The 15

’81-81 here we come’ is still in play.

So, basically Schefty’s initial tweet said “Haskins was hit by a dump truck that might as well have been hauling his wasted career in the back.”

Nets fans want Boston, eh? Be careful what you wish for.

If Steve Pagliuca buys Chelsea, then two Boston sports teams will share ownership with two Prem League clubs. ‘New England’, indeed.

Hasta la bye-bye, Jerry York. Stick tap.

Why don’t they make the whole season out of tournaments?

Cakes are cooking for Shari Redstone, Meg Mallon, Mike Trombley, Anthony Michael Hall, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and Rebecca DiPietro.

Schefter added ‘tragic’ onto his latest update in case nobody considered a 25 year old getting killed by a car a tragedy. I’ve seen dozens of tweets saying that 25 is too young to die. I didn’t know that.

Everyone’s Clayton Kershaw hot take is wrong, even those that directly contradict the others.

Are the Celtics playing to win a sign that Williams will be back sooner than expected, or that Jaylen really isn’t vaxxed?

Scottie Schleffler did not ‘come out of nowhere’, you dummies.

There’s no difference between a fracture and a break.

I have no idea if we got participation trophies as a kid because I always won.

Drinks?

Hey gang of pretend overtime enthusiasts, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Crazy with all this talk about contact sports. I played Hockey at a Catholic school that still today is one of premier”

Get your house in order, TalkShoe.

Kyrie Irving Pretending to Fast Game > Michael Jordan Flu Game.

Please board all Framingham/Worcester Line trains on the inbound platform (Track 2) at Westborough and Grafton until further notice today.

Tiger Woods’ caddie, Joe LaCava of Newtown, CT, is apparently a big Giants fan.

I have a belly button.

Well, I heard the Ukranians were actually targeting the Moskva’s identical sister ship, the Sixto.

Speaking of the NBA and vaccines, Dr. Jonas Salk’s polio vaccine had been in use for 30 years back when the Knicks last won anything.

God, did you hear about the late Gilbert Gottfried’s Aladdin co-star Robin Williams?

At least nobody can ever say Nick Wright’s hair isn’t lifelike.

F1 Fun Fact: the safety car has only been deployed once in the last eight years, during the Hungarian Grand Prix.

Would’ve been a bigger tragedy had Haskins performed up to expectations; then we’d have to consider impacts to keeper leagues. What?

You know your former newspaper is desperate for ad revenue when a giant ad for Astroglide personal lubricant shows up on its Internet home page. That’s a slippery slope they’re going down.

But then one night in the lobby, yea, of the Commodore Hotel
I chanced to meet a bartender who said he knew her well
And as he handed me a drink he began to hum a song
And all the boys there, at the bar, began to sing along

If you’ll be my Dixie chicken I’ll be your Tennessee lamb
And we can walk together down in Dixieland
Down in Dixieland, down in Dixieland

It’s a poor craftsman that blames his tools or wardrobe provider.

Fenway Park is now cashless? How so? Because every time I would go to a Red Sox game, I’d always leave having no cash left!! BWAHAHAHA!!! But seriously Craig, a ‘reverse ATM’ sounds dirty.

Honk if you remember the ARA General Belgrano.

Never should have placed that futures bet that a Belarusian runner would win the Marathon.

Welcome to the team, Vernon Dozier.

An interesting one: the Colts hosted CB Stephon Gilmore on a visit today.

I had no idea Greg Hill was also a firefighter!

If it’s an actual person on base, it’s not a ghost runner, stupid.

Doug Edert and Bryant College? A perfect match! PTT!

Best bet for the weekend: delicious and peaceful Easter dinners.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW user Lefty, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Yes, this is a day late. What are you gonna do about it. Weep.

March Sadness champ Greg Bedard wasted no time preparing his title defense, which is weird because he can no longer compete.

No one tell me who won the basketball championship! I taped it to watch later!

JK; I know the 1957 title game loss was avenged! Right Bob?

Perhaps we’re letting our hatred of Massarotti cloud our judgment that he sucks.

Warren Sharp’s real name? Touty McToutface.

YOU thought the Celtics were going to coast to the ECF before Rob got hurt! You did! You did!

Get well soon, Hampsy.

Cakes are cooking for Black Francis, Gerald Diduck, Paul Rudd, Tim Hasselbeck, Myleene Klass, Diora Baird, James Wade, and Peyton List.

Celtics need to somehow figure out how to do the player honors/number retirement ceremonies when they play on the road.

Cautiously optimistic about Team USA’s chances playing out of Group B.

I hope Tiger Woods is cutting his Ambiens in half. It would suck to win The Masters and have no memory of it.

They took the plexiglass down at the front counter of the package store last week. The pandemic is over.

Hey gang possibly consisting of an odd number of people, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Who have the ok to the weekend thing?”

Mattapan Trolley: Shuttle buses replace trolley service the weekend of April 30 – May 1, from start to end of service.

SwingJuice sells hospital gowns?

Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never read too much in spring training stats, good or bad. But Bobby Dalbec has had a good spring. Letting the ball get deep, good swings, letting his power play. Good balance, etc. Looks very hitterish.

There are evidently two Queensryches now.  The one that’s awesome, and the one everyone thinks sucks. And if you have two Queenryches, you have none.

I want Solomon Hughes to make a Tim Duncan movie after seeing him in Winning Time. They could call it “The Most Boring Movie Ever.”

Like Lucy, that Greg Hill Show poll question had Curtis’s grubby fingerprints all over it.

Jeff Howe’s successful battle with cancer was shorter than some people’s entire careers in the mulching business.

Be less consistent as to which jacket pocket you put your car keys in…you can’t!

Cameron Smith? Does he look good in green? Could be.

To be fair, Gerry Callahan had no idea his coffee beans sold for $14.88. That’s because he figured the price in Reichsmarks.

Add boys lacrosse players Caden Padelford & Devin Lampron from Waconah Regional HS (Dalton, MA) to my list of great sports names.

Could be holding you tonight
Could quit doing wrong, start doin’ right
You don’t care about what I think
I think I’ll just stay here and drink.

Hey, puttin’ you down, don’t square no deal
Least you know the way I feel
Take all the money in the bank
I think I’ll just stay here and drink.

Dan Orlofsky first and foremost should be concerned about being a Maynard G. Krebs lookalike.

Honk if you remember the Ice Capades.

Can Doctor Strange diagnose sports injuries on TV from his Bleeker Street sofa?

Rochie…Yeaaaaaaaaa…!!!!!

Fun Fact: the phrase “clappin’ them cheeks” was coined by Bert Bell.

This is where my ‘Duke lost, Lakers eliminated, watch out Yankees fans’ joke would go if I didn’t see Mike Coley or whoever from Barstool make one first. Whew! That was close!

No cute little cake cooking for Lou Merloni? Sniff. I’m making a mockery of his birthday!

The Patriots converted $2.85M of DE Deatrich Wise’s base salary into a signing bonus, creating $1.9M in salary cap space per source. A move made to accommodate the trade of WR Devante Parker.

The Yankees-Red Sox rivalry will have to wait a day to be renewed.

Best bet for the Weekend: azaleas and Jim Nantz wildly overestimating how many of us consider him to be our friend.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, The Entitled Town Group Chat, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Listen close and you can hear that loud jukebox playin’ in my ear.