The 15

Celtics would have a 2-1 lead in this NBA Finals if that one loss in SF didn’t count as two. Sad!

Surging Red Sox claim final Wild Card spot!!

Sorry Coach Cassidy, but Sweeney wasn’t about to fire himself.

You aren’t a parody account if you make up nonsense “rumors” and try to “attribute” them to an actual reporter. You’re just a jerk. It’s not funny and it creates distrust in the reporters trying to do their actual jobs.

So wait. Now there’s an Apple TV PLUS?!?!? I miss 1980.

Free Betsy Griner.

Solid plan to let the Garden fans know they got to ya.

Cakes are cooking for Dave Parker, Aaron Sorkin, Johnny Depp, Tony Martino, Tedy Bruschi, Peja Stojakovic, and Natalie Portman.

Nothing good happens after a 30 pack of Natty Light shows up.

Matt Patricia will never be able to switch the side of the ball he coaches, but any Patriots football writer can easily become a hoops expert as long as the Celtics are playing.

Will Shelby Scott’s casket lie in state outside Scituate Light? She was 86. Rest in peace.

In the United States, American Honda will voluntarily recall 212 Honda CR-V vehicles from the 2020 model year to replace their fuel tanks, for free. An internal component of the fuel tank may break loose inside the tank and block the float mechanism that signals fuel level to the meter, incorrectly indicating the amount of fuel in the tank. This defect may lead to a vehicle unexpectedly running out of fuel and stalling while driving, increasing the risk of a crash. No crashes or injuries have been reported in relation to this issue.

I miss wiffleball.

Felicia Sonmez may be a humorless scold but she was right about Kobe.

Would love it if Fenway Sports Group could get Gary U.S. Bonds to play at our lyric little bandbox.

I have rarely used a fly swatter over the last ten years, but at my new office I have flies. I am appalled to see how much my fly-swatting skills have deteriorated over the last ten years.

Kerr must be Kerrncerned – Gabz, probably.

Hey gang of deposition fans, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “In fairness, hose is a great term.”

No one likes the Islanders.

Rockport Line Train 107 (11:13 am from Montserrat) is expected to depart from Montserrat 10-20 minutes behind schedule due to the late arrival of equipment caused by a switch issue.

When the phone don’t ring, it’s Felger & Mazz not calling, Greg.

PGA playing hardball with the LIV defectors.

“Dray’s wife’s a whore” would be pretty funny crowd chat to hear Friday.

Aaron Donald gets a bag of flowers or whatever the term is? He got pushed around like a shopping cart in the Super Bowl against NE. I don’t get it.

David. Allan. Boucher.

You’re a fucking weirdo if manager firings get you ‘horned up.’ There; I said it.

UConn/Stanford live from Sunken Diamond Saturday!

Every girl is bi. You just have to figure out if it’s polar or sexual.

Honk if you remember Bobby Valentine.

Ravens coach John Harbaugh tells reporters that QB Lamar Jackson is expected to be at minicamp. “I fully expect him to come back in great shape.”

You made me promises, promises
You knew you’d never keep
Promises, promises
Why do I believe?

Arm in arm we laughed like kids

At all the silly things we did
But you can’t finish what you start
If this is love it breaks my heart

Try to fill more inside straights in video poker! You can’t!

Who does Lefty like in the Belmont?

Had a very heavy day. A couple fake journalists stuffed me in a locker about the accuracy of an article that doesn’t exist. I somehow lost.

Was a Samsquanch trying to break into the Entitled Town recording studio the other night?

Poor Genius Joe Madden. And poor interim manager Phil Nevin, who now has to undo all the wacky stunts Joe planned to motivate his team out of their losing streak. Disinvite the mariachi band for batting practice, contact the zoo and tell them they won’t be needing penguins to release into the clubhouse, and so on.

Adam Silver looks like he glows in the dark.

Does Stephen Belichick have a Christmas tree set up in his house in June?

There’s something intrinsically cruel about starving yourself thin only to turn into a Don Knotts lookalike.

