The 15

So that one basketball lady did the ‘you can’t see me’ gesture, the other one pretended she didn’t see her; I don’t know what the problem was.

Alex Verdugo is the first Red Sox player to lead off the first inning of the team’s first game with a triple since Rabbit Warstler in 1931.

The reaction to Florio’s Patriots “news” makes me think normal sports fans are merely wildly outnumbered in this region, as opposed to being hopelessly outnumbered.

Four years of J-school and five years on the beat to tweet out “DM your toppings.”

The former The Fours to become Scores?

Khari becomes the third March Sadness contestant in as many weeks to be made redundant.

Cakes are cooking for Diamond Dallas Page, Cris Carpenter, Paula Cole, Rochelle Walensky, Krista Allen, Tim Coronel, Tom Coronel, Tony Banks, Ross Gload, and Lily James.

Asante Samuel must love getting reminders of the worst moment of his career every few months I guess.

I use to have a real hard time sleeping myself melatonin was a life changer.

Please board Fitchburg Line Train 415 (12:30 pm from North Station) on the inbound platform (Track 2) at Waltham and Brandeis/Roberts today.

Nothing more satisfying than gripping shaft??? Yeah that’s totally an alpha male sort of line.

Don’t you think that when you have a mock draft, you should be required to make fun of everybody as you draft them?

Jim Nantz didn’t die, you weirdos.

The most recent school shooter being trans instead of a MAGA type is like Gerry Callahan’s Christmas morning.

Speaking of Christmas, props to Shalise Manza Young for her grudging edit of her Yahoo Sports piece exculpating Kirk from Gerry’s coded racism.

Some news from Klutch Sports: Agent Nicole Lynn has been promoted to President of the agency’s Football Division.

Fun fact. They returned those towels to Macy’s after the photo shoot.

Do not Google image search ‘gorilla ahole’.

The home run light show is quite frankly beneath the dignity of our lyric little bandbox of a ballpark.

Hey gang of race hustlers as a side hustle, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “So you go have a picnic with your friend.”

There’s a 1 in 555 chance to catch a foul ball.

You up your units if you want to be my pretend online clamdicapper, toots.

Also, it’s hilarious that WEEI fired the gay dude and then the black dude. But Chris fucking Curtis is the indispensable man, though.

These media losers built their audiences off of the Patriots’ success. Gravy train’s slowing down, fuckos. Better make sure those résumés are up to date.

I dial it in and tune the station.
They talk about the U.S. inflation.
I understand just a little.
No comprende, it’s a riddle.

I’m on a Mexican radio,
I’m on a Mexican radio.

Speaking of Southern New Hampshire, I recently realized Ryan Day is married to Stan Spirou’s daughter.

‘Cloaca’ is always good for a laugh.

Yes Ma, I’ll look for the hams at the Market Basket. Yes, I know, the gold foil ones, not the red.

Pussy willows!

Honk if you remember Panamanian baseball infielder Rennie Stennett, one of 3 players to collect 7 hits in a MLB game.

I bet that Kim Mulkey goes through a carton of Misty’s a day.

Oh no. Don’t throw me into the briar patch.

Willis Reed hasn’t pulled a Pat Burns yet? If anyone was going to, it would have been him.

Camden Yards has good corn dogs.

Nature Fact: If you look closely at the tropical plants in the big box home improvement stores you will sometimes see an anole that hitched a ride.

So Pesach is the same as Passover? Good to know.

Will the April Fools Miracle be the high point of the Red Sox season?

You leave that big white goon alone.

Best bet for the weekend; a LIV guy not winning The Masters.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Hacksaw, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Sooner or later, your legs give way, you hit the ground.

This is the first time the Bruins and Celtics both lost on the same night since the last time that happened.

Thanks for the AIDS, Bob. Could have picked a better way to remind everyone you know a previously incarcerated rapper.

Think being a 50-goal scorer for the Bruins places you in some pretty good company?

