July TO’s & Threes – Celtics Column -1976 Rewind

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

So after the confetti fell and delighting in the promise of a new beginning, let’s look back at the last hurrah for the Old Guard Celtics dynasty. The old, hobbled 1976 Celtics nearing the end of their unheralded run of the decade. The last vestiges of the Bill Russell-era John Havlicek and Don Nelson stand at 36-years old, which in the 1970s for an athlete they might as well be pushing 50. In the final season before the ABA-NBA merger provided an influx of young, raw and exciting new players, the dynastic Celtics faced off against the Cinderella Phoenix Suns in what would be a memorable battle between young and old.

Watching the Celtics of this era you could tell this was the end, and even the vaunted cultural values exposed by Celtics great of the fifties, sixties and early seventies gave way to more me-centric style of basketball. While they fought to hold off a more harmonious opponent, the 1976 Celtics had subtle conflicts between young and old that would lead to a period of non-contention between 1977 and 1979.

Paul Silas stood for the old guard. You can imagine him on the 1962 Celtics next to Satch Sanders, hustling and making the smart players. But on the other side you had guard Charlie Scott who never saw a shot he didn’t like. Silas acknowledged the vibe was off, saying “One of these nights, we’re going to reach back and nothing’s going to be there.”

Perhaps the Celtics are guilty of losing touch with themselves during this era, and deserve more blame for trying to get with the times as they’d later regret when they acquired Curtis Rowe, Sidney Wicks, Marvin Barnes and most disastrously Bob McAdoo.

Historical franchises born into the lap of God tend to have a certain mystique to them, often attributing their own success to a code of ethics. The Yankees even before the George Steinbrenner enforced dress code in 1974, still wore a snooty, arrogant, clean cut attitude revealing in their superiority complex. The New England Patriots (until Belichick was ousted) preached many things, but mostly accountability and a dedication to preparing.

What the Celtics are then and still are is the most egalitarian franchise. While the league rushed to adopt the heliocentric model where one player has an astronomical usage rate, the Celtics spread the wealth making them pliable. From the days of Cousy, Heinsohn, Russell, to today with Tatum and Brown, the Celtics are not one trick ponies and will be damned if you find them in a position where they are top heavy.

The hinge point of the Celtics is the trading of backup point guard Paul Westphal to Phoenix for aforementioned guard Charlie Scott. Westphal was a young, budding star languishing in anonymity on the bench. Red Auerbach was left with a dilemma. The 1975 Celtics outside of Jo Jo White and Cowens, are an old roster, and White would not coexist with Westphal. White did not want to have nights where he was complimenting Westphal and didn’t get the shine.

Jo Jo needed a partner in the backcourt and it wasn’t going to be Westphal. Out he went and in came Charlie Scott. The Rasheed Wallace of his day in terms of fouling out of games. Scott shot the ball well on the stat sheet and I’m sure he was a quality player, but every time I seen him play I come away annoyed. The ball slips off his palm, he’s too eager to shoot and doesn’t move the ball to my liking… but that’s not what the stats say, so maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Scott performed as White’s companion and the Celtics finished 54-28, second only to the Golden State Warriors for best record in 1975-76. Scott averaged a 17-4-4 on decent shooting, and fouled over four times a game making him an erratic player. In the playoffs Scott would foul out of 11 of the 18 games, 5 of the 6 finals games, and somehow save his best for last.

Before Game 6 Klay, there was Game 6 Charlie. The Celtics won their playoff series in roughly the same fashion every time. Six-games it would take, with Scott doing the honors of slamming the door shut once and for all.

Vs Buffalo: 13-24, 31 points, 6 rebounds, 4 assists

Vs Cleveland: 7-13, 20 points, 2 rebounds, 3 assists

Vs Phoenix: 9-24, 25 points, 11 rebounds, 3 assists – 5 steals! (The box score didn’t track steals in games before the finals)

Phoenix headed home in the hopes of extending their Cinderella tale to a seventh game. On the backs of star Paul Westphal, and two precocious, extraordinary rookies Alvan Adams and Ricky Sobers. The 42-40 squad shook the shackles of mediocrity, upsetting the favored defending champion Warriors (because when they beat up Rick Barry he threw the game when he realized none of his teammates defended him). The gentle coach John MacLeod had taken his diverse group of veterans, cast-offs, rookies and made them title contenders through grit and spit. They played a better brand of basketball the Celtics did that year and is not a coincidence that a Celtic was at the head of it all.

1976 is the year everything changed for the Phoenix Suns.

Heading into the sixth and final game of the finals, after a three-overtime thriller, it was apparent early on that both the Suns and Celtics were punch drunk. White played 60 minutes and by the end of the night was sitting on the hardwood floor during free throws. Gar Heard led the game by playing 61 minutes. And in the heated Boston Garden Tom Heinsohn collapsed due to heat exhaustion. Fortunately, this being the 1970s he merely went home and did not go to the hospital.

Phoenix was not haunted by the loss the game before, coming oh so close to what would’ve been a commanding series lead. In fact, they were inspired. “We know we’re going to beat them.” Gar Heard declared. “It’s going to take seven now, but we know we’re going to beat them. We showed we came to play.”

Perhaps the confidence stemmed from the fact back in those days participating in a game that required such heroics just to finish earned praise from supporters and detractors alike. Back when we used to celebrate athletic feats of heroism and not subscribe value in the end result.

The weary teams, littered with battle scars limped around for forty-eight minutes hoisting up off balanced, out of rhythm shots having only a prayer of converting. The game was like if two prize fighters went the full fifteen, but the judges decided a sixteenth was needed.

No team cracked 20 in the first or second quarters. Boston held Phoenix to 13-points, the lone pulse of the Celtics offense being Scott who dawned the Superman cape for the third straight Game Six. Having fouled out of every game of the series, Red approached Scott and explained to him his importance and how if he were to foul out where the Celtics reserves were Glenn McDonald and Kevin Stacom they’d be in trouble. Scott only fouled 5 times that night and avoided fouling out.

Possessions resembled a car crash under the basket. The rhythm and flow of the game was off by a substantial margin, each team searching for that extra jolt that wasn’t there.

The game had a total of 12 ties, the Suns were all too real to be a fairy tale and never let the Celtics put them to bed. Garfield Heard and Curtis Perry regained their sea legs and established their running game and pierced the Celtics defense to a 66-all draw with 8 minutes left to go.

