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11/04/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on November 4, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*An elegant ballpark feature from a more civilized age.*

Congratulations to the Brewers! Well done. I do feel bad for Dick Vitale and the Rays’ other fan.

Jaylen Brown is like a pick-me girl if the targeted audience was black dudes with Asian cartoons as their profile pics.

How poor and strung out do you have to be to have mismatching plasticware?

Sounds like Henderson might have had the “Foxboro Flu” last weekend.

Hey honey, for Halloween I think I’ll go as that famously flamboyantly gay guy who’s known for exercising, you know as a joke.

Thank you, Veronica Burton, for doing your part in preventing Owen Pence from crowing about Angel Reese.

You never see a white guy named Malik.

You just know Andy Reid and Brett Veach have Henry Ruggs III’s mandatory parole date circled on their calendars.

I’ve never seen Ernest Scared Stupid. I’m fixing that right now.

Finding out for the first time in 2026 that Bruce Springsteen is a liberal has shocked me to my core.

Cakes are coking for Delbert McClinton, Marlene Jobert, Jacques Villeneuve the Elder, Chris Difford, Peter Boynton, Jeff Probst, Ralph Macchio, Michel Therrien, Kool Rock-ski, Petra Verkaik, Eric Karros, Carlos Baerga, Matthew McConaughey, Puff Daddy, Russell Copeland, Orlando Pace, Larry Bigbie, Vince Wilfork, Devin Hester, and Dez Bryant.

Miami needs to be ranked #1 so if Notre Dame beats them ESPN can make the argument that they beat one good team.

I thought Achilles was the face of Achilles injuries.

Joe Mazzulla has never understood the phrase “double-edged sword.” “Aren’t all swords double-edged?” he said.

Zolak made an analogy to that Maye sack to “back when on the Mass Poke they had ticket turnstiles, now you just use the Sun Pass”. What?

I don’t think mastering one thing and then moving on to the next thing is a hallmark of ADHD.

Red Sox just traded the owner of the first cycle in WooSox history.

Can the Pope dunk?

Football is just a very retarded sport to try to capture statistically in so many ways. “Nice 1 yard TD run, loser. Your YPC just took a hit.”

The thing I’ll always remember from Patrick Stewart is him saying that, coming from a Shakespearean background, he was the only one on the set of TNG who knew what to with your hands when you have no pockets: Nothing. Genuinely helpful as an autistic and a trans woman both.

Mayfield had a higher rating than Penix? How is 0-3 for 0 not a 0?

A computer took your job Daddy.

Charlie McAvoy got two separate penalties eight seconds apart. That’s hard to do.

Kaylee Hartung; was her dad a G.I.?

I really enjoy Andrew Catalon. That thing on top of his head, less so.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “She looks bendy, and willing to try stuff.”

NBA Cup Tonight!!!
Said no one ever
Bob Hearts Abishola Energy.

Felger smelling his own jizz seems on pointe.

A Pete Blackburn mention means more to me than it should and yes I am embarrassed writing that.

Imagine double-teaming the DUNE: PART 3 popcorn bucket with your best friend and then never speaking about it again.

I don’t know if modern day Celtics fans can appreciate how important Delonte was to the mid 2000s teams and putting the team into position to get KG and Ray. His “wiyahh hangaahhh” ad for Fox Sports New England is legendary.

Logan Ryan has a sneaky good white guy sounding voice.

Green Line: Due to signal upgrades, there will be no service between North Station & Babcock St (B), Cleveland Circle (C), Kenmore (D), & Heath St (E) Nov 7 – 15. Use buses to Copley/Back Bay. Use Orange Line between Back Bay & North Station.

Fan Duel with The NFL Logo next to It is disgusting. Bert Bell is rolling in his grave. He went To his grave after he Dropped Dead.

Wow, Mut really pussies out talking about Mike Adams.

I feel like it’s been all downhill for Vivek ever since he got Josh’s endorsement.

That AJ Brown trade is looking better and better each day.

The Mrs. is noticing the grocery bills have been increasing outside of inflation. She’s yet to discover the correlation between the money spent and the convoluted recipes she sends me to make on TikTok. Stay tuned.

News Item: Lights is in a poly relationship with Anthony from Smosh.

Feels like the Patriots could have gotten Jared Wilson a helmet cover that is the same color as the regular helmets.

I don’t recall asking for a Temu Tim Burton Ebeneezer Scrooge movie.

Imagine that annoying sports TV guy if he had the mentions of that annoying sports TV girl. Crazy stuff!

He fell down.

The Gilded Age is peak TV and I’m glad it’s back. One of the only shows I will make time to watch as close to “live” as possible.

At my bedside empty pocket,
A foot without a sock.
Your body gets much closer,
I fumble for the clock
Alarmed, by the seduction
I wish that it would stop.

