The 15

America is not ready for another Boston team to win a championship. At all.

Any time you get a chance to leave the Patriots beat to cover a perpetual cellar-dwelling Rust Belt NHL franchise you have to take it. Aloha means ‘goodbye’ Matthew Fairburn. Aloha.

Shoulder inflammation for Barnes? 15 Day IL? Earache my eye!

Man, I sure could have gone for some nice gelato two days ago, Tuesday.

The euro soccer team supporter/Boston sports fan lunatic shoepisser corollary remains unbeaten.

I had no idea Orientals could be so hard-core about gambling, right Joc Pederson?

Marcus Ericsson? That’s a hockey name, not a motorsports name. Congrats on winning the Indy 500 regardless.

NESN 360? Well, I guess NESN+ was already in use.

I’m gonna crush a good lunch and then I can already tell I’m going to take an epic nap.

Cakes are cooking for Gary Bettman, Dennis Haysbert, Kevin Feige, Morena Baccarin, Sergio Agüero, and Freddy Adu.

Love more people with all your heart.

Green Line Update: Shuttle buses replace service between Lechmere and North Station with service suspended between there and Park Street. Passengers can use the Orange Line to connect to the Blue Line at State and the Red Line at Downtown Crossing.

Blue Line Update: Trains will continue to bypass Government Center until further notice. Please use Bowdoin or State Street for alternate service.

You see, because CNN+ was a going concern for about a month?

Major league baseball would be much cooler if, when a player breaks his bat, the bat boy brings him a roll of electrician’s tape and makes him tape it back together.

NY Rangers won their Iran/Iraq matchup.

American Honda will voluntarily recall 279 Acura RDX (2021) and Honda CR-V Hybrid (2022) vehicles in the United States to replace the front left or right driveshaft, for free. Certain incorrectly manufactured front driveshafts may be subject to premature internal wear, which could cause a vehicle to lose motive power to the front wheels or to roll unexpectedly while in park without use of the parking brake. Both potential scenarios could increase the risk of a crash. Honda has not received any in-market warranty claims or reports of crash or injury related to this issue, which was discovered during quality inspections at the driveshaft supplier.

Hey gang of cord cutters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘carriage issues.”

No, I do not have to give Jimmy flowers.

How is NESN 360 not priced at an even $34 to honor Big Papi? Another terrible misunderstanding!

Pluots!

Yes, yes, Al Horford, first NBA Finals, blah blah blah; I’m happiest for Payton Pritchard. What?

People who self-report to Old Takes Exposed are the worst.

Anyone else think there should be a no “Yankees suck” chant rule at Fenway until the Red Sox are either A) .500 or better and/or B) Within double-digit games of the Yankees in the standings? Been saying this for years. Also when the Sox are losing in pathetic fashion. And most importantly, when the Yankees aren’t even here, it’s such embarrassing behavior.

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that’s wonderful is what I feel when we’re together,
Brighter than a lucky penny,
When you’re near the rain cloud disappears, dear,
And I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.
My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
That’s how this refrain goes, so come on, join in everybody!

Minty was exactly right about Lando Norris finishing in the top six at Monaco.

How can you be banned from the parade?

Why was the storyline Miami almost staged a comeback and not Boston leading on the road the entire game? Oh, right.

The new Pride flag needs more chevrons.

Marion Barber is a must-sit in all fantasy formats going forward. RIP.

Bill Russell is happy for Johnny Depp, probably.

Best of luck to the Springfield Thunderbirds in their playoffs versus Laval Rocket.

Honk if you remember Fancred.

Said it before, but that Finnish Prime Minster seems like a good time.

No Van Gundy and possibly no Breen? Good. I hope they get monkeypox, too.

More like NESN .460 winning percentage, amirite?

I completely forgot to watch that stupid golf match thing! Drat!

Entitled Town will return.

Best bet for the weekend: Red Sox winning the matchup against Oakland.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, @Gstill45, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Misty watercolor memories.