Warriors seem raddled.

Best bet for the weekend; sit on a porch with friends and reminisce about the Blizzard of ’78.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW posters Coma and Hacksaw, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Always something there to remind me.

America is not ready for another Boston team to win a championship. At all.

Any time you get a chance to leave the Patriots beat to cover a perpetual cellar-dwelling Rust Belt NHL franchise you have to take it. Aloha means ‘goodbye’ Matthew Fairburn. Aloha.

Shoulder inflammation for Barnes? 15 Day IL? Earache my eye!

Man, I sure could have gone for some nice gelato two days ago, Tuesday.

The euro soccer team supporter/Boston sports fan lunatic shoepisser corollary remains unbeaten.

I had no idea Orientals could be so hard-core about gambling, right Joc Pederson?

Marcus Ericsson? That’s a hockey name, not a motorsports name. Congrats on winning the Indy 500 regardless.

NESN 360? Well, I guess NESN+ was already in use.

I’m gonna crush a good lunch and then I can already tell I’m going to take an epic nap.

Cakes are cooking for Gary Bettman, Dennis Haysbert, Kevin Feige, Morena Baccarin, Sergio Agüero, and Freddy Adu.

Love more people with all your heart.

Green Line Update: Shuttle buses replace service between Lechmere and North Station with service suspended between there and Park Street. Passengers can use the Orange Line to connect to the Blue Line at State and the Red Line at Downtown Crossing.

Blue Line Update: Trains will continue to bypass Government Center until further notice. Please use Bowdoin or State Street for alternate service.

You see, because CNN+ was a going concern for about a month?

Major league baseball would be much cooler if, when a player breaks his bat, the bat boy brings him a roll of electrician’s tape and makes him tape it back together.

NY Rangers won their Iran/Iraq matchup.

American Honda will voluntarily recall 279 Acura RDX (2021) and Honda CR-V Hybrid (2022) vehicles in the United States to replace the front left or right driveshaft, for free. Certain incorrectly manufactured front driveshafts may be subject to premature internal wear, which could cause a vehicle to lose motive power to the front wheels or to roll unexpectedly while in park without use of the parking brake. Both potential scenarios could increase the risk of a crash. Honda has not received any in-market warranty claims or reports of crash or injury related to this issue, which was discovered during quality inspections at the driveshaft supplier.

Hey gang of cord cutters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘carriage issues.”

No, I do not have to give Jimmy flowers.

How is NESN 360 not priced at an even $34 to honor Big Papi? Another terrible misunderstanding!

Pluots!

Yes, yes, Al Horford, first NBA Finals, blah blah blah; I’m happiest for Payton Pritchard. What?

People who self-report to Old Takes Exposed are the worst.

Anyone else think there should be a no “Yankees suck” chant rule at Fenway until the Red Sox are either A) .500 or better and/or B) Within double-digit games of the Yankees in the standings? Been saying this for years. Also when the Sox are losing in pathetic fashion. And most importantly, when the Yankees aren’t even here, it’s such embarrassing behavior.

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that’s wonderful is what I feel when we’re together,
Brighter than a lucky penny,
When you’re near the rain cloud disappears, dear,
And I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.
My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
That’s how this refrain goes, so come on, join in everybody!

Minty was exactly right about Lando Norris finishing in the top six at Monaco.

How can you be banned from the parade?

Why was the storyline Miami almost staged a comeback and not Boston leading on the road the entire game? Oh, right.

The new Pride flag needs more chevrons.

Marion Barber is a must-sit in all fantasy formats going forward. RIP.

Bill Russell is happy for Johnny Depp, probably.

Best of luck to the Springfield Thunderbirds in their playoffs versus Laval Rocket.

Honk if you remember Fancred.

Said it before, but that Finnish Prime Minster seems like a good time.

No Van Gundy and possibly no Breen? Good. I hope they get monkeypox, too.

More like NESN .460 winning percentage, amirite?

