The 15

THE15 wish THEIS the best in his new city.

Have shakier camerawork, guy recording Chris Sale’s WooSox dugout hallway tantrum.

Hate to see the Celtics lose Juwan Morgan. I was hoping to see him grow his game and wear the appropriate colors on the Celtics bench next season.

The Phoenix Mercury are NOT having a good season…

The15 has deleted a tweet about Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. The video was deleted because it did not meet editorial standards.

I’m hearing whispers the only thing holding up a trade bringing Durant to Boston is Brooklyn’s insistence on including Smart with Jaylen Brown and not Derrick White.

Hey Elle Duncan, now do #DWIdad

Free Bethany Grimer.

Dan Pastorini had more physical talent than anyone.

Cakes are cooking for Ringo Starr, Jessica Hahn, Jim Gaffigan, Cree Summer, Joe Sakic, Lisa Leslie, Carl Breeze, and Michelle Kwan.

Hansel Robles. So designated for assignment right now.

The next move will be the big one.

Revs with 25 points, same as Cincinnati and Orlando.

S*x is huge in a relationship. Don’t let that passion go away.

Great opportunity for RE/MAX to run some ‘Baker Mayfield is moving’ commercials. Tough break, Progressive.

Pretend to like lacrosse more.

‘Sportatorium’ is a terrific portmanteau. Stick tap.

Wrigley Field: weed-covered outfield wall. Fenway Park: Visionary Linda’s Rooftop Gardens. Advantage: Boston.

Shukri Wrights is gonna Brandt/Leland himself into apparently having a job in Boston radio.

Green Line Update: C and D Branch eastbound service is continuing to terminate at Kenmore. Riders can transfer there to a B Branch train for service towards North Station.

If there’s one thing Tom Brady hates besides strawberries, it’s being in the media spotlight.

The worst teams often have the best Summer League squads…

I’m proud to live in a country where a hot dog eating contest can upset a vapid, insufferable sportswriter. Congratulations, Joey Chestnut! Go fuck yourself, Peter King!

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that pays is, “Would love to some offer sheets this year.”

Day after 4th of July poop is amazing. Leave me alone.

Jake DeBrusk has rescinded his trade request. However, our Old Friend Lefty’s request for his trade still stands.

2004 Patriots Front Seven > Patriot Front

With you I never wonder
Will you be there for me?
With you I never wonder
You’re the right one for me.

Straight people taking up valuable and limited seats in Ptown bars is not OK.

Honda will voluntarily recall approximately 737,000 model-year 2018-2020 Accord and Accord Hybrid vehicles along with 2019-2020 Insight vehicles in the United States to update software in the Body Control Module (BCM). Due to a programming flaw, a certain combination of driver actions and vehicle conditions may disrupt communication between the BCM and other components, causing illumination of several warning lights and malfunction of one or more electronic components including the rear view camera display, turn signals and windshield wipers, some potentially increasing the risk of a crash. This condition may also result in noncompliance with certain federal motor vehicle safety standards. Honda has received no reports of crashes or injuries related to this issue.

Honk if you remember Suddenly Salad.

BROGDON

Chris Curtis’ extra skin weighs more than post-Covid Lucille Burdge.

The Browns play at the Panthers in Week 1.

Late afternoon naps are absolute GOLD! Seriously I needed that nap so much and glad I was able to take one, feeling refreshed!

If you walk from Copley Square down to the Boston Common into Government Center you’ve essentially followed a Duck Boat Tour route…

Bill James; not from Topeka. At all.

Congratulations to true American Joey Chestnut. Not to be confused with Joey Chestshitter.

‘Who said Mac Jones?’ – Bills Mafia, 24/7

Best bet for the weekend: Wins versus New York teams by the Revolution and the Red Sox.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW posters Lefty and Coma, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. This one he got a princely racket. That’s what I said now.

Congratulations to the Stanley Cup Champion hockey team.

Maybe the problem isn’t the unvaccinated Red Sox players, but Canada’s onerous vaccine requirements.

Kyrie with the Pee Wee Herman, “I meant to do that”, opts back in with Nets.

My viewing was delayed until tonight because of some really good family time, but #Unrivaled might be the best @E60 I’ve ever seen. Absolutely riveting TV.

I have no idea what these three-initial NBA contractual terms mean.

I like the strategy of charging the dugout instead of the mound. That’s where the order to dot you came from, right?

