The 15

This is the first time the Bruins and Celtics both lost on the same night since the last time that happened.

Thanks for the AIDS, Bob. Could have picked a better way to remind everyone you know a previously incarcerated rapper.

Think being a 50-goal scorer for the Bruins places you in some pretty good company?

I don’t know if this is a hot take, but I think college sports fans are way more annoying and vile than pro sports fans.

So WEEI decided to keep the racist but kick the sodomite to the curb?

Cakes are cooking for Earl Campbell, Christopher Lambert, Annabella Sciorra, Billy Beane, Lucy Lawless, Alex Ochoa, Jennifer Capriati, Sylvan Ebanks-Blake, and Teemu Pukki.

Can I find a middle ground where I like that Mina Kimes bodybagged Jason Whitlock but still don’t believe that she should be the GM of an NFL team?

I think a moment of silent appreciation for Fenway Sports Group thoughtfully making sure plenty of good seats are still available for tomorrow’s Opening Day versus Baltimore is in order.

Never run from a bear.

Ah, March. 26 of 30 teams currently projected to be better than they were last season!

Pats cartel 2 Mike Giardi 0

Boston as a sneaker mecca is a tough sell for folks who don’t know… It was wild to live in a place where Adidas, Nike & Reebok were all at war with each other at one point in time but you’d enter Jamaica Plain via the Orange Line and suddenly everyone’s rocking Fila there?

If I wanted to go on a “darkness retreat” I would cruise the Baltic Ocean with my in-laws.

Weird that yet another team in The Association is having Superfund Site-level team chemistry toxicity issues after acquiring Kyrie Irving.

Norah Jones would like pie crust.

May is Stroke Awareness Month, but I don’t think Jack Edwards can wait until then.

News Item: Avocado fries lead new menu items at Fenway Park.

Franklin Line Train 748 (10:23 am from Foxboro) bypassed Forest Hills station today due to track inspection. Passengers may consider the Orange Line for alternative service.

You know you’ve made it, when your address has a letter next to the number.

Barmore’s (alleged) plaintiff done got Farrah Fawcett’d by Kang the Conqueror getting arrested. Sad.

I don’t believe Antionelli’s Cheese Shop is a real place.

Wishing Doug Meehan the best ahead of his surgery for prostate cancer tomorrow.

Hey gang of Ocean State colonial history buffs! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Find out if he knows where Ned is.”

I have three already on my phone, but I’m going to download a fourth sports betting app so I can definitely wager on the correct college basketball team to win the from the Final Four. I may be doing this wrong.

It doesn’t matter what I say
So long as I sing with inflection
That makes you feel I’ll convey
Some inner truth or vast reflection
But I’ve said nothing so far
And I can keep it up for as long as it takes
And it don’t matter who you are
If I’m doing my job then it’s your resolve that breaks

Because the Hook brings you back
I ain’t tellin’ you no lie.
The Hook brings you back
On that you can rely.

What a delightful trollop that Paige Spirinac is.

Bill’s selfish desire to win games is going to ruin Kraft’s goal of winning games!

Honk if you remember B. Kliban cats.

While Calais Campbell had several options, he bought in to the vision of Atlanta coach Arthur Smith and GM Terry Fontenot. He’s been to a conference title game with a young team and young QB before and perhaps there are some similarities.

UConn put the ‘Big East’ back into The Big East!

Is The Hoodie on the hotseat?

Always make sure you know who the stepparents are, Harvard Womens Hockey Coach Lady.

RKK knows none of the bad things are RKK’s fault!

Where have you gone, Mensa Matt Wilson? Our collaborative turns its lonely eyes to you, Woo, woo, woo..

Upper Midwest versus the Northeast in the two Frozen Four tilts? Sounds right to me!

Yep, the struggling NFL Network needed to cut weight. Maybe Giardi just isn’t very good at his job?

Curtis doubtless spent his week’s suspension in quiet contemplation of his many mistakes.

