The 15

Red Sox Winter Weekend cancelled by the MLB lockout before it could be cancelled by the COVID like last year.

Michael Gee; vindicated? Time will tell.

You’re right. What do I know about sports fandom? It’s not like I literally just wrote a book about it or anything. Oh, wait, I did.

I’m not sure the NHL players are Olympics-bound.

Hunter Henry and his wife Parker had their first child last week on the Patriots’ bye week. This week he catches a touchdown pass. Sports.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but eggnog is delicious.

Embiid was obviously incensed by Jackie Mac’s impression of him on California Bill Simmons’ podcast.

That college football Bowl Game has a funny name!

Cakes are cooking for Dick Barry. Steve Carlton, Steve Garvey, Jan Stephenson, Susan Powter, Luther Campbell, and Mike Sullivan.

Tiger golfing again is great to see.

Working in sports is always hectic but a day like today where news is cycling through every five minutes is especially tough on social teams and content creators. But 99% of those who work in sports for a living wouldn’t change that for the world. Proud to be apart of that 99%.

Get well soon Paige Bueckerers, or whoever.

This Omicron variant best not derail the AHL into January!

I don’t know if it’s been said, but that Mac Jones; it’s like he was made in a lab!

The Celtics traded Joe Johnson on February 20th, 2002. They are bringing him back 7,245 days later. That HAS to be an all-time sports record.

Since Bill is now apologizing for stuff, how about that Trump letter and Bon Jovi, and Mike Lombardi?

Worcester Line Train 514 (11:00 am from Worcester) is operating 10-20 minutes behind schedule between Framingham and South Station due to train traffic.

Hot tip: Route 1 has plenty of stores to help you finish Christmas shopping.

I just want to debate yards allowed versus points scored, not cases versus hospitalizations. Is that so wrong?

The Regular Chick craze out of Hollywood needs to pass.

Honk if you remember Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it: and Scrooge’s name was good upon ’Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.

Mind! I don’t mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country’s done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.

Not Drakeo too??

We need Bruins hockey back. People are screaming at me over a superhero movie. Oh man.

Any time I need to know what Shaq Mason’s prorated training camp bonus is, @patscap is my guy.

The car selling company “Carvana” is ripping off “Nirvana” with their name. No one will convince me otherwise.

Hey stupid, it’s the ‘Carson Palmer’ Rule.

Is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation better than the original?

Always impressed Derek Carr’s mascara never runs.

So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true

Most painful thing in the world is the post office #sportscards

UMass needed OT to get past Fairfield U?

Cam’s fleeting success with his return to Carolina was a dead Panther bounce, apparently.

Vincent D’Onofrio just doesn’t miss, no matter what role he’s playing.

Barstool Sports basically killed the Herald’s Inside Track, so it’s only like 99% awful.

Look for our review of Spriderman: No Way Home early next year. Free preview – Loved It!

Best bet for the Weekend: Hats and T-shirts.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Santa’s List, and #the15 were used in this column. Merry Christmas to all.

Demaryius Thomas dying was like if Princess Diana, Paul Walker, and Barbaro had all been on the Challenger, but sadder.

Your MLS MVP is Carles Gil of the NE Revolution.

Don’t worry, the inevitable move back to Boston is just delayed. Just wait for a couple more Olympic cycles and they’ll turn Gillette back to a harness track. Or a velodrome.

Not reading Dakota Randall makes one yearn for the days of not reading Doug Kyed.

What a great incompletion. I saw God.

Dale Arnold wrote a Shawn Thornton book? Is that necessary?

Congratulations to the Winnepeg Grey Bombers for winning the CFL Blue Cup back-to-back.

Nice having Jaylen back.

Cakes are cooking for Joe Jordan, Alex Cox, Helen Slater, Mo Vaughn, Rodney Harrison, and Catherine Fox.

Old school barber in Hudson does the straight razor w the mercurochrome after.
Step outside after and the cool air hits like a Newport Slush

Coach Arians is built like a condom full of clams.