Cakes are cooking for Mel Brooks, Gary Busey, Dan Dierdorf, María Conchita Alonso, Rosa Mota, George Hincapie, Andy O’Brien, Martin Truex Jr, and Camila Mendes.

Turtleboy is jerking off all over YouTube and he’s crying about a drag queen fisting somebody.

Anybody wanna talk about The Irishman?

Highly regarded NBA assistants never leave for promotions. Everyone forgets that.

UMass’s Own Cale Makar is the first player in NHL history to win the Hobey Baker, Calder trophy, Norris trophy, Conn Smythe, Gord Flooberman Award, and the Stanley Cup.

Pretty much nothing is almost certain.

It’s crazy that stopping to get a coffee when you’re already running late makes you even later.

I like that Wimbledon has a dress code.

Rockport Line Train 107 (10:35 am from North Station) is operating 10-15 minutes behind schedule between West Gloucester and Rockport.

Once a year, the Red Sox should have a “Jerry Remy Day” on which their announcers are required to refer to Nick Pivetta as Nick Pivetter and John Schreiber as John Schreibah.

Google Hangouts is shutting down in November. Its successor is Google Chat, which is not the same as GChat, which was also known as Google Talk. None of those are the same as Spaces, which is the new name for Rooms. I am not making any of this up.

At least there’s pretty lights
And though there’s little variations
It nullifies the night
From overkill.

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day

Fun Fact: New Testament-era Rome had running water. A Harvard-educated baseball editor broad should know that.

Is Noank said with one syllable, or two?

Hey gang, of cannonade enthusiasts, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “invincible in peace, invisible in war.”

David Quinn would be a very Don Sweeney hire for HC.

After a rough start, Revs now right in the meaty part of the MLS standings bell curve.

Sources: The Washington Commanders Football Team and star WR Terry McLaurin have agreed to terms on a 3-year deal worth $23.3M per year new money. Another WR cashes in.

Honda will voluntarily recall 27,838 model-year 2020 Accord Hybrid, 2020 CR-V Hybrid and 2020-2021 Insight vehicles in the United States to update software in the Hybrid Power Control Unit (PCU). Under certain circumstances, the portion of the PCU that controls charging of the 12 volt accessory battery may malfunction, sending the PCU into a “fail safe” mode, preventing battery charging and activating warning displays for the driver. Since a charged 12 volt battery is required for proper vehicle function, this condition may cause a vehicle to stall while driving, potentially increasing the risk of a crash. Honda has received no reports of crashes or injuries related to this issue.

Tomorrow at trivia night at the local 99’s, first prize is a signed Cam Newton Pats jersey. Second prize? TWO signed Cam Newton Pats jerseys! Heyoooo!!

I did not see the Philadelphia Stars upsetting the New Jersey Generals in the USFL playoffs.

Honk if you remember Cold Pizza.

I’d like to get another dog someday, one I could fraudulently fundraise on Twitter for.

The ESPY Nomination are out! The ESPY Nomination are out!!

The Ben Rhodes currently third in the NASCAR Camping World Truck Series standings probably isn’t the former Obama speechwriter. Probably.

Happy for Charissa Thompson.

Okay, fine; Tanner Houck let his teammates down. Now do Britney Griner.

The iPhone turns 15, it finally gained a measure of success once it allowed for HTML5.

That layer of sand on the top of your feet at the beach has an SPF rating of 0.

Corral your own shopping cart. We live in a society.

Isn’t there a NATO-eque mutual aid pact between the 98.5 Twitter superfans in case of attack?

Good job, good effort, Springfield Thunderbirds.

Best bet for the long holiday weekend: Joseph. Christian. Chestnut.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich.

Mark it down. Jayson Tatum gets his flowers this time next year.

The Boston Red Sox, third place now in the AL East standings, always first place in your heart.

Cumulus Media said that “790 The Score” is coming back and will feature 24-7 sports programming. I hope they rehire Scott Cordischi who hasn’t been caught with a hooker in like 22 years.

The WNAB is a fantastic league with breathtaking basketball.

News Item: Jamie Erdahl to replace Kay Adams on GMFB. #CONSONANTS

You gotta be fucking huge to not fit in a roller coaster.

Look more British 2022 U.S. Open Winner Matt Fitzpatrick. Cor blimey, ‘e can’t!

