The 15

The path to 5-5 for New England is right there, caller.

Boston Sports Journal is like a graveyard for once-overpaid scribes who don’t know they’re dead yet.

Which vacant position gets filled first, Sporting Director for the Revolution, or Red Sox General Manager?

How dare you take joy in the struggles of brash dickhead Deion Sanders!

Bruins aren’t playing until tomorrow night? Did they catch the old Boston & Albany train to Chicago, where they switched to the Union Pacific’s Overland Route to the Bay Area as a Centennial tribute?

I hope the money Katie won on Celebrity Jeopardy goes to help poor put-upon woman in sports Kayce.

If Velma from Scooby Doo played bass for the Ramones, she’d look like Karen Guregian.

What does a senior consultant do?

Suzanne Somers died? That can’t be. This must be some kind of wacky misunderstanding! RIP.

Cakes are cooking for Mike Ditka, Russ Giguere, Pam Dawber, Martina Navratilova, Thomas Hearns, Wynton Marsalis, Alex Cora, Yoenis Cespedes, Zac Efron, and Brittany Griner.

Kept undefeated Penn State under 70, UMass. That’s not bad.

Baseball needs another prominent knuckleballer again. Nothing like adding to the nerves of October baseball like wondering if the knuckler is gonna cooperate that night.

Four-cylinder Honda’s are going to get very pricey again.

The Dolphins released 2019 Patriots third-rounder Chase Winovich from the practice squad with an injury settlement.

Mail-order bagels?

The new Frasier is worth a watch. It is free to watch on YouTube for now.

Nothing better than being at a restaurant with a long wait and seeing people done with their meals just sitting at their tables talking.

Are there any pictures of Mike Giardi where he doesn’t look like a disinterested gay flight attendant?

Play the kids when they get back, whoever the Revs coach guy is!

Hey Hillside gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The restless dead try to return to Twitter in October.”

Some news: The SF Giants formally interviewed assistant coach Alyssa Nakken for their managerial role, according to sources. She’s believed to be the first woman to become an official candidate for an MLB club’s top uniformed job.

Chipotle please get better people to roll the burritos. Start a college for it or something lol kidding. But this one hurt my soul.

The snow and the throwbacks made for a really beautiful combination in that Pats win over the Titans fourteen years ago on this date.

Who’s trippin’ down the streets of the city
Smilin’ at everybody she sees?
Who’s reachin’ out to capture a moment?
Everyone knows it’s Windy.

And Windy has stormy eyes.
That flash at the sound of lies.
And Windy has wings to fly,
Above the clouds (above the clouds)
Above the clouds (above the clouds.)

Honk if you know what to do when you get to the Slauson Cutoff.

Mahomes and Kelce are mesmerizing.

Who do you think is going to play Aidan in the movie? Chris Evans? Chris Pine? Rhys Ifans? Tilda Swinton?? Let us know in the comments!

What do you mean, “what movie, you demented psychopath?”

Alex Verdugo is Boston’s lone Gold Glove nominee.

I hope the Newscenter 5 Eyeopener Team all know they are still beautiful inside and out.

Mac is going to get every Pats offensive skill player injured.

I’m not a Texas fan or rooting for them, but I’m just thrilled with the post-season success of Jordan Montgomery. People are SO convinced that you have to throw 100 in order to get people out now. You can’t overstate the value of one pitcher who proves that that isn’t true.

I think the football did brush up against Devante Parker’s fingertips. After it bounced off his palms.

Sharon Alfonsi’s teeth look very real.

Abby has multiple jobs. Dickerson has no job.

No TB12 store?

Haha, yes. Bob Lobel’s funny little catchphrase. Haha.

Diamondbacks vs Rangers should bring the ratings bonanza.

Best bet for the weekend: for a few hours, we will all be Nittany Lions.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. When you started off with nothing and you’re proud that you’re a self-made man. And your friends they all come crawling, slap you on the back and say, please. Please.

So far, so good goes the Bruins’ defense of the Presidents Cup!

Good job, good effort in the playoffs, AL East squadrons.

A heady mix of shooters and defenders on this Celtics team. Should be a fun one.

I know how Patriots fandom works, you complain during their 20 years of dominance that they should have been even more dominant, and when they finally come back down to Earth you get to crow about being right all along. Fuck these fanz.

Since China is recalling all the Panda Bears, do we have to send them Pablo Sandoval?

Salk had better ratings than Jones and Mego.

And the team built by former Red Sox took a big early lead against the team built out of former Red Sox. Hub of the universe.

Anyone see Mrs. Doubtfire the musical? If so, how was it?

Cakes are cooking for Sid Fernandez, Chris Chandler, Hugh Jackman, Terry Ray, Tanyon Sturtze, Miroslav Šatan, Bode Miller, Tom Guiry, and Mike Green.

My gratitude to a man whose career maybe most typifies the gloriously brutal early days of the NFL. Godspeed Mr. Butkus, I hope for St. Peter’s sake he’s not on offense when you get there.

Bruins fans just like yelling Loooooch!

Fall Out Boy covering Billy Joel is why they hate us.

Kale Bort DFA’d?

Hey gang of college football fans, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I think I love Smacker Miles.”

Cleveland Browns QB Deshaun Watson (shoulder) did not practice yesterday, and PJ Walker would start if he can’t go.

The Dodgers are cursed for what they did to card carrying Alpha Male, Trevor Bauer.

We don’t talk enough about how cool it is that so many different personalities can succeed as NFL coaches. Like I’m inviting Dan Campbell to my kegger and I want to wander around an art museum with Mike McDaniel and if I want to talk shit about the other two I’m calling Belichick.

Blue Line experiencing delays of about 10 minutes due to signal problem at Beachmont.

All weed is gay now.

