The 15

I hope the Celtics understand by losing a road game they disappointed a fat human Coinstar.

Are we sure “Dr. Jesse Morse” isn’t just Markwayne Mullin in a lab coat?

Have the judges who picked the finalists been to Logan Airport? “Voice of” should clearly be an unintelligible Dominican accent.

Bob Uecker just cracked a Miller somewhere.

I’m definitely impressed by the guy with “MBA” in his zoom display name.

Great job with the fast healing, but the grace of God needs to bestow ball security upon TreVeyon next.

For the many who seem interested: Progresso, $4.49; Campbell’s, $4.29.

You can’t stop Mikko Rantanen, you can only hope he doesn’t score four goals against you.

You’d be missing throws too if your wife was hobnobbing with hairy Armenians.

Imagine being a Callahan Stan. He looks like Freddy Krueger and sounds like RFK Jr. with AIDS.

Cakes are cooking for Manfred Mann, Elvin Bishop, Judith Sheindlin, Everett McGill, Lee Loughnane, Patti Davis, Charlotte Caffey, Eric Faulkner, George Bell, Ken Watanabe, John Flaherty, Mo Lewis, Andrew Scott, Mélanie Turgeon, Will Estes, Kim Kardashian, Zack Greinke, Glen Powell, and Doja Cat.

I missed the NBA. I did not miss watching Joel Embiid play basketball.

They’re still drinking root beers out in Provo.

Never realized how many French Studies majors have been on Twitter and IG this whole time, kid.

We’re looking down our noses at Attleboro 7s now?

Sacramento Kings guard Ben Simmons is believed to have sustained a torn Achilles tendon at practice Sunday. He can now go back to doing what he loves most; not playing basketball.

I see you, Robert Spillane.

Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a signal problem near Davis. Trains may stand by at stations.

Every time I hear Garrett Wilson I think of Garrett Morris.

Can’t imagine holding any high-end Justin Herbert cards. The Chargers are the worst team in the NFL.

I don’t like my visa picture.

Bledsoe, Mahomes and Maye married somebody who loved them before they were famous. Shitheads like Brady marry the supermodel and weep about their divorce in their Instagram stories.

Little powdered donuts are still very elite.

Hey gang of Eurohoopers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I appreciate all the internet doctors trying to diagnose and help, but I’m in the best hands. So everyone can relax now. And I don’t have HIV or AIDS.”

Yaaaaaa Sully … Big Govahment is running the classic pump and dump gas scheme … yaaaaaaaa

Calling a Mexican person Taco on a social media app is definitely one way to convince people you’re not a racist.

I could see ESPN tossing the bag at Greg Olsen.

Jaylen Brown says he bought a gold harp, and now has someone come over twice a week to play it as the sun goes down while his chef cooks dinner.

Seriously, how the hell is there 450 different types of Drew Bledsoe football cards?

Kage Moush?

Zolak gets so bored when the game is decided. Squirrel brain.

Roger McQueen wearing No. 95 for Anaheim is terrific.

Mike Reiss has a snacking problem. There, I said it.

If we’re talking artists from the 2010’s I’m not sure why Flo Rida isn’t seen as above Bieber Rihanna etc.

Lift the weights
Run the miles
Boil the eggs

Obviously the Halloween theme from the original 1978 movie is ICONIC, but i think the synthesizer version from Halloween II (1981) is even spookier and creepier.

I must have been through ’bout a million girls
I love ’em and I leave ’em alone
I didn’t care how much they cried, no, sir
Their tears left me cold as a stone

But then I fooled around and fell in love
I fooled around and fell in love
I fooled around and fell (pause) in love
Fooled around and fell in love.

Bledsoe got more tail in the nineties than a bus station toilet seat.

I have no idea what L.L. stands for.

‘Karon Prunty’ sounds like a woman who would send back a steak at an Outback.

Jay-Z pulled a Dick Cheney?

The Knicks actually raised the mid-season tournament banner as well? Leave it to the Knicks to ruin everything.

Coach Drip will be failing upwards to Chargers head coach very soon.

I know he’s won a championship and is one of the best players in the world, but I think this 3pm game on a Tuesday in October is Tatum’s legacy.

Coach Bill Belichick. Owning.

I mean, having listeners is nice, but it’s not the same as winning a Marconi Award.

Doubs needed a guardian cap for his torso and legs.

Honk if you remember Rocky Point Park.

Can Archie Manning send some of his goon squad to clean out the Parisian rioters before the Steelers/Saints game dimanche?

I need somebody way smarter than me to explain why the “exposure” of Dave Portnoy calling UConn-UMass the “cum bowl” is worth it.

Poor Jeff Howe. The guy has Vague Symptoms Syndrome.

I shouldn’t have put off taking the drive to see the Mysterious Hanging Boulder to 2027.

The Philadelphia Eagles try to kill any more of their players?

Best bet for the weekend: An early must-win game for both the Celtics and Knicks at the TD Garden.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, Old BSMW Friend Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Relax.