Cakes are cooking for Glenn Danzig, LaSalle Thompson, Colin Montgomerie, Joss Whedon, Mike Bartrum, Selma Blair, Jason Mraz, Matt Light, and Melissa Rauch.

Trent Dilfer is one step closer to being able to dance on all the graves of the 2000 Ravens.

Dudes who have earnest conversations with each other without busting balls is clown-level creepy.

Jeter Downs? Bust.

MBTA: On Monday, an out-of-service new Orange Line train experienced a battery failure. With safety as our top priority, all new Orange & Red Line trains will remain out of service while the we determine the root cause & take any corrective actions. We appreciate our riders’ understanding.

Hey gang of Boston basketball enjoyers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “that’s hardo nonsense.”

In twenty-three U.S. states¹, American Honda will voluntarily recall more than 112,060 Honda Ridgeline vehicles from the 2006-2014 model years to inspect and, as necessary, repair a portion of the rear frame for free. In salt-belt states where de-icing agents are used to maintain the roadway, the de-icing agents, along with mud and dirt, could accumulate along the rear frame where the fuel tank is mounted. Over time, the accumulated de-icing agents/mud/dirt mixture could cause the frame mounting surface, where the fuel tank mounting bands are attached, to corrode and possibly separate from the frame. If this occurs, an unsecured fuel tank can become damaged from undercarriage impact, which can possibly result in fuel leakage. No fuel leaks, fires, crashes or injuries have been reported in relation to this issue.

Nothing can turn around a bad day quite like watching the White Sox play the Astros.

How can there still be a coin shortage?

What are the odds that Tony Siragusa and Tony Siracusa would die on the same day? RIP to both.

Kool thing let me play it with your radio
Move me, turn me on, baby-o
I’ll be your slave
Give you a shave
I don’t wanna, I don’t think so.

I don’t wanna, I don’t think so.

I had a great ‘Did the Warriors ride to Encore Boston on flatbed trucks?’ dig all ready to go. :sadonion:

Beryllium-16 was just turning its half-life around.

Former Bengals’ DT Larry Ogunjobi has signed a one-year deal with the Pittsburgh Steelers, per source. Ogunjobi now will have played for the Browns, Bengals and Steelers, leaving the Ravens as the lone Ogunjobi-less AFC North team.

Lucy is getting better at reading the betting app copy and not crying two minutes before recording.

Honk if you remember Internet Explorer.

Anybody remember the last time a baseball game was cancelled in the third inning because of allergies?

Fun Fact: Jayson Tatum is younger than Rafael Devers!

A bloodhound won Westminster? Okay.

I have no idea when I last watched SportsCenter.

Ryan Blaney and the No. 12 Team Penske Ford Mustang are only 25 points behind in the NASCAR Cup Standings.

Uh, do we have any more refrigerator magnets, Sandy?

It’s almost as though the PIPLing is unverifiable.

Springfield Thunderbirds have their work cut out for them down 2-1 versus the Chicago Wolves in the Calder Cup Final.

Sometimes ‘the haters’ have a point. Just sayin’.

Um, Brig Owens was never a member of the Washington Commanders. So stop saying he was.

Best bet for the weekend: Sumner Tunnel closures.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Laszlo Panaflex, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. And if you wanna find hell with me I can show you what it’s like.

1. Affected U.S. states and districts: Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Vermont, Virginia, West Virginia, Washington D.C., and Wisconsin.

Maybe wait until the Celtics stop moving to strap them to the table and start doing an autopsy of their season?

Happy for Bruce Cassidy landing on his feet.

Know what people historically want to spend money on during a recession? A streaming app featuring a 4th place baseball team and a hockey squad looking at a rebuild.

So what is it: you people actually want another Fitzy? No. You want The 15 on that wall. You need us on that wall.

The U.S. Open being played at The Country Club is a nascent Abbott and Costello skit.

If the NBA is gonna take its officiating cues from pro wrestling, then I say the C’s hit the Warriors with an International Object when the officials aren’t looking.

Cakes are cooking for Dusty Baker, Jim Belushi, Wade Boggs, Helen Hunt, Cedric Pioline, Abdur Razzak, and Cooper Kupp.

Break up the Yankees! Ha ha ha. No, really; Break up the Yankees. And then give their little league stadium the Carthage treatment.

