From the home office in Nashua New Hampshire, the Top 10 Cat New Year’s resolutions for 2026…
10. Stop knocking things off the table… before making eye contact. 9. Learn what “no” means — and continue to ignore it. 8. Sit on warm laptops instead of freshly folded laundry. (Maybe) 7. Eat food more slowly so humans stop accusing me of “inhaling.” 6. Meow at 3 a.m. with a clearer sense of purpose. 5. Fit into boxes without questioning physics. 4. Respect personal space — primarily my own. 3. Pretend to be grateful when receiving gifts I absolutely hate. 2. Reduce judgmental staring to under 14 hours a day. 1. Finally reveal why I do anything… just kidding!
Saturday Dinner Time Panthers at Buccaneers (-2.5) Black cats sink Bucs
Never too early to mark those calendars
Saturday Prowl Time Seahawks (-1.5) at 49ers Purrrrrdy swallows fake Sea Birds
Sunday Lunch Time Saints at Falcons (-3) Falcons excommunicate Saints
St.Gertrude of Nivelles, patron saint of cats
Browns at Bengals (-7.5) Stripey Cats eat elves
Colts at Texans (-10.5) Houston’s practice squad has no problem with Indy’s practice squad
Titans at Jaguars (-12.5) Jags top Tits
Did someone say “Jags tit top”?
Packers at Vikings (-6.5) Vikings win by default
Cowboys (-3.5) at Giants Dart defeats Dallas
Darts is (are?) the sport of the future
Jets at Bills (-7) Bills ground Jets
Visual flight rules are in affect
Lions at Bears (-3) Bears send Jungle Kings into hibernation
Chargers at Broncos (-12.5) Is this the long awaited Trey Lance breakout game? Sorry Patriot fans, it is not.
Cardinals at Rams (-7.5) Rams rough up Red Birds
Chiefs (-5.5) at Raiders Raiders are dozing for Mendoza
It’s not tanking, it’s napping
Dolphins at Patriots (-10.5) Patriots drop Coach Drip
Commanders at Eagles (-7) American Birds crush Commies
The good old days when Russia were the bad guys
Sunday Prowl Time Ravens (-3.5) at Steelers Team X lives! Black birds get to prove that they aren’t afraid to lose on Wild Card Weekend.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Thank you to our partner, Karma Asian Fusion, for providing a delicious holiday sushi lunch to the local collaborative today!
You’d think the 40 pounds of cold weather gear Lamar was wearing might also have protected him from injury.
No offense, but I have no interest in hearing about which items are not on people’s bingo cards. Also, I had no idea so many people played bingo.
It’s almost like Joe Mazulla is a good coach and Brad Stevens is good at finding overachieving role players.
Ann Michael Maye should do follow up TikToks where she cleans up the Bakemas mess she made in her kitchen.
Take a few days off, Bruins. It’s needed.
It doesn’t matter what NFL teams are playing… whenever a starting quarterback goes out with an injury, I just assume Gardner Minshew is coming in to replace him.
Is signing Wilson Contreras smile-worthy?
The athletes do a great job of not hitting fans, usually.
Cakes are cooking for Bob Lobel, Ian Burden, Michael Flynn, Lee Daniels, Carol Vorderman, Jay Wright, Gavin O’Connor, Jay Bilas, Mary Ramsey, Mark Valley, Deidrich Bader, Ricky Martin, Stephenie Meyer, Ryan Seacrest, and Riyo Mori.
My favorite Christmas movie is the one where they use Darlene Love during a montage.
George Pickens will make a ton of NIL money in the Transfer Portal (free agency).
Lifting to slow jams is underrated.
If Mike Tirico was calling the Miracle on Ice, he’d yell out that they still have to beat Finland.
Honestly, at this point everyone should just block Variety. They clearly WANT to spoil the moviegoing experience in advance. They like the engagement. Just mute/block them altogether.