Boston couldn’t establish much of a running game and settled for outside shots (back when that was considered a bad thing), their tired legs couldn’t jump over a phone book and during the parade of misses the Celtics mustered a pitiful 34 points in the second half.

The shifting tide came from the tired legs of Cowens finessing the ball from the gangly arms of Adams, leading the the 6-9 center to take it to the basket for the only way you could get three-points in one possession pre-three point line. The Celtics cranked up the old machine one last time to shut down the Suns and in the blink of the eye the old bastards led by 10.

When the game finished it felt like mercy was delivered. The green teams legs seemed rejuvenated not only by the victory, but by the fact the grueling experience was over. The sickly Heinsohn who captained an old Celtics team with a dearth of options to the mountaintop once again.

When all else failed, the Celtics fell back on their time-tested values. The Suns proved worthy foes. The two clashed for the most underrated playoff series in league history, filled with countless momentum shifts and leaving it all on the floor. The Phoenix Suns experienced a rebirth. The Celtics gained another banner.

Not this one.

Vinny Jace appears on the Entitled Weekend podcastHe does not live in The Valley of the Sun.

TO’s & Threes – Celtics Championship in Review

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

To win a title a team needs the stars to align, a peaceful alignment of karma throughout the cosmos. You need to feel God is on your side. The Golden State Warriors are the last team to achieve the dream of back-to-back championships, and even their talent-laden roster needed the big man from upstairs to do them a favor or two. 

The Eastern Conference may be the weaker conference, but the Celtics had their way with the West just as much. 

East: W/L: 41-11

Wins Per 82 Games: 65

Net rating: + 10.1

West: W/L/ 23-7

Wins Per 82 Games: 63

Net Rating: +14.4.

Their win percentage of 79% (counting both regular season and playoffs) is good for 11th all time, one percent below the vaunted ‘87 Lakers. Their point differential of + 1,083 (+10.7) is the fourth highest in NBA history. What we’ve been treated to over the course of a year is one of the best teams ever to have stepped on the hardwood. If next year’s team is more human, then they earned that right to be so. 

The Celtics both won the title “ahead of schedule” and “just in the nick of time”. The core of Jayson Tatum, Jaylen Brown, Kristaps Porzingis and Derrick White will turn 26, 28, 29 and 30 respectively next season. They are either entering their primes, or in it right now. The nick of time aspect stems from the ages of Al Horford, Jrue Holiday, and the often unavailability of Kristaps Porzingis. Horford might’ve played his last game at the age of 38, and after 186 playoff games he finally claimed the ellusive ring. 

An underlying subplot to his return to Boston was his defying of Father Time. His tip-top conditioning kept him from falling out of the rotation like 36-year old Bucks center Brook Lopez recently did, and the Celtics staggering him prevented any chance of Old Al being run into the ground. When Porzingis went down in the playoffs, Horford’s minutes went up, finding himself playing close to 40-minutes for a team with a dearth of options to relieve him. How will Boston ever survive without him? It’s a question we might have to answer real soon (for now, let’s enjoy the moment).

Regarding Porzingis, the Celtics took strenuous steps to preserve his body just for this part of the year, for the all important 16-game stretch and as fate would have it he would be more of an obstacle to overcome. Missing a month when the team needed him most, a setback that would have ended any other teams season was brushed off. 

Health, regression, and random occurrences all play a role in the modern NBA in disrupting a would-be back-to-back champion. The Raptors fell victim to the ultimate anomaly in the Player Empowerment Era, their superstar bolting after winning the title. Los Angeles could have captured gold after 2020, but the short off-season following the pandemic resulted in injuries to even the iron man himself, LeBron. The Bucks appeared poised to be a dynasty with Giannis as the face, only for Khris Middleton to injure his ankle. The Warriors grew old and their young guys never grew into the successors to assist Steph. And lastly, the Nuggets with the Best Player In The World, Nikola Jokic fell into an unfavorable round two matchup versus Minnesota after losing a late regular season matchup to San Antonio and a rookie Victor Wembanyama dropped them in the standings. 

The modern NBA is a field of landmines waiting to be stepped on. The Celtics overcoming all of that to win inspires more relief than jubilation. A tearful, yet jovial sigh of relief. The feeling of security and validation. We can now talk about Tatum’s unique place in NBA history. 

Tatum’s total playoff points of 2,711 eclipses the mark of his mentor Kobe Bryant’s for most playoff points before turning 27. Despite playing in seven-fewer playoff games than Bryant, and when you factor in when he entered the league he had the best player in the world in Shaquille O’Neal, it makes what Tatum’s done more impressive because from day one he had to shoulder the load as the teams best player year in and year out. 

Tatum’s played 107 playoff games and has been an iron man his entire career, quickly rising up the all time playoff totals in his first seven seasons of his career:

Points 1st

Minutes 4th

Games T-7th

Assists 10th

Rebounds 12th

Steals 18th

Blocks 27th

Jaylen Brown’s played more playoff minutes before turning 27 than Magic Johnson, Giannis Antetokounmpo, and Jerry West (RIP). These Celtics at their core are battle tested, sport gnarly scars from various battles and experienced heartbreak that would break lesser teams – but not them. 

Some teams are cursed with the moniker, “always the bridesmaid, never the bride”. The 2010’s Oklahoma City Thunder and Houston Rockets through a mixture of bad luck and the mistakes ceded the era they seemed destined to dominate to San Antonio and Golden State. In the 2000s the Phoenix Suns always knocked on the door, only for it to never open. 

But there are teams who nonetheless persist and will never take no for an answer and sometimes those teams are rewarded by the big man upstairs for their ability to preserve in the mighty storm that is professional basketball. 

From 1962 to 1972 the Los Angeles Lakers for 11 seasons banged in the door until their fists bled. 8 trips to the final four, 7 finals appearances, losing to Bill Russell’s Celtics six times and then once to the Knicks for good measure. Then on Halloween night, 1971 after a tough loss to Nate Thurmond and Cazzie Russell’s Warriors, Lakers stalwart Elgin Baylor decided to retire and inadvertently kicked off the longest win streak in NBA history stopping at 33 en route to the title. 

