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Football Cat’s Week 5 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on October 8, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

From the home office in Shedd Park…

Drake Maye’s Top 5 Conspiracy Theories:
5. Fumbles aren’t real
4. Chemtrails are creating atmospheric disturbances which are increasing the number of interceptions
3. Prolonged exposure to the electromagnetic field emanating from Robert Kraft’s surveillance bunker is weakening the soft tissue of the players
2. The real Bill Belichick is being held captive in the lighthouse while his clone is out damaging his legacy
1. Fluoridation caused Mike Vrabel to have a six year affair with Dianna Russini

I do not avoid women, Drake, but I do deny them my essence

Sunday Breakfast Time
Eagles at Jaguars (-4.5)
Spotted cats enjoy a win over a spot of tea

Sunday Lunch Time
Bengals (-7.5) at Dolphins
Stripey cats feast on fish

Vikings (-1.5) at Saints
Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints? Dey be the Vikings.

Raiders at Patriots (-3.5)
Birds may not be real, but Drake Maye IS!

Browns at Jets (-2.5)
Brown out shuts down New York

Texans (-6.5) at Titans
Texans top Tits

Colts at Steelers (-2.5)
Yinzy over Indy

Giants at Commanders (-3)
Greek Giant skins Washington

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos (-3.5) at Chargers
Bolts shock Broncos

Lions (-5.5) at Cardinals
Jungle Kings devour pretty red birds

Bears (-2.5) at Packers
Meatmen grind out a win

49ers at Seahawks (-3)
Fake Seabirds soar as Purrdy slumps in the perpetual rain of Seattle

Wet gray cat sitting beneath a sidewalk awning on a rainy city street — Yet another miserable rainy day in Seattle

Sunday Prowl Time
Ravens (-3.5) at Falcons
Penix slaps the Scary Black Birds

Monday Prowl Time
Bills at Rams (-2.5)
Horny Sheep clip Hairy Cows

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 1 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on September 11, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

Our long national nightmare is over! Football Cat has returned to brighten your humdrum lives and fill your coffers with money.

If you live under a rock and are unfamiliar with THE Football Cat™, our AI overlords have been kind enough to provide this brief bio:

Football Cat is a humorous NFL prediction feature on the Football Cat Category page of The 15 website.

Who is Football Cat?

Location: Lives in New Hampshire.

Hobby: Loves watching football.

Identity: Literally a cat.

What Does Football Cat Do?

Weekly Picks: Shares regular NFL game predictions throughout the football season.

Special Events: Publishes special columns for holidays and big events, like Thanksgiving games and the NFL playoffs.

Funny Commentary: Uses silly nicknames and jokes to describe teams and matchups.

Sunday Lunch Time
Bears (-2.5) at Panthers
Windy citizens blow past black cats

Buccaneers at Bengals (-3.5)
Stripey cats claw out a win over Corsairs

Ravens (-3.5) at Colts
Scary black birds coral Colts

Saints at Lions (-7)
Jungle kings knockout N’Awlins

Bills (-1.5) at Texans
Hairy cows stampede Texicans

Browns at Jaguars (-7.5)
Spotted cats flush the Browns

Jets at Titans (-1.5)
Assmen pancake Tits

Falcons at Steelers (-3)
Men of Steel can Tua ~~Fish~~ Birds

Sunday Dinner Time
Packers at Vikings (-1.5)
Cheesemen ooze over the Juicy Lucies

Commanders at Eagles (-4.5)
American birds bash Commies

Dolphins at Raiders (-3.5)
Miami is “Planning for Manning” (copyright)

Cardinals at Chargers (-10.5)
Bolts zap pretty red birds

Sunday Prowl Time
Cowboys (-2.5) at Giants
Pituitaries pop Pokes

Monday Prowl Time
Broncos at Chiefs (-2.5)
Indigenous people bust Broncos

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Conference Picks 2026

Posted on January 23, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

Not only do we have an AFC Championship game to look forward to on Sunday, but we also have the storm of the century bearing down on our beloved six state region, yes even Rhode Island. How much snow will YOU get? Well, that depends on many factors: how close to the benchmark the storm is, where does any banding set up, what is the QPF and how much love you have in your heart.