Tempted by the fruit of another.
Tempted, but the truth is discovered.
What’s been going on,
Now that you have gone.
There’s no other,
Tempted by the fruit of another,
Tempted, but the truth is discovered.

Coach Vrabes looks like crap. The mini bye week with his wife must have been fun.

Flo stays in his bag.

Lexington High’s Sal Frelick: World Series champion. Newton South High’s Veronica Burton: WNBA champion. Two kids from Massachusetts who defied the odds. You can do it, too. Believe in yourself.

Honk if you remember Left Shark.

Missing my ex-boyfriend from two boyfriends ago who thought a force to be reckoned with was “a force to be wrecking with” and said it constantly.

Joe Fagnano pronounces his name, “Fan-Yano”?

I would like to see the language in Jaylen’s contract that allows him to go skydiving. I will wait.

Sources: The Patriots will not be in for real on Jonathan Taylor, but if a team that recently lost their MVP caliber QB makes their RB who used to play for Vrabel available, which is possible, keep your eyes peeled.

I would be more interested in Platinum Glove Awards if the winners had to dye their hair platinum.

Had to open the emergency backup ‘Dots, Tootsie Pops & Tootsie Rolls’ bag for the last bunch of trick or treaters.

I got got. Bam did not dress up as A’ja for Halloween. Damn AI.

L.L. Bean boots are dogshit in snow and ice, but people have been psyoped into thinking they need them.

When does analytics revert to the mean?

For three weeks I thought I had anhedonia. Turns out I was just really bored.

Best bet for the weekend: Coors Light and shitty chili.

*A Bruin is a bear. Some bears are brown. Voila!*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. How long has this been going on?

*And happy birthday to (checks notes) reality TV personality and poker player Trishelle Cannatella.*

Football Cat’s Week 8 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on October 29, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

Halloween Jokes to delight your Trick-or-Treaters

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by it’s diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

Why did the Ghost of John Dennis’s go to the bar?

To get some Boos!

Why did zombie Chris Gasper get kicked out of church?

He tried to eat the organ

What is A.J. Brown’s favorite Halloween candy?

Butterfingers

What does Robert Kraft give out for Halloween?

Boo-logna sandwiches

It was either bologna or little blue squares

Sunday Lunch Time
Ravens at Bills (-3.5)
Hairy cows spook scary black birds

Titans at Bengals (-10)
Stripey cats pounce on flopping Tits

Cardinals at Cowboys (-6.5)
Boys BBQ pretty red birds

Vikings at Lions (-2.5)
Jungle Kings dethrone Vi-Kings

Colts at Jaguars (-7.5)
Spotted cats corral colts

Raiders (-1.5) at Jets
Jets keep Raiders below the Mendoza line

Browns at Steelers (-3.5)
Elves yoke Yinzers

He’s making a list and checking it twice, so you know it’s accurate

Falcons at Buccaneers (-1.5)
Penix pumps Baker’s boys

Sunday Dinner Time
Chargers at Rams (-7)
LA wins! (Horny sheep version)

Chiefs (-1.5) at Broncos
Broncos bust Indigenous Peoples

Patriots (-7.5) at Dolphins
Patriots squish the fish

Greatest non-Super Bowl win in franchise history!

Sunday Prowl Time
Eagles at Commanders (-3.5)
Swamp Things make Philly look silly

Monday Prowl Time
Bears at Seahawks (-3)
Fake Seabirds put Bears into early hibernation

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

10/28/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on October 28, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Did Tatum’s PR team advise the Celtics to send the game to OT so he could stat pad?*

Who told Jaylen to handle this situation using his left hand?

Tanner Jeannot is a monster.

Oh, so Michael Felger gets to enjoy watching his hometown team compete for a championship in peace, but that courtesy isn’t reciprocated?

The League ought to reel in all the extravagant Celebrations. It borders on the Ridiculous. Everything is a takeoff on Michael Jackson’s Thriller.

Theory: The darker the helmet color, the gayer the mushroom helmet looks.

Glad I’ve been right about Jaylen Brown for a decade. He did a whole semester at Berkley he’s so smart!!! Guy is a fucking moron. He’s probably dumber than the average NBA guy because at least the rest of ’em know they hit the genetic lottery and leave it at that. Kyrie YouTube University Extension School attendee.

There’s no Crying in Baseball or On Planes.

To my neighbors to the north, is the Calgary tower worth checking out, or just a tourist trap?

“Tatum needs to watch his tone to manage the other guy’s emotions better” makes a lot more sense when you think about Karalis’s personal life.

Al Michaels can barely conceal his disdain for Amazon Prime shows.

If the Colts are having a fire sale, Grover Stewart is the player I’m most interested in.

Dan Orlovsky may be a bit of a dullard.