The Bullets of the 1970s appeared cursed to be forever the Bridesmaid Team. It started when they drafted Wes Unseld to be for them what Bill Russell was for the Celtics. Pairing Unseld with Earl Monroe was like pairing Russell with Oscar Robertson. They crashed the finals in 1971 when Monroe ripped the hearts out of the Willis Reed-less New York Knicks; Bullets’ Gus Johnson made a critical basket late in the game to lift the Bullets over the Knicks 93–91, but stood little chance against Lew Alcindor and the Milwaukee Bucks.  

Baltimore went under a transformation, trading Monroe to New York, and Johnson to to the Suns. The Bullets remained prominent, but like the Celtics post-Kyrie didn’t have much star power to combat the Knicks or Celtics. Baltimore acquired Elvin Hayes from the Houston Rockets and drafted Kevin Porter in the third round of the ‘72 Draft. 

The slow, steady build up led to them shocking the defending champion Celtics in the ‘75 conference finals stealing two games on the road and ending them in six. Old Celtics guard K.C Jones was at the helm, back in the 70s Celtics magic was all over the NBA. Red Auerbach’s disciples led the Lakers to the promised land, many had hoped the same could be said for the Bullets. Entering the ‘75 Finals versus Golden State, the Bullets were thought to have the more complete team and favored in the series – only to be swept, losing the first and last game in front of their home fans. 

Just when the Bullets thought they couldn’t fall any lower, they lose to the Cavaliers in the Miracle at Richmond and Jones was kicked to the curb. Dick Motta is hired, the Bullets are wandering the scene in search of a purpose. Then all of a sudden the 44-38 Bullets, who were considered long shots to win the championship in 1978 found their moniker “It Ain’t Over ‘til The Fat Lady Sings” and finally climbed the mountain. 

Who said Bullets?

Through all of that, the biggest change the Bullets made was they signed Big Game Bob Dandridge (who was the Robert Horry ‘glue guy’ of his generation). From all the Perseverance Championship Teams, the Bullets are the ones who came out of nowhere. 

The Dr. J-era 76ers nearly won the finals in his first year, took a 2-0 lead over Portland, then Maurice Lucas fought Daryl Dawkins and helped them rediscover their mojo and the series was considered a runaway after that. They make it back in 1980, but the Lakers are deeper than they are and win in six. They lose a heartbreaker to Boston in ‘81 when they’d be favored over Houston had they won. Andrew Toney comes into his own in ‘82, murders Boston, but they still aren’t better than the Lakers. Their version of the Smart trade was moving beloved, long-standing center Dawkins for MVP Moses Malone. They ripped through the ‘83 season, went “Fo Fi Fo” en route to the title. 

Teams can come back from heartbreak, shake off the losses but after a while you need something dramatic to happen that shakes up the formula to give them the best chance to get over the hump. When Brad Stevens traded Marcus Smart for Porzingis this was one of those moments. 

When Danny Ainge departed, the shift from big game hunting towards empowering what they already had. Brad Stevens inherited the Celtics at a moment of crisis. Tatum was good, nobody knew how good. Kemba Walker was making a lot of money and was on the fast track to being out of the league. Stevens was quick, smart and not afraid to do what seemed unpopular at the time and that was empowering Smart by making him the point guard. Bringing back Al Horford when most of the NBA intelligentsia thought he was washed. 

The 2022 team was a test of faith in the home grown, 2023 was a harsh reality check. The 2024 Celtics are reminiscent of the 1984 Celtics, with Bill Fitch playing the role of Smart. A change was in order, the formula had grown stale.

Despite the noise both locally and nationally, the smart money the whole year was on the Celtics. Early on you felt something special was unfolding. After years of the breaks beating the boys, the boys began beating breaks.

Stevens knew he couldn’t help the Celtics to the fullest as the coach, and so he became the general manager and constructed the best team of the decade (so far). The 2024 Celtics net rating equaling the 2017 Warriors mark of 11.6, tying for third best in NBA history, second to the 1996 and 1997 Bulls. But the late-90s NBA was diluted by expansion. This era has more talent, is more skilled and better coached. There aren’t any “easy wins” anymore. 

Moving on from Smart allowed Derrick White to take on a bigger responsibility. What Smart provided was essential, but what held the team back was the psychological hold he had on the team. When possessions bogged down in crunch time, Tatum and Brown deferred to the alpha Smart who was left with little recourse but to shoot a low-percentage shot. The Jays needed to be pushed out of the nest. 

Tatum asserted himself more as an on-ball player, acting as the de facto point guard at certain times. His passing took a massive step forward, after many years of growing pains Tatum learned how to contribute when the jump shot abandoned him. 

What the Celtics accomplished is a testament to their ability to shrug off countless setbacks, and the front office for not falling in love with chasing big names. I don’t know how many front offices wouldn’t have traded Brown for Kevin Durant two-years ago. How many teams can ignore the incessant noise demanding the Jays be broken up, citing redundancy as the contributing factor why they haven’t taken that final step. 

The final marks: 80-21 in total, 16-3 in the playoffs. They are the first team in seven years to win the title after sporting the best regular season record. From the first game of the season until the last the Celtics were the best team in the world and despite all the noise, nobody came close to stopping them. 

The Celtics managed the health of Horford and Porzingis masterfully, even when the latter was felled by not one but TWO injuries in the postseason, the Celtics saw the adversity, ate it up and spit it out. They faced it all and they stood tall and did it their way.

Vinny Jace appears on the Entitled Weekend podcastHe does not live along the parade route.

6/26/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Coach Joe. A sicko, but our sicko.

If I were Michael Hurley, I would simply not be terrible and unfunny.

Giddey. Caruso. The rare impactful honky-for-honky trade.

It’s bad enough when these NFL draft morons ‘grind tape!’ We’re supposed to believe that some whore from Florida with saggy silver dollar flapjacks is watching junior hockey?

if there isn’t already a Boston championships parade shirt with “we’ll duck you up”/“time to get ducked up”/“let’s ducking go” and a duck boats illustration……… we need it

Has anyone been bitten by a shark while hoisting the Stanley Cup?

Lukaku is Congolese for the ‘cattle are dying.’

Cakes are cooking for Rober Davi, Tara VanDerveer, Mick Jones, Chris Issak, Patty Smyth, Greg LeMond, Harriet Wheeler, Pamela Wright, Kirk McLean, Shannon Sharpe, Nick Offerman, Paul Thomas Anderson, Gretchen Wilson, Derek Jeter, Chad Pennington, Michael Vick, Casey Desmond, Jennette McCurdy, and Ariana Grande.

