The 15

Happy New Year to all who celebrate!

From the home office in Nashua New Hampshire, the Top 10 Cat New Year’s resolutions for 2026…

• 10. Stop knocking things off the table… before making eye contact.
  9. Learn what “no” means — and continue to ignore it.
  8. Sit on warm laptops instead of freshly folded laundry. (Maybe)
  7. Eat food more slowly so humans stop accusing me of “inhaling.”
  6. Meow at 3 a.m. with a clearer sense of purpose.
  5. Fit into boxes without questioning physics.
  4. Respect personal space — primarily my own.
  3. Pretend to be grateful when receiving gifts I absolutely hate.
  2. Reduce judgmental staring to under 14 hours a day.
  1. Finally reveal why I do anything… just kidding!

Saturday Dinner Time
Panthers at Buccaneers (-2.5)
Black cats sink Bucs

Saturday Prowl Time
Seahawks (-1.5) at 49ers
Purrrrrdy swallows fake Sea Birds

Sunday Lunch Time
Saints at Falcons (-3)
Falcons excommunicate Saints

Browns at Bengals (-7.5)
Stripey Cats eat elves

Colts at Texans (-10.5)
Houston’s practice squad has no problem with Indy’s practice squad

Titans at Jaguars (-12.5)
Jags top Tits

Packers at Vikings (-6.5)
Vikings win by default

Cowboys (-3.5) at Giants
Dart defeats Dallas

Jets at Bills (-7)
Bills ground Jets

Lions at Bears (-3)
Bears send Jungle Kings into hibernation

Chargers at Broncos (-12.5)
Is this the long awaited Trey Lance breakout game? Sorry Patriot fans, it is not.

Cardinals at Rams (-7.5)
Rams rough up Red Birds

Chiefs (-5.5) at Raiders
Raiders are dozing for Mendoza

Dolphins at Patriots (-10.5)
Patriots drop Coach Drip

Commanders at Eagles (-7)
American Birds crush Commies

Sunday Prowl Time
Ravens (-3.5) at Steelers
Team X lives! Black birds get to prove that they aren’t afraid to lose on Wild Card Weekend.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.