Cakes are cooking for Jane Alexander, Dennis Franz, Annie Potts, Bill Gates, Stephen Morris, Daphne Zuniga, Kevin Dineen, Lauren Holly, Jamie Gertz, Steve Atwater, Julia Roberts, Ben Harper, Brad Paisley, Terrell Davis, Joaquin Phoenix, Gwendoline Christie, Matt Smith, Finn Wittrock, Frank Ocean, Nolan Gould, and Stephen Nedoroscik.

I don’t think the extra loud cheering when Robinson makes a FT is helpful to him. Stop giving him the retard treatment.

Of course Lucy Burdge thinks Jaylen is handling this just fine, he’s acting like a woman.

Does anybody know if Anthony Edwards got hurt?

Howie Carr looked disgusting–nipples protruding–in his blue shirt before the “Thank You For Voting” sign. Very very disrespectful.

Notre Dame. What a life. Play nobody, lose any time you actually play someone good, stay ranked in the top 5.

Go catch your own cod dummy.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that pays is, “I don’t want to be the face of tearing your fuckin Achilles.”

You know in science fiction movies when they put space explorers in suspended animation so they can survive wicked long travel? I needed that trying to go west on the Mass Pike last night.

‘Lamb chops and gravy’ has some real, ‘the owl has lost his goat!’ energy.

Yo Pacers, let’s not play Kesha’s “Die Young” during the Peyton Manning Children’s Hospital Teddy Bear Toss please and thanks.

Green Line: Due to signal modernization work there will be no service between North Station & Babcock St (B), Kenmore (C+D), & Heath St (E) Oct 31 – Nov 1. Use buses for service to Copley/Back Bay. Use Orange Line between Back Bay & North Station.

Dustin May looks like someone fucked around with the create a player feature.

Yucky bad man Karalis once accused the Celtics of shitting on Heinsohn’s legacy because they got their asses kicked right after he passed away.

Jaylen vs Jayson reminds me of The Office. You just can’t make edgy comedies like that anymore.

I had a busy day once I eventually woke up Laura.

Was there ever a better opening to a Top 40 song than Martha and the Vandellas’ “Heat Wave?”

THEY get to gloat when a Boston team loses an early season game. YOU are overreacting to a tiny sample size when you enjoy an early season win.

Cam Skattebo is an 80s movie character.

The Celtics Post Game Show is longer than Rocky 1,2,3,4,5,6

News Item: Chrishell Stause announces split from G Flip after 4 years.

Cabbage is such an underappreciated vegetable.

I believe Scal. Also #FireScal.

When I look over my shoulder
What do you think I see?
Some other cat lookin’ over
His shoulder at me
And he’s strange
Sure is strange

You got to pick up every stitch
You got to pick up every stitch, yeah
Beatniks are out to make it rich
Oh no, must be the season of the witch
Must be the season of the witch, yeah
Must be the season of the witch.

I was driving a little too fast down Washington Street in Canton, Massachusetts this morning when a police cruiser pulled out of the cemetery being me… I thought I was cooked.

Like we don’t remember all the Chiefs fans divided into two camps; whether Mahomes would beat Brady’s Super Bowl records in eight seasons, or the conservative faction that thought it might take nine.

Treveyon Henderson couldn’t find a hole if he was having sex with Bonnie Blue.

Lucy pulling the I know more because I’m in sports with this topic is right up there with Brie Pirre telling Asante Samuel she gets paid to talk football, therefore she’s right.

Can’t believe there’s an all new Cupertino this Thursday on CBS and Paramount Plus.

Honk if you remember Bobby Orr scoring the final goal of his career on this day in 1978.

I’m baffled by people who retire and keep shitposting on LinkedIn. Like being a soulless corporate husk wasn’t just an act?

Underrated moment is DanO asking McAfee if he knows what it means and he goes “yeah percentile. It’s Greek.”

Jaylen Brown fans talk about him like he’s Dr. Sebi.

I don’t trust a man who says “we’ll circle back” without looking like he’s ever completed a circle.

They should make more Nick Saban commercials.

Best bet for the weekend: three more games to act as a referendum of the Jaylen/Jayson question.

‘SORRY JT, YOU’LL HAVE TO APOLOGIZE LOUDER, I’M PLAYING MY GIANT GOLD CONCERT HARP.’

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you. Spooky.

