12/15/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer
Demaryius Thomas dying was like if Princess Diana, Paul Walker, and Barbaro had all been on the Challenger, but sadder.
Your MLS MVP is Carles Gil of the NE Revolution.
Don’t worry, the inevitable move back to Boston is just delayed. Just wait for a couple more Olympic cycles and they’ll turn Gillette back to a harness track. Or a velodrome.
Not reading Dakota Randall makes one yearn for the days of not reading Doug Kyed.
What a great incompletion. I saw God.
Dale Arnold wrote a Shawn Thornton book? Is that necessary?
Congratulations to the Winnepeg Grey Bombers for winning the CFL Blue Cup back-to-back.
Nice having Jaylen back.
Cakes are cooking for Joe Jordan, Alex Cox, Helen Slater, Mo Vaughn, Rodney Harrison, and Catherine Fox.
Old school barber in Hudson does the straight razor w the mercurochrome after.
Step outside after and the cool air hits like a Newport Slush
Coach Arians is built like a condom full of clams.
Which one was Van Johnson and which one was Van Heflin again?
Sleigh Ride by The Ronettes is the GOAT.
If when you have two quarterbacks, you have no quarterbacks, what does having three hockey netminders mean?
“Try to be a nice person and fix your face” is classic Timmy.
The outpouring of grief over Demaryius Thomas reminds Upton Bell of when Valentino died.
I discovered a bonus beer in the fridge. Praise the Lord.
Old folks sure do love the day-old baked goods rack at the supermarket.
Mac Jones enjoys all Christmas entertainment equally.
Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Chris Simms. (Lenghty pause) “Go away, Chris Simms; you’re an asshole.”
Does Kate McKinnon have a bad back? Why does she walk like Groucho Marx?
Any foreign power who wants to provoke the United States should first watch Army-Navy. There’s millions more where these badasses come from. So stand down, Vladimir!
Hey Gang of Fantasy Football Inexperts, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “where can I read your analysis on the AFC?”
Do Sir Paul and Ringo do a ’72 Dolphins champagne toast every time a member of the Monkees dies? RIP Mike Nesmith.
Jets special teams ace Justin Hardee got placed on the Covid-19 list.
Breer started the previous week suggesting football assuages the grief of a dead child and from there somehow went downhill.
Stop testing Asymmetric people!!
Listen to Entitled Town. Now endorsed by Sherwood Schwartz‘s daughter!
JV junior high basketball with no running clock is terrorism.
Some people were forced to grieve over Demaryius Thomas in airports.
Who told you I like peppermint bark candy? Because they are liars. Me? huh. Well, my greater point stands.
Keep your head on a swivel, Identical Best Friend Sixto! Just sayin’.
Scatter to West Right Tight – F Left 372 Y Stick Z Spot
Mai Tais > Hot Cocoa Bar
McDermott’s game plans are a Tampa 4 but a Buffalo 10.
Take the last train to Clarksville
Now I must hang up the phone
I can’t hear you in this
Noisy railroad station, all alone
I’m feelin’ low
Oh, no, no, no
Oh, no, no, no
And I don’t know
If I’m ever coming home
Jimmy Wynn is one of the most underrated players in baseball history. That is all.
Gregg Doyel. Who’s next? Bart Hubbach?
Honk if you remember Service Merchandise.
A Fagot in the Navy? You don’t say.
So what, people are taking Kitty Kelley at her scurrilous word?
Minihane almost talked about Turtleboy yesterday!
I hope someone’s favorite Boston sports ‘duende moment’ was Carl Everett permanently styling Dan Shaughnessy as the ‘Curly Haired Boyfriend.’
Bobby Okereke? Is that like a Brian Orakpo?
Lenny Megliola: still alive.
Now where am I to go for a slow reveal of Carmine Tazzi informational tidbits?
Happy Cupcake Day, tulip.
NBA counting stats! They’re Fannnntastic!
Best bet for the weekend: hayshakers with the big sads because the Patriots are back.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster UncleGizmo and #the15 were used in this column. Cheer up, sleepy Jean.