Aita and Fajardo sound like Boston restaurants that closed this year.
Coach Vrabes always looks like he’s trying to remember if he unplugged the iron before he left the house.
Sex crimes aside, the island looks pretty cool.
It’s a tragedy that Jimmy the Greek never got to lay eyes on Derrick Henry.
Hey gang enjoying their time off, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “That beard must smell like a ferret.”
I love Nike Dri-Fit shirts.
Orange Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Jackson. Personnel are on-scene to resolve the problem. Trains may stand by at stations.
Pit Beef isn’t a rapper who just died?
I hadn’t watched GREMLINS in ages. Caught it the other night and realized that’s where QT boosted the ending for INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS. (I’m sure it’s been pointed out elsewhere several times.)
I don’t even know why Oprah is in this graphic.
Circling back to my use of CC watching ‘The Wire’, I was unfamiliar with the S1 lingo. It was largely local drug parlance. So I went to subtitles and it informed me in a way that was much better to understand the show. And it’s also done the same for so many others.
I always look forward to the Celtics account’s Injury Report tweets to see if Tatum is still on it.
Tony Dungy looks like Red Skull in a BET version of Captain America.
I just spent an obscene amount of time explaining to my daughters that the Chiefs’ Kansas City is in Missouri, not Kansas. And now I’ve gotta put the toothpaste back into that tube?!?
Yes, I call individual black men, ‘the brother.’ I’m Richard Roundtree.
Brooklyn Raines – MLS player or OnlyFans porn star?
I could have been someone Well so could anyone You took my dreams from me When I first found you I kept them with me babe I put them with my own Can’t make it all alone I’ve built my dreams around you,
The boys of the NYPD choir Still singing Galway Bay And the bells are ringing out For Christmas day.
Not a bad time to catch up on podcasts and Taylor Sheridan TV shows.
2026 can’t get here fast enough…2025 absolutely sucks…of all the shitty stuff this year, the icing on the cake is apparently Dollar Tree no longer carries the Animal Crackers I am addicted to.
I’ve never seen an Asian broad with nice teeth.
Our Boston sports family will learn the hard way. Every single one of them.
Yhoiker Fajardo is both a great and terrible name.
Honk if you remember the Bruins going over the dasher and into the stands at Madison Square Garden.
Darryl Johnston does not shut the fuck up.
A wild Home Alone fact. The Christmas film came out in 1991 and was such a hit in Europe that “Kevin” became the most popular baby name in France, Germany and Netherlands for a few years.
That Corona “O Christmas Tree” whistling ad gets my dog’s attention every time.
Happy Festivus to all the losers and haters.
Best bet for the weekend: Wasabi. Fenway. Bowl.
Why can’t we get associated with holidays like that?
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.
And a Merry Christmas from actress/singer Taylor Momsen, seen here wearing her old Cindy Lou Who costume from ‘How The Grinch Stole Christmas‘.