Which one was Van Johnson and which one was Van Heflin again?

Sleigh Ride by The Ronettes is the GOAT.

If when you have two quarterbacks, you have no quarterbacks, what does having three hockey netminders mean?

“Try to be a nice person and fix your face” is classic Timmy.

The outpouring of grief over Demaryius Thomas reminds Upton Bell of when Valentino died.

Official ribbon cutting for the @MBTA_CR’s new Chelsea Station with General Manager @spoftak, @MassDOT Secretary Tesler, and @ChelseaGov_MA leaders.

I discovered a bonus beer in the fridge. Praise the Lord.

Old folks sure do love the day-old baked goods rack at the supermarket.

Mac Jones enjoys all Christmas entertainment equally.

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Chris Simms. (Lenghty pause) “Go away, Chris Simms; you’re an asshole.”

Does Kate McKinnon have a bad back? Why does she walk like Groucho Marx?

Any foreign power who wants to provoke the United States should first watch Army-Navy. There’s millions more where these badasses come from. So stand down, Vladimir!

Hey Gang of Fantasy Football Inexperts, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “where can I read your analysis on the AFC?”

Do Sir Paul and Ringo do a ’72 Dolphins champagne toast every time a member of the Monkees dies? RIP Mike Nesmith.

Jets special teams ace Justin Hardee got placed on the Covid-19 list.

Breer started the previous week suggesting football assuages the grief of a dead child and from there somehow went downhill.

Stop testing Asymmetric people!!

Listen to Entitled Town. Now endorsed by Sherwood Schwartz‘s daughter!

JV junior high basketball with no running clock is terrorism.

Some people were forced to grieve over Demaryius Thomas in airports.

Who told you I like peppermint bark candy? Because they are liars. Me? huh. Well, my greater point stands.

Keep your head on a swivel, Identical Best Friend Sixto! Just sayin’.

Scatter to West Right Tight – F Left 372 Y Stick Z Spot

Mai Tais > Hot Cocoa Bar

McDermott’s game plans are a Tampa 4 but a Buffalo 10.

Take the last train to Clarksville
Now I must hang up the phone
I can’t hear you in this
Noisy railroad station, all alone

I’m feelin’ low
Oh, no, no, no
Oh, no, no, no
And I don’t know
If I’m ever coming home

Jimmy Wynn is one of the most underrated players in baseball history. That is all.

Gregg Doyel. Who’s next? Bart Hubbach?

Honk if you remember Service Merchandise.

A Fagot in the Navy? You don’t say.

So what, people are taking Kitty Kelley at her scurrilous word?

Minihane almost talked about Turtleboy yesterday!

I hope someone’s favorite Boston sports ‘duende moment’ was Carl Everett permanently styling Dan Shaughnessy as the ‘Curly Haired Boyfriend.’

Bobby Okereke? Is that like a Brian Orakpo?

Lenny Megliola: still alive.

Now where am I to go for a slow reveal of Carmine Tazzi informational tidbits?

Happy Cupcake Day, tulip.

NBA counting stats! They’re Fannnntastic!

Best bet for the weekend: hayshakers with the big sads because the Patriots are back.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster UncleGizmo and #the15 were used in this column. Cheer up, sleepy Jean.

Bill Belichick out-coached Sean McDermott on national TV by running a 6 OL, triple-option offense a la Navy Midshipmen football. Absolutely brilliant.

Ohhh, a diplomatic boycott. That’ll teach them.

Some days you give up 137. Some days you score 145. And still other days you bench your starters. Only in basketball.

Portnoy thinks Bert’s obsession with 19-year-olds is weird.

Kirk is back. For now.

The only thing worse than a baseball writer is 400 baseball writers acting as self-appointed gatekeepers.

Gene Steratore always sounds like they’re calling him in the middle of a collection.

Obviously my intentions were good.

Cakes are cooking for Kevin Harvick, Elsa Benítez, Brandt Snedeker, Neel Jani, and AnnaSophia Robb.

