The 15

Maybe the real Eastern Conference Championship is the friends we made along the way.

Red Sox seem destined to be the best last place team in the league.

Why does everyone want Brown traded to the Suns? How’s that? Shot into the sun? Oh. That’s different.

Well, the Revs make a good Plan E, I guess.

You know someone’s made a poor vocational choice when they thank Evan Lazar and Alex Barth on their way out.

Josef Newgarden wins the 2023 Indianapolis 500. He’s definitely Penske material.

I haven’t had Popeye’s since 2016…The Popeye’s no longer being there in Kenmore Square makes this easier (I’m aware there’s one on Northeastern’s campus but no one counts that one anyways)

Cakes are cooking for Brian Cox, Martin Brundle, Sherri Howard, Larry Centers, Derek Lowe, Alanis Morissette, Brandi Carlile, Carlota Ciganda, and Zazie Beetz.

If only there was something a gal could do to not be thought of as a shameless grifter looking for the next free ride.

Can we get another Fred Toucher update? This is the first time I’ve ever found him interesting.

No duckboats for the C’s & B’s. Swan boats are still available.

Celtics series showed us that some injuries you just can’t overcome. Well, maybe Herro will be healthy if they meet again next season in the ‘yoffs.

Impossibly needy Bob Kraft getting his picture taken arm in arm with convicted rapist Mike Tyson means we get ‘Rock & Roll Part 2’ back as a touchdown song at Gillette, right?

Glad to see Carles Gil is back and as good as ever. Way to salvage a draw in Atlanta.

Hey gang of sabermetricians! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I like Grape Nuts, but they don’t fill up three shelves in the breakfast food section.”

Let’s don’t get too excited about non-padded practices, bobos.

Keep up your spirit. Keep up your faith, baby
I am counting on you
You know what you’ve got to do.

Fight the good fight every moment
Every minute every day
Fight the good fight every moment
It’s your only way.

I believe that Stephen Root is one of the best, most underrated actors working. And when you look at his amazing career, it makes me wonder what Phil Hartman would have done.

Name a better tennis video game than “Racket Attack” for the NES…

No, “Dan Lifshatz’s Volley Challenge” is not better.

The idea that the Adirondack chair is the height of comfort and relaxation is the biggest fraud foisted on the public since they told us Astroturf was safer than grass.

I still think of the Miami Heat as an expansion team.

Blue Line: delays of about 15 minutes due to a train with a mechanical problem near Airport. Trains may be asked to stand by at stations.

All I really want to know about Chat GPT is when it will be ready to replace John Smoltz.

Bad luck for Tina Turner that Jim Brown predeceased her. RIP, Queen.

David Simon is super online. For him to not know Three Year Letterman is a schtick is crazy.

News Item: Shannon Sharpe leaving ‘Undisputed’ after end of NBA Playoffs. Does he plan to run in the Belmont?

Former All-Pro punter Brett Kern, who played 13 seasons for the Titans has announced his retirement.

Do guidance counselors funnel people with psychotic levels of self-confidence but no aptitude for medicine into sportswriting?

You’d think someone who can split atoms with their mind could also learn how to dribble.

Must feel odd for Turtleboy Aiden to only have to go to court four days this week owing to the holiday.

Big Papi could have sent Identical Best Friend Sixto to Game 7. Boston would have played along.

The greatest show ever is grainy “Unsolved Mysteries” clips that I watch on YouTube.

I bought a scratch-off ticket, but then I accidentally spilled some cortizone cream on it, so it did not need to be scratched.

Honk if remember Tom Brady saying he was going to stay retired the first time.

Your readers knew those three consecutive ‘jeepers, wouldn’t it be neat if the Celtics came back from 3 down just like the Red Sox?’ columns were insincere concern trolling, Dan.

I don’t have any time to be sad. I have two deadlines plus a book proposal to write. As always it’s go Celtics.

You think Tina bequeathed Dolly all her wigs? I hope so.

Maybe it’s time Hollywood gave Jeremy Joe Kronsberg a non-orangutan movie to direct?

Beside the Cy Young Award, there should be a Bob Gibson Award for a pitcher who is not only great, but also just competitive as Holy Hell. Who embodies that spirit today? I’m thinking Max Scherzer, maybe?

I thought Fredgy would OD this year but maybe Milo will kill him in self-defense. Shrug.

Best bet for the weekend: The Las Vegas Golden Knights matriculating their way to winning a Stanley Cup for Coach Cassidy, because we can’t have nice things.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Mitch Hedberg, cell phone pictures of computer monitors, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Look to the clock on the wall. Hands hardly moving at all. I can’t stand the state that I’m in. Sometimes it feels like the walls closing in.