Sorry, I’ve been building a pergola.

Wrong chat. I’m an asshole.

Red Line: Delays of up to 15 minutes due to a train with a mechanical problem at Harvard. Trains may be asked to stand by at stations or be crossed back for service.

Taylor Swift is such a skank and I love every second of it.

Palm trees have been planted in the Boston Public Garden for the summer.

Billerica now clearly needs to annex the Market Basket on the Middlesex Turnpike in Burlington to restore the number in town to three.

Hey gang of one that sees burner accounts every which where, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘I don’t have a fat nose and it’s not what would be considered big by nose’s standards.’

Lightning or Avalanche? Meh.

Drake? He sounds like an old GPS with all the Melodyne.

No season where your team keeps the Nets, the Timberwolves, and the Heat from continuing further in the Playoffs can be considered a failure.

No shame in losing to Stanford in college baseball, UConn.

A hard-earned draw versus Costa Rica playing in the agua for the USMNT in CONCACAF or ECOMCON or whatever.

Just what professional athletes want, ordinary, average-looking nobodies.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life.

American Honda will voluntarily recall 1,093 Honda Passport and Pilot vehicles from the 2019-2020 model years in the United States to inspect each vehicle’s tires to determine if it has been recalled by the manufacturer, and if a recalled tire is found, replace it for free. No related crashes or injuries have been reported in relation to this issue.

Refsnyder? That’s your name? Nah, what was it before you changed it?

Honk if you remember when the librarian was a much older woman: Kindly, discreet, unattractive. We didn’t know anything about her private life. We didn’t want to know anything about her private life. She didn’t have a private life.

Bill Walton should be in a Sullivan Tire commercial.

How many of you are old enough to remember before Sonic Booms were regulated/controlled. You’d be walking along or, God forbid, hanging off a ladder, and all of a sudden there would be a boom loud enough stun you for a second. It’s the kind of little history that gets lost.

The Saints RFA WR/Returner Deonte Harty (on the 2nd round RFA tender), will report to minicamp this week, but the sides remain apart on a contract and nothing is imminent.

Cape League baseball action has commenced.

Rich Strike deserved to come in sixth at the Belmont for skipping the Preakness. There; I said it.

Is there any history of the Celtics winning games Six and Seven?

Quinn Nordin is gone. And there was nothing we could do about it.

Jim Murray’s schtick makes a lot more sense when you realize he’s been a gigantic fucking loser his entire life.

Best bet for the weekend: Microwaved Mac and Cheese.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Shut your eyes and sing to me.

Celtics would have a 2-1 lead in this NBA Finals if that one loss in SF didn’t count as two. Sad!

Surging Red Sox claim final Wild Card spot!!

Sorry Coach Cassidy, but Sweeney wasn’t about to fire himself.

You aren’t a parody account if you make up nonsense “rumors” and try to “attribute” them to an actual reporter. You’re just a jerk. It’s not funny and it creates distrust in the reporters trying to do their actual jobs.

So wait. Now there’s an Apple TV PLUS?!?!? I miss 1980.

Free Betsy Griner.

Solid plan to let the Garden fans know they got to ya.

Cakes are cooking for Dave Parker, Aaron Sorkin, Johnny Depp, Tony Martino, Tedy Bruschi, Peja Stojakovic, and Natalie Portman.

Nothing good happens after a 30 pack of Natty Light shows up.

Matt Patricia will never be able to switch the side of the ball he coaches, but any Patriots football writer can easily become a hoops expert as long as the Celtics are playing.

Will Shelby Scott’s casket lie in state outside Scituate Light? She was 86. Rest in peace.

In the United States, American Honda will voluntarily recall 212 Honda CR-V vehicles from the 2020 model year to replace their fuel tanks, for free. An internal component of the fuel tank may break loose inside the tank and block the float mechanism that signals fuel level to the meter, incorrectly indicating the amount of fuel in the tank. This defect may lead to a vehicle unexpectedly running out of fuel and stalling while driving, increasing the risk of a crash. No crashes or injuries have been reported in relation to this issue.

I miss wiffleball.

Felicia Sonmez may be a humorless scold but she was right about Kobe.

Would love it if Fenway Sports Group could get Gary U.S. Bonds to play at our lyric little bandbox.

I have rarely used a fly swatter over the last ten years, but at my new office I have flies. I am appalled to see how much my fly-swatting skills have deteriorated over the last ten years.

