03/22/2023 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

MIAMI, FLORIDA – MARCH 21: Shohei Ohtani #16 of Team Japan reacts after the final out of the World Baseball Classic Championship defeating Team USA 3-2 at loanDepot Park.
(Photo by Eric Espada/Getty Images)

Japan. Think they’re any good at World Baseball Classics?

Kim English? I guess. You know who was available to coach Providence? Patrick Ewing.

Jaylen, a bit of free advice? Keep your trap shut until after the parade.

Bruins. Owning. But due for a letdown versus Montreal?

Purdue Men’s Basketball should try and get some of those notoriously permissive Big Ten refs to work the Tournament one of these years.

Qualin. Dont’a. Hightower. Thanks for your service.

Is Curtis drinking again? It’s a fair question.

Cakes are cooking for William Shatner, Dick Pound, Don Chaney, Bob Costas, Matthew Modine, Elvis Stojko, Shawn Bradley, Marcus Camby, Reese Witherspoon, Joey Porter, and J.J. Watt.

Andy Kaufman revealing himself to be alive so he can accept the WWE Hall Of Fame induction would probably be the funniest thing ever.

If you have two Artie Demoulases, you have none.

Dear Merriam Webster’s – think I just invented another new word: agridustrial, for the agriculture industry, or the industry of agriculture – I know there’s already agroindustrial, but my word (agridustrial) is shorter, and cuter.

Cooley Family Disharmony?

It just dawned on me, but next month (April 15th) is the 10-year anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombing.

Hey gang of Just So Storytellers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “It’s Unfair to Track the Bear to His Lair!!”

You’re not a real sports fan unless you enjoy Division 3 women’s basketball.


There’s a Harvard Extension Medical School now, apparently?

Service Update: The full-line speed restriction on the Green Line has been lifted. Test trains confirmed that all speed signs are in place. Targeted block speed restrictions are now in effect on the Green, Red, Orange, Blue, and Mattapan Lines.

Please don’t follow. Go back to mary-mary land.

Shannon Sharpe is a 54-year-old LeBron James stan. Thats just sad, bruh.

I wasn’t at the concert; did E Street Ombudsman Garry Tallent have to correct Bruce mid-monologue?

Baseball and auto racing both require constant left turns. Is there any sport that requires right turns? Let us know in the comments.

I might enjoy one of those dinosaur balloons.

Reunion! Defensive back (or safety?) Jalen Mills and the Patriots have agreed to a one-year deal worth up to $6.1M, per source.

I’d give the moon if it were mine to give.
For your love.
I’d give the stars and the sun ‘fore I live.
For your love.

To thrill you with delight
I’ll give you diamonds bright
There’ll be things that will excite
To make you dream of me at night
For your love.

Gary Glitter’s youth addiction is more real than Kyle Draper’s retroactive alcoholism. (Unfortunately)

Honk if you remember Newport Jai Alai.

Why don’t I ever get flagged down while driving by a naked Amanda Bynes during a psychotic episode?

Definitely organic that every person who has ever commented on Kara Lawson uses the exact same superlative to describe her basketball mind.

The ‘who won’t wear the ribbon?’ guys from Seinfeld were not meant to be role models.

It’s rather strange there aren’t any video game-themed restaurants in the US, as far as I know. Are there any in Japan or Korea?

A: “Abe Saperstein”.

I cured my Long COVID by staring into a powerful UV light for an hour a day while my Mom paid my rent. True Story.

St. John’s, are they on probation yet?

I missed Wayne’s birthday! Hopefully his fatha didn’t.

Best bet for the weekend: a Bluejay defeating a Tiger? Preposterous.

BdlG in a bit of a strange outfit. But you weirdos won’t care.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sourcesBill James, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Sunday in the Park with George!

And Happy Birthday to actress Constance Wu.

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