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09/10/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 10, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Drew Lock outduels Brain Lock.

Well, at least Revolution salvaged a win for the region tonight!

Is Ed Hand Hogdale’s conservator?

Imagine the first thing you think of after the Gonzalez signing is Dave Brown?

Doug Eddings didn’t like the tilt of Western Michigan’s helmets and gave Michigan another play.

We’re all poorer for not hearing Jerry Remy say “Mickey Gaspah.”

I guess Pablo found out…

It’s nice that they have a football game to support this Microsoft Tablet promotion.

Who could have forseen the Michael Lombardi implosion coming?

Cakes are coking for Artie Tripp, Danny Hutton, José Feliciano, Larry Nelson, Barriemore Barlow, Bill O’Reilly, Don Muraco, Don Powell, Joe Perry, Gary Danielson, Amy Irving, Pat Mastelotto, Johnny Hickman, Carol Decker, Chris Coloumbus, Colin Firth, Randy Johnson, Joe Nieuwendyk, Robin Goodridge, Big Daddy Kane, Guy Ritchie, Ben Wallace, Ryan Phillippe, Timothy Goebel, Misty Copeland, Joey Votto, Matthew Followill, Ashley Monroe, Coco Rocha, Jordan Staal, and Brooke Henderson.

Nancy Grace is a great American.

If it’s not a Super Bowl, it’s not a Super Bowl rematch.

Nick Wright is what Gorilla Monsoon once famously said..the fountain of misinformation.

Ms. Rachel can hoop, Oh HELL YEAH!

Hey gang that’s got spirit, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “They all have great jobs they just sling cvnt for the love of the game.”

I hope El Prez doesn’t have to shutter the Chicago Office as a cost cutting measure after the Rutgers bet debacle.

Fun Australia Fact: All the koalas have chlamydia.

Sorry, but I ain’t getting in a driverless automobile of any kind. I don’t trust it.

Jason Kelce’s TV is mounted too high.

Maybe they should call her ‘Ben Shelton’s girlfriend’ instead of ‘Dennis Rodman’s daughter.’ Would that be better, ladies?

Map out your route during the Orange Line diversion between Forest Hills and Back Bay. On September 10-14, use alternate transit: Free shuttle buses, free Commuter Rail trains between Forest Hills, Ruggles, Back Bay, and South Station.

That Van Natta article about no wrongdoing being found seems to have been really accurate.

Patriots will rebound when they’re back home, with the welcoming lighthouse and the blank wall where the Jerod Mayo mural used to be.

A 20 piece McNugget is $7 right now.

If baseball wasn’t at minimum, occasionally boring the Savannah Bananas wouldn’t be a thing.

The puffy helmet looks extra gay when you suck.

Buddy, what’s up with those bobo batteries? No wonder why they’re all dead as Dillinger. When it comes to batteries, you gotta go Duracell, or Energizer. Only two options.

Just a reminder that UNC plays East Tennessee State on Saturday afternoon, in case you’re looking for some REAL football.

Imagine watching Nancy Grace on TV in 2026?

Clips could have gotten away with the whole thing if Kawhi just took a picture next to a tree.

The Farmer’s Dog has been named the NFL’s first official Pet Food Partner. The multi-year partnership kicks off with a campaign starring Giants RB Cam Skattebo and his senior rescue dog, Duke.

That wasn’t very abercrombie of Drake Maye.

Eddie Andelman would have loved this 7’3” Chinese chick. She’s the basketball equivalent of a sumo hockey goalie.

Flailing Flemming finally forces Finn fingerwag.

As a running back would you rather be a bell cow or a work horse?

Go. Go U. Go UMass. Go UMass!

Excited to watch Frusen Glädjé prove he deserves the 50-million-dollar contract extension.

My day literally consists of editing my Patriots hype video, continuing my “Patriots as Comic Book Characters” blog, pretending to check my work email, repeat.

They send you to rehab to get cured off of the edibles?

I don’t think I’ve ever seen fog like this before…

Want some whiskey in your water?
Sugar in your tea?
What’s all these crazy questions
You’re askin’ me?
This is the craziest party
That could ever be
Don’t turn on the lights
‘Cause I don’t wanna see

Mama told me not to come, oh Lord
Mama told me not to come
She said, “That ain’t the way to have fun, No.”

A plastic container of spices loses 17% of its flavor when it crosses state lines.

‘Pallet fort’ in French is ‘fort de palette.’

Fantastic. Wish you the best. You will have a suit on your door when AI opens up your info. We will have fun then!

Cover screws have torque specs?

We lost Danny Gans way too soon. Incredible talent.

Mut put out a video that he thought a horse Portnoy owns had a great shot of winning its race at Saratoga and the nag came in eighth place. Incredible.

Another big goal for Capi!

I thought the whole point of having chicks on the college recruiting staff was so they’d have sex with the recruits?

Honk if you remember Carling Black Label.

Luckily Brown’s not injury prone and hasn’t had high ankle sprains last all season long before in Tennessee or anything.