Buffalo is a city full of SteveR’s.

I don’t even like rollercoasters-you’d never catch me in space.

No you guys; Mina only wants the good kind of attention.

“I’m eating El Prez frozen pizza and washing it down with a Pink Whitney! I’m cool!’

They keep telling us Harry Bailey is a great football player, but then I look at that uniform George is forced to wear and I’m definitely thinking Harry is pulling a Cousy and is playing against future insurance salesmen and accountants.

Green Line Reminder: Shuttle buses replace D Branch service between Fenway and Riverside, Mon – Thurs, beginning at 8:45 PM through the end of service.

St. Joseph probably has to assign extra AS2’s to the Bedford Falls bridge after every Bills loss to the Patriots.

Did the assassin confuse Medina Spirit and Reality Winner?

Hey Gang of enviroscolds! This Week’s Phrase that Pays is “It speaks to the huge exoticism bias & racism in nature doc series that when the narrator discusses the extinction of animals due to habitat encroachment, the US and UK aren’t discussed. I love Attenborough’s documentaries, but this is a thing he’s particulars guilty of doing.”

“Yelling at someone makes their addiction melt away.” — Dr. SteveR

Do they sell Christmas trees at the Fenway Park rooftop gardens?

They fucked up my chimichanga. It’s not right, Greg.

I don’t know no shame
I feel no pain
I can’t see the flame
But I do know Man-din-ka
I do know Man-din-ka
I do know Man-din-ka
I do

NWH soundtrack is the final nail in the coffin for the 1% of people who are still in denial about Maguire/Garfield returning.

GALLUP COOP AND CEEDEE together at once

Is ‘cheugy’ an example of someone actually making fetch happen?

Bob Dole wouldn’t mind the fun people are having at Bob Dole’s expense if Bob Dole weren’t dead.

How about that URI vs Providence hoops game?

“Sure, my daughter is dead but thank god for Dan Campbell.” – How Bert Breer thinks people think.

They let criminals sell used cars?

You can say all you want about Marcus Semien, but I still say he is no Rougned Odor.

Ask Coach Kangol why the snake oil salesman is handling team vax cards, sports media.

Honk if you remember Pier 1 Imports.

The Lions also play their best football after Thanksgiving, honks.

Close the door, Eustace.

Can Phil Perry be primaried?

Yeah lemme go on a cruise ship during a Pandemic. That sounds like a great idea. Notttt.

Best bet for the weekend: Sportshuman of the Year 2021 Tommy Statpadder taking the Bills to the woodshed.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Kingasaurus and #the15 were used in this column. I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant.

The MLS Cup isn’t a double-elimination tourney? Less than ideal.

The day after Thanksgiving turkey gumbo is a lot of work but so worth it

Martha’s Vineyard basketball, the Rucker Park of Massachusetts island communities.

Is it ironic that Pat Burns was cremated?

I only answer to Fred the Baker and the higher ups at Dunkins.

Cakes are cooking for O.J. McDuffie, Rachel McQuillan, Monica Seles, Jan Ullrich, Aaron Rodgers, and Gary Sánchez.

Actually the BBWAA is trash, and the IBWAA is made up.

Pinot Grigio and regret make the world go round.

Pretty convinced the Fitbit sleep score is a random number generator.

Beef Barn
Tasty and Affordable

YES!!!! The 2021 Retrosheet Data has been posted!! This should be a National Holiday: RETROSHEET DAY!

Oh, the band in the documentary who broke up months later were sick of each other? Thanks, Corky.

“Greek Stuffing” is how Haggerty’s wife gets him dressed in his little suits.

Hey, Gang of stat humpers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “I prefer to vote for someone who is good on 4th downs.”

Omicron Beam > Omicron variant

Timely block, Rob Williams. Related, I can’t tell the difference between the Ninth and Tenth Doctors.

The best phrenologist is still a quack.

News Item: ‘Just because Cam Newton is on your roster it doesn’t mean you’re just going to win,’ says Cam Newton

Oh man, I missed Dame Time again.