I don’t know if this is a hot take, but I think college sports fans are way more annoying and vile than pro sports fans.

So WEEI decided to keep the racist but kick the sodomite to the curb?

Cakes are cooking for Earl Campbell, Christopher Lambert, Annabella Sciorra, Billy Beane, Lucy Lawless, Alex Ochoa, Jennifer Capriati, Sylvan Ebanks-Blake, and Teemu Pukki.

Can I find a middle ground where I like that Mina Kimes bodybagged Jason Whitlock but still don’t believe that she should be the GM of an NFL team?

I think a moment of silent appreciation for Fenway Sports Group thoughtfully making sure plenty of good seats are still available for tomorrow’s Opening Day versus Baltimore is in order.

Never run from a bear.

Ah, March. 26 of 30 teams currently projected to be better than they were last season!

Pats cartel 2 Mike Giardi 0

Boston as a sneaker mecca is a tough sell for folks who don’t know… It was wild to live in a place where Adidas, Nike & Reebok were all at war with each other at one point in time but you’d enter Jamaica Plain via the Orange Line and suddenly everyone’s rocking Fila there?

If I wanted to go on a “darkness retreat” I would cruise the Baltic Ocean with my in-laws.

Weird that yet another team in The Association is having Superfund Site-level team chemistry toxicity issues after acquiring Kyrie Irving.

Norah Jones would like pie crust.

May is Stroke Awareness Month, but I don’t think Jack Edwards can wait until then.

News Item: Avocado fries lead new menu items at Fenway Park.

Franklin Line Train 748 (10:23 am from Foxboro) bypassed Forest Hills station today due to track inspection. Passengers may consider the Orange Line for alternative service.

You know you’ve made it, when your address has a letter next to the number.

Barmore’s (alleged) plaintiff done got Farrah Fawcett’d by Kang the Conqueror getting arrested. Sad.

I don’t believe Antionelli’s Cheese Shop is a real place.

Wishing Doug Meehan the best ahead of his surgery for prostate cancer tomorrow.

Hey gang of Ocean State colonial history buffs! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Find out if he knows where Ned is.”

I have three already on my phone, but I’m going to download a fourth sports betting app so I can definitely wager on the correct college basketball team to win the from the Final Four. I may be doing this wrong.

It doesn’t matter what I say
So long as I sing with inflection
That makes you feel I’ll convey
Some inner truth or vast reflection
But I’ve said nothing so far
And I can keep it up for as long as it takes
And it don’t matter who you are
If I’m doing my job then it’s your resolve that breaks

Because the Hook brings you back
I ain’t tellin’ you no lie.
The Hook brings you back
On that you can rely.

What a delightful trollop that Paige Spirinac is.

Bill’s selfish desire to win games is going to ruin Kraft’s goal of winning games!

Honk if you remember B. Kliban cats.

While Calais Campbell had several options, he bought in to the vision of Atlanta coach Arthur Smith and GM Terry Fontenot. He’s been to a conference title game with a young team and young QB before and perhaps there are some similarities.

UConn put the ‘Big East’ back into The Big East!

Is The Hoodie on the hotseat?

Always make sure you know who the stepparents are, Harvard Womens Hockey Coach Lady.

RKK knows none of the bad things are RKK’s fault!

Where have you gone, Mensa Matt Wilson? Our collaborative turns its lonely eyes to you, Woo, woo, woo..

Upper Midwest versus the Northeast in the two Frozen Four tilts? Sounds right to me!

Yep, the struggling NFL Network needed to cut weight. Maybe Giardi just isn’t very good at his job?

Curtis doubtless spent his week’s suspension in quiet contemplation of his many mistakes.

You can call #NHLBruins “The Boston Peaky Blinders”.

Best bet for the weekend: baseball games in football weather.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Uncle Gizmo, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Jane says, “Have you seen my wig around? I feel naked without it.”

And happy shared birthday (same year!) to Elle MacPherson and Jill Goodacre Connick.