(Dear The15net dot com Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is a musical playlist for your particular winter holiday enjoyment. And everyone else who stayed off the naughty list this year. Click HERE to download. Additional song suggestions are welcomed in the comments. )
Mary, Did You Know That Bert Bell Invented the NFL Draft? – Upton Bell & The Drells
Roger Got Run Over By A Reindeer (Unfortunately) – The Skulking Muskrats
Carol of the Fog Bells – Foxboro Human Shield Chorale
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (and a few doctors) – the Bowen 5
Can They Hear What I Hear, Mike? – Live Zzam
Let It Snow 3.5″ According to my Ruler in Mansfield, MA – BHL
Rich Tried to Put Me on Santa’s Naughty List – Ferrante & Toettcher
Away in a Pallet Shack – MC 34 Year Old Jesus
You Guys I’m Deathly Allergic to Rudolph the Red #5 Nosed Reindeer!!! – Kendra Middleton
Shalise Manza Young – José Feliciano
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (Expect for That Sack of Shit Stever)- Carmine Tazzi
Staring at Christmas Trees – Gregory Alan Isakov
Why Can’t We Get Messiahs Like That? – Bob Lobel and the Boston Jewish Men’s Choir
Happy Xmas (War is Over, Kid) – Rear Admiral
A Visit From St. Nicholas- recited by The Honorable Thomas M. Menino (deceased)
Fairytale of New York and of Boston and of Philadelphia – The Shukes
Eight Maids a Milking was #1 on my 2021 12 Days of Christmas Draft Board – Danny Kelley
In the Bleak Mid-Winter Ratings – Brighton Chilly
I Heard the Bells on Happy Honda Days – The Herb Chambers Choir
The MutStacker Suite – The Saratoga Tiny Brass Band
I Won’t Be Home for Christmas (Or Until You Get Offline) – Mrs. Bowen and the Chatty Nurses
Don We Now Our Gay Apparel- Zesty Freddy Lynn
Hark! The Herald Is Just $1 For 1 Year If You Subscribe Now – Callahan & Kyed
Christmas In Millis – Average White Band
She Bettah Nawt Bring Him to Christmas Dinnah – Keno Snapback Guys
Greenteamersleeves – The Blehhhhs
Who Told You King Wenceslas was Good? – Oafis Redding & the Carbonless Trio
Walking in a Winter Hill Wonderland – The Feebs
Angels We Have Heard on High Got Better Ratings Than WEEI Afternoons – Arbitronix
Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? The answer is a resounding “YES”! It’s best to leave the past in the past. Your New Year’s resolution should be to not dwell on lost loves and move forward. New year, new you. Don’t spend your nights listening to Spotify and crying yourself to sleep over what might have been with Olivia or Jackie or Brad. Lift a cup of kindness and throw it right in their face!
Happy Mew Year!
Or you could just resolve to stop drinking again.
SATURDAY LUNCH TIME Chargers (-4) at Patriots Patriots shock the Bolts like it’s 1985
In 2025 Coach Mayo resolves to be even more open with his good friends in the media.
SATURDAY DINNER TIME Broncos at Bengals (-3) Stripey Cats keep their playoff chances alive
SATURDAY PROWL TIME Cardinals at Rams (-6) Rams rout Red Birds
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Colts (-7.5) at Giants Giant tank job continues
Now that’s a giant tank!
Jets at Bills (-10) McDermott’s men hijack Jets and send them crashing back to Earth
Never forget
Titans at Jaguars (-1) Spotty Cats can’t handle Tits
Raiders (-1.5) at Saints Raiders win again, they must really hate the idea of drafting Shedeur Sanders.
Panthers at Buccaneers (-8) Scary Black Cats sink Bucs
Tampa should have consulted “Unsinkable Sam”
Cowboys at Eagles (-9.5) American Birds keep the pressure on the Jungle Kings
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Dolphins at Browns (-6.5) Elves shelve Miami
Don’t eat the brown fish
Packers at Vikings (-1.5) Vikings mince Meat Men
I’d rather be plundered
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Falcons at Commanders (-4) Commies swamp Falcons
MONDAY PROWL TIME Lions (-3.5) at 49ers Jungle Kings poach Prospectors’ patellas
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Interns beware! It’s that festive time of year again, tonight is the “The 15’s Annual Office Holiday Party”. ( It used to be the “The 15’s Annual Office Christmas Party”, but Carl did 23andMe this past year and, oy gevalt, he’s suddenly kosher.) But have no fear! Whether you spin the dreidel, or your savior was born in a stable, all you have to do is follow Football Cat’s 7 simple tips for a funtastic Office Holiday Party…
Spot the total number HR violations in this picture! Whoever comes closest will win a bonus day off* (*unpaid)
Show Up: You do not want to be labeled as a party pooper. Get your ass to the party, they’ll be free drinks (see Tip #2).
Drink: Drink! There’s nothing people like more than talking about the person who had too much to drink at the office party. You’re just providing a public service.