Dawn Light makes the all-Synonym Team.

The NBA Cup winner should get the forfeited Clippers picks.

What does Jerry Thornton do for Barstool now anyways? Is he their correspondent to the Vatican?

You go out there and show that hyboid cancer who’s boss Marc Bertrand!

Walpole Joe Morgan. Lunchpail guy and manager of these nine. Magic. He will be dearly missed.

Best bet for the weekend: Eagles over Scarlet Knights out to Chestnut Hill.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Matt Vautour, Marlee Wierda, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Shalise Manza Young. Shalise Manza Young. Shalise Manza Young, went to the baño; what have they done?

The 2026 Labor Day Weekend Playlist

Posted on September 3, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

(Dear The15net dot com Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is the musical playlist for your Labor Day weekend enjoyment. In the car, at the beach, by the lake, or just at home. Assorted Songs of Work and Toil, Songs of Celebration & Songs of Summer’s Departing. Click HERE to download.)

You Can’t Sideload Happiness – 4 Tabs Tiled

Pineapple Upside Down Cake – Muddle of Pudd

Catfishing Toes – MegO Rapscallian

Seersucker Sal (Done Got Killed by His Gal) – Turkeypie Jefferson

Feels – Fat Human Coinstar

It’s Raining Lies – The Drought Doubters

A Shitbird’s Lament – Pat McAfee

You Can Leave Your Tarp On – Joe Cocker

Love – Jaren Dolers

Who Won? We WON – Clamcastic Fantastic

Fictitious Fish – Jethro Trull (with Fictional Friction)

Crazy Baker Lady (gluten free mix)- Deadmau5

Someone’s in Sedona with Dianna – Mick Gindaloon & His Dumb Polacks

My Ever Changing Moods – Marion Council

Strange Fruit – Upton Bellie Holiday

Blitz, JC, The Barber, & Johnny V – They Might Be Giants

Unfunny Man – Emerson Lotzia & Palmer

Where Have All the Traffic Cones Gone? – MassDOT Highway Division Special Projects Chorus

My Best Friend Dan Lifshatz – Known Cunt

3 to 5 – Joshy Parton

Heading for a Fall – The Michael Hollies

Take Em Out (Miss Porter’s Mix) – Franz Onlyfans

Slur – Tears for Rears

Makin’ Mercury Grand Marquises – Ron Catamount Muskmelon

(Don’t Go Back to) Nashua – J.R.M.

Where Did I Say I Was A Fortunate Son? – Steve Steve R

Pictures Of Butchie – The Murphs

Data Center Outage Blues – Norton Adams & The State Collegians (Live)

Paprika Caravan – Martin Denny

Big Jeff From Work – Wamesit Lanes Men’s Glee Club

Union Sundowning – Bob Ryan

Birth, School, ???, Death – Gillfathers

Something’s Fishy – The Aggrieved White Clam Exercise Band

Drivelinin’ – Robert Parker

Have a Job Do a Job Work a Job Give a Job – The Middsy 5

Uncrustable in Paradise – Marvelous Mike

Take This Job and Rat Shovel It – Brawny Paycheck

That’s What I Want – Lil Nas BHL

Amor y Control – Ruben Blades

No Work and All Play – Living in a Van Marion

Don’t Talk to Me About Work (Unless it’s During a Strike) – Lou Merloni

You’re Next – Happy Warriors Cancellation Brigade

Vacation – We All Wish Kendra Would Go-Go

We’re Going to Be Friends – Marvelous Mike and the Fudge Stripes

Free Fallin’ – Michael Holley, Michael Holley!

Love Photo No. 9 (in the grid) – Dan Kelley Sports

The Hot Dog Rollers Won’t Fix Themselves – First Aid Kit (feat. Yngwie Malmsteen)

Pictures of Sal – The Milk Carton Kids

Main Theme to ‘The Fat Guy & The AI P.I.’ -The CBS Procedural Orchestra

Unsafety Dance – Men Without Shame

(Have a song suggestion? Or a compliment? Leave it in the comments! Or just reply on Twitter, I guess.)

08/26/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on August 25, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Being really into baseball feels closer to being into trains or military history than it does following other sports. That’s not a judgement but an observation.

I think I’d rather be found in the actual ‘Palestine’ instead of a trailer park in East Palestine, Ohio.

Rear Admiral is like an alien from Men in Black trying to blend into society as a real person.

The Saugus Rocket with a worse takeoff than the Space Shuttle Challenger.

You would assume an MLB team owner would be more Hanukkah Steinberg than Kwanza Jones.

I’m sorry to say this because she seems like a lovely person but Mary Steenburgen’s voice goes right through me.

Roman is almost Nomar spelled backwards.

The local media was visibly disappointed there were no fights during the Pats/Eagles joint practice.

Sam Malone’s character was inspired by B’s Derek Sanderson – a charismatic athlete who hung around Boston bars in the ’70s and developed a drinking problem which derailed his career.

The only way Jerry Thornton could love Sophie Cunningham more is if she seduced a 14-year old boy.