Just once in my life, I want to witness twin tornadoes so I can exclaim to no one in particular, “Ok…we got sisters!”

I’m gonna use a saying my dad told me years ago in relations to Gisele ..if you’re gonna build your house on the golf course..then you can’t complain when the golf balls start coming thru the window

The Knicks paid out way more for Brooklyn’s Bridges than the Dutch originally did for the island of Manhattan!

What good is the “eye test” when you don’t know what you’re looking at?

Red Line Reminder: Beginning at 8:30 PM on Friday, June 28, and through the weekend of June 29-30 Alewife Trains bypass Kendall/MIT Station due to construction. Riders can transfer, for free, at Central or Charles/MGH.

The Negro League kept better records than Sal.

Hey gang that definitely has no cultist tendencies, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m not in a cult retard.”

So every “Heat Culture” loser currently peacocking over a Fort Lauderdale hockey team’s heimlich maneuver Game 7 win were discounting the Celtics three-loss playoff performance last week, yes?

We are not perfect ..remember that ..

The worst thing about Italians is they don’t realize they should be ashamed of being Italian.

July is almost here which means it’s time for another round of my Zoom workshop for aspiring sportswriters. Been incredible seeing many who have taken it in press boxes all over this year. Come learn what it takes to break in. Email bychriscotillo@gmail.com for info/pricing.

People who like Keefe are the same people who go into a taproom with a selection of 100 beers and order a Miller Lite.

Do you think Aidan Kearney would drink Karen Read’s toilet water? I do.

Last chance to be 1 of 5 picked to win $10000 cash if you throw a FB through a car window from 12-2 tomorrow at Albrecht Chrysler Jeep Dodge Ram in Westboro. Sign up at dealership.

Photograph your living room and post it in the comments.

The only thing Todd McShay should be providing any opinions on is appearing on ESPN drunk out of his mind.

People I know, places I go, make me feel tongue-tied.
And I can see how, people look down,
They’re on the inside.

Here’s where the story ends.

People I see, weary of me showing my good side.
And I can see how people look down,
I’m on the outside.

Here’s where the story ends.
Oh, here’s where the story ends.

It’s that little souvenir, of a terrible year, which makes my eyes feel sore.
Oh, I never should have said, the books that you read were all I loved you for.
It’s that little souvenir, of a terrible year, which makes me wonder why.
And it’s the memories of your shed, that make me turn red.
Surprise, surprise, surprise.

One thing I will never do is debate Boston sports on Twitter with a fan who roots for teams in four different states. Not to be a snob but we are not the same.

My estimate is that had face masks not been invented, major league baseball would now result in the deaths of an estimated 4.6 umpires per month.

Honk if you remember Earl Wilson’s no-hitter against the Angels on this day.

I’ve been a Taylor Swift fan for a long time and I’m so happy her and Travis Kelce are together. Travis is the first guy that truly feels madly in love with her and she deserves that. If they end up getting married, I’ll be very happy about that too.

All real Bruins fans use “Y’all” liberally on social media.

When there is more than just cheese it ceases to be a grilled cheese sandwich.

People regarded Jordan & Pippen as a Batman & Robin situation as opposed to a Superman & Batman partnership and that affected how every other basketball duo was viewed in the past 35 years… Jayson Tatum & Jaylen Brown are more like Iron Man & War Machine or Cable & Deadpool.

Dan Le Betard’s expanded universe of Hispanics must be stopped.

That fat Mets fan Frank is going to be a pallbearer at RA’s funeral, sponsored by DraftKings & Dude Wipes.

Scottie Scheffler has the slow beating heart of a criminal.

Grapefruit League Babe Ruth Bobby Dalbec with two home runs for the Woo Sox last night?

What’s Alan Jackson’s favorite client to fuck? The next one.

Happy trails to you, Linus Ullmark. I bet the Bussin’ Bussi likes hugs, too though. And fire engines.

The kids who say “Play ball” before an MLB game hold so much power. What happens if they refuse to say it? Do we just not play?

Julio Foolio was just turning his life around.

Chris Cotillo’s Zoom workshops have bigger audiences than some of these Stanley Cup appearances in south Florida.

Best bet for the weekend: The Swiss over Italy in the Euro.

Not Pictured: Perk.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I will be taking next week off. Something will run in this place. Enjoy the 4th.

BdlG, as good as the Larry O’Brien Trophy? Or maybe slightly better?
That’s not how it works. That’s not how any of this works.

6/19/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

They wanted Boston. They got Boston.

Winning is great. Winning that makes everyone else hysterically sad is even better.

No one dotted Dugie? Sad!

Jaylen Brown Finals MVP. He did spend some of that Supermax contract money attending a Sick Handlez Camp!

Willie Mays. You Say Hey, we all say goodbye. OOTG’s.

I’m in tears knowing Bill Russell’s widow was in Dallas for Game 4, and in Boston for Game 5.

Meanwhile, if wasn’t already, Bryson DeChambeau sure seems to have become this weekend what golf is continually seeking: A needle mover.

Dave Brown peacocking from his long dormant & locked Twitter account is peak Dave Brown.

Cakes are cooking for Salman Rushdie, Ann Wilson, Duane Kuiper, Larry Dunn, Kathleen Turner, Paula Abdul, Simon Wright, Mia Sara, Poppy Montgomery, Robin Tunney, Doug Mientkiewicz, Dirk Nowitzki, Garfield the Cat, Zoe Saldana, Jason White, and Macklemore.

Not only was that an all-time US Open, but my daughters wanted to learn more about the game, and I got to talk through the back nine with my dad at the house like we used to do after my tournaments and biggest rounds. Happy Father’s Day, everyone. It was a memorable one over here.

Having proper Sunday night HBO programming back is the best. It dominates social media the next day. We are so back.

Tons of people were helped by Jerry West admitting to being a maniac. Many cases of lives saved. “The Logo” taught me that it’s ok to not be ok.

Orange Line Reminder: Service changes for bridge and track work June 22-23: Shuttle buses replace service between Oak Grove & North Station June 24-30: Shuttle buses replace service between Wellington & North Station. Commuter Rail is fare free between Oak Grove & North Station.