*And happy birthday to American actress/singer/model Lola Tung.*

Football Cat’s Week 5 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on October 8, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

From the home office in Shedd Park…

Drake Maye’s Top 5 Conspiracy Theories:
5. Fumbles aren’t real
4. Chemtrails are creating atmospheric disturbances which are increasing the number of interceptions
3. Prolonged exposure to the electromagnetic field emanating from Robert Kraft’s surveillance bunker is weakening the soft tissue of the players
2. The real Bill Belichick is being held captive in the lighthouse while his clone is out damaging his legacy
1. Fluoridation caused Mike Vrabel to have a six year affair with Dianna Russini

I do not avoid women, Drake, but I do deny them my essence

Sunday Breakfast Time
Eagles at Jaguars (-4.5)
Spotted cats enjoy a win over a spot of tea

Sunday Lunch Time
Bengals (-7.5) at Dolphins
Stripey cats feast on fish

Vikings (-1.5) at Saints
Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints? Dey be the Vikings.

Raiders at Patriots (-3.5)
Birds may not be real, but Drake Maye IS!

Browns at Jets (-2.5)
Brown out shuts down New York

Texans (-6.5) at Titans
Texans top Tits

Colts at Steelers (-2.5)
Yinzy over Indy

Giants at Commanders (-3)
Greek Giant skins Washington

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos (-3.5) at Chargers
Bolts shock Broncos

Lions (-5.5) at Cardinals
Jungle Kings devour pretty red birds

Bears (-2.5) at Packers
Meatmen grind out a win

49ers at Seahawks (-3)
Fake Seabirds soar as Purrdy slumps in the perpetual rain of Seattle

Wet gray cat sitting beneath a sidewalk awning on a rainy city street — Yet another miserable rainy day in Seattle

Sunday Prowl Time
Ravens (-3.5) at Falcons
Penix slaps the Scary Black Birds

Monday Prowl Time
Bills at Rams (-2.5)
Horny Sheep clip Hairy Cows

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

09/30/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 30, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

When Austin Wells drove in George Lombard, I said to myself, ‘Self; the Red Sox aren’t going to lose this game 1-0.’ And I was right!

Drake Maye has the grip strength of Stephen Hawking.

All lists are inherently awful.

Here’s hoping the Patriots follow the Bruins lead and beat the team from New York Sunday.

Pedro doesn’t age. The new Bobby Orr.

‘Angry Bill’ died? Like, recently, not ten years ago? RIP.

Why didn’t the umpire tell Verlander’s daughter to get the hell off the field?

I miss AJ’s gravity. That shit was real, bro.

Cakes are cooking for Angie Dickinson, Johnny Mathis, Marilyn McCoo, Victoria Tennant, Catie Ball, John Lombardo, Barry Williams, Fran Drescher, Marty Stuart, Crystal Bernard, Eric Stoltz, Trey Anastasio, Kathleen Madigan, Tony Hale, Jenna Elfman, Carlos Guillén, Marion Cotillard, Candice Michelle, Martina Hingis, Dominique Moceanu, Kieran Culkin, Lacey Chabert, T-Pain, Mary Paoletti Brown, Max Verstappen, and Maddie Ziegler.

Pro tip: Don’t post an old picture of yourself posing with a ‘Saved By the Bell’ actor. It doesn’t end well.

Roman Anthony is made of precious antique Murano glass.

Crockpot bags are the greatest invention.

Peyton Tolle is on the right side of being a weirdo, Triston Casas is on the wrong side.

Like boxing, styles make WNBA playoff series.

Love how they air the Protect College Sports Act ads like we get a chance to vote on it.

The Good Kid will make a great captain.

Green Line: Due to signal modernization work there is no service between North Station & Babcock St (B), Kenmore (C+D), & Heath St (E) through October 4. Use buses for service to Copley/Back Bay. Use Orange Line between Back Bay & North Station.

Bobby Manning always sounds like he just huffed a canister of computer duster.

That Madden trailer looks like a parody.

I’ve got Laura Rutledge bot looking accounts following me now on Instagram.

Fine, I’ll say it. The Brazilian national anthem stinks.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Sex is great, but have you ever worn a sweatshirt?”

News Item: Bruins concession souvenirs this year include ice cream in goalie masks and draft beer in a hockey glove mug.

Zolak should check his tone. The only QB with worse ball security than Maye is his kid.

John Schreiber being on the Yankees playoff roster against the Red Sox isn’t something you can ever truly prepare for.

Hasselbeck doesn’t look so good. Hope he’s well.

Watched FLEABAG on Prime. Six 1/2 hour eps. Funny, raunchy, something very different. I dug it.

How is there no video of the Section 10 block party after the grand slam?

Andy Reid shouldn’t be in a commercial where they say ‘We’re a family again.’

John Mulaney is just Bowen Yang for bros. One note.

The thing that drives me nuts with Drake Maye is all these cvnts second guessed every decision made by Belichick, they lost their mind over every bad play out of Brady, Gronk, Gilmore or any other star. But Maye can suck for weeks on end and we’re doing fucking Zapruder film shit to prove it definitely wasn’t Drake’s fault!!