Barn coat sales must spike every two years right before they start filming political ads.

Boutte had a lot of big catches. Big Boutte.

Cakes are cooking for Moe Tucker, Valerie Simpson, Bob Cowsill, Billy Rush, John Kinsella, Branford Marsalis, Ola Ray, Chris Burke, Dan Vickrey, Shirley Manson, Myron Guyton, Adrian Young, Drew Hester, Elaine Irwin, Melissa Mccarthy, Tyler Connolly, Carey Tally, Patrick Kennedy, Jamal Lewis, Chris Pine, Macaulay Culkin, Birdie Kim, John Mulaney, David Price, Wayne Simmonds, James Harden, and Keke Palmer.

If I was a billionaire NFL Owner, you’d never have to worry about me being in the news for soliciting prostitutes or going to a rub and tug. I’d be too busy just loving life owning an NFL team and wanting to win Super Bowls. Just saying lol

Lay off the naturals lady.

Have you seen any crazy hummus dip patterns lately?

Random but I love that theres just been a group of birds hanging out in left field all day. Eli White might be a Disney Princess in disguise.

Blue Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a maintenance train inspecting the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Not to be misogynistic but women are idiots.

We live in a world where I have to see Tyler Milliken half naked. I’ve see that fat bitches tits more times in 6 months than Ive seen my wifes.. in fairness to Tyler, he looks like he’d understand what a love tap to the eye means after dinner.

Little League World Series dads in the stands wearing arm sleeves is why they hate us.

Eli White is Jewish Dave Roberts.

If Klay Thompson in 2000 2627 is part of your big 3, then your 3 is not big at all.

The Red Sox have gone from 14 games under .500 to 14 games over .500 in 62 days, the second-shortest such turnaround in MLB history (Elias Sports Bureau). The Red Sox are also the first team in MLB history to get to extra innings by way of two Mickey Gasper solo homers and a fastball hitting an umpire squarely in the face (Hurley Sports Bureau).

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson.

Hey gang, this Week’s Phrase that Pays is, “What a strange reply. But yeah, you do you too.”

Cedanne cannot be trusted to challenge pitches.

Why didn’t Michael Holley think of that move when he was stuck co-hosting with Mike Salk?

It would really stick it to the patriarchy if Sara Civ were to dump them out.

An MBTA Orange Line shuttle bus that was supposed to take passengers to North Station accidentally drove them to Stoneham instead Thursday morning. The driver is no longer working the shuttle service. It happened on Day 1 of the 11-day Orange Line shutdown.

News Item: WNBA team reveals new queer turtle mascot to taunt Indiana Fever star Sophie Cunningham. Okay.

Paul Perillo is actually starting to look like the animated Bob’s Discount Furniture guy.

I got a ton of respect for Marcus Freeman. A Jim Tressel Buckeye if there ever was one.

Mario Hilario blowing Liberace isn’t as gay as the Sox outfield gayball celebration dance. Which is gay.

They left poor Lucy alone with Matt McCarthy on Boston Has Entered the Chat.

Want to hear something funny? I just dreamed I saw Mickey Gasper it a 414-foot homer to dead center!

A fan in a Luka Dončić jersey threw a green object on the court while the Sparks and Dream were lined up at the free-throw line. The object was covered up with a towel and the fan was chased onto the concourse by security.

Islands in the stream
That is what we are
No one in-between
How can we be wrong?
Sail away with me
To another world
And we rely on each other, ah-ha
From one lover to another, ah-ha

Gresh keeps hot sauce in his purse? Who does he think he is, Hillary Clinton?

Honk if you remember living in a world where Mr. Don LaFontaine did the movie trailer voiceovers.

Fun fact: Dolly Parton wrote the songs ‘Jolene’ and ‘I Will Always Love You’ on the same day. But do you know who she wrote that second song about? You guessed it: Frank Stallone.

Middlebrooks having to gently contradict Flemming about 500 times a night is great radio.

Steve Buckley spends the year between the Oldtime Baseball Games sniffing the game-worn flannel uniforms.

A Cameo pep talk from someone who randomly cries over nothing? Where do I send my money?

Patriots did Celtics fans a solid by bringing a new Jaylen to town.

“Cash Considerations” would kinda be a perfect name for a Brian Cashman podcast.

Looking forward to the Celtics-76ers joint practices.

Kenni dresses like Sally O’Malley.

I am ready to go full Mensa Matt when they just hand Story his job back..pal.

The one damn time all the 350+ lb guys at Barstool HQ could be put to good use and not one of them to be found.

Best bet for the weekend: The Storrowings before ‘Allston Christmas.’

*(In reality, the Oldtime Game uniforms are returned to storage by Royal White Laundry of Somerville.)*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Michael NMI Hurley, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I hope life treats you kind.

*Dolly Parton was a national treasure. She will be missed. RIP, nice lady.*

08/19/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on August 19, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Everyone will want to be in the Pat McAfee business.*

You’d think after the Patriots played their first preseason game of the season WEEI would have their resident football expert, Ted Johnson, on to break down the game, but he must be overtired from late night tweeting and that’s why he isn’t on?