Kerr must be Kerrncerned – Gabz, probably.

Hey gang of deposition fans, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “In fairness, hose is a great term.”

No one likes the Islanders.

Rockport Line Train 107 (11:13 am from Montserrat) is expected to depart from Montserrat 10-20 minutes behind schedule due to the late arrival of equipment caused by a switch issue.

When the phone don’t ring, it’s Felger & Mazz not calling, Greg.

PGA playing hardball with the LIV defectors.

“Dray’s wife’s a whore” would be pretty funny crowd chat to hear Friday.

Aaron Donald gets a bag of flowers or whatever the term is? He got pushed around like a shopping cart in the Super Bowl against NE. I don’t get it.

David. Allan. Boucher.

You’re a fucking weirdo if manager firings get you ‘horned up.’ There; I said it.

UConn/Stanford live from Sunken Diamond Saturday!

Every girl is bi. You just have to figure out if it’s polar or sexual.

Honk if you remember Bobby Valentine.

Ravens coach John Harbaugh tells reporters that QB Lamar Jackson is expected to be at minicamp. “I fully expect him to come back in great shape.”

You made me promises, promises
You knew you’d never keep
Promises, promises
Why do I believe?

Arm in arm we laughed like kids

At all the silly things we did
But you can’t finish what you start
If this is love it breaks my heart

Try to fill more inside straights in video poker! You can’t!

Who does Lefty like in the Belmont?

Had a very heavy day. A couple fake journalists stuffed me in a locker about the accuracy of an article that doesn’t exist. I somehow lost.

Was a Samsquanch trying to break into the Entitled Town recording studio the other night?

Poor Genius Joe Madden. And poor interim manager Phil Nevin, who now has to undo all the wacky stunts Joe planned to motivate his team out of their losing streak. Disinvite the mariachi band for batting practice, contact the zoo and tell them they won’t be needing penguins to release into the clubhouse, and so on.

Adam Silver looks like he glows in the dark.

Does Stephen Belichick have a Christmas tree set up in his house in June?

There’s something intrinsically cruel about starving yourself thin only to turn into a Don Knotts lookalike.

Warriors seem raddled.

Best bet for the weekend; sit on a porch with friends and reminisce about the Blizzard of ’78.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW posters Coma and Hacksaw, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Always something there to remind me.

America is not ready for another Boston team to win a championship. At all.

Any time you get a chance to leave the Patriots beat to cover a perpetual cellar-dwelling Rust Belt NHL franchise you have to take it. Aloha means ‘goodbye’ Matthew Fairburn. Aloha.

Shoulder inflammation for Barnes? 15 Day IL? Earache my eye!

Man, I sure could have gone for some nice gelato two days ago, Tuesday.

The euro soccer team supporter/Boston sports fan lunatic shoepisser corollary remains unbeaten.

I had no idea Orientals could be so hard-core about gambling, right Joc Pederson?

Marcus Ericsson? That’s a hockey name, not a motorsports name. Congrats on winning the Indy 500 regardless.

NESN 360? Well, I guess NESN+ was already in use.

I’m gonna crush a good lunch and then I can already tell I’m going to take an epic nap.

Cakes are cooking for Gary Bettman, Dennis Haysbert, Kevin Feige, Morena Baccarin, Sergio Agüero, and Freddy Adu.

Love more people with all your heart.

Green Line Update: Shuttle buses replace service between Lechmere and North Station with service suspended between there and Park Street. Passengers can use the Orange Line to connect to the Blue Line at State and the Red Line at Downtown Crossing.

Blue Line Update: Trains will continue to bypass Government Center until further notice. Please use Bowdoin or State Street for alternate service.

You see, because CNN+ was a going concern for about a month?

Major league baseball would be much cooler if, when a player breaks his bat, the bat boy brings him a roll of electrician’s tape and makes him tape it back together.

NY Rangers won their Iran/Iraq matchup.

American Honda will voluntarily recall 279 Acura RDX (2021) and Honda CR-V Hybrid (2022) vehicles in the United States to replace the front left or right driveshaft, for free. Certain incorrectly manufactured front driveshafts may be subject to premature internal wear, which could cause a vehicle to lose motive power to the front wheels or to roll unexpectedly while in park without use of the parking brake. Both potential scenarios could increase the risk of a crash. Honda has not received any in-market warranty claims or reports of crash or injury related to this issue, which was discovered during quality inspections at the driveshaft supplier.