And while we’re at it, yeah, I’m this miserable in real life, Dan. I work for a fucking living and spend my off day walking the dog in the downpour, cleaning my basement, watching an abortion of a football game, and cooking a delicious goddamn dinner. I don’t post 9 photo grids online for a couple cents from Elon while mooching off my wife’s salary and acting like I’m better than everyone else for it.

Well, you’re windy and wild
You got the blues in your shoes and your stockings

You’re windy and wild, oh, yeah
Well, you’re built like a car
You got a hub cap diamond star halo
You’re dirty, sweet, and you’re my girl

Get it on, bang a gong, get it on
Get it on, bang a gong, get it on (ooh, yeah)

Once worked with a person who withdrew from their 401k with penalty to buy gold to bury in their backyard.

I just hope the open of tonight’s Red Sox Yankees game focuses on the ‘Curse of the Bambino.’

Nicholas Batum just concluded an 18-year NBA career without ever attracting much attention. But 18 years means someone always wanted you around. Au revoir, Monseiur.

Drake made it sound like the football was disgorged from an elevator at The Overlook Hotel.

Northampton is just one of many cities/towns in Western MA. They don’t rep 413.

There are more people alive today that have seen first-run episodes of The Ernie Kovacs Show than have watched Fleabag.

Kristaps Porzingis is out indefinitely to open training camp with a health issue, per Warriors. Another immediate blow to GSW’s depth.

Get up, walk the dog, turn the computer on and all of a sudden it’s dinner time.

Is UMass a wagon??

The Sullivans want to know why a nor’easter couldn’t have necessitated the cancelation of The Jackson’s Victory Tour in its entirety.

Celtics haven’t had a captain since Rondo in 2014.

As God as my witness, when it was reported 946 could add a member, I was going to post it should be Jaida Parker. I never got around to it. Either way, she fits perfectly. Raw’s hitting its stride, focusing on younger/fresher talent!

Honk if you remember ‘Good Morning, Miss Bliss’.

I feel like Dak Prescott always looks awesome, until he doesn’t. A perfect Tony Romo replacement.

You don’t hit your macros by taking care of a screaming kid.

It takes me a good three games of playoff baseball to get a read on each network’s scorebug.

“Human services coordinator” sounds like what a hooker would put on a LinkedIn page.

Has Coach Vrabes considered renting out a movie theater and showing the team The Program?

It makes me smile that Lucky gets his own Media Day photos.

Best bet for the weekend: buses traveling to Buffalo.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Well it’s plain to see you were meant for me. And I’m your toy, your 20th century boy.

*And Happy Birthday to sturdy Italian model & Actress Monica Bellucci.*

Beat Football Cat! (2026 Week 3)

Posted on September 25, 2026 by TheIntern15 Leave a comment

Can YOU pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes! But so far, the best anyone has done is eked out a tie! Insufficient!

How to play? Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win your choice of either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack, a $25 Ninety Nine Restaurant Gift Card, or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket, Big Y, Shaw’s, or Stop & Shop! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)

(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)

Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:

Chargers at Bills

Panthers at Browns

Texans at Colts

Jets at Lions

Patriots at Jaguars

Chiefs at Dolphins

Titans at Giants

Bengals at Steelers

Seahawks at Commanders

Cardinals at 49ers

Vikings at Buccaneers

Raiders at Saints

Ravens at Cowboys

Rams at Broncos

Eagles at Bears (Tiebreaker – total points scored)

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) or, if that isn’t how you roll, post them on the Twitter and our autumnal group of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

And good luck to all our contestants!

It’s like I’m in *Blade Runner*, or Wobey Mike’s idea of Seattle.

Beat Football Cat! (2026 Week 2)

Posted on September 18, 2026 by TheIntern15 One comment

Can YOU pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!

Fun! Prizes!

(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)

Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:

Panthers at Falcons

Vikings at Bears

Bengals at Texans

Steelers at Patriots

Packers at Jets

Eagles at Titans

Saints at Ravens

Browns at Buccaneers

Jaguars at Broncos

Raiders at Chargers

Seahawks at Cardinals

Commanders at Cowboys

Dolphins at 49ers

Colts at Chiefs

Giants at Rams (Tiebreaker – total points scored)

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) or, if that isn’t the way of your people, post them on the Twitter and our swell new batch of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

And good luck to all our contestants!

The cat is putting in the work, are you?

09/10/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 10, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Drew Lock outduels Brain Lock.

Well, at least Revolution salvaged a win for the region tonight!

Is Ed Hand Hogdale’s conservator?

Imagine the first thing you think of after the Gonzalez signing is Dave Brown?

Doug Eddings didn’t like the tilt of Western Michigan’s helmets and gave Michigan another play.

We’re all poorer for not hearing Jerry Remy say “Mickey Gaspah.”

I guess Pablo found out…

It’s nice that they have a football game to support this Microsoft Tablet promotion.