Holley passing out looks like when Urkel finally sees Laura Winslow in a bathing suit.

Can’t load the dishwasher? Murdered a cop OR your children? Well, don’t worry, ladies, we’re not allowed to hold you accountable for anything!

The Kraft Productions logo still has a pink tie, but hipster RKK now goes with an open collar!

Boy Tom Verducci has the IQ of a doorknob.

Is it a rule that everybody on the Toucher & Hardy show has to wear a hat?

Lou damn Merloni just said that soft schedule talk is overplayed. Just for the baseball team, I assume.

Butch Huskey was one of our great names. RIP.

Hey gang of weather dudes! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Lol. There isn’t a map out there you won’t dispute.”

Dart Adams invented the run-on sentence.

Cakes are cooking for Bill Cleary, Renée Richards, Story Musgrave, Diana Muldaur, Jill St John, Jack Canfield, Ian Gillan, Bill Clinton, Gerald McRaney, Tipper Gore, Toshio Suzuki, John Deacon, Jonathan Frakes, Ned Yost, Peter Gallagher, Darryl Sutter, Ivan Neville, Ricky Pierce, Morten Andersen, Ron Darling, Valerie Kaprisky, Joey Tempest, John Stamos, Kevin Dillon, Kyra Sedgwick, Lee Ann Womack, Tabitha Soren, Mary Joe Fernandez, Michael Todd, J. J. Hardy, Christina Perri, Patrick Chung, Kirk Cousins, and Marcello Hernández.

That’s the funniest part of the Michael Holley video. Florio doesn’t care about Michael at all, he’s just upset the segment got fucked up.

The Pat MacAfee album is giving off ‘Matt and Ben wrote the Good Will Hunting script all by themselves’ vibes.

Aug 18, 1967. Tony C’s Cooperstown journey was de-railed. The Fenway silence as he lay at home plate was deafening.

The only time I was “dehydrated” I drove in to a MBTA pole.

How is it possible that Lindsay Clancy is more sane than most of the women supporting her?

Monasterio is a better Rusney Castillo.

Blue Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a maintenance train inspecting the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

There’s never been a positive news headline involving a quarry.

Sonny Gray is just a ball player.

I picture the McCourtys looking at each other during the game like, “should there be all this dead air?”

Glenn ‘Doc’ Rivers, now enshrined in the Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame.

Tommy John needing Tommy John surgery, the odds on that must have been astronomical. RIP.

I’ve heard that all the best radio personalities fight for the 9-11 Saturday morning shift. Almost as sought after as DJ Bean’s 6-7 AM Soccer show.

Lucy I like you but slow your role please.

It seemed like the Chiclets guys were letting RA dip his toe back in the brackish pod waters and he predictably goes and has 17 nips on a Monday. Many such cases.

Watching Tom Caron walk around the park peddling 50/50 tickets is not good television.

Gotta give credit to Sir Mix-A-Lot, he wrote hit songs that gave love to both big butts and big boobs!

Dr. Frasier Crane is a Hank McCoy variant.

What did Hayden Panettiere know about the Red Sox hacking Pitch Comm? Taken from us too soon.

Providence isn’t sending their best to wheel of fortune.

Are we still pretending Annie Agar is funny? Or can we stop? Tits don’t make you funny. Please be better.

Fun fact: Mama Scartelli, with her atrocious Boston accent, pronounces drawer as ‘draw’.

I had no specific animus towards that Conley guy, so RIP to him. But imagine being remembered as the curator of dongs.

Orange Line Reminder: August 20-30 Service will be suspended between Oak Grove and Back Bay for infrastructure upgrades. Use shuttle buses between Oak Grove and North Station. Use the Green Line between North Station and Copley/Back Bay. Commuter Rail alternatives are available.

That twisted fruit Jake 100% got his dog stuck down by Boston Harbor on purpose and called the news himself for attention. He then made sure to call into the Sports Hub to talk about it, too.

Aubrey Huff trying to play in the women’s baseball league yet?

Honk if you remember the Little Black Sambo Merry-Go-Round at Story Land.

One of the McCourty’s was pretty good doing color on Westwood One during the playoffs. I’m not sure which one because they all sound alike.

Nobody gonna take my car, I’m gonna race it to the ground
Nobody gonna beat my car, it’s gonna break the speed of sound
Ooh it’s a killing machine it’s got everything
Like a driving power big fat tyres everything

I love it and I need it I bleed it
Yeah it’s a wild hurricane
Alright hold tight
I’m a highway star…

Drizzilicious sounds like a fake gay rapper on The Boondocks.

I bet Rich Keefe cried. Again.

Michael Holley looks like RuPaul when the AIDS test came back.

Euthanizing those who genuinely enjoy Pat McAfee seems like the moderate position.

I love a good conspiracy theory as much as the next guy, but when did every bored housewife turn into Art Bell?

Turgeman is Israeli for Vrioni.