And before you rush out to the stores to stock up on bread and milk, remember these wise words:
“Look, I’m not saying I could do it better than them. I’m just saying they’re wrong a lot. That’s a fact. They’re wrong a lot. We all make mistakes. I’m not being critical of them, I’m just saying I don’t think you can go based on that. My experience of going with the forecast in this area two days before the game, I mean I’d bet a lot that they’re wrong, just based on history because they’re almost always wrong. An hour before the game, maybe. You might have something to work with there. I think if you start game planning for what the weather is going to be and you game plan wrong, you’ve wasted a lot of time.” – Bill Belichick, October 31, 2014

Sunday Early Dinner Time
Patriots (-4.5) at Broncos
Patriots bust Broncos

Sunday Late Dinner Time
Rams at Seahawks (-2.5)
Horny Sheep spook Darnold

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 14 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on December 4, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Football Cat’s Week 14 NFL Picks ’25

Time to check in with everyone’s favorite nonagenarian sportswriter, none other than legendary boxing and gridiron correspondent for the old Boston Evening Gazette, Buzz “Lefty” McBride. Mr. McBride would like to share his take on the controversial hit New England Patriots’ linebacker Christian Eliss placed on New York Giants’ quarterback Jaxson Dart during the first quarter of Monday night’s football game.

Buzz “Lefty” McBride: “Looks to me like Eliss knocked Jaxson Dart onto Queer Street”

Many thanks to “Lefty” for his thoughtful and enlightened commentary.

Sunday Lunch Time
Titans at Browns (-4.5)
Turds top Tits

Seahawks (-7) at Falcons
Fake sea birds rule the roost

Colts (-1.5) at Jaguars
Jags jettison Jones

Commanders at Vikings (-2.5)
Feds raid Minnesota

Bengals at Bills (-5.5)
Buffalo buries Burrow

Saints at Buccaneers (-8.5)
Bucs defrock the clergy

Steelers (-6) at Ravens
Scary black birds love a game played in a dark place

Dolphins (-2.5) at Jets
New Yorkers feast on frozen fish

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos (-7.5) at Raiders
YOU want the Raiders to win, but you can’t always get what you want

Rams (-8.5) at Cardinals
Horney sheep trample pretty red birds

Bears at Packers (-6.5)
The pack is back!

Sunday Prowl Time
Texans at Chiefs (-3.5)
Indoor cats can’t handle the chill of the open plains

Monday Prowl Time
Eagles (-2.5) at Chargers
Patriotic birds zap Bolts

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 13 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on November 28, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Welcome to Black Friday 2025!

Smart shoppers are avoiding the crowds by visiting the official the15net.com store to pick up their official the15net.com merchandise. It’s what all the cool people will be wearing to the office Christmas party. And who doesn’t want to be cool?

Q: Who could ever look cooler than these Fonzies

Sunday Lunch Time
Rams (-10) at Panthers
Horny sheep skin black cats

49ers (-4.5) at Browns
Prospectors fry Colonel Sanders

It takes a tough cat to make a tender bird

Texans at Colts (-4.5)
Indianapolis Jones whips Houston

Saints at Dolphins (-5.5)
Tua’s Dolphins dunk tanking Saints

He’s not called *Coach Drip* for nothing

Falcons (-2.5) at Jets
Birds of Prey soar over sputtering Jets

Cardinals at Buccaneers (-2.5)
Pretty Red Birds fly past Bucs

Jaguars (-6.5) at Titans
Spotted cats top Tits

Did someone say “jaguar tit top”?
*EDITOR’S NOTE: These are leopard spots, not jaguar spots. We regret the error.*

Sunday Dinner Time
Vikings at Seahawks (-11.5)
Sam Darnold haunts Vikings

Raiders at Chargers (-10)
Bolts put out Vegas’ lights

You can get the top selling Jonathan shirt in white

Bills (-3.5) at Steelers
Buffalo wings Yinzers

Sunday Prowl Time
Broncos (-6) at Commanders
Rested Broncos bust Commies

Monday Prowl Time
Giants at Patriots (-7.5)
Pats head to the bye on a high

You can get the top selling Jonathan shirt in blue

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Thanksgiving Picks ’25

Posted on November 27, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Turkey fans enjoy giving out gobbles this time of year, but what about America’s fastest, and fattest, growing dietary subgroup the Porksaterians? Well don’t worry Porky, we’re here to satisfy you with a serving of oinks.

