2/28/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Well, bye.

Peter King. A true journalist that could be bought for a lifetime by a ride to an NFL training camp and a plate of cafeteria scrambled eggs. Mr. King plans to spend his retirement with his family and learning to recognize subtle social cues.

You are gonna have to try a little harder Grim Reaper to get ol’ Jeff Howe!

So now the Sox have a Jason Alexander and the grandson of the actor who played Mr. Ross. Maybe Crazy Joe Davola has a nephew who can really hit.

I feel like the owner shouldn’t continually repeat the story about calling the coach a schmuck.

After watching most of two hockey games on TNT, I can’t get “The Rhythm of the Slice” out of my head.

Yes, but storming the court is also awesome.

Cakes are cooking for Mario Andretti, Donnie Iris, Mike Figgis, William Finn, Ricky ‘the Dragon’ Steamboat, Cindy Wilson, Rae Dawn Chong, Djamolidine Abdoujaparov, Tim Goad, Shawn McEachern, Eric Lindros, Jason Aldean, Jamaal Tinsley, Natalia Vodianova, Karolína Kurková, Jelena Janković, and Luka Dončić.

Oh waaaah; I’m so lonely playing basketball for 50 million a year. If only I was in Florida I wouldn’t be as lonely.

Does Fanatics know that their baseball pants are sheer? does Fanatics know that their baseball pants are going to be like a wet t-shirt contest after one inning?

The winners in the NFL salary cap spike? Everyone. But an especially big win for quality players at premium positions. Teams have that much more room to reset the market (hello, Justin Jefferson) or pay very good players near the top of the market.

Imagine thinking we have an ethos.

I am officially convinced the people who run MLB are brain dead idiots. Lots of people like me want to see all 30 ballparks. So smartly I wanted to kill two birds with one stone and see both Baltimore and Washington on the same weekend this summer. However, the geniuses who run the game didn’t schedule both the Orioles and Nationals to be home on the same weekend ONCE ALL SUMMER. Like who the hell is making the decisions down there good grief wake up.

The Red Sox not jumping on making Mike Monaco full time is insane.

A thought while reading the tributes to Peter King. Don’t measure your success on who you stepped over in your climb, but by those you carried along the way. Be respectful of others. I think that’s forgotten lately, and the best tribute to Peter King is to be a Peter King.

Ok but why is CVS the most expensive store for no reason?

Hey gang of ribald comedy enthusiasts, this week’s Phrase that pays is, “Was Meat vaxxed?”

Update: Lonzo Ball is still unable to sprint.

Michael Holley talking about Bill’s hubris is incredible.

Watched a college game tonight with Drew Carter on the call and he’s a billion times better when he’s not giggling and jerking Scalabrine off.

Lemon trees don’t make a sound,
’til branches bend and fruit falls to the ground, baby,
Sweet baby.

Swayman with more rebounds than Carrie Bradshaw.

Does everyone remember that one day like seven years ago when we thought male rompers were gonna be a thing and everyone did the funniest tweets about it? Best day in Twitter history.

India will never make a World Cup in soccer.

We were at the beach.
Everybody had matching towels.
Somebody went under a dock,
And there they saw a rock.
It wasn’t a rock’
It was a rock lobster!

Rock lobster!

Rock lobster!

Rock lobster.
Rock lobster.

You ever get to the bottom of a bag of coffee grounds and realize you have no idea what this one specifically tastes like? Couldn’t pick that flavor from a lineup. Drank it exhausted for two weeks, don’t think I noticed what I was drinking once. Forgettable. It was just…coffee.

Hey @PFF, it looks like you have the Steelers and Rams reversed in Round 2 of your mock draft simulator (unless I’m missing something)

Damian Lillard is a huge loser who NBA fans treat like Kobe because he stayed in Portland longer than expecting before forcing his way out. I understand that NBA fans are by and large the vapidest dummies on earth but Christ. He’s never won shit and he comes off as a whiny little bitch. Play basketball and then go home and play video games with no financial worries? He’s living the life of a ten-year-old. Dame time.