Eagles’ fourth quarterback is Cole Payton which sounds like what ChatGPT would answer if you asked it to create a name for a generic backup QB.

I am calling for a total and complete shutdown of white women watching murder trials until we can figure out what’s going on.

Pablo Sandoval was a Jimmy Fund captain? At least they got something out of him.

I look forward to Vrabel’s human shields becoming more outlandish as the season goes on. He’ll be juggling ALS patients while blindfolded by the end of the year.

Red Sox 2-0 on TV38 this season.

It’s odd that longtime Clippers season ticket holder Bill Simmons wants that story to go away.

Best bet for the weekend: Gonzo gets the bag!

“Bway-nos tahr-days, amigos! We all know how important the Jimmy Fund is, Don. Those kids need our help. But I got an even better idear: helpin’ my beauterful son Jared get outta prison. Look, he made a mistake, but the young lady there shouldn’t auhter have made him angry. It’s time to put aside the annermosity and bring my son home. BE SURE TO TEXT #FREEJARED TO THE NUMBAH ON YOUR SCREEN BELOW.”

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Matt Vautour, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I got all the trouble I’m ever gonna need. And I just don’t want no more.

07/29/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on July 29, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*You wouldn’t ask a hard question to a coach holding a puppy, would you?*

I would suggest that Portnoy not take retards with him to Celebrity Family Feud, but I honestly don’t know who the non-retarded Barstool employees are.

How do you have x-rays negative and a broken wrist?

I love a good Facebook page.

Dr. Blumberg is neglecting her wifely duties; keeping Robert’s pathological need to be in front of a camera in check.

If you get into an online argument about badminton, do they say “you don’t know cock”?

It’s over for Mr. Lombardi.

Lot of bad tattoos at the beach right now.

LeBron is not a Wolf.

Hi not being a jerk but please don’t use “kiddos.” Kids or campers works. Thx

Cakes are coking for Charles Schwab, Roz Kelly, Michelle Angelo, Neal Doughty, Leslie Easterbrook, Geddy Lee, Ken Burns, Patti Scialfa, Scott Steiner, Martina McBride, Mike Williams, Wil Wheaton, Wanyá Morris, Josh Radnor, Allison Mack, Ashley McBryde, Chad Billingsley, and Dak Prescott.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays (enough to be constantly on vacation) is, “Maybe the crew at Dave & Busters are still trying to fish out those skee balls.”

311 is very polarizing.

You get tired much earlier in the night after a fun day at the beach.

The WNBA is going to fuck up the free lunch after the one-car funeral procession for their league.

I don’t want to say I called the Mead injury right away but that’s exactly how it unfolded, like an old AAA map of New England in your glove compartment.

Imagine sharing a screen with Chris Curtis and being, by far, the uglier person.

Cumberland College thought Team Barstool got their asses kicked.

I like that Dan Kelley strays into slightly edgier content than Dan Kelley Sports.

A seagull pooped on my mom’s head at the beach. Thankfully she was wearing my old Hartford Whalers hat that i never wore because it was the wrong hat style. Still sucked having to throw away a Whalers hat at a CT Beach.

Living on a lighted stage
Approaches the unreal
For those who think and feel
In touch with some reality
Beyond the gilded cage

Cast in this unlikely role,
Ill-equipped to act
With insufficient tact
One must put up barriers
To keep oneself intact.

Curtis Mead got injured before some not-as-clever-as-they-think social media person tried to get him to attempt pronunciations of Massachusetts towns in his Aussie accent.

We also monitor your Facebook, too, dummy.

I love the phrase “prospect hugging,” Every player in baseball was a prospect at some point in time. They were all hugged.

Curtain bangs are out. Cloud bangs are in.

That Romo bodycam footage was underwhelming – you’ll all probably pass ten drivers before noon tomorrow drunker than he was.

How can you not love a guy who spreads sawdust during the day, and hot takes at night?

Watch the Backlund cage match vs Snuka from MSG….listen to that crowd.

Red Line Update: Delays of about 20 minutes due to a switch problem at JFK/UMass. Trains may stand by at stations.

Honk if you remember “Captain” Lou Albano.

Fun fact: I’ve never had an Uncrustable. Not opposed, just hasn’t happened.

Will Mead be back before Roman?

Wilt Chamberlain played one season for the Harlem Globetrotters.

Belichick chooses friends like an aspy automaton.

Obviously not the main point of the news this week but Tony Romo pretty lucky at 46 to have his grandparents still alive.

No, I think we should debate Jordan and LeBron again.

Down undah, a limp wrist is an advantage kehd.

Ryan Whitney someday donating his brain to BU for study will have a nice symmetry to it.

Best bet for the weekend: loud and pointless ‘WR1’ arguments.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Matt Vautour, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx.

*Dutch tilt Bianca. Like a Batman TV show villainess. She can tie me up anytime. What?*

05/20/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on May 20, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

I wish Jaylen would shut up OR dribble.

Surprised Mickey Gasper hasn’t been questioned about the Gardner Museum heist.