Hey gang of cord cutters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘carriage issues.”

No, I do not have to give Jimmy flowers.

How is NESN 360 not priced at an even $34 to honor Big Papi? Another terrible misunderstanding!

Pluots!

Yes, yes, Al Horford, first NBA Finals, blah blah blah; I’m happiest for Payton Pritchard. What?

People who self-report to Old Takes Exposed are the worst.

Anyone else think there should be a no “Yankees suck” chant rule at Fenway until the Red Sox are either A) .500 or better and/or B) Within double-digit games of the Yankees in the standings? Been saying this for years. Also when the Sox are losing in pathetic fashion. And most importantly, when the Yankees aren’t even here, it’s such embarrassing behavior.

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that’s wonderful is what I feel when we’re together,
Brighter than a lucky penny,
When you’re near the rain cloud disappears, dear,
And I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.
My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
That’s how this refrain goes, so come on, join in everybody!

Minty was exactly right about Lando Norris finishing in the top six at Monaco.

How can you be banned from the parade?

Why was the storyline Miami almost staged a comeback and not Boston leading on the road the entire game? Oh, right.

The new Pride flag needs more chevrons.

Marion Barber is a must-sit in all fantasy formats going forward. RIP.

Bill Russell is happy for Johnny Depp, probably.

Best of luck to the Springfield Thunderbirds in their playoffs versus Laval Rocket.

Honk if you remember Fancred.

Said it before, but that Finnish Prime Minster seems like a good time.

No Van Gundy and possibly no Breen? Good. I hope they get monkeypox, too.

More like NESN .460 winning percentage, amirite?

I completely forgot to watch that stupid golf match thing! Drat!

Entitled Town will return.

Best bet for the weekend: Red Sox winning the matchup against Oakland.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, @Gstill45, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Misty watercolor memories.

Upton Bell still Call the holiday Decoration Day. Admiral Dewey Once gave Bert Bell a Commendation For bravery. Bert Bell is Upton’s father.

Last longer, Johnny Depp trial!

Jason Tatum is First Team All-NBA for no other reason than there can’t be 2 players from the same position on the All-NBA team.

Don’t look now, but your Big Swingin’ Red Sox have crept within only ten games out of first place!

Daniel Theis looks like he’s from Malden.

Cakes are cooking for Mike Myers, Stefka Kostadinova, Bill Haselman, Ruthie Bolton, Natalie Schneyder, Cillian Murphy, Brian Urlacher, and Aly Raisman.

Uodate: Emergency cake cooking for The Great Kid David Pastrňák as well.

Blue horseshoe loves crypto.

Get well soon, torn ACL Connecticut Sun lady.

If you had picked legendary baseball writer Roger Angell in the 2022 Death Pool, it would have penalized you a point when he died at the age of 101. Why would you have done that?

The Heat gamin’ the system??

I’m genuinely excited to buy brand new cologne today. Like no kidding I can’t wait. I’m a grown man excited to just being able to buy myself cologne and smell even better. I’m just weird, I don’t know, but I’m pumped.

Pro Tip: You can add periods to your Gmail address for cosmetic spacing purposes. You’ll still receive the emails as normal.

Yes, yes, Early Voting- Epicenter-Creative Minister was the W/P/S at the Preakness Stakes. But why is it called that?

News Item: Subway’s sweet onion sauce has been discontinued.

Hey gang that is part of an organized team, this week’s Phrase that pays is “Months. Away.”

Got a flyer in the mail for a new restaurant advertising a Sunday ‘Bottomless Brunch.’ That sounds exclusionary at best, and a hate crime at worst.

American Honda will voluntarily recall 4,346 Honda Accord (2021), CR-V (2021-2022), Insight (2022) and Ridgeline (2021) vehicles in the United States to replace the rear center seat belt assembly, for free. Certain incorrectly manufactured rear center seat belt assemblies may not allow activation of the automatic locking retractor function required to install certain child safety seats, potentially increasing the risk of injury to occupants in a crash. Honda has not received any report of injury related to this issue, which was discovered during quality inspections at a Honda factory.

You got this, Steven Tyler.

I remember – date and time
September 22nd Sunday twenty-five after nine
In the doorway
With your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces.