I’ve never seen a single person inside a Mattress Firm.

My favorite thing about having a cat is when I come home we just softly scream at each other for an hour like sometimes us girlies just need to eckkk I think this is why my mom loves my cat so much too.

Fun Fact: the Bruins have Olympia Ice Resurfacers. First NHL team to own a Zamboni, first NHL team to get rid of Zamboni.

I don’t think I can ever leave Boston again because on any given weekday I can text my parents “what’s the move” like we’re frat brothers and they’ll actually respond with a move.

Full moons are one of life’s simple pleasures. They sneak up on you and they’re awesome.

Honk if you remember the final episode of M*A*S*H.

We are heartbroken to report that Flaco the Eurasian Eagle-Owl has died after an apparent collision with a building on West 89th Street in Manhattan.

Johnny Miller thinks Sean McAdam looks terrible.

Leap Day is the perfect time to end the overtime game streak, Bruins. Think about it.

Years back I ran into Don Rickles at Foxwoods and said hi. He made fun of me. Perfect celebrity interaction.

If the NWSL had pro/rel the USWNT would have beaten Mexico.

A: Zibby Puleio.

The Dynasty is the Star Trek V of Patriots documentaries.

Wait, full moons don’t sneak up on you; they happen on a regular and predictable basis.

Arguing that a player should be in the Hall of Fame because he is better than the worst mistake from the past is like arguing that I ate some spoiled fruit yesterday, so I should eat some more spoiled fruit today.

In sports!

B- for coach was the highest grade on the Patriots NFLPA report card. Belichick, owning.

Have more awards shows.

Best bet for the weekend: Celtics keep the win streak alive.

Flaco. Breathtaking, but sadly not elite.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Sixty, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Roam if you want to. Roam around the world.

And happy birthday to actress Ali Larter, who will always be Allegra Coleman to me.

Coach Mayo’s Patriots Media Happy Hour Concert!

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Robert and Jonathan Kraft are fully committed to easing the tensions and atoning for the inhuman working conditions at Gillette Stadium under the Previous Regime That Shall Not Be Named.

The Kraft Family pulled out all the stops for Coach Mayo’s Patriots Media Happy Hour this week, bringing in one of the great singer/songwriters of all time to entertain their esteemed media guests: The Piano Man, Billy Joel.

William. Martin. Joel.

It’s nine o’clock at Media Day

The regular slobs shuffle in

Krafty Bob’s seated next to me

Makin’ love to his tonic and gin

Here’s to metal benches and custodians!

He says, “Son, can you play me a memory?

I’m not really sure how it goes

But it’s sad and it’s sweet and I knew it complete

When I was paying Bledsoe through the nose.”

Oh, la, la-la, di-di-da

La-la di-di-da, da-dum

“Remember when is the lowest form of conversation.”

Sing us a song, Mr. Charlatan

Sing us a song tonight

Well we’re all in the mood for some tummy rubs

And you’ve got us feelin’ all right

Now, Tom E. at the bar is a friend of mine

He gets me my drinks for free

And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke

But there’s someplace that he’d rather be

He said, “Phil, I believe this is killing me,”

As the smile ran away from his face

“Well, I’m sure I could nab Ian Rapoport’s job

If I could get out of this place.”

Think again, Joyboy.

Oh, la, la-la, di-di-da

La-la di-di-da, da-dum

Simple Ben is an idiot columnist

With a mail-order bride for a wife

And he’s talking with Dumb Andy

Who’s still on the JV

And probably will be for life

Actual size.

And Coach Mayo is practicing politics

While the mediots slowly get stoned

Yes, they’re sharing a drink called incompetence

But it’s better than drinking alone

Suck up to us, Mr. Charlatan

Suck up to us tonight

Well, we don’t really care if you win a game

As long as you serve us Bud Light

Stacey James, not #OOTG.