Grant Huckvale (a.k.a. Hogdale):
Hogdale carved a niche for himself as an overly exuberant alternative broadcaster to the stoic and bland official Red Sox play-by-play teams on NESN and WEEI. Over the summer you’d see Hogdale clips occasionally retweeted into your timeline, usually after Red Sox wins, and you’d think to yourself “I think that’s the tops“. We probably all agree that Hogdale is special. Smash cut to present day, and we are confronted with a hog of a different color. Barstool, in an effort to fill an obese chromosomically challenged void in their lineup, swooped in and waved a lucrative (by part-time minimum waged Iowan standards) five figure contract in front of Hogdale’s snout and lured him into their slaughter house. Now Hogdale’s giant screaming maw is ever present, ever hot takey and ever annoying. To quote Rocky IV: “What started out as a joke has turned into a disaster”.
4 oinks 🐷🐷🐷🐷

Thanksgiving early eaters time
Packers at Lions (-2.5)
Jungle Kings slice and dice Cheese Heads

Thanksgiving late eaters time
Chiefs (-3.5) at Cowboys
Squantos feast on the Pilgrims

Thanksgiving overeaters time
Bengals at Ravens (-7)
Scary Black Birds bury Burrow’s boys

Black Friday Afternoon Nap time
Bears at Eagles (-7)
Birds bully Bears

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 12 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on November 21, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Please enjoy some pre-Thanksgiving haikus…

A Cat:
Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren’t that sharp.

Football:
Pigskin, gridiron
These equal true happiness
All thanks to Bert Bell

Robert Kraft:
Desperate for praise
Time for my prepaid close up
Get my booster seat

Kendra Middleton:
I crave attention
Look at me I am zany
Stop bothering me

Bob Socci:
This is not tv
Please give me down and distance
This is radio

Scott Zolak:
Must you grunt and groan
You are ruining the game
Try doing less coke

Sunday Lunch Time
Jets at Ravens (-13.5)
The Poes crawl out from under the floor boards

Steelers at Bears (-2.5)
Bears won’t be caged

Patriots (-8.5) at Bengals
Stripey cats can’t trap Pats

Giants at Lions (-10.5)
Jungle kings cut down Giants

Vikings at Packers (-6.5)
Packmen gobble up JJ

Colts at Chiefs (-3.5)
Native peoples corral Colts

Seahawks (-13.5) at Titans
Fake seabirds best the breasts

Sunday Dinner Time
Jaguars (-2.5) at Cardinals
Spotted cats swallow pretty red birds

Browns at Raiders (-3.5)
Black hole excretes the Browns

The photo Keebler didn’t want you to see

Eagles (-3.5) at Cowboys
Birds beat Boys

Falcons (1.5) at Saints
Saints flush Falcons in the Toilet Bowl

Sunday Prowl Time
Buccaneers at Rams (-6.5)
It’s no longer Baker Mayefield, it’s Baker Won’t-field

Monday Prowl Time
Panthers at 49ers (-7)
Purrrrdy boxes black cats

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 11 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on November 14, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

As DRAKE-A-MAYENIA sweeps the six state region, we’d just like to remind you where you first were introduced to that fantastic (and potentially lucrative) phrase… it was HERE, in Football Cat’s Week 13 NFL Picks ’24!

and also here, in Football Cat’s Week 15 NFL Picks ’24!

As part of our pending intellectual property infringement lawsuit(s), our special council has advised us to put all of our ideas out there (that’s legal jargon). So without further ado we bring you our latest potential merchandise ideas (TRADEMARK!):

Remember, never settle for cheap imitations when you can choose the high quality original! Only available (potentially) at the15net.com official store!

Sunday Desayuno Time
Commanders at Dolphins (-2.5)
¡Los delfines ganan!