Hopefully the next time all these Patriots greats are together is at RKK’s funeral.

Ime Udoka passed this up for pussy.

I don’t know how long ago Dennis Drinkwater’s seat moved to the aisle but how does he get into it? Does he hop over the back? Need to know.

Will Buck be wearing his Donnie Beardlsey skinsuit on one of the duckboats Friday?

Edmonton has now won twice, a win for each boob flashed by that nice lady.

Suggestion for Friday’s Celtics parade: Reserve one Duck-Boat for Wyc Grousbeck and his band, and play a Dead set to bring Bill Walton into the event. “Ripple” for respect.

Al Horford, aka the Dominican Don Nelson.

Don’t know about you guys, but it’s really scary to think that any one of us could be locked up if we drunkenly backed over a Boston cop. If they can do it to her, they can do it to YOU.

Hey gang of morons, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m still peeling confetti off me.”

Not great for the Woman In Sports™ brand that a hard 4 who grifts online retards considers herself part of the group.

Uh oh. Cotillo’s back on the soft serve.

Out of Jayson Tatum’s 40 highest priced purchased cards, only 3 were bought this year.

Trying to imagine what Bill’s reaction would have been if Brian, Stephen, or Amanda hade ever brought home a Cheerleader/Entrepeneur/Philosopher to meet dad.

This has been the longest day I wish I had more energy for the Celtics tweets 😦 I’ll be obnoxious all month if they win don’t worry.

‘Riding the side boards’ sounds like a 1940’s euphemism for gay sex.

I just wish Fergie would do every NBA Finals anthem.

The flow of porn spam from the usual suspects on Twitter has disappeared from my feed, and I have mixed feelings now that nobody seems to be trying to scam me. It’s like “wait, am I not worth the effort to try to steal from anymore?”

Abby didn’t need any gay champagne goggles.

Huh. I wonder why Bill forgot to mention the backstabbing rat of an in-over-his-head linebackers coach.

This human Subaru just femsplained to literal DNA forensic scientists the science of forensic DNA detectability.

Bill Clinton don’t become Willie Mays.

Sometimes I just shut up and let my past work talk. I earned these two days off and I’m going to enjoy every, single, minute of it.

PFF geting Betamaxed out of existence wouldn’t be terrible.

My favorite thing about watching women’s basketball is that they actually post up and use low post moves. It’s a lost art in the men’s game.

When the Starks & Baratheons get these blonde freaks up outta here >>>>>

Have the Revs turned a corner?

In the Boston Celtics 17 NBA Championships it has taken them an average of 6.12 games to win in the NBA Finals.

‘Claudia Bellofatto’ is a made-up name.

I can look out from the roof of this building I’m on and see five other buildings that I built. Three of which I saw from steel beam to final clean. I built half this block.

Today would be a great day for the race war to kickoff. Just like the Tet Offensive.

Gonna see the river man.
Gonna tell him all I can
About the plan
For lilac time.

If he tells me all he knows
‘Bout the way his river flows.
And all night shows
In summertime.

Fun Fact: women were disallowed from serving on juries in Massachusetts until 1950.

Somewhere in this town, there are crab legs & I’m gonna go eat more of them than the Rangers had hits Sunday.

Probably a relief to Jerry West that he didn’t have to see another Celtics championship.

Would you rather have one 12-foot statue of Tom Brady or twelve 1-foot statues of Tom Brady?

Narrator: The Mavericks as it turns out did not figure out the Celtics’ scheme.

There are too many withdrawals, no deposit , You can’t grow like that !!!

Wonder if Bill saved Linda’s fake cans for the new girl.

I’ve never figured out how they keep the baseball IN the hat when the hat jumps in the air during that dancing-hat thing where they want you to guess which hat has the ball.

With the Finals being over, how will people now learn that there is a new Bad Boys movie in theaters?

Honk if you remember Brett Hull’s Stanley Cup winning ‘no goal.’

That wasn’t a travel on Prichard’s beyond halfcourt halftime buzzer-beating three, it was a Eurostep.

Linda Cohn is still on TV? Well good for her!

I’m still trying to see ‘likes’ on Twitter like Homer Simpson forgetting to dial the new area code.

It’s really not like Anna Horford to use her brother’s fame to curry favor.

Imagine if Danny and Brad took advice from the radio talking men and the ink-stained wretches. lol

Belichick can probably still kill spiders and open tight jar lids at his age.

Also, I want the repaired Christopher Columbus statue the city is too scared to put back up riding on one of the duckboats.

If The Sports Hub had a Kevin, I think I’d know about it.

Best bet for the weekend: Ocean State Job Lot starts selling the ‘NBA Players Association’ championship merch.

Tom. Patriots Hall of Famer.
Eeep.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Dan Kelley, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column

And Happy Birthday to Czech supermodel Veronika Vařeková. Všechno nejlepší k narozeninám!

6/12/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Big Day here.
Big Day there.

Lou thinks the first pitch home run was a bad way to start the homestand.

What if the Red Sox Twitter account changed their pfp for Pride Month to a zesty pic of Freddy Lynn, would that be okay?

When I was an opinion on an athlete’s ability to be athletic, I go straight to the two guys who can’t ride on an elevator together.

Dave O’Brien talking to Whitlock and his bionic arm and giving him “congratulations” on his birthday. Aspy!

Retinaculum? Damn near killed him!

If by ‘thriving’ you mean pulling in less revenue than the NBA G League last season, your players constantly bitching about low pay, bad accommodations, and having to play in Russia in the offseason to make ends meet, then yes, the WNBA was absolutely thriving before Caitlin Clark arrived.

Half of the crew in one of America’s most enduring movies were from Boston. Ray Bolger (Scarecrow) was a Dot guy. And Jack Haley (Tin Man) was born in Boston and grew up in Newton.

Trolls profit when you pay them with your attention.

Cakes are cooking for Marv Albert, Bun E. Carlos, Terry Alderman, Timothy Busfield, Jenilee Harrison, Mark Calcavecchia, Rod Latham, Derek Higgins, Paula Marshall, Gwen Torrence, Ryan Klesko, Hideki Matsui, DJ Qualls, and Jrue Holiday.

“We head back to Dallas,” they keep saying. That’s weird, as the series hasn’t been there yet.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

The NBA Finals will go at least 4 games and at most 7 games. Only 2 games have been played. That means there is at least 50% of the Finals yet to be played and up to 71.4% remaining. So, nobody should be concerned with who the 2024 NBA Finals Most Valuable Player yet.