It’s a pretty good crowd for media day
And Stacey James gives me a smile
‘Cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see
To forget about Bill for a while

Ben McAdoo thinks it’s a carnival
And Van Pelt, he drinks all the beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say, “Man, thank god that you’re here.”

Oh, la, la-la di-di-da

La-la, di-di-da, da-dum…

Sing us a song, Mr. Charlatan

Sing us a song tonight

Well we’re all in the mood for tummy rubs

And you’ve got us feelin’ all right.

Miss me yet? You will.

2/21/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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JACKIE SLATERSON.

The Patriots new coaching staff is big enough to need its own post office and fire department.

Wow. That Nick Gemelli guy is somehow less funny than Plain Black Hat.

Notorious social butterfly Larry Bird.

The Red Sox roster looks pretty well set going into spring training. They just need to find the right people to fill in the last 17 or 18 roster spots.

Hey, Jaylen didn’t dribble the ball off his leg during the dunk contest!

William Byron won the Daytona 500 after rain forced the rescheduling of the event to Monday? That’s what happens when you build a racetrack so close to the Great Lakes.

We will take a shootout win to semi-salvage the homestand, Bruins. Good luck on the road trip.

Dan Shaughnessy had heart surgery? What, they finally gave him one?

Cakes are cooking for Bob Ryan, Tyne Daly, Olympia Snowe, Jerry Harrison, William Peterson, Kelsey Grammer, Alan Trammell, Jake Steinfeld, Chuck Palahniuk, Terry Allen, Wish Bone, Ashley Greene, and Phil Jones.

UMass won that one for “Trigger” Burke. RIP.

Just left the grocery store and I have a take: There are too many kinds of apples now. Not saying we should go back to just red but the number of options is confusing. Around 5 types of apples are enough.

It rocks that Sabrina Ionescu did that. great accomplishment. super fun. very rad event.

Hey gang of attention seekers, his week’s Phrase that Pays is, “How do you look at a baby and name it Kirk?”

Tony Mazz: ‘Caitlin Clark is the real deal.’ You think so, doctor?

I’m sure Mrs. Looch regrets saying whatever it was that made him angry. Please respect their privacy at this time.

Billionaires will always- always – billionaire.

Red Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to an earlier medical emergency at Park St. Trains may stand by at stations.

It’s funny that running only one mile per day didn’t do shit.

Bill looks like he’d rather be watching video of Linda getting her implants removed than being interviewed for The Dynasty documentary.

Going forward, there needs to be a 100 NBA minutes played that season minimum to participate in the dunk contest.

Yeah, I’m very much enjoying Heel Rock.

Why was Market Basket so crowded on Monday? was it because of the holiday and school vacation?

Caitlin Clark must get so much clam.

News item: Iditarod’s reigning rookie of the year disqualified from 2024 race for violating conduct standard. Also; the Iditarod has a conduct standard.

Steering with her knees, she’s got both hands free.
Using cruise control you know, reaching over she likes to tease.

She said, “Ride-
Rev it up, rev it up, little boy and ride”
She said, “Let’s ride-
Rev it up, rev it up, little boy and ride”

Just use your body, don’t need to hitch-hike
When you ride with me little boy take it any way you like.

Remember that period in the 1980s when there would be two or three new baseball movies every year? That was fun.

The Raiders are hiring former Dolphins head coach Joe Philbin as their new senior offensive assistant, source said. After spending time as the Cowboys OL coach and the Ohio State senior analyst, Philbin is back in the NFL to lend experience to Antonio Pierce.

Honk if you remember Eric Heiden.

So long Matthew Slater. You only get one of those. Aww yeah.

My favorite winter storm that changes track at the last minute and fizzles out? The next one.

“Oh boy, I’m not even sure I want a farewell tour!” said LeBron out loud to a question no one really asked.

Root canal? Not as painful as expected.

An A for effort from Sony Pictures for the pivot to, ‘Madam Web is SO bad, you HAVE to see it!’