Blue Line: Delays of up to 15 minutes due to a maintenance train inspecting the overhead wires. Trains may be asked to stand by at stations.

Another promise, another scene
Another packaged lie to keep us trapped in greed
And all the green belts wrapped around our minds
And endless red tape to keep the truth confined
(So come on)

Has anyone made a ‘Brian Kelly giving Notre Dame the Irish Goodbye’ joke yet? Everyone? Oh.

Nothing gets the teenagers wetter than “I know Mike Wallace”.

The calendar flips to December and I’ve already started watching old Masters Highlights. I can smell the Azaleas, Dogwoods, and Magnolias already. 123 days but who’s counting?

Marchand did nothing wrong!

Each morning I wake and check to see if I have a pulse. When I do I know it’s gonna be a good day…

AIDS Feet > COVID Toe.

I take no pleasure in reporting that Ted Sarandis won.

Milton Massachusetts. Home to the Blue Hills. and also Rich Hill. Welcome home.

I’m not your fucking “cupcake.”

You mean cosplaying as a beat writer doesn’t put you on par with Mookie Betts financially?

Honk if you remember the Almost Home line of cookies.

Oh sure, when the dog snores she’s cute.

I’m starting to think this Keith Olbermann character is a bit of an unstable prick.

Run-preventer JBJ is back? I am cool with that.

Oh gee was, the camera on accidentally catching me in a moment of vulnerability?

Best bet for the weekend: Kohl’s Cash getting earned.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW, and #the15 were used in this column. They will not control us. We will be victorious.

Usually you need a Corleone family christening for things to get worked out like they did for New England on Sunday.

Sometimes you just have to tip your touk to a team, well played, Calgary.

Impeccable sources tell me the Red Sox are in on every single available free agent starting pitcher.

Was that Monday Night Football or an infomercial for “Man In The Arena”?

What’s wrong about the Celtics can be fixed by what’s right about the Celtics.

Do they save Kirk some dark thoughts meat at the laughing academy Thanksgiving feast?

That Kid Rock video looks like a Law & Order in-show production as part of a rebellious teen crime wave storyline.

Cakes are cooking for Doug Brien, Stephen Merchant, Katherine Heigl, and Johnny Exantus.

Giardi is ‘bitchy waiter’ gay, not ‘redesign your kitchen’ gay.

You know if you put a tomahawk steak in front of me I’m gonna eat the whole damn thing.

Airheads are the Richard Deitsch of candy.

A surprise: The #Texans are cutting RB Phillip Lindsay, source said. He heads to waivers.

Colin Cowherd thought Marino, Moon, and Favre were #1 picks? What?

The tryptophan in turkey makes me sleepier than a high school girl at Dave Portnoy’s house.

Matt Judon: known for his red sleeves. Bill Belichick: known for cutting the sleeves off sweatshirts. They complete each other.

The annual Gerry Callahan Thanksgiving football column is just as bad as the WKRP episode is. Cry.

An exorbitant amount of packing peanuts? That’s what you call a value-add.

Hey F-stop Gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “This tree looks like a cute lil broccoli!”

Sleeping for 6 hours during the day is not a ‘nap.’ It’s a cry for help.

I was listening to the Bills radio broadcast whilst doing yard work. Holy crap those guys are positive about their team. They didn’t point out any uncalled penalties on the Bills, didn’t crap on any of the players, never gave up hope (way past when they should have). They did have the big sads though.

No one believes you about Peng Shuai, CCP.

Green Line B Branch Update: Regularly scheduled service has resumed.

Why couldn’t Freddie Mercury have contracted that Magic Johnson fake AIDs strain?

Titans’ playmakers clearly want the smoke.

Isn’t Suzy Kolber a little old to be dressing like David Coverdale?

theThe Republic of Cambridge

Mopey Tom had a depression lamp in 2019 but Gisele turned it off to save the rainforest.