Who could have forseen the Michael Lombardi implosion coming?

Cakes are coking for Artie Tripp, Danny Hutton, José Feliciano, Larry Nelson, Barriemore Barlow, Bill O’Reilly, Don Muraco, Don Powell, Joe Perry, Gary Danielson, Amy Irving, Pat Mastelotto, Johnny Hickman, Carol Decker, Chris Coloumbus, Colin Firth, Randy Johnson, Joe Nieuwendyk, Robin Goodridge, Big Daddy Kane, Guy Ritchie, Ben Wallace, Ryan Phillippe, Timothy Goebel, Misty Copeland, Joey Votto, Matthew Followill, Ashley Monroe, Coco Rocha, Jordan Staal, and Brooke Henderson.

Nancy Grace is a great American.

If it’s not a Super Bowl, it’s not a Super Bowl rematch.

Nick Wright is what Gorilla Monsoon once famously said..the fountain of misinformation.

Ms. Rachel can hoop, Oh HELL YEAH!

Hey gang that’s got spirit, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “They all have great jobs they just sling cvnt for the love of the game.”

I hope El Prez doesn’t have to shutter the Chicago Office as a cost cutting measure after the Rutgers bet debacle.

Fun Australia Fact: All the koalas have chlamydia.

Sorry, but I ain’t getting in a driverless automobile of any kind. I don’t trust it.

Jason Kelce’s TV is mounted too high.

Maybe they should call her ‘Ben Shelton’s girlfriend’ instead of ‘Dennis Rodman’s daughter.’ Would that be better, ladies?

Map out your route during the Orange Line diversion between Forest Hills and Back Bay. On September 10-14, use alternate transit: Free shuttle buses, free Commuter Rail trains between Forest Hills, Ruggles, Back Bay, and South Station.

That Van Natta article about no wrongdoing being found seems to have been really accurate.

Patriots will rebound when they’re back home, with the welcoming lighthouse and the blank wall where the Jerod Mayo mural used to be.

A 20 piece McNugget is $7 right now.

If baseball wasn’t at minimum, occasionally boring the Savannah Bananas wouldn’t be a thing.

The puffy helmet looks extra gay when you suck.

Buddy, what’s up with those bobo batteries? No wonder why they’re all dead as Dillinger. When it comes to batteries, you gotta go Duracell, or Energizer. Only two options.

Just a reminder that UNC plays East Tennessee State on Saturday afternoon, in case you’re looking for some REAL football.

Imagine watching Nancy Grace on TV in 2026?

Clips could have gotten away with the whole thing if Kawhi just took a picture next to a tree.

The Farmer’s Dog has been named the NFL’s first official Pet Food Partner. The multi-year partnership kicks off with a campaign starring Giants RB Cam Skattebo and his senior rescue dog, Duke.

That wasn’t very abercrombie of Drake Maye.

Eddie Andelman would have loved this 7’3” Chinese chick. She’s the basketball equivalent of a sumo hockey goalie.

Flailing Flemming finally forces Finn fingerwag.

As a running back would you rather be a bell cow or a work horse?

Go. Go U. Go UMass. Go UMass!

Excited to watch Frusen Glädjé prove he deserves the 50-million-dollar contract extension.

My day literally consists of editing my Patriots hype video, continuing my “Patriots as Comic Book Characters” blog, pretending to check my work email, repeat.

They send you to rehab to get cured off of the edibles?

I don’t think I’ve ever seen fog like this before…

Want some whiskey in your water?
Sugar in your tea?
What’s all these crazy questions
You’re askin’ me?
This is the craziest party
That could ever be
Don’t turn on the lights
‘Cause I don’t wanna see

Mama told me not to come, oh Lord
Mama told me not to come
She said, “That ain’t the way to have fun, No.”

A plastic container of spices loses 17% of its flavor when it crosses state lines.

‘Pallet fort’ in French is ‘fort de palette.’

Fantastic. Wish you the best. You will have a suit on your door when AI opens up your info. We will have fun then!

Cover screws have torque specs?

We lost Danny Gans way too soon. Incredible talent.

Mut put out a video that he thought a horse Portnoy owns had a great shot of winning its race at Saratoga and the nag came in eighth place. Incredible.

Another big goal for Capi!

I thought the whole point of having chicks on the college recruiting staff was so they’d have sex with the recruits?

Honk if you remember Carling Black Label.

Luckily Brown’s not injury prone and hasn’t had high ankle sprains last all season long before in Tennessee or anything.

Dawn Light makes the all-Synonym Team.

The NBA Cup winner should get the forfeited Clippers picks.

What does Jerry Thornton do for Barstool now anyways? Is he their correspondent to the Vatican?

You go out there and show that hyboid cancer who’s boss Marc Bertrand!