RIP Chet Walker. You ain’t been up-faked until you’ve been up-faked by Chet “The Jet” Walker.

And then there’s Jerry West. He will be looking up and smiling at the Lakers all next season.

Seeing as CapFriendly’s days appear to be numbered (at least as a free site), I’d expect @PuckPedia to do what CF did after CapGeek’s pioneering run ended and fill the void. Can be the digital version of Williams to Yaz to Rice.

It’s been so long since the #Celtics clinched the ECF that I think Tatum retired and Deuce is starting at the 4.

Shukri’s life demonstrates the power of taking calculated risks.

I love the idea of “Yacht Rock.” But every time I turn it on, it’s more like “Every Song From 40 Years Ago That You Couldn’t Change Fast Enough Back Then.”

Looser orifice? Jerod Mayo’s mouth or Karen Read’s ‘balloon knot?’

I had some cilantro rice last night and enjoyed it. What a cocksucker I turned out to be.

Are we supposed to know what a Funko Pop is?

Tough for the USMNT to get the talent it needs with all the kids playing cricket nowadays.

Hey gang of pillheads, this Week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Leave her alone, NYP.”

Aaron Rodgers is skipping all of Jets mandatory minicamp this week because he prefers to be somewhere else away from football. That’s his choice.

Dart Adams didn’t get a New England Emmy Award for the Bell Biv DeVoe at Fenway Park Special?

To the good, the WCVB Eye Opener Team won a local Emmy, but then so did The Phantom Gourmet and Charlie Moore the Mad Fisherman.

This team of chokers has a Celtics franchise record for most consecutive playoff wins.

Creep don’t sleep.

Is all of Rhode Island under construction? Disgusting.

Wherever you go, I’ll be with you.
Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.
Whenever you need someone,
To lay your heart and head upon.

Remember, after the fire, after all the rain,
I will be the flame;
I will be the flame.

Who knew that Turtleboy fans were so sensitive about salty language? The MSP, they’re cops, not fops.

So many young ladies with numerical surnames.

Honk if you remember Chick Corea.

A good college basketball coach at a big school can stay there 25, 30, 40 years. I don’t know that that happens too often in the NBA.

Make a series of it, willya Edmonton?

We get it, Coach Mayo, the bad man is gone, so let’s do some performative charity work. Hey, the team has all summer to learn those fourteen word play calls, right?

Deuce Tatum is like Benjamin Button, but instead of aging in reverse, he just keeps getting whiter.

Nice stupid tits, Ashley; those will age well.

Sorry to hear Jonathan had another box factory emergency to attend to and missed the festivities later today.

I enjoy all length of socks.

if I was a horse I’d be down on my fetlocks praying Mut doesn’t bet on me.

Winning on the opponent’s floor wouldn’t be bad, Celtics.

Best bet for the weekend: a confusing Father’s Day at Clint Eastwood’s.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Dan Kelley, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Let’s gooooo!!!

And Happy Birthday to Brazilian supermodel Adriana Lima, who would probably never marry and then divorce a famous athlete. Wait, what?

June TO’s & Threes – Celtics Column

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice…

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

Ever since Joe Mazzulla became the Celtics head coach the importance of winning the math battle took front and center among the team’s priorities. So even as Boston shot their poorest, (10-39 from beyond the arc) they didn’t let the results or Dallas dictate their gameplan.

For two games Boston found themselves without their best player, Tatum could not go far without being smothered and often found himself unable to get open. This led to Tatum to becoming a facilitator, driving to the basket like a point guard, 18 drives in game one, 29 in game 2. Through his shooting woes, Tatum’s playmaking shines averaging 10 assist in the two Celtics victories. Defensively what Tatum has done, being tasked with guarding the opposing teams center, he played his part limiting Dallas’s ability to attack the paint through lobs.

The combination of Boston possessing so many on-ball playmakers, and Kristaps Porzingis and Al Horford forcing defenses to guard beyond the arc, drags Dallas’s bigs away from the basket and even if the help collapses on Tatum he can kick it to an open shooter in the corners.

What Boston is exploiting is the splendors of a five-out lineup, while Dallas struggles to hide their weakest link. While Luka shoots an impressive 51% from the field, averaging a strong 31 points, what he is unable to do is establish consistent ball movement into Dallas’ preferred areas on the floor. Boston just doesn’t fear the likes of P.J Washington and Derrick Jones Jr when left open above the break and they’ve given them no reason to think otherwise. Until a Maverick not named Luka or Kyrie Irving show they can make Boston pay for leaving them open, then those corner threes won’t be an option for the series.

All this and more.

While Tatum is guarding bigs and out-muscling them for hard fought rebounds, Luka is moving like there is lead in his feet. His shot is still there, the step back triple and mid-ranger is still dependable. However, for a player not exactly known for his defense, Luka has given an effort even below his expectations. Players like Daniel Gafford are supposed to cover up for Dončić, protecting the rim when the opponent blows by the latter. Yet, Dončić is unable to do that in this clip right here. All he has to do is get Tatum to go left where Gafford will be there near the rim to help, but instead he lets him go right.

Celtics have an opportunity this week to continue their road playoff winning streak Wednesday night, and then possibly to return home with no one left to beat.

Vinny Jace appears on the Entitled Weekend podcastHe does not live deep in the heart of Texas.

6/5/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Go fill in the blank spaces, Celtics.

The way I keep it straight is, it’s the ‘Stanley Cup Final’, because final and NHL both end in L, and it’s the ‘NBA Finals’ because basketball and association both contain at least one letter S.

The Red Sox should consider installing a dugout escalator.

The Cooper Flagg race war is going to make this Caitlin shit look positively warm and fuzzy.

Mayo answering a coaching philosophy question is like Trump answering a question about his favorite Bible verse.

What the hell is Dave O’Brien talking about? The only thing preventing Sox fans from really diving in to support them is a 10-game winning streak, a no hitter, or a player hitting 14 HRs in a month. Oh, is that all?

It’s Men’s Mental Health Month, too.

Volunteered to help my wife teach her kindergarten class last Friday. My doctor says I should recover in 4 to 6 weeks!!

There’s nothing white women in their 20s love more than saying they’re bisexual.