Hey, everybody. Chill. Wemby ain’t Wilt and Wilt wasn’t Wemby. Very different players. But thanks to Wemby’s versatility you could pair them, and wouldn’t that be frightening?

Why wouldn’t they just keep using an opener for Bello? Because it was actually working?

Too little, too late on that goalie change. methinks.

James Harden should be left on the airport tarmac even though they aren’t flying anywhere.

Kyle Schwarber looks like he could be a Steiner brother.

When the NFL’s schedule release aligns with your colonoscopy prep, you write about both.

In terms of Boston movies, RA thinks he’s Affleck in The Town, but he’s actually Cliff Robertson at the beginning of Charly.

Annie Agar has almost zero white knights.

Way to let slip your husband had a no-show job with the Sox, second Mrs. Varitek.

Florio suggesting that Russini was pressured into fucking Vrabel the same day someone finds her thirst trap video is perfect. No notes.

Cakes are cooking for Sadaharu Oh, Tison Street, Cher, Craig Patrick, Steve George, Jane Wiedlin, Bronson Pinchot, Susan Cowsill, Tony Goldwyn, David Wells, Todd Stottlemyre, Mindy Cohn, Busta Rhymes, Matt Czuchry, Mike Flanagan, Jayson Werth, Rachel Platten, Sierra Boggess, Chris Froome, Enes Kanter Freedom, Harris Reed, Tara Davis-Woodhall, and Trinity Rodman.

Genuinely woke up and immediately smiled thinking about how I get to watch Wemby later. Like first thought of the entire day.

It’s 2026 and we are complaining about not getting Brusder Gratarol in the Betts deal?

Tony ‘Engagement’ Farmer. Boom. Roasted.

It’s not until you start listening to Bill Simmons with your young kids in the car that you realize how often he curses – including dropping f-bombs – on air. We were listening to his episode with Nick Wright, and I felt like I’d brought my kids to see Goodfellas.

Not a lot of babies being named Bob like there used to be.

Homemade mayonnaise?

Blue Line Update: Shuttle buses are replacing service between Wonderland and Revere Beach due to an issue with the overhead wire at Wonderland. Please expect delays as shuttles are dispatched.

Scal discovered Cooper Flagg and Stephen Curry.

I love a last name that reminds me of how Superman was paralyzed.

In accordance with his will, Mark Fuhrman’s Nazi memorabilia will be bequeathed to Curt Schilling.

I wonder why the white guy with a racially ambiguous name and million+ followers that commentates on the NBA chooses not to use an actual picture of himself?

It’s just easier to function when it’s pleasant outside and not awful.

Dave Mlicki pitched the very first regular-season game between the Mets and Yankees in 1997, and he shut out the defending champions, spinning curveballs and striking out eight. Any list of great Subway Series performers starts with him.

Hey gang of professional word-users, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You can see all the water shining on the grass.”

Man, how about that footie match? Blimey!

Mickey Gasper looks like if you incorporated Mario into RBI baseball with a cheat code.

Honk if you remember Schlitz beer.

‘Sir Winston Tulips’ was Upton Bell’s Provincetown stage name for the summer of 1980.

Maybe the Red Sox should let Tolle close his own starts?

Seems I’ve got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I’ve got to leave before I start to scream
Won’t someone lock the door and turn the key

Feeling alright (oh, no)
I’m not feeling too good myself (on, no)
If I feeling alright (oh, no)
I’m not feeling that good myself, yeah (oh, no)

Apparently there are people who are so anti-vaccine that they aren’t getting their dogs their rabies shots!!! WTF is that?! Never read Cujo?!

Who forgot to say Spida?

According to Annie Agar, she lost weight because she stopped eating refined sugar. Her entire diet must have consisted of refined sugar.

Kendrick Perkins needs to explode like Mr. Creosote.

You guys are so upset about the Red Sox being the only Boston team left when you could just be watching the Giro d’italia and then the Tour de France and then the Vuelta and then the world championships and then oh my goodness what’s this is that cyclocross I see!?

That is blatant Free Jacks erasure.

That fella who won the PGA Championship looked a bit too dusky to be an Englishman to me. Must be the coal dust.

Isiah Kiner-Falefa has now played all nine positions in the big leagues.

Hailey Van Lith sounds like an indie band name.

Break up the Revs?

The Buffalo Sabres fans can go back to not having jobs now, I guess.

Best bet for the weekend: reports of record-breaking travel.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Take these broken wings And learn to fly again Learn to live so free.

*RIP to careless chanteuse Claudine Longet. She’s with Spider Sabich again, possibly.*

05/13/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on May 13, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Patriots first pick Caleb Lomu..6’6” 313 pounds is an AVID golfer..

Just a reminder Bostonians, Mickey Gasper has a moustache, while Chris Gasper has a beard.

First the Peebs, now the Fleet are done with the ‘yoffs too?

I hate the Montréal Canadiens with a burning passion, but sacre merde it must be unbelievable to watch a playoff game in their ol’ barn.

