mount Washington Auto Road helps to make relationships stronger.

Maybe execute your rehab exercises better?

I mean, say what you will about the pictures, but Tom Brady’s kid does have prettier feet than Meghan Ottolini.

Vikings standout OT Brian O’Neill, who was placed on Injured Reserve yesterday, suffered a partially torn Achilles last week, sources say. He’s out for 2022 and the playoffs and is on the road to recovery.

Paprika!

Should Patriots Do the Right Thing and Forfeit to Honor Hamlin? – The Baseball Paper, probably.

What’s your favorite example of Alpering?

Troy Vincent says they never talked about resuming the game, but of course, Troy Vincent is a fucking liar.

When I was young I was free to go
I didn’t need nobody
I just traveled alone
I packed up a few things and slip off into the night
Cause everywhere I go
These days my baby drives.

Has anyone theorized yet that this was an elaborate ruse to get people to contribute to his underperforming charity?

Knock-Knock. ‘Who’s there?’ Jay Mariotti. ‘Jay Mariotti who?’ EXACTLY.

Watching the ‘spergiest members of NFL media trial and error their way toward an approximation of a normal emotional response to this incident is breathtaking.

Honk if you remember auld acquaintances.

‘Blunt force trauma to the chest can’t induce a heart attack’ is the new “fire can’t melt steel.”

Marjorie Taylor Greene has the skin of a 70-year-old.

Upton Bell seems eternally miffed that he’s not treated like the John Quincy Adams of the NFL, but more like the Fester Addams.

Why couldn’t Stink have been on the MNF crew with Booger?

That field goal attempt at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve sure was something.

People finally finding out about Kennedy Stihdsy. The15, first again.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Well, I found the baseball uniforms charming. I did!

Interesting that Mina has no tweets about human Swiss Army knife Kyle Dugger from draft day or pre -2022. Hmmm.

No matter how much you know about baseball, you don’t have any clear idea who will have a good year next year. Which is very comforting if you’re a Red Sox fan.

Best bet for the weekend: continued prayers for Damar Hamlin.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Steven Wright, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. And the lilacs drank the water.