Walpole Joe Morgan. Lunchpail guy and manager of these nine. Magic. He will be dearly missed.

Best bet for the weekend: Eagles over Scarlet Knights out to Chestnut Hill.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, Marlee Wierda, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Shalise Manza Young. Shalise Manza Young. Shalise Manza Young, went to the baño; what have they done?

The 2026 Labor Day Weekend Playlist

Posted on September 3, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

(Dear The15net dot com Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is the musical playlist for your Labor Day weekend enjoyment. In the car, at the beach, by the lake, or just at home. Assorted Songs of Work and Toil, Songs of Celebration & Songs of Summer’s Departing. Click HERE to download.)

You Can’t Sideload Happiness – 4 Tabs Tiled

Pineapple Upside Down Cake – Muddle of Pudd

Catfishing Toes – MegO Rapscallian

Seersucker Sal (Done Got Killed by His Gal) – Turkeypie Jefferson

Feels – Fat Human Coinstar

It’s Raining Lies – The Drought Doubters

A Shitbird’s Lament – Pat McAfee

You Can Leave Your Tarp On – Joe Cocker

Love – Jaren Dolers

Who Won? We WON – Clamcastic Fantastic

Fictitious Fish – Jethro Trull (with Fictional Friction)

Crazy Baker Lady (gluten free mix)- Deadmau5

Someone’s in Sedona with Dianna – Mick Gindaloon & His Dumb Polacks

My Ever Changing Moods – Marion Council

Strange Fruit – Upton Bellie Holiday

Blitz, JC, The Barber, & Johnny V – They Might Be Giants

Unfunny Man – Emerson Lotzia & Palmer

Where Have All the Traffic Cones Gone? – MassDOT Highway Division Special Projects Chorus

My Best Friend Dan Lifshatz – Known Cunt

3 to 5 – Joshy Parton

Heading for a Fall – The Michael Hollies

Take Em Out (Miss Porter’s Mix) – Franz Onlyfans

Slur – Tears for Rears

Makin’ Mercury Grand Marquises – Ron Catamount Muskmelon

(Don’t Go Back to) Nashua – J.R.M.

Where Did I Say I Was A Fortunate Son? – Steve Steve R

Pictures Of Butchie – The Murphs

Data Center Outage Blues – Norton Adams & The State Collegians (Live)

Paprika Caravan – Martin Denny

Big Jeff From Work – Wamesit Lanes Men’s Glee Club

Union Sundowning – Bob Ryan

Birth, School, ???, Death – Gillfathers

Something’s Fishy – The Aggrieved White Clam Exercise Band

Drivelinin’ – Robert Parker

Have a Job Do a Job Work a Job Give a Job – The Middsy 5

Uncrustable in Paradise – Marvelous Mike

Take This Job and Rat Shovel It – Brawny Paycheck

That’s What I Want – Lil Nas BHL

Amor y Control – Ruben Blades

No Work and All Play – Living in a Van Marion

Don’t Talk to Me About Work (Unless it’s During a Strike) – Lou Merloni

You’re Next – Happy Warriors Cancellation Brigade

Vacation – We All Wish Kendra Would Go-Go

We’re Going to Be Friends – Marvelous Mike and the Fudge Stripes

Free Fallin’ – Michael Holley, Michael Holley!

Love Photo No. 9 (in the grid) – Dan Kelley Sports

The Hot Dog Rollers Won’t Fix Themselves – First Aid Kit (feat. Yngwie Malmsteen)

Pictures of Sal – The Milk Carton Kids

Main Theme to ‘The Fat Guy & The AI P.I.’ -The CBS Procedural Orchestra

Unsafety Dance – Men Without Shame

(Have a song suggestion? Or a compliment? Leave it in the comments! Or just reply on Twitter, I guess.)

08/26/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on August 25, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Being really into baseball feels closer to being into trains or military history than it does following other sports. That’s not a judgement but an observation.

I think I’d rather be found in the actual ‘Palestine’ instead of a trailer park in East Palestine, Ohio.

Rear Admiral is like an alien from Men in Black trying to blend into society as a real person.

The Saugus Rocket with a worse takeoff than the Space Shuttle Challenger.

You would assume an MLB team owner would be more Hanukkah Steinberg than Kwanza Jones.

I’m sorry to say this because she seems like a lovely person but Mary Steenburgen’s voice goes right through me.

Roman is almost Nomar spelled backwards.

The local media was visibly disappointed there were no fights during the Pats/Eagles joint practice.

Sam Malone’s character was inspired by B’s Derek Sanderson – a charismatic athlete who hung around Boston bars in the ’70s and developed a drinking problem which derailed his career.

The only way Jerry Thornton could love Sophie Cunningham more is if she seduced a 14-year old boy.

Barn coat sales must spike every two years right before they start filming political ads.