I completely forgot to watch that stupid golf match thing! Drat!

Entitled Town will return.

Best bet for the weekend: Red Sox winning the matchup against Oakland.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, @Gstill45, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Misty watercolor memories.

Upton Bell still Call the holiday Decoration Day. Admiral Dewey Once gave Bert Bell a Commendation For bravery. Bert Bell is Upton’s father.

Last longer, Johnny Depp trial!

Jason Tatum is First Team All-NBA for no other reason than there can’t be 2 players from the same position on the All-NBA team.

Don’t look now, but your Big Swingin’ Red Sox have crept within only ten games out of first place!

Daniel Theis looks like he’s from Malden.

Cakes are cooking for Mike Myers, Stefka Kostadinova, Bill Haselman, Ruthie Bolton, Natalie Schneyder, Cillian Murphy, Brian Urlacher, and Aly Raisman.

Uodate: Emergency cake cooking for The Great Kid David Pastrňák as well.

Blue horseshoe loves crypto.

Get well soon, torn ACL Connecticut Sun lady.

If you had picked legendary baseball writer Roger Angell in the 2022 Death Pool, it would have penalized you a point when he died at the age of 101. Why would you have done that?

The Heat gamin’ the system??

I’m genuinely excited to buy brand new cologne today. Like no kidding I can’t wait. I’m a grown man excited to just being able to buy myself cologne and smell even better. I’m just weird, I don’t know, but I’m pumped.

Pro Tip: You can add periods to your Gmail address for cosmetic spacing purposes. You’ll still receive the emails as normal.

Yes, yes, Early Voting- Epicenter-Creative Minister was the W/P/S at the Preakness Stakes. But why is it called that?

News Item: Subway’s sweet onion sauce has been discontinued.

Hey gang that is part of an organized team, this week’s Phrase that pays is “Months. Away.”

Got a flyer in the mail for a new restaurant advertising a Sunday ‘Bottomless Brunch.’ That sounds exclusionary at best, and a hate crime at worst.

American Honda will voluntarily recall 4,346 Honda Accord (2021), CR-V (2021-2022), Insight (2022) and Ridgeline (2021) vehicles in the United States to replace the rear center seat belt assembly, for free. Certain incorrectly manufactured rear center seat belt assemblies may not allow activation of the automatic locking retractor function required to install certain child safety seats, potentially increasing the risk of injury to occupants in a crash. Honda has not received any report of injury related to this issue, which was discovered during quality inspections at a Honda factory.

You got this, Steven Tyler.

I remember – date and time
September 22nd Sunday twenty-five after nine
In the doorway
With your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces.

I know! I’ll use a picture of Rick and/or Morty to illustrate my excellent point! Look at me; I’m hashtagging!

A. Route One is 2369 miles in length.

Orange Line: Delays of up to 15 minutes due to police activity at Wellington. Trains may be asked to stand by at stations.

I’m hearing that koala medicine treats monkeypox.

Pittsburgh native and #Eagles VP of Player Personnel Andy Wiedl is slated to be named #Steelers’ new assistant GM, multiple sources around the league tell me. That means signs point to longtime Steelers exec Omar Khan emerging as winner of the search to replace Kevin Colbert.

A gut check match is on tap for the Revs versus Philadelphia Union, who sit atop Conference East.

Honk if you remember Razcal Soda.

“The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.” — Joseph Conrad

Please consider contributing to Chad Finn’s ‘Donruss to Donbas’ charitable endeavor.

I am also questionable for Game 5.

Move over, Dick Clark—Big Jim Murray is America’s oldest, fattest, most miserable teenager.

All my apes are gone babe.

Best bet for the weekend: the Indianapolis Motor Speedway once again at full capacity. Vroomy-vroom-vroom!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Please Celebrate Responsibly.

Don’t feel bad if you had no idea this season’s Celtics team was this good. After all, you had to depend the local media to keep you informed as to that.

Say hello to your fourth place Boston Red Sox! Suck it, Baltimore!

