Well, thus ends the most popular morning sports radio show in America. (citation needed) Charles de Gaulle famously said, “the graveyards are full of indispensable men.” The same applies to regional radio programs. If we are to sensibly assume that none of the 2nd, 3rd, or 7th bananas on that program will get the promotion to Rich’s plain black seat (Sorrey Wallach, O’Brien, Lockhart, & Gemelli), who will the station pair up with Fred? Here are some suggestions:
Toucher and Dick(erson) – He’s available, and more dependable than Fred.
Toucher and Upton Bell – Uppy can fill four hours of radio by himself with his impossible to verify stories of his own genius, Kevin.
Toucher and Mikey Adams – He’ll lock himself in the studio! Great stuff.
Toucher and Finn– two unhealthy-looking old pale bearded guys are better than one. Plus the Globe would definitely let Chad keep his media critic job.
Toucher and Cam in Taunton – He’s been auditioning for eight years! C’mon!
Toucher and Liz Walker – Issues affecting Boston’s disenfranchised communities and zany sports bits featuring WALLDICK.
Toucher and That Young Fella (Mark Dondero) – You can’t discount someone Felger nearly remembered the name of.
Toucher and Artificial Intelligence – Fills the void Boston morning radio has had since Carlos the Computer died during Y2K.
Toucher and Rear Admiral – Codependent Co-hosts, khed! You all right?
Toucher and Brandon Meriweather – 98.5 would regain the lead over WEEI in hiring incoherent former Patriots players. Big Bang Clock!
Toucher and Meghan Ottolini – She’s wacky and gawky! Some of which make for great radio!
Toucher and Gary Tanguay – Pro: Like Dickerson, available. Con: would probably be called ‘Toucher and Bad Toucher’ behind their backs.
Toucher and Plain Black Hat – Just one of Rich’s plain black hats. Would increase station diversity!
Did you participate in democracy yesterday? Or did you realize you haven’t been paying attention to the issues in an off-year election and stayed home? Either one is fine with me.
New game idea: Wacky morning zoo radio show, or NHL teammates? “Listen to Heino and Steener in the morning for your chance to score Olivia Rodrigo tickets!”
Aren’t all stoves hot?
Terry Bradshaw when he’s reading the halftime scores sounds like Jack Edwards.
Jrue gotta move the rock.
Red Sox Triston Casas a finalist for AL Rookie of the Year.
During the 1980’s Bert Breer had a General Motors Starter jacket. True story.
Ironman Rob Will injured?
Patriots fans have learned the name Ben Johnson and now won’t shut the fuck up about him.
Cakes are cooking for Satch Sanders, Bonnie Raitt, Mary Hart, Leif Garrett, Gordon Ramsey, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Jose Offerman, Parker Posey, Twan Scheepers, Tara Reid, Nick Punto, Sam Bradford, Giancarlo Stanton*, & SZA.
Honestly I love Zdeno Chara But at this point I’d be more impressed if he challenged Joey Chestnut on July 4th.
I like getting barbecue rub when I pick up my leaf bags.
Patriots CB JC Jackson is not expected to travel with the team to Germany for their game against the Colts.
Check my prоfile tо gеt lаunсh money.
Red Sox should have moved Paxton at the deadline. Or Pullman. Whichever one they just let walk for nothing.
Dark at 5 pm means my seasonal depression is back!
Green Line B Branch Update: Shuttle buses replace service between Washington Street and Boston College while repairs are made to an overhead wire near Sutherland Road. And Red Line Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Park Street from 8:45 PM to the end of service, November 14-16, for track work.
I like the nachos, but only with the little round tortilla chips.
Congratulations to the Foxboro High field hockey team for their 2-0 win over Swampscott in the MIAA Tournament! Way to ignore the noise, ladies!
“Gethin Coolbaugh” sounds like a light-hitting Negro Leagues player. “Coolbaugh batted .184 and stole 307 bases during the ‘39 season.”
Did you ever realize that if you never eat anything except leftovers, somehow you will still have leftovers? I’m not sure how the math works on that.
Ryan Blaney out-drives Kyle Larson to win his first NASCAR championship.
“It’s not really a lighthouse, but that’s what they call it.” YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID WHORE MOUTH SHANNON SPAKE!!
Hey gang of young up-and-comers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I don’t have much interest in grabbing a beer with Craig Breslow.”
Y’know, If Lucy did decide to get an OnlyFans, she could probably make enough to fix that deviated septum so she wouldn’t be panting for breath by the end of walking for 40 seconds in her betting videos.
I’ve been listening to nothing but The Cars lately. Such a good band. There isn’t even a Phoebe Cates video sucking me in.
“Con facemask y todo” is fun to say.
Sometimes I see guys walk in and I think “ooh, I like that sweater I wonder where he got that” for half a second before remembering Jayson Tatum probably spent two months’ worth of my income on it at a secret store known only to NBA players.
Kimmi Chex is a totally real name.
Do other ppl use the bathroom as a house refuge? I live with only one other person, and often I’ll just be like, ‘welp I need a break from the rest of the house, time to stand and look at my phone in front of my bathroom sink.’
Is Jack Jones even allowed to leave the country?
When Felger dies, Darren Rovell will reveal that he has the napkins Felger used to warm his legs.
Only you know and I know. All the loving we’ve got to show. So don’t refuse to believe it. By reading too many meanings.
‘Cause you know that I mean what I say, so, don’t go And never take me the wrong way. You know you can’t go on getting your own way. ‘Cause if you do, it’s gonna get you someday, yeah.
Had assumed that Corey Seager was a good bet to make the Hall of Fame, based on his current trajectory. But, turns out he’s in 26th place among shortstops in Wins Above Replacement by age 29, between Hanley Ramirez and Rabbit Maranville. Two WS MVPs would help, of course.