Por vs Para is an important part of knowing Spanish.

National Lacrosse League announcing a relocation mid-season is absolutely wild and also I thought we were just past that kind of stuff.

The wing, that’s an important part of the airplane, right?

Drew not seeing the doc producer’s intent to make him look like an entitled jerk it may as well have been a disguised blitz package.

Best bet for the weekend: a still-smarting from the loss at Creighton UConn vs Villanova in Storrs on the night they retire Rip Hamilton’s jersey.

FFS.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Flying Under Radar.

And happy birthday to actress hyphen singer Jennifer Love Hewitt.

2/14/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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“I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

News Item: Kansas City Chiefs win Fairness Bowl I.

Don’t fret, local sports fans: Spring Training has started!

Have you been named a Patriots Assistant Coach? Are you sure? Check your spam folder.

The Super Bowl is Darren Rovell’s Super Bowl.

Post Malone looks like the desk you’d have to sit in during detention.

Brad Marchand: One. Thousand. Games.

Funny how the Joe Montana “Never lost a Super Bowl” GOAT threshold went ‘poof’ when it wasn’t Tom Brady threatening the title.

Was the SB Halftime Show sponsored by Valtrex?

Summary of advertising agencies intricate strategy for Super Bowl ads: “Look, here’s a celebrity!”

CGI Tim Wakefield on that Netflix Red Sox show is gonna give me all the feels.

Cakes are cooking for Carl Bernstein, Jackie Martling, Teller, Kevin Keegan, Alan Hunter, Jim Kelly, Enrico Colantoni, Jules Asner, Simon Pegg, Gheorghe Muresan, Drew Bledsoe, Rob Thomas, and Tyler Clippard.

Evander Kane don’t want no scrubs.

Queen Mina doesn’t need to grind tape. She knows the pew pew when she sees it live.

Bill Barnwell looks like a thumb’s big toe.

Usher’s catalog isn’t very poppy. They should have made the whole halftime show out of Luda.

Congratulations again to the Northeastern Huskies on their Beanpot win. Celebrate by spending another year in college.

It’s not the real meteorologists for the most part – it’s the asshole hobbyists with WX in their names that can’t wait to see a frontogenesisbomb! Wait until the 06z NAM!!! Same cut of prick that loves screaming Horns!! And Elevator Doors!!

Hey gang of chronic overthinkers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “We wanted the ball third.”

Seth Curry has played for more teams than Frankie de la Cretaz.

Green Line B Branch Update: Delays of about 20 minutes after an earlier switch problem near Copley. Riders may use Bus Rt 57 for alternate service between Kenmore and Packard’s Corner.

Theo’s first big move in Boston: Pearl Jam is coming back to play at Fenway.

Fuck, hate to see that shit happen anywhere to anyone. Just gutting to watch. Yet in the aftermath, the Rangers camaraderie—particularly Lafrenière— with a fallen peer was a heartwarming moment during a heartbreaking scene. Wishing the best for Sergachev.

why do blind people need to take photos?

Nate Burleson was dressed like a megachurch pastor about to go to jail for embezzlement.

Fun Fact: Karen Guregian and Gerry Callahan graduated together at Chelmsford HS in 1979. That’s a shitty senior class with lasting repercussions.

I’m sure this time the Fantastic Four movie won’t suck.

Super Bowl ads for Jesus and for lotion. Do people not know about these things already?

Jonny Miller only owns 1 outfit like Bart Simpson.

Am I the only one who always confused Charlotte Corday with Claudine Longet?

Pro Wrestling is more than in-ring work. If all you like is in-ring work, you’re really a gymnastics fan.

A: Acquired Inconsistent Dribbling Syndrome.

My funny Valentine.
Sweet comic Valentine.
You make me smile with my heart.

Your looks are laughable.
Unphotographable,
Yet you’re my favorite work of art.

Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak?
Are you smart?