Boutte had a lot of big catches. Big Boutte.

Cakes are cooking for Moe Tucker, Valerie Simpson, Bob Cowsill, Billy Rush, John Kinsella, Branford Marsalis, Ola Ray, Chris Burke, Dan Vickrey, Shirley Manson, Myron Guyton, Adrian Young, Drew Hester, Elaine Irwin, Melissa Mccarthy, Tyler Connolly, Carey Tally, Patrick Kennedy, Jamal Lewis, Chris Pine, Macaulay Culkin, Birdie Kim, John Mulaney, David Price, Wayne Simmonds, James Harden, and Keke Palmer.

If I was a billionaire NFL Owner, you’d never have to worry about me being in the news for soliciting prostitutes or going to a rub and tug. I’d be too busy just loving life owning an NFL team and wanting to win Super Bowls. Just saying lol

Lay off the naturals lady.

Have you seen any crazy hummus dip patterns lately?

Random but I love that theres just been a group of birds hanging out in left field all day. Eli White might be a Disney Princess in disguise.

Blue Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a maintenance train inspecting the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Not to be misogynistic but women are idiots.

We live in a world where I have to see Tyler Milliken half naked. I’ve see that fat bitches tits more times in 6 months than Ive seen my wifes.. in fairness to Tyler, he looks like he’d understand what a love tap to the eye means after dinner.

Little League World Series dads in the stands wearing arm sleeves is why they hate us.

Eli White is Jewish Dave Roberts.

If Klay Thompson in 2000 2627 is part of your big 3, then your 3 is not big at all.

The Red Sox have gone from 14 games under .500 to 14 games over .500 in 62 days, the second-shortest such turnaround in MLB history (Elias Sports Bureau). The Red Sox are also the first team in MLB history to get to extra innings by way of two Mickey Gasper solo homers and a fastball hitting an umpire squarely in the face (Hurley Sports Bureau).

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson.

Hey gang, this Week’s Phrase that Pays is, “What a strange reply. But yeah, you do you too.”

Cedanne cannot be trusted to challenge pitches.

Why didn’t Michael Holley think of that move when he was stuck co-hosting with Mike Salk?

It would really stick it to the patriarchy if Sara Civ were to dump them out.

An MBTA Orange Line shuttle bus that was supposed to take passengers to North Station accidentally drove them to Stoneham instead Thursday morning. The driver is no longer working the shuttle service. It happened on Day 1 of the 11-day Orange Line shutdown.

News Item: WNBA team reveals new queer turtle mascot to taunt Indiana Fever star Sophie Cunningham. Okay.

Paul Perillo is actually starting to look like the animated Bob’s Discount Furniture guy.

I got a ton of respect for Marcus Freeman. A Jim Tressel Buckeye if there ever was one.

Mario Hilario blowing Liberace isn’t as gay as the Sox outfield gayball celebration dance. Which is gay.

They left poor Lucy alone with Matt McCarthy on Boston Has Entered the Chat.

Want to hear something funny? I just dreamed I saw Mickey Gasper it a 414-foot homer to dead center!

A fan in a Luka Dončić jersey threw a green object on the court while the Sparks and Dream were lined up at the free-throw line. The object was covered up with a towel and the fan was chased onto the concourse by security.

Islands in the stream
That is what we are
No one in-between
How can we be wrong?
Sail away with me
To another world
And we rely on each other, ah-ha
From one lover to another, ah-ha

Gresh keeps hot sauce in his purse? Who does he think he is, Hillary Clinton?

Honk if you remember living in a world where Mr. Don LaFontaine did the movie trailer voiceovers.

Fun fact: Dolly Parton wrote the songs ‘Jolene’ and ‘I Will Always Love You’ on the same day. But do you know who she wrote that second song about? You guessed it: Frank Stallone.

Middlebrooks having to gently contradict Flemming about 500 times a night is great radio.

Steve Buckley spends the year between the Oldtime Baseball Games sniffing the game-worn flannel uniforms.

A Cameo pep talk from someone who randomly cries over nothing? Where do I send my money?

Patriots did Celtics fans a solid by bringing a new Jaylen to town.

“Cash Considerations” would kinda be a perfect name for a Brian Cashman podcast.

Looking forward to the Celtics-76ers joint practices.

Kenni dresses like Sally O’Malley.

I am ready to go full Mensa Matt when they just hand Story his job back..pal.

The one damn time all the 350+ lb guys at Barstool HQ could be put to good use and not one of them to be found.

Best bet for the weekend: The Storrowings before ‘Allston Christmas.’

*(In reality, the Oldtime Game uniforms are returned to storage by Royal White Laundry of Somerville.)*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Michael NMI Hurley, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I hope life treats you kind.

*Dolly Parton was a national treasure. She will be missed. RIP, nice lady.*

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