As much as a pain in the ass as social media is at times, I’m so thankful I get to keep in touch with my childhood friends. Watching people you have loved at different points in life grow up is so freakin’ cool.

When is the joint Rangers/Knicks “We would have won if…” parade?

Cakes are cooking for Robert Kraft, Colm Wilkinson, John Carlos, Freddie Stone, Laurie Anderson, Ellen Foley, Kathleen Kennedy, Michael “Nicko” McBrain, Kenny G, Richard Butler, Jeff Garlin, Ron Livingston, Izabella Scorupco, Mark Wahlberg, Chuck Klosterman, Lamon Brewster, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Jason White, Pete Wentz, and Marques Colston.

Every sports radio caller is a proud graduate of Red Auerbach Coaching Academy.

I loved G & R’s ‘Chinese Dentistry’ album.

Fun Fact: Edmonton sits at 53.5461 degrees North. Sunrise, FLA sits at 26.1670 degrees North. The 2024 Stanley Cup Final competitors have the largest difference in latitude of any championship series in the history of North American professional sports.

A great birthday gift for Al Horford? A championship ring with the #DifferentHere

Green Line D Branch and Green Line E Branch: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a wire car performing preventative maintenance on the overhead catenary.

That make-out session with another girl after two and a half hard seltzers in college doesn’t make you bi, toots.

If Nickelback has no fans, I am deceased.

Tucupita Marcano sounds like a Jason Bourne alias to get through security at the airport, or maybe a dessert at Table.

Bill the GM doesn’t get any credit for getting rid of Loose Change Chase Winovich?

Being a kid with rich parents doesn’t seem to be as great as it sounds.

Oh wow the morbidly obese autist is a pedophile?

A mix pack that is 4 different kinds of India Pale Ales is not a mix pack, beer brewing people.

Did Rex Chapman just invent Birthdays?

If anyone needs me tonight, I’ll be dragging a naked and screaming Bob Cousy down Tremont Street while I demand that horrified onlookers “give him his flowers” before he dies.

Hey gang of folks with discerning palates, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I bet you eat hot dogs for dinner regularly.”

Everyone forgets the 3OT game against the Suns.

We completed the construction of the first Air Rights project since the 1970’s back in January. We built six stories of a 17-story building over the 93 on-ramp. This would be the second. Nice try though.

Why do geese have 9,000 babies? Do they listen to Marvin Gaye or what??

Rough Game 5, Timberwolves. I hadn’t seen a beating like that in Minnesota since George Floyd.

Perk looks and talks like he’s the Moon in a children’s storybook.

Vaya con Dios, Vanessa Welch and Kate Merrill. Good luck in your future endeavors.

Knock down the old grey wall.
Be a part of it all.
Nothing to say, nothing to see, nothing to do.

If you would give me all
As I would give it to you.
Nothing would be, nothing would be, nothing would be.

No matter where you go.
There will always be a place
Can’t you see it in my face, girl?
Ooh, girl, want you.

If I looked like a black Jocelyn Wildenstein, I would probably be angry all the time too.

Honk if you remember Hip Zepi USA.

A first baseman CAN make a quite significant contribution to the defensive success of his team. However, only a few first basemen do. Any rare skill presents a challenge to analysts.

Don’t believe Porzingis when he says he’s100%, Green teamers.

Steelers stalwart Larry Allen dead at 52, very sad. Huh? He played for Dallas? Well, I saw the age and just, well, you know…

Maybe the baseball players shouldn’t bet on baseball games?

Confusing I-93 and the Mass Pike is the kind of Generalship that leads to fighting the Battle of Bunker Hill in the wrong location.

Additional Fun Fact: Edmonton has a larger population than Chelmsford, Andover, and Lewiston combined.

The Celtics winning made the termites in Doris’s dentures cry.

Where is the Isobel Cup?

Maybe it’s not a great idea to take life lessons from a rapist. Just sayin’.

That nice Ginger Zee lady would have told Ike 80 years ago the weather across the English Channel was clearing.

Best bet for the weekend: a different horse wins the Belmont Stakes.

Is it sexist to say that outfit looks terrible when I could see Jayson Tatum wearing the exact same thing, pocketbook included?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Lookin’ at the devil, grinnin’ at his gun, Fingers start shakin’, I begin to run. Bullets start chasin’, I begin to stop, We begin to wrestle, I was on the top.

And a fair dinkum of a happy birthday to gold medal-winning Australian swimmer Emily Seebohm.

5/30/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

ECF MVP. OK. FCHWPO.

Did they fire Mazzulla yet? They’ve got a week to find a real coach.

Solid effort PWHL Boston. Get ’em next go around.

Is Zach Cox still trespassing at Gillette?

Bill Walton. Aw, man. Sad news. Second member of 1986 Cs to pass away.

Sox in worse shape in Baltimore than the Francis Scott Key Bridge is.

Nick Cattles should strive to be one-tenth as entertaining as that ChatGPT feature about him was.

Why is everyone ignoring Ant’s ability to force a Game Seven?

“You flail at 100% of the takes you don’t verbalize.” – Mark Dondero. Probably.

Cakes are cooking for Barry Clifford, P.J. Carlesimo, Stephen Tobolowsky, Colm Meaney, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Ted McGinley, Kevin Eastman, Wynonna Judd, Billy Donovan Jr., Adele Dazeem, Manny Ramirez, Je’Rod Cherry, Marissa Mayer, Jordan Palmer, and Sam Baker.

Josef Newgarden proved once again he’s Penske material at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

They actually said that Angel Hernadez is retiring ‘to spend more time with his family?’ lol.

Hey Cattles, Jess Moran could probably use some help on her food truck. Still a Y especially if she brings a lobster roll for later. I’d reweave the netting on her lobster traps, heh heh. I may be doing this wrong.

Cedric Maxwell had to present the Larry Bird trophy? Oof.

If Emilee Dennis let Rotillo hit it we wouldn’t have the RSLO clothing line.

I would’ve liked to smoke some gay weed with Bill Walton.

Boston goalie Aerin Frankel with 41 saves. Crowd chants, “Frankel, Frankel, Frankel” at the game’s end.

Scottie Scheffler chose the high road.

Orange Line Reminder: Through June 6 No Train service between Wellington & Back Bay for bridge and track work. Use Buses between Wellington & North Station. Use Green Line between North Station & Copley. Use Commuter Rail Haverhill Line at North Station, Malden Center & Oak Grove.

