Tag Archives: Holiday

Football Cat’s Week 17 Picks

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Happy New Year from Football Cat!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? The answer is a resounding “YES”! It’s best to leave the past in the past. Your New Year’s resolution should be to not dwell on lost loves and move forward. New year, new you. Don’t spend your nights listening to Spotify and crying yourself to sleep over what might have been with Olivia or Jackie or Brad. Lift a cup of kindness and throw it right in their face!

Happy Mew Year!

Or you could just resolve to stop drinking again.

SATURDAY LUNCH TIME
Chargers (-4) at Patriots
Patriots shock the Bolts like it’s 1985

In 2025 Coach Mayo resolves to be even more open with his good friends in the media.

SATURDAY DINNER TIME
Broncos at Bengals (-3)
Stripey Cats keep their playoff chances alive

SATURDAY PROWL TIME
Cardinals at Rams (-6)
Rams rout Red Birds

SUNDAY LUNCH TIME
Colts (-7.5) at Giants
Giant tank job continues

Now that’s a giant tank!

Jets at Bills (-10)
McDermott’s men hijack Jets and send them crashing back to Earth

Never forget

Titans at Jaguars (-1)
Spotty Cats can’t handle Tits

Raiders (-1.5) at Saints
Raiders win again, they must really hate the idea of drafting Shedeur Sanders.

Panthers at Buccaneers (-8)
Scary Black Cats sink Bucs

Tampa should have consulted “Unsinkable Sam”

Cowboys at Eagles (-9.5)
American Birds keep the pressure on the Jungle Kings

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
Dolphins at Browns (-6.5)
Elves shelve Miami

Don’t eat the brown fish

Packers at Vikings (-1.5)
Vikings mince Meat Men

I’d rather be plundered

SUNDAY PROWL TIME
Falcons at Commanders (-4)
Commies swamp Falcons

MONDAY PROWL TIME
Lions (-3.5) at 49ers
Jungle Kings poach Prospectors’ patellas

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 15 Picks

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Interns beware! It’s that festive time of year again, tonight is the “The 15’s Annual Office Holiday Party”. ( It used to be the “The 15’s Annual Office Christmas Party”, but Carl did 23andMe this past year and, oy gevalt, he’s suddenly kosher.) But have no fear! Whether you spin the dreidel, or your savior was born in a stable, all you have to do is follow Football Cat’s 7 simple tips for a funtastic Office Holiday Party…

Spot the total number HR violations in this picture! Whoever comes closest will win a bonus day off* (*unpaid)
  1. Show Up: You do not want to be labeled as a party pooper. Get your ass to the party, they’ll be free drinks (see Tip #2).
  2. Drink: Drink! There’s nothing people like more than talking about the person who had too much to drink at the office party. You’re just providing a public service.
  3. Eat: If you don’t eat, you’ll get drunk too fast (see Tip #2). It’s science.
  4. Dance: On the floor, on the table (see Tip #2) , whatever it takes.
  5. Talk to the Big Boss: Make sure you’ve had a couple of drinks first (see Tip #2) . And make it quick. Get in, get out. Don’t linger.
  6. Play Your Transportation By Ear: You’re going to drink (see Tip #2) so don’t drive, but don’t plan ahead either. There’s definitely someone in the office with Clara Barton Syndrome, or maybe it’s Clara Nightingale Syndrome – whichever the nice one was. It doesn’t really matter, just don’t puke in Clara’s car.
  7. Be Prepared: Bring an extra pair of underwear, your toothbrush and your passport. You never know what will happen (see Tip #2).

Good luck and have fun (see Tip #2)!

SUNDAY LUNCH TIME
Chiefs (-4.5) at Browns
Chiefs scalp the Elves

Payback is a bitch

Bengals (-5) at Titans
Stripey Cats pancake Tits

Tigers and pancakes? Someone’s getting cancelled.

Commanders (-7) at Saints
Godless Commies decanonize Saints

Ravens (-14.5) at Giants
Scary Black Birds jar Giants

Cowboys at Panthers (-2.5)
Scary Black Cats spook America’s Team

I’m dreaming of a Black Sunday

Jets (-3.5) at Jags
My Good Friend Mac finally owns!

This time for sure!

Dolphins at Texans (-3.5)
Texans barbecue Dolphins

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
Colts at Broncos (-4)
Big Broncos corral lil’ Colts

Go Horse(s)!

Bills at Lions (-2.5)
Hairy Cows trample Jungle Kings

Steelers at Eagles (-5)
Yinzers take the Keystone State Cup

Patriots at Cardinals (-6)
Pretty Red Birds fly past Mayo’s men

Stay strong Drake-A-Maniacs!

Buccaneers at Chargers (-3)
Brother Jim Hawkins’ gang zaps swashbucklers

SUNDAY PROWL TIME
Packers (-3) at Seahawks
Fake Sea Birds aren’t in the mood for Love.

MONDAY EARLY PROWL TIME
Bears at Vikings (-7)
Vikings plunder hibernating Bears

Sounds like a Pixar movie

MONDAY PROWL TIME
Falcons (-5) at Raiders
Too bad Jerry Glanville isn’t alive to see his Falcons take down the Elvis impersonators #RIP

Wait… what?

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Return of the Phantom of the Intern Street Team People on the Street Interview

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Our Intern Street Team was out and about over the weekend asking the locals, “What are you going as for Halloween?”

Henry Freeman, Guidance Counselor – “An Olneyville NY System Weiner.”
Joey K. – “Jackson Lamb from ‘Slow Horses’.”
Jenna van den Bergh, Philosopher/Entrepreneur -“A Spirit Halloween Storefront. I know; very meta.”
Herold J. – “Imposter Syndrome,” Chase L. – “A Zesty Outfielder.”
Zelda Hemingway, homemaker – “A Lexus Techstream Data Recorder.”
Barry Ward, Ornithologist – “Dana Hersey.”
Echo Nillsen, Artist – “Sue O’Connell’s perceived intelligence.”
Glyph Pictogram, Musician – “A giant tub of Marshmallow Fluff.”
Charity Fujitsu, Caterer – “Lady Mariko from Shogun. Or that Australian breakdancer.”
Kayla C. – “Mirror in the Slideshow-Era Taylor Swift. Or Wednesday Addams.”
Dallas Souza, Delivery Driver – “A Stainless Steel Rat.”
Molly S. – “A threatening bookmark.”
Alyssa Wodehouse, Student, – “Lydia, from Beetlejuice’. Or that breakdancer from the Olympics.“
Nelly Bhattacharya, Marketer – “Nibi the Educational Beaver.”
Ethel Bok, Medical Device Sales – “Sexy Green Goblin”
Clare Bonser, tourist – “Raygun, the Aussie breakdancer, who else?”
Willie Matson, Kickball Coach – “A Swanson Hungry-Man Dinner.”
Marcia McCloud, Aerobics Instructor – “Shaia Eluemunor Vederian, Elf-Princess of Middle-Earth.“
Caroline Saloio, Private Investigator – “Sexy Pikachu.”

Have a Happy Halloween, everybody.