Sunday Lunch Time
Panthers at Falcons (-3.5)
Black cats can’t catch a break, or find a win

Buccaneers at Bills (-6)
Bills bully Baker

Chargers (-3) at Jaguars
Spotted cats get zapped by Plugs

Bears at Vikings (-2.5)
Norsemen sneak by sleepy Bears

Packers (-7) at Giants
There will be no metamorphosis under Kafka’s leadership.

Bengals at Steelers (-5.5)
Yinzers flatten Flacco

Texans (-6) at Titans
Tex squeezes Tits

Sunday Dinner Time
49ers (-3) at Cardinals
Purrrrdy swallows pretty red birds

Seahawks at Rams (-3)
Horny sheep trample fake sea birds

Ravens (-7.5) at Browns
Scary black birds flush the Browns

Chiefs (-3.5) at Broncos
Chiefs bust Broncos

Sunday Prowl Time
Lions at Eagles (-2.5)
Jungle kings claw out a win in Philly

Monday Prowl Time
Cowboys (-3.5) at Raiders
Ranch hands rustle Raiders

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 10 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on November 7, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

News item: ESPN and Penn Entertainment are ending their sports-betting agreement early after failing to gain significant market share. The sports-media company will instead launch a new multiyear deal with industry leader DraftKings. The early ending for ESPN’s Penn Entertainment venture and ESPN Bet’s inability to gain scale is a sign of the grip DraftKings and FanDuel have on the market. Sports betting has exploded in America, but smaller companies and later entrants have been unable to capture fans’ attention.

We here at The15Net.com know how difficult it can be for the little guy to mix it up with the big boys, so we are offering up our services to Penn in its time of need. Our industry leading brand is a perfect fit for Penn’s deep pockets and poor judgement. We have year round features like the ever popular Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer, the wildly successful Football Cat’s Weekly NFL Picks, the eagerly awaited March Sadness, this summer’s surprise smash hit the Summer Mini-Tournament and a cornucopia of other fabulous rib ticklers and side splitters. How does “The15net Bets” sound to you?

And all for the low low price of only $15 million in cash per year! That’s a tenth of what you were paying ESPN, and no one even has access to that channel anymore. So please reach out to Mr. Steve Bosell, the Managing Editor of The15Net.com, at your earliest convenience (if you can find him).

Thank you for you attention to this matter.

Sunday Frühstück Time
Falcons at Colts (-6.5)
Indianapolis Jones triumphs over those Nazi inspired helmet logos

Sunday Lunch Time
Saints at Panthers (-5.5)
Black cats scare the bejesus out of the Saints

Giants at Bears (-4.5)
Bears send G-men into hibernation

Jaguars (-1.5) at Texans
Spotted cats have a problem in Houston

Bills (-9.5) at Dolphins
Buffalo grills Dolphins

Ravens (-4.5) at Vikings
Scary black birds continue to come back from the dead

Browns (-1.5) at Jets
Browns catch Firesale Ed’s team looking ahead to 2027

Patriots at Buccaneers (-2.5)
It’s no longer Baker Mayfield, it’s Baker ISfield!

Sunday Dinner Time
Cardinals at Seahawks (-6.5)
Fake Seabirds snatch up pretty red birds

Rams (-3) at 49ers
Horny sheep menace Mac

Lions (-7.5) at Commanders
Lions tame Swamp Things

Sunday Prowl Time
Steelers at Chargers (-3)
Bolts can’t penetrate the Men of Steel’s Faraday cage

Monday Prowl Time
Eagles at Packers (-2.5)
American Birds snap up Meat Men

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 5 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on October 2, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Breaking News: Baseball is officially over! Time to take out the air conditioners, put in the storm windows and start raking those pesky leaves. Sounds like a fun weekend of puttering around until Sunday Night Football, but you know what else sounds like fun? Banking goodwill with you significant other! Week 5 has a horrific lineup of games and the weather is supposed to be glorious. There’s no better time than now to break out the official The15 Fall Event Avoidance Generator and topsy turvy that motherf*cker. It’s the perfect opportunity for you, yes YOU, to bite the bullet and invite your loved one to the Foliage Brunch or the Hay Festival or even a trip to the Apple Maze. The Patriots play at 1 o’clock for the next five weeks – think ahead. Remember failing to plan is planning to fail.