The 15

I never hear anything about Tatum’s rehab except for people bitching about always hearing about it.

Do fake food allergies count abroad?

You’re laughing? I’m groggy because I had an hour of my life stolen from me and you’re laughing? (The hour I lost was from watching the premiere episode of ‘R.J. Decker’.)

In today’s NFL you need a roster with a mix of hyphens and apostrophes in the names to succeed.

The NBA should store all evidence of  Edrice Adebayo’s 83 point game in the same vault they keep the “proof” of Wilt’s “100 point game.”

And no, I ain’t calling a grown man, ‘Bam.’

Wonder how many Bruins fans are aware TDGarden each night offers $5 draft beer (12 oz)?

How do we convince Yoshi to play for the Red Sox like he does in World Baseball Classic games?

It’s not plagiarism if no one hears it.

Cakes are cooking for Rupert Murdoch, Sam Donaldson, Mark Stein, Bobby McFerrin, Nina Hagen, Curtis Brown, Rob Paulsen, Cheryl Lynn, James Pinkerton, Mike Percy, Alex Kingston, Wallace Langham, John Barrowman, Rami Jaffee, Johnny Knoxville, Adam Wakeman, Bobby Abreu, Becky Hammon, Benji Madden, Joel Madden, Elton Brand, Thora Birch, Anthony Davis, and Jodie Comer.

Fun fact: Jason Tatum had his face tattooed on his repaired Achilles tendon.

Nice weather we’re having, eh?

Hold onto your hats but I have a crush on the white girl from Duke.

I don’t know how to pronounce ‘Doubs.’

Complain more about McAvoy playing “hero ball.”

Watching 3 basketball games at once is terrible.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Knowing the name of an NBA official is a warning sign, like a check engine light.

Hey gang of tournament enjoyers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “They hear us.’

I’m gonna get in the car
Drive away
Drive so far
No one’s gonna find me
Put my foot on the gas
Accelerate
Drive so fast
No one’s gonna catch me.

Gonna get in the car
Drive away
Drive so far
No one’s gonna find me
Put my foot on the gas
Accelerate
Drive so fast
No one’s gonna catch me.

It’s about time for CHB to plague poor Bob Cousy and his family by heading off to Worcester to ask the 97-year-old legend whom Pritchard reminds him of.

So Brady is a witless incompetent GM who screwed up a simple trade, correct?
That’s the way this works.

Best of luck tomorrow against Miami of Ohio, UMass.

Sealants!

Really weird when a random old Red Sox game is on NESN+ and you realize pretty quickly you were at it.

Honk if you remember New York Jet QB Geno Smith. I have news about that.

A man broke my Nespresso machine! A one-armed man! You find that man!

Who is your favorite sports agent or agency? Let us know in the comments.

You can tell I’m a serious basketball fan because I refer to a flagrant as an F1.

Kyle Teel is Italian? Austin Wells is Dominican?

Stick tap to the Selection Committee.

Best bet for the weekend: a Donaldbrook over to Southie, kid.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friends Lebron and Canadian Soldier, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t worry. Be happy.

The Fanatics guy knows that he has to do better.

All the in-sports gals must have been pissed they didn’t get to use the ‘don’t be sad USA, your women’s hockey team won!’ troll had Canada won on Sunday.

For those in recent days who’ve played curling for the first time — whaddya think?

Pfft. I can’t believe Tatum is making his comeback all about him.

I feel like they could hand out the medals and the stuffed animals at the same time.

Do you think the guys on the hockey team called Kash, “Patsy“?

If I had Tourettes my tics would be shouting “Queen of the North”, “Deuce is Everything”, and “Bobby Dalbec is The Fruith” because I’m a good fucking person.

Whole lotta Boston bars opened very early on this Sunday and they’re jam-packed. Love to see it.

Jaylen should dribble into more crowds.

Did we really need Bill Speros to blow the lid off the fact that Australia is a long way away?