Jarren Duran shouldn’t be on any social media at all. No forms of communication except telegraph.

Actually, you can eject Wemby from a playoff game for that.

Maybe Mike Vrabel will get a year off like Cora did. Steve Roenicke available?

WWE is in its WCW era.

Nothing like the drip drip drip of NFL schedule release week.

Way to heroically win one more playoff game than the Celtics did, Sixers.

Something you may not know: Greg Weissert is a clubhouse glue guy. A close friend of Crochet, Story, Duran and the group of bigger names on the roster. A key cog in the clubhouse culture.

Being serious I can’t wait for the Patriots schedule to drop. Going week by week and figuring out which games I’m attending is awesome.

Mitch Johnson looks like one of the ethnically ambiguous backup dancers from “Hamilton.”

Cakes are cooking for Roch Carrier, Harvey Keitel, Senta Berger, Armistead Maupin, “Blue” Lou Marini, Magic Dick Salwitz, Stevie Wonder, Paul Thompson, David Simon, Dennis Rodman, Chris Washburn, Darius Rucker, Parrish J. Smith, Tom Nalen, Josh Taves, Pusha T, Barry Zito, Mike Bibby, Sunny Leone, Lena Dunham, Robert Pattinson, Tyrann Mathieu, Willson Contreras, and Morgan Wallen.

Bob Ryan spending his golden years replying to everyone on twitter is a cautionary tale for the sports debate industrial complex.

Trevor Bauer just needs to get Josina Anderson in his camp.

Duran deleting his whole Instagram account and not just the offending Holley post signals to everyone that he’s having a mental crash out, and that’s his comfort zone. Can’t criticize me!

I hope the $12.5M cap hit next season for the Grizzlies Brandon Clarke gets removed. Right thing to do.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Everyone whines about nepotism with regard to Noah Eagle. Did he have certain advantages to get his foot in the door? Of course. That’s called life. But once you’re in the door, you need to be good to stay there. And he is excellent.

TwoTimes tried to warn us.

Hey gang of innkeepers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “If you got time to tweet, you’ve got time to be neat.”

Is Ken the new WALLDICK? I’m missing out on all the zoinks action.

Philly must have contracted the Mazulla Myth, it must spread by human contact.

Bobby Cox didn’t die like five years ago? Huh.

You can call it what you wanna
I call it messin’ with the kid.

You know you’re at a good brewery when the two TV’s are playing women’s soccer and rodeo.

It’s UFC, not EBT.

Musta got lost, musta got lost, musta got lost
Somewhere down the line
Musta got lost, musta got lost
Give away the day you were mine.

That scene in the Netflix documentary where Cora was preparing the other coaches to handle Duran’s feelingzzzz if he didn’t make the all star team was so embarrassing.

Vic Morrow got an autopsy, too.

Jersey Mike’s turkey and provolone is one of the best subs you’ll ever have.

LeBron must be hating all the ‘will he or won’t he retire’ attention.

When Tolle walks off the mound he looks like a local stumbling out of Triple O’s in 1983.

Matt McCarthy also gets his dental work done at Town Fair Tire.

Hilarious to me that Roman Anthony talked up Alex Bregman all offseason as a leader and someone he looked up to, and then the Sox promptly let him go. Mighta been nice to keep a guy like that!

Kara Lawson shoulda been the third contestant on Celebrity Jeopardy! All-Stars with Katie and Mina!

Sad hearing about Ochre from Vengeance of the Nerds. Reminds me of my college days.

Ladies, for your own safety, stop messing with the thermostat!

Best bet for the weekend: tree pollen.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I just called, to say, I love you.

*And happy birthday to actress and apparently also singer Debby Ryan.*

Yet Even More Little-Known Beantown (and Foxborough) Sports Facts!

Posted on April 22, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Note: Patrick Scartelli has taken this week off from Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer. In his place is a submission from good friend of The15net dot com, sportswriter Mr. Stanislas Tecumseh Darden, Jr., with an excerpt from his book, ‘406 Little-Known Beantown (& Foxborough) Sports Facts!’

The then-New England Whalers won their first and only World Hockey Association Avco World Trophy at the Boston Garden in 1973!

Pick #199 in the 2000 NFL Draft was a compensatory pick granted to New England after punter Tom Tupa signed with the New York Jets! New England used that pick to draft Michigan QB Tom Brady!

From 1997 to 2007, giant Coke Bottles were attached to a left field light tower for advertising purposes at Fenway Park!

Boston Globe writer Jerry Nason in 1936 coined the term, ‘Heartbreak Hill’ for that stretch of the Newton Hills of the Boston Marathon!

The Boston Celtics and the Boston Red Sox both won their last championships at home!

Boston Garden’s first sporting event was on November 17, 1928, a boxing card headlined by Boston Native “Honey Boy” Dick Finnegan’s defeat of Andre Routis!

The New England Revolution was the last franchise in Major League Soccer to adopt a new logo!

No one knows what happened to the Isobel Cup!

In December of 1995 five fans were electrocuted when a goalpost removed from Foxboro Stadium by jubilant fans came in contact with power lines!