But don’t change a hair for me,
Not if you care for me,
Stay little Valentine stay;

Each day is Valentine’s Day.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. Hypothetical: What if Beyonce dated an NHL player?

Krafty Bob spends more time on red carpets than Brianna Pirre.

Honk if you remember Torvill and Dean.

CONCACAF? More like CONCAC-AF!! Right!? Right? Okay.

Upton Bell mistook Ice Spice for Fanne Foxe.

Kansas City has now won 3 Super Bowls in the Mahomes era. They’ve been called for offensive holding zero times in those 3 wins.

Does everybody still have a mix of soaps and disinfectants setting around that they bought early in the pandemic and never completely used? Or is it just me?

Kenley Jansen has the locker that used to be Chris Sale’s, in case you like to keep track of these things.

Well, the good news is that the country at large turns on you like a snake after you win the Super Bowl three times. Right?

I was dying for another Planet of the Apes movie.

Best bet for the weekend: Nothing but good vibes from the Fort!

One Large Irregular, please.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. HVD.

Breaking News: Bianca would be happy to be your Valentine.

Football Cat’s Super Bowl Picks

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Biggest Sportsing Day of the Year, so far.

49ers (-2) at Chiefs in Las Vegas

Patrick Mahomes has more lives than a cat, but I can’t pick against Brock Purrrdy. Competent game management wins Soupeys. So there.

My SB MVP Pick? former Panther Christian McCaffrey

Halftime performance cameo appearance with Usher? Doja Cat.

Best SB commercial: Hellmann’s ‘Mayo Cat’

Mayo Cat

Thanks to all the humans who assisted in me making my picks this year. Except when they steered me into the wrong team. Hiss! Let’s do this next season! Unless I don’t want to.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

2/07/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Both the bar & grill and its namesake are now gone.

With his third DUI arrest, Pat Mahomes Sr. now qualifies as a branch on the Andy Reid family tree.

I wonder how much ownership stake it took for Theo Epstein to agree to be a human shield.

Sick of the BS from the zebras with Marchand again. The entire team can’t get a call because he’s the Captain and was an asshole ten years ago.

Any time you can rig the Super Bowl for a media market smaller than Hartford, you gotta do it.

If you can’t spot the Dan Greenberg of your group chat, then you’re the Dan Greenberg of your group chat.

Cakes are cooking for Rolf Benirschke, Emo Phillips, Carney Lansford, James Spader, Garth Brooks, Chris Rock, Sully Erna, Alex Bassi, Robyn Lively, Steve Nash, Ashton Kutcher, John Leicester, Matt Stafford, and Steven Stamkos.

What am I going to do with all of my extra Bluesky codes now?

Gary Kubiak went the Clemens & Kardashian route of having all his kids names start with K? Gross.

Chris Curtis was excited to announce the news of Carl Weathers passing. RIP.

So they stuffed all the media covering the Super Bowl into the Luxor, which is apparently a dump? Good.

If you have two Patrick Passes, you have none.

Red Line Reminder: Through February 14 Shuttle buses replace Red Line service all day between Alewife and Harvard, due to track work. Shuttle service extends to Park St after 8:45 PM each day. Regular service will resume on February 15.

Would you rather be Nemo from Finding Nemo or the shark from Jaws?

Usher is finishing up a 2-year residency in Vegas. Assumed it was at the Circus Circus buffet.

I’m disappointed in Dumb Donkey Noise.

Bill Clinton’s presidency ended 23 years ago…. and he’s still younger than the two current candidates.

The ‘Ruth Gordon’ IG filter was a bad idea.

Felger must be wondering now if that’s also a fake Gene Lavanchy leaving things at his house.

It would be nice if wrestling fans could just let a story play out instead of thinking they should get instant satisfaction crammed into every 3-hour Raw or 2-hour Smackdown.

Put more jelly on your toast.

News Item: Red Sox to be 1st MLB team featured in all-access Netflix documentary series.

I guess my sarcasm doesn’t always translate.