Eat: If you don’t eat, you’ll get drunk too fast (see Tip #2). It’s science.
Dance: On the floor, on the table (see Tip #2) , whatever it takes.
Talk to the Big Boss: Make sure you’ve had a couple of drinks first (see Tip #2) . And make it quick. Get in, get out. Don’t linger.
Play Your Transportation By Ear: You’re going to drink (see Tip #2) so don’t drive, but don’t plan ahead either. There’s definitely someone in the office with Clara Barton Syndrome, or maybe it’s Clara Nightingale Syndrome – whichever the nice one was. It doesn’t really matter, just don’t puke in Clara’s car.
Be Prepared: Bring an extra pair of underwear, your toothbrush and your passport. You never know what will happen (see Tip #2).
Good luck and have fun (see Tip #2)!
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Chiefs (-4.5) at Browns Chiefs scalp the Elves
Payback is a bitch
Bengals (-5) at Titans Stripey Cats pancake Tits
Tigers and pancakes? Someone’s getting cancelled.
Commanders (-7) at Saints Godless Commies decanonize Saints
Ravens (-14.5) at Giants Scary Black Birds jar Giants
Cowboys at Panthers (-2.5) Scary Black Cats spook America’s Team
I’m dreaming of a Black Sunday
Jets (-3.5) at Jags My Good Friend Mac finally owns!
This time for sure!
Dolphins at Texans (-3.5) Texans barbecue Dolphins
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Colts at Broncos (-4) Big Broncos corral lil’ Colts
Go Horse(s)!
Bills at Lions (-2.5) Hairy Cows trample Jungle Kings
Steelers at Eagles (-5) Yinzers take the Keystone State Cup
Patriots at Cardinals (-6) Pretty Red Birds fly past Mayo’s men
Stay strong Drake-A-Maniacs!
Buccaneers at Chargers (-3) Brother Jim Hawkins’ gang zaps swashbucklers
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Packers (-3) at Seahawks Fake Sea Birds aren’t in the mood for Love.
MONDAY EARLY PROWL TIME Bears at Vikings (-7) Vikings plunder hibernating Bears
Sounds like a Pixar movie
MONDAY PROWL TIME Falcons (-5) at Raiders Too bad Jerry Glanville isn’t alive to see his Falcons take down the Elvis impersonators #RIP
Wait… what?
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Our Intern Street Team was out and about over the weekend asking the locals, “What are you going as for Halloween?”
Henry Freeman, Guidance Counselor – “An Olneyville NY System Weiner.”
Joey K. – “Jackson Lamb from ‘Slow Horses’.”
Jenna van den Bergh, Philosopher/Entrepreneur -“A Spirit Halloween Storefront. Iknow; very meta.”Herold J. – “Imposter Syndrome,” Chase L. – “A Zesty Outfielder.”
Zelda Hemingway, homemaker – “A Lexus Techstream Data Recorder.”
Barry Ward, Ornithologist – “Dana Hersey.”
Echo Nillsen, Artist – “Sue O’Connell’s perceived intelligence.”
Glyph Pictogram, Musician – “A giant tub of Marshmallow Fluff.”
Charity Fujitsu, Caterer – “Lady Mariko from Shogun. Or that Australian breakdancer.”
Kayla C. – “Mirror in the Slideshow-Era Taylor Swift. Or Wednesday Addams.”
Dallas Souza, Delivery Driver – “A Stainless Steel Rat.”Molly S. – “A threatening bookmark.”Alyssa Wodehouse, Student, – “Lydia, from Beetlejuice’. Or that breakdancer from the Olympics.“
Nelly Bhattacharya, Marketer – “Nibi the Educational Beaver.”
Ethel Bok, Medical Device Sales – “Sexy Green Goblin”
Clare Bonser, tourist – “Raygun, the Aussie breakdancer, who else?”
The 15 