I know! I’ll use a picture of Rick and/or Morty to illustrate my excellent point! Look at me; I’m hashtagging!

A. Route One is 2369 miles in length.

Orange Line: Delays of up to 15 minutes due to police activity at Wellington. Trains may be asked to stand by at stations.

I’m hearing that koala medicine treats monkeypox.

Pittsburgh native and #Eagles VP of Player Personnel Andy Wiedl is slated to be named #Steelers’ new assistant GM, multiple sources around the league tell me. That means signs point to longtime Steelers exec Omar Khan emerging as winner of the search to replace Kevin Colbert.

A gut check match is on tap for the Revs versus Philadelphia Union, who sit atop Conference East.

Honk if you remember Razcal Soda.

“The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.” — Joseph Conrad

Please consider contributing to Chad Finn’s ‘Donruss to Donbas’ charitable endeavor.

I am also questionable for Game 5.

Move over, Dick Clark—Big Jim Murray is America’s oldest, fattest, most miserable teenager.

All my apes are gone babe.

Best bet for the weekend: the Indianapolis Motor Speedway once again at full capacity. Vroomy-vroom-vroom!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Please Celebrate Responsibly.

Don’t feel bad if you had no idea this season’s Celtics team was this good. After all, you had to depend the local media to keep you informed as to that.

Say hello to your fourth place Boston Red Sox! Suck it, Baltimore!

The Bruins were a nice story for the first two weeks in May, but now it’s time for the Celtics in the NBA Playoffs, I think that’s how you have to look at it.

Gino Cappelletti. OOTG’s. He will be missed.

Chris Paul just wins everywhere he goes except Wake Forest and New Orleans and Los Angeles and Houston and Oklahoma City and Phoenix.

Wilfert!

‘You only think Grant Williams is good because he had a career-defining Game Seven performance’, isn’t the killshot you think it is, stupid.

Cakes are cooking for Reggie Jackson, Rick Wakeman, Rodger Davis, Jeana Yeager, Yun Fat Chow, Jari Kurri, Yannick Noah, Ingo Schwichtenberg, and Martika.

Betting is such a scam. You lose money if you don’t get it right.

Maybe the Patriots beat writers can convince a Make-A-Wish kid they really don’t want to meet The Rock, they want to know the exact responsibilities of each NE Assistant and positional coach.

How many points did Giannis and Fredo Antetokounmpo combine for in Game Seven?

Chlor-Trimeton!

i get it, nba and nhl playoffs etc….but i can’t recommend much higher than the height of the softball postseason, which we are rapidly approaching

Blue Line Update: Regularly scheduled train service has resumed between Airport and Bowdoin. There will be temporary speed restrictions in place between Airport and Maverick to allow the track and ballast to properly settle.

Did Al Horford get Ken Mattingly-ed?

The 15 have a tight 45 minute set prepared for any and all Tom Brady Roasts. DM’s are open.

Attention media, slow your roll with gaffer taping a gold watch into Patrice Bergeron’s hand and shoving him onto the nearest ice floe.

A tie is better than a loss, Revs. And it’s worth a point, just like a draw!

I would urge you all to be as tolerant as you can be of baseball’s new rules. The game has some issues. They’re trying to work on it. Give them a little space.

Malicious compliance! Fie!

Hey gang of libertines, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “No I was angling for it and the other chick was like come back to our room and drink and I’m like ‘let me get my wife’, but the shuttle had left so we missed it and I was annoyed and it was all downhill from there.”

I remember when Pasta was a Good Kid. What am I saying, he’s still a Good Kid!

American Honda will voluntarily recall approximately 725,000 Passport (2019), Pilot (2016-2019) and Ridgeline (2017-2020) vehicles in the United States to reinforce each vehicle’s hood striker area and inspect the hood for potential related damage. If related damage is found outside of the hood striker area, that hood will be replaced for free. No related crashes or injuries have been reported in relation to this issue.

I am laughing out in the loud.

The Titans and first round WR Treylon Burks have agreed to terms on his 4-year, $14,369,590 fully guaranteed contract with a fifth-year team option. Rookie contracts coming together quickly.

Tom Cruise is a very polarizing individual these days.

News Item: Alex Cora is reportedly pleased with encouraging updates that Chris Sale ‘recognizes what a baseball is almost six time out of ten’ during workouts.