Hey, is lookalike Best Friend Sixto also on this year’s Baseball Hall of Fame ballot?

Bicycle races are coming your way
So forget all your duties, oh yeah
Fat bottomed girls, they’ll be riding today
So look out for those beauties, oh yeah

On your marks, get set, go!

Not many things I enjoy less than trying to pry open the little plastic bags you put produce in at the grocery store.

Bishop Hendrickson football is a cute, fun story, but they are no undefeated 1969 Medfield squad.

Honk if you remember Betty and Barney Hill.

Like I said; AMA Artists of the Year BTS.

There are not enough coffee table books in America to display all of the coffee table baseball books that get published.

Giblets!

Bob Murchison can’t stop the Herald from running Gerry’s column. Can he? Has he tried?

UMass Hoops lost to an Ivy?

Best bet for the weekend: Daniel Craig sheepishly announcing it.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW, and #the15 were used in this column. Radio what’s new? Radio, someone still love you!

The Patriots are 6-4. They are on a 4-game winning streak. Are in control of their playoff destiny. Watching the last seven games should be fun.

News Item: Fenway Sports Group in negotiations to buy the NHL Pittsburgh Penguins franchise.

E-Rod didn’t tip anyone off he was going to sign with Detroit?

Boston Globe Spotlight Team: Is Pastrnak Really a Good Kid? A Five-Part Investigation.

Zolak guessing the target pre-snap and being consistently wrong sure is fun.

Coach Udoka should call the ‘score more baskets during regulation’ play on the regular.

A one-all draw in a CONCACAF qualifier away against Jamaica? Worth a point.

Even Kyle Rittenhouse thinks Brian Burns is being a pussy about this.

idk who still needs to hear this but gaining wait is not a negative thing to be avoided at all costs

Cakes are cooking for Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Sean Miller, Eli Marrero, Lord Infamous, Katie Feenstra, and Nani.

Limo Wristlets!

Bruins need more goal scoring Charlies. Or not. Unsure as to the supply.

Make a note The real Irish call it Derry.

Jamie Collins (Senior) made one great play and then went on IR? That seems right.

Salutations, chums! This half-fortnight’s Precept that Renumerates is, “Well that’s a convenient line of logic and intellectual counter measure.”

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours?
The searchers all say they’d have made Whitefish Bay
If they’d put fifteen more miles behind her.
They might have split up or they might have capsized
They may have broke deep and took water.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters

The Queen of England is 95 years young, I believe. I want to know what’s her secret to her long life. Is it all the tea?

I think T-Swift enters into doomed relationships just for the songwriting material.

Slice seed the last week of March. It will be mint by Mother’s Day. Black Beauty Ultra and 16-26-10 starter fertilizer.

Peter King: “The NFL triples down on the most insane officiating decision in memory. I wish Cassius Marsh could fight this one to the Supreme Court.” This officiating upsets Pete, but not the beta testing of new catch rules and a missed illegal formation during SB LII. Pumpkin headed moron with a hint of citrus.

Hearing that Julio Lugo died made me think he was already dead, but that was José Lima I was initially thinking of. RIP to both.

Red Line Braintree Branch: Delays of up to 15 minutes southbound due to a train with an earlier mechanical problem.

A: Buckley, Compton, Cox, Edwards, Huard, Izzo, Patten, Phifer, Pleasant, Smith, Vrabel.

I used to like Al Michaels in his prime. Dude is flirting with 80 and he sounds like the gopher from Winnie-the-Pooh. Time to go.

Gasper back at the Globe. Nep Castiglione fought off another challenger.

Now Najee Harris will think the Super Bowl can end in a tie.

(Dylan-esque harmonica solo)

Theo thought I overpaid for packaging costs for the first batch of coffee mugs.

I object to Catfish Hunter being listed in sources as “Jim”. Baseball players should be listed by the name by which there were known IN BASEBALL. Home Run Baker’s family called him Frank, and Red Ruffing’s family called him Charles or Charlie. But we don’t list them that way.