The George R. White Memorial Stadium would be a great potential site for a women’s soccer league team to play!

For several years, Red Sox slugger David Ortiz had no idea what teammate Dustin Pedroia’s first name was!

The Bruins’ Stanley Cup finals appearances in 1988 and 1990 were both disrupted by power outages!

The late Pro Football Hall of Fame inductee Art Donovan played his college football with the Boston College Eagles!

In 1939, a financial dispute between Ice Follies figure skater Sonje Henie and her managers led Boston Garden General Manager Walter Brown and eight other arena managers to found the Ice Capades!

At Fenway Park, there is a big concourse called The Big Concourse!

The New England Free Jacks are defending three-time Major League Rugby Champions!

Fenway Park’s first night game took place on June 13, 1947, when the Boston Red Sox played under the new lights for the first time!

The Beanpot is neither a bean nor a pot, but rather, it is a college hockey tournament between four Boston-area colleges & universities!

The Boston Braves played at Braves Park, (which is now Nickerson Field) from 1915 until 1952!

Three generations of McNeeley’s (Thomas Senior, Tom, and ‘Hurricane’ Peter) boxed professionally at Boston Garden!

The Massachusetts Institute of Technology athletics mascot is a beaver named Tim, which is MIT backwards!

The TD Garden has never hosted an NBA All Star Game! The last one in Boston was played in 1964!

Fenway Franks are made by Everett-based Kayem Foods Inc.!

Joan Benoit won the Woman’s Division of the Boston Marathon in 1979 and 1983, setting a record that would last for 11 years!

Star Cambridge Rindge and Latin hooper Patrick Ewing shocked Beantowners by signing a letter of intent to play for Georgetown instead of a local school!

Fenway Park is the oldest stadium in Major League Baseball!

2026

2026 March Sadness Round One Day One

Posted on March 10, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

In either a stinging rebuke of the Selection Committee’s choices, or a positive affirmation of their Wild Card selections, the voters have swept all four wild cards to victory over their normally seeded opponents. What a moment! Polls for the first full day of the Tournament will remain open until 9 PM EDT tonight, March 10th. Please enjoy.

2026 March Sadness Tournament Field of 68

Posted on March 5, 2026 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Oyez, oyez! All those having business before the Tournament Selection Collaborative Committee of The15net dot com division of The Local Collaborative, take care and know the following will comprise the Field of 68 in the 6th Annual Mediot Madness/March Sadness Tournament:

Radio – Christian Arcand (WEEI) Marc Bertrand (98.5) Mike Felger (98.5) Andy Hart (WEEI) Greg Hill (WEEI) Ted Johnson (WEEI) Adam Jones (WEEI) Rich Keefe (WEEI) Joe Murray (98.5) Rob “Hardy” Poole (98.5) Nick “Fitzy” Stevens (WEEI) Fred Toucher (98.5) Scott Zolak (98.5)

Print – Peter Abraham (Globe) Andrew Callahan (Herald) Mark Daniels (MassLive) Kevin Paul Dupont (Globe) Chad Finn (Globe) Chris Gasper (Globe/98.5) John Karalis (SI) Doug Kyed (Herald) Sean McAdam (MassLive) Dan Shaughnessy (Globe) Christopher Smith (MassLive) Gabrielle Starr (Herald) Gary Washburn (Globe)

Television – Albert Breer (NBCSB) Lucille Burdge (NESN) Tom Caron (NESN) Jared Carrabis (NESN/98.5/Underdog) Drew Carter (NBCSB) Trenni Casey (NBCSB) Chris Forsberg (NBCSB) Lou Merloni (NESN) Kevin Millar (NESN) Dave O’Brien (NESN) Phil Perry (NBCSB) Brian Scalabrine (NBCSB) Travis Thomas (NESN)

Digital – Brian Barrett (The Ringer) Greg Bedard (BSJ) Rob Bradford (Audacy/WEEI) Mike Giardi (BSJ) Joe Haggerty (BSJ) Grant “Hogdale” Huckdale (Barstool) Jeff Howe (The Athletic) Mike Kadlick (CLNS) Taylor Kyles (CLNS) Evan Lazar (Patriots) Bob Ryan (CLNS/Globe) Jerry Thornton (Barstool) John Zannis (CLNS)

At large – Cerrone Battle (98.5) Tom “Freeze Pops” Carroll (WEEI) Courtney Cox (WEEI) Chris Curtis (WEEI) Mark Dondero (98.5) Michael Hurley (???) Kendra Middleton (98.5) Matt McCarthy (98.5) Jim Murray (98.5) Meghan Ottolini (WEEI/Celtics) Jimmy Stewart (98.5) Matt Vautour (MassLive)

This years Wild Card play-in contestants- Stanley “Stiz Grimey” Bruno (WEEI) Brian “Rear Admiral” McGonagle (Barstool) Eric Rueb (ProJo), James “Scaz” Scaramozzino (98.5). They will participate in the 4 play-in games in advance of Round One.