People are noticing you, George Stephanopoulos.
In all seriousness, both The Beatles and The Rolling Stones have new songs out. What fucking year are we in?
Honk if you remember Joe Flynn.
Fox has Stink and Pink on the same NFL broadcast crew?
The Sara Civian fan club is strong and we stan.
Things I didn’t expect to see: The autograph line for Gina Gershon was much longer than the one for Marisa Tomei.
Add ‘plastered’ to the football lingo.
An Xfinity guy was just here and he turned on our television to see if it worked. They showed a guy on TV that was wanted and he looked exactly like me. It was actually a little frightening. Guessing that I was only the second most frightened person in the room.
All the Daylight I saved has been lost, like tears in rain.
Have fun with the sports betting, Maine.
Dick Drago. A closer before there were closers. Born too late to play on the beloved 1967 Impossible Dream Red Sox, now taken from us too soon. RIP.
Best bet for the weekend: All our veterans eating like kings on Friday restaurant-hopping for their free appetizers and desserts.
Patriots vs Colts in Frankfurt, Germany. The road to 7-7 is an Autobahn.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Ein Prosit, ein Prosit. Der Gemütlichkeit.
And happy birthday to actress Gretchen Mol. Connecticut’s Own.
Past or present, regular or guest appearances are okay. There may only be one answer, and you can’t use anyone more than once. The15 merch prize giveaways will continue until morale improves.
Don’t worry Patriots fans, unlike the Las Vegas Raiders, the future ownership of the franchise is in stable hands.
Really, if you think about it, New England’s active pro sports teams are a combined 13-6. Not too shabby!
I hate whenever a Celtic tries a dunk after the whistle and probably always will. Being 10 ft from Tony Allen’s injury will do that to you.
How can Jones and Mego be in 15th place? Name 13 other radio stations.
Being a fired NFL head coach is the best job in the world.
An MRI confirmed the Vikings’ Pro Bowl QB Kirk Cousins tore his right Achilles and his 2023 season is over? That sucks. Comes across as a genuinely good person and is tougher than a $2 steak.
Karson and Kennedy or Karlson and Kennedy? Very confused. Sorry he died whoever he was.
Obvi, 84-win teams shouldn’t make the World Series.
Cakes are cooking for Kinky Friedman, Lyle Lovett, Fernando Valenzuela, Anthony Kiedis, Rick Allen, Kent Graham, Tie Domi, Erik Spoelstra, Jenny McCarthy, Aishwarya Rai, Coco Crisp, Natalia Tena, and Masahiro Tanaka.
When it’s 70 degrees in Boston on April 25, everybody wears t-shirts. When it’s 70 degrees on Oct. 25, down vests and quarter-zips.
Sigh. ‘Scissors’. ‘Quarters’. ‘Pharaoh’. We get it. You know all the terms.
I’ve got a bone to pick with Pringles. The inconsistency in the tall cans is getting out of control. Half the time they suck, half the time they’re incredible and remind you of the first can you ever had. They gotta figure it out. Anyway, I got Rangers winning this series in 6.
Wearing a hot dog suit around Joe Murray seems dangerous.
Hey gang of naval reservists! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Ahhhh do I uhhhh ahhh evah tell yah about The Rolling Stones in the Gahdennn?”
‘Trunk or Treat’ is a solution in search of a problem.
Spell check hates me too.
Red Line Braintree Branch: Southbound delays of about 10 minutes due to a disabled train taken out of service at JFK/UMass.
That trade for Harden? Clippers are going to be awesome 8 years ago! PTT!
Baseball is a sacred thing with me, the touchstone of my youth. In its pure form, its perfect, which is why I don’t approve of the DH, the shift, pitch clocks, stick’um, or comms gear on pitchers and catchers. If DiMaggio didn’t use it, I really don’t think it belongs in the game.
And a goal from the city kid…
IHOP puts pancakes on plates barely larger than the pancake, so any syrup you put on inevitably runs off the plate onto the table. This must be irritating many thousands of customers a day, but it’s been that way for decades and there is no sign they are going to figure it out.
There were three men came out of the West, Their fortunes for to try. And these three men made a solemn vow: John Barleycorn must die.
They’ve ploughed, they’ve sown, they’ve harrowed him in, Threw clods upon his head. And these three men made a solemn vow: John Barleycorn was dead.
Josh McDaniels? He lasted longer in Vegas than than Greg Bedard and he’s still getting paid.
We play hard around here.
That stupid Mike McDaniel watch story couldn’t be more tailored to impress the credulous NFL media had it been created in a lab.
Honk if you remember Honda opening their Marysville, Ohio factory.
Who gives out socks for Halloween?
A Nissan Rogue isn’t that bad for a rental. Just sayin’.
Matt Perry. Seemed to like sports, kept the quips moving along, once beat up a grade school-aged Justin Trudeau. RIP Ms. Chanandler Bong.
Football Cat with a 10-win, 5 loss weekend with the NFL picks.
UMass Football beat the USMA? Well, there’s a history of Minutemen defeating an Army.
Never vouch, Mookie.
Can the “Belichick is too focused on the win record to do what’s best for the team” people hear themselves?
Don’t bench Jimmy!
Best bet for the weekend: Amazing celebrity photograph opportunities at The RI Comic Con.
Happy Birthday to singer-songwriter, musician, and painter Sophie B. Hawkins.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend @SSkippington, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.
And Happy Birthday to Yuko Shimizu, creator of Hello Kitty!
Past or present, regular or guest appearances are okay. There may only be one answer, can’t use anyone more than once. Remember, the winning solution gets some genuine The15 merch all October!
The 15 