Honk if you remember Coffee Time Syrup endorsed by Jimmy Piersall.

Zo, on Meyers’ touchdown: “if there’s anyone who deserves a touchdown more than this guy…it’s him.” Yogi Berra nods.

Teddy had a Latin temper too, Julio.

In a surprise, the Jets are planning to start Joe Flacco vs Miami, source tells ESPN. Zach Wilson still not 100%. Flacco’s experience likely a big factor in the decision, facing blitz-heavy D.

Aw man; not Heath Freeman, too!

Just realized why my wife likes it when I go to Patriots games. She gets peace and quiet for two days: the day of the game and the day after as I rest my voice.

‘Roni bar pie ‘za; who says no?

This ‘Drew Bledsoe – great teammate’ revisionist history cannot be allowed to go unchallenged. And won’t.

Best bet for the weekend: LeBron returns to action against the Celtics.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW users The Gimp, Kingasaurus, NASCL, and #the15 were used in this column. The morning after blues from my head down to my shoes.

Is Barstool Sportsbook offering an O/U on when Portnoy gets indicted for something?

A bad week last week for Astros.

That’s a right spiffy new logo you got, Revolution.

‘Mac Jones’s favorite Entitled Town co-host is Dave Brown.’ – Adam Archuleta

NE isn’t winning the OBJ Sweepstakes because of YOU.

With the $2.10 you won betting a dollar Kirk would wind up in the laughing acadamy again over this, you would still need 30 cents to ride the commuter rail for one fare zone.

Henry Ruggs thought the Atlanta Braves parade bus was travelling too fast.

Despite how you feel about the virus, vaccine, any of it, Joe Rohan is one of the most informed people on this rock.

Pasta is a good kid assisting on goals and such.

Cakes are cooking for Keith Lockhart, Kenny Rogers, Vanessa Angel, Lissa Maria Sneck, Ed Ward, and Warren G.

You want me for feel bad for Brian Burns and Cassius Marsh? In the same week?

Frank Gore is a boxer now. His first fight was just announced, against former NBA star Deron Williams.

The Celtics haven’t won a home game yet? I hope that changes tonight.

Why is Vikings fan Mike Florio so worked up over the NFL going easy on Aaron Rodgers? Oh, now I hear it.

Spulpits are gonna Spulpit. SMDH.

Hey Gang, this week’s Phrase that pays is “They’re gonna get the big sads and you’re fucked.”

Mixing cabbage and collard greens together is powerful.

In a 60-game stretch in 1969, Rico Petrocelli his .335 with 21 homers, and more than twice as many walks as strikeouts, 1.204 OPS. In a 60-game stretch beginning later in the season, carrying into 1970, he hit .229 with an OPS of .677.

I forgot to mention. . .twice as many strikeouts as walks in the second 60-game streak.

RIP, Peter Scolari! According to Adam Archuleta, you were America’s favorite Bosom Buddy.

Fought back against offseason depression today and took a shower.

They say the heart of rock and roll is still beating
And from what I’ve seen I believe ’em
Now the old boy may be barely breathing
But the heart of rock and roll
Heart of rock and roll is still beating.

Aaron Rodgers fined $14,650? That’s like half the amount of an equipment violation fine! Unbelevable.

Green Line Update: Shuttle buses will replace B Branch service between Kenmore and Babcock St, today and tomorrow, Nov 10 – 11, beginning at 8:45 PM through the end of service.

Tuukka spotted at WARRIOR Ice Arena?

Travis Scott crushes it live!

LL Bean? Get out your credit card or a whole wad of cash for that stuff!

Bigt decisions ahead for the UMass football program.

Adam Archuleta says that America’s favorite Halloween candy are NECCO Wafers.

Honk if you remember Major Mudd.

What’s the name of that singer from the Ting Ting’s again?

I hope Schwarbsy comes back.

Best bet for the weekend: Patriots playing their injury information cards close to the vest.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and #the15 were used in this column. Elvis has left the building.