You can call #NHLBruins “The Boston Peaky Blinders”.

Best bet for the weekend: baseball games in football weather.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Uncle Gizmo, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Jane says, “Have you seen my wig around? I feel naked without it.”

And happy shared birthday (same year!) to Elle MacPherson and Jill Goodacre Connick.

“Stay off the roads” they say as they’re driving around showing you how bad the roads are.

Jakobi lateraled away a few million from his bag.

KG wants to know if Marcus Smart’s cereal also tastes like Honey Nut Cheerios.

It’s not MY dead money. Aloha, Jonnu.

Is UConn poised for a March Madness run?

So we give them a bunch of Oscars so they will stop sending us novel coronaviruses, is that it?

There is no such thing as a post June 1 trade.

Craig Teed was just scouting prospects.

Boeheim. And Ewing. Makes you think.

You haven’t heard much about the Ides of May, July, or October for the better part of the past 425 years.

Cakes are cooking for Mark McGrath, Sabrina Salerno, Louis Riddick, Mike Tomlin, Eva Longoria, will.i.am, Kevin Youklis, Daryl Murphy, Tom Chilton, and Tatiana Shmailyuk.

Do YOU ever sit back and contemplate the life jackpot that Taylor Swift hit? Those looks AND that voice in one person. The odds of that genetic combination seem borderline impossible.

I like Marquette’s coach, he speaks well and I’d feel safe around him.

The 1950’s were the height of human athleticism.

That Steven Adams AT&T commercial has big ‘Brian Orakpo, All-Pro Linebacker’ energy.

Service Update: Riders should plan for additional travel time & longer headways on the Red, Orange, Blue, Green & Mattapan Lines this week as T engineers continue to perform repair validations & speed verifications following a DPU site visit last week.

There’s heart attack snow in the heart attack driveway.

Mindy Kaling, she’s from Boston. Home of Harvard University. I’m pretty sure Mindy knows what a trust fund kid is and I’m pretty sure she isn’t one herself.

DePaul and Xavier aren’t original Big East teams?

Short Round was also the kid in The Goonies? Did not know that.

Nicaragua is having a tough World Baseball Classic. Lordy!

Hey gang of disavowed Carmine Hose podcasters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I could see you being like a sneaky 17.”

Has Josina Anderson ever talked to a honkie NFL player?

Taxing un-realized capital gains is the government’s version of claiming you slept with every woman who wouldn’t go have coffee with you.

Well my wave length gets a little longer,
Every time I wave goodbye,
Sentimental break down,
You know I break down and lie,
Where I’m not supposed to lie my head,
Always seems my softest pillow.

A: Merle Oberon.

Stop using Japanese release dates for video game consoles…

Bob Melvin Saturday Jay Groome–acquired by the Padres for Eric Hosmer last season–may open the season im the majors as a lomng reliever.

Salma Hayek has got to be the hottest 70-year old of all time.

Every time I see a clip for the Barstool Man Cave Gambling Cave thing, I get depressed.

Honk if you remember Pi being irrational.

News Item: Diamond Sports Group, which operates Bally Sports regional networks, has filed for bankruptcy.

YOU drove The Player to a tax haven. You did!

We finally got a History of the World Part 2, but not holding my breath for Rock & Roll Part 3.

Nothing like a tournament at New England Center in Marlborough to put a cap on the Hockey season.

Is every Boston-adjacent celebrity endorsing one of the sportsbooks or is it just my imagination?

Corpus Christi is not an island.

Get well soon, Mr. Springsteen. All the sportswriters, and I mean all of them, are hoping and/or praying for your speedy recovery.

Big battle brewing between Blackburn and Shukri to be Bean’s 6 AM Saturday Revs co-host.

Best bet for the weekend: Not Rutgers. Sorrey!

Know this: Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, as well as Peter Gammons,  Bill James, BSMW posters Feejis, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column, All the things that I used to say, All the words that got in the way, All the things that I used to know have gone out the window.