Mac will be all fixed once they get Jeudy. PTT!

I am so sick of Pat McAfee being shoved down my throat. But our Vern Dozier has a different opinion! Heyooooo!

Nick Perbix is the league’s new “Dolores” (stick taps to pioneers Jake Bean & Grant Clitsome).

You all right?

She had hair like Jeannie Shrimpton back in 1965.
She had legs that never ended,
I was halfway paralyzed.
She was tall and cool and pretty and she dressed as black as coal.
If she asked me to I’d murder, I would gladly lose my soul.

Now I lie in bed and think of her,
Sometimes I even weep.
Then I dream of her behind the wall of sleep.

I admit I have not been a huge fan of Lions head coach Dan Campbell’s approach of biting knee-caps motivation—it was too high schoolish for me. I prefer the more intellectual approach of reaching the players. But I was wrong.

Honk if you remember Fred Villari.

Everyone knows your crazy conspiracy theory being true is an absolute defense to witness intimidation!

Connor Bedard. Talented, and not hateable. Weird!

Call it ‘brotherly shove’ more.

Cats will make you feel like a kaiju in your own home.

Frankly offended the VGK Stanley Cup banner doesn’t have neon on it.

A shame Charles Napier wasn’t in Stop Making Sense. Nevertheless, it is worth seeing the remastered film in theaters while you can.

Wouldn’t “pink hat” Bruins fans be the least likely to know who Lucic is?

The Raiders game. That’s the real test.

Best bet for the weekend: the Revs start their playoff run.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Published today and not Wednesday due to the Columbus Day Holiday.

Chris Snow. Tim Wakefield. Russ Francis. Tough week.

Be more obviously checked out, Red Sox Ownership Group.

Play the kids, Jim Montgomery!

Get well soon Christian Gonzalez and Matt Judon.

Does Jrue have a nice dump shot?

There being no Wild Card Game threes today is proof you can’t script October.

Mike Lombardi is the Vince Lombardi of spam tweets.

Yes, worry about Kristaps getting injured because you lost the ironman Rob Williams.

All I did was listen on my earbuds most of the morning and still feel like I ran a marathon. Nothing like the Ryder Cup.

Cakes are cooking for Steve Miller, Brian Johnson, Bill James, Bob Geldof, Imran Khan, Careca, Michael Andretti, Laura Davies, Patrick Roy, Mario Lemieux, Guy Pierce, Karyn Parsons, Kate Winslet, and Travis Kelce.

It is also Rex Chapman’s birthday, but no cake for him. Loser.

We’re in New England. Stop saying y’all.

Did Wakey get Fawcett’d by the 2023 Patriots?

I’ve noticed that a lot of popular “Celtics twitter” accounts take my takes and flip them into their own. It’s funny because they think I don’t notice.

You do dirt, you get dirt.

Worcester Line Train 512 (9:05 am from Worcester) is operating 5-10 minutes behind schedule between Boston Landing and South Station.

NFL crowds are the worst. So many donkeys.

Hey gang of otherwise unemployable Stoolies, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Break one her for me.”

I’m always in a debate with myself on who’s better: Tim Brady or Matt Jones.

The play of #NHLBruins Matt Poitras (age 19) this preseason is too eerily similar in terms of really making an impact offensively the way a former 2nd round draft pick at age 18 pretty much was an impact player almost from get go. Patrice Bergeron. The similarities are there IMO.

Why wouldn’t you want a refrigerator with an icemaker?

Curt Schilling is like Pete Rose, in that every time you feel like you’re ready to start defending him again, he goes back to his looney room and comes out with another treasure.

We all share this planet – we are all connected by our oceans.

John Wallach will die before being anything but a footnote. God is real.

Am not going out on a limb by now projecting Jonathan Jones will not earn his NLTBE $250K 90% playing-time incentive this season.

Shabazz Napier is from Roxbury…

Terry Francona’s scooter was stolen again. And it was beaten up pretty badly. And, well… “The worst part was they defecated on it.”

Whenever I look at Benjamin St-Juste I think that Juste must be the patron saint of hyphens.

The 2010 and 2011 Red Sox should have played harder to get Wakey the wins to tie or pass Cy and Roger. There; I said it.

Our house it has a crowd.
There’s always something happening,
and it’s usually quite loud.
Our mum, she’s so house-proud.
Nothing ever slows her down,
and a mess is not allowed.

Our house, in the middle of our street.

Lombardi forgot to turn off his automatic book pitch when sending his thoughts and prayers to a kid with cancer.

Whither Jared Grasso?

25 years ago today Britney Spears’ “Baby, One More Time” was serviced to radio as a promo. Entered Hot 100 Airplay at #59 on November 7th, 1998, Sales on the 21st, Hot 100 at #18 on December 5th, 1998 but the video didn’t debut on TRL until December 18th, 1998. Hit MTV early Dec.

Honk if you remember the uniform 22-foot NBA 3-point arc.

The people who mocked Belichick as being a “genius” for 20 years are also the same people who think he should be able to completely rebuild the team in four. In other words, fucking idiots.

Good job, good effort US Ryder Cup team.

If there is a heaven, I hope Jerry Remy gets to announce Wake’s arrival to the Pearly Mound.

Revs. Flailing.

Can someone string together all of Christian Gonzalez’s All-22 reps so I can re-watch them for the next 4 months while weeping and eating Cheetos?

‘The Pearly Mound’ sounds like a low-rent Tampa area gentleman’s club.

Artificial Intelligence program’s inability to correctly render human hands must give Larry Johnson some comfort.

Mike Gorman’s replacement Drew Carter? Decent pipes, terrible picture of him in the NBCSN group photo.

Best bet for the weekend: rain.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I apologize for the delay. It was too nice out yesterday to work on the column.