The 15

Breaking News: Baseball is officially over! Time to take out the air conditioners, put in the storm windows and start raking those pesky leaves. Sounds like a fun weekend of puttering around until Sunday Night Football, but you know what else sounds like fun? Banking goodwill with you significant other! Week 5 has a horrific lineup of games and the weather is supposed to be glorious. There’s no better time than now to break out the official The15 Fall Event Avoidance Generator and topsy turvy that motherf*cker. It’s the perfect opportunity for you, yes YOU, to bite the bullet and invite your loved one to the Foliage Brunch or the Hay Festival or even a trip to the Apple Maze. The Patriots play at 1 o’clock for the next five weeks – think ahead. Remember failing to plan is planning to fail.

Sunday English Muffin Time
Vikings (-3.5 ) at Browns
Norsemen squash woodland sprites

Sunday Lunch Time
Cowboys (-2.5 ) at Jets
Jets soar to Cowboys crash

Broncos at Eagles (-5.5)
Philly nix Nix

Texans at Ravens (-7.5)
Scary black birds kickoff spooky season with a win

Raiders at Colts (-6.5)
Indianapolis Jones extends the Raiders lost season

Dolphins (-1.5 ) at Panthers
Black cats feast on fish

Giants (-1.5 ) at Saints
David slays Goliath

Sunday Dinner Time
Buccaneers at Seahawks (-3)
Bucs sink Seahawks

Titans at Cardinals (-9.5)
Phoenix grabs the Mythical Creature Bowl

Lions (-8.5 ) at Bengals
Jungle kings dominate the battle of the big cats

Commanders at Chargers (-2.5)
Bolts shutdown Washington

Sunday Prowl Time
Patriots at Bills (-8.5)
The whiteout uniforms whitewash the Patriots

Monday Prowl Time
Chiefs (-3) at Jaguars
Indigenous peoples skin the spotted cats

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.