Hey glow-up gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “She’s lovely, just an enormous waste of humanity.”

I know I’m old and out of loop musically, but if someone is really “iconic,” I really think that even I should have heard of them.

Eric Bieniemy must be the worst interviewee in the world.

1,100 bats seems like a lot of bats.

You can’t use ED to mean ‘eating disorder!’ Those initials are spoken for!

Taylor Kyles can’t keep talking about reviving Mac Jones. He just can’t.

Red Sox Nation is still accepting applications to its in-house tortured poets department.

Get well soon Bill James.

Lombardi bringing up Lee Harvey Oswald at every possible opportunity is a funny bit.

You know I love the ladies
Love to have my fun
I’m a high life flyer and a rainbow rider
A straight shootin’ son-of-a-gun (Alright)
I said a straight shootin’ son-of-a-gun.

Joy to the world
All the boys and girls
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me.

Shukri Wright is owed $46,394.30 and he’ll never find out.

Toby Keith wanted to add Riblets to his Bar & Grill menu; it fell to Upton Bell to inform him that Applebees Owns Riblets.

Honk if you remember Paul & Al’s wacky Claiborne Pell.

Imagine being turned down by Nick Caley, of all people, while you jet off to the Grammys?

Bankrupt Audacy didn’t sent any WEEI talent to broadcast from Radio Row? Weird.

I ain’t calling no grown man, ‘Bronny.’

One week from today Red Sox pitchers and catchers will be holding their first official work out in Fort Myers.

Monique needs to go breathe in the woods.

I wonder if Apollo Creed was based on any real-life pugilist?

Extremely telling and problematic that in sports there are only stats for how many points you scored. No stat for how many spirits you lifted. How many hearts you warmed.

Best bet for the weekend: Tie: Swifties on FlightAware/The Drake Curse.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW Poster Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Jeremiah was a bullfrog. He was a good friend of mine.

No shadow so that means an earlier Bianca picture than normal.

1/31/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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A famous person dating another famous person? IT’S AN OP!!

Purdy got very lucky on the Aiyuk throw, but you gotta give dude his flowers. He’s been a gamer in the biggest moments this postseason.

Hey, Red Sox fans, who doesn’t love a diversified suite of sports and entertainment holdings?

People care way too much about Taylor Swift at Chiefs games. Her boyfriend plays, of course she’s there. She doesn’t make anyone show her on TV. I watched years of Jack Nicholson at Lakers games and Spike Lee at Knicks games. Nobody seemed to think it was the end of the world.

I think it’s time to end the Brian Scalabrine experiment. We’ve taken this as far as we can.

Kyle Shanahan was born in 1979. He should have to bend the brim of his hat.

Karl Anthony Towns is KAT. Derrick White is The Catalyst.

Cakes are cooking for Charlie Musselwhite, Jonathan Banks, Nolan Ryan, Kelly Lynch, Kelly Moore, Minnie Driver, Portia de Rossi, Jim Kleinsasser, Kerry Washington, Justin Timberlake, and Yuniesky Betancourt.

Oh goodness no, Lamar. That’s a disaster.

70 ain’t what it used to be. That said it’s still insane when dudes get there.

Well, even if you don’t much care for Kansas City, a Harbro losing must dull the pain somewhat.

Jeff Goodman, he seems well adjusted.

‘Eye test’ is now a phrase people who have no idea what they are watching use to sound like they know football.

It’s nearly 3 weeks later, has the great big emergency at the cardboard factory been straightened out yet?

Probably wouldn’t fuck your knees up if you wore appropriate footwear you silly cvnt.

I prefer Linebacker Reasons rather than Safety Reasons.

I’m told Jim Harbaugh remains in the building at the facility, as I type this, per source. #Chargers

Belichick to the Chiefs? Why would Andy Reid retire? It’s not like he has any more sons that can die or go to jail.

Just heard “Stacy’s Mom” in spatial audio and I almost teared up.

Curt Menefee is Great Value James Brown.