Cakes are cooking for Sally Jessy Raphael, Tom Courtenay, Herb Elliott, Doug Yule, Ric Flair, Kenny Gradney, Neil Jordan, César Cedeño, James Brown, John Doe, Dennis Diken, Stuart “Woody” Wood, Jeff Fisher, Kurt Rambis, Paul O’Neill, Lee Evans, Brian Baker, Carrot Top, Veronica Webb, Alexis Denisof, Nancy O’Dell, Byron Dafoe, Daniel Powter, Sean Astin, Anson Mount, Julio Iglesias, Jr., Justin Jeffre, Chelsea Handler, Rashida Jones, Kash Patel, Bert McCracken, Tara Wilson, Jameela Jamil, Hideki Matsuyama, and Eugenie Bouchard.

Listening to Bill Simmons “fix” problems by presenting much worse alternatives is so triggering.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!

According to Babz’s lengthy post, nothing is Fanatics fault, and they are all lovely, caring people. I bet they regret inviting our best and brightest in to give them the what for!

Tabitha Peterson was incredible. Tremendous shot to end it. I am all in on the women’s curling.

Breaking: Ahead of Closing Ceremonies, NBC announces it will dedicate CNBC to show nothing but Curling reruns as run-up to the next Olympiad. Only interruption with be an annual all-day Three Stooges fest on July 4 and Thanksgiving.

Hey gang with a clearly delineated organization chart! This week’s Phrase that Pays is: “My teeth are a lot straighter than yours and my stomach is definitely smaller.”

It’s really tough rooting for the Tkachuk’s.

The fact that Tourette’s guy didn’t shout “WATCH WOMEN’S HOCKEY” proves to me that he is also a raging misogynist.

All the best jobs have non-consecutive days off.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem between Maverick and Aquarium. Trains may stand by at stations.

90% of my For You tab is now just “Did you see what [insert new disgusting slob from Barstool] did?!”

Is asking yourself questions as a framing mechanism gay? Yes.

Just pick up a glove!

Anytime you can beat the Lakers when Pat Reilly gets a Saturday Night Fever statue dedicated to him is delicious.

I’m getting really sick and tired of this Connor McDavid vs Josh Allen debate!

How will the Boston Globe print subscribers have any idea that Daily Jeremy Swayman shut down?

Snow core samples?

Is it racist for a honkie to cast a vote for favorite Purple Drank? (It’s Fanta, by the way. Sorry Crush!)

Do the Italians think Coldplay is American?

Let me tell you how it will be

There’s one for you, nineteen for me
‘Cause I’m the taxman
Yeah, I’m the taxman

Should five per cent appear too small?
Be thankful I don’t take it all
‘Cause I’m the taxman

Yeah, I’m the taxman

(If you drive a car, car)
I’ll tax the street
(If you try to sit, sit)
I’ll tax your seat
(If you get too cold, cold)
I’ll tax the heat
(If you take a walk, walk)
I’ll tax your feet

Taxman!

When God Created Adam did he have a Quarterback in mind?

You dummies don’t realize that Tourette’s guy at the BAFTA’s was obviously a work!

Paavo Nurmi!

Honk if you remember when Payton Pritchard was hoping to move on in 2023 so he could go somewhere and have a bigger role, but Brad Stevens kept him and he earned a bigger role with the Celtics.

The first rule of being in a union is that you need to tell everyone you’re in a union.

Everyone wants to be HexClad… until it’s time to perform…pal

Tape Grindah’s cortisol level must be spiking after totally getting Stoolmogged by Ganguay who’s doing a lot of Prezmaxxing lately.

Is an Authentic Fan Council something like a Fan Advisory Group?

Tara Lipinski could definitely wreck a dick.

Love something as much as mother’s do warning you about food recalls in states three time zones away.

You can tell I’m a weather enthusiast because I use terms like ‘mashed potatoes’ and ‘wet cement’ to describe snow.

Best bet for the weekend: thawing, then refreezing. Then repeat.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.