07/20/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Fun Fact: the bicycle behind Shiri is to scale.

Hot enough for ya?

Well that was certainly the most x All-Star Game out of the last y years. Magical.

The company needs to grow or it becomes stagnic.

Did Chris Sale get bitten by Matt Clement?

LeBron is the same guy who was pretending to read ‘The Hunger Games’. Has no credibility.

Poor luckless Rory.

The Derek Jeter thing on ESPN, is that sponsored by Valtrex?

Have more boats.

Cakes are cooking for Larry Craig, Carlos Santana, Sandra Oh, Omar Epps, Gisele Bundchen, Julianne Hough, and Ben Simmons.

Josina is going to have to carry even more water now. Or some other fluid.

I thought the FOX Sports graphic during the Sox/Yankees series claiming ‘Jet fuel can’t melt this rivalry1’ was in poor taste.

I’m definitely in my late 40’s because I go shopping at 6 AM to avoid crowds. I’m presently in my living room/office eating fruit, practicing a TV show pitch & watching golf…

Tafka? What is that, Hungarian?

I hope Kirk doesn’t have his usual post-live show ‘negative thoughts’ forcing him to ‘have to take a step back’, like happens every time, always.

Lucy’s video Friday said yesterday was a “Cutter Day”. So she limits herself to certain days? Good for her!

I have four Letters to Cleo: C-U-N-T.

Lou Merloni’s hair is dyed so black, a Kardashian tried to fuck it.

I know that I’m getting older because sometimes now I confuse Terry Pendleton and Garry Templeton.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “God Bless.”

SIDEBAR: I created the #MediasRojasPorVida hashtag on Instagram. ME. I did that shit.

Can’t believe Heath is gone.

It’s interesting the Red Sox have basically eliminated high school pitchers from their draft classes the last few years. Since Paul Toboni took over as Director of Amateur Scouting in 2020, the only one they have selected is Elmer Rodriguez-Cruz in the 4th round last year.

Bergy? Krejci? Hello?

Blue Line: Delays of up to 15 minutes due to a maintenance train inspecting the overhead wires. Trains may be asked to stand by at stations.

Someone should write a scholarly monograph on Reduced Sugar Intake Leading to Acute Humorlessness.

Chris Berman offered to buy my wife a beer and take her home at a Red Sox game once when I ran to the restroom. True story.

If Boston is racist, why does it tolerate Shukri?

You use a fire distinguisher to determine whether it is a type A, B, or C conflagration. Then you commence to extinguishing the flames, dummy. We mock what we don’t understand.

Honk if you remember Hale Irwin.

The Iron Sheik is 80 years old and tweets stuff like “EVERYBODY WANG CHUNG TONIGHT, JABRONI!” and we’re supposed to believe it’s really him?

Michelle Wu is such a cutie.

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

You say “black”, I say “white”
You say “bark”, I say “bite”
You say “shark”, I say “Hey man,
Jaws was never my scene
And I don’t like Star Wars…

Patriots rookie OL Chasen Hines (sixth round, LSU) and Andrew Stueber (seventh round, Michigan) have been placed on the active/non-football injury list. This means they aren’t yet ready to practice. They can come off at any time. They didn’t practice this spring either.

You have to figure Charles Leclerc finishes top 3 in the upcoming Grand Prix de France.

X Games! Hell yeah! #Grindah

Keep reflexively looking at the new cable box to see what time it is, despite that not being a feature!

Willis. Haviland. Carrier.

It breaks my heart everyday that Tiger Woods’ ex-wife ruined his life and career.

‘Thanasis Antetokounmpo’ is Greek-Nigerian for ‘Jeremy Giambi’.

Hey, Memba the 1999 All Star Game at Fenway? Memba that?

Now everyone has to be on their bestest behavior at the TD Garden else LeBron is proven right.

Best bet for the weekend: no hard questions for Big Papi David Ortiz.

Don’t be worried; this was not the Wilbur Show. At all.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sourcesBill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? Bismillah!

Today would have been Natalie Wood’s birthday as well, if not for that (cough) tragic boating accident. (cough)

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