BC Women’s lax are your NCAA champions.

The Cape Cod Times is looking for a HS sports reporter. This has the potential to be a great gig for an early 20-something looking to break in.

Alex Karaban is returning to UConn.

Fans of a .500 team overreact to every win and loss. A good team, you know you can’t win them all; a 100-loss team, you get used to it. A .500 team, emotionally you’re as good as the last 24 hours.

I forgot to listen to the Johnston, Roche, and Cattles Holiday Fill-in Show!

Karl Anthony Towns is the worst all-star in the league.

Hey gang of male feminists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Nobody works harder than women in sports.”

More resumes should say “34DD.”

Holiday is who everybody convinced themselves Smart was.

Game 3 of the 2024 Eastern Conference Finals should forever be referred to in history as Jrue’s Non-Covid Illness Game.

Home track win for Chuc Leclerc at the Monaco Grand Prix.

When the Celtics fail to execute in crunch time, they’re losers. When their opponent fails to execute in crunch time, they should’ve won! got it.

You say that you love me (say you love me)
All of the time (all of the time)
You say that you need me (say you need me)
You’ll always be mine (always be mine)

I’m feelin’ glad all over.
Yes, I’m glad all over.
Baby, I’m glad all over.
So glad you’re mine.

Have fewer electrical outlets. And have more furniture blocking access to the few there are.

I can draw up inbounds plays that don’t work too. Just sayin’.

Lonzo Ball says he had to get a new meniscus from a donor because of how severe his injury became.

Honk if you remember the TV movie, Brian’s Song.

I don’t know Ma, what do you think they serve at “Just Salads?”

Thinking heavily of Bill Walton, Tommy Heinsohn, Red Auerbach, KC Jones, and Sam Jones tonight as the #DifferentHere Boston #Celtics punch another ticket to the #NBAFinals.

Trop Pants! > $80 Pants

I could watch Pop Douglas run routes against air all day. The No. 3 looks good on him, too.

Bradley Beal has a son named “Deuce.” Makes you think.

Have Goodman and Perk ever done a podcast together? The universe would implode in a singularity of stupid.

Friendly reminder to be nice to your veterinary staff on holiday weekends.

I can’t be the only one who saw that woman take her jersey off behind the Dallas Stars bench.

Best bet for the weekend: Oliers & Panthers advance to The Cup.

Makes you think.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Dan Kelley, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Rock the Casbah.

And Happy Birthday to tech CEO Marissa Mayer-hold on, I’m being told this is actually model Marissa Miller. Well, the picture stays.

2024 Memorial Day Weekend Mixtape Playlist

(Dear The15net dot com Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is the now-traditional musical playlist for your Memorial Day enjoyment. Click HERE to download.)

Word Salad – Optum Men’s Chorale

Da Doo Doo Doo Da Da DeBrusk! – Jack Edwards & The Police

Winning (DNA) – Dondero

Subterranean TweetDeck Blues – Xob Dxlan

Call Me Kirkie – Cattles Rae Jepsen

Full Throttle! – The Edgar Winter Group

Workin’ 9 to 5 (one day a week) – Kenni Middleton

ABCTE – The Chapter 11

Unstable Woman Behind the Counter of a Sports Marketing Firm – Pearl Jan

If You Could Read My Mind – Karen Leadfoot

Don’t Drink the Shower Water – Gage Matthews Band

X’s My Life – Talk Text

Hey There Char Wilder – The Plain Black Hats

Easy Rider (To The Finals) – KOC and The Sunshine Bland

Ice Cold Drinks – Ron Muskmelon Catamount

In Memory of Cameron Reid – The MacAlbert Brothers Band

Love Horshack – The B52 Waistline

California Creamin – The Mamas and the (Missing) Papas

Do It Again – Rich and the Unlistenables

Performative Fandom Blues – Shukri and the Thirst-Traps

Grippy Sock Vacation – Cosplaying Despondency

Stayin’ Alive – The CHB Gees

Smite You With My Spite Zoo – Richie Shirts

Emergency at the Cardboard Box Factory – The Shadow GM

Overture from ‘Spamalot’ – The Framingham Youthful Offender Light Opera Company

Shape of My Enlarged Heart – The Bankroll Boys

Backstabbers – The May O’Jays

Miss Me (with that shit) Blind – No Culture Club

Smells Like Teen Spirit – The Snowmen

Yackety Yak – MayoWolf

Where’s the delivery, Kenneth! – J.E.E.P.

Beautiful Things – Benson Boone

Aidan and Abetting – Big House Bound

Meow (Mew) – Problematic Cat

Papelbon (Has Got it Goin’ On) – Six Danny Six

Devil’s Walking Stick – The Rex Burkhead Revival

Paper Scissors Rock – Mick Gindaloon and his Dumb Polacks

Homo Phone Homophones – Otto Core Wrecked

Off The Couch & In the Building – Ploverboy

California – Second Secret Son

Collaborate (Burn Some Cash) – INOVRHED

How Many Radio Stations Does Boston Have Anyway? (The 16th Place Song) -Meg O’Joansie & Whoever

Comfortably Dumb -Ben Volin

Mr. Jones and Me – The Squawking Crow

Very Believable Tales of Wonder – Buddhist Mink

Bar Pie Breakdown – The Dubious Brothers

Every Man Is Fighting a Cerrone Battle You Know Nothing About – Lord Acton

Yeah! (Daddy) – Lil Jon(athon)

Everybody’s Working But Dickerson – Whiney Boy

Shukri on the SEPTA – Flophouse

Something Stupid – All Hat Nick Cattles

Paprika Narcosis – Bath Salt Kratom

Visualization Of The Space Mind Gargamel Part XXVIII: Grip The Keys – Dero Spedes

Stolen Car – Beth Orton

Lucy May Never Win a Bet Again – Flex Seals & Crofts

A Bicycle Built For Two – Woby

Nothin’ but a G String” – Vernon Dozier

Drawing a Blank – Objectively Amy

Imaginary Uber Driver – Ladies In Sports

A Silo Is Just a Lighthouse That Hasn’t Earned Its Bell – Fort Foxborough Positivity Chorus & Carillon

(Have a song suggestion? Or a compliment? Leave it in the comments!)

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