Justin Turner and his representatives reached out but could not get the Red Sox interested enough to engage in talks. He will be a significant, needed addition for the Blue Jays.

I love Elephants, amazing video.

I don’t get this Cerrone Battle thing. He lives in Raleigh. Are there no black guys living in greater Boston who are qualified to act as a human shield for 98.5’s on air racism?

Hey gang of Ocean State disbelievers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The Voluntown-Exeter War will be bloody and pointless.”

Gronk talks like he’s concocting a story by looking at items scattered throughout a room.

Be more desperate to find an alcoholic who peaked in high school that will tune you up once or twice a month. You can’t.

Better recurring letdowns by the C’s in the third quarter than in the fourth, I guess.

Baby-baby, I’ll meet you,
Same place, same time,
Where we can get together
And ease up our mind.

Oh, do a little dance, make a little love;
Get down tonight, woo! Get down tonight, hey!
Do a little dance, make a little love.
Get down tonight, get down tonight, baby.

Craig Carton went to prison for a Ponzi scheme. He seems trustworthy.

Disappointed in the lack of gratuitous lesbian sex in the first episode of the new season of Hightown.

No matter what else he does, Dante will always be Rufio to me.

Honk if you remember Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Competent people outside the organization aren’t exactly lining up to work for Jonathan and Robyn, are they?

I like Jan’s tweets. They’re very informative.

Fenway Sports Group doubtless brings Joe Mooney’s lifetime of groundskeeping experience to their partnership in the LIV/PGA merger.

Nobody told you the Celtics weren’t ever going to trade Brogdon.

It might be time to retire and repurpose my Dave Meggett fan account.

Sometimes it’s easy to forget Gary Tanguay wrote the most disturbing book of all time.

I’m sure eventually Lamar Jackson will have more playoff wins and AFCCG appearances than Ryan Tannehill.

Mutual partings of the ways; they happen in Foxborough and even in Tewksbury, Danny.

Have you signed up for Bruce Allen’s newsletter at BSMW.email yet? First one’s free.

Time for Cam Achord to follow his true calling: selling me percs in 2006.

Jimy Williams. He feuded with Carl Everett and called Christopher Nixon, ‘Drut.’ RIP.

Best bet for the weekend: Good Kid Pasta scoring in the NHL All Star Game.

Nice hat, stupid.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Peter Gammons, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Oh, that’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.

And happy birthday to Italian actress Daniela Bianchi, best known as Tatiana Romanova in From Russia With Love.

Football Cat’s NFL Conference Championship Picks

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Football Cat would knock Will McDonough into a laundry cart.

Four teams, two games. Football Cat predicted three correctly last week. Let’s go!!!

SUNDAY SNACKTIME

Chiefs at Ravens (-3.5)

Don’t like it, but gotta do it.

Missouri has bobcats and mountain lions, Maryland only bobcats. But the Evil Birds are evil and will prevail.

SUNDAY DINNERTIME

Lions at 49ers (-7)

Jungle Kings versus Purrrdy and his Prospectors. The heart wants the felines to win, but the head will stick with San Francisco.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

From The 15 Vault – 10/21/2020 Cleaning Up the Sports Sandwich Shoppe

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(Originally published October 21, 2020 at BJBSJournal.com)

Luscious Juicy Sandwiches

Sounds anecdotal.

I’ve always wanted to fondle a pitching rubber and get John Tudor’s autograph, not to mention, put in writing how I feel about the trio of fartknockers that run this organization.

Voting at Fenway? Joe Moody must be quite busy today!

Sorry, folks. Never in my life heard of Twix. And many of you probably never heard of the Clark Bar. Anyway, everyone knows that if we were constitutionally restricted to one (1) candy, it would have to be Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. All you Twix freaks now have a moral obligation to go out and buy a month’s supply to keep your beloved candy in business.

Did you know the Red Sox traded Mookie? Zoinks!

Josh Allen? Not elite.

