03/15/2023 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

WAKE UP, Bill! People are panicking!

“Stay off the roads” they say as they’re driving around showing you how bad the roads are.

Jakobi lateraled away a few million from his bag.

KG wants to know if Marcus Smart’s cereal also tastes like Honey Nut Cheerios.

It’s not MY dead money. Aloha, Jonnu.

Is UConn poised for a March Madness run?

So we give them a bunch of Oscars so they will stop sending us novel coronaviruses, is that it?

There is no such thing as a post June 1 trade.

Craig Teed was just scouting prospects.

Boeheim. And Ewing. Makes you think.

You haven’t heard much about the Ides of May, July, or October for the better part of the past 425 years.

Cakes are cooking for Mark McGrath, Sabrina Salerno, Louis Riddick, Mike Tomlin, Eva Longoria, will.i.am, Kevin Youklis, Daryl Murphy, Tom Chilton, and Tatiana Shmailyuk.

Do YOU ever sit back and contemplate the life jackpot that Taylor Swift hit? Those looks AND that voice in one person. The odds of that genetic combination seem borderline impossible.

I like Marquette’s coach, he speaks well and I’d feel safe around him.

The 1950’s were the height of human athleticism.

That Steven Adams AT&T commercial has big ‘Brian Orakpo, All-Pro Linebacker’ energy.

Service Update: Riders should plan for additional travel time & longer headways on the Red, Orange, Blue, Green & Mattapan Lines this week as T engineers continue to perform repair validations & speed verifications following a DPU site visit last week.

There’s heart attack snow in the heart attack driveway.

Mindy Kaling, she’s from Boston. Home of Harvard University. I’m pretty sure Mindy knows what a trust fund kid is and I’m pretty sure she isn’t one herself.

DePaul and Xavier aren’t original Big East teams?

Short Round was also the kid in The Goonies? Did not know that.

Nicaragua is having a tough World Baseball Classic. Lordy!

Hey gang of disavowed Carmine Hose podcasters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I could see you being like a sneaky 17.”

Has Josina Anderson ever talked to a honkie NFL player?

Taxing un-realized capital gains is the government’s version of claiming you slept with every woman who wouldn’t go have coffee with you.

Well my wave length gets a little longer,
Every time I wave goodbye,
Sentimental break down,
You know I break down and lie,
Where I’m not supposed to lie my head,
Always seems my softest pillow.

A: Merle Oberon.

Stop using Japanese release dates for video game consoles…

Bob Melvin Saturday Jay Groome–acquired by the Padres for Eric Hosmer last season–may open the season im the majors as a lomng reliever.

Salma Hayek has got to be the hottest 70-year old of all time.

Every time I see a clip for the Barstool Man Cave Gambling Cave thing, I get depressed.

Honk if you remember Pi being irrational.

News Item: Diamond Sports Group, which operates Bally Sports regional networks, has filed for bankruptcy.

YOU drove The Player to a tax haven. You did!

We finally got a History of the World Part 2, but not holding my breath for Rock & Roll Part 3.

Nothing like a tournament at New England Center in Marlborough to put a cap on the Hockey season.

Is every Boston-adjacent celebrity endorsing one of the sportsbooks or is it just my imagination?

Corpus Christi is not an island.

Get well soon, Mr. Springsteen. All the sportswriters, and I mean all of them, are hoping and/or praying for your speedy recovery.

Big battle brewing between Blackburn and Shukri to be Bean’s 6 AM Saturday Revs co-host.

Best bet for the weekend: Not Rutgers. Sorrey!

You were warned to stay off the roads.

Know this: Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, as well as Peter Gammons,  Bill James, BSMW posters Feejis, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column, All the things that I used to say, All the words that got in the way, All the things that I used to know have gone out the window. 

And Happy Birthday to actress Eva Amurri, whom I think somewhat resembles her mother, Susan Sarandon.

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