The Bruins were a nice story for the first two weeks in May, but now it’s time for the Celtics in the NBA Playoffs, I think that’s how you have to look at it.

Gino Cappelletti. OOTG’s. He will be missed.

Chris Paul just wins everywhere he goes except Wake Forest and New Orleans and Los Angeles and Houston and Oklahoma City and Phoenix.

Wilfert!

‘You only think Grant Williams is good because he had a career-defining Game Seven performance’, isn’t the killshot you think it is, stupid.

Cakes are cooking for Reggie Jackson, Rick Wakeman, Rodger Davis, Jeana Yeager, Yun Fat Chow, Jari Kurri, Yannick Noah, Ingo Schwichtenberg, and Martika.

Betting is such a scam. You lose money if you don’t get it right.

Maybe the Patriots beat writers can convince a Make-A-Wish kid they really don’t want to meet The Rock, they want to know the exact responsibilities of each NE Assistant and positional coach.

How many points did Giannis and Fredo Antetokounmpo combine for in Game Seven?

Chlor-Trimeton!

i get it, nba and nhl playoffs etc….but i can’t recommend much higher than the height of the softball postseason, which we are rapidly approaching

Blue Line Update: Regularly scheduled train service has resumed between Airport and Bowdoin. There will be temporary speed restrictions in place between Airport and Maverick to allow the track and ballast to properly settle.

Did Al Horford get Ken Mattingly-ed?

The 15 have a tight 45 minute set prepared for any and all Tom Brady Roasts. DM’s are open.

Attention media, slow your roll with gaffer taping a gold watch into Patrice Bergeron’s hand and shoving him onto the nearest ice floe.

A tie is better than a loss, Revs. And it’s worth a point, just like a draw!

I would urge you all to be as tolerant as you can be of baseball’s new rules. The game has some issues. They’re trying to work on it. Give them a little space.

Malicious compliance! Fie!

Hey gang of libertines, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “No I was angling for it and the other chick was like come back to our room and drink and I’m like ‘let me get my wife’, but the shuttle had left so we missed it and I was annoyed and it was all downhill from there.”

I remember when Pasta was a Good Kid. What am I saying, he’s still a Good Kid!

American Honda will voluntarily recall approximately 725,000 Passport (2019), Pilot (2016-2019) and Ridgeline (2017-2020) vehicles in the United States to reinforce each vehicle’s hood striker area and inspect the hood for potential related damage. If related damage is found outside of the hood striker area, that hood will be replaced for free. No related crashes or injuries have been reported in relation to this issue.

I am laughing out in the loud.

The Titans and first round WR Treylon Burks have agreed to terms on his 4-year, $14,369,590 fully guaranteed contract with a fifth-year team option. Rookie contracts coming together quickly.

Tom Cruise is a very polarizing individual these days.

News Item: Alex Cora is reportedly pleased with encouraging updates that Chris Sale ‘recognizes what a baseball is almost six time out of ten’ during workouts.

It’s a wonderful time to be here
It’s nice to be alive
Wonderful people everywhere
The way they comb their hair
Makes me want to say
It’s a wonderful place
It’s a wonderful place
It’s a wonderful place
For you
For you
For you

I guess we really aren’t getting that Remo Williams sequel now. RIP, Fred Ward.

What an odd hat to be wearing in this weather.

Honk if you remember Mount St. Helens.

A positive from the Bruins first round exit; I can go back to forgetting that Billy Jaffe exists.

A: Charlie Burdge.

JUST IN: U.S. Soccer has reached a deal to pay the men’s and women’s national teams equally, eliminating a contentious pay gap that saw female players earning less.

Break up the Birmingham Stallions!

Ime became a good coach the minute he figured out when to call time outs.

Nothing quite like the atmosphere of driving to the south shore to play soccer on a turf field in an industrial park.

School principals just sit around all day.

Boras: X gon have to wait until the season is complete to discuss any contract extension.

Best bet for the weekend: Tulsa golf.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. A real romantic place.