Cakes are cooking for Manfred Mann, Judith Sheindlin, Charlotte Caffey, Joey Harrington, and Kim Kardashian.

How many shares in the Red Sox do I have to buy to steal Linda from John? Would.

Steve Buckley coming out, and the fraud Ordway trying to come across as an advocate for sexual choice. He sat by silent while the revolving door of WEEI dickwads spewed anti-gay sentiment. Just recall when the gay marriage bill was in debate and how Glenn’s big ex-jock buddies ripped on that ad nauseum. They knew Buck was gay, and did this crap in his presence. Shame on Buck for his willingness to take a check at the expense of his own dignity, and shame on the gaggles of douchebags that put him in that dilemma. Don’t reinvent history and try to come off as supportive. All parties involved at WEEI are frauds and I’d expect nothing less at this point.

“Mother’s basement” is really a pre-WiFi insult. Now you can troll from anywhere in the house!

Also, I was today years old when I found out that Joe Buck is the son of Marv Albert. Gonna need a moment here.

Swishy. Sackface. And the Milkman’s Son. That’s it. That’s the post.

Last week, Dak Prescott gets hurt. This week, Dak Emrick announces his retirement. Some coincidence.

If Twix sponsored the ’67 Impossible Dream Red Sox Bobert would have crispy cookie and caramel smothered all over his mouth and down his chin every day.

You’re not changing my mind. In a way, never liking Kirk Minihane is an ADVANTAGE.

I wonder if there is a Boston Media Home for Little Wanderers? Butch Stearns and Pete Sheppard having morning coffee together. Doug Meehan cleaning the kitchen and complaining that Bob Lobel is a slob. Ted Sarandis coming home angry every night after yet another unsuccessful attempt to find a five dollar hooker.

Plain Black Hat is due to discover Midsommar next Summer.

Cool fall weather means it’s that time of year to stay inside, sit in a recliner in a dark room, and scratch your arms.

Tom Caron has always been a huge Liverpool FC. Yup, for sure, always.

If the day ends with a -y, then you can bet Trenni is on the hunt for men on Plenty of Fish.

He Got Game is retroactively bad because Ray Allen is a cunt.

Howdy, Taggers, Invisoneers, WordPressers and Slackers! This weeks Phrase that Pays is ‘Value-Pak Slap Mags!’ Honkies!

Does anyone know the fall hours at Whalom Park?

Can’t wait for the Red Sox Ownership Group to introduce Wally’s latest relative, ‘Financial Flexibility!’

Zoomy Zubes!

Mouse-wife to Mom-shell in the time it took to get that new tattoo, tattoo, tattoo!

Well actually, the building is no longer structurally sound and a family of 6 squirrels is now homeless. In this economy? How will they survive? This is what happens in Trumps America.

“Behind the Scenes at WCVB” That’s a book I’d buy…
-Amalia Barretta…was she the reason for the breakup of Chet and Nat?
-Frank Avruch…was he really a legendary swordsman?
-Derm Keohane…most knew him as the ugly guy in the small box doing sign language on the morning news before closed captioning was invented…what you don’t know is what a prick he was!!!
-Clark Booth…did he really have a larger porn stash than Bin Laden?
-Captain Bob…his scandalous secret life and X-Rated etchings!!!
-Jim Boyd…the shocking items he hid in his afro!

UMass football probably needed more practice time, too.

When are we finally going to cancel Pete Blackburn for misappropriation of gay culture?

Honk if you remember Mr. Magoo.

You can’t WFH an RPO!

Merloni, with his dyed facial hair and mop is resembling “the Great Svengarlic”, the fraudulent hypnotist that walked the Three Stooges out onto a flagpole.

It’s Wape Wice, for the good times.

Best bet for the weekend: Joe Buck overload.

If anyone needs me I will be out walking my pet rat, ‘Ronald.’

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, and #the15 were used in this column. Fare thee well, Robert LJ ‘HotDog’ “Bob from NH” Sandwich. You are missed.

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