The 15

It’s going to be such a tsuris, Boston Herald. Don’t say The15 didn’t warn you.

So I guess there won’t be a lot of jars being opened from 2-6 at WEEI.

That’s not how the Statue of Liberty play is supposed to be run, Ravens!

Doug Kyed is still a free agent.

Buying a one-way ticket to Thailand? Sus.

So are we, sports media watchdogs, free to unfollow Marshall Hook, now?

I was led to believe only New England coaches & coordinators burned time outs and called plays well short of the sticks. That Super Wild Card Weekend was illuminating.

Cakes are cooking for Ted DiBiase, Mark Messier, Brady Anderson*, Dave Bautista, Christian Fittipaldi, Thor Hushovd, Julius Peppers, and Leonard Fournette.

The Bruins and Celtics are making it look easy.

Twitter made the world better by giving people a forum to proudly advertise that they think you can win a game 1.49 times.

I would have told my kicker to make the extra points. Coached him up, even.

“It’s my understanding” is Phil Perry’s way of saying “I saw someone else’s tweet”.

On the other hand, the United States probably won the 1972 Men’s Olympic Basketball Finals at least 2.49 times.

The fact that Gabz has so many people vouching for her when that behavior is in plain sight tells you everything you need to know about that industry.

Yes, the Redskins had to play five days after Sean Taylor was murdered, but that didn’t happen on the field, The Last Boy Scout style. Was that game declared a no-contest? Did the Los Angeles Stallions get gifted a neutral-site playoff game too?

Arcand can’t get out from under Jones’ shadow. The Art Garfunkel of Boston sports talk radio.

Hewwo Gang of numrods. This week’s Phrase that Pays is “have sex”..pal.

You know Patriots season is officially over when the olds are whining that Jayson Tatum is scoring 50 and he’s happy about it.

Lunch boxes were a fucking art form when I was a kid. Where did we go wrong as a society?

Not being able to determine who the Boston Herald sports editor is seems like more of a feature than a bug.

Update: Worcester Line Train 509 (8:50 am from South Station) is operating near schedule between Wellesley Farms and Worcester.

The Patriots have requested permission to speak with Vikings WRs coach Keenan McCardell for their OC position, sources say. He joins a growing list of candidates that also includes Alabama OC Bill O’Brien.

Imagine if JLo worked the Dunkin drive thru too? You could easily put three Large Iced Regulars on that ass.

Tom Brady vouched for Antonio Brown.

You say I’m a dreamer
We’re two of a kind.
Both of us searching for some perfect world
We know we’ll never find.
So perhaps I should leave here
Yeah, yeah, go far away.
But you know that there’s nowhere that I’d rather be
Than with you here today.

Aren’t M&Ms and Twix made by the same company?

Serves Coach Harbro right for being mean to Melissa Stark.

You won’t believe how many stores I had to visit this morning before I found a buggywhip!

Rest In Power to Jamin Pugh aka Jay Briscoe.

In 1966 Ernie Banks–who was not fast, was 34 years old and did not normally hit a lot of triples. . .in 1966 Ernie hit 3 triples in one game, and 2 in another one.

Fun Fact: Massachusetts has 16 municipalities that end in -ham, and 4 that end in -mouth!

It never has been and never will be Justin Herbert’s fault.

Who told you I wanted banana-flavored antacids? I did not want banana-flavored antacids.

Is Russell Gage selling merch, too?

Honk if you remember Clubman by Pinaud.

Is Bill Belichick the only thing standing between Bob Kraft drunkenly offering Lamar Jackson $250M guaranteed?

If I were inclined to steal jokes, I too would steal from Woody Allen. What?

The NBA has 2-way contracts. The North Shore has 3-way beefs. Advantage: North Shore.

I understand that Curt Schilling has the ceremonial dagger that belonged to the SS major assigned to the Monti Ossenfort redoubt in the Alps.

If Tom does go to Las Vegas, maybe the Raiders will stop crying about the Tuck Rule being correctly applied?

Went to see The Banshees of Inisherin in the theaters. I would give it one thumbs up.

Being an ironic Chargers fan is gayer than ironically cosplaying at being gay.

Red Sox sign Adam Duvall? All fix! PTT!

The Kit-Kat candy bar has the name “Kit-Kat” imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate!

How much does a fawning feature in Boston Magazine cost?

Chris Ford, the NBA’s Tom Tupa, dead at 74.

Best bet for the weekend: Tony Romo calling Josh Allen, ‘Mr. January’.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Mitch Hedberg, Bill James, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. I’m the Urban Spaceman, baby. I’ve got speed. I’ve got everything I need. (Stick tap to BSJ Subscriber Tracker for the Brady Anderson asterisk.)