It’s a wonderful time to be here
It’s nice to be alive
Wonderful people everywhere
The way they comb their hair
Makes me want to say
It’s a wonderful place
It’s a wonderful place
It’s a wonderful place
For you
For you
For you

I guess we really aren’t getting that Remo Williams sequel now. RIP, Fred Ward.

What an odd hat to be wearing in this weather.

Honk if you remember Mount St. Helens.

A positive from the Bruins first round exit; I can go back to forgetting that Billy Jaffe exists.

A: Charlie Burdge.

JUST IN: U.S. Soccer has reached a deal to pay the men’s and women’s national teams equally, eliminating a contentious pay gap that saw female players earning less.

Break up the Birmingham Stallions!

Ime became a good coach the minute he figured out when to call time outs.

Nothing quite like the atmosphere of driving to the south shore to play soccer on a turf field in an industrial park.

School principals just sit around all day.

Boras: X gon have to wait until the season is complete to discuss any contract extension.

Best bet for the weekend: Tulsa golf.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. A real romantic place.

May the Fourth of May Be With You!

So have the Celtics regained home court advantage?

Don’t be ascared of the fake Whalers, Bruins!

Bill Belichick: Eight Rings. Chris Curtis: Ninth Place. Scoreboard, dummy.

Now would be a good time to flip the switch and turn the season around, Red Sox.

Andrew Callahan looks like that ‘SoyJak’ meme guy got his wish from the Blue Fairy to become a real boy.

Cakes are cooking for Randy Travis, Martyn Moxon, Dawn Staley, Gregg Alexander, Gretchen Ulion, Heather Kozar, and Andrew Raycroft.

You couldn’t pay me to hug Roger goddell

Can you feel me? Like I feel you? Can our hearts still beat together?

I’m not a TV doc when it comes to diagnosing injuries, but that fella who went after Dave Chappelle has got to be listed as doubtful for tomorrow.

Wayne Newton looked almost as bad as Courtney Fallon.

I don’t know about Dondero, but Mittens Volin looked like he was swinging a driver built for Zee Chara.

If you’ve lost Sheil Kapadia, you’re toast.

Matt Chatham would never eat a cow. Beef comes from steers, stupid.

Hey gang of Northeast Seaboard metropolitan sports fans, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “That’s stolen valor.”

Mattapan Trolley Update: Regularly scheduled service has resumed.

Hey, Elon! Still waiting for that Twitter loyalty reward … a shiny new Tesla. You know you want to give me one.

The Seahawks and Bucs will play in Munich, Germany in Week 10 of the NFL regular season.

Is MegO wearing her hair in Princess Leia buns for her first day at WEEI?

Kenny Pickett is going to the Steelers..you can go home again.

Oh, for the days of 7-8-9 hitter Butch Hobson driving in 112 runs. You don’t believe me? Look it up.

Last night I dug your picture out from my old dresser drawer
I set it on the table and I talked to it ’til four
I read some old love letters right up ’til the break of dawn
Yeah I’ve been sittin’ alone diggin’ up bones

Then I went through the jewelery and I found our wedding rings
I put mine on my finger and I gave yours a fling
Across this lonely bedroom of our recent broken home
Yeah tonight I’m sittin’ alone diggin’ up bones

Of course Nantucket votes to allow topless beaches only after Linda downsized her frontyard.

How can there be a wrong kind of speed in an athlete?

Man, that one guy at work…he is weird, like a platypus.

Real hyperlocal fans don’t need to delete tweets that provide compelling evidence of being an actual fan of other franchises. Just sayin’.

Honk if you remember the Old Man of The Mountain.

Titus Welliver. Red Sox fan. OOTG’s.

I think there may have been some funny business going on between that lady corrections officer and the escaped prisoner.

Fish paralyzer > Beaver tranquilizer.

I am assuming that the Trevor Bauer 324 game suspension starts counting from the point he was suspended last summer, right? Anybody know for sure?

Enjoy retirement, Rutgers Hoops Coach C. Viv Stringer.

Hey bro, remember how good Tiger’s chest looked during The Masters? How does yours stack up? By the way, DK has a great chest.

Best bet for the weekend: a fast horse winning The Derby.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Bobert Ryan, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. If you wonder how long I’ll be faithful I’ll be happy to tell you again I’m